Slowing down and sitting with silence seems to be the antithesis of our modern life. However, the reality of our lives or what we have deemed as reality is often incongruent with our nature. With this week’s episode, we dive into the importance of cultivating silence.
Our guest, Aryne Sheppard, has been a Vipassana meditator since 1999. Following, a major mental health crisis in her twenties, Aryne shares with us how she discovered the power of inner exploration. Currently, Aryne continues to juggle her modern life as an educator and counselor while attending regular silent retreats every six months. She holds an MA in Philosophy and an MA in Adult Education specializing in Transformative Learning. Aryne has been working in the areas of personal growth and wellness, leadership development, and counseling for over 12 years.
We hope this week’s episode inspires to find your own pockets of silence!
Highlights:
- 20 Years of Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreat Experience
- How Silence Supports Creativity
- Tips for ‘Re-entry’ After a Silent Retreat
- Why Cultivate Silence in a Noisy World
Resources:
- Viola Fodor
- Vipassana 10-Day Silent Meditation Retreats
- A.H. Almaas’s Diamond Approach
- Eckhart Tolle
- David Hawkins
- Thich Nhat Hanh
- Walden by Henry David Thoreau
Listen:
Poem Inspired By This Episode
Full Transcript
Thal
Welcome Aryne, welcome to the show.
Aryne
Thank you for having me.
Thal
Yeah. When did you start meditating?
Aryne
I started when I was 25, so about 20 years ago, but I would say silence was a big part of my life even before then. And I think that’s why meditation was drawing me for a long time.
Thal
And, and so, when did you incorporate then silence in your life?
Aryne
Yeah, it’s a good question and I don’t know if I’ve really thought about it exactly, but I remember spending a lot of time on my own as a child and I was always very comfortable in my own company, you know, in, back then of course there wasn’t as much tv or media and so I did spend a lot of time outside as most kids did, a lot of time in my own imagination. And there was always part of me that was, that was kind of always seeking something, although I wouldn’t have known what it was at the time. I was not raised in a religious family, even a spiritually oriented family, but I was drawn to these kinds of big questions about life. And what it was all about and just seeing the suffering and it was always kind of trying to understand why. And I think that was really my, my, that was the magnet. I think that I ended up finding the answers in silence.
Thal
Do you think it’s the silence then that took you towards meditation?
Aryne
I think so. I mean they’re, you know, like so many of us when you’re in your early twenties, it really is a time of finding out who you are and exploring. In my life that was kind of when there really was this crisis of identity. What I would probably call now looking back an early midlife crisis. An existential crisis of sorts where I was just kind of stopped and I think the interesting thing is I ended up coming out of it through silence. I think I had been trying to find the answers and kind of all the normal ways through study, through academics, through reading, talking, thinking, and it really wasn’t getting me anywhere. Eventually I had really nothing left. I have to kind of find a new direction and that was silence.
Adrian
When you mentioned silence, so are we talking about periods of not speaking or as well as in combination with reduction of external noise, you’re not listening to the sounds or what do you mean by silence?
Aryne
Yeah, good question, certainly not talking is a big part of it and certainly in meditation the not talking is a huge part of that practice, but I think the real definition of silence for me is silence inside. It’s so it’s when kind of all the mental machinery slows down and ideally when it stops. So, you know, in nature being on your own, being in a quiet space helps. But I think silence is something that you cultivate on the inside as much as you do on the outside, the changes the external environment you create for yourself. Supports the inner silence. I would say
Thal
You mentioned something about an early midlife crisis. So was that the point where you formally incorporated meditation?A
Aryne
Well, I think I had been on my way there for a while. I remember maybe when it was about 20, I really struggled with depression and eating problems and I was kind of drawn to this monastery and I used to go there for silent weekends and I found it very healing. It wasn’t enough at that point, but I, you know, I would spend time with Jesuits in the Franciscan monks in Ireland and being a non-religious person that seems like a strange thing to do, but those big, beautiful churches were so quiet and I found that was the only place I could find some peace and I think that kind of put me on that road towards formal meditation, which I ended up starting a little bit later, after meeting my spiritual teacher and she really helped me understand what silence on the inside was. Not just an external environment that you visit.
Adrian
Does an early experience come to mind, sort of your first taste or glimpse of a quiet internal landscape during that time when you’re just starting?
Aryne
Yeah, I mean even earlier, certainly. I was fortunate to grow up in a family that really loved nature and camping and those early experiences in nature, you know, the kind of archetypal sitting around the campfire, which is so much part of the human DNA. There was something very beautiful about that and you could feel everything quiet down inside when you’re out under the big sky around a campfire and that kind of sense of perspective where you start tuning into context rather than the content of what’s in your mind. I think I have those early imprints in my experience and I found that’s what I get through the formal meditation, which again, I started about age 25 and it felt very much like coming home. My very first course I sat down and you know, it can be a kind of a scary experience your first time entering in to a long period of silence where you’re not talking to anybody. It felt like, oh, this is where I’ve always meant to be. It was meant to be for sure.
Adrian
Aryne, you mentioned you started working with a spiritual teacher. What was that like as you were just beginning these practices and what was the teaching?
Aryne
Yeah, her name is Viola Fidor and she is a psychotherapist, but really in my mind, she is a spiritual teacher. She is one of these rare kind of psychological geniuses, like Eckhart Tolle were just in her presence, you feel different. There’s something palpably different about her energy and I think what she showed me being somebody who is very confident of my intellect, you know, I had a very strong analytical mind and it was always trying to figure things out and trying to understand, you know, in my head what I probably could never understand with my head. I think that was her biggest lesson and she’d always kind of sit there with this very small smile. As I was telling her, I understand the world, I’ve studied science, I studied philosophy, I kinda get it and she just kind of nod patiently, asked me to be open minded and she kind of gave me this practice of just quiet time. It wasn’t even formal meditation. It really was finding ways that you could slow down inside, kind of tap into that kind of deep inner pool of quiet that’s in all of us. That’s when things started to shift because I met her of course in a time of deep suffering in my own life and I had no where else to go at that point. I kind of tried every strategy my mind could come up with. I had read everything. I had run out of willpower literally. I was literally stopped in my life and silence was kind of the doorway that I never, I guess, at least in my head, I didn’t realize it was always there waiting for me and I think I just needed a little nudge and things shifted very quickly after that. So yeah, I do kind of credit her with probably the biggest transformation in my life at probably age 24.
Adrian
You went to her with symptoms of depression at the time, was that what the suffering?
Aryne
Yeah. Depression and an eating disorder. Yeah. I had been struggling for probably about five or six years on and off, you know, at different levels of seriousness, but at a certain point it really kind of stopped me in my tracks. I was in grad school at the time and it got to the point where I wouldn’t leave the house. It did reach a point where I wasn’t coping, you know, in for many years, nobody really knew I was struggling because I could kind of put on a facade and like many of us do, you get through life and nobody knows what’s going on in the inside, but at a certain point I literally couldn’t move in my life and that’s when I ended up at her doorstep quite literally.
Thal
There was no resistance on your part in terms of like when she told you just to sit in silence and here you are suffering. Was there any part of you resisting or…?
Aryne
I just remember at the time all I could do was cry and I think I was in so much pain, I was willing to kind of try anything and I think subconsciously I did have all these past experiences of silence and being drawn to silence that I think I just kind of put all my faith in her and in her presence and I was just willing to give it a go, you know, I think intellectually I was kind of skeptical perhaps, but I think the pain was such that I was like, well, I have nothing else to try, so I’m going to give this 100%.
Thal
The pain surpassed the intellect.
Aryne
It’s kind of a shame but for so many of us it really takes… Pain is often the biggest motivation to make a change or to really look at something. I had been trying, you know, the best way as I knew how to use my head and to try to figure out what was wrong. You can’t use your head to figure out existential problems. that was a hard lesson. Yeah, that was a hard lesson.
Thal
It sounds like within the silence there is a form of surrendering that happens.
Aryne
Yeah. Yeah. I mean the process is so…It’s very difficult to articulate in some ways, but it’s, it’s not like you’re learning new information. It really is about shedding and it is surrendering and it’s accessing a deeper level of understanding and wisdom that’s yours, but that’s kind of more than just yours. I think that’s kind of what you tap into in silence. In some ways, part of my identity had been wrapped up … I was a grad student philosophy at the time. So, you know, the intellect was very much valued. That’s certainly what modern day philosophy is all about. Part of that was letting go of that identity. So there was a bit of a surrender there to your “intellect is not up to this challenge”. I had to kind of finally accept that and see what else was there.
Adrian
Aryne, I know you kind of live almost two lives, in terms of your regular practice of returning to long intensive retreat and, and you know, in the day-world you have, you have a career and you know…you’re learning. When did that schedule of the regular intensive practice begin and how did you get inspired to do that? Because I can’t imagine a lot of people have been committed to that form of practice for that long.
Aryne
When I met my teacher Viola I was about 24 and silence became very much part of a regular practice for me. So usually once or twice a day I would sit in quiet and slow down inside very deliberately consciously and then one day in grad school a friend of mine mentioned Vipassana meditation, this Meditation Center he’d been to in Massachusetts. The moment he said that I thought, oh my goodness, this is what I need. It was one of those things, ironically, my meditation teacher said, if you have the seed of practicing meditation, as soon as you hear about it, you’re going to be drawn. And I think that’s really what happened to me and I signed up that day for a 10 day course and from that point on, I think I went when I was 25. I’ve been going every year and practicing meditation ever since. So it, yeah, it is become a very big part of my life when, you know, I would say most of my vacation from work, you know, because I am a working person it all goes to meditation, almost all of it goes to meditation.
Thal
You’ve been now practicing Vipassana meditation for almost 20 years. How did you practice shift or evolve from when you first started?
Aryne
Well, the first time I went, and this is probably true for most people, and I think both of you, Adrian and Thal, have done one of these 10 day intensive retreats. 10 days of silence. Like, Ooh, what’s going to happen? It is incredibly intense and sometimes difficult and certainly transformative. For me I never wanted to leave. The minute I sat down on that cushion and that big quiet room and started listening to the chanting, I thought, okay, this is it. I almost had this image of me as a monk or a nun in a past life. It was really interesting, of course, so much comes up…so much of the static that’s in your mind, you kind of regret this TV shows and movies and Youtube videos you’ve been watching because it’s all in there still. All of that kind static is bubbling up all the time. And then memories start coming up, personal pains, personal triumphs, regrets, you know, you’ve kind of have to start looking at all of that. So that was the very first experience kind of was all of that and in some ways it’s still that. 20 years later…it’s still all of that but I think what happens is that you get to the quiet faster and you know, from that time 20 years ago till now, my life has started adapting to become more in line with the silence of meditation. So, you know, even though my life was always quite simple and I lead kind of a somewhat nomadic existence, didn’t own a lot. My life really has shifted so that there’s quiet in my external world more and more. The things that I choose to do with my free time, the people I spend time with, a lot of them are quite aligned on the same spiritual path. The experience of meditation in some ways shifts and changes but I think it becomes this anchor, the center for your life more and more and I think that’s probably the biggest thing that’s changed over the last 20 years.
Adrian
Was that a deliberate move for you to start seeing the bleed over from retreat experience into your outer world? Or did it happen organically?
Aryne
Yeah, I think organically. I mean sometimes you’re making conscious choices and I think with awareness, and this is kind of the, one of the gifts that silence gives you is more awareness. You’re much more sensitive to your surroundings and so you just don’t want the noise and the drama and the static in your life as much. So that kind of shifts quite naturally. It doesn’t feel like you’re forcing and I think at times, you know, you get the meditation cushion and you get all of the external paraphernalia is accessories of silence or meditation but if you’re forcing yourself it tends to backfire. I think you have to let go of things naturally as much as possible. So it did feel quite natural. I would say is even now still…the experience on retreat: 10 days, five days, you know, I’ve spent a month in silence. It still feels a little separate from the rest of my life. In some ways I wish it wasn’t, you know, I wish and I guess the goal is ultimately to have that quiet, that silence on the inside, just be embodied throughout your life. I feel like what I do still, what I still feel like I need to do is go back regularly and it kind of feels like you’re quieting that pool inside or, or filling the tank or you knew there’s a number of different metaphors I guess I could use, but I keep going back and the silence deepens and it lasts sometimes a bit longer…and when I’m feeling like ugh…it’s very clear when I need to go back. The more time you spend in meditation, day to day, the more silence you have in your life, the better. That still kind of the work I think that I’m doing right now, is to see how I can extend the feeling and the peace and the insight and the wisdom that you get through the silence of a retreat environment and bring that more and more into daily life. It’s hard.
Thal
It is…I remember after…my first experience in Vipassana meditation, the 10 days, just going back to my regular life…there was… Like I missed my family, but I did not miss the noise. That must be hard to shift and to do that regularly…
Aryne
I mean the transitions do become easier in some ways, although you are definitely much more sensitive. I mean it’s like you’ve pulled down a lot of the armor, the defenses against daily life. I mean, I live in Toronto, it’s noisy, it’s busy. I work full-time, so the transitions have become easier. But again, I think, you know, my, where I live, my home is very quiet. I don’t have a TV actually, I don’t have a radio, even don’t even have the Internet, so I’ve kind of slowly, quite naturally just given these things up because there is a bit of a sanctuary when I come home and I feel like I need it, you know, and I’m quite happy to have my evenings and weekends very quiet now…I still look forward to the retreats, you know…I try to go at least two, three, maybe even four times a year if I can find even just small ones, you know, four or five days at a time is kind of enough to just kind of remember and I remember that’s actually one thing my teacher Viola told me is that we will sometimes get off the path, we’ll kind of get lost a little bit again. The answers will always be there in the silence and that has proven, has been proven true to me again and again in my life. There is a deep faith that I have in it actually where if I’m struggling or even trying to work at a problem, sometimes even a problem at work. I know the answers will be there waiting for me if I can, if I can find the quiet.
Thal
I think the first thing I think about when you’re talking about that especially…I find it fascinating that, you know, in your house you don’t have the technological distractions. Someone out there listening to you talk about silence and how you lead your life and like they’d probably ask why they don’t want to part ways from Netflix or whatever. What are the benefits of incorporating more silence in our life?
Aryne
I’m getting, there’s so many things I guess that in it’ just become such a normal part of my life. So very practically, we start very practically. So I was just recently on a 10 day meditation, very typical. I came back at the beginning of December and some of my colleagues at work where where’s Aryne and they were talking about it and kind of trying to understand why does she do this? Some of them were making jokes about…I’d have to be kidnapped or I’d have to be sick or you know, they kind of came up with these kind of very dramatic scenarios for having to actually unplug and step out of life, quote unquote, for two weeks. I kind of came back and I started laughing. I said, you know, you can’t do this by choice, but, one thing that they do know is that I come back with lots of ideas. I think the first very practical thing that silence offers anybody is enormous creativity, you know, even for things that work for relationships, for your life, for a direction that you want to go, there’s so much there when the static quiets down in your mind when everything slows down, it’s like, you know, that eastern metaphor of the pool, the pond, and it’s, it’s kind of always, wavy and there’s a lot of thrashing around day to day in most people’s lives. Storms, yeah, there’s, there’s a lot of storms. And so if you stop and slow down and eventually just be still the pond,you actually see to the bottom. That’s really a metaphor for insight. So as soon as you quiet down, all of those ideas have room to kind of flourish…I write novels in my head…I write campaigns for work in my mind. You know, it’s very enriching. So that idea of creativity just needs space, you know, everybody is creative whether you’re an artist or not, and I’m not an artist, but the creativity that we all need to kind of lead meaningful lives comes in the silence. That for me is the first piece. The second is, is really insight, you know, understanding yourself, understanding life, understanding others, you know, I mean, you guys probably had this experience too. You run through conversations and scenarios in personal life and professional life with others relationships and you really start getting some insights about what was really going on at that point and it gives you an opportunity to examine a little bit more objectively. I played a role in that situation. Sometimes you have to go through the pain of that inner cringing because, you know…insight also comes with responsibility and so that’s part of what silence offers and not everybody wants that. But I found it has been so helpful in my interactions with others, with understanding myself. Holding true to my own values, kind of the direction I want to go in my own life. Things become very distilled and clear. Maybe the third thing I’ll mention and there’s probably so many more I could talk about, is at that deep sense of peace and I feel I’m very grounded and calm most of the time in my life. You know, there was a retreat I went on probably about three and a half years ago now, and the day after I got back, my dad died suddenly and it was in a way, an interesting test of what meditation and what that silence offers. I felt extremely calm through that whole…It was a very stormy time for the family. Of course there was a lot of grief, but I felt very anchored. The interesting thing was I felt it was just very natural that he died. Like that kind of wisdom, I think without even realizing. It just starts infusing you through silence. That it was very sad and there was kind of a bitter sweetness to it for me, but I didn’t have the raw grief that a lot of the people around me had and I think it was hard for them maybe to understand, but I think that’s what the silence gave me. So those are the first three things that come to mind.
Adrian
It’s really interesting you mentioned that…I get the sense that quite often people misinterpret meditation as a way to escape discomfort as a way to like some sort of a warm spa for the mind, you know, it’s like a luxurious escape. But in that example, it’s clearly actually improving your tolerance with challenging experience.
Aryne
Absolutely. Yeah. You know what? I had a lot of people in my life, you know, none of my family members meditate or have found the same kind of solace or have made the same commitment to quiet that I have. There was a little bit of curiosity around, are you escaping or you just avoiding life by going away. Especially for these longer retreats. I’ve lived at meditation centers for months at a time, so it has been a big piece of my life. The reality is it’s the opposite. You know you’re kind of forced to face everything in silence. So I mean there is a huge benefit, but, you know, I don’t like to say that there’s a price, but you know, you have to give a lot of yourself and you have to be willing to kind of look at everything. Everything that you’ve said or done that you regret is kind of, is right there in the mirror for you in the silence.
Adrian
It’s not all UNICORNS and rainbows.
Aryne
Meditation is not really about getting somewhere? It is a process. I think that’s probably another maybe misconception, but it is like a mirror. The silence is like a mirror and so you have to be very willing to look. Once you are, you know, there’s so much to be gained, but it’s definitely not an escape.
Adrian
I imagine you must have considered living a full monastic and becoming, you know, a full time meditator. What keeps bringing you back to the outer world?
Thal
Back to the noise…
Adrian
and worldly activities?
Aryne
Yeah and I have many times over the last 20 years wondered whether I should live a monastic life and sometimes I joke I’m a secular nun. I went so far as to actually write letters to well known monks and ask, you know, is this possible for a Western woman to become a nun? It’s very difficult. I mean, there are of course women who have for me, um, you know, of course I have family and friends and I am very drawn to service I guess in a way and being part of the world. I totally respect people who do lead the monastic life and those are the people I read. Those are my teachers, but for me it just doesn’t seem part of the Karma for this life. It really doesn’t. It feels like suffering is out in the world and I’m interested in helping. I think that’s what drew me to silence in the first place and I feel like that’s what I want to help in the world. That’s, you know, like you guys have, that’s part of the work that I want to do while I’m alive.
Thal
So speaking of going back to your work, your work is very involved in the community and so I don’t know if you want to share with us how that silence and the meditative practice informs your work?
Aryne
Sure. Well, I’m an educator and counselor and so certainly with my one on one clients, cultivating a quiet mind is definitely the foundation of my work with people. I honestly, I don’t know how to get around the big problems that we’re dealing with our own personal suffering without quieting down inside because I don’t see how you can really have access your own wisdom and strength without quieting down because for me that work is about realization. It’s not about learning new things. It’s about kind of stripping away and getting down to who you are and the strength and the wisdom is there already. In the work that I do more publicly as an educator. I do find certainly the insights and the programs I create are certainly informed by my practice of silence. I get lots of ideas on retreat or when I’m quietly, you know, at home on the weekends, that’s when I tend to do a lot of that work. But the educational programs, I run tend to have a lot of reflection and journaling and they’re not rushed. I find right now, you know, as adults, you go to conferences or some kind of learning program and it’s just like this fire hose of information that’s being kind of shot at us all the time. It’s so exhausting and our minds cannot learn that way. We cannot take that much information in. So in my leadership programs and the programs that I’m running right now, slowing down, having time to integrate the learning is really for me a core principle an I’m pretty stubborn about it. I don’t want to do programs that are just, you know, information out.
Thal
Information heavy.
Aryne
I want people to reflect on who they are, why it’s important for them, how it’s relevant, how they can apply it. I think they’re much more enriching experiences for everybody.
Thal
In fact, that’s the first thing I sensed when I left my only one 10-day retreat is the distraction and the noise. And so I can’t imagine how it is for you that, you know, having to come back to that noise every, every time. Yeah and the intensity of it.
Adrian
Actually on that note, do you have advice for people who may have experienced retreat and re-entry tips since you’ve done it so many times? How do you feel, you know, what can you offer as a tip?
Aryne
Well, I mean, ideally if you can take the first day off of work when you get home from a retreat, that’s really a wonderful gift to yourself if you can. It’s not always possible. Often I cannot do that because I’ve already just taken eight, 10, 30 days off of work. A day off is wonderful to kind of just re-integrate into your own space, family, if you’re living with others. All of that energy on retreat is being held on the inside and what you really start noticing is that energy is going out of your eyes, out of your ears, out of your mouth, out of your body when you’re out in the kind of average day to day world. Being really gentle with yourself, not planning a lot that first week or two, kind of reducing the busyness of life. I mean that’s kind of a longer term commitment. That’s wonderful. If you can make it to just to kind of slow down in your life. Certainly turning off the radio or the TV or the computer in the mornings, having quiet in the mornings. It’s almost like an anchor for your day and certainly maybe at the end of the day as well. That’s the one thing I’d recommend to clients day to day, but certainly after retreat, anchoring your mornings and evenings with some silence can really help to process. And definitely time outside to breathe, breathe some fresh air. Yeah, so all of those tips.
Thal
So it’s energy, like leaking energy and also absorbing all kinds of energy.
Aryne
Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, you don’t realize until you spend a longer period in silence the impact that the world is having on you and that you’re having on the world and that energy exchange is happening all the time, very unconsciously. I think that’s one thing you do become very attuned to and you can keep that awareness if you keep going on retreat, if you keep cultivating that practice of silence in your own life. That sensitivity is kind of that feedback loop that’s always with you and you start making choices differently. It’s almost like pieces or peace and quiet as the rudder of your life. Once you’re kind of committed to that, then the direction of your life just kind of shifts very naturally. You know, you start doing things differently.
Thal
It’s interesting because Adrian mentioned earlier that one of the misinterpretation around meditation is that it’s an escape. But also the flip side, the other misinterpretation is that people see it as something…that they don’t want to face their pain and they don’t, like, it’s, that it’s not an escape, but it’s just too much and that they can’t, they cannot handle it. What kind of advice can you offer on that?
Aryne
Well, I mean, not everybody’s going to want to commit to five days, 10 days or more of silence right away. Certainly that’s understandable. I think kind of anybody could just look around our world and there is just too much noise. There’s too much distraction. I think that’s not a coincidence. I think we are trying to escape from a lot of, you know, these existential issues, the crisis of meaning that you guys have talked about. Certainly there’s a lot of suffering politically in the world right now, environmentally in the world right now. You know, entertainment, work, technology and all kinds of things that we use to kind of numb our experience and so silence is really the opposite of that. Instead of activating your nervous system and putting input into your nervous system, what you’re doing is just letting it settle and it is disconcerting at first and so small moments of silence is probably a good way to start. In the morning, again, don’t put on the TV or the radio. When you’re in the shower, actually just feel the water, feel the soap on your body. Those moments of mindfulness can be a good way to start. I sometimes even would suggest to clients a bath that’s kind of a nice way to start light a candle, have a bath even just 15 minutes. Certainly being out in nature is a wonderful way or moving through yoga, things like that are kind of kind of these gateways. I think at the end of the day. I think we all need is to be able to just sit quietly in your own presence. I think that’s where we all need to get to, but certainly that might not be the first step on the path.
Adrian
The word that’s coming up to me is finding a rhythm because naturally we go through rhythms in our lives where there’s periods of lower activity and rest like we have circadian rhythms. We are, we are drawn towards resting and not moving, but then we go through periods of the day where were hyperactive and it’s finding that rhythm perhaps to where it aligns with, you know, with your, your proper output. I’m reminded of my days in exercise and the importance of perhaps interval training and using the idea, having periods of high intensity, but followed with enough rest in between that you can recover and go back into the intense workload.
Aryne
I think the one thing you know when I read these great spiritual teachers is the silence is always with them, at a certain point it it, it doesn’t become a state that you cultivate on retreat or in a meditation sit. It really is something that stays with these people, these great teachers where they are just silent inside all the time. They can turn on their minds as a tool when they need them, but the mind isn’t going all the time and I thought, oh, what a wonderful place to get to, and I think when you’re on retreat, for example, you do get to those stages where you’re fully awake and alert and aware in your mind is just so quiet and it’s this incredible piece that you can have all the time, but it’s a practice. It is that practice. Right now at work, you know, your mind is fully on work and you do your work and or when your with another person, a loved one then you’re fully present with them. The more and more your mind can be quiet in the background, you just are more present for everything that you do. So that’s, I think that’s the goal of silence is again, not the noise externally, but the noise internally it, it just tends to enrich everything. I find.
Thal
You mentioned something earlier that once we strip away the noise and the static that we all can access this innate wisdom and that’s very empowering, especially for people who are stuck in patterns and in suffering to know that we all have that innate wisdom and that we don’t have to look for it externally and we just have to sift through our own garbage sometimes. I’ve heard you mentioned great teachers, who inspires you?
Aryne
Well, I’ve already mentioned Viola, of course, my meditation teacher, S.N. Goenka. I also like Almaas who is a Kuwaiti teacher, I think he’s got some lovely books about silence. Obviously, Eckert Tolle, The Power of Now. Most people in North America are quite familiar with him. I love David Hawkins is another one. there’s so many, there’s a lot of Buddhist teachers, of course, Thich Naht Kahn. He’s another well known teacher, but ultimately, you know, reading is the inspiration, but ultimately the greatest teacher is actually just sitting or cultivating that silence for yourself and however, in whatever way it works for you. So not everybody’s going to sit for formal meditation. I don’t think you need to actually, I think people need to find a way to quiet down their own minds. Even it could be sitting with your cup of coffee or a cup of tea in the morning and just watching at your window. Like it could really be that simple and informal. Yeah, the reading of kind of the greats is really inspiring. You know, one of my favorite books actually from the time I was a teenager and I still read it like the Bible now is Thoreau’s Walden. He was one of those first explorers of the internal world, I guess that was much more made public in North America. He kind of brought some of that eastern philosophy over here to the West and he kind of lived fairly solitary life for two years, you know, beside Walden pond as the story goes. He did have interactions with people. The time he spent just witnessing nature and witnessing his own mind and being on his own was so enriching. For me reading him is just so inspiring and it actually literally puts me in that silent place inside. That is one wonderful thing that teachers and books can give you is it actually puts you in the right frame of mind so you can access that quite pool of silence inside quite easily.
Adrian
Aryne, do you think there’s something about the communal aspect of retreat practice? Because maybe, maybe those like we’ve never been. What they might not realize is that although you are in solitude, you are practicing with lots of other humans close by sitting right next to you in front of you, behind you. Do you think there’s something to that about the practice with others in the same room, even though it’s an individual experience that you’re going through? That’s part of the impact?
Aryne
Absolutely. It’s incredibly supportive. In a formal meditation retreat or another silent retreats I’ve been to seeing kind of. It’s almost like these brothers and sisters are walking on the same path and it’s like you’re holding each other up. If you’re having a hard day or you know if memories are surfacing or there’s a problem that you’re grappling with or a regret that you’re kind of ruminating on, you know, being around others who are probably going through a similar experience is very supportive and it kind of gives you the courage and the energy to keep going. I know for me, even sometimes my experience on retreat is, you know, you’re given a meditation cell which is this very small, dark room. Very intense. Very quiet. It’s wonderful, but sometimes it’s too much. So going back and sitting with others helps you calm down and helps you make it through the day. You kind of do feel it’s kind of this strange phenomenon. I don’t know if you guys experienced this too. You feel so close to those people when you come out the other side, all these people, you’ve never heard the sound of their voice, but there’s a sense that you kind of know them and I think what you end up getting to is that just the essence of who these other human beings are, you’ve kind of accessing and connected to that part of them. It’s beautiful. It’s this wonderful kind of love that you’re feeling for these other people that have had probably a quite a similar experience.
Adrian
Yeah, definitely, for me, I think on that last day, when we break silence and you actually for the first time hear each other’s voice. First of all, you’re surprised by their voice, oh, I didn’t imagine that voice would come out of that person, but on that sort of graduation day, it is what it felt like was, you’re actually right, there is this bond. Even though there was not much of an exchange throughout the week, it’s just the movements were done together. You marched along to the kitchen hall together, you marched back to your dorms and you kind of repeat the next day, the same time, and just that repetition was part of it and coming out of it you feel really connected to these people and a lot of them I might, I probably just would never see again and but you remember that. Actually most of their faces are still very prominent in my memory.
Thal
What stood out for me was the conversations. There was no small talk right away, depth and just sharing and open heart and even crying and yes, love.
Aryne
Earlier you asked me some of the benefits of silence, I think one of the things that’s for me that one of the most beautiful things, and I kind of know I’m in a good place in my life when this happens, is there’s this…I guess a deep sense of compassion that silence gives you because it kind of strips away, like you said, there’s no small talk. All of the superficialities stripped away, and you kind of see into the heart of other people and, and there’s a sense of, everybody’s trying their best and we’re all kind of on the same journey together. So there is that sense of brotherhood and sisterhood. So after retreat when that stripping away has happened, often I find myself tearing up on the subway or at the shopping center or in a restaurant, you just happened to look and you see somebody and it’s almost like you see directly into their humanness. I’ve been known to weep in coffee shops.
Thal
That’s a good thing,
Aryne
But it’s not out of sadness. It really is out of a sense of deep connection and compassion. It’s kind of funny because nothing has happened, you know, somebody just riding the subway or having their coffee. But I take it as a good sign and I think that is one of the most beautiful gifts is that kind of compassionate and sympathetic joy and sense of connection with others that silence also offers.
Thal
The word that comes up for me is simplicity, is that, there’s beauty in simplicity. Our humanness is not as complex as we think it is.
Aryne
There’s something that I’ve been thinking about lately and when you feel that silence, when things have quieted down inside, it shifts kind of almost in a way time, things slow down. Your life doesn’t feel like an emergency anymore from kind of an experiential perspective. You kind of make decisions in. It is just kind of the experience of your life is calmer so silence does tend to affect time, but also space in some ways it’s a metaphor, but it kind of almost gives us buffer. It gives this distance. So when you’re in your life interacting with others at home or at work or whatever, often, we’re so reactive and I think that is a, maybe a consequence of things moving so fast. I think because science slows things down, it also gives some space between you and the situation where you can actually make a decision and you can make a choice. You actually have inner freedom and maybe that’s one of the other great gifts that silence gives. It gives you the space between what you’re going to do in the situation. If somebody says something that bothers you, you know somebody pulls in front of you in the car and what is your reaction? Often it’s one of anger or irritation or hurt, and I think the space that silence gives is somewhere where you can find the freedom to kind of look at something a bit more objectively and make a choice rather than just react in the same way you’ve always reacted. That is one piece that kind of just keeps growing the more and more you cultivate silence, that’s something that I don’t think I’ve lost. That’s something that just keeps growing and strengthening is that buffer, that distance between me and whatever’s happening in the world. I don’t feel I’m so much a victim of life circumstances anymore and that’s kind of a wonderful thing that you feel, not so much in control of life, but you have more control over yourself in your own reactions.
Thal
It’s amazing that you mentioned the connection between space and time and silent meditation. I just want to share this with our listeners. Just being in your apartment is an experience. It’s very quiet. Lots of books, not a lot of technology noise. It is important what you said considering social media, you know, there is, I don’t know why, I was just thinking what Snapchat when you’re talking about reaction. It’s just the nature of those apps and how people are, how we’re constantly reacting to each other to other people’s lives and how silence can give us a perspective and you know, perhaps some people may listen and think, how is this relevant to my life? In fact, it is.
Adrian
Yeah. It really strikes me is because we are living in the information age and there’s, this seems like there’s this race to accumulate more information, you know, get an advantage where what you’re describing the cultivation of silence is that what you really get is a perceptual advantage. It’s a change in perception not merely just having more ammo to use, but these almost mystical things that you’re describing, changing time, having the control to actually alter your experience of time and what that actually opens up as an opportunity. One of the challenges is that we’re talking about these things, but it’s experiential. That’s the other thing too, is that we’re using words that are always going to be insufficient to describe the direct experience of what it is that you’re sharing with us. Is there anything you can share with us perhaps those who are meditating that have never gone on retreat and maybe they’re doubting that they can ever even fit it into their lives or they have all sorts of reasons that, you know, that is preventing them from having the experience. Is there anything you might want to offer as a way to kind of walk them through if it’s something that you feel is…
Aryne
Certainly anybody who’s interested in silence or meditation? I would absolutely recommend a retreat. I mean, I’ve known so many people over the years who have had zero experience with meditation old or young and they jump into these long intense retreats and they make it and they get so much out of it. It’s a transformative experience even if they never come back. So if you are interested in silence or meditation, there’s so many places where you could do a weekend or Vipassana certainly offers 10 day retreats that are free of charge. They’re wonderful experiences. I would just say, you know, you can do, it is kind of scary and it can feel a little intense, but generally, there’s people there to support you. You’re well cared for…I think it’s just one of those kinds of leaps of faith at some point you have to do. For me there’s been nothing else that’s been as enriching as longer periods of time in silence. So whether that’s a long camping trip solo, a weekend retreat in your home or something more formal where there’s some teaching or meditation or silence. There’s probably nothing that really replaces it.
(silence)