spirituality

#26: From Crisis to Meaning with Shinzen Young

Welcome to our season one finale! On this episode, we talk to Shinzen Young about mindfulness within the context of the modern meaning crisis. Shinzen is a renowned meditation teacher and neuroscience research consultant. We met with him in Toronto after he had just finished leading a meditation retreat. Shinzen first became fascinated with Asian culture as a Jewish teenager growing up in Los Angeles in the 1950s. As he likes to describe himself: 

“I’m a Jewish-American Buddhist teacher who got turned on to comparative mysticism by an Irish-Catholic priest and who has developed a Burmese-Japanese fusion practice inspired by the spirit of quantified science.” 

We discuss happiness, enlightenment and his current new project which involves using brain stimulating technology that may dramatically accelerate meditation gains. He is the author of The Science of Enlightenment: How Meditation Works

Highlights:

  • Why is Mindfulness everywhere?
  • Meditation to Optimize Happiness
  • Co-evolution of Science and Mindfulness

Resources:

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Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:

Welcome Shinzen to the show.

Shinzen Young:

Thank you.

Thal:

Thank you for agreeing to come on. Thank you.

Adrian:

I think a neat place to begin this conversation is to ask how you see your role as a meditation teacher within, what we’re calling the meaning crisis, within the context of the modern meaning crisis. How do you see your role and how that relates to the bigger scale problem that we are, you know, sort of experiencing as a collective.

Shinzen Young:

So I like to answer questions by first asking a bunch of questions and I appear on, you know, a number of podcasts and usually they have a direction or an interest. And so by finding out how the person that’s interviewing me sees the theme, the broad theme of the podcast, I apply my dimensional analytic skills to getting an idea of what they’re talking about and then I can relate it to my areas. So I’ll begin by asking you folks a question. There’s three words: modern, was it meaning?

Thal:

Meaning

Shinzen Young:

And crisis. I’m interested in how you think of what those words mean. Um, when does modern start? What is a crisis in meaning? Uh, so I’ll let you folks talk first.

Thal:

Wow.

Adrian:

Yeah, no, that’s… Yeah, I love it.

Thal:

Yeah, sure. I’m, the way I see it is, um, sort of maybe the breakdown of the old way of seeing things, thinking about the world. Old paradigms. Um, it’s very hard. It’s not that black and white, it’s not really breaking down, but there’s this energetic shift that’s happening where just the old way of doing things is no longer working. And so we’re seeing that institutions, religion, politics, it’s just no longer working, the old way of doing things. And so then all these questions are coming up and they’re, um, along with those questions, there’s this anxiety around what’s going to happen and um, and sort of being lost in a way and grasping for meaning and a worldview.

Shinzen Young:

And would this be among the younger people? A certain generation? Do you have an age demographic that tends to listen to your podcast? And be in the meaning crisis?

Adrian:

I would say yeah, to a degree. It’s relating to a generation that we belong to. Sort of that millennial generation that I would consider myself part of.

Shinzen Young:

That would be called millennials part of, yeah. How old do you have to be? What’s the range of millennials?

Adrian:

I don’t know what the hard cutoff is. I mean, I was born in the mid eighties.

Thal:

I was born in ’82. I think. I think I’m like the older side of the spectrum.

Shinzen Young:

Well, I was born a long time before that. So, I actually belong to, um, some would say Boomer, but I’m at the very earliest part of the boomer. Boomer was supposed, I believe is taken to be post World War Two when the Vets came back. But I was born while my father was off fighting the Japanese in the Pacific. I was born during World War II. Um, as I, you know, that’s, that’s a long time before Boomer. Uh, okay..

Adrian:

For me, the meaning crisis at an individual, personal level was when I, towards the mid twenties was when I started really recognizing just a lack of fulfillment in my life. You know, having success from a career perspective, but just not feeling like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not fulfilled. I don’t feel, I don’t feel happy. I, you know, and the chasing doesn’t seem to be filling that, that experience that I was expecting…

Shinzen Young:

So that’s fulfillment.

Adrian:

To me it is, yeah.

Shinzen Young:

So what I’ve got so far is old things, the old ways of working. Um, and there’s rapid change. And there’s fear and a sense of unfulfillment. So yes. And maybe particularly for the millennial type, but of course it’s a Zeitgeist or spirit of the time kind of thing that would apply to any age demographic. Yeah. Well there’s a lot of relevance. Um, so you described me as a mindfulness teacher, which is an accurate description. Although the fuller description I would say is that I am a teacher of, but also a researcher in the field of what I would call Modern Mindfulness. So I’m all about dimensional analysis and careful use of words. Um, I think you guys speak Chinese, right?

Adrian:

Cantonese.

Shinzen Young:

Not so good.. [chuckle] in Cantonese. But Confucius said this idea of “Cheng-ming”, which is translated rectified names, I’m sure it’ll be pretty similar in Cantonese. So that was an early influence. It’s like, “oh yeah, it’s important to be careful about how we say things”. So I’m all about careful definitions and axial, you know, dimensional analysis of phenomena. So for me, Modern Mindfulness is a set term. I define it in a certain way. Obviously other people may use “mindfulness” or other related words in different ways. But for me, Modern Mindfulness is what some people call “secular mindfulness” or some people call “mainstream mindfulness”. But I don’t like either of those words for various reasons, but we need a name for it. And what the “it” is, is a contemplative practice co-evolving with science. So the reason that mindfulness is found all over the world now within the therapy setting, within the corporate setting, within the medical setting, even within the military. The US trains mindfulness. When Jon Kabat-Zinn and Saki Santorelli, who are sort of the heads of the MBSR approach, when they went to Beijing, there were members of the PLA, the Chinese national army there. And Saki told me that he thought the reason that they were there taking the seminar on MBSR was that they knew that the US military was using it. And I don’t know if that’s really true or not, but I think if you pardon my French, is pretty fucking amazing right?

Adrian:

Competitive advantage.

Shinzen Young:

I mean, are we gonna have um… Yeah, I don’t mind a Mindfulness Arms Race! Okay. That’s like a cold, that’s a Cold Peace as opposed to a Hot War. [Chuckling] Uh, but anyway, why is this everywhere? Okay. How did this happen? Well, Jon was able, Jon Kabat Zinn, spelled J-O-N, was able to put this South-east Asian Buddhist practice within the framework of clinical science. And okay. You know, you have pain, we give you these techniques. It may not make the pain go away, but youy perceived suffering goes way down. And we can use different psychometrics to make that a credible claim. So modern he linked it with science. Jon was originally a molecular biologist, which is pretty hard-nose quantitative science, but he was also a long time practitioner. So doctors started to send chronic pain patients to him because that’s a huge problem in clinical medicine. It’s an intractable problem, really. I mean everyone talks about this opioid epidemic or whatever, but I mean it has various causes, but one of them is, you know, these painkillers have these bad effects. So in any event, he got results and then it took off. So if we generalize what… MBSR stands for mindfulness based stress reduction. So if we sort of generalize what he did, um, which would have come online just about the time you folks were getting born. I would say he did two things. He abstracted the attentional skill training from the cultural doctrinal, religious, philosophical matrix of Asia. So that you didn’t have to believe in reincarnation or whatever, uh, you know, in order to do these practices. And then what he also did is he validated it by the standard cannons that are used in medicine. And it worked. It performed. It outperformed. So to me, what that represents is taking the spirit of science and modifying, in this case an essentially South-east Asian contemplative practice, um, making something that’s culturally universal and logic and evidence-based. But we can generalize that further because South-east Asian Buddhist practice is a proper subset of World Buddhist practice, but World Buddhist practice, in other words, quote “Buddhist Meditation” is a proper subset of world contemplative practice. As you folks know. There’s Christian, you have a Sufi path you have a Muslim name. So I’m guessing Muslim. Yeah, there’s contemplative tradition in Islam and Judaism, Christianity. So I’d like to take an even larger view. I talk of contemplative practice worldwide. So if we take contemplative practice, we can improve it by bringing in the spirit of science. But it works the other way. The science is… yes, it’s a cultural meme, but it’s also a human experience. It’s the experience of doing science. Whether it’s high school science or whether it’s professional level you’re shooting for a Nobel prize science. There is the doing of science, which is a human experience and experience of thought and emotion. And if the scientists take on a contemplative practice, they will be much happier human beings and therefore much more effective scientists. Um, so we can imagine a positive feedback loop moving forward in time.

All we need to do is somehow get past the next century or so, I would say without a catastrophic collapse of civilization, if we could somehow squeak through. I would expect that as contemplative practice becomes improved through interaction with science and as the scientists become improved through taking on contemplative practice, which then allows them to do better science, et Cetera, that a positive feedback loop could develop where they co-evolve. It’s a notion of course, from evolutionary biology. Sometimes species co-evolve. Sometimes they co-evolve to fight each other, but sometimes they co-evolve to cooperate with each other. And I see that as a viable possibility. Now, the reason that Buddhism sort of plays a big role is that of all the contemplative traditions of the world, or of all of the religions of the world, contemplative practice is most central in Buddhism. It’s what it’s all about really. Secondly, in the Buddhist tradition, there’s been very systematic and comprehensive analysis of what meditation practice is. It’s already proto-scientific in the way that it has been described historically. So there is a reason why Buddhism is central to this, but I see it as really a broader thing. But if we think of Buddhism or meditation practice as done in Asia, to me that represents the pinnacle of Asian civilization. It’s what Asia did better than anyone. And therefore the whole world should pay attention to that in a little bit of a special way because they did it right. They did it proto-scientifically, actually. Um, so if we wanted to somehow say, well, modern science is sort of a European thing. I mean, before the renaissance, other parts of the world, including the Islamic world actually was the center of science, but in the modern period, it’s been the west that took off. So my thing was, well, what might happen if the best of the East and the best of the West cross-fertilized? There would be some hybrid vitality. Some “wunderkind”, some wonder child perhaps born from that. So to get back to how I think about myself, so I’m essentially a researcher in Modern Mindfulness. So you need to know about two things. Since it’s these two worlds. You have to have an experiential background in contemplative practice. And you have to have scientific chops. You have to be good at math and a bunch of other things that make you a good scientist. So I decided to devote my life to developing those two directions within one person so that I could be in an ideal position to help the modern mindfulness movement. So I would say that’s how I think about myself.

So you’re asking a teacher and a researcher of Modern Mindfulness what about this rapid cultural change? What about the fear of the future? What about the sense that the old things aren’t working? Uh, what about this pervasive unfulfillment? And yeah. Hell yeah!

Thal:

[Laughing]

Shinzen Young:

A modern mindfulness researcher would have a lot to say about that. Actually it’s pretty much just a couple of things that cover all of the above actually. Um, if I had to pick, of the different things, if I had to pick the first dimension that I would respond to in terms of how you define the modern existential crisis, I would say unfulfillment or not broadly, deeply and intensely happy. A lack of being broadly, deeply and intensely happy might sum it all up. In the sense that fear is a form of being unhappy. It’s an uncomfortable inner state. So it’s a form of suffering. And certainly part of happiness is reducing suffering. The sense of the difficulty managing change and particularly unpredictable change. Um, well that’s actually a form of suffering also. Um, so really that managing change is part of being happy. So I still put it under the rubric of Happy. It’s interesting when you said the first thing that Thal said was the old ways aren’t working anymore. So, you know, the first thing that came to my mind is “the old ways never worked”. That was the first sentence that came up in talk space. The old ways never worked. Ever, actually. East, west, ancient, modern, they sort of worked. And sort of worked is okay, but I think we can do a lot better in the modern era, the information era. I don’t want to say things that might offend people, but I seem to end up doing it anyway.

Adrian:

Do it anyway.

Thal:

Please, go ahead.

Shinzen Young:

A lot of the old ways, not all, but at least the old ways in terms of post Neolithic humans, maybe Paleolithic or whatever proceeded that. That may be a different conversation, but, and this isn’t all of the old ways, but a lot of the old ways were ways of being happy. So they sort of worked. I mean they sort of make you happy. Um, you’ll notice I mentioned three dimensions of happiness, for an individual. How broadly happy they are, how deeply happy they are and how intensely happy they are. There could be a fourth dimension, which is the scope of happiness. How many individuals are to what degree broad, deep and intensely happy? And that would be of course a universal metric for happiness on this planet. Without loss of generality. Well, actually maybe with some loss of generality. So we’re going to just limit the conversation to human happiness. Happiness of nonhuman species is important, but that’s complicated to say nothing of speculations about other types of sentient beings in the Verse, the multiverse, whatever, however big this thing really is, which is I’m guessing probably much bigger than we can currently imagine. But in any event that’s speculative. So just limiting to humans on this planet. Basically we’ve got four dimensions to happiness. And so I warned you I have this dimensional way of thinking about things. By the way, that’s an example of what happens when you’re thinking process is profoundly informed by the spirit of science. That’s one of the skills you learn as a scientist is how to look at a complex phenomenon. And diagonalime the Matrix, find the eigenvalues, find the basic atoms, components, primes, canonical dimensions, whatever you want. These all mean the same thing essentially in science. Well prime is in number theory, but it’s analogous. So in any event, the goal is to optimize happiness. And I would claim that Modern Mindfulness as I describe it, is key to optimizing happiness. So that means the greatest number of people with the greatest intensity, breadth and depth of happiness, that’s what we want. So I mentioned that “Cheng-ming”, I try to be very precise about names. So I have a Periodic Table of Happiness Elements. You can find it on the Internet, although I revise it from time to time. It’s not as big as a periodic table of chemical elements, but it is actually amazingly similar in some ways. So one dimension I call how broad your happiness is. And there’s five sort of basic columns and then there’s four rows and they measure what I call depth of happiness. But as with any technical term, you shouldn’t associate breadth, depth, intensity with what they may mean elsewhere. They have to be defined, you know, within the particular scientific theory.

Adrian:

Contextual.

Shinzen Young:

So easiest to understand how broad your happiness is by specific example. So my sort of five pillars of heaven are “relief from suffering”, “increase in fulfillment”, um “understanding yourself at all levels” and we’ll get into the levels in a minute. “Mastering behavior, mastering actions” that could be sort of performance skills. But in the Buddhist tradition, they have an interesting thing. They use the word “skill” to refer to a one’s character. You have skillful character skills, or you have a skillful character, unskillful character. It’s what other traditions would call good and bad. A good actions, bad actions. But another way to think of it is skillful unskillful. It’s ort of the same thing. So I riff on the Buddhist ambiguity of skill to include both things like academic skills, performance skills, artistic skills. Um, those are forms of mastery of action. And there are how you, there’s how you carry yourself in the world. What kind of person you are in your interpersonal interactions. Were you an admirable person by your own cannons or the canons of the culture that you identify with. So all of those are mastery of object of actions. You’ll notice that the first three pillars sort of represent experience, right? Uh, experiencing physical, mental, emotional pain with less suffering. Experiencing physical, mental, emotional pleasure with more fulfillment. Um, understanding yourself at all levels from the biographical to the transpersonal. These are all sort of might be described as on the sensory side of experience. But I believe that how we act in the world is also a valid dimension of happiness. I have a lot of backup on that starting with Aristotle and actually most of the religions of the world. So acting skillfully or mastery of action, that’s dimension number or that’s column number four. Column number five is “service”. Maybe not everyone thinks of that first. Uh, you know, if you’re in chronic pain, all you think about is the first aspect of happiness. It’s all you care about. That’s why people get, have problems with drugs. Problems with drugs are action in the world. Now that’s mastery of behavior. So in any event, um, service, if you’re in chronic pain, being of service to others may not be the first thing that jumps up unless you’re really an extraordinary person. And every once in a while you get that. Someone that you know, that’s how they cope with it. But as people mature, they will come to see that it’s quite natural for a human being to derive immense happiness from serving others, in various ways. I would want for myself and for anyone else that we can check off all those columns that we couldn’t give them a way of reducing suffering, elevating fulfillment, understanding themselves at all levels, and making positive behavior changes. And ultimately a happiness based on a larger identity that one serves. So that’s the dimension of how broad, it’s a kind of qualitative dimension in a sense. Um, and I believe a complete positive psychology needs to take into account all those aspects. What I call level is not what you might think. It’s not how strong. It is how obvious a certain form of happiness is. The most obvious form of relief from suffering it is get rid of the condition that’s causing the suffering. But what if you can’t do that? Well, maybe I can cover over the symptoms somehow. So without loss of generality, uh, if I have pain, it’s caused by a disease, well, cure my disease. Good. We’ve taken care of the situation. Oh, you can’t cure my disease. Okay, well then give me palliative care that covers it over. Good. Now, no problem. Still still have the object of condition, but my perception of uncomfortable body-mind experience has been removed. Oh, the drugs cause addiction and eventually don’t work. Doc, what can you do for me? I’m afraid what they’re going to say is learn to live with it. Which may not be a very satisfying answer. Try not to get addicted and learn to live with it. Um, there are deeper levels of relief that are not obvious to people and entail mindful awareness skills. You have to have mindful awareness skills to get those less obvious forms of relief.

Analogously, there are less obvious forms of fulfillment, less obvious forms of self knowledge, uh, less obvious forms of service, et cetera, et cetera. So the deepest part of my grid is the least obvious. Those also happen to be the ones for which mindfulness skills are critical. Can’t get them without mindfulness skills. And they also are the ones that work when nothing else works. It’s the heavy guns. So how intense a person’s happiness is, well if you imagine this sort of two dimensional grid, then each box, you know, as a certain height, creating a three dimension, uh, sort of a two dimensional, um, profile. Right? How happy am I? How intense is my happiness? Oh, I should back up just to make it tangible with what I mean. The deepest level of relief is the ability to escape into the pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or all three at once. The ability to escape into it is the ability to experience it with perfect concentration, clarity, and equanimity. And we can train you to that ability. By you, I mean anyone who’s willing to put in the time and energy. We can train you to a level where, even if the discomfort is very intense, the suffering is manageable. So it’s not obvious to the general public that that’s a viable option. But Modern Mindfulness says absolutely. And it’s just a click away. Well, maybe I’m not in pain, but I’m not deeply fulfilled. Well, the obvious, uh, if I want more fulfillment, what’s the obvious? Well, more wealth, more power, reputation, sexual prowess, just you name it. Something in the object of world, um, status, the mate and rate. Now that’s a legitimate dimension of happiness. There’s nothing in my value system that says it’s wrong to passionately pursue success in the world. So these are obvious. Of course what happens? I see this all the time because being in the science field, we interact with wealthy people of the Silicon Valley ilk. And the reason they’re interested in people like me is they’re millionaires, sometimes billionaires, and it really didn’t make them that much happier. And it’s like what’s next? So there’s a next! But it’s not obvious. And mindfulness skills to it, concentration, clarity, equanimity, trainable attentional skills, turn out to be key to that deeper aspect of fulfillment. So the normal paradigm is, what I want is intensity, variety, and duration of pleasure that’s going to fulfill me. So actually that’s not entirely incorrect. It’s just not complete. What you really want is to have complete experience of pleasure. Um, I’m going to define complete experience of pleasure to be completely analogous to complete experience of pain. Just a different category of sensory phenomenology. So when you escape into the pleasure, um, you bring so much concentration, clarity and equanimity to it that it provides you with the maximum perception of fulfillment. So I sometimes talk about the Imelda Marcos phenomenon. So she was, uh do you know?

Adrian:

No.

Shinzen Young:

So interesting generation thing. She was the wife of the president of the Philippines who was a dictator that was president for a long time. Marcos. I guess set up after World War 2 by the U S. Anyway, his wife was named Imelda and she became an object of ridicule. It’s really sad, um, because it’s not just her, it’s, it’s everyone. She just was extreme and it got out and, um, therefore it became sort of a thing. But, but she had thousands of pairs of shoes. All of them of the, you know, most expensive worldwide, you know, kind of thing. Um, so if I have some nice thing, uh, maybe I’m a guy, so it’s not going to be the shoes probably, but something I really liked, uh, well let’s just say, an expensive meal. So the tastes are, the actual sensory event is putatively worth a lot of money. How much fulfillment I derive from that intensity, duration and variety of pleasure that is this banquet. How much fulfillment I derive is not just a function of the sensory experience, it’s a function of how completely present I am to that sensory experience. Well, for that you need concentration, clarity, equanimity skills. You have to distinguish things. You have to stay, keep your attention on the tastes and whatever. And you have to not grasp on moment by moment to the pleasure. Because if you grasp on microscopically, you won’t be fully present for the next moment and the next moment and the next moment. So the key to fulfillment, yes, in part it relates to circumstances. Yes, in part it relates to intensity, variety and duration of pleasure. But let’s say that you have very mild pleasures. Um, good news. With mindfulness skills, you can derive enormous fulfillment from that. Bad news, if you conspicuously lacked those skills. If one pair of expensive shoes doesn’t fulfill you. So pleasure times mindfulness. If the mindfulness is zero, fulfillment equals pleasure times mindfulness to a linear approximation. It’s a much more complicated function. No doubt. I don’t want to sound mathematically illiterate. That’s my ego, my pride. To a linear approximation. We could say that fulfillment equals pleasure times mindfulness. Unfortunately, if mindfulness is at zero, that means one pair of expensive shoes gives you zero fulfillment. 10 times zero is still zero. 2,000 times zero is still zero. So there’s a bad news thing and that’s the Imelda Marcos phenomenon, which is no one taught her how to be fulfilled systematically. So for the deeper version of fulfillment, um, mindfulness skills are critical, then there’s understanding yourself. Well what’s the self? There’s the biographical self, there’s the archetypal self. You mentioned some influence of depth psychology? Would that be Freudian and Jungian idea of depth psychology?

Thal:

Mostly Jungian.

Shinzen Young:

Jungian Depth Psychology. Yeah. Okay. So that deals with what I would call the archetypal self.

Thal:

Yes.

Shinzen Young:

Or the collective unconscious. What have you. That’s a deeper level of self than the surface biography self. But I would distinguish two more levels of self understanding that are not obvious, that critically involve mindfulness skills. One is to understand yourself as a sensory system. That’s the path to enlightenment done in Theravada practice, south-east Asian practice Then there’s understanding yourself as a kind of primordial perfection. That would be your “Soulspace” to riff on the name of the podcast. So that would be the deepest level. Now that’s the paradigm for enlightenment that you get in Chan or at least some forms of Chan. Aka Zen, Tzun, Tien, different names in East Asia. Tien is the Vietnamese pronunciation. A lot of that deals with what they call the “huo-xing”, the Buddha-nature, uh, “Gou zi yuo huo xing”. You know, “gou zi” is a dog. “Yuo”, have. “huo xing”, the Buddha nature. “Yo”, or. “Wu”, not have. Would be pretty similar in Cantonese, I’m thinking. That was a famous Koan or a Zen question. Yes or no, dog have Buddha nature? So what did the Buddha nature is the Mahayana formulation for a kind of primordial perfection that is literally our soulspace. That is the deepest and broadest sense of self. So in the Mahayana and extending from that Vajrayana like Tibet, the “mi jiong”, you know, the Esoteric Tantric Buddhism, in those traditions, enlightenment, not always, but often is formulated, not in the sense of something you achieve, but something you notice. That that nature was always there. So that’s your deepest level of understanding. So we, if you untangle yourself as a sensory experience, that leads to a liberated experience of the space of self. It becomes a place to live, not a place where you are imprisoned. So that’s a South-east Asian paradigm. And we could take a Trans-himalayan slash East-Asian paradigm of well. But below that, all along there was never any need to train, um, because of the nature, the deepest sense of self. But the problem is, although there’s no need to train, there’s still a need to train because it’s just an idea until you notice it. The “it” meaning this primordial perfection. So in any event, to summarize, if we think of Modern Mindfulness, so you asked me and I’m a Modern Mindfulness researcher slash teacher. So I guess you call it faculty. I’m part of the Modern Mindfulness faculty. I teach and I do research the research. Yeah. So in any event, um, you, you asked me as a Modern Mindfulness teacher, researcher how would I respond to the crisis of meaning, etc. And then you gave me the meaning of the crisis of meaning for you. So I would summarize it by saying, um, that the old ways sort of work and we don’t even have to get rid of the old ways, but there’s a larger way that either replaces the old ways or is in some sort of detente with the old ways or maybe even a complementarity, depending. So the new way… Well we’ll contrast with the old way. The old way is, here’s a list of beliefs. Here is a list of social customs. Here’s a list and in some cases and amazingly elaborate list of what’s right and wrong. Now keep your nose clean. Follow this list. And depending on the tradition, it will be general guidelines or it could control literally every moment of your life. My background is Jewish.

Thal:

Same.

Shinzen Young:

You’re Islamic, you know.

Thal:

Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

You know what that is. So here’s the rules, here’s the customs, here’s the beliefs, join up and you’ll be happy. And it actually sort of works. Some people are freaked out by fundamentalist religion. I’m not freaked out by it. I think I understand it. To be honest, I may not like it, but I do think I understand it. Um, it sort of works. And it probably works better than the angst of the modern crisis in meaning. Okay. Relative to that, those people are happy, but it’s happiness at a price to be honest. Um, first of all, they’re not as happy as they could be. Secondly, the way they found to be happy in some cases precludes them being happier in a broader way. In some cases, not always, but the worst is, the list of rules don’t agree. The list of customers don’t agree. The list of beliefs don’t agree. So I trot out my Tanakh, the Old Testament, you trot out your Quran. The Mormons trot out the book of Mormon, which is later than both and in their claim. Therefore, the final revelation. [Chuckle] On the other hand Nichiren Shōshū will trot out the Lotus Sutra. And Pure Land Buddhism will translate and we’ll trot out the Maha-Saccaka. What is it called? Maha-Saccaka sutra anyway. It’s not just the Abrahamic religions that have scripturally based fundamentalism. You can find it in certain forms of Buddhism and it pervades Hinduism. Um, anyway, be that as it may, that sort of works. But the biggest problem is, besides the problems I mentioned, is it sometimes doesn’t agree with science and it caught, it causes an us versus them mentality. Um, that then leads to say, jihads what have you. And a lot of other problems. So it’s sorta worked and we have to respect it for working in the way that it works. But to be honest, I see a broader paradigm of happiness that number one, works better, and number two, does not necessarily preclude the old ways. Uh, I have born again, Christians. I certainly have a lot of Catholics. I have practicing Orthodox Jews that come to my retreats. I do retreats in Israel. And we have a lot of orthodox Jews that come. And no one has any problem with anything. Because it’s Modern Mindfulness, it’s not “Stealth Buddhism”. Um, so in any event, if you want to follow the old way’s fine, but if they really don’t work for you, well we’ve got a larger broader paradigm.

So the new paradigm or perhaps the extended paradigm, if we want to include the old ways, uh, it’s so cool because if the old ways really don’t work for you, then okay, well there’s another dimension and it’s consonant with science. In fact, it can coevolve with science. Um, but it doesn’t involve these lists of norms. It has some conceptual baggage, but minimum. The minimum conceptual baggag is there’s an attentional skill, or you could call it a “mind power” if you want. But that’s mind is a very ambiguous word. When I present this stuff in Chinese though, one of the…I see you have my book, the Science of Enlightenment. So we’re translating it into Chinese now. By we, I mean me and a couple people born in China. So it’s a very interesting conversation because how do you say mindfulness in Chinese? Okay. Um, for modern China, right? Uh, anyway, one of the words, we were thinking, one of the terms that we were thinking of using his “Shin Li”, which is like “Shin”, “Sum” luck? I’m guessing Cantonese here, something like that, right?

Adrian:

Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

Like consciousness strength, right? You could think of it that way, but we call them attentional skills. So there are these attentional skills and they are cultivatable. We do ask you to believe that, but that’s not a big stretch because just try and you’ll see you get better and better. And it’s just like any other strength. You do exercise, your muscles get big. You concentrate and your concentration power elevates. So there are these attentional skills: concentration, sensory clarity, equanimity. The’re cultivatable and in fact, eminently cultivatable you can, you can only get maybe twice as strong, I don’t know. But you can get 10 times as mindful. So there are these cultivatable skills and they are relevant to all types and depths of happiness. Everything on my happiness grid is impacted positively. In other words, happiness is optimized at all levels, not just the deepest level, but the mindfulness skills are related to the surface level of happiness. Also because if being a success in the world in some way is on your happiness checklist, we can show you how systematically cultivating and applying mindfulness skills will make it probable that you will be successful. So the main message here is, in a sense what might be called a bigger way to be happy or if the old ways really don’t work for you, then you would think of it as an alternative way to be happy. And what we ask is that you allocate a certain amount of time and energy to developing these attentional skills and that you also apply those skills in daily life to achieving your happiness goals. If a person does that, we can’t guarantee, but we could be like a doctor. We can say, if you establish the structure of practice, retreat, practice life, practice, you get support, you give support those are sort of my four pillars of practice. If you establish that structure in your life, it’s like a health, it’s like a fitness regimen except it’s a psycho-spiritual fitness regimen. But it’s no more demanding than a fitness regimen. That’s why you can be hopeful because there was a time when no one worked out. No one jogged. I remember the transition. I can remember buying my first pair of running shoes because as people say, everyone’s jogging now, what the hell is jogging? Well, you just run. Well, what’s the point? And then well, turns out there’s a big point to it. And no one was doing it, but then people were talking about it and so it’s like, oh, okay. I got some running shoes and I can remember running around the block and getting winded instantly. It’s like, this sucks. I don’t want to do that. But then no, you just keep doing it. You get better at it. And sure enough, in a month I was running a couple miles. Now I was in my twenties. And you can do the math on that one when that would have been, um, so there was a time when no one had systematic fitness training. Now a lot of people do. Um, it’s not unreasonable to think that there’ll be a time in the future when a lot of people have systematic mind strength training or a “mindfulness training”. Uh, so, um, the hopeful news is that if you’re willing to establish a sort of psycho spiritual fitness regimen and I would say that the single most important factor for that is to have a competent personal mindfulness coach.

Um, if you want one, just go to unifiedmindfulness.com. Go to support. Send an email to my main trainer, Julianna Raye, and she’ll get you set up. Um, now of course, that’s not the only game in town. There’s many, many, many mindfulness programs. But as I say, I, one of my great sources of joy is that I can say, if you want to have a personal mindfulness coach, now you may have to pay for that. You pay for a therapist, you pay for a competent workout coach. Now her people do a lot of pro bono work because this isn’t a for-profit industry, but the most important pillar is a competent personal coach. You give them your happiness list. Here’s my checklist. Here’s my sources of suffering. Here’s where I want to be more fulfilled. Do I want to understand myself psychologically? Okay, do I want to go a little, a little deeper? Okay. Um, here are the behavior changes I want, et cetera. You give them your laundry list for happiness. And then they guide you in the process of achieving that goal. Now, just as a personal health regimen, you have to keep it up your whole life. I just came from the gym. I’m 75 years old. I mean my body is very deteriorating, you know, relative to when I was 25 years old. But you keep it up for your whole life as, as best as you can. Now, the thing about physical health though is it deteriorates with time. It’s an up an uphill battle, right? That eventually you lose. You get injured, you get sick, you die. But the psycho spiritual dimension of growth works exactly the opposite. The older you get, and the more feeble your mind and body become, the more powerful your underlying spiritual vitality. Thank God because if it didn’t work that way, I’d be up Shit Creek without a paddle. So the good news is that if you’re willing to do that, and as I mentioned, you know, if I had to say one thing is get a coach because the coach knows the model, knows the turf and if they’ve been, at least, if they’ve been certified by my organization, they’re certified to a certain level. And if they can handle the levels of happiness you want, then they refer you to a coach that can. Let’s say you want classical enlightenment as per the path of purification described in Sri Lanka in the sixth century. It’s like, that’s my happiness. I want stream entry. Well, I’m not saying every, every unified mindfulness coach has the confidence to lead you there, but plenty of them do.

But that’s probably not on your happiness list. It’s probably “I just want to have less mental turmoil and less emotional distress” or “I want to do better in school” or “improve my tennis game”. So that’s where we start. We start there. But the paradigm, the perspective that we give you and the attentional skills that we impart and the focusing strategies that you can apply as you go about daily life. All of that is the same essentially, regardless of what your goals are. So you can, the incredible thing about modern mindfulness is it is a upaya for the modern age. Upaya is a Buddhist concept. How do you reach people? Most people don’t care about enlightenment. Actually, a lot of people may not even care about being a good person.

Thal:

That’s true.

Shinzen Young:

I’ve actually had students that were criminals. Professional criminals. Now I can’t, um, you know, I couldn’t affirm their lifestyle, but I taught them. I will teach them and because I’m setting the stage for possible lifestyle changes, I’m, I’m, I’m fine with that. Um, not everyone even wants to be a good person, but everyone has something they want. And whatever it is, a competent mindfulness coach… we can’t guarantee that they’ll deliver it. But we can say with time, if you keep up the regimen for the duration, it’s likely at some point in your life, likely that in fact, yeah, you’ll sort of get that. But as if that weren’t powerful enough, the same attentional skills and the same focus strategies that you would use to deconstruct your back pain, you can also use that to deconstruct your anxiety or your confusion. And so a Modern Mindfulness teacher is a kind of a device that transforms the world’s small concept of happiness as a goal to this huge concept of happiness. But the same skills and techniques are applied for all types and levels of happiness. So by the aesthetic canons of science, it is an extremely powerful and elegant system.

Adrian:

Shinzen, we’d love to hear some of the latest research that you’re involved in. You mentioned the research side. So how that blends into your current work and also just, I mean it’s the name of your book, the Science of Enlightenment. We want to hear about the path of Enlightenment. Is it for everybody? And how is that connected to the work that you’re currently doing?

Shinzen Young:

Well, enlightenment means different things to different people. I mean, if you just go to Wikipedia disambiguation page, you’ll see how many things have been called enlightenment. I mean, there’s a period in European history that’s called the enlightenment. But this is a different meaning. Um, so if we take enlightenment to mean understanding yourself at the deepest level, then I’m going to say that it’s probably relevant for most people. In the sense that if understanding yourself at all is relevant than understanding yourself at the deepest level would be relevant, I would think as a natural consequence. Because most people want to understand themselves, at least at some level, I’m just extrapolating from that. Then if we take enlightenment to simply mean the deepest level, then that’s relevant to most people because that’s just the next step after the next step of understanding yourself. It’s also relevant because sooner or later everyone dies. And you might die quickly. Like, you know, just die in bed or you know, something, an accident just takes you out. But a lot of people aren’t going to die quickly. They’re gonna go through a dying process and all the structures that they use to cope will eventually be broken down and stripped away by that dying process or at least a lot of them. In other words, a lot of the surface stuff that constitutes our identity, the surface self that’s getting ripped away in the dying process, I mean like hour by hour, day by day, minute by minute. So a lot of people are going to go through that and there’s a natural.. In all the humans that don’t die quickly really quickly. Anyone that dies consciously is going to have to go through all of the surface levels of self being majorly fucked up and stripped away. So if you have some sense of the part of you that is so deep that it is immune to that. If you have some sense of that before the dying process, then your mortality, the mortality of everyone you care about has a different context. Furthermore, of course, once you understand yourself at that level, you’re able to fully participate in life for the first time as nothing blocking. The doingness of the personality, the somethingness of the self is gone. But the underlying doingness, the verb, the dynamics space, that is the soul that is deeper than an individual’s life and death. So if you are able to have that way before you physically die, well, that’s really the deepest and most central dimension of human happiness. So I would say, yeah, it’s relevant and it’s feasible. So it’s important to realize, I repeat, enlightenment is used in different ways by different people. So here what I’m talking about is what in the Southeast Asian tradition is called stream entry. And what in East Asia is called seeing your nature “jian shin”. Could the average householder, average might not be the word, but, uh, generally a householder, someone that has family that had that has a career, job, is it feasible that in their lifetime, that level of enlightenment, uh, could be achieved? Yeah, it’s feasible. But you have to establish and maintain the psycho-spiritual health regimen that I mentioned. See as I mentioned, for physical health. It’s a losing battle. But for psycho spiritual health that older you get that the more experience you have, the closer you get to this liberation. And you can call it liberation or enlightenment. They call it enlightenment because there’s a kind of intuitive understanding that arises. But you can call it liberation because there’s a freedom from the limited identity. So first levels of liberation enlightenment are feasible and relevant for most people, I would say. Now, full enlightenment, full liberation, that’s actually a very different critter. So I expect that a significant proportion of people that participate in my version of this training and keep it up for their whole life will get at least that initial level, but maybe not quickly and maybe not suddenly, but with time, gradually it’s probable. So that gives you a little bit of a reality check. Now, there’s full liberation. That means the full braking of the identity with the mind body process. That is a different critter. So stream entry, it’s all over the place. Uh, you’ve met, all of you have met or interacted with people, whether you knew it or not, that were stream enterers by my criteria in any way. The problem is different teachers have different criteria, right. Arhat, I mean, I spent my life in this field and I lived where it came from. Asia. Yeah. I met a few Asian masters that I think we’re in that ballpark. But that’s in 50 years and it was just a few. If you’re interested, I can give you the names, you can look up. Look them up and so forth. But complete liberation, that’s a whole other thing. But an initial taste that satisfies you for the duration, that’s feasible. Problem is, uh, you remember, I only said it’s probable and I said it might take quite a while. Um, so most people’s experience, initial experience of meditating is “I can’t do this, my mind wanders, I can’t concentrate”. Um, and very quickly they just give it up because there’s not a quick reward, in many cases. So it takes a lot of maturity to stay with it until it all starts to make sense. And you start to get some tangible… I mean, people obviously get some benefits or no one would stay with it. So we were talking about like the opioid epidemic. It’s on my mind because some of our research is probably going to be directed towards that clinical population. We’re at the University of Arizona. But we’re partnering with the major addiction recovery center in the state of Arizona. So it’s on my mind. So, heroin, man, I mean, try it two times…you know, two, three times, I guess you’re hooked, right? That’s instantly addictive. And it changes your whole life for the truly horrible in a truly horrible way. So the idea would be, well, what’s the diametric opposite of that? Something that very quickly gives you fulfillment, independent of conditions. And now, oh, I want more of that, but this isn’t an addiction. This is actually a freedom from addiction. It’s equanimity. It’s a non-grasping around pleasure. So the idea is that if we could enhance the training protocol that currently exists, which is, as I mentioned, retreat practice, life practice, get support, give support. If people want details on that, they can go to my web resources. What I mean by those things.

But if in addition to those components, people often when we start to talk about technology enhanced, whatever, they think, “oh you guys think that you can just zap people into enlightenment?” No… Not exactly. Um, but what we think is it may be possible with technology to enhance the training so that people start to get more dramatic results quicker. A lot quicker so that anyone that has an interest in this tries it a few times and it actually works. It works the way. Maybe not the way it works after 50 years. Because I’ve got 50 years. That’s, that’s a bittersweet experience. The sweet part is this shit works and yeah, everything they said would happen happened. The bitter part is you look out at the world and how many people put in 50 years of that kind of training. So if in five months, five weeks, people could get a taste of what this can really deliver, that would change the course of history precipitously for the better everywhere. Particularly if what I’m describing is folded into standard medicine. So my plot, so to speak, what is a good plot. Okay. in other words is my strategy is, uh, to um, use neuromodulation technology to not zap people into mindfulness but to induce a state of neuroplasticity where in the mindfulness training becomes more efficient and therefore the rewards are more immediate. And then it’s a global viral meme and you get it just because you visited a doctor at a hospital stay. Or you got addicted to opiates and now you’re in a recovery program. But the recovery program after we’ve detoxed you, provides you with a techno boosted mindfulness training regimen and then you maintain that to maintain sobriety. That would be one example. So what we want to do is take all of the, any major area of clinical medicine, create a techno boosted training program. Not, not some zap that we claim is going to take you into some state, but something that creates an environment wherein you can train more effectively. Um, and you get that by contact with medicine. In other words, science. Wherever you are in the world. And since medicine is medicine everywhere, it doesn’t matter whether it’s in the People’s Republic of China or under the Ayatollahs in Tehran, medicine is still medicine. And since these interventions don’t have any religious component to them, there shouldn’t be any pushback. So the idea would be to weave…to sort of enlarge what medicine does from relieving suffering by curing diseases or relieve suffering by palliating symptoms. That’s what medicine now does. So a larger view of medicine is medicine cures suffering. Or medicine allows you to be happy at the deepest and broadest formulation. Uh, and that’s what medicine delivers. So this would then make optimal happiness part of all human cultures. So that’s the dream. That’s the holy grail. Now, the trick is, are there neuromodulations that can do this? A lot of people claim that they have that. To which I say bullshit. And here’s why. If we really had that or if we have had that for a while, see, one of the things about sciences is that causes have consequences. So the kind of technology of enlightenment that I’m envisaging would dramatically change the world for the better. Look around at everything that people are offering that says, hey, this is it. I’m going to microdose you with the psilocybin. But we’re gonna do this new expensive neurofeedback. We’re going to blah, blah, blah. Okay, fine. Is it a reasonable hypothesis that knowledge of this intervention will in the next century, fundamentally change the name of the game on this planet from competition for limited resources to… Well, yeah, there’s that, but there’s also how much fulfillment you get from what you got and turns out that’s even more important. Will these technologies end war, more or less. Will they end social injustice, more or less? Will they end violence? Well I said wars, crime. Okay. Is that, it’s this super neurofeedback or this microdosing of psilocybin. Is this all we need? This plus a hundred years essentially this planet is now Heavan on earth? Extrapolate. I don’t think so! Not even remotely. I don’t know. But maybe, that plus mindfulness plus a hundred years, but maybe we don’t have a hundred years. Um, so I’m asking for something more dramatic. A lot more dramatic. We don’t know if it exists, but it’s certainly worth looking for. And if you were to ask me to make my best candidate and best candidate doesn’t mean I think this is gonna work. It’s just the best out of everything I’ve seen so far. But I’m not claiming it will work. And I’m also not claiming it’s safe, by the way. So very careful about claims because people make claims. Irresponsible claims. It really frosts my buns. But my best guess for where to start is ultrasonic neuromodulation. Low intensity focused ultrasound directed to ego hubs, grasping hubs that could perhaps relax that a little bit and create the situation where people can get dramatic results fairly quickly. That would be my best candidate. But that’s not saying Shinzen Young thinks it’s a good candidate. It’s just the most promising I’ve seen so far. We have a lab called SEMA lab at the University of Arizona that stands for Sonication Enhanced Mindful Awareness training lab. Um, and that’s what we’re looking into at this time.

Adrian:

Thank you for sharing that.

Thal:

Wow.

Shinzen Young:

Uh, you guys should have Jay on too. He’s my PI. He’s the director of the lab. I’m in charge of a protocol development.

Adrian:

It feels tangible too because you’ve also identified a timeframe, right? Like the goal of within the next century, you know, would be ideal. Um, and then also the imminent like needing to accelerate this too. There’s a sense of urgency of finding that technology to speed up what has a proven track record, the methodologies and, but then to augment it with the modern…[chuckling] We started this conversation with what modern means. But it sounds like it’s, you know, yet to be discovered. So there’s an excitement to this type of work.

Shinzen Young:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, if people are interested, they can go to youtube and find Jay Sanguinetti. And he talks about the, what the work that we’re doing.

Thal:

Um, I’m still thinking about the word enlightenment. An, is it for everyone? And is it a goal that we should all aspire to? Um, I think it’s just, I don’t have a specific question around enlightenment, but maybe how is it relevant for our generation? Uh, I really don’t have a specific question. What I’m thinking about is thinking about some friends who would listen to the word enlightened and be like, “pfff” like really? I mean, do I have to sit… Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

Hence, you don’t have to call it enlightenment and maybe we shouldn’t call it enlightenment. I called it enlightenment because that’s just what I called it. Right. But, um, when I go to the People’s Republic of China, probably this year, I’m going to just call it understanding yourself at the deepest level.

Thal:

Yes. I think that answers my question. Yeah. Understanding ourselves is part of the meaning crisis really.

Shinzen Young:

Sure.

Thal:

Absolutely. Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

So there’s your answer, right. And this word is used to translate certain Asian terms, but we can get you there without calling it enlightenment.

Thal:

Right.

Shinzen Young:

Um, I would just call it understanding yourself at the deepest level and that makes, that makes it normal. That normalizes it. So you’re right. Uh, enlightenment, even though it’s on my book is actually not a good word moving forward.

Thal:

Anything else you want to ask?

Shinzen Young:

Well you got a lot more than 70 minutes. But use it as you wish, you know, chop it up. Parcel it out.

Thal:

Yeah. The way I see it. This is an opportunity. So anything you say is our gems really. So thank you. Thank you.

Adrian:

Are there, are there any teachers like currently that you have a relationship with? Dead or alive? I was actually curious because, you know, I see you…

Shinzen Young:

Do you mean that they function as a teacher.

Adrian:

Yeah, you’re a student to them. Yeah having that relation.

Shinzen Young:

Not at this time, no. But we’re sort of co-teacher’s to each other. So in that sense, I would think the dialoguing that I do with other teachers, we’re all sort of teaching each other at this point. Um, but I don’t have a formal relationship with anyone. Neither do I think of the people that utilize my programs as being my disciples or, I mean we call them students, but, um, it’s really more of a, yeah. I don’t, I don’t have that, uh, Asian lineage thing. That is very important for cultural reasons in that part of the world. But you know, I’m not going to have successors and I encourage people to just utilize any resources that are available that are competent in this area. So I guess because I don’t look upon myself as a teacher in the sense of, you know, um, do what I say because you know, you have to sorta in some way surrender to me as your teacher. I don’t think of my students in that relationship. So I guess I don’t think I need that relationship with someone else at this point.

Thal:

Actually I have, The Science of Enlightenment in an audio book and I’ve like been listening to it on and off. And there was a story that you mentioned speaking again of, and I love the word enlightenment. You, uh, one of your teachers, you asked him to, um, I hope I’m getting this right. You asked him to teach you an advanced form of meditation. I really loved that story and maybe you can share that and, um, like the experience of like enlightenment moment.

Shinzen Young:

Um, can you, uh, refresh me on the details of the story?

Thal:

I think you were in, I don’t know, I think you were probably in Japan, I’m not sure. And and it was a zen teacher and you ask them to give you an advanced…

Shinzen Young:

Is this like I was doing breath than I wanted…

Thal:

Yes! And you wanted something more advanced and he’s like, really? There are people who have done breath for years.

Shinzen Young:

Well, there’s several parts to that story, but yeah, I was doing the breath and I was going to be leaving Japan. So oh wait, no, I’m conflating the past. Hold it just second. That’s what happens. Um, okay. No, it was not when I was about to leave. I’ve been… Yes. I’d been practicing for several months. Uh, the standard Chan breath counting. And then yeah, I went to him and I asked for a more advanced practice and because he was in, you know, there’s sort of, some of the Zen masters are ferocious. It sounds, uh, sort of, I don’t know, um, romantic or somehow interesting culturally that there would be masters who are ferocious, but I can tell you it gets old really quick, right. Really quick. But that’s a whole other thing. So anyway, yeah, he was like “there have been people who have done 40 years of zen practice…” Yes. In Japanese so it’s even more macho.

Thal:

[laughing]

Shinzen Young:

Yeah. Try to remember the original Japanese. But anyway, it was like, “who do you think you are kid? You just begun to begun to begun”. And it’s true. Now I’ve met people that spent 40 years at the tip of their nose and it worked that, that, that, you know, that did it. Um, but did you want me to say what would the more advanced practice was?

Thal:

Yes.

Shinzen Young:

Well, it wasn’t really a more advanced practice. That’s sort of the whole point. It was a different practice.

Thal:

Yes.

Shinzen Young:

It was self inquiry in the Buddhist form. Answer this question: who are you? Which is of courses, you’re being asked to understand yourself at the deepest level. So it all comes full circle, right?

Thal:

Absolutely. Yeah. It’s, um, it’s interesting because when you said it, there’s this romantic idea and it gets old really fast. I just went to a 10-day Vipassana and going through the practice everyday, they today is not romantic at all. It’s painful. So I admire your dedication and those years that you spent, I mean…

Shinzen Young:

Yeah, but I hope that you continue with formal practice or with systematic practice. You may or may not want to work in that tradition.

Thal:

Right.

Shinzen Young:

I actually lived at Mr. Goenka’s Center in India and it’s a wonderful, powerful way of working.

Thal:

Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

Okay.

Adrian:

It’s a real pleasure.

Shinzen Young:

It’s a wrap.

Thal:

Thank you.

Adrian:

Thank you.

#21: Holistic Psychotherapy with Phyllis Alongi

The journey of healing through psychotherapy entails an unearthing of our authentic feelings that we have learned to shut down due to various reasons, including trauma and societal constructs. More and more, we recognize the importance of connection and relationships for our mental health. The space between two people, whether they are client and therapist, two friends, or lovers, may be an essential factor in healing.

On this episode, we have a conversation with professional counselor and educator Phyllis Alongi. Based in New Jersey, Phyllis brings a holistic approach to psychotherapy and healing. We explore toxic relationships, the therapeutic container, clinical inuition, Sandplay Therapy with children, and we also tackle some sensitive mental health topics like trauma, borderline personality disorder and suicidality. Phyllis is a Reiki and Healing Arts practitioner and she is currently completing her doctoral degree in Integral and Transpersonal Psychology. 

Highlights:

  • Therapeutic Alliance
  • Navigating Toxic Relationships
  • Clinical Intuition
  • Using Sandplay Therapy with Children
  • Trauma, Borderline Personality and Suicidality

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:                             

Welcome Phyl to the show.

Phyllis Alongi:             

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Thal:                             

Thank you for coming on.

Adrian:                        

 Phyl. I’d love to hear, just about the early years before psychotherapy, before you found your profession. Maybe if you can share with our listeners a bit about your history. You can go as far back as you feel is necessary to kind of bring us to date as to how you discovered the profession and why you’re doing it currently.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Sure. I think that my religious background really had a lot in molding me toward the field of psychotherapy and psychology. Initially, I wanted to maybe be a psychiatrist. I was looking more in something a little more toward a medical model. I was raised a Catholic. I engaged in in 12 years of Catholic school education and it was very prominent in my upbringing and in my family, very family oriented, Italian, New York, you know, upbringing. We were Catholic, we went to Catholic school, we all went to church. It was, there was no question that that’s not how you practiced. I knew that, you know, growing up that I needed to be connected and fulfilled because church was very peaceful for me. But it was what was happening in church that didn’t settle well with me, and then throughout adolescence I really questioned and started to doubt my faith, based on some of the events that happened to me when I was 15, I was on vacation with my family, on Easter Sunday and at a restaurant in vacation in Miami, Florida. My father died and had a heart attack. My mother was 39 and widowed on spring break with her three kids and now her husband’s not here anymore.

To come back (inaudible) from that, it took many, many years. I will share with you that one of my very close family members, developed a substance abuse issue. It really put a strain on our relationship and on our family and I started to question my faith and I started to question, what is my religion and from these questions and these doubts, the yearning to be connected to something, to my belief in a higher power. I customized Christianity and Catholicism to my own spirituality, to meet my needs to connect. Psychotherapy seemed very organic in a way because it was about the human experience and it was about the things that I was gravitated towards, about people, about how interesting I think the mind is [inaudible] tried to scratch the surface and figure out why people do what it is that they do.

I think that plus my spiritual background really propelled me into the direction it was, felt very organic. Studying psychology, learning about counseling theory and technique. It never even felt like I was in school. None of that felt like a requirement to me. I’ve always been a duck to water and gravitated towards that piece of it, and as I became more and more entrenched in psychotherapy, in practice and in my life I’ve learned to take bits and pieces of what feels right to me and implement that into my practice with people.

Thal:                             

Amazing! So it’s the spiritual aspects, I guess, of psychotherapy that attracted you to psychotherapy as opposed to psychiatry, you think? How would you describe psychotherapy?

Phyllis Alongi:               

If we look at psychotherapy through a transpersonal lens or a spiritual lens, we understand that it is what’s between the two people. That is something that we can’t taste. We can’t feel, we can’t color, we can’t touch, but we know that it exists. What is it about two human beings that we can create this space between the two of us, and be able to facilitate healing in that. Yet it’s not something tangible. If you look at Catholicism, many of the mysteries and the main focuses of what we are to believe in are not tangible. It felt very much like that, it is my faith in humanity, it is my faith in my spirituality in the essence of another person where I meet them in that area (inaudible). I know that it exists, and that is the space for healing.

Thal:                             

Phyl, we just want to go back a little bit and describe that space between two people, the therapeutic alliance. In your opinion, how does that process unfold? What are the elements that have to be present for healing to take place?

Phyllis Alongi:               

That’s a wonderful question. When people come to therapy, oftentimes they look for the psychotherapist to not only guide them but be the first, the initial space creator. Part of what’s healing and what facilitates healing is what a client brings, what the other person brings to that space. There has to be some equality in that. What creates that therapeutic container? The elements, I feel, that are very very important to the facilitation of not only cocreating it, but also in where the healing starts is when there’s presence and a person comes to therapy willing to be in the moment, willing to delve deeper, to expand themselves so that they’re ready to shed all of what they’re afraid of to all the preconceived notions that they’ve heard, what therapy is like, or what they went on my website and they saw me first and thought, oh, she’s this or she’s that, and to shed all of that and just be in the moment of each other’s energy.

To me that essence of healing begins that therapeutic alliance. Of course, receptivity, how open we both are to being with each other. How open we are to each other’s suggestions and to the energetic flow or the direction that the therapy is going in, which is client led, but it comes from this participatory cocreated spiritual place where we’re ready and we’re receptive. We’re present and we’re in the moment of that. The alliance is built on that equal cocreated trust that what I need is inside of me and you’re going to help me move through that. You are going to help me ignite that in me so that we can discover ways only I know my limitations and only I know what’s going to work for me and you’re going to help me discover that. We can work through that together. I trust that I’m in the right space at the right time. It truly is exceptional, and when two people, that moment where there’s true healing and there’s true trust and the alliance, the rapport really starts to form, the cocreated therapeutic container gets stronger and stronger and it gets more open to what needs, what will fill it, and what needs to be addressed.

Thal:                             

It’s almost like this therapeutic container is a third element that’s available between the therapist and the client.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Yes and it’s not only initiated by the therapist at the onset of therapy, the client needs to come to therapy already ready to do those things, ready to be present, to be receptive and to begin the alliance. When I look back at years of doing psychotherapy, what were the characteristics of clients who really made nominal therapeutic progress, like whose lives changed, who brought themselves to a space where they were feeling better, where they were higher functioning, where they were more content. I look back at those characteristics because they came to therapy ready. I’m not saying like locked and loaded where I have all the answers and I know what I have to do, but that I’ve thought about it. I’m not going to let psychotherapy happen to me. I’m going to be an active participant in it. I think coming with that mindset, seeing your work through that lens helps to shape that container.

Thal:                             

In many ways, this is much more empowering. A lot of people feel like psychotherapy is …is this some kind of mind control? Some of them think that or some of them might think, oh, does this really help? What’s the point of therapy? Really a large part of it is what the client brings in and their willingness to realize that the elements of their own healing is within them.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Yes, what I need to heal myself, the things that I need to heal, to facilitate healing, to cultivate healing are inside of me, and in this space, we’re going to tap them out. We’re going to tease them out and we’re going to move towards healing. There’s so much in that…there’s intuition, there’s desire, there’s things like my commitment to therapy and there’s a lot of factors and sub-factors involved in that. I think willingness, receptivity, presence and the cocreation of that alliance being, you know, ready to do that are probably that my top three.

Thal:                             

That’s a very empowering narrative.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, how do you describe to your clients your style, sort of your approach to therapy? Cause I, you know, there are many types and techniques out there, do you specialize in any particular methodology? How do you typically describe the process?

Phyllis Alongi:               

It’s so interesting because when you join websites like directories and websites like psychology today, they’ll ask, what are your specialties, what techniques do you use? I always find that very interesting o r a client will call and say, you know, someone will inquire, do you do DBT? Do you do CBT? Are you this kind of therapist? Are you that kind of therapist? And I always say this, tell me what you’re looking for? My approach to therapy is that it should be client led and that based on what the information you provide to me of what your needs are, what you’re struggling with and where you want to go, then I will tailor or customize that to suit their needs. Because you know, if CBT techniques, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, might work with one person that they might not work with someone else, someone else may not be open to just the idea of that and wants something more interactive or less inside my head and more in my behavior.

It depends. I like it to be very client led and it’s a very eclectic blend of what I’ve learned. I consider myself very intuitive so I sometimes go with my own clinical intuition of what techniques I think would work good. You know, would work well with someone, what they would be open to, how they would respond. Oftentimes I might think it’s one way, and then as I get to know someone better, it’s revealed to me that’s something else we’ll work. Usually, it’s just led by the client based on their conversation, what they’re looking for, where their level of functioning is. I think that that’s probably what I am, I’m more holistic and I come from a very spiritual place and I allow the client to tell me about spirituality before I bring it in. I let them bring it in, first, so that I know that it would be welcomed and that they’re receptive to it. I use a myriad of years of bits and pieces of what I’ve learned and what I’ve incorporated that I know is what the client is looking for in the moment.

Thal:                             

Before we move on to the next question, using words such as empathy and intuition nowadays, you know, it could mean so many different things. What is intuition to you? What does it mean?

Phyllis Alongi:  

To me, intuition is a way of knowing without knowing how I know. When I see someone, it’s not a message or channeling, I wish I could say it was that, but it’s energy. My energy is reading your energy and I’m getting information based on your presence and your essence. This is the best way that I can describe it. I hope that it makes sense to your listeners that it’s a feeling that I get and then I take a moment to think what is this feeling? Then I get some information and I don’t know how I know to do that. For instance, I’ll give you an example. If I’m working, if I don’t know a client very well, maybe it is the first or second time that they’ve come to me for a session and we’re talking and I get this feeling like I need to ask about a specific sibling or a maternal grandparent and it is inevitably impactful, has had an impact, negative or positive on this client.

Why would that feeling come to me if we were talking about some work situation or they were explaining something else to me? It’s a way of knowing something without knowing how I know it’s not in anything the client said. It’s not in anything that any paperwork that they would do beforehand or in the intake, it’s not a conclusion that I’ve drawn. It’s a knowing that I get when I’m very connected to someone’s energy and 100% in the moment when there’s that cocreated healing environment and it’s two people present in that spiritual, exceptional transpersonal space between the two of us and we are connected is when I get the most intuitive information and it really does help guide where the sessions are going.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, in your opinion, is this intuitive abilities something that can be trained? I mean we live in a society that it seems that the left brain function sort of analytical mode is highly celebrated and perhaps these sort of intuitive skills are a little bit less familiar with and perhaps often just not even an area focus in education. Is it something that can be trained?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I definitely think that psychospiritual practices, Yoga, meditation, Reiki, even massage therapists, mindfulness, those are ways to increase it. We all have intuition and I think how we can train someone is how we can harness it and it would be in cultivating practices and giving some guidelines and really learning how to trust early on those intuitive moments that you have. You can ask any therapist who would tell you that they have had clinical intuitions and that they’ve gotten feelings about what to ask clients and directions to go in and have been very successful. Sometimes maybe you’re not right, but that you have to learn to trust it enough to ask.

You have to do it in a way that’s through the lens of appropriateness and respect for the profession, and for the person. To weigh whether or not it is a good question to ask and is it appropriate for me to ask at this moment? That comes with practice. I think training would come in the form of clinical supervision. Certainly a piece of that could be, let’s go through your cases. We talk about the code of ethics, we talk about dual relationships and HIPAA violations, confidentiality, you know, documentation but let’s talk about your clinical intuition. When you get those insights, how do you feel about them and is it something that you know, like any other kinds of technique that you would use?

Is it something that you feel comfortable with? Is it something that you want to cultivate, that you want to fine tune? Is it a skill you want to hone? If a supervisee says yes or a therapist or even a seasoned therapist who’s like,, I always do that, but I didn’t really know anybody else did that because it’s not very mainstream. I think it certainly can be discussed and channelled and fine-tuned and brought to a space where we could definitely come up with some techniques and more guidance on how to cultivate it and when not to use it.

Thal:                             

Training clinical intuition, that sounds amazing! So that means the therapist has to be working on themselves outside of that therapeutic alliance because what they bring into that therapeutic space can influence the healing process.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Yes, Thal, absolutely, it’s important to note that if I’m having energy reading, or if I’m having a reaction and response, somatically, to you, maybe you are to me and I have to respect that too. So, yes, we need to have, clinical supervision outside and therapy outside of our own practice so that we can, one, unload, everybody’s energy in and all the things that we’re working on with all our clients, two, bounce cases off of someone else, but also to work on ourselves ongoing all the time. I don’t think it’s something that you do for x amount of years after licensure. I think it’s something you need to do for the rest of your life.

Thal:                             

You work with different modalities. One of them, you’re trained as a Sand play therapist, and maybe can you talk to us about that. Can you tell us what Sand play therapist is?

Phyllis Alongi:               

Sand play therapy is an amazing modality in which there’s sand, which, you know, is the earth that we’re all very familiar with. When you feel it on the bottom of your feet, just how therapeutic something that organic can be. It was developed many years ago by a woman who trained under Carl Jung. It is a fascinating, wonderful modality to process trauma and other issues. Someone may be having anxiety or depressive symptoms, but especially for trauma without words. So there’s a specific tray that we use that’s a standard size, a regulation tray. Then we have all of these miniature symbols, these miniature objects that are really archetypal symbols. If we look at Jung and we look at what he taught us, it’s that the collective unconscious and that there are symbols and there are archetypes that we have that are based on and shaped by our own personal experience.

Then he believes that there are ones that are innately, inherently, inside of us simply because we’re human. And you know, those are amazing little miniatures and symbols that we use, and they’re so powerful. A client would come to my office either, you know, adult or child. Needless to say, children gravitate toward the sand like it’s amazing. We have to really tease out two things here. When I’m holding onto something and I’m aware of it, it’s very powerful and it’s bigger than me. The more I talk about it and the more I process it with someone and I externalize it, it’s power gets minimized. It decreases. Sand play therapy for a child, let’s just use a child as an example of you know, this situation, so we’re going to say it’s a child who comes to me who may be years and years and years before, as an infant there was some sort of abuse or something happened to them, and that was at a time before they had language or had acquired language to articulate that trauma.

So how are they going to talk about it? How is this going to happen for them? If our body remembers on a cellular level, we have memory of our trauma, of our childhoods, of our life, maybe even in the womb, so how are we going to articulate that at this time before there was words and because the sand and the miniatures are representative of our unconscious and what’s inside of us, it comes out in this narrative, in this story through these archetypal objects and these symbolic objects.

Someone, unguided, will begin to build a tray, which means this is the therapeutic container, which is myself, the office, the space between the two of us, the sand, the hands, the miniatures, the lighting. Sometimes people want to build trays to music, so they pick the music that they like and they just build and they create this extraordinary world in a sandbox on wheels that can turn around, that can spin. When they’re done, they tell you the story of what’s happening of what this world is that they created, and as each of those segments of the story unfolds, the trauma gets smaller and smaller because it’s coming from that cellular memory place. It’s coming from that primordial moment, from my ancestors, from archetypes, from the collective unconscious, and it’s coming from what’s processed and happened to me, before I could even have language to tell you.

When I do it with adults, they’ll oftentimes ask me about it and then ask me if they can do it, and then they get very emotional and tell me or go for like childhood objects and maybe things that are representative of what’s happening in their life now or in relationships. It is a beautiful experience and honestly an honor and a privilege to witness because the mind struggles with intense emotional pain and we have to process it. At some point that’s just the way our psyches work. It will force us to. It’ll keep knocking until we actually process it. This is a wonderful, imaginative, creative, therapeutic way to process what we’re dealing with, what we’re struggling with, without using any words.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, I love to ask you, just considering people that might not even have experience working with a therapist. How do you understand trauma? What is trauma and how might you describe that to somebody who is approaching this for the first time?

Phyllis Alongi:               

Adrian, there’s so many facets to trauma. I mean, if I saw a car accident on the corner of my block that could traumatize me and someone was injured or just the loud noise of it or holding my breath for that second when I saw two cars collide would be vicarious trauma. If someone that I love goes through something, an illness or when I care about this person, and we’re very close and I see that something is happening for them, I am affected by it, that’s traumatizing. That could impede and interfere with my everyday functioning because it’s something that’s wounded me somehow. It’s pain that I’ve held on from something that’s either happened specifically to me or I witnessed that’s impacted me negatively, and it hurts when I think about it.

When I think about this event or this relationship or this childhood that I’ve had this relationship with someone in my life when I was a child who affected me in a way that was negative. Trauma could be really ongoing. That’s why it’s important even in education, especially in education and especially with children that we…for our educators, for our psychotherapists that work with kids, social workers, school psychologists, whoever, any collateral contact that works, works with the child or an adolescent. I think especially for education though, for educators to ask instead of saying what’s wrong with you, to come from a space of what’s happened to you. We have to understand that someone’s experience brings them to where they are and we want to be able to meet people where they are, and as a psychotherapist, you have to understand when someone sits down in that space, either next to you or you know, because kids like to sit next to us, or sitting across from us.

When someone sits with us, they’re sitting down physically, it’s one person, but it’s all the people in their lives that have affected them in some way. So one person sits down, but there could be 15 people in the room and we have to be able to say instead of what’s the matter with this, what’s wrong with this client? We have to think through the lens of trauma informed psychotherapy. Where have you been? What’s happened to you? It just changes and shifts the dynamic, and it shifts the perspective of the way that you see someone. It comes from the heart. I think that’s something people have to remember. Psychotherapy is a science, psychology is a science, but it’s the science of people and people come from the heart and we have to remember that that’s where they speak from. That’s where they process from. That’s where their pain lies? We have to be able to, to remember that.

Thal:                             

All the elements seem to include play, spontaneity, and people, and so that has to do with relationships, which takes us to our next question. A lot of people have struggled and continue to struggle with toxic relationships. How would you define toxic relationships?

Phyllis Alongi:               

A toxic relationship is a relationship and it can be a limited relationship. It doesn’t have to be an intimate relationship that has a negative impact on a person. Oftentimes toxic relationships are, we really have to change the way we look at that too, because we want to blame someone and we have to remove that from the equation because it’s not a matter of blame. It’s not a matter of whose fault it is. We have to look at, in the relationship between two people where maybe the power isn’t equal or there’s some strain on the relationship or one person is suffering from mental illness and is acting out towards this other person and doesn’t even know it. or maybe someone loved someone and wants to be with them and the other person doesn’t yet they’re together. So in toxic relationships, and I’m using air quotes, although you can’t see me.

Toxic relationships, I think what we’re looking at is unhealthy. It’s unhealthy because it doesn’t speak to my best self because when I’m in this relationship, I’m less than who I really am and what my best potential is as a person. It stifles me, it minimizes me and it makes me smaller than who I really am. People have such light and such energy to them and negative relationships really try to snuff out someone’s spiritual flame. When I think of of negative relationships, toxic relationships, unhealthy relationships, somehow or another, we managed to stay in them longer, well beyond than we should, and we have to look at why. This is why I say we one of the reasons why we need to take blame out of the equation because me being in this toxic relationship and even aware that it’s not healthy and I’m staying in it longer than I should. I’m benefiting from it in some way.

Thal:                             

Absolutely.

Phyllis Alongi:               

By being in this relationship, there’s some benefit to me, and I may not even be aware of it.

Adrian:                         

Yeah, the word that’s coming to my mind is also codependent relationships. Could you share with listeners what that might mean and how that would work out as an example.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Adrian, that’s a term that’s used a lot in addiction because a codependent would be like an enabler. Technically, I think, traditionally when we look at codependence, we look at that like the need to save, the need to really help someone, and because we want to love and nurture and care about this person, we allow them the space and the time to do what it is that they do that has a negative impact on us. Codependency could have many masks, many phases and we can do a whole podcast just on codependency, but I believe that that is so true. It’s so interesting because I see it in families and it’s very oftentimes not really looked at through that lens of family relationships that there is certain codependent behaviors that are evidenced in a family dynamic.

Where the one person maybe isn’t well, and then the child becomes parentified. The parentified child really cares for that parent. The role is confused, but how does that adult child benefit from parenting their parent? We have to look at that too. This relationship fulfills my need to nurture, my need to heal, and I don’t know how to move from that. I don’t know how to detach from that emotionally. I think that’s in a lot of relationships that are not healthy detachment, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone. Your own independent mental health and wellness is not really where it should be because you’ve been snuffed out or stifled, your psyche has been shaped in this negative atmosphere and so it hasn’t been able to grow properly.

Like a plant that’s not nearly in the light enough, it will twist and vine around. It’s misshapen. I think sometimes, kids that come to me with anxieties or the parentified child, they’re like that twisted vine, they’re misshapen and it takes a lot to get them to the space where they need to get, where a parent needs to back down and see, I can accept my role and try to work with kids to kind of not be afraid. That’s what I think about toxic relationships and codependency, it’s another example of a cocreated relationship because initially maybe it was facilitated by one person, but the dynamic now is cocreated. Working on moving that and shifting that kind of energy is a process and it takes time. I tell people there’s no magic wand, but if you are committed and willing, you can certainly get to where you need to get but this is going to take time.

Thal:                             

I just love the metaphors that you’re using to describe all these dynamics and without really being stuck with all these terminologies. I want us to also maybe touch upon the borderline personality structure. I don’t want to call it a disorder. All these personality structures are an ego defense mechanism, just like the codependency. So what can you say about the borderline, basically?

Phyllis Alongi:              

Well, it depends on, like everything, the degree to which someone is in one direction. I think that personality disorders, I look at them as like autism spectrum disorder, like on a spectrum. I agree that you have it or you don’t, but somewhere in there it’s either very intense or not. I think that if we look at, let’s just say borderline personality disorder per se, there are certain characteristics to that. We can talk in extremes, that are very difficult for family members and people who are close to employers and coworkers living with someone who has a borderline personality disorder symptoms is very difficult. It is easy to get sucked into the web of histrionics and drama. The universe, in my opinion, the universe, I’m sure there’s no study on this but I do believe that the universe hears that gravitation towards emotion, high emotion to high drama, to Histrionics, to problems, to obstacles, the universe takes a little snapshot of what it is that you’re thinking and that’s why we have to really monitor our own thoughts.

 If I’m always thinking the worst, the hardest, the longest, the craziest, the most dramatic, the most tumultuous relationship, the most passionate lovemaking, the most I was waiting the longest on line, those kinds of things that the universe takes a snapshot of that and so that’s what it gives you, I think, that constant state of thinking so chaotically is what the universe then provides and it perpetuates the lifestyle of someone who has a borderline personality disorder. You can really detect it, early on, although we don’t like to, but you can see features or like a borderline personality disorder flavors in adolescence. There are certain behaviors and thought processes, just the way their mind strategizes and it’s always me and this is happening to me and all of it.

It’s always a snow storm, but a blizzard, their periscope, will go up and look around the room and see where’s the heat, where’s the electricity and that’s where I’m going to gravitate towards, and it is on a very nonconscious level. It is just on an energetic level. Life is very chaotic, very sad, and relationships are navigated by control and how can I manipulate this and make this relationship everything that I need, and it’s really, in my opinion, very underlying fear of being alone, of abandonment. So I will keep my people with me for as long as I possibly can forever. You’re never going to leave me and I’ll do anything I can to see to it that you stay with me, and those relationships are very difficult. Children of parents who have had or were diagnosed or gone undiagnosed with borderline personality disorder, similar to adults who were children of alcoholics, have a whole other host of issues that they deal with going into adolescence and adulthood, emerging adulthood.

When we ask someone’s history, it’s not only biological but to see what runs in your family, only because essentially, because I want to know, where are you coming from, what’s happened to you? If you tell me that you grew up in a household with a parent that was diagnosed or is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, then it sheds a whole new light on the situation. It’s difficult. It’s very difficult. My advice is that everybody be in therapy, that there’s family therapy that there’s in-home therapy, which would be extremely helpful because the family would get engaged and you’re seeing the dynamic in its natural habitat. Very interesting, very revealing. Every member of the family should have individual and family counseling. It would be the real way to do that and the most effective.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis in the psychological circles I’ve noticed that borderline personality specifically is a bit, it seems a bit stigmatized and I wanted to ask you, are there hidden gifts to people that might actually have a strong borderline tendency, that might be helpful to work with?

Phyllis Alongi:               

Oh, absolutely and you know, Adrian, isn’t it true that every mental illness is just an extension of something we all are experiencing and it’s just the difference is that it’s chronic, it’s bigger than me, it’s interfering with my every day functioning. It’s interfering with relationships. That’s where the difference lies in the end of the spectrum. It’s further down the spectrum of some of our own behaviors. What are the gifts if manipulation could be a gift, if just the sense of how to navigate a situation with fine tune, heightened sensory abilities, amazing. You know, there are many gifts to that, and just like observing and assessing a situation or a person finding, being able to hone in on someone’s strengths and weaknesses, also a gift. In relationships, where even in marital relationships and intimate relationships, being able to detect what it is and anticipate what the other partner needs is very high on the gift skill I think of of someone who may be suffering with that type of disorder.

Thal:                             

That’s very important that you mention those things because you know, that brings in the role of empathy in difficult relationships. It seems like borderline personality disorder now is the thing that everybody’s talking about and everybody’s realizing and there is a very negative side to it. A lot of people that suffer with borderline also suffer from suicidal thoughts or people that are living with a borderline suffer from suicidal thoughts, which takes us to our next topic, which, I know that you liked her nationwide in the United States, around the topic of suicidology and its connection with youth issues. What can you say about that please?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I will tell you about that in a moment but I just want to say that as far as the stigma of mental health is concerned, it’s with every diagnosis and it’s with every disorder, and people have gifts, period. We were talking about, I think we went from negative relationships to negative relationships and borderline personality disorder, but any mental health issue deserves respect and that person deserves treatment and they deserve to feel proud about that. I work really hard to diffuse and break the stigma of mental health, people are people and they are not their diagnoses, just like they’re not their mistakes. That’s something that I want to make perfectly clear and there are people, specialized psychotherapists, who have really specialized in working with that population. If you are suffering or someone you know is suffering with a borderline personality disorder, finding someone who is specializing in that area would be amazing. That would be my recommendation because it’s some, it’s a very dynamic topic and so, we’re getting more and more information about it and so it’d be someone who would be very passionate about working with that population.

When we talk about suicide we have to look at, whether it’s adults or adolescent or child, we have to look at risk factors. One of the risk factors is clinical. If you have a mental health diagnosis, any kind, you are at higher risk for suicide. If you are in a relationship with someone who is struggling and that has a health issue, not only a mental health issue but an illness or you know, you’re in a relationship that isn’t working, there’s some situation that’s causing high anxiety or depressive symptoms or you know, some turmoil in your life. It puts you at risk for suicide.

 Certainly, exposure to suicide, exposure to loss will hike you right up the list of risk factors and being in a relationship with someone who has attempted and that level of exposure to suicide or loss can really be one of the biggest risk factors. Also, recently there’s been some good research coming out of I think it’s Yale actually about nonsuicidal self-injurious behavior originally was not connected to suicide at all for many years. It was like there’s suicide, self-injurious behaviors aren’t really related to suicide and Thomas Joiner and some of the other suicidologist are really looking at the connection between misbehaviors and threshold for pain and injury, self-injury and its intersection with suicidal ideation and behavior.

Adrian:                         

I was just going to ask you, if you can give an example, I’m just thinking of is that the same as just bad choices, like not unhealthy behaviors that’s leading to a slow death? Is it that what is considered or is that different?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I think that that’s different because there are certain components. Suicide is a very complicated issue. Even when we look at suicidology in the field of psychology, it’s over like out there and in a field by itself. There are many, many, many reasons why someone would contemplate suicide or attempt suicide, and it is very multi-determinational. It’s multilayered. It’s never one reason why it’s mostly always more than one reason why. And those risk factors clinical, exposure, history, family history, access to means situations. Those come together like the perfect storm and somewhere in the middle of that, it starts to lay the groundwork. When we look at the working definition of suicide, it’s an attempt to solve a seemingly unsolvable problem with intense emotional pain and impaired problem solving skills. What it really means is that when someone wants to die by suicide, wants to hurt themselves to kill themselves, they don’t want to die, they want to end that intense emotional pain because in the moment of crisis thinking, which the characteristic of suicidal thinking, all they are doing is crisis thinking.

When someone is stuck in crisis thinking, they can’t get back up to healthful problem-solving skills. So they get stuck in unhelpful problem solving skills and then there’s some triggering event and suicide becomes an option. There’s an irrational component to it. There’s an impulse component to it. Suicidal thinking can be ambivalent or even sending a message sometimes. So when we look at all of that, we have to understand that within this complicated issue, you know what it really is and when someone is suffering from that intense emotional pain, they don’t realize at the moment in crisis thinking that it’s only temporary, that this pain isn’t going to last forever. That there are ways that I could, you know, help myself that I could, I could maybe alleviate this.

I need to ask for help. I need to reach out, externalize and reach out of that pain and ask someone for help. To know where to find the resources like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Number, the 74174 crisis text line. You can just text and say, I need help. I feel like I’m going to hurt myself. Talking about it is very relieving and we know that from survivors of suicide attempt that once they talk about it, they feel better about it and it actually buys you some time because there isn’t that impulsivity component to suicidal behavior. There’s a sense of not belonging. There’s a sense of burdensomeness to family and friends, not feeling connected to anyone or anything. That adds up and that’s all part of the suicidology theories, that feeling of that sense of not belonging.

It’s so important for us when we look at youth suicide. It’s so important for us to really, encourage our kids to join something in the community and schools sports to be connected to something and to find that trusted adult, that caring, trusted adult to have that connection with. Those are the two biggest protective factors for not only suicide, but other risk behaviors like substance abuse we have in our country right now and in specifically in the county that I live in the neighboring counties, we have a very big opiate epidemic going on and the same risk factors, warning signs, and protective factors for suicide are the same ones that we could apply to substance abuses and other risk behaviors.

Adrian:                        

I imagine people that want to direct, whether it’s friends or family members towards help, there can be resistance, often there is resistance to help. What can you offer for those who are trying to help someone who is suffering and they want to bring them to a therapist or a counselor. How do we help them get over that obstacle or that resistance?

Phyllis Alongi:               

That’s a great question. Resistance is difficult and I’m going to say don’t give up, you know, don’t give up. You have to keep asking. I think we need to explain to people because they think if you tell someone that you have suicidal thoughts, you know, suicidal ideation is very common and it’s more common than we think. The Center for Disease Control did a youth risk survey, I think it’s 12.5% of a hundred thousand youth were thinking about suicide. It’s pretty common. When we tell someone, listen, I know you’re struggling, whatever you’re struggling with, you’re not the only one. We can find something that might be suited for you. Therapy doesn’t always mean, doesn’t always look like me and you, you and some old guy, sitting across from each other, or like, but they think Freud, maybe my back to you and you’re lying on a couch.

But that there’s art therapy, music therapy, drama therapy, there’s sand play therapy and all these different psychodrama, all these different modalities that work really well and that we can find one that will work for you and you’re not alone. Individual therapies. Amazing. Group therapy is amazing. There are wonderful support groups for survivors of suicide attempt and also for survivors of suicide loss. I’m sure that you can find in your Canadian resources that are amazing and not to give up, and to keep asking the person, we here in the United States we have organizations that provide in-home therapy services and that people feel more comfortable in the privacy of their own home. It could be over Skype. There are so many ways and so many different modalities and avenues that you can go to that you could explain to someone. Just because you’re thinking about suicide, doesn’t mean you’re going to end up hospitalized because that’s another myth. The number one myth surrounding suicide is if we talk to someone about suicide, we’re planting the idea of suicide in their head and that is the number one myth surrounding suicide.

Thal:                             

Thank you. These are very important and heavy topics really, that we touched upon today. Before closing, since we are talking about relationships, I’m thinking about couples therapy and communication. What is the role of proper communication in a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship?     

Phyllis Alongi:               

I’m immediately in defense mode because every conversation I have with you ends in an argument or slamming the door and sleeping alone or being in the dog house, and I don’t want that to happen so I won’t communicate or I’m not ready to talk about it right now and I don’t know how to tell you that so I’m shutting down and you’re following me around the house wanting to get out of everything you need to say. I think people need to put, you know, when we talk about communication and couples, I tried to help teach couples to argue differently and to communicate on a different level and shed those old patterns, those old habits so that they can have positive conversations that are meaningful and that respect each other, because that’s so important that a person feel heard and respected and not judged.

Whether it’s about something that happened at work or with the kids or with us isn’t minimized by your judgment. It’s so important that a person feels like what they have to say weighs more than what I’m not saying. That you are hearing what I’m saying as an insight to what I need from you emotionally. Can you meet my emotional needs or maybe maybe you don’t want to anymore? Sometimes when relationships aren’t working and it’s not what one person wants, one person really wants the relationship to sustain that communication that’s negative, it isn’t going to work so we have to look at when, when I meet with couples for the first time, the first question I ask is, does everybody want to stay together?

 Do you both want to be in this relationship? If the answer is yes, then we’re going to roll our sleeves up, we’re going to get in it and we’re going to really do some homework and we’re going to make the commitment. It’s just like joining a gym first time you have to learn all the machines. You have to figure out what works for you what doesn’t work for you, what exercise is beneficial for you. Does this hurt too much? Do I feel comfortable doing this? What do I like? What do I not like? We have to rediscover each other as people, not just my wife or my husband or my partner. We have to look at who you are and how am I connected to you. If I don’t feel connected to you, how can I get reconnected to you if that’s what we both want? That’s the essence of successful couples counseling because it’s what we both want and we’re both willing and receptive to making some changes that are hard to do so that we can, our relationship can sustain all the waves of greatness and the things in our lives that happen that aren’t so great.

Thal:                             

Hmm. Amazing.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, I’d love to leave our listeners with some resources. What’s on your list of heavily recommended books for the people that you work with.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Well, Codependent No More always, that book is very old. My partner in practice and I always giggle about it because we’re like, did you write down the Bible? That is such a great book for someone who is in a relationship and wants to make changes. I think everyone should read Irvin Yalom, The Gift of Therapy. I think that that’s amazing. That’s a book that I would recommend to anyone who wanted to learn about being in the here and now and having to be in the present and maybe looking at psychotherapy from a therapist’s lens would be great and would offer some great insight. There’s Eyes Wide Open by Mariana Kaplan, which is also another wonderful book about bringing spirituality into session, which is also very beautiful.

 Any clinician who wants to learn about intuition, Terry Marks Harlow. She has some really great workbooks, and some good insights into how to incorporate intuition and how to not be afraid of your own intuition. She’s done tremendous work and continues to do tremendous work in that area.

Thal:                             

Thank you. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I just want to say that if you or anyone you know is struggling either in a relationship or with something within themselves or you know, that therapy can be an amazing experience. It can be even just like a polishing of the skills that you already have. You don’t have to have any kind of problem. You can just want to take your life a step further. You just want to maybe gain some insight or hone your psychospiritual skills and interests that it’s a beautiful space.

There are some wonderful Reiki practitioners and that’s another great modality that I use as an adjunct to talk therapy like Sand play therapy because it’s, it gives people a great way to learn, to be in the moment of themselves, to feel their own bodies, their own energy, to learn, to breathe, to do some, wonderful mindful breathwork and understand that, and I’ll leave you with this, that everything we need to heal ourselves is inside of us, and sometimes we just have to reach out outside of us externally to figure out how to tap into that.

Thal:                             

Amazing. Thank you.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Thank you so much for sharing. Awesome. Thank you so much for having me. This was a wonderful experience and I was so happy for you to do it and I feel very grateful and blessed to have had the opportunity. Thank you.

#20: Sexual Kung Fu with Yanshuf Kadesh

The purpose of Taoist teachings is to help us develop balance and harmony with the source, pattern, and substance of everything that exists. Our sexual energy is a powerful expression of that life force. And yes it can be trained consciously in a way that brings about healing and vitality.

Yanshuf Kadesh is an accredited instructor of Neidan, the closely guarded ’Inner Alchemy’ practices of Chi Gong, which were first brought to the West by Dr. Mantak Chia. Yanshuf had a former career as a Clinical Psychologist with an interest in transpersonal psychology. He also has extensive Kabbalistic training in Israel. We discuss how cultivating sexual life energy through Tantric and Taoist practices can lead to deeper healing, higher consciousness, and evolutionary change. As we move towards possible dystopian futures with artificial intelligence, Yanshuf believes that we desperately need to reground ourselves in our basic sexual nature and to reconnect with our wholeness.

Highlights:

  • Cultivating Sexual Life Energy with Taoist Chi Gong
  • Sacred Sexuality in the Modern Age of Technology
  • Evolution of Consciousness

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:

Welcome Yaacov to the show.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Good to be here.

Thal:

Thank you.

Adrian:

We’ve been asking our guests recently to share with us their spiritual orientation as they were growing up. I think that’s a nice place for us to get a sense of what it was like around from the home front, whether there was any orientation at all and how that possibly put you on a trajectory to being here today.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Well, to be honest, I would have to say classic rock, you know. Enhanced with cannabis. That would basically be my first shamanic practice, I would say. Like Big Stadium Rock and Psychedelic Rock, Progressive Rock and becoming a bass player and being very immersive with the music. Um, I grew up in a Jewish family, but non practicing essentially, really quite assimilated and um, yeah, that sort of became important to me later. But, um, growing up it was really the music that, to me, I later understood to be my way of reaching for, uh, that sort of whatever you want to call it, transpersonal or, and there’s something in the, I think that there’s, um, there’s intimations of infinity within the… when you have the overdrive of the guitars. So if you listen to the guitar, like Jimi Hendrix and also if you also, um, Robert Fripp who uses the sky saw sound, which is a compression on the sound. And so that you play the note business and just, it will go infinitely. As long as there’s a power source, the, the note will continue on forever, uh, using, you know, using compression. And, um, so I think that when you’re listening to that music, there is that sort of, there’s a, there’s a certain feeling of the infinite that comes that I’m sure other people gained from classical music or other things. But for me it was, uh, was the Rock and Roll. For sure.

Thal:

Certainly music is a powerful tool into the transpersonal realm. Were there any specific moments, um, that you’ve had that kind of experience while playing music that you remembered?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well, yeah, I mean, I definitely have had times in different, uh, band situations, even more in an open jamming situations where you sort of dropped into the groove and just everything’s happening. And, uh, it’s really an amazing thing with other people to be sort of seemingly moving into some kind of a space where nothing wrong can happen. Everybody’s in the zone. And, um, and I did begin to think of it as a, that there’s a muse, you know, there’s some sort of a being or an energy or something that is desiring to come down and it’s, that is the muse of this moment or in this people in this situation. And it’s a question of to what extent do we sort of merit to be a channel for what’s coming through.

Thal:

To allow it.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah. And, um, you know, if you allow yourself to inquire with those types of things then uh, yeah, I can open things up.

Thal:

How old were you? And where were you brought up again?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Um, born in Montreal.

Thal:

Okay.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And moved there out of there when I was I think three or four and grew up in London, Ontario.

Adrian:

I think I read somewhere in one of your bio’s, um, you having an interest in hockey as well?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah, I grew up playing competitive hockey. Uh, it wasn’t, I don’t know, say it was really an interest, it was just sort of what one did. If there was a religion, you know, a local religion, it would have been more probably hockey. Uh, an I did that till I was I think 13, 14, and then it got my bass and that was it. I was no longer …and just sort of waking up to the notion of like, why am I getting up at four thirty in the morning and pitch black and minus 20 degrees to go and skate, figure eights for hours so I can be on the competitive … I respect that, athleticism and people. I have friends that went really into it went far with it. But yeah, for me it just wasn’t… I didn’t want to be doing that. Plus I was too skinny. Like I get smacked around, I was playing in London, Oakridge hockey. And you know as soon as you start traveling out to Aylmer and whatever the sort of, you get these farm boys, corn fed, Ontario farm boys that come start.. They will kill you. [laughing] So I had a couple of bad hits and I think my mom was there for one of them at a tournament. And uh, yeah, it was enough of that.

Adrian:

A natural weeding out process.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Yeah, I was definitely, weeded out. Yeah.

Adrian:

How did the academic life enter the path? Because I know at some point pursued psychology and study in academics.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Um, it’s interesting. I mean I graduated high school, um, and then I went east. As soon as I graduated high school I had my Bar Mitzvah money. Cause even if you’re not really religious, you still get to have your Bar Mitzvah and you get a little bit of money there from that. So I flew to Southeast Asia and I was searching for teachers and practices and things that I could connect me somehow to whatever it was. And, um, eventually I, uh, after some time in, um, Buddhist monasteries and also in Dharamsala and with the Tibetans and wandering in India and meeting different people. And then I ended up going to Israel. Uh, I’d picked up a book while in India about Kabbalah, which I didn’t know existed before, but I saw a star of David on a book and I was like, oh, what’s that about? What’s it doing here in India? And so I was reading about Kabbalah when I was wandering around in India, and it inspired me to go, and, you know, I’d never known there was this mystical dimension to my own ethnic background. And, uh, so long story short, um, fell in with the Hasidim and, uh, a group that was particularly devoted to the, I think we’ll be called the ecstatic Kabbalah. So really the meditative dimension of the Kabbalah. You mentioned Sufism before

Thal:

Yeah. So there’s the ecstatic Sufism.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So there’s a very strong affinity there. Uh, so I was doing that and um, it’s what happened I think was first of all my own emergent struggles at that time with a sense of identity and having grown up in one cultural context, language and so on. I was really, when I went into this, I went really deep. So I went into, um, you know, it was all Hebrew speaking, very traditional environment, um, all male, you know, uh, environment and studying the texts and practices. And I started to have some nervous symptoms that I began to explore and understand what was, why was I feeling these discordant feelings and it had to do the struggle with identity and “who am I?” and all of that. Um, so I was starting to read psychology and it was also attempting to implement the meditative practices and understand them. Understand like what are the changes, because I was partially blocked from progress because of my emotional difficulties. But on the other hand, I was sort of, I was also taking flight but not in a very integrated way. And so the immersion in these mystical texts and so forth was opening certain things up for me. And at the same time, I was trying to understand how can I do this in a way that I really feel like it’s authentic, I’m gaining traction and is integrated. And I think that, that, those were the things that drove, drove me to be…I picked up, I think it was Jung initially I was reading and, um, I put it in the bathroom of reading it in the bathroom. That’s the tradition amongst Jews is you sort of put the secular reading or they not…you know, the books you read outside the bathroom was all holy books have to be holy books only. So you put the psychology and the bathroom, but now I’m spending more and more and more time in the bathroom.

Thal:

Although Jung is holy in a way. [laughing]

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah, sure. So now that whole distinction for me is problematized so yeah. At the time I was like, okay, well if I’m going to spend so much time in the bathroom because I’m reading Jung in the bathroom, maybe I should just go study psychology. So that’s what I did, yeah.

Adrian:

Oh wow. That’s fascinating. Because it sounded like you became opened up to mysticism, became a student of mysticism first and then that eventually drew you towards studying psychology?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. And I think my entire project within psychology turns out to have been primarily about how do we, how do we engage processes of, um, again, it’s always a problem with language, but, um, let’s call it higher human development. Something like that. How do we do that in a way that is grounded and that, you know, the psychology gives us a wealth of tools to understand just our emotional lives in our, the way we work in cognitive functioning and um, desire, you know, also the whole Freudian legacy and the existential psychiatry and all, you know, all these strands that um, you know, you can use them, but you can also sort of get stuck in it.

Thal:

Yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Uh, and so for me it was the, using the psychology to become grounded and then in order to be able to cultivate and enter sort of more of a practice mode rather than a therapeutic mode, enter a practice mode and evolve from there. Yeah.

Thal:

It’s like, you know, just sharing your story, it’s, I find so many connections to my story where it’s like reading Jung was like, oh, I see what I was doing there with Sufism. Like I did a lot of bypassing too. Whereas where I really find a lot of the Sufi texts, I’m sure it’s the same with the Kabbalists. It talks about all these higher levels of human development and it is psychological. A lot of it is psychologically minded but removed from our modern context, and like the Sufi books, at least a lot of it is removed from the modern context where psychology can create that link.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. It can, but it’s not, it’s not that it is going to do it. It’s that we need to do it. Yes. And that’s part of the issue is that when you sort of, when you have this empirical model of say psychology based on statistical methods and so on, where you have to sort of always be, um, faithful to a corpus of knowledge, which of course we now know is highly problematic. You know, uh, I sort of understood early on in my psychology that there was a big problem with the psychological literature, uh, because I had a professor David Bakan, recently, he passed away a number of years ago, but he was one of the first to really get into critiquing the methods as they were being used. He wrote a book book called On Method. I think from the 60s, maybe like 66, 67 really worth looking that up. David Bakan and uh, he was the head of humanistic division, you know, he was an examiner for the college and so he was really, he did a lot of fascinating things in psychology, but he sort of tuned me in early to the fact that this is a real problem, psychology. And he was a huge advocate for speculation. And psychology. He says, you know, from speculation. It’s like with, it’s like speculation with entrepreneurship and so on. You speculate and you can have great gains. You know, you can also lose, but you can, you can, if you don’t speculate, then where are you ending up? And so where are, where I’ve ended up with my speculation or into these, these eastern energy-based practices, um, you know, the tantric sexuality and so on. Um, you know, when you can always trace your way back to some statistical study or another. Um, so, uh, you know, outcome research is often helpful. But anyway, yeah. So the psychology has to be… It’s a field and we have to be willing to think within the field and not just you know, run a series of comparisons on SPSS and have that be… Cranking out the knowledge, you know, uh, there’s a lot more to human beings. We’re fundamentally mysterious and I think it’s important to honor that. And as we explore, as best we can.

Adrian:

Yaacov, I’d love to hear how you ultimately discovered the Neidan Sexual practices that you’re deeply into at the moment and teaching and practicing.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Um, okay. So the trace that back I have to go to, there’s someone named Ohad Ezrahi and he was someone that I sat together with in the Kabbalistic training in the early nineties. We were both students of the same Rabbi. And, um, years later, maybe like 10 years later, I bumped into him and he handed me this book, which was David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man, which Ohad had translated into Hebrew. So that was my first introduction to the field of sacred sexuality, let’s say, through David Deida. And so, um, when I was practicing in here in Canada and psychology and was personally engaged with the David Deida work, uh, and doing both individual therapy and also, um, couples therapy, I began to inevitably to begin seeping in some of the ideas about, um, sexual polarity began to be start to stand out for me in situations. And, um, so I’ve actually went and did two intensives with David Deida in California and really immersed into that. And, um, at a certain point I decided I need to take a hiatus from my clinical work in order to more deeply explore this field, which I guess with David did, it would probably be described as Neo-Tantra. Um, and it was through that exploration that I learned about Mantak Chia’s system, in terms of particularly the practice around male sexual empowerment and control, basically. Being able to bring consciousness to one’s sexuality in a way that had not previously been aware of. And so within David Deida, he also talks about those things more, I believe from the yogic in the tantric tradition. However, it’s really, I believe in the Chinese tradition that you, you have the really, um, fleshed out, um, pragmatic technical. I mean it’s drawing from, um, traditional Chinese medicine and as well as martial arts, um, Chi Gong, you know, the Neidan integrates all of these, all of these influences. And so that’s basically how it ended up. It was sort of through David Deida and finding in the field and then within the field seeking, um, I guess the most efficient way for me to um, progress within my own, uh, my own practice.

Adrian:

For those who might not be familiar. Um, just to give context, should we zoom out and look at sort of Taoism as a larger system and within that, how these practices kind of fit in that umbrella? Is that a way we can describe it in detail?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Uh, sure. You can. However, I will say that when I was coming out of my orthodoxy, my Jewish Orthodoxy and moving into these fields, I became highly allergic to, well, put it this way, I basically, um, after spending my entire life, particularly my adult life as a voracious reader, uh, and, and completing my doctorate and the rest of it. When I started getting into these practices and after that initial exposure to, as I mentioned, my friend Ohad who handed me this translation I pretty much didn’t read at all for like about two years because I knew, I knew…

Thal:

I like that [laughing]

Yanshuf Kadesh:

I knew that as soon as I started to read about the practices that I was doing and interpret them within broader philosophical, traditional frameworks, I would be immediately interpreting, comparing, contrasting, all of that stuff. And I just didn’t want to not want to be in my head in that way. And in language in that way, I was connecting with the energy. I was starting to feel it. And it felt revolutionary to me. And to be ground to that, it felt like I needed to really to avoid. And even to this day, um, I’m so cautious about when I feel myself zoop up into my head. Um, I mean, it’s, uh, you know, the Jewish people are called the people of the book, right? And, uh, I, you know, I do believe that what our ancestors for engaged with has a strong influence on who we are. It doesn’t, it’s not all of who we are. And we can choose how we want to manifest and we can connect with other traditions from other human beings who’ve done different things and expand that way. And these archetypes are all available to us regardless of how they came down in particularly in our, in our bloodline, let’s say. Um, but, um, it’s strongly felt to me that if I start activating this sort of intellectual process, which I do periodically, but I don’t, it feels it’s not balanced.

Thal:

It’s a prison cell in a way. It can be.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah. It can become a prison cell. It can also open up doors as it did within the Kabbalistic mysticism. I was studying where this very sort of very intense intellectual engagement brings to sort of appreciation of paradoxes. And it’s a lot of contemplation of sort of different varieties of infinity and almost like in an Aristotelian typology of nothingness. There’s different styles, degrees of nothingness and this sort of stuff. And so yeah, it takes, it doesn’t necessarily end up in just a maze within the intellect as it might in other, um, sort of less metaphysical context. But, uh, but it doesn’t necessarily, it tends not to, um, if you’re preoccupied on that level and that’s your main focused and you might be losing track of your, your heart center. Yes. You know, your gut, what your, what your gut is, is communicating and your sexual center. And, and I, and I had learned, I had enough of those initial experiences in these practice spaces that I was being exposed to for the first time of how healing and how empowering it is to, as a human being, be connected with that sort of core life force energy in oneself. And, um, so it’s, I did most of my life in one way. And so maybe you need to sort go to the other extreme for a time and then hopefully I’ll be more balanced at some point in the future. Yeah.

Adrian:

Can you share with us, um, you, you mentioned you’re starting to feel some of these energies and, uh, so again, without us, because we are using language to try to communicate these things, it’s difficult, but I do want to bring that into focus is how the subtle energies are a big part of some of these traditions and practices. Can you talk about your experience with this new awareness?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Boy oh boy. Uh, yeah, it’s, it’s a tough one because it’s sort of, if you don’t want to be the person who’s just constantly just talking about energy all the time, energy, energy. Energy is everything. What else is there besides energy? I mean, I guess Tantrically speaking, there’s consciousness and there’s energy and all there is is energy in motion. Um, in terms of the sexual practices. So within the Taoist work in particular, you do begin to discern different qualities of energy, different types of energy through practice. And there is uh, a very well developed framework within traditional Chinese medicine that talks about the meridian system and the different qualities of energy that move through that system. Um, yeah, I feel like I don’t really feel like I’m, I’m really the person to talk about that authoritatively. I haven’t had that kind of training and as I say, even in the training I have had, which is based on the same energetic map, I tend to allow things to emerge in practice rather than sort of learn them first on the way it’s supposed to be. And then in my practice to have that expectation, it’s like I’m always testing the ground, excuse me. The system of the system of Taoist work that Mantak Chia who my teacher is teaching, uh, in the Chinese is referred to as Inner Alchemy, Just Practice Chi Gong. It’s a very strong emphasis on practice. Just practicing. With that said, I can say that having worked immersively within this system now for several years, that I do feel clear difference between, um, an energy, which is a more feminine energy of experienced as Earth based, connected with the earth. It connects with certain parts of the body and sexual center in particular versus, uh, the Shen or the spirit energy, the fire energy, um, you know, these sort of archetypal qualities of different energies. And so you begin to, that’s a very basic discernment between the, basically like the fire and water energetically and, uh, a lot of what’s referred to as the Alchemy. And the, no, the more advanced practices are called the Fusion Practices or the Immortality Practices of the Tao. Uh, there’s a lot of working with these energies and learning to mix them, um, and it becomes quite esoteric quite quickly. And, uh, but for me even to have gotten to the point now where I feel like I can ground to earth and also feel upwards through the top of my head in a way that really actually is very strongly empowered by my previous experiences with Kabbalistic practice to sort of connect to this sort of heavenly force or presence above. And to have both of those things present, uh, feels very, very, um, empowering and energizing that there’s this arc of energy between this sort of masculine and feminine, is another way to talk about it. Yin and Yang. To be able to stand as a human being and to be in touch with both of those brings a lot of positive benefit.

Thal:

So anyway, you’re integrating, you know, the, the head part of your life and and the body and connecting with life force. Um, in your opinion, what is the importance of cultivating that sexual energy? Like how is, how is that beneficial in our life?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well, that’s, that was the thing, like, one of the things I really really like about Mantak Chia is the … you start from the foundation, you start from the foundation. So the sexual center is like, even in the Indian tradition, Mul, like Muladhara is the foundation. It means foundation. And also in Kaballah itself, Ilsold, that’s Fiera, right? That’s fear of the sexual center. It’s also named foundation. So what is it about the sexual center that’s foundational and if you’re going to build a building, where would you want to start building the building from? And to me it became very obvious that as human beings, we are born from this sexual force life force, that it does have a polarity nature to it. And that being in touch with that and being healthy and whole and having a flow of that force within is the best foundation for developing of our other capacities in what I call a grounded way. And so you avoid the types of problems. There are many types of problems when they are transpersonal practices that sort of bypass the sexuality piece or consciously suppress it or repress it which is even more dangerous when it’s sort of an unconscious process and a cast it into darkness, so to speak, of the unconscious. And then it, of course will reappear in different ways. Um, so to me an approach that, and I would almost say speaking now really more as a transpersonal psychologist and being able to stand apart from any of the particular was a parochial interests of the different religions or anything an approach to me that begins from that foundation and helps people to be healthy and whole and happy and learned to cultivate their sexual energy, which then when you cultivate it and draw it up upwards, which is what all of these traditions are doing, draw the sexual energy from the sexual center upwards into the other centers. Uh, it does, it doesn’t always, it doesn’t continue to be necessarily a sexual thing, right? It becomes sort of a magnifier of other centers. So if you draw sexual energy up say to the heart center, it takes on a different quality energy. It takes on different quality. Uh, if you bring it up to the mind, it’s expansiveness and energizing of the mind. Um, yeah. So I kind of lost the thread there. Tell me how to remember it.

Adrian:

Yeah. I almost feel like, um, you mentioned foundation and grounding it in practice. And in a way, I’m also trying to find a way to allow this conversation to flow and not lose sight of that too, is to ask it in a way that’s practical based.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes.

Adrian:

Um, can you share with us what are some of the core practices of cultivating sexual energy? What does the beginning look like for a new student who’s exploring these practices and what are some of the goals if you can even use that word?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay. So I mean that question I prefer to take as someone who’s really syncretic in my approach. So I have been strongly influenced by David Deida’s work, uh, which is drawing more from the tantric tradition and also Mantak Chia and also very influenced by the ISTA process, International Schools of Temple Arts, which integrates Tantric, Taoist and what we call sexual shamanism maybe. There’s a ritual element to it as well. Um, so just speaking, I guess as myself rather than from some particular situation. I think that for modern people today that want to explore these things, the very first thing to do is, um, first of all, get really well schooled in this whole area of boundaries and consent. And if it’s going to be an interactive thing, you can also practice solo. Uh, and you really have to practice solo as well in terms of the alchemy work in order to do that, such as something you do with other people. Um, but if you’re going to be moving into quote unquote practice spaces within sacred sexuality and Tantra and so forth, then one way or another, you need to become acculturated to boundaries and consent and also understanding about owning your own, uh, needs, learning how to really articulate what you need, um, and learning about, you know, sort of what types of interactions you’re getting into and what this is about you and what you’re seeking. Not blaming others, not being quick to, um, you know, there’s the drama triangle, it’s another very important tool that’s used within the ISTA field, um, victim, aggressor and savior. And so when anybody moves into one of those roles, it will tend to elicit others to move into complimentary role. So somebody is moving into a victim role then they will tend to draw. First of all, the victim role will itself imply already an aggressor or persecutor of some form of their president or pass or what have you. And then, and then likely there are people who are going to be drawn and wish to go into a savior role. So learning to own your own stuff and not project onto other people and have that sense of sovereignty within yourself I think is really, really basic for all this. And in terms of practice, you know, um, it’s a bit different for men and for women. For men, as soon as you’re going to start to work with essentially sexual Chi Gong, let’s call it. So you’re going to be moving energy, working with energy. Chi Gong is the skillful use and interaction with life energy. And if you’re doing that with sexual arousal, then you’re going to come up against, uh, this question of ejaculation rather quickly. Um, so there’s kind of this tough thing at the beginning for men needing to gain some control of their ejaculation and there are techniques for doing that and it can be cultivated and so on for women that, that extra pressures is not there in the same way. Yeah. So it’s, I think it’s kind of a little bit hard to speak to technical, um, aspects of the Neidan practice, um, just in words. But I think that basically grounding is super important. It’s something that not everybody understands if they just are watching on the internet or reading a book, uh, I think it’s important to stand with a teacher and someone who is, or someone who’s at least knows how to ground themselves energetically and feel it, feel what that means. And, um, we’re just so used to floating around in, in this, um, sort of mental realm and living within these mental frameworks.

Thal:

And even sexuality is you know, approached from the head.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. Yeah. And visual! Oh my God. Like now we’re in a situation of a whole generation that has been just so fused with the visual stimulation in order to connect with their own sexual energy. Uh, so then you have problems, let’s say like young men, let’s say, uh, having erectile disfunction, um, in there like early twenties, and just things that are just unheard of previously and, and addicted to the visual, not just visual, but sort of ever changing, ever more stimulating, more, uh, in order to even function sexually. Uh, so yeah, really important. So then from that angle, I would say that learning to pleasure oneself in a loving way without it needing to be about any other image or form that you place in your mind.

Thal:

More conscious.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Conscious. It’s conscious and it’s, it’s also letting go in a way of your intentional consciousness and just being in a flow. Um, a loving flow with oneself. That’s something that I think just in the culture that I grew up in didn’t really have a place for that. Uh, you know, masturbation and shame just the shame around sexuality. So that’s, that’s a huge one. Like right off the top, we can say that. Coming to terms with that, like, do you really think that we are sexual beings? I don’t think that’s in any way disputable. We’re sexual beings. So if we’re sexual beings, should we be ashamed of our really most basic sexual, uh, ways of being? If we’re sexual beings? I mean, pretty much everybody masturbates I mean, some form. Why do we need to be ashamed about it? So asking those questions and progressing with others in intentional spaces, let’s say, where there is a lot of work around things like boundaries and consent, um, and, and finding one’s voice and all of that, and beginning to see, okay, so if I’m a sexual being so, um, and that’s so essential really to our embodied lives. To what extent can I be a sexual being first of all, with myself, right? Or is this shame of some kind of projected other looking at me in the face of whom I’m feeling ashamed. So it’s this internalized observer that I’m, you know, working with whole that whole situation and then actual other people. To what extent am I able to be a sexual being in the presence of others? What does that bring up? So for example, is a lot of women who… first of all the site of a penis is, uh, can be.. it raises up all kinds of stuff, you know, it’s a hugely powerful, impactful thing. Well, it’s just, just human being has one has this organ and like, let’s just start from the basics and then see what is coming, what comes up if you’re in the face of that. Um, and what if the penis is erect? What then? Like a lot of women will see an erect penis and it feels like they have to serve it some way. That they must respond, they must provide or they must avoid or they must be afraid or they, um, so, you know, I don’t know, like I don’t have answers. Um, but I am part of a kind of a subculture today that is willing to explore the questions and, um, with the foundation of a lot of really good communication skills and ingrained ethics, um, to, um, you know, explore these things and, and to see where we may be able to get to that is just healthier and provides a better foundation for our further development as human beings and in our cultures to, uh, just be, just be more fully ourselves I think. And, and then from that foundation, there seems to be other, um, there’s further for us to develop and evolve. You know, we’re not at the pinnacle of our human sort of achievement. I think that there’s, in particular, in relation to the whole question of the Internet and algorithms and surveillance society and robotics taking over. I think this is a good moment as human beings to reground ourselves into our basic nature and to be empowered from it. And then to meet the future and meet the challenges and um, you know, from that more, more whole, more at peace place.

Adrian:

Yeah. I, I wanna I want to actually explore the male practice a little bit if you don’t mind.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Sure.

Adrian:

Um, you mentioned, one of the paradigm shifts, uh, when I was started to explore these practices is the idea of, um, holding ejaculation or to prevent it while engaging in sexual practice. Can you describe that a little bit? Because it is a radical shift in paradigm to I would imagine a lot of western minded people.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

It is. I think like most men simply assume that, uh, if you’re going to be sexual, it’s going to lead towards orgasm and ejaculations always accompanies orgasm. Well, it turns out that’s not necessarily the case. And so what’s happened within the last half century is that exposure to some of these eastern systems from India and China in particular, there are others, but mainly those, uh, it turns out that, you know, there’s a lot to be to be adjusted and worked with in terms of that way of masculine being. And, uh, you know, women are freer in their sexual expression and sexual experience because they don’t, when they, there’s not this, they do ejaculate but they don’t lose.. they don’t ejaculate and then have to have a refractory period and the energy drain that’s involved in producing the sperm, which is just so, such a powerful substance. And so that we’re producing that. When men learn to move sexual energy in the, within the body in ways that it doesn’t, it doesn’t need to express itself through ejaculation. But you can almost “in-jaculate” is a term that people use up the spine and begin to move the energy around. So then types of orgasmic feelings at different parts of the body. Um, you know, it can have a brain orgasm or you can have a heart orgasm and things which are more common for women to feel actually quite natural for many women to feel the sort of whole body states varying degrees and intensity. Um, so it turns out men also can have that once they train their sexual as some of this is actual physical training. Training the muscles basically to gain control of the spasms, you know, of ejaculation. So then you’re able to play without orgasmic feeling that is there and yet you’re not a jocularity. If the feeling is they’re already sort of resonating on that orgasmic frequency, let’s say. Um, and then you can, and you can move it around, breathe it around, intend it around to different places and then join. Also if you’re with a partner can begin to synchronize the energies and a lot of, uh, truly amazing things that I don’t think that our western sciences really even begun to understand at all. But when you, I mean, it’s like a, Ken Wilber mentioned some people that critique in a different context, like meditative methods and so on. You comparison to the churchmen that refuse to gaze through Galileo’s telescope, you know, because they just were “nah”, you know, so if somebody’s willing to come and engage with these things, then yeah, we can show you the magic. The magic is there. It’s real. Um, once these energies are in motion and you can move this around and you, and I’m perfectly willing to have people describe it using different language, for example, then the traditional Taoist ways or the Traditional Chinese Medicine ways of talking about it. I have no objection to that. I mean, it is a practical system of healing for about a billion people. So there’s that, you know, something’s working there. So, uh, yeah, these practices are to truly extraordinary and revolutionary and I think, um, have the ability to really entirely remake our culture really, I would say.

Thal:

What about, um, since we brought up the male practices, what about females? Um, is it the reverse?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well, so I’m cautious when I teach women always to say that the way I approached these practices is as a man. And so there is, there is that difference. Um, so I’m somewhat aware of, uh, of the, of the way that women practice. Um, what is your question specifically?

Thal:

Maybe what’s the, or, how do women practice the kind of, um, practice that you teach? There’s that. Also, right away I’m thinking about people who are maybe gender nonconforming. How would they practice this kind of tradition?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay. So those are two really important questions. Um, let’s go with the first one. So I would say that like a lot of the things with the Neidan at the beginning phases, there are practices that are fundamental practices about, um, clearing the body of unwanted emotional, like negative emotion. Within the body because when you start to work with sexual energy, you will magnify whatever feelings are there. So if there’s a sort of a latent anger or if there’s a tendency to depression, um, you really need to be very cautious about how you approach this. When you begin to move the sexual energy around and amplify it tends to amplify. So if you can get yourself to a calm, centered, positive before you begin to amplify your emotions through the, the sexual Chi Gong, you’ll be in a lot better position. Um, so the early practices are, I believe, fairly identical between men and women. The inner Smile practice, um, the six healing sounds are practices that Traditional Chinese Medicine uses to clear, as I say, negative feeling states from the body. And, um, and then you move into things like the, uh, the practices for grounding to the earth. Um, in my experience it seems that women are more readily sensitive. And it’s like every other thing where there’s a normal curve. It’s overlapping, there’s exceptions, but I mean, women generally seem to me to be more sensitive to energies per se. And more readily able to ground in the way I’m talking about. Those practices I believe are virtually identical with what are known as the Iron Shirt Practices, which overlaps with Chi Gong, Kung Fu and with Neidan, all of them utilize these practices for different purposes. Um, it’s about opening the Meridians in the body so that these lines of energy are clear and that you can move energy in the question of Neidan. Um, initially you’re going to move into this sort of the Chinese tantra aspect. You’re going to be moving sexual energy through the Meridians. All very similar. I think that there are, the practices that are, are clearly different for women that are of central significance are two. One of them is the jade egg practice where women will insert an egg shaped stone into the vagina and to begin to… first of all just holding it there, toning the muscles of the vagina and with time learning to control the positioning of the stone, moving it upwards and downwards, um, developing a kind of a suction ability an ability, which as a physical ability corresponds with an energetic ability to draw energy very forcefully. Um, and then they go from my larger stone, which is easier to hold, to a much smaller stone over time and, um, become stronger there. In the context of these original, when these practices originated, it had to do with the imperial court of China and you know, the concubines and so on, um, who were expected to be able to control the ejaculation of the emperor so that the emperor who, I’m not sure if he’s training himself or not to control himself, but when a woman trains with these practices, she’s able to gain such strength in her vagina that she can actually close off by squeezing base of the penis. She can prevent the man from ejaculating. So that’s, you know, these things can be, can be trained to really high levels. But even just, you know, the women that I’ve spoken with about it and my own teachers, I have my primary teacher now is a woman, Francesco La Barca in Israel. And, um, the things I, what I’ve understood is, um, you know, just even having, putting it in there for 15 minutes, holding it in the body is, is a very, very, very strong practice for a woman. It brings awareness to that area. It energizes the area. It’s toning the muscles. And, uh, when it comes to drawing, the energy moving energy become much more effective. The other practice, very significant practice is the ovarian breathing. Very, very interesting. And it’s analogous to things that we as men, that we do in using the testicles to generate energy, and then we can move that energy around. So like an engine. So for women it’s the ovaries and it’s specifically timed. So just after the completion of menstruation and the pre ovulatory phase of the menstrual cycle, uh, the women do this practice and during that phase, so according to Chinese medicine, that’s the phase where there’s a lot of Yang energy, a lot of active sort of fiery energy in the ovaries, which is preceding the formation of the, um, you know, the ovulation process. So the energy’s there. And then the energy triggers the ovulation process. So what women do is they, with breathing, with intention, with visualization, they connect with this process. They connect to their ovaries. Very important, by the way, for both women and men to have a kind of conscious sense of their own sexual organs and this connectedness with them. Um, and so the women, they tune in to their ovaries during this phase of the cycle. And they, using the breath and intention, so on, they direct the energy away from the ovaries. They draw down through sexual organ area, uh, into, um, down to the Hui Yin at the base, um, which is the point between the anus and the vagina for women. And then they bring it up the spine and you drink it all the be all the way to the crown. And so when women do these practices, what they report is, uh, a lessening of the amount of blood during menstruation. They report a lessening of pain during and prior to menstruation. Women who practice these things intently can actually cease menstruation. Uh, it’s a choice. They can always back off a little bit and allow menstruation to continue or they can dress so much energy and bring it to other centers, other purposes, uh, that they, um, will cease menstruation. And then if they, and they back off the practice for a time, then menstruation will resume for women who are in there in the phase of life where they are menstruating. Um, so it’s, it’s quite fascinating and yeah. Yeah. I really invite you to, um, to speak with female practitioners more about what that’s like for them.

Thal:

I’m just thinking when you mentioned the yang energy, there is some kind of agitation that happens before the PMS. So, I guess, you know, if I’m someone that’s more in tune with my body and I’m intentionally meditating, doing these meditative practices, then I’ll probably shift that agitation into something more positive. Maybe feels like that when you’re talking,

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Uh, give me an example?

Thal:

Like, just like in, in terms of like maybe I’m thinking psychologically as well. Like you know, to me, I see that connection between the energy, you know, and psychologically, just before the period there’s this energy and agitation. And so if I’m doing these meditative practices, then it’ll be like, there’ll be more consciousness, more awareness. And it’s not just this low grade, you know, agitation, anxiety.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes, yes.

Thal:

Yeah. So it’s psychological healing as well.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I’ve, I’ve lived a number of years now with, with mainly amongst people, amongst women who really value their cycle and who view it as an essential part of their spiritual practice. Really.

Thal:

Yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And this notion of moving through archetypes. There’s a really wonderful work of Miranda Gray, a book called Red Moon, and she’s got an organization worldwide called the Womb Mothers. And really exploring these things. So for her, that premenstrual phase of the cycle corresponds to what’s called the Enchantress Archetype. There’s a heightening of psychic intuition.

Thal:

Yes and I sense that in my life. Yeah. Become very highly intuitive and yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So the difference between context practices, cultures, subcultures that want to work positively with those energies are just be bringing awareness to it at all. And the culture. For example, I remember looking at a TV commercial not long ago and it’s a picture of a woman and she’s swinging into the lake, you know, on the, on the rope and having a grand old time. And because this Tampon she won’t even notice that she’s having her cycles is sort of an attempt to sort of erase that. And that’s a really deep thing, a really, really deep thing. Like why that is, how did that come about? What is going on with that? I think that, you know, the Red Tent as well. I think that the premenstrual phase in particular, also menstrual phase is a kind of a, you know, there is, as I mentioned, sort of a heightened psychic energy and I think that there was fear.

Thal:

Yes. Yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

I think that women who really go deep into that energy.

Thal:

It’s powerful.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Very powerful forces at work there.

Thal:

Right.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And I think that that men in particular were scared of it. Scared of it. And it’s associated, I think with the spiritual power of women flowing out from nature rather than from various types of philosophy, ideology about God and so on. But this sort of…

Thal:

Definitely not in the head [laughing].

Yanshuf Kadesh:

No it’s not head based. It’s this other thing. Uh, so I think one of the things I would say that, uh, has been, uh, just coming out of Jewish Orthodoxy and the whole question of Nida and, um, you know, the women are sort of, it’s separated after that time. It’s considered an impurity and so forth and switching into a tantric work.

Thal:

It’s a big shift.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

It’s a very big shift. It’s a very big shift. So it’s just, yeah. I don’t know. Um, yeah, I’m not sure what else I can say about that. I can say a lot more, but I lived with a woman for a time who, this was her main thing I’ll actually cite, her name is Isabel Burr Raty. B. U. R. R. R. A. T. Y. It’s a plug. She’s a performance artist based in Brussels, Belgium. She’s from Chile and uh, yeah, she grew up in Chile. She became a full on through contact with the Mapucha people, southern Chile. She went through some sort of shamanic initiation and she was a TV actress and anyway her main research for a number of years now has been these things. And um, yeah, I encourage people to check out her work and see what she’s doing. She’s working with a lot of stuff. Very radical kind of stuff.

Thal:

Cool.

Adrian:

Yaacov, would you be willing to share your personal experience with these practice. Um I’m specifically curious about the early challenges perhaps when you began performing some of these exercises on your own and some of the positives and the early changes that you noticed in your own experience of life. And what was that like for you?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So you were referring to the, like the physical aspect, the Sexual Kung Fu?

Thal:

Yes

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay. The challenges of Sexual Kung Fu, um, I would say for me, discipline, uh, I call myself a lazy mystic and anything that demands, you know, but you sort of, there’s certain things you need to do kind of on a daily basis, you know, train your perineum muscle and really strengthen it up. Uh, and there’s just, you know, the challenges of making the transition to being highly sexually aroused, full erection and full arousal and then not ejaculating. Not ejaculating. Breathing the energy around, doing various practices of movement of the energy and then sort of, okay, you know, moving on with your day and that’s an adjustment. That’s a really big adjustment. And so, you know, all the, first of all, I made all of the mistakes that people make. Building up too much energy, not clearing the energy, practicing and while not being grounded properly. I didn’t really understand that until I actually got to Tao Garden with Master Chia himself and was in the presence of people who were grounded. Like really grounded, strongly grounded to Earth. And then I was like ah, okay, now I get it, you know, so the energy can equalize. I don’t need to carry excess energy in the body because I was a thing like you start to work with the sexual energy and you’re not ejaculating so initially the tendency is for just to build up in the sexual area, you get blue balls and all the rest. So, um, that, that was a challenge. And then what, what does it do to your mental state when you have all this sexual energy? It’s just like how did adjusting to having more energy and uh, and then there’s, there’s sort of, um, common plateaus that you reach. Like there’s a phase where for a lot of, a lot of, I don’t know if it’s just men, I’m assuming women as well, like you start to build energy in the sacrum area and the energy is willing to go from the sexual center up to the, through the tailbone and up into the sacrum, but doesn’t really want to go past that. And so then there, you know, there’s things about massaging the area using silk to massage. Warming the area. And really it’s about moving also into a Chi Gong posture practice and Iron Shirt Practices where, um, you’re, you’re learning to do packing breathing. Like you’re opening the areas and opening the Meridian so that the energy flows more readily. But until that time, you’re like walking around with this energy charge, which on one hand is great because it’s, it’s, uh, especially for men who are a little older and there can sometimes be a question of erection, not erection circumstances. It’s like you’re carrying, you always sort of feel you have the potential for erection is there. It’s just not, it’s not sitting in your, in your penis. It’s sitting in your, in your sacrum or your tailbone, uh, and then eventually it sits in your, in the center of the body in the dan tian. Like in, around the intestinal area, you just store your orgasm, let’s call it your potential orgasm. You learned to store it in different parts of the body after circulating it, using the energy to open things up. That’s just, it’s extraordinary. It’s really hard. I’m sure it sounds really weird to a lot of people to sounds really weird, but, uh, it’s choosing to live in a kind of an energetically, erotically energetically loaded state. With some of the women in particular who practice these things, it can get to extraordinary levels where, uh, you know, women who are choosing to really embrace this, you go deep into this energy that you sort of allow it to animate you. Um, so you just, just from like a breeze comes and a person will have shutterings of orgasm, different parts of the body or a butterfly flows by, you know, or the or, or she sees the gleam in the eye of a, uh, an older person sitting on a bench in a park and it’s orgasmic. You see it’s life. It’s this positive life affirming energy. It is life. It’s not the words that we’re saying about it’s this, it’s that. It’s is what it is. [laughing], So for me, it’s been just incredible. Just incredible. You know, and these are longevity practices. And not just longevity with a Taoist tradition, the Neidan is the Inner Alchemy. Wudan is the external alchemy. And that’s the use of plants and all the Chinese medicine. And to come to these elixirs and, um, to cultivate immortality actually is the goal. And that’s not something you take seriously until you, until you spend some quality time with, with people who are practicing these things on a high level and progressing beyond all this Taoist sexual alchemy that we’re describing into what are called the Higher Fusion practices and the Kan and Li fire and water alchemical practices and uh, um, and then you start to really feel it, you know. And you meet people who are literally reverse aging before your eyes and you can’t believe how old they are. Uh, there’s people today that I am so curious to. I mean, I hope to live another hundred years if I can, if I can succeed in what I understand is to be happening, uh, so, and I think I don’t have to stick to what I thought of stuff ran out of things to say. It starts to sound really odd I think to people. Uh, it’s the thing, you just have to kind of look through the telescope. Like Galileo was challenging the inquisition. Well why don’t you take a look if you know?

Thal:

Yeah. Something that you mentioned before that before we start recording that that sexual energy goes, moves into the heart. And was it like, you know, and I’m thinking about spiritual, spiritual love and spirituality and so like some of the things that you described, I feel like it, I’ve happened to me before where I’d like, like that orgasmic feeling in my heart, but I didn’t, I didn’t cultivate it consciously. I didn’t know that it was that, you know, like there’s not necessarily a separation between our sexual energy and love and spiritual love.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

That’s a really critical piece. And I feel it almost every time we say the word sexual, I feel that split, that tension.

Thal:

Yes. Like it’s connected to this, to sex in these images come to mind.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah. Sex and it arouses all this stuff. All this fraught stuff.

Thal:

Shame.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Yeah. Shame. Yeah. Resentment, anger or trauma. Um, all this cultural stuff, historical stuff, all the stuff about patriarchy. All of the gender wars, all of it comes up. And so we’ve, you know, we’ve got to work that stuff through and in dialogue and in conversation, so on. But also if we can sort of go direct into the energy, even just as a solo practice without engaging anybody else, uh, it can entirely alter our perception of what…

Thal:

Which, which actually takes me back to that question that we mentioned. If you answered it about the gender nonconforming, because if we’re talking about energy, then really the binaries kind of dissipate a little but we, we are still aware that, you know, that this teaching, the female teachings are quite distinct from the male teachings. So how do we address that?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. So, um, that becomes a, you know, a kind of a, a larger, um, philosophical, intellectual conversation. Okay. Uh, so I could sort of mark out the basics of the way I see that. But to me, both of these traditions that I have been working with, the Neo Tantra and the Taoist tradition and also the Kabbalah. All traditional wisdom traditions are in some important sense essentially list in the sense that they all talk about, uh, kind of a masculine feminine polarity in the nature and the cosmos.

Thal:

Yes.

Yanshuf Kadeshe:

Um, whether it’s, uh, you know, the Parsufim, in the Kabbalah, you know, this father and mother and all this, the whole metaphysics around that Yin and Yang, um, Shiva and Shakti. Um, so right away I think it’s important to acknowledge and to be intellectually honest..

Thal:

Yes.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

That any form of, um, analysis that relies on a socerian postmodern, um, literary devices. If you’re viewing everything is text based, right. And that gender is simply a function of how we’re going to assign a certain meanings and so forth. So then that’s not in, I don’t think that is going to be at all compatible with, uh, these wisdom traditions, which do talk about actual forces that are out there that you can name them. However you choose to name them. And you know, and the, there’s the goddess has many names, right? And God has many names. Um so I think it’s important to have that at clear at the beginning cause I think a lot of people who are, let’s say going through their undergraduate training within a deconstructionist or postmodern or however you want to frame that, um, philosophy, um, Foucault is a big influence and this is with fraught with sort of the power dynamics around language, around meanings and all of this. Um, yeah, there’s a lot of tension in the culture right now about this philosophical approach. And, um, so what could I say, um, I would say that the, any true Shaman, let’s say. Like to be shamanic is to be, be able to attune both to the feminine and the masculine. You cannot be whole, truly whole a human being if you cannot resonate with both of masculine and feminine energies, energies and their varying combinations. And just to be alive and aware to that. And I think that people that want to train as healers and even just within psychotherapy, like when you do depth psychotherapy, like longterm, uh, psychotherapy with someone of the opposite gender, uh, with their different experiences and you do, you start to resonate with it. In Taoist tradition, we have physical bodies that are characterized by one or another of the masculine and feminine. And then of course there are various variations, human variations, but the variations, our variations within that basic polarity, I think it’s fairly, it should be fairly, fairly clear. And then of course there’s the energy body within all of these traditions is both masculine and feminine. So that means that every human being has a masculine pole. And every human being has a feminine pole. This came into the western psychology in the form of the Anima and the Animus of Jung, uh, it lives within a Taoist tradition, you know, as the, as the energy bodies and the various Meridians and so forth. So, I mean, I feel my feminine pole down the front of my body and on the left side and it’s an immediately felt conscious part of my experience and I can choose to move into living, experiencing, uh, connecting with another person more through my feminine pole and I can choose to go into more my masculine pole. And there are times in which I practice as a practice consciously to go out to my masculine pole or out of my feminine pole. And this is, this is Tantra, this is, this is also any of these systems that engage with the sexuality in this way acknowledge this. So there is, there’s, so I personally don’t feel that I need to wear women’s clothing in order to, uh, express my feminine pole. Um, I will say in the last few years of my, my shirts have become a little bit more colourful and a, yeah. And I like my long hair and, um, I allow myself to, you know, there’s also sensuality and like there’s a lot of men still who have this thing of they can’t really be sensual. It’s already shameful not to be sensual to whatever it is, you know, care about your appearance or, um, so I think that right now there’s a bit of tension. Like even in Toronto, I’m aware of people coming into practice spaces and wanting to feel accepted and welcomed. And I can say that for me, myself as a teacher and everyone else I know that works in this field, we find nothing shocking about people who are living out varying combinations of their physical bodies to apparently or not.

Thal:

Different forms of expression.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. Forms of expression and I’m all for all kinds of exploration and experimentation with being beyond gender. Um, you know that also in the Taoist tradition, there’s the physical body characterized by varying combinations of these masculine, feminine polarity. Then there’s the, then there’s the, the, the energetic body, which can be all of them cause it’s not manifest physically. It’s, it’s all of those potentials we all carry. And then there’s what the, what’s referred to as the original spirit, which is beyond the Yin and Yang.

Thal:

Yes, yes.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And a lot of what we’re doing with these practices by cultivating the ability to go out to a pole and with a partner who goes out to the opposite pole so that you’re heightening the polarity, you’re heightening the difference, that there’s a magnification of the amount of energy there. Um, and so that you’re drawing down with you drawing down from that, which is beyond the Yin and Yang. But that’s the intention is to be connecting with that mysterious, whatever it may be. The Tao, right? That, uh, is, is actually the source of both. And so there’s peace, there’s a place of peace there. Uh, I just think people who view themselves as being, um, either gender queer or, um, other, you know, all the various genders today, just, you know, enter into these spaces. Please come. First of all, we need you. Um, many of you are people who would, in other times in places be seen as gifted and would be sent to the Shaman, or the Shamaness to enhance and to practice and bring out your unique ability to move between these poles in unique ways and create beautiful expressions of, of, of being through that. Like, like, like we need you, you know, um..

Thal:

And in many ways the deconstructionist narrative, um, or critique is born out of a culture that’s like rigid and, and, and, you know, and limited within language and the Cartesian duality. But you know, when you’re talking about this world, sort of the wisdom traditions and the Taoist, then really the polarity, right away, there is no real polarity. Like you, like you, you know, it’s more paradox and in a way it’s more inviting for different forms of expression. It sounds.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

I’m not sure I understood.

Thal:

Um, so when you were saying that, you know, um, queer folks, please come, right? Like, so that paradigm, that paradigm is not as, it’s not, it’s not the Cartesian duality paradigm.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

What is the, what is not the Cartesian duality?

Thal:

When you were talking about the wisdom traditions, Taoist, it’s, it, it offers, um, a way of being that allows paradox and that allows different forms of expression.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes, absolutely. In other words, I don’t see any problem with with openness to all different forms of expression and playfulness. And the opposite, it’s, it’s, it’s part of the, it’s part of the practice to explore out all those things. It really is. And even taking them to extremes at times. Um, it’s the, it’s when it’s, when people are highly invested in a particular way of interpreting and ascribing meaning to these different ways of being and that they’re coming into the space and demanding not that they themselves as people be accepted, but that particular way of thinking about it all, um, which can become quite ideological at times rather militant. So then you come into the practice space with that, it’s inevitably going to create certain tensions and so on. So I would just say come with an open mind, um, and just ground into practice. And then, and then I would love it. Actually, I had a partner at one time was called herself gender queer and, um, you know, I, and she had some critique, you know, a of things that she saw in some of these places. And, um, and I think that, you know, once she raised it and I was like, okay, yeah, I see what you’re saying there. Um, so we need people who are going to come in from, from that, from that side of things already with the fluidity or the, you know, and to, and to genuinely immerse into these practices. Not to worry about the religions around them, the philosophies. The practices of the energy itself. And as you are, you know, doing you connecting with these entities and see what it does, what does it do, how does it affect yourself and not just go in a little bit, do a few weekend workshops and then begin to sound off, right. No, we need people who are going to immerse and become full blown Shamanic witches and whatever you want to call the warlocks and the non-gender version of all of that. We just, we need you to become, we want to magnify your way of being and, and, and, but go all the way because none of us that are really into this as a practice really have patience for anybody’s too much talking that it really, we just don’t, you know, cause once you really get into, you get hooked into the potential of being a truly grounded and sexually flowing. And even that word bothers me. The word sexual, it’s just life energies, life force, energy, you know, plug in and see, and for each individual person it shines a different way. And, and depending who your ancestors were and where you’re coming from or what you’ve been reading and it, the archetypes will, will, will, will awaken in a certain way. And yeah, let’s just dance the dance and not be stuck in language and hung up.

Adrian:

Yeah. I love that. Um, on that note, how do people start this dance? Um, where would you direct them if they specifically um, for whatever reason can’t access or go to one of your workshops, where would you recommend they begin?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well I’ll tell ya, it’s been a couple of years in this ISTA organization now I just did their level two training. I’m going to be assisting at a level one training in Majorca, Spain in May. I’m very honored to be engaged with that. I’ve met some extraordinary teachers there. Um, as with everything that’s an organization, I’m always testing the ground as I go. Uh, there’s always shadow aspects. There certainly were in the traditional religion that I was involved with. Uh, there certainly are with ISTA. There certainly are with every other thing where we try to make something static in some way. ISTA’s just doing a pretty good job. It seems to me opening up a lot of people and uh, I think it’s a really good entry point. It’s unfortunate that some people can’t afford, it’s a week long immersive training and um, yeah, that’s going to copy you, cost you over thousand dollars. Uh, but it’s full room and board. You know, it’s worth to me if someone has the bug, it’s worth selling, literally sell the walls of your house and go. That’s what I would say. Um, and it also, there’s something called the LEA Fund, which is I think specifically for young people who wish to explore this but don’t have a funding. There’s a LEA Fund. Um, you can look that up. It’s stuff stands for International Schools of Temple Arts. Uh, it’s been an amazing journey for me. You know, I went to the festival, I did level one, level two, um, um, I’m living part time in a community in Israel, which has a lot of people there. And engaged with the organization with sacred sexuality and Tantra and various practices around that. So I say dive in. The ISTA level one training to me is potentially… You have to be ready for it at, uh, so it will involve nudity. It will involve sexual contact, even full sexual contact. Everybody in, in that space is always at choice. And the training that I did, it’s the first full two days was just boundaries and consent and experiential training in boundaries and consent. Um, and then with time you begin to open things up and it’s a kind of an experiment with how can sexual energy exist within a social space. And working with oneself. It’s a kind of an upgraded version of what were the, the aspects, sort of the tantric aspects of the cosmic consciousness stream of the 1960s counterculture. So those people sort of continued on some of them in their practice. Some of them ended up in mountains or in monasteries in Tibet or wherever, uh, you know, others did fried out on psychedelics and um, you know, but, but some of them continued on with these practices and have gone through a few decades now of evolution. And taking account of things like, for example, their sexual exploitation that came out of the free love time where there were a lot of, a lot of people that were, you know, there was, everything was cool and all that, but it really wasn’t so cool. You know, there was a lot of people being taken advantage of and there’s a lot to work through. So the culture has worked some of that through. But in these, in these particular practice spaces in particular, I’m thinking in particular people as well that, you know, they’ve really evolved the thinking and the practice in ways that it’s much more, it’s much more perfected now. I’m saying I’m not perfect, but it’s that you can enter into these spaces and um, there’s a container, you know, there’s a container, a defined space. It’s an intentional space an encounter group type format. Um, and just, yeah, come up against your being. What is it like for you, what comes up for you and taking ownership and all that. That’s a, that’s a huge one. Uh, Universal Healing Tao is the name of the Mantak Chia system. There’s a bunch of different branches and different teachers who have taken it in different directions, but the sort of the mother ship remains Mantak Chia’s Universal Healing Tao system. There are a lot of instructors around, not everywhere has an instructor, but that will, that addresses these themes. Um, David Deida is an extraordinary teacher, very expensive to see him. Uh, his intensives. I don’t even know if he’s actually active now with intensives. I saw he was giving something for men. Um, he’s been sort of semi hiatus. I think. That’s great, it’s a burgeoning field and a, yeah, if you think you’ve start looking, you’ll, you’ll find, but, but I encourage people not, not to, not to just rely on simply reading. Reading is great, but getting into a space with other human beings, with at least one person in the room who understands how to facilitate processes and start to test and explore, experiments. I think that’s the direction.

Adrian:

I think on a, on a closing note, I want to hear what you think is the potential for these practices within the social context. You mentioned about the, um, oncoming AI revolution, robotics surveillance with a sort of technological crisis, if you will. What do you see the role of these practices in that framing?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So, um, some of your listeners are probably familiar with Terence McKenna, the great prophet of this psilocybin mushrooms. His very fascinating writings. His uses the term archaic revival that we, you know, human beings, we evolved from these primates, lived in small groups and, um, we’ve got this thinking thing going on and we got sort of became our main mode of relating. And, um, a lot of us, the mainstream Western civilization has largely lost touch with our, our indigenous mind, I would call it. Um, indigenous peoples have suffered immensely as a result of that, a result of this sort of looking at nature as if were something outside of nature and um, this tremendous trail of destruction. But there’s also been a tremendous, unbelievable, um, expansion of human wealth and yeah. It’s kind of a long thing, but to sort of, I would say that, uh, we do need an archaic revival. We need to, we need to restore our prehistoric mode of being and we can integrate that with all of our advanced science and technology.

Thal:

Modernity.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Modernity. We can integrate them. It means just like I was saying about myself earlier, the need to sort of back off from this over investment with the, with the, with the wakeful problem solving mind. Um, which seems to be like the only really valued mode with some of these people’s, the remnants at least of these peoples of the earth who have retained their primal, indigenous consciousness. We need to learn from these people. And I …you know, we need to raise up these people and uh, and give them, and learned from them and very careful not to do any further harm. Because we will never be whole if we don’t restore our basic connection with our nature even the nature within ourselves, you know, our sexual forces. Very much in our nature, the strong edge of nature within our own bodies within own being. And connecting also, uh, you know, with others in different ways with that. Um, otherwise what’s happened is we’ve externalized our intelligence and we’ve created machines that are able to exponentially amplify the sort of intelligence functions of the human being and they’re quickly becoming our masters. Algorithms are increasingly, you know, we need to negotiate with them. And they’r presuming to anticipate our needs and we’re being surveilled constantly by machine intelligence. And, uh, I think that there’s, a potential dystopian outcomes from this, I think that we’re seeing in China right now, we’re seeing the dawn of a technological dystopian society, right? These very days. And, we’re on a cusp, it feels. The way things have been will not continue like one way or the other way. And most of us are cyborgs now with the phones. We are cyborgs. We’re not whole without the phone. We don’t feel like we’re truncated, we’re cut off if we’re.. So I think this is the moment, you know, to really, and it does seem to be in the air to reground into, into again or just sort of searching for words, but it’s the earth, you know, it’s the planet earth. The planet earth is a very sexual planet, pulsating with life. And this magnetic, you know, the Schumann resonance and it was a certain frequency is 7.83 resonance, which of course bonds and some way to being in the being an orgasmic state. Uh, it makes a lot of sense. You know, the life energies are life energies and you know, I don’t know that much about the science. I just know through the practice what can be felt and what can be experienced. Uh, so it feels like a time of, um, I feel like there’s a, you know, a lot of people are going to just really kind of get sucked up into this sort of Borg type of, existence. The more everything that the machine is doing for you, you sort of lose the, you lose your sense of direction, you know, you lose your, you’re losing your social. Uh, we’re losing our social ability to read social cues, um, to even gaze into each other’s eyes. Very difficult for many people now, particularly younger generation now to even look at another human being in the face and understand what’s happening with the little cues that go on. And um, you know, uh, autistic disorders are off the charts now. So, um, so it’s really much more to be said I’m quite passionate on some of these topics. It’s a whole, maybe it’s a whole other interview at some point in the future, but I think it’s, I think it’s time to, if we, if we can reground and tap into these energies, which are, it’s not just your particular sexual energy, you’re tapping into something which is much broader as certainly as far, at least as far as the sun, the planet, and also maybe in terms of the cosmos and uh, that if we can do that. I think it gives us a chance to somehow navigate through this unbelievable shift that we’re, we’re, we’re going through. And you know, when people think about terms of the singularity and maybe what’s coming or listen to Yuval Noah Harari, different futurists, what Elon Musk is describing, cautionary, uh, you know, people are in sounding warnings, um, you know, about AI and so on. I feel that to me it feels like these practices are evolutionary practices in essence that the human being bringing consciousness to sexuality and, and sort of taking… I don’t like the word control, but it’s the ability to flow with and to work with these energies. Uh, it feels like at one in the same moment, a restoration of this sort of primal indigenous mind as well as a step forwards in our ability to, the way that we engage with it is, is also qualitatively different now as humans with these modern egos and all that we have, he goes, or it’s a tool of the ego. The modern ego we have is, it could be, it could be, uh, something really alienating and disconnecting. And, but it can also be powerful tools, you know, together with the science and all of the rationality and all the rest of it. So it’s bringing it all together. Now it feels like it’s an evolutionary shift that we need to access all we need full spectrum human beingness so that we can move into this in a grounded way. And we’re going to be fusing with the machines. It seems very clear. We already are actually. And, uh, but we need to have our side of it are embodied human sexual being, pole of this, uh, Cyborg fusion. Uh, we need to hold it up. We need to restore it. We need to, we need to bring that, bring that, bring that all back into the forest so that we don’t become truncated. Um, yeah. And then, uh, that makes me hopeful. And to me in, in terms of my psychological background it feels like psychology has to go through a major reformation, a major reformation. Uh, we have to stop being just too narrow minded and we need to open up to these other forms of knowledge and practice and, and, um, and energy the chi energy, the eastern knowledge. It’s time to open it up. And so that when we’re flying off to the stars, or, you know, our grandchildren maybe, are going to other galaxies, they’ll be whole, you know, they won’t, they won’t just be, um, sort of algorithms or something like that. Anyway.

Adrian:

Yaacov, to be continued.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay.

Thal:

Thank you so much.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Pleasure, honor, Pleasure to be here.

Thal:

Thank you so much.

#19: Revisioning Transpersonal Psychology with Jorge Ferrer

The central premise of Transpersonal Psychology is that mental health encompasses more than just the physical matter of the brain or the behavioural ailments attached to personality structures. The transpersonal approach addresses issues that arise from beyond the limitations of psychopathology. Before the birth of the field, it was only mystics and sages who grappled with transcendent or spiritual experiences. Transpersonal psychology may be one of the doorways for mainstream psychology to negotiate a more holistic approach towards mental health.

Jorge Ferrer is considered one of the main architects of second-wave transpersonal psychology and is best known for his participatory approach to spiritual knowing and religious pluralism. He is an international lecturer and professor at California Institute of Integral Studies. He teaches courses on transpersonal and integral studies, comparative mysticism, participatory theory, embodied spiritual inquiry, and spiritual perspectives on sexuality and intimate relationships.  We explore non-ordinary states of consciousness, embodied spirituality or “body fulness”, plant medicines, and the need for more cross-pollination between spiritual traditions. 

Jorge is the author of Revisioning Transpersonal Theory: A Participatory Vision of Human Spirituality and Participation and the Mystery: Transpersonal Essays in Psychology, Education, and Religion, as well as the co-editor of The Participatory Turn: Spirituality, Mysticism, Religious Studies.

Highlights:

  • Spiritual Bypass vs Embodied Spirituality
  • Participatory Approach to Transpersonal Psychology
  • Collaboration Between Indigenous and Modern Communities

Resources:

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Full Transcript

Thal:                

 Welcome to the show, Jorge. Thank you for coming on.

Jorge Ferrer:               

Thank you very much it is a pleasure to be here and to be here with you.

Adrian:             

Yeah, so Jorge, I think a great place for us to start this is to just hear a bit about your, the spiritual orientation of your childhood. We want to hear some of your early experiences that put you on this path of Transpersonal Psychology.

Jorge Ferrer:               

Thank you. I think I can say a few things about that, I was born in Barcelona in 1968. It still is, but it was even more of a Christian Catholic country. I did go to a Catholic school. I think I was lucky enough that the school was run by a brotherhood of educators, Armanos Maristas and the object of devotion was not God the father it was the Virgin Mary. In a way they were much less dogmatic and strict like the Jesuits for example. The education was very good but also there was something about that kind of devotion to Virgin Mary that I think kind of influenced my approach to spirituality from day one, like a more feminine and more organic in many ways. We will talk later about it I am sure but in many ways this participatory spirituality it could be seen as a much more feminine approach than let’s say other more classical Transpersonal paradigms.

In addition to that what I would say I also went through a kind of non-ordinary states of consciousness and experiences when I was a child. I think probably when I was 11 or 10 years old. In the school, several times I would go into what I later learned to identify as a trance state. The Buddhists call it the Jhānas, the first absorption in the Theravada path where everything in the room and everything around me will be completely blank. I would have my eyes open, but I would lose complete contact with the environmental context and I would be in a space of peace and light and just beauty. The teacher would wake me up and then I would start crying.

After a few times they took me to the school psychologist concerned that I could be epileptic, and they run some tests and they didn’t find anything and just let it go. That was one experience and the other was when I was pre-adolescent I started having out of body experiences and at first I was very scared of them and at first I really didn’t know what was going on and was not sure if I will come back to my body so it was pretty scary and later throughout my life, you know, I had them in different places and by then it became something else. At that point I was concerned, those experiences plus my personal of some kind neurotic things that I was experiencing in adolescence and early adulthood took me to the study of psychology and I was trying like many people who go into psychology, I believe they go for personal healing and also understanding those states, of course, mainstream psychology or the university did not provide for either of those. Those states were pathologized by mainstream psychology, as depersonalization or dissociation and all sorts of stuff and of course mainstream psychology could not provide any healing for my neurotic loops. I started a personal search for different paradigms that ultimately led me to find transpersonal psychology first through the books and then also start meditation, like also practicing with some kind of psychedelic substances and many, many other things, and ultimately led me to CIIS, to study my PhD there. I’ve been teaching there for the last 20 years.

Adrian:             

I wanted to ask you about the out of body experience, when you said that my body kind of got a reaction to it, so I want to kind of press a little bit, do you mind sharing what that first out of body was like? What was happening phenomenologically?

Jorge Ferrer:               

Sure. Basically, all the of out of body experiences that I have had follow a very specific phenomenology to begin with later they can change. They normally happen, at least to me, when you’re in that space, in between a wakefulness and sleep, your mind is completely awake and lucid. You are as awake as the three of us right now and most of our audience, I’m sure. At some point you find your body completely paralyzed. Then you feel some kind of energy, you can hear it in waves. Voom. Voom. Suddenly you find yourself out of the body. At first it can be extremely disorienting because you have not learned, especially when you’re like 12 or 15 years old to navigate those states. It could be scary, you find yourself out there, you see your body in bed? You are in a kind of different body like what is called the astral body, but you don’t know how to make it work so it could be very disorienting. It took me many years and many out of body experiences to actually learn through experience to navigate those worlds much better.

Thal:                

 I think we’re just going to move to the next question. One of your major contributions to Transpersonal Psychology is the participatory approach, maybe if you can share with us how you arrived to that perspective. Personally and academically.

Jorge Ferrer:               

They are intertwined, of course. It was part of my personal process. It was part of my intellectual challenge, and my spiritual unfolding all at the same time. What I would say is that when I first arrived to California in the early nineties, Transpersonal psychology was dominated by the neo-Perennialist approach, authors like Ken Wilber and Stan Grof, people I really admired a lot, and they have contributed tremendously to the field. They were like the fathers of the field and I learned so much from them, and at the same time there were ways in which I felt they were providing this kind of neutral language, like this categories that claimed to be transcultural for all spiritual paths, all spiritual traditions.

But by doing so, inadvertently, in most cases, especially in the case of Stan Grof, in the case of Wilbur it’s a different story. I think they were kind of like situating the spiritual goals of some traditions above all others, either absolute consciousness or non-duality and by doing that they were relegating spiritual goals and spiritual traditions that did not share those goals. For example, most of Christian mysticism does not share non-duality, it is about cultivating the presence of God, a loving God in your life, you know, not to speak about Daoism or indigenous traditions. Theistic traditions, for example, were kind of relegated to a kind of a lower level of a spiritual insight and understanding. That was part of my initial reaction to that and at the same time there was a lot of emphasis in the Transpersonal psychology movement about reaching states of consciousness, right?

The subconscious was the panacea, you know. We need to understand that for many decades spirituality in the States, the Transpersonal movement had been dominated by very problematic forms of Christianity. In the late 50s and mid-60s, the psychedelics came in and Eastern traditions and Eastern gurus came in to the West, you know, and at the same time it was humanistic psychology speaking about peak experiences and farther reaches of human nature. I think the conference of different factors gave birth to the Transpersonal movement with its emphasis on higher states of consciousness.

Most of Transpersonal psychology at that time were busy mapping those states and they still are many of them and it is still a very valuable task. But for me, the participatory movement, is not a substitution of that first wave. It’s kind of an expansion. It’s bringing it all down to earth. It’s about relationship with other human beings, with societies, cultures, diversity, the ecological crisis or political situation and so forth. It’s really about the democratization of spirituality, like really framing a plurality of spiritualities. There is no single sequence or paradigm model that is going to encompass all traditions in a way that is not ideological, especially when you situate them in a evolutionary continuum or developmental continuum as all those Transpersonal psychologists were doing. The participatory movement is like an embodiment, and also it is about relatedness, and creative inquiry in dimensions of spirituality. It’s not so much about rediscovering the tools that were already found by the old sages and teachers, but also it is about co-creating your own spiritual path.

Thal:                 

I think what you mentioned is very important because I mean, personally, I found when I was going through my own crisis and asking all those questions, and just the complexities of the world felt overwhelming, I found solace in reading Ken Wilber and just, you know, everything hierarchal and organized, and that has its place. But also, like you said, the participatory approach is not to eclipse that, but to enrich that approach. Can you speak more about how it can serve in our current global climate?

Jorge Ferrer:              

 I feel you are totally right because with those early years (in Transpersonal psychology), there was an influx of all these different spiritual traditions and people were having these psychedelic states. There was this chaos and so maps such as Ken Wilber’s and Stan Grof really put order to some extent. People say, “oh, wow, now at least I have a map that I can make sense of my experience.” But of course, like any human experience, especially when you go beyond your own experience and you start relating to many many other people who have different experiences. It’s much more complex and messy and interesting than any kind of conceptual can encompass.

Anyway, coming back to your question. I think it is important that with our ecological crisis, you can try to persuade people about being pro environmentalist in many different ways, and many people are doing that because they have an intellectual understanding of the problem. There are people who are doing that because of survival reasons, and that’s very important, not only for themselves but for their progeny. They really want to make sure that their grandsons and granddaughters have a world where there are trees and there is air that can be breathed.

There are a variety of reasons. I think with the participatory approach, or the eco-psychological and transpersonal movements what they can bring forth is more important because take for example the emphasis on embodiment. The more embodied you are…which the body is really part of nature in a way that the isolated mind can be more disassociated. The more embodied you are, the more naturally empathic you are to the pain and the joy of nature. Therefore, it becomes something more of an existential imperative is not so much about the survival of your granddaughters or because you know it’s right. It’s because you care in the flesh of your body that that is the right thing to do.

Adrian:             

Jorge, I love to ask you personal practices that have helped you become more embodied. I love that we’re bringing this up because I feel that seems to be a very relevant thing within today’s spiritual climate. That word embodiment comes up a lot, but the practices I feel are helpful. If we could go into that a little bit to share with our listeners.

Jorge Ferrer:               

Yes, this is a great question and thank you. Well, I spent almost 15 years of my life in the Buddhist tradition meditating and at some point I quit. I value meditation and I incorporate it in many aspects of my life and I still meditate sometimes, but at some point, even some Buddhist teachers today, like Reggie Ray and many others have brought this critiques of meditation as a potentially disembodied practice. It all depends how you meditate, right? There is a way in which people can really spend a lot of time in their minds and consciousness. Of course in many of the traditions like Buddhism, you know, the body was something to leave behind, not to speak about sexuality, and of course cultivating the more subtle dimensions of the heart and essence of consciousness. In India and the Indian Matrix, liberation was understood as something to escape Samsara, to escape the body, to escape this phenomenal natural reality.

But it doesn’t leave you many resources for environmentalism, but that’s a different issue. For me, after many years at that practice I was already experimenting with some sacred plants like Ayahuasca, Mushrooms, and San Pedro that is my main plant teacher and San Pedro in particular brought this very strong dimension of embodiment. San Pedro, in particular, is not a plant that takes you on this kind of inner journey or some different world spaces and subtle worlds that could be very fascinating and important, but it is a plant that teaches you how to be embodied here and now. When you are then embodied here and now you can open the windows and doors of your home, and a such your body without leaving your body sort to speak.

Another important practice for me is interactive embodied meditation it comes from a word called holistic transformation that I used to co-facilitate in Esalen institute, and in another places. It is a basically people coming together and practicing meditation in relationship with each other, and in physical contact with each other where you bring the mindfulness practice into physical contact with the body? I think that’s very powerful. My sense is that there is a lot of work that is very cutting edge. The most work that is cutting edge is the work that integrates somatics (body) with spiritual consciousness mindfulness. In the last couple of years, a few books came out about a bodyfullnes. This is a term that I coined myself in 2006 to speak about not so much the mindfulness of the body but a kind of awareness that emerges from the body itself. It might be like the big cats of the jungle. They are not intentionally trying to be alert but they are extremely alert much more than human beings. I can say a bit more or I can leave it here and go where you guys want me to go.

Thal:                 

Actually, just comparing the word mindfulness to the word bodyfullnes is interesting because mindfulness can be a way where people become even stuck more in their mind and forget their body. I’m thinking about the term spiritual bypass and how, you know, instead of using spirituality to become more integrated and aware, we can use it to just escape our body, our humanity. If you can speak more about that for sure, that would be…

Jorge Ferrer:               

The mindfulness that has become popularized today in the States and in Europe is a some more cognitive approach to mindfulness that is quite mental and that’s not even necessarily the mindfulness that was cultivated in Buddhism and has many differences as many Buddhist scholars have pointed out today. In any case, in terms of spiritual bypass, I will explain the terms for the audience. Spiritual bypass means, in particular, when one goes into a kind of like spiritual practice or teachings in order to avoid facing psychological issues. and to give a couple of examples. Say someone who has a lot of issues about anger, say anger towards their parents or anger towards the world can be very drawn to practice Buddhism. They emphasize the no expression of anger, equanimity, and being super peaceful all the time or someone for example that has like sexual blocks or issues around their sexuality they can become drawn to a tradition that emphasizes celibacy. Is that a solution? I don’t think so. In the best cases, they can transform some of those energies in positive ways and that can help. However, following the path of doing the psychological work, the psychosomatic psychoenergetic work to heal those sexual blocks to really clean the anger within yourself and to forgive your parents and to forgive the world, or whatever you are angry against, and then from that solid foundation build your spiritual practice.

Thal:                 

Definitely, the psychological growth and the spiritual growth go in tandem. We can’t separate both that’s a mistake that I’ve done in my life so I’m learning slowly.

Jorge Ferrer:               

Ideally they should go in tandem, but many times they don’t. We see this all the time, for example, spiritual teachers, you know, they are awake or they have a certain awakening for example in their consciousness or even in their hearts. They get into all sorts of sexual scandals, unethical behavior, and power games, right? So I just want to speak to the fact that while ideally they should go in tandem, very often they do not. I know many Shamans who are masters of the psychic realm and they can be tremendously gifted healers. They are real shamans, now don’t get me wrong. This is very important. They’re real shaman, they are elders in their communities, and at the same time they start doing ceremonies with Western women, but they also have transference towards them. It could be mutual and a two way street energetically, but they then lose it and start sexually harassing them or worst case scenario abusing them and abusing their own power. That is very unfortunate. This is why it is so important that we affirm and we encourage this kind of integrated spiritual growth that includes not only just the heart and consciousness, but the body and sexuality in particular. It is not the same to become mature mentally or emotionally than to become mature somatically and sexually.

Adrian:            

I love that. I want to ask you if someone’s earnestly trying to develop spiritually, they’re involving in practices, learning from different people, reading books. What are some helpful signs that they might be on an disintegrated path? Right? So what might that look like? We’re all vulnerable to it. I don’t want to sit here pretending like, you know, that we can just talk about these things as if we’re outside of it. You know, I think we’re the first to admit that we are all susceptible to disintegration or disembodiment. What does that look like? What are some telltale signs?

Thal:                 

The work never ends really. It’s constant. It’s something that we were talking about, too, before starting the podcast with you. I’m thinking about the Jungian concept of the shadow and it’s like the more you work on your spirituality, your “light”, you still have to be aware of your “shadow” and the dark.

Jorge Ferrer:               

I have a qualification around that because as the saying goes, the greater the light the greater the shadow, I don’t totally believe that. This is the case when development has not been integrated. The lack of development happens when there is a lot of spiritual consciousness and a lot of light but there has not been depth psychological work going together, if a person is developing spiritually and also has been doing a lot of depth psychological work: “I don’t think that the greater the light, the greater the shadow,” even though the saying makes a lot of intuitive sense because light and shadow go together.

Thal:                 

It is a clean box, Jorge, why break it open?

                        (Laughing)

Jorge Ferrer:               

Unfortunately, a lot of times this is the case, I think that is a sign of this kind of a more dissociated forms of spirituality in which people are just developing in some areas and not in others.

Adrian:             

I mean this is kind of related. Since we brought up altered states, this is something that we’re experiencing right now in today’s renaissance of psychedelics both in research as well as just exploration, you know, more and more people that are turning towards these tools. What excites you about this renaissance and maybe perhaps also what worries you at the same time with this current trend?

Jorge Ferrer:               

Yes, many things are exciting and many things are disturbing or concerning. I think there are two levels to this path, of course, it works on the individual level for people who are experimenting and then more on the cultural level, I think there’s two sides of the question. On an individual level, I am a San Pedresta and I do believe in the transformative power of many of these plant medicines. On the other hand, there is a lot of caution too. To proceed with caution is very important. I think we all know people who have done a lot of psychedelic work and you know their egos are not smaller, they are bigger, you know, and sometimes they have really weird ideas. They become conspiracy theorists. They are not becoming better persons. So what is going on? I think there are several factors. There is someone’s baseline kind of character. If it is someone with a lot of narcissistic wounding and let’s say a borderline personality, in a way doing the psychedelic work without doing the psychological healing work, there are more chances that something can go wrong. There are more chances that you become inflated or messianic or just not a good person as you could be. Another factor is community and integration. When indigenous people do these plants, they do it in the jungle, in nature, around a whole community and rites of passage. There is a whole social matrix that supports integration. Even in those cases, there is no warrant that the shaman is not going to be ethical or he is not going to be a sexual harasser. Things are very delicate. The importance of community of peers and friends who are going to tell you frankly. Jorge, you have been doing San Pedro all these years but don’t see you becoming more available for life. You are even a bit more self-centered than you are before. I think that mirroring is crucial. If it’s just one person telling you, yeah, but if it’s like a community telling you then that’s really powerful.

The power of community is really important. On a cultural level and social level, the renaissance of psychedelic research is important. It is legitimizing and it going to help in a few years when it becomes legal, like the psychotherapeutic use of MDMA and probably psilocybin as well. This is good because it will reach more people instead of doing the work underground and in illegal ways. It will open the doors for people who do not want to go that way. There is immense healing that can take place and a lot of suffering can be eliminated or minimized. There are also a plethora of challenges such as big Pharma.

On the other hand, there are corporate interests that are trying to put their teeth on all this research. They are donating a lot of money to all the research. No one believes that they do not want anything back. People who are in those organizations, especially MAPS are very aware of those things. There is also the cultural dimension, shamans and people from different cultures, like the Mazatec who have been using mushrooms for many years, when they hear that the medical establishment is going to take that sacrament and medicalize it and sell it without credit or without honoring the wisdom behind the tradition then of course they are not going to be happy about it and with some good reasons.

Thal:                 

I’m thinking when you’re talking about the plant teachers…and bringing the plant teachers over here…can we still have the element of the sacred or are we also appropriating yet another indigenous method of healing? I mean, what are your ideas around that?

Jorge Ferrer:               

I do work with the plant medicine, after spending 12 years working in Peru, I do belong to a lineage but I am not a native or am I Peruvian. San Pedro is a bit different since it does not have such an old lineage such as the psilocybin.

Thal:                 

Sorry, we lost you for a minute. When you said something important about San Pedro. Can you repeat that please? Thank you.

Jorge Ferrer:               

With San Pedro in particular the tradition is lost. It’s more disseminated, but with other plant teachers it is different. I think it’s a very delicate thing because on the one hand, I would love for as many people as possible in the world to benefit from those teachers. I believe that the plant teachers themselves, they want also that, they want to give. They don’t care if they are giving it to the natives or to other persons, they are sentient intelligences from earth. They just want to benefit all sentient beings. On the other hand, there is the perpetual issue of colonialism. When a culture has been colonized, when their women have been raped, where their lands have been taken, by Western people and now they are taking their sacred medicine.

That is of course will always be a contested area, but I think in the best case scenario, some kind of a dialogue from those traditions should and could take place, and some kind of compensation. Many of those people are just living in misery. It will be something that will make them happy and they will also be more willing to share their wisdom. Their willingness to share their wisdom is their own right but also I think the plant themselves are for all humankind. I don’t think that some people have a sacrosanct right to them and not others because they happen to be born in that area of the world. That’s my opinion but other people will think differently.

Thal:                 

That is true. I actually agree with that opinion. I really think it is the fine line. It’s like the middle way of how can we bring these plant teachers and gift from the Earth. How can we bring them but without appropriation, without the colonial baggage? It’s easier said than done. But yes, absolutely.

Jorge Ferrer:               

You know as a Spaniard and living in the States for 23 years, I never had any issue when I saw Americans cooking piaya but American people did not come to my country to destroy it or decimate it, and rape the women of my ancestry and take our things. The greater the issue of colonialism, the more delicate the approach. The other issues is money. Who is benefitting from this? When a world famous musical band, who I won’t mention their name, uses music from the indigenous people of Africa and makes million without giving back then that is a problem. Money, the history of colonialism and no dialogue with those people, I think are three factors that are very important.

Adrian:            

 I’ve heard you use this term and it’s actually a beautiful plant analogy is cross-pollination. You know, perhaps as a more harmonious way of seeing some of these practices and traditions being shared is the idea of cross-pollination. Can you share what that looks like or your vision for that type of spirituality?

Jorge Ferrer:               

I think I used that term to explain the cross-pollination of mystical and religious traditions. I think this is what is happening today. I used that word to describe what is already happening with the inter-religious dialogue, different monks, and exchanging different practices and different teachings. At the same time I used that word to show that this is where we should be going. Different traditions are good at cultivating different potentials. Some traditions are good at cultivating meditation mind and consciousness, other traditions are good at cultivating harmoniousness with nature and seeing nature as sacred, and other traditions are good at cultivating charity and social action. I think traditions have too much to learn and to teach.

At the same time this can be applied in conversation with indigenous traditions and Western traditions. I think there is a way in which people from both camps approach the other tradition with certain pride. The Western people go like this is primitive, we can take the wisdom from them and we can use it in this way because they are using it in this limited way, while we can use it in these amazing ways and reach many people. We actually know better what these plants are than they know because we have analyzed them in our laboratories. There is also the pride of the indigenous people. They actually come forward saying that we are better, we are the spiritual people. You people are not spiritual and you don’t know shit with what is going on with the plants.

In part, they know much more than we do about the power of these plants. I think there are possibilities of integration with a more dialogical approach in which doctors, psychologists, neuroscientists come together with shamans, indigenous people having worked with those plants and they come together as equals and they share knowledge. They not only share knowledge but they also inquire together. I think that is the future of research that I would like to see. This is not happening in the big universities. Let us come together, let us journey together, and let us inquire together, and let’s do an experience together and then let’s contrast our viewpoints. How do you understand what happened and listening to our different epistemologies and our different methodologies, and our world-views. A kind of multidimensional and multicultural dialogue and inquiry and science! This has not been happening, and I would like to see that happening in the future.

Thal:                 

In a way that is the true work of authentic scholarship, really. When you say that the big universities are not doing that then it’s really sad. The true work of academics and scholarship is to exchange and to meet as equals. When you describe the doctor of psychology meeting the shaman both are inquiring about the spirit but they are just coming at it from a different perspective. Speaking of talking about the same thing but from different perspectives, I am thinking about mysticism. I also know that you are a student of mysticism, and the world itself, a lot of modern minds might cringe when they hear that word. What does it mean to you?

Jorge Ferrer:               

It is a trick question. For me it means many things. I am a student of mysticism, I have also been teaching comparative mysticism for many years. I know the history of the word. I know the different meanings of the word. I know the different meanings the word took throughout many centuries, coming from the Greek matrix through Christianity. Something that is important to consider as preface, and I will go back to what the word means in a second, is the word mysticism is a Western construct. It is a Western term. It was later exported by Western scholars, Christian scholars to understand other traditions talking about access to spiritual entities of realms. For instance, many Buddhist scholars would not like their traditions to be called a mystical tradition.

D. T. Suzuki, one of the most famous Buddhist scholars who popularized Buddhism in the West was completely against the use of the word mysticism and to qualify Buddhism. Most indigenous people I know they would say, mysticism, what is that? That is not what we do here, what about healing, about balance, and about something else. Nothing mystical here. With that being said, the term mystical has many different meanings and it is a contested category. Generally speaking what mysticism means is about direct contact or direct access to a reality that is beyond our senses or we go down to a deeper dimension of this world that we can see. This is the nature of mysticism like the dimensions of consciousness or contact with the divine God in theistic traditions and so forth.

With that being said, my personal take on mysticism is like an integral experience of life, the cosmos, in all of its multidimensionality. So not only the dimension of the natural world but also the different kinds of the subtle realms as well everything that is encompassed by the word cosmos. Different mystics from different traditions would access different dimensions. It is not only a question of access only but it also a kind of creative enactment. This is also part of the participatory paradigm. It is not only about accessing realities that already exists and they do. It is also about cocreating with the kind of generative mystery.

By the term mystery, I mean that kind of creative force that is behind the unfolding of creation. I think we participate as human beings because we are part of that creation and that creative force. In connection with that creative force we can cocreate spiritual insights and practices and even perhaps new realities. I think this has been happening from the beginning of history of humankind.

Thal Ferrer:                 

In a way that’s bringing it to the practical, right? Like even when we’re talking about the plant teachers, they do take us into those “mystical experiences.” But really the true work is after the ceremony, like it’s not just to access those different realms as you said, it’s to bring it back to the everyday.

Adrian:             

I want to ask you, maybe not so practical question, purely just for my own curiosity. I know you’re not a fan of putting things into hierarchy, so I’m going to preface by asking, this is purely just for my own interest here. Is there a mystical experience that you’re comfortable to share that really stands out as the most confusing thing that doesn’t kind of fit, you know, a lot of rational understanding? Maybe actually there is a practical element that sort of brings humility, you know, it kind of brings you back to a place where like, I don’t know what the heck just happened. Is there something you can kind of share on that note?

Jorge Ferrer:               

Yes. My sense is that this is the paradox of knowledge. Genuine scientists talk about this…the more you know the more you realize the little you know. The more mystical experiences you have, the more explorations, the higher consciousness you can access, the more you realize the infinite dimensions that are out there. The more we realize the little that we know or the little that I know, in particular. Many of the experiences have deconstructed certain belief systems that I have had. They also impacted my work and certain theories. I have changed my minds about a few things.

For example, I used to hold that many of the entities that some traditions talk about like angels or sages that people would encounter. I would see it as cocreated by human consciousness until I had my own encounters with sages, astral doctors, and different types of disembodied entities made of energy and consciousness that really persuaded me that they are autonomous. They were so much wiser than I was and they were so much more benign and benevolent than even my deeper self. Most importantly, they had a tangible effect on my experience. I had an encounter with a Daoist sage and I could see him right in front of my face and he was bringing gifts on a purely energetic exchange, a shaktipat.

Therefore, there was this effect on my embodied organism. With ayahuasca it was the same, there were astral doctors moving in the room and healing people by putting their hands on their heart centre. They were performing these energetic spiritual surgeries and aligning the centers. It just makes you want to cry and be so thankful to them. I have had these experiences that helped me reframe my views. It could be some ascended masters or post-mortem scenarios. I do not believe that there is just one post-mortem scenario. I think there are many possibilities.

Some people say that religious pluralism is nice and beautiful but when you die you will see who is true. I don’t think so? I think the post-mortem existence can be much more complex and diverse than this one and different people can go to different places. While some entities could be ascended masters or people who have died, but there could also be independent realms with their independent entities made of energy and consciousness that are probably not connected to humanity.

The thing is that a lot of the entities that are encountered be it angels or others, they are usually very cultural shaped. There are different interpretations, here, where some say is that just an archetypal manifestation that becomes cultural with encounter but the essence is unknowable? The same entity would appear as angel to a Christian or a Buddhist teacher to another. I am not sure that that is how it works because the qualities are different and the energies are very different and the teachings are different, but who knows, the questions are endless, many possibilities and so much mystery. It is very exciting that we are all co-inquiring together into all of these dimensions these days.

Thal:                 

Amazing! Thank you for sharing that. I was transformed into another realm listening to you. Thank you. Yeah.

Adrian:             

Jorge. You mentioned at one point just bringing together a group of people from all the scientists, the Western minded as well as the indigenous and co-journeying. I think that really is sticking as a nice final remark is the idea that perhaps we should all, you know, find opportunities to co-journey with the other, you know, to step out of our comfort zones are familiar tribes and to really connect with the other, to find maybe not common ground, but to find the cross pollination. What gifts do we each have to exchange with one another?

Jorge Ferrer:               

With that being said, that does not mean that everyone has to do psychedelics. There are many ways to co-inquire and to co-journey through meditation and through different practices together. The importance is to include people from very diverse backgrounds and worldviews, different cultures, different worldviews, different epistemologies with humility and openness. I think this will be the challenge of our times.

Thal:                 

Absolutely. Thank you, Jorge.

Adrian:             

Thank you so much for your time today.

Thal:                 

Thank you so much.

Jorge Ferrer:               

My pleasure. Thank you. Thank you very much.

#10: Enter the Sacred Field of Kabir with Andrew Harvey

The mystical, the mythical, and the mysterium, the realm of cosmic forces remains enigmatic. We may project our human perception onto the unknown or completely reject it. What we don’t know scares us. Fear of the ‘other.’ It may be easy to dismiss mysticism as a way of the ancient ones. Yet, our mythical and mystical musings remain alive today through literature, poetry, music and yes, through video games and shows like the Game of Thrones and Harry Potter! There is no separation.

The lines between interviewer and interviewee become blurred as we shed our skin with a modern-day mystic: Andrew Harvey. We recorded this conversation a day after a poetry reading by Andrew, here in Toronto to celebrate the release of his latest book, Turn Me To Gold: 108 Poems of Kabir. Andrew brings in his energy and ecstatic presence as he shares his vision of sacred activism – in response to our meaning crisis or what he sees as a massive transformation of consciousness. Andrew was born in South India in 1952. He was educated in England and studied at Oxford University. By 1977, he became so disillusioned with life at Oxford, he returned to India where a series of mystical experiences initiated his spiritual journey. Andrew has studied under many sages and saints from different traditions. He is the author of over 40 books and lectures internationally.

Highlights:

  • The Mystical Experience of Writing Kabir Poetry
  • Problems with New Age Spirituality
  • Message for Young Seekers and Sacred Activists

Resources:

Listen:

A poem inspired by this episode

Full Transcript

Andrew Harvey:          

How lovely to be addressing you. How did you enjoy last night? How did it register in you?

Thal:                 

It was amazing. I felt the poetry, your presence, and your energy and you know, I come from a Sufi background so I was sitting there, I was like, yeah, this is what I already know but felt it.

Andrew Harvey:          

Exactly! Isn’t that wonderful? That to me is the exact response because we do know this, it is our reality and all the great ones like Kabir, they just wake up this knowledge within us. Kabir is not trying to be a guru, he is trying to empower us with our own authentic awareness because he knows that everyone is secretly divine and has all of this knowledge. That’s what I tried to do. I’m not, I couldn’t. What a boring thing to be a guru. My God. Terrible! What a waste of time where you can have all the fun in the world with people like you. Right. What did you feel?

Adrian:             

We were just talking, I am really raw right now. I mean from last night something happened where to me, you mentioned lion a few times the imagery of a lion and you were the lion last evening. You roared with that power. I felt like the lions in the room all heard it. We heard the cry and a part of me is kind of waking up to this realization of we got to act. You know there’s a sense of urgency and I love the energy that you are bringing.

Andrew Harvey:         

Act from sacred consciousness. Act from that vibrant wholeness within. You will be a lion in your own way. Everybody’s lion is different. There are tender lions. There are soft lions. There are wild lions. It is finding your own and unique inner lion, isn’t it? Yeah. I just do me, my big Me and then hope to wake up the lions in the room. I’m training the special forces.

Adrian:             

You’re definitely doing that.

Thal:                 

I want to share something with you before we start. I think it was two years, almost two years ago or a year ago when you were on a podcast with Tami Simone, “Sounds True”.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yes.

Thal:                 

Yes. I was going through one of my many dark nights of the soul and I’m just right in the middle of the interview…

Andrew Harvey:          

You’re a good Sufi.

Thal:                 

Hopefully. Right in the middle of the interview. You said one of the prayers that I have always utter in my practice, which is “show me things as they are”. Then you said that that’s from one of your favorite teachers, Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him. The moment you said that…It hit so hard with me that I just wept. I had to stop the podcast and I wept for like 30 minutes, so just wanted to share that.

Andrew Harvey:           

What a beautiful… You know, one of the things that hurts me the most is the way the Prophet is seen in the West. When you get a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of who the Prophet is, how could you not weep for half an hour?

Thal:                 

I love him, you know, he’s like…

Andrew Harvey:          

Oh God. Of course.

Thal:                 

He embodies the Divine Feminine. Like his teachings were all about the Divine Feminine…

Andrew Harvey:          

Absolutely…he says paradise is at the feet of the mothers. You remember?

Thal:                 

Yes

Andrew Harvey:          

Paradise is at the feet of the mothers and the first phrase in the Quran is about Rahman Al-Raheem. Both come from Rahm, the womb. God is mother first of all in the Quran and it’s impossible to read his life without being stunned by his tenderness. Look at the story of the cat. You know that wonderful story…he only has two tunis and his favorite cat is sleeping on one of the arms and he cuts off the arm of his tunic so as not to wake up the cat. ‘Adab (graceful comportment) is feminine. ‘Adab is entirely about tenderness and courtesy and respect and reverence. Those are feminine virtues and until you know that you know nothing about Islam.

Thal:                 

The most people who misunderstand Islam are Muslims.

Andrew Harvey:          

Wahhabis have no idea about the Prophet. If they could meet the Prophet he would be out of his mind with suffering about what they’ve made of his revelation.

Thal:                 

I believe that 100 percent

Andrew Harvey:          

And you can’t imagine why all the Great Sufi mystics have been so desperately and deeply and profoundly in love with him because they know that he’s the complete human being. No other teacher was a husband. No other teacher would have said that I love women, perfume, and prayer. That’s a complete man.

Thal:                 

Yes yes yes…

Andrew Harvey:          

A complete guy! He loves women. He loves sex.

Thal:                 

Yes he did…

Andrew Harvey:          

The beauty of celebrating with another being and perfume, the mystery and beauty of the world, and then prayer of course it’s the last one. It’s the ultimate one, but nobody lived as a complete life as the prophet. There’s never been as a complete life as him.

Thal:                 

I believe that. Thank you.

Andrew Harvey:          

You know that. That’s why you’re a Sufi. You’re so lucky to love the Prophet so much. What a life? So terrible! His life.

Thal:                 

So misunderstood…up to this day…

Andrew Harvey:          

Oh God, yes. You know that he is still available to those who love him…you never see him but you can…some people see him, but I’ve never seen him, but I have felt him…

Thal:                 

I felt him…Some people see him, some people see him like even in like during the day, you know, and have conversations with him, but

Andrew Harvey:          

I’m looking forward to that particular…

Thal:                 

Me too… I am looking forward to it.

Andrew Harvey:          

So glad you like that…that is such a blessing.

Thal:                 

I’m just happy to be talking to you today.

Andrew Harvey:          

Me too. But people always say to me, why do you say peace be upon him? Are you kidding? I would never talk about the prophet without honoring Islam in that way…it will be very vulgar. People have no conception of this. The ‘adab (good character) you need towards the holy ones.

Thal:                 

The holy ones from all traditions.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, but he would be the first one to say that. He said it again and again and again in the Quran. Nobody loved Jesus more than the prophet. Nobody loved Isiah, Moses, and Noah and all the great ones. He says there are 100,000 teachers who have no names who are great prophets and great saints. Women, men of all religions, shamans. It is much more than a religion, Islam. It’s a vision of integrated wholeness. It’s the most balanced vision ever given humanity. It has shadows, obviously. I mean homophobia, misogyny, and all the rest of it, but they were not his shadows

Thal:                 

These are the shadows of dogma.

Andrew Harvey:          

And the boys club and all the rest of it…

Thal:                 

I hear ya…

Andrew Harvey:         

 Rumi doesn’t have those shadows. The Great Sufi mystical saints don’t have those shadows.

Thal:                 

That’s why they were killed someone like Al-Hallaj was killed by the orthodoxy.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah. All. Can you imagine what happened with Rumi? Can you imagine? They were freaked out. He started dancing with this old man in the middle of Konya after giving good speeches and quoting from the Quran. They thought he’d gone completely crazy or even worse. Finally they had to face that he was radiant with God. You know? Absolutely. That’s always the way, isn’t it.

Adrian:             

Andrew…I feel like we want to do this in service of Kabir, right? I mean this is one of the major reasons why we feel so excited and grateful that you agreed to come on. And this is just the beginning of your book launch, essentially, and last night, I mean, what we experienced with the poetry, I mean, it was so moving. I am still raw from that experience…still processing.

Andrew Harvey:           

When you say raw, I love that word. What you mean by raw? What does raw feel like inside you? You know right now, let’s have a conversation. I’d love to. This is not me talking about Kabir, I want to talk with you. In the Kabir field.

Adrian:             

To me raw are new feelings. So it’s feelings that I’m not familiar with and there is an element of fear, like what is this? I’m confused, but it’s making me tune inward and try to hang onto it, try to be curious. And so that’s raw sensations in my body and these feelings that are all commingled. You know, it’s hard to put words to it that that’s raw for me. It’s pre-language.

Andrew Harvey:          

It is pre-language, why do you need to put words to it? Why do you need to? That’s the danger of trying too soon to get clear, not allowing the radiant confusion to breed its own revelation. To change one. It’s just like falling in love, isn’t it, with the person. It’s scary when you meet someone you can’t avoid you can’t categorize, you can’t not love, and you know that once you’ve made that commitment to love, it’s going to change your life. It’s not just going to change your mind. It is going to change your heart, your body, your whole trajectory. And that’s what happens when you meet someone like Kabir.

Adrian:            

 It feels naked. That’s the other word. Yeah. You mentioned that last evening…is to shed the costumes to shed the house, the houses and to walk in the open.

Thal:                 

Even the process of us making the podcast is really about coming out in the open. I’m waking up from my own journey where, you know, I went into the comfort of dogma for a few years and it just didn’t work because it wasn’t who I am and I was never that before. Adrian is coming also from his perspective. A more secular perspective, you know, and he’s waking up to the mystic in him. That’s what I see and you know, we belong to a generation that’s, you know, confused.

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, how could you not be confused? Everyone’s confused at this moment because we’re in the moment of trauma and terrible chaos, and terrible suffering. The possibilities of human extinction are real. How could that not be radically confusing? If you trust at the deepest level, that radical confusion can give birth to the new, a wholly new level of tenderness and vibrant openness and communion, which is a source of tremendous meaning and joy.

Thal:                 

What we’ve been doing after every episode…I’ve been writing poetry. I would say all my life. More recently I’ve been sharing them through the podcast after every episode, and I told Adrian this three days ago, I told him I feel naked whenever I write a poem, I feel naked and I’m okay with it now and it is what it is…

Andrew Harvey:          

Don’t you think being naked is the greatest possible gift you give to anybody.

Thal:                 

That’s true.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s the greatest gift.

Thal:                 

It is also being alive.

Andrew Harvey:          

alive. When you think about how you make the greatest friends of your life, it’s not by being brilliant, it’s not by being perfect. It’s by those moments of heart, rending fragility and expansion that suddenly snares another heart. Right?

Thal:                 

Absolutely.

Andrew Harvey:           

That’s it. That’s the whole of life.

Adrian:             

Yeah. Do we want to get into it, right?

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah. We are into it. Just keep this in the podcast. I love this because this is our field. You know, I can see your beautiful faces. I can see how much you are so alive and how much you are in pain, at what’s going on, and how much you are not just resting in that pain, but really wanting to understand beyond words beyond concept what this pain might mean. For me, what this pain is the pain of childbirth. It’s the pain of birth. It’s what happens to a woman when she gives birth is monumental. It’s being possessed by this birthing force that looks, from a man’s point of view, and I’ve seen it so many people give birth, looks like she’s being torn apart, but she’s not being torn apart. She’s been given the supreme privilege of being a gateway for the birth of a new being, and this is what’s happening in all of our psyches at the moment. Everything we think of as real, it’s being dismembered, it’s being burned down, not to punish us, but to release us from these terrible, horrible dominator paradigm structures which are quite clearly annihilating life, so we’re being born into life and that’s a scary, confusing process, but if you stay with it and trust and surrender and listen to the voices of the ones who really know this process, then something amazing gets born in you and with that, the passion to change, everything gets born in you. Together. We can do this.

Adrian:             

Thank you, Andrew. Thank you for that. I think. I think we’re both actually really wanting to hear how how you got drawn to Kabir to begin with. We know that in writing it was quite the experience. You lived with him. You mentioned multiple times that you were living with him. He was inside of you.

Andrew Harvey:          

I’ve loved Kabir all my life. I’m 66 years old now and I met Kabir first when I was 25 in Benares the city where he lived, which is called Varanasi now, but I can’t help calling it Benaras because for me the word Benaras means something exotic glorious and it is like an unfolding of purple silk, Benares. A very holy word and it’s a very wild, holy, gorgeous, terrible, amazing city, which is like a naked representation of every kind of opposites in life. I went there first when I was 25 and I was overwhelmingly grateful to be in a place as mad as my own psyche. I just recognized finally that there was a place on earth as gorgeous and crazy as what I was beginning to understand. The mystery really is… So I was out of my mind with joy and I used to go in the early morning to the temples and sit there and just look and breathe everything in. The perfumes, the smells, the amazing adoration of people. One day I was there and this old man came in this beautiful old Saddhu in rags but with the face like an eagle, and he started to sing and I can’t begin to describe singing, but it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t manicured. It was wild singing wild, holy gorgeous singing. The whole place shook.I plucked up my courage after he finished and I said, “what were you singing?” He spoke broken English and I speak some Hindi. Between my broken Hindi and his broken English, we communicated totally because we were in the space. He said, I am singing, “my beloved.” I said, “who is your beloved?” “Kabir! Kabir! Kabir! How can you sing anything else but Kabir when you’ve met Kabir. Kabir changes everything. Then he translated for me what he was singing and he was singing the song, “the beloved is in me, the beloved is in you as life is hidden in …(inaudible) rubble your pride my friend, and look for the beloved within you.” Just those words pierced me and I realized, oh my God, I have not heard of Kabir but that began a passionate search to find out everything about Kabir. I read everything in different languages. I speak French and Italian and German and some Hindi. I read all of the amazing new books that were coming out on Kabir that are incredible work done by, especially by two great women scholars, Charlotte Vaudeville, who wrote the most astonishing book on Kabir. Every single aspect of Kabir’s genius is explored by her with razor clear, deeply radical, wonderfully precise scholarship. Then there’s this other wonderful woman translator, Linda Hess, who has exactly the same degree of excellence in her work, but who also plunged deeply and mystically into the Kabir tradition and spent a lot of time with one of the greatest Kabiri singers, Kumar Gandharva, and if you’re listening out there, go on to Youtube, get hold of Kumar Gandharva. He is simply the greatest singer that India has produced in the last hundred years. He’s left, unfortunately, but his voice remains. So I plunged into Kabir from a scholarly point of view, from the translations that were coming out. Robert Bly is magnificent translations, a lot of Bly in there. He’s not really being very faithful to Kabir, but he did a marvelous job of bringing the perfume of the Kabiri spirit, but at the time I was obsessed with Rumi and I still remain obsessed with Rumi because Rumi was my first intense beloved. I just. I’ve never gotten over Rumi. I spent 40 years writing books on Rumi, recreating Rumi, going to Konya, plunging into the depths of Sufism, and Rumi is such an amazing universal poet. He is the other great universal poet with Kabir and the two of them are brothers that you can’t compare Everest and Kanchenjunga. They’re both supremely great mountains of brilliance and beauty, so I didn’t get around to really confronting my passion for Kabir until about seven or eight years ago when it suddenly became clear to me that the reason why I hadn’t done any deep work on Kabir because I myself wasn’t ready. You have to be ready for Kabir because Kabir is so fierce, so demanding, so real. I had to become real before or half real before I could dare to step into attempting to transmit him in English and then something quite dramatic happened in my life, which is I went through one of my periodic fits of bankruptcy, so because I’ve lived a pretty wild life as a teacher, I haven’t been user-friendly. I’ve tried to tell the truth because I know I’ve known for 20 years that we were in an apocalyptic situation. If you’re teaching in America, that’s the last thing people want to hear. They just want to hear everything is fine and it’s all going to go well. It’s not going to go well. We’re gonna have to die to be reborn and in this time I was compelled and it was one of the great graces of my life to go to live in a log cabin in Arkansas and I paid $300 a month for this log cabin and I thought more of my friends thought, oh my God, Andrew is now going off the deep end and we’ll never see him again. He’s a brave madmen, but bye bye Andrew. But in fact, what happened with that, that was the best thing that ever happened. I lived in simplicity with the deer and the hills of our Arkansas and the wonderful raw non-religious people who are just the best people you can possibly imagine. I was grounded and earthed in a way that had never happened to me before. I was humbled, radically humbled. At that moment he could enter because I’d been bashed enough, battered enough, reduced enough, humbled enough to be able to hear the unmistakable intensity of truth in him, and then something absolutely extraordinary started to unfold is that I really started to dream about him, to feel him around. I realized that in meeting Kabir at that time in my life, I was meeting the very, very best of myself. That the very, very best of myself would now be honed and deeply transformed by this encounter with this lion of truth. It was the most thrilling experience of my life. It unleashed an immense torrent of creativity in me because I started to write as Kabir. I’ve written hundreds and hundreds of poems in Kabir’s voice with my voice mingling his. I haven’t printed them and haven’t published them because I wanted my first offering to be about him because it would be an act of monstrous arrogance even for someone like myself to come out with my Kabir poems without spending time on really presenting the genius that gave birth to whatever I was able to say in this field, and what happened was that when you commune at that level of passion with a great being, you enter into the most intense, imaginable, sacred friendship with that being. This is known in all the mystical systems. The Catholics call this the communion of saints, the Saints are not in Heaven or whatever heaven is. The saints are all around. They’re still alive, they’re vibrant, and if you commune with a saint out of a particular deep love for that saint that saint will start to appear to you, talk to you, give you directions, guide you, you know them from within you. This is a tremendous mystery, but it’s a mystery that mystics of all traditions have experienced. And what I experienced was Kabir became my friend myself, my voice, my heart, and it was very scary sometimes because you can’t approach the field of Kabir without being exposed to yourself. And all of us have so much further to go. And when you’re in the field as clean and as incisive as the Kabir field is… You’re faced all the time with your corruption, your stupidity, your sloth, your vanity, in my case your desire for celebrity, all the stuff that swirls around in every human psyche, befriending someone like Kabir means that you cannot anymore befriend your own darkness. It becomes intolerable to you. There’s a real sacrifice involved when you come into this kind of field. But the rewards for making that sacrifice is so astounding because not only does he pitch that view and hits you over the head, he also got an arm around your shoulder saying, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been through it. It’s terrible facing who you really are. But you’ll discover through this facing who you really Are! That will make everything worthwhile. This was a most extraordinary process and out of that came my book, Turn Me To Gold and it couldn’t have come in any other way. I wasn’t ready to do it earlier on. I had to be cooked by Rumi, to be ready to be eaten by Kabir and I had to go through in solitude in that log cabin, this turbulent astounding relationship with him to be able to be guided by him to present the book in exactly the way that the Kabir field exactly wanted as a musical symphony in four parts that could open up all of the different aspects of the field to divine embodiment. It was an amazing journey. It’s not over. I’m just beginning a new journey now going out talking to people like you about the journey, that’s a new extension of this field. Does make sense to you? Does it ring true?

Thal:                 

I’m just thinking also about something that you had mentioned last night when you were talking about the book and about the two energies that are mentioned in the Sufi tradition, which come from the Divine name, which is the Jalal energy, which is the energy of awe and breaking the ego and the Jamal Energy, which is the beauty and the tenderness, which is Rumi, and that’s where you were cooked for you to get ready for Kabir as you had mentioned. I just want to relate or mention the role of poetry and the role of poet as medium and what does that mean to you?

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, what does it mean to you? You are a poet. I want you to hear what it means to you.

Thal:                 

Everything! I feel that poetry and the poet are mere mediums of energy. It’s like the connection between the sacred and the profane, the connection between the transcendent and the imminent. It’s only through poetry that we can contain the ineffable.

Andrew Harvey:         

Yes. How beautiful? I can’t speak after that, but I think that we’re in a time where religious dogma no longer captures us. I think we are in a time when people telling us what to do and how to do it, laying down laws is frankly horse manure to us because we’ve seen how many of those laws are not Divinely inspired but manmade and very crippling and I think we’re in the time of the birth of the universal mysticism that goes directly to the source that once the skinny about reality that once the essential disciplines but doesn’t want to be contained in any one dogmatic context and poetry is by definition non-dogmatic. It’s personal. It’s born out of the depths of the unique personal ecstatic experience, especially when it’s mystical poetry, and because it’s personal it transcends dogma, because it’s personal it speaks directly from the enraptured heart to the enraptured heart. It speaks above all the language of love and the language of love is the language which we are all, whether we are atheists or non-atheists or wiccans.

Thal:                 

Whatever the label is?

Andrew Harvey:          

What we’re famished for is that language of love and every humanbeing when they hear Rumi is thrilled because Rumi speaks as an ecstatic lover. Anyone whose ever known how love expands you will hear in Rumi, even if they don’t understand the kind and the vast of love that Rumi speaks about, they’ll know, oh my God, this guy is a lover and I have a lover within me, and I want that lover to grow because I know that lover is the best of me and the most noble of me and the most wildly deeply intelligent. Pardon me, much more intelligent than my brain.So poetry has that unique power to take us into the field beyond good and evil that is love in all of its majesty and power and beauty. That’s why poetry, mystical poetry now is coming back in such intense way because we’re being guided into a universal mysticism whose heart isn’t laws and dogmas, but burning rapturous, incisive, vibrant, violently beautiful and pure poetry, so the great new texts of the new universal mysticism will be the great mystical poets, will be Rumi, will be Kabir, will be Hildegard of Bingen, and Hadewijch of Antwerp.

Thal:                 

William Blake.

Andrew Harvey:          

William Blake, absolutely…and Rabiah. These are the great sacred, humble prophets of this new universal mysticism. This has always been known in the great sacred cultures. In India there are the Sanskrit Brahmans who love to quote the text, but what did the people of India love? They loved the songs of Kabir. What does the shopkeepers sing? They sing the upanishads. They sing Kabir because they want the raw pure naked, they need it because they’re living very difficult lives and sometimes it’s threatened lives and talking to them about the upanishads is not going to help them. What will help them in the most visceral way is that raw pure, absolutely bare poetry of a great mystic like Kabir. Who is their buddy. They can feel him go through everything that they’re going through and still goes through and they can vibrate with that. So you if you’re in India, in Benaras, for example, I remember one morning relatively recently going to the shop around the corner where I used buy my soap with this wonderful old woman and we became great friends and she in the morning would sing me Kabir. She was a very poor and she would tell me, you know, Kabir has helped me live my life. I know that everything is God. I know I have no money. I may not have money for my evening meal, but because of my singing of this magnificent holy brother of mine that is Kabir, I can get through anything. She told me that and that’s what so many people experience. Poetry has that divine gift.

Thal:                 

I was just listening to the late Mary Oliver, I think she just passed away two weeks ago or three. She said something about the role of religion. She said, well, religion is there to remind us that we cannot rely on our will but then the dogma comes in and flattens out everything and reduce it and it’s reductionistic much like a very staunch secular view is also reductionistic. Anything that is one side of something is reductionistic and…

Andrew Harvey:          

Poetry is all sides altogether.

Thal:                 

Exactly. Exactly.

Andrew Harvey:          

In a human experience that is non-judgmental that accepts all the pain and all the joy. That accepts all the struggle.

Thal:                 

The paradox of life.

Andrew Harvey:          

The great mystical poets are our best friends, they are the best friends you could ever have on your life journey.

Thal:                 

It’s where I go to when I feel alone. It is my world. I love it. Mystical poetry.

Andrew Harvey:           

Well you know that you’re not alone when you are sitting with Rumi or Kabir. These guys have been through everything. They’re with you right now and they will give you the consolation, the wisdom you need. In Iran, you know, they love Hafiz most of all. They say Hafez is the greatest of all the poets, even greater than Rumi.

Thal:                 

He’s powerful.

Andrew Harvey:          

What they do when they’re feeling miserable or alone or in front of a very difficult judgement, they pray and they open Hafiz. They’ve discovered that it is some kind of an oracle.

Thal:                 

I actually do that trick too.

Andrew Harvey:          

I do it with Rumi and Hafiz and it never fails. They are there present completely as a complete divine human beings, speaking intimately to us, and they can help us in ways that even the greatest scriptures can’t help us.

Thal:                 

I believe that…

Andrew Harvey:          

It’s all about friendship now you see, I think that when we really understand as human beings what friendship is capable of, what great friends can feel and do and experience together.

Thal:                 

Sacred friendship.

Andrew Harvey:          

We understand the full glory of what the poets ask because truly they are our deepest secret friends.

Thal:                 

In fact, that is one of the main messages within the Sufi tradition. The sacred aspect of friendship and communion and sisterhood and brotherhood and all of it.

Andrew Harvey:          

Isn’t that the deepest meaning of Shams and Rumi’s relationship? Nobody really understood their relationahip. Some thought they were physical lovers. That’s not true. Some foods that they were just buddies. That’s not true. Some people thought they were master and disciple. That’s not true because they were each master and each disciple. All of those previous definitions vanish when the true glory of friendship appears because they clearly loved each other, heart, mind, soul, and body. It was total love, but it was love that vibrated from the depths of the heart and included the whole field of the being. That’s friendship and we we’re just beginning to begin to begin to begin to understand what friendship can be.

Thal:                 

The tip of the iceberg,

Andrew Harvey:          

How wonderful, yeah. This is what awaits the human race if we can only stop committing suicide and matricide. It awaits the revelation of universal mysticism, the revelation of fundamental bond of sacred friendship between all beings gay, straight, lesbian acrobats, drunks in the street. Who cares? They’re human. They’re alive. They are our friends potentially.

Thal:                 

It’s fear. It’s ego. It’s, ah! These are the things that need to break.

Andrew Harvey:         

It’s fear because you might suddenly find yourself embracing a dirty old drunk by the side of the street as your long lost brother that would scare you, but that’s truth. Jesus is talking about the same kind of love. He says, “greater Love hath no man than the man who lays down his life for his friends.” That’s the whole meaning of the mystical path to lay down your life for your friends so that your friends can taste the splendor of God through the life you lead and come into their own unique splendor and live it out with their own unique joy and then you can encourage them in that they can tune you and you can tune them and a lot of fun is had by all. We’re frightened of joy more than anything else. You know that’s what’s so scary. People say that they are scared of suffering, but if you really look deeply into yourself, what you’re really scared of is love and really scared of joy.

You might find yourself loving all kinds of unlikely people, even people who you before you thought were your enemies or just having mad destructive views. You might suddenly find yourself feeling overwhelming compassion for Trump, for example, which will deeply annoy some of your liberal friends. It’s actually part of the geat beauty.

Thal:                 

It is part of the paradox.

Andrew Harvey:          

It is part of the paradox, but it doesn’t mean you hate him. You oppose his policies but it does not mean you hate him because you see the pain behind all the madness that can destroy the planet, but it doesn’t mean you have to hate him. Why should you hate him? Hate the policies, do everything you can to unnerve those policies, but never find yourself in the place of hating any humanbeing because they are still, however battered, the image of God. You have to keep that as a lover of God … that truth.

Thal:                 

Keeping in mind our listeners, I’m thinking when we’re talking about this type of energy and being sort of possessed with this radical love.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yes, yes! I love that…possessed by this radical love. She speaks as a poet. That’s why poetry is so important because you said it in a phrase. That’s the intensity of being, isn’t it?

Thal:                 

Thank you. I have to say it. I’m going to say it today, sometimes it’s my own fear and you know how I’m perceived by others that I sometimes have to tone down that side of myself. Working with Adrian, right now, I’m slowly not going to tone down that down anymore.

Andrew Harvey:        

This is the time of the empowered women. We need women like you to speak fearlessly, to sing out your truth. I need it. Every single man, however, evolved on this planet, needs to hear the voices of wild, empowered holy women. Be one of those. Don’t be frightened. I will tell you a story, which is one of my favorite stories, happened to me when I lived in Paris. I had a great friend. She was a Countess and she was a Coke addict, unfortunately, but she was the most luminous, wild, fearless person I ever knew. She was in her seventies and I was in my thirties. We were inseparable and she would take me to these glamorous dinner parties. Her favorite thing was to go off into the bathroom, smoke some coke, and come back to the table and tell everybody the truth about themselves at the table. Appallingly truthful.

One day the whole of France was sitting around this table. I mean the President was there, Yves Saint Laurent was there. It was a very grand party. She had known them all their lives, so she knew what a corrupt load of wankers they really were those people. She went from one to the other and she just said, you have been so selfish and narcissistic in the way… Look at the world, it’s burning because all you’ve wanted is power. She was possessed by sacred rage. It was tearing her apart. She went around and then the guy next to her who happened to be the head of (inaduble) said, “Helen, you are too much.” She quick as a whip said, “patron and you have never been enough.”

Thal:                 

Those words were used as a form of abuse, really. “You are too much.”

Andrew Harvey:          

She was not too much. She was agonizingly struggling to be totally real. She was on a quest for total authenticity and that made her to me heart-rendingly beautiful and a great, great teacher and I didn’t judge her. If I had been inside her mind, I would have been dead 30 years before. It was amazing that she was alive with what she knew and she loved me passionately. I loved her passionately. Seeing the way in which somebody who is possessed of radical love is treated made me really make the choice that I would never, ever silence my passion. You have to choose the passion of the truth and you have to let the chips fall where they may because what you’ll discover is that the real people will come to you.

Thal:                 

I am already seeing that…

Andrew Harvey:          

If you have five real friends in this world who are authentic, that’s everything. You don’t need 100 acquaintances. You need those five and they can’t come to you until you’re completely real yourself or trying to be. That’s the great truth. You know that, don’t you?

Thal:                 

I do, actually.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, so everybody out there who is frightened about being their real selves. Stop it! It’s time to tell the truth. It’s time, do it with dignity, do it with courtesy, but do it because even when people resist you, if you do it with force of your whole personality, you will shift something in them and three or four days later or maybe five years later, they will shift. At this time we can’t afford not to be radically passionate about life because the world is being destroyed and we have to speak up and we have to be ragged and we have to call people to account. We have to most of all call ourselves to account and we have to engage together in the sometimes painful, difficult, uncomfortable process because we’ve all got to get much more honest, much more real to get going together. Just do whatever we can to stop the human race. Committing suicide and matricide.

Thal:                 

We’ve done the physical destruction, the environmental destruction, destruction of ideas, and now it’s our psyche that we need to salvage.

Andrew Harvey:           

Well, Jung said the history of humanity is hanging by a thread and that thread is the the thread of the psyche. Well, that thread is fraying and now tiny little bits are left and the frays altogether, the world’s finished. Every animal will die. Every plant will die. We will die. The seas by 2049, the major scientists say, will have no, no fish in it. I was talking to a very important, I wish I could say his name, but it was a private conversation last week. He’s probably one of the world’s leading scientists with the men’s (inaudible) and he said that the recent report of the UN, which said we have 12 years is not true. We have seven years and a lot of information is being deliberately kept back from the public, the powers that have control over the the information are terrified that when the public really knows what’s really happening, there would be madness and riots on the street. That’s where we really are. We’re about to go through a massive 50 gigaton burst of methane from from the melting Tundra in the Arctic, which has been keeping back a lot of methane gas and it’s now warming up and it’s going to release more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than has been released since the beginning of the industrial revolution. We have no idea what’s this going to mean? This is very sobering, but my belief is that we don’t need to be paralyzed by this. We need to be activated by this and not by rage, but by joy, by love for everybody, our friends, our family, animals, and that love has to be experienced in rawness and then lived in sacred action. That’s why I’ve devoted my life to what I call sacred activism, to help people experience this deep, embodied, passionate, raw love that is divine love for each other and for everything, and then realize that love is not completely real until its become active.

 If you weren’t doing this podcast out of pure love, you wouldn’t be real. You’d still be having emotions and indulging in your emotions, but you have put yourself out there so bravely. That’s sacred activism, that’s stepping up that’s saying, not in a bossy way, saying that we care and we want you to care and we want to hear how you care. We want to help you care more and so that we can care more so that we can come together more to do more together to really wake the human race up and give people hope and energy in a time of despair so that instead of being paralyzed by this exploding crisis, we use it in the deepest sense to get real, get down and get going. So there’s a huge birth taking place and we’re part of it. You and I and the people listening to this are a part a bit, and we can do this together.

Adrian:             

Can you talk more about radical embodiment because it is a thread that I’m hearing in Kabir’s poetry and what you’re saying right now, this is not intellectualizing our way out of the mess it is.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s what created the mess.

Adrian:             

It is not an ascending path. It sounds like it’s a dissent. It’s coming down.

Andrew Harvey:          

It’s both.

Adrian:             

What I was just going to say, what I heard last night when you were talking was to experience the ecstasy, but to bring that into the ordinary life and that sort of that downward energy, bringing it into the body and through our actions is how we’re going to be able to get get through to the next, to the other side of this evolution.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s so beautiful. I’m so glad you heard that because what’s happening in a lot of New Age spirituality is that we are using the ecstasy as a drug to leave being here to get out of being here and to go to some other where this is disembodied ungrounded spirituality. It’s actually a higher form of narcissism and it’s very dangerous because it’s using the highest experience for not the highest ends, the real way as it’s been shown us, by the great prophets and the great embodied divine mystics such as Jesus and the Prophet, peace be upon him, and Rumi and Kabir and other great women masters like Teresa of Avila. The real way is to allow yourself to experience that ecstasy, and be taken to the source of life itself that is ecstatic love and ecstatic joy and then through opening completely allow that ecstasy and that joy to irradiate your mind, to come down into the depths of your heart and open your heart completely to its presence in every living thing and every flea and in every stone.

 The ecstatic light is actually the source of everything. Everything is crystalized light energy and this is what quantum physics is discovering now, so science and mysticism are revealing the same paradoxical, amazing reality that everything is energy, light-energy, then, and this is what the embodied mystics tell us, the great masters of embodiment and Jesus is one of them, and the Prophet, peace be upon him is another and Kabir is another. Then it needs to come down into the depths of the body itself because the body is secretly crystalized light-energy also in experiencing that in the depths of your cells, grounds you, makes you strong, makes you powerful, makes your love real and that love cannot be completely real and completely the embodied until it is acted on in a passion for justice and in a compassionate passion of love towards all beings.

Not just human beings, but animals, insects, everything. That’s the complete human divine experience and that’s the one that is struggling to be born against immense odds on the earth and actually our crisis which seems so horrific and is so horrific, is perfectly designed to be the birthing canal of this because nothing else could possibly work in our situation. When you’re in increasingly that state of radical love embodied in the mind and embodied in the heart, embodied in the body and embodied in real sacred action based on your own deepest talents and your deepest abilities. You don’t care whether somebody is a Muslim or a Hindu or a Christian or an atheist. You don’t care whether they agree with you or don’t agree with you. You all you see is that the world is dying and that you need to put love into action in your own unique way with your great heart friends and that that’s the only game in town.

That is the most important possible thing that you could do with your life at this moment. When you get that, it actually gives you enormous joy and peace and strength and passionate energy. Even in the middle of all of this despair, so you instead of being somebody who gets despairing and paralyzed and adds to the problem, you become someone who takes water to the thirsty, who can go to visit a friend who’s going through a massive depression because they feel that they can’t do anything and say, don’t be fooled by the fact that the world may be ending. Don’t let that depress you. Don’t let that stop you discovering who you really are. Join me. We’ll do it together. I’ll help you get catch flame with eternal joy and we will do something fabulous together and we’ll make creative projects together and even if it all goes and it might, we won’t have wasted our lives because we will have lived our lives in joy and peace and resilience and passion and really found meaning and above all have loved each other, truly.

Thal:                 

In a way that’s piercing through the veils to get to the gem…living that way. When we are talking about sacred activism and spiritual bypass in the New Age movements. It’s also important to recognize that there is a lot of problematic things happening within activism too.

Andrew Harvey:          

What would you say they were?

Thal:                 

Well, it’s the sacred aspect is missing.

Andrew Harvey:          

What does that lead to in your opinion in activism?

Thal:                 

A lot of reactionary behavior and a lot of ego inflation.

Adrian:             

And not acknowledging the shadow or integrating it because that is where the gifts come from. I mean, we talk about the light coming out of the darkness. But if we don’t acknowledge it, if you don’t even talk about it, then we’re being very naive about the situation.

Andrew Harvey:          

And we’re in a way indulging in self-righteousness and making ourselves feel good by denouncing other people. You know, the traditional mystics have had the shadow of wanting to go off into the light and not be here in relationships and responsibilities to the real world. That’s been the shadow of all the patriarchal mystical systems. The activists as they’ve evolved have had the shadow of self-righteousness, of blaming others, of wanting to feel above the others because they’ve got the real skinny and everybody else is just hopelessly deluded. Both are afflicted by profound kinds of narcissism and very dangerous kinds of narcissism. The danger of the mystics narcissism is that it is drained this world a bit sacred significance. It’s demonized the body. It’s made relationships part of illusion instead of the place where we learn so many wholly and important truths. It’s made a world in which animals are treated as inferior to us because we’re supposed to have the superior consciousness with the disastrous genocidal results that we see.

That’s the responsibility of those mystics who got addicted to transcendence, but the activists have also got a tremendous responsibility for the darkness of this situation because instead of really staying humble and loving and compassionate while pursuing just courses, they have been very often beacons of ego-ridden jostling amongst themselves and also deep self-righteousness so that they put off people who would otherwise want to join them. Who would want to be somebody who is self-righteously demonizing and denouncing every other human being that doesn’t agree with them. Every normal human being knows that that’s not the way so activists are their own worst enemies. The amazing thing is, and this is where sacred activism is so important, is that you if bring the best of the mystic, which is the passion to unite with God, it’s source of reality together with the best of the activist, the passion to uphold the truth of justice, which is a noble holy passion and don’t deny activists that they do have that.If you bring them together, then you have a whole truth. You have people who are deeply grounded and rooted in the sacred, humbled before the sacred, deeply aware that they need to constantly vigilantly work on their selfishness, on their self-rightousneess, on their desire to demonize others instead of recognizing others as aspects of themselves and you have people committed to putting the sacred into living wise, focused radical action. And that’s the new kind of human being that’s been born now, and it cannot be born either through the old mystic way or through the old activist way, but it can be born through this mysterious fusion that happens and we’ve seen it work. Gandhi was that kind of person. Gandhi’s genius was that he didn’t demonize the British. He knew exactly how dangerous the British were… I come from an imperial family. I was born to an imperial family, I have got the scars on my psyche to prove it, so I know how dangerous the British were…

Gandhi’s genius was to say to the British, I honor you, I don’t hate you. I just think that you’re not living up to your own deepest principles because you’re telling us that you’re the apostles of democracy and freedom. Whereas the democracy in India and where is the freedom in India? So that was amazing because the British would have been a lot more comfortable had Gandhi been demonizing them all the time. He made them deeply uncomfortable because he held up a mirror to them of their own deepest principles. And then very tenderly said to them, I honor these principles, they’ve changed my life, but where are you acting on them? And he then brought in a whole extraordinary system of the profound sacred activism, which was called Satyagraha, soul force, which was a commitment to nonviolent resistance. It wasn’t just sitting passive and praying.

They would go out in the streets and risk their lives, but they would never fight back because they knew that fighting back could activate tremendous violence and that violence of any kind would lead to more violence. Over time, this astounding practice unseated the biggest empire, the most powerful empire the world has ever seen. So it works. We’ve seen it work. We saw it work too with Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King said to the whites, are you crazy? You’re supposed to believe in Jesus and you’re treating your black brothers and sisters like worse than dogs. He said to the blacks, I know why you hate the whites, but the way through is never the way of hatred. We have to love our white brothers. Both resisted him until they realized that he was holding the mystery of the authentic Christ consciousness. That’s why Martin Luther King has been such a source of inspiration and that’s why America hasn’t yet there may still descend into a bloodbath because Martin said to both sides, we’ve got to go forward to honoring the truth of love in action. We’ve seen it work in Poland with Lech Wałęsa, nonviolent resistance fortified by deep spiritual strength works to unseat terrifying difficulties if it’s put into practice by people who are disciplined, humble, constantly working on their shadow, and constantly constantly opening up deeper and deeper to divine love. This is the only thing that can work in a situation like ours for the simple reason is that the dark has all the power. If we get violent and crazy, they’ll just shoot us in the streets. They will get rid of us in a second. Why wouldn’t they but if we rise from the depths of our truth together, loving, even the perpetrators and the tyrants, even extending love and hope and possibility to them, constantly saying to them, why do you choose this miserable lust for power when you could be living the life of the illumined heart? Why do you choose your Malibu mansions with their fortresses when you could actually be dancing with us in the dance halls of ecstasy? Why do you choose a narrow life rooted in selfishness when you could live the life of expansive truth?

Thal:                 

Andrew, you bring up so many important issues that are at the heart of what’s happening nowadays. I don’t even know what to say but there are so many things that are charged out there. As we’re speaking, people are having twitter wars, Internet wars, on the issues that you brought up. I think part of the path is shadow work, not I think, it is part of the path. Shadow work includes also the psychological aspects. In a way it’s the merging of the psychological and the spiritual. We have to recognize, too, that people do carry their individual traumas and if people don’t address those individual wounds then they create some of the thickest veils and it’s just wallowing in narcissistic wounding and just perpetuating…

Andrew Harvey:          

Haven’t you done that yourself?

Thal:                 

I have and that’s where I’m speaking from.

Andrew Harvey:          

I think it’s important to say that yes, I think you we all are attempted, like you said, you had this period of dogma.

Thal:                 

Exactly.

Andrew Harvey:          

That is because you were wounded and you needed certainty and you needed to get out of your wound too soon.

Thal:                 

I needed clear answers and it was a comfort.

Adrian:             

We were just saying this morning that at the time was a shield for you, protected you, but it became your prison. There has to be a time that we are ready to let go of the shield.

Andrew Harvey:          

Maybe that is what you’re feeling too in this rawness, you’ve had the shield of secularism and now that’s going. We all have shields and they’re created out of our trauma. There is this amazing teacher. I hope you know him. His name is Jeff Brown and he’s just about to produce this incredible book called Grounded Spirituality. And Jeff has an extraordinarily rich and detailed and profound vision of how we really need to pay attention to the traumas and the physical blocks that make us addicts of certainty that is disembodied because otherwise we will never get to a place where we’re just human beings, ragged human beings in an endless process, helping each other through love and through communion grow in this amazing experience. It is divine human life, but that takes a lot of work. It is painful to confront the pain of the past and it’s very humbling journey.

Thal:                 

I also want to mention that we need to recognize that what we’re talking about is not reaching a perfected states. That we will still care about the little things in life and that that’s part of the path. It’s okay to want the finer things in life and that’s okay too…It doesn’t mean rejecting everything.

Andrew Harvey:

Oh no, that’s part of the patriarchal separation too, isn’t it? It’s more than that. We are looking for wholeness, not perfection, only the Divine is perfect. As Jesus says, you know, as someone is trying to praise him. He says, oh, stop it. You know, my righteousness is as rags before the Lord. If you don’t know that about yourself, you know nothing and it makes you pompous and the secret guru trying to lord it over others and that’s catastrophe. In fact, those failings or what we call failings keep us human. When you suddenly want to get crazy and angry at somebody and you stop it, I hope, but then you realize, oh my God, I’ve got to be vigilant on this side of myself and I’ve got to explore more the wound that comes from this.

Thal:                 

Yes, there goes my anger. There goes my jealousy. There it goes like these things don’t go away. It’s part of being human.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, but you do get modest with some of them and you do get really clearer and clearer indications of where they come from on the torment of your past, and that is the beginning of liberation because instead of indulging them, you can look at them compassionately. You could even have compassion for yourself getting angry because you realize that that was because you were locked in a room, or your mother abandoned you, or you were treated like garbage. So you can be the mother to your own self and slowly, slowly those bursts will get less and more and more controlled. You will have, not in a patriarchal way, but in a wave of compassionate restraint of the dark in yourself, and this is a phenomenally, that makes you really happy when that starts to happen and that’s the great advantage of living to an older age. You will think, oh yes, I’m not condemned to be me all the time, I can expand this. I don’t have to act as I did in the past. It can be changed.

Thal:                 

When I tell some of my friends, I actually can’t wait to grow older. I’m hoping that some of my neuroses will diminish as I grew older. Hopefully.

Andrew Harvey:          

And they may become more fruitful. It wouldn’t probably diminish, but you’d be able to be more compassionate towards them.

Thal:                 

Sometimes it feels like when will this go away? When will this anger go away?

Andrew Harvey:          

Anger is not wrong, it is, part of patriarchy has be to say that anger is always wrong. Anger is sometimes the sacred passion in you waking up. It’s conscience speaking. It’s saying, this has got to stop without transformed anger. We can’t go forward if you’re just angry. We demonize, but if we’re not angry, we can be very passive in the face of massive injustice. The trick is to find sacred anger. Jesus was angry at amazing moments when the moment when he overturned the tables in the temple, but his anger was a gift to those who were doing that garbage because he was saying to them, is this what you’re going to try and do? Sell God in the temple? Are you out of your minds? He was trying to help them. He was trying to reach them. He was not trying to kill them. He was trying to break through that complacency and they agreed to reveal the possibilities of a much larger life. I’ve seen the Dalai Lama wildly angry. I mean, you may find that amazing because the Dalai Lama is so beautiful and so, but the Dalai Lama has sacred anger. Every great teacher has to have sacred anger and every great human being has to have it, but it has to purify the sources of that anger, so it becomes the anchor of truth and not the expression of neurosis.

Adrian:             

That’s the title. Turn Me to Gold. The transformation. The dark with the goal emerging from the dark.

Andrew Harvey:          

The great discovery of the path of embodiment is that it isn’t the light alone that does the work. The dark is also sacred. Your lust is sacred. Your anger is sacred, not as they are in their raw state, but as they will be. When lust is turned into a passion to communicate and to reach out, and when anger into a clear voice of truth, calling people to sacred action, that’s the turning to gold so you don’t reject things because you can’t get rid of them. You can amputate these things that belong to you because the light and the dark meant to dance inside you. What you can do through increasing experience of light is strong in clarity so that you will know the difference in your lust between the lust for power and the deep passion to reach out and communicate and you’ll choose the second, not only because it’s the right thing to do, but because it gives you more joy and it doesn’t end in suffering and that is a very subtle operation, but it can happen, but it has to happen through being compassionate to yourself.

 You have to be compassionate to why you are so wounded in some ways, but you have not got to have idiot compassion and just say, well, I was wounded so therefore I have absolutely every right to be as angry as I want. You’ve got to start working with your anger and neither reject it nor embrace embrace it, but work with the mystery to transmute it into golden anger, the golden anger of Rumi, the golden Anger of Shams, the golden anger of the Prophet, peace be upon him, the golden anger of Jesus, the golden gorgeous lion anger of Kabir, my God, that majesty of Jalal, isn’t it?

Adrian:             

I’m mindful of time and I want to make sure that you get a chance to share. We’re mindful also of young listeners, young seekers out there. I mean, right now we’re talking to a living legend and elder, you know, is there anything that you feel is really important that they hear right now? You know, the young generation, the next generation of activists that you would like to get across.

Andrew Harvey:         

I think the most important thing that I could say to you is that the most single important thing that you need is a simple daily spiritual practice because you’re going into the most profound crisis that humanity has ever faced. I believe in you. I believe in the strength in you. I believe in the courage that you have. I think you are amazing, but I want you to be shielded by deep spiritual knowledge. I want you to be balanced in the depth of yourself because you’re going to need that knowledge and that piece and that strength so much because there were many defeats before, great victories and you need to be able to endure those defeats without losing your hope, and you can only endure the defeats that are inevitable because this, the people in power, the dark forces in power and they are dark.They are not going to yield easily.However, right you are…however, beautiful you’re actions are. They going to hold onto power and they are going to be very unscrupulous and contribute to a great deal of suffering. So prepare yourselves without being afraid and know that if you do deep spiritual practice in faith, you will be given unimaginable strength and unimaginable power and over time your deepest impulses will become realized and you will be the pioneers, wholly new way of being and doing everything. If you want the most beautiful possible statement of this, read the Dalai Lama’s new book, which is addressed to you from the holiest man on the planet and the wisest man on the planet who’s really lived through everything. It’s called a call for revolution and it’s a magnificent statement of everything I’ve just said. He says it from the authority of his absolutely amazing life and he says it with such humanity and such belief in you.

I share his belief. The other thing that’s very important, I think now is to realize that it can only be done by all of us together. You need us and we need you. You need to listen to the old ones who’ve been through a great deal and who have certain marvelous things to share with you. I know you must think our generation is catastrophically self-absorbed and I don’t blame you because the baby boomers so signally failed you, but there’ve been some of us who have known this throughout this long orgie of greed and we’ve been fighting in the trenches. Sometimes I’d say very painfully and unsuccessfully for a long time, but some of us have come to a place of resolution and real joy and real knowledge and we have priceless things to share with you and what you have to give us is you. Your beauty, your intelligence, your passion, your incredible desire to change this world and between you and us, we can help and then stick the world wake up. Don’t abandon your elders and don’t go with the boring old elders who think they know anything. Go with the elders who are really on fire with love and wanted to give you the very best of what they know in the very best way because we all are ready to serve you, to help you to be at your feet, to give you everything we know, because we know you’re going to need every bit and what we know to go forward and be the pioneers of the new.

Thal:                 

Uh, wow. Thank you so much.

Adrian:             

Thank you so much. Thank you. Bless your soul.

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, I’m here and I’m not the only one, obviously. There are lots of us out here who are absolutely crazy about you and want to be of help to you and want to learn your language to be of help to you because we were brought up in a different language and are prepared to listen deeply to find out how we can translate what we know into ways that you can get, but we’ve learned timeless truths and it’s cost us our many nights of pain and heartbreak. Don’t waste our suffering because it’s born this in us and we want to give it to you because you are going to go through even greater suffering and you will need it.

Adrian:             

Thank you for paving the way. I mean just to activate, to break the inertia to get things going.

Andrew Harvey:        

That was my job. That was the job of our generation. There are many of us on the planet now and we’re ready to help and it was a terrible job because it’s been the most appalling suffering. Seeing my generation conspired with the death of the planet through greed and vanity and the New Age garbage and all the rest of it, but it has woken some of us up and it has given us absolute resolution to continue until we die as sacred activist. I’m not retired. I’m not giving up even if I’m in a wheelchair, I’ll be speaking truth to power. There’s one nun and I met who’s 95 called sister Rosa. Oh my God.

She’s in a wheelchair and she lives in Ohio and every time everything goes bad in Ohio. Sister Rosa wheels herself to wherever it’s going bad and she talks to the cameras and she just lays it on them. You cannot imagine she’s not giving up. I’m not giving up. I’ll be there until the end with you, so will all of us who are like me and who really know that everything is at stake now, but also everything is possible in an unimaginable way.

Thal:                 

May we be ready to receive.

Andrew Harvey:          

And may we be ready to listen and ready to truly hold all the young in our arms and really instead, not from a position of superiority, but from a position of deep compassion.

Thal:                 

From a position of mutuality?

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, we need each other. Yeah. I’m bored to death with the baby boomers and most people between 35 and 70 seem to be dead at this moment. They bought into the corporate mess, so the people are going to really shift this. There are some amazing people in their forties. I must say who are waking up, but it’s the young who are going to carry the horror.

Thal:                 

I am actually 37.

Andrew Harvey:          

You know what I’m talking about. They bought the let’s go out and make money and eat, drink and lets marry. Everything’s ending. We can’t do anything. Let’s just sit in our yachts and watch the world burn. This is a sick and decadent response and I have nothing. There’s nothing you can do with those people except hope God bashes them on the head with a saucepan.

Adrian:             

The bitch slap,

Andrew Harvey:          

Of course God is capable of that, so some of them may wake up and be amazing radicals soon. You never know anything can happen, so nobody’s left out of our embrace, but the chances are slim in the cases of most of the people, but the younger in this state of confusion and despair, which is a very fertile state for true transformation. Now we need to really give them everything we can to help encourage that and the poetry of Kabir and the poetry of Turn Me To Gold and the poetry of Rumi will be such a wonderful way to do that and music and dance, which are the traditional ways anyway, because the Bushman used that. I think young people are much more likely to be inspired by poetry and sacred music and sacred dance, sacred physical activity like sacred yoga than they are to be by people pontificating them about religious platitudes and dogmas. They know all that stuff is horse manure. They want the real stuff. They want the real experience and some of us who are not yet in wheelchairs who can actually help them arrive there. So count me in.

Adrian:             

You can dance in your wheelchair too. So that’s fine.

Andrew Harvey:          

I know I can. I know lots of people who do actually.

Thal:                 

Can you recite one of Kabir’s poems as a closing?

Andrew Harvey:       

Absolutely. What shall I do? I will recite the first poem I ever heard from him, which is still my favorite of his poems actually. Whenever I try to look for a poem in my book, it hides from me. This is Kabir’s game you see. It’s such an incredible poem. Oh, so beautiful. This is for all of you young people. I hope you. I hope you can hear it in such a way that you realize this is truth speaking and this is your truth. This is what if you take the path humbly, you will found out I found this out and I was crazy as a loon when I was young and didn’t believe in anything but life brought me to my knees and I opened my heart to the beloved. The beloved took me to awakening, so if it’s possible for me. It’s possible for you. Go for it.

The beloved is in me and the beloved is in you. As life is hidden in every seed, so rubble your pride, my friend, and look for him within you. When I sit in the heart of his world, a million suns blaze with light, a burning blue seas spreads across the sky. Life’s turmoil, falls quiet. All the stains of suffering wash away. Listen to the unstruck bells and drums. Love is here. Plunge into its rapture. Rain’s poured down without water rivers are streams of light. How could I ever express how blessed I feel to revel in such fast ecstasy in my own body? This is the music of soul and soul meeting, of the forgetting of all grief. This is the music that transcends all coming and going.

 Kabir is not escaping into ecstasy. Kabir is embodying that ecstasy and then living out a life of profound, beautiful service to all beings grounded in that joy. There is a way to stay in that joy, my dear friends, even in the middle of the crumbling and burning up the world. Find that way. You’re going to need it, and if you find that way and act from that, miracles will happen. Just wait and see.

Adrian:             

Thank you so much, Andrew, to be continued.

Andrew Harvey:         

 I hope so. You’re beautiful people. I’m honored to be with you. Thank you. God bless you.

#9: Pockets of Silence with Aryne Sheppard

Slowing down and sitting with silence seems to be the antithesis of our modern life. However, the reality of our lives or what we have deemed as reality is often incongruent with our nature. With this week’s episode, we dive into the importance of cultivating silence.

Our guest, Aryne Sheppard, has been a Vipassana meditator since 1999. Following, a major mental health crisis in her twenties, Aryne shares with us how she discovered the power of inner exploration. Currently, Aryne continues to juggle her modern life as an educator and counselor while attending regular silent retreats every six months. She holds an MA in Philosophy and an MA in Adult Education specializing in Transformative Learning. Aryne has been working in the areas of personal growth and wellness, leadership development, and counseling for over 12 years.

We hope this week’s episode inspires to find your own pockets of silence!

Highlights:

  • 20 Years of Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreat Experience
  • How Silence Supports Creativity
  • Tips for ‘Re-entry’ After a Silent Retreat
  • Why Cultivate Silence in a Noisy World

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired By This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal

Welcome Aryne, welcome to the show.

Aryne

Thank you for having me.

Thal

Yeah. When did you start meditating?

Aryne

I started when I was 25, so about 20 years ago, but I would say silence was a big part of my life even before then. And I think that’s why meditation was drawing me for a long time.

Thal

And, and so, when did you incorporate then silence in your life?

Aryne

Yeah, it’s a good question and I don’t know if I’ve really thought about it exactly, but I remember spending a lot of time on my own as a child and I was always very comfortable in my own company, you know, in, back then of course there wasn’t as much tv or media and so I did spend a lot of time outside as most kids did, a lot of time in my own imagination. And there was always part of me that was, that was kind of always seeking something, although I wouldn’t have known what it was at the time. I was not raised in a religious family, even a spiritually oriented family, but I was drawn to these kinds of big questions about life. And what it was all about and just seeing the suffering and it was always kind of trying to understand why. And I think that was really my, my, that was the magnet. I think that I ended up finding the answers in silence.

Thal

Do you think it’s the silence then that took you towards meditation?

Aryne

I think so. I mean they’re, you know, like so many of us when you’re in your early twenties, it really is a time of finding out who you are and exploring. In my life that was kind of when there really was this crisis of identity. What I would probably call now looking back an early midlife crisis. An existential crisis of sorts where I was just kind of stopped and I think the interesting thing is I ended up coming out of it through silence. I think I had been trying to find the answers and kind of all the normal ways through study, through academics, through reading, talking, thinking, and it really wasn’t getting me anywhere. Eventually I had really nothing left. I have to kind of find a new direction and that was silence.

Adrian

When you mentioned silence, so are we talking about periods of not speaking or as well as in combination with reduction of external noise, you’re not listening to the sounds or what do you mean by silence?

Aryne

Yeah, good question, certainly not talking is a big part of it and certainly in meditation the not talking is a huge part of that practice, but I think the real definition of silence for me is silence inside. It’s so it’s when kind of all the mental machinery slows down and ideally when it stops. So, you know, in nature being on your own, being in a quiet space helps. But I think silence is something that you cultivate on the inside as much as you do on the outside, the changes the external environment you create for yourself. Supports the inner silence. I would say

Thal

You mentioned something about an early midlife crisis. So was that the point where you formally incorporated meditation?A

Aryne

Well, I think I had been on my way there for a while. I remember maybe when it was about 20, I really struggled with depression and eating problems and I was kind of drawn to this monastery and I used to go there for silent weekends and I found it very healing. It wasn’t enough at that point, but I, you know, I would spend time with Jesuits in the Franciscan monks in Ireland and being a non-religious person that seems like a strange thing to do, but those big, beautiful churches were so quiet and I found that was the only place I could find some peace and I think that kind of put me on that road towards formal meditation, which I ended up starting a little bit later, after meeting my spiritual teacher and she really helped me understand what silence on the inside was. Not just an external environment that you visit.

Adrian

Does an early experience come to mind, sort of your first taste or glimpse of a quiet internal landscape during that time when you’re just starting?

Aryne

Yeah, I mean even earlier, certainly. I was fortunate to grow up in a family that really loved nature and camping and those early experiences in nature, you know, the kind of archetypal sitting around the campfire, which is so much part of the human DNA. There was something very beautiful about that and you could feel everything quiet down inside when you’re out under the big sky around a campfire and that kind of sense of perspective where you start tuning into context rather than the content of what’s in your mind. I think I have those early imprints in my experience and I found that’s what I get through the formal meditation, which again, I started about age 25 and it felt very much like coming home. My very first course I sat down and you know, it can be a kind of a scary experience your first time entering in to a long period of silence where you’re not talking to anybody. It felt like, oh, this is where I’ve always meant to be. It was meant to be for sure.

Adrian

Aryne, you mentioned you started working with a spiritual teacher. What was that like as you were just beginning these practices and what was the teaching?

Aryne

Yeah, her name is Viola Fidor and she is a psychotherapist, but really in my mind, she is a spiritual teacher. She is one of these rare kind of psychological geniuses, like Eckhart Tolle were just in her presence, you feel different. There’s something palpably different about her energy and I think what she showed me being somebody who is very confident of my intellect, you know, I had a very strong analytical mind and it was always trying to figure things out and trying to understand, you know, in my head what I probably could never understand with my head. I think that was her biggest lesson and she’d always kind of sit there with this very small smile. As I was telling her, I understand the world, I’ve studied science, I studied philosophy, I kinda get it and she just kind of nod patiently, asked me to be open minded and she kind of gave me this practice of just quiet time. It wasn’t even formal meditation. It really was finding ways that you could slow down inside, kind of tap into that kind of deep inner pool of quiet that’s in all of us. That’s when things started to shift because I met her of course in a time of deep suffering in my own life and I had no where else to go at that point. I kind of tried every strategy my mind could come up with. I had read everything. I had run out of willpower literally. I was literally stopped in my life and silence was kind of the doorway that I never, I guess, at least in my head, I didn’t realize it was always there waiting for me and I think I just needed a little nudge and things shifted very quickly after that. So yeah, I do kind of credit her with probably the biggest transformation in my life at probably age 24.

Adrian

You went to her with symptoms of depression at the time, was that what the suffering?

Aryne

Yeah. Depression and an eating disorder. Yeah. I had been struggling for probably about five or six years on and off, you know, at different levels of seriousness, but at a certain point it really kind of stopped me in my tracks. I was in grad school at the time and it got to the point where I wouldn’t leave the house. It did reach a point where I wasn’t coping, you know, in for many years, nobody really knew I was struggling because I could kind of put on a facade and like many of us do, you get through life and nobody knows what’s going on in the inside, but at a certain point I literally couldn’t move in my life and that’s when I ended up at her doorstep quite literally.

Thal

There was no resistance on your part in terms of like when she told you just to sit in silence and here you are suffering. Was there any part of you resisting or…?

Aryne

I just remember at the time all I could do was cry and I think I was in so much pain, I was willing to kind of try anything and I think subconsciously I did have all these past experiences of silence and being drawn to silence that I think I just kind of put all my faith in her and in her presence and I was just willing to give it a go, you know, I think intellectually I was kind of skeptical perhaps, but I think the pain was such that I was like, well, I have nothing else to try, so I’m going to give this 100%.

Thal

The pain surpassed the intellect.

Aryne

It’s kind of a shame but for so many of us it really takes… Pain is often the biggest motivation to make a change or to really look at something. I had been trying, you know, the best way as I knew how to use my head and to try to figure out what was wrong. You can’t use your head to figure out existential problems. that was a hard lesson. Yeah, that was a hard lesson.

Thal

It sounds like within the silence there is a form of surrendering that happens.

Aryne

Yeah. Yeah. I mean the process is so…It’s very difficult to articulate in some ways, but it’s, it’s not like you’re learning new information. It really is about shedding and it is surrendering and it’s accessing a deeper level of understanding and wisdom that’s yours, but that’s kind of more than just yours. I think that’s kind of what you tap into in silence. In some ways, part of my identity had been wrapped up … I was a grad student philosophy at the time. So, you know, the intellect was very much valued. That’s certainly what modern day philosophy is all about. Part of that was letting go of that identity. So there was a bit of a surrender there to your “intellect is not up to this challenge”. I had to kind of finally accept that and see what else was there.

Adrian

Aryne, I know you kind of live almost two lives, in terms of your regular practice of returning to long intensive retreat and, and you know, in the day-world you have, you have a career and you know…you’re learning. When did that schedule of the regular intensive practice begin and how did you get inspired to do that? Because I can’t imagine a lot of people have been committed to that form of practice for that long.

Aryne

When I met my teacher Viola I was about 24 and silence became very much part of a regular practice for me. So usually once or twice a day I would sit in quiet and slow down inside very deliberately consciously and then one day in grad school a friend of mine mentioned Vipassana meditation, this Meditation Center he’d been to in Massachusetts. The moment he said that I thought, oh my goodness, this is what I need. It was one of those things, ironically, my meditation teacher said, if you have the seed of practicing meditation, as soon as you hear about it, you’re going to be drawn. And I think that’s really what happened to me and I signed up that day for a 10 day course and from that point on, I think I went when I was 25. I’ve been going every year and practicing meditation ever since. So it, yeah, it is become a very big part of my life when, you know, I would say most of my vacation from work, you know, because I am a working person it all goes to meditation, almost all of it goes to meditation.

Thal

You’ve been now practicing Vipassana meditation for almost 20 years. How did you practice shift or evolve from when you first started?

Aryne

Well, the first time I went, and this is probably true for most people, and I think both of you, Adrian and Thal, have done one of these 10 day intensive retreats. 10 days of silence. Like, Ooh, what’s going to happen? It is incredibly intense and sometimes difficult and certainly transformative. For me I never wanted to leave. The minute I sat down on that cushion and that big quiet room and started listening to the chanting, I thought, okay, this is it. I almost had this image of me as a monk or a nun in a past life. It was really interesting, of course, so much comes up…so much of the static that’s in your mind, you kind of regret this TV shows and movies and Youtube videos you’ve been watching because it’s all in there still. All of that kind static is bubbling up all the time. And then memories start coming up, personal pains, personal triumphs, regrets, you know, you’ve kind of have to start looking at all of that. So that was the very first experience kind of was all of that and in some ways it’s still that. 20 years later…it’s still all of that but I think what happens is that you get to the quiet faster and you know, from that time 20 years ago till now, my life has started adapting to become more in line with the silence of meditation. So, you know, even though my life was always quite simple and I lead kind of a somewhat nomadic existence, didn’t own a lot. My life really has shifted so that there’s quiet in my external world more and more. The things that I choose to do with my free time, the people I spend time with, a lot of them are quite aligned on the same spiritual path. The experience of meditation in some ways shifts and changes but I think it becomes this anchor, the center for your life more and more and I think that’s probably the biggest thing that’s changed over the last 20 years.

Adrian

Was that a deliberate move for you to start seeing the bleed over from retreat experience into your outer world? Or did it happen organically?

Aryne

Yeah, I think organically. I mean sometimes you’re making conscious choices and I think with awareness, and this is kind of the, one of the gifts that silence gives you is more awareness. You’re much more sensitive to your surroundings and so you just don’t want the noise and the drama and the static in your life as much. So that kind of shifts quite naturally. It doesn’t feel like you’re forcing and I think at times, you know, you get the meditation cushion and you get all of the external paraphernalia is accessories of silence or meditation but if you’re forcing yourself it tends to backfire. I think you have to let go of things naturally as much as possible. So it did feel quite natural. I would say is even now still…the experience on retreat: 10 days, five days, you know, I’ve spent a month in silence. It still feels a little separate from the rest of my life. In some ways I wish it wasn’t, you know, I wish and I guess the goal is ultimately to have that quiet, that silence on the inside, just be embodied throughout your life. I feel like what I do still, what I still feel like I need to do is go back regularly and it kind of feels like you’re quieting that pool inside or, or filling the tank or you knew there’s a number of different metaphors I guess I could use, but I keep going back and the silence deepens and it lasts sometimes a bit longer…and when I’m feeling like ugh…it’s very clear when I need to go back. The more time you spend in meditation, day to day, the more silence you have in your life, the better. That still kind of the work I think that I’m doing right now, is to see how I can extend the feeling and the peace and the insight and the wisdom that you get through the silence of a retreat environment and bring that more and more into daily life. It’s hard.

Thal

It is…I remember after…my first experience in Vipassana meditation, the 10 days, just going back to my regular life…there was… Like I missed my family, but I did not miss the noise. That must be hard to shift and to do that regularly…

Aryne

I mean the transitions do become easier in some ways, although you are definitely much more sensitive. I mean it’s like you’ve pulled down a lot of the armor, the defenses against daily life. I mean, I live in Toronto, it’s noisy, it’s busy. I work full-time, so the transitions have become easier. But again, I think, you know, my, where I live, my home is very quiet. I don’t have a TV actually, I don’t have a radio, even don’t even have the Internet, so I’ve kind of slowly, quite naturally just given these things up because there is a bit of a sanctuary when I come home and I feel like I need it, you know, and I’m quite happy to have my evenings and weekends very quiet now…I still look forward to the retreats, you know…I try to go at least two, three, maybe even four times a year if I can find even just small ones, you know, four or five days at a time is kind of enough to just kind of remember and I remember that’s actually one thing my teacher Viola told me is that we will sometimes get off the path, we’ll kind of get lost a little bit again. The answers will always be there in the silence and that has proven, has been proven true to me again and again in my life. There is a deep faith that I have in it actually where if I’m struggling or even trying to work at a problem, sometimes even a problem at work. I know the answers will be there waiting for me if I can, if I can find the quiet.

Thal

I think the first thing I think about when you’re talking about that especially…I find it fascinating that, you know, in your house you don’t have the technological distractions. Someone out there listening to you talk about silence and how you lead your life and like they’d probably ask why they don’t want to part ways from Netflix or whatever. What are the benefits of incorporating more silence in our life?

Aryne

I’m getting, there’s so many things I guess that in it’ just become such a normal part of my life. So very practically, we start very practically. So I was just recently on a 10 day meditation, very typical. I came back at the beginning of December and some of my colleagues at work where where’s Aryne and they were talking about it and kind of trying to understand why does she do this? Some of them were making jokes about…I’d have to be kidnapped or I’d have to be sick or you know, they kind of came up with these kind of very dramatic scenarios for having to actually unplug and step out of life, quote unquote, for two weeks. I kind of came back and I started laughing. I said, you know, you can’t do this by choice, but, one thing that they do know is that I come back with lots of ideas. I think the first very practical thing that silence offers anybody is enormous creativity, you know, even for things that work for relationships, for your life, for a direction that you want to go, there’s so much there when the static quiets down in your mind when everything slows down, it’s like, you know, that eastern metaphor of the pool, the pond, and it’s, it’s kind of always, wavy and there’s a lot of thrashing around day to day in most people’s lives. Storms, yeah, there’s, there’s a lot of storms. And so if you stop and slow down and eventually just be still the pond,you actually see to the bottom. That’s really a metaphor for insight. So as soon as you quiet down, all of those ideas have room to kind of flourish…I write novels in my head…I write campaigns for work in my mind. You know, it’s very enriching. So that idea of creativity just needs space, you know, everybody is creative whether you’re an artist or not, and I’m not an artist, but the creativity that we all need to kind of lead meaningful lives comes in the silence. That for me is the first piece. The second is, is really insight, you know, understanding yourself, understanding life, understanding others, you know, I mean, you guys probably had this experience too. You run through conversations and scenarios in personal life and professional life with others relationships and you really start getting some insights about what was really going on at that point and it gives you an opportunity to examine a little bit more objectively. I played a role in that situation. Sometimes you have to go through the pain of that inner cringing because, you know…insight also comes with responsibility and so that’s part of what silence offers and not everybody wants that. But I found it has been so helpful in my interactions with others, with understanding myself. Holding true to my own values, kind of the direction I want to go in my own life. Things become very distilled and clear. Maybe the third thing I’ll mention and there’s probably so many more I could talk about, is at that deep sense of peace and I feel I’m very grounded and calm most of the time in my life. You know, there was a retreat I went on probably about three and a half years ago now, and the day after I got back, my dad died suddenly and it was in a way, an interesting test of what meditation and what that silence offers. I felt extremely calm through that whole…It was a very stormy time for the family. Of course there was a lot of grief, but I felt very anchored. The interesting thing was I felt it was just very natural that he died. Like that kind of wisdom, I think without even realizing. It just starts infusing you through silence. That it was very sad and there was kind of a bitter sweetness to it for me, but I didn’t have the raw grief that a lot of the people around me had and I think it was hard for them maybe to understand, but I think that’s what the silence gave me. So those are the first three things that come to mind.

Adrian

It’s really interesting you mentioned that…I get the sense that quite often people misinterpret meditation as a way to escape discomfort as a way to like some sort of a warm spa for the mind, you know, it’s like a luxurious escape. But in that example, it’s clearly actually improving your tolerance with challenging experience.

Aryne

Absolutely. Yeah. You know what? I had a lot of people in my life, you know, none of my family members meditate or have found the same kind of solace or have made the same commitment to quiet that I have. There was a little bit of curiosity around, are you escaping or you just avoiding life by going away. Especially for these longer retreats. I’ve lived at meditation centers for months at a time, so it has been a big piece of my life. The reality is it’s the opposite. You know you’re kind of forced to face everything in silence. So I mean there is a huge benefit, but, you know, I don’t like to say that there’s a price, but you know, you have to give a lot of yourself and you have to be willing to kind of look at everything. Everything that you’ve said or done that you regret is kind of, is right there in the mirror for you in the silence.

Adrian

It’s not all UNICORNS and rainbows.

Aryne

Meditation is not really about getting somewhere? It is a process. I think that’s probably another maybe misconception, but it is like a mirror. The silence is like a mirror and so you have to be very willing to look. Once you are, you know, there’s so much to be gained, but it’s definitely not an escape.

Adrian

I imagine you must have considered living a full monastic and becoming, you know, a full time meditator. What keeps bringing you back to the outer world?

Thal

Back to the noise…

Adrian

and worldly activities?

Aryne

Yeah and I have many times over the last 20 years wondered whether I should live a monastic life and sometimes I joke I’m a secular nun. I went so far as to actually write letters to well known monks and ask, you know, is this possible for a Western woman to become a nun? It’s very difficult. I mean, there are of course women who have for me, um, you know, of course I have family and friends and I am very drawn to service I guess in a way and being part of the world. I totally respect people who do lead the monastic life and those are the people I read. Those are my teachers, but for me it just doesn’t seem part of the Karma for this life. It really doesn’t. It feels like suffering is out in the world and I’m interested in helping. I think that’s what drew me to silence in the first place and I feel like that’s what I want to help in the world. That’s, you know, like you guys have, that’s part of the work that I want to do while I’m alive.

Thal

So speaking of going back to your work, your work is very involved in the community and so I don’t know if you want to share with us how that silence and the meditative practice informs your work?

Aryne

Sure. Well, I’m an educator and counselor and so certainly with my one on one clients, cultivating a quiet mind is definitely the foundation of my work with people. I honestly, I don’t know how to get around the big problems that we’re dealing with our own personal suffering without quieting down inside because I don’t see how you can really have access your own wisdom and strength without quieting down because for me that work is about realization. It’s not about learning new things. It’s about kind of stripping away and getting down to who you are and the strength and the wisdom is there already. In the work that I do more publicly as an educator. I do find certainly the insights and the programs I create are certainly informed by my practice of silence. I get lots of ideas on retreat or when I’m quietly, you know, at home on the weekends, that’s when I tend to do a lot of that work. But the educational programs, I run tend to have a lot of reflection and journaling and they’re not rushed. I find right now, you know, as adults, you go to conferences or some kind of learning program and it’s just like this fire hose of information that’s being kind of shot at us all the time. It’s so exhausting and our minds cannot learn that way. We cannot take that much information in. So in my leadership programs and the programs that I’m running right now, slowing down, having time to integrate the learning is really for me a core principle an I’m pretty stubborn about it. I don’t want to do programs that are just, you know, information out.

Thal

Information heavy.

Aryne

I want people to reflect on who they are, why it’s important for them, how it’s relevant, how they can apply it. I think they’re much more enriching experiences for everybody.

Thal

In fact, that’s the first thing I sensed when I left my only one 10-day retreat is the distraction and the noise. And so I can’t imagine how it is for you that, you know, having to come back to that noise every, every time. Yeah and the intensity of it.

Adrian

Actually on that note, do you have advice for people who may have experienced retreat and re-entry tips since you’ve done it so many times? How do you feel, you know, what can you offer as a tip?

Aryne

Well, I mean, ideally if you can take the first day off of work when you get home from a retreat, that’s really a wonderful gift to yourself if you can. It’s not always possible. Often I cannot do that because I’ve already just taken eight, 10, 30 days off of work. A day off is wonderful to kind of just re-integrate into your own space, family, if you’re living with others. All of that energy on retreat is being held on the inside and what you really start noticing is that energy is going out of your eyes, out of your ears, out of your mouth, out of your body when you’re out in the kind of average day to day world. Being really gentle with yourself, not planning a lot that first week or two, kind of reducing the busyness of life. I mean that’s kind of a longer term commitment. That’s wonderful. If you can make it to just to kind of slow down in your life. Certainly turning off the radio or the TV or the computer in the mornings, having quiet in the mornings. It’s almost like an anchor for your day and certainly maybe at the end of the day as well. That’s the one thing I’d recommend to clients day to day, but certainly after retreat, anchoring your mornings and evenings with some silence can really help to process. And definitely time outside to breathe, breathe some fresh air. Yeah, so all of those tips.

Thal

So it’s energy, like leaking energy and also absorbing all kinds of energy.

Aryne

Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, you don’t realize until you spend a longer period in silence the impact that the world is having on you and that you’re having on the world and that energy exchange is happening all the time, very unconsciously. I think that’s one thing you do become very attuned to and you can keep that awareness if you keep going on retreat, if you keep cultivating that practice of silence in your own life. That sensitivity is kind of that feedback loop that’s always with you and you start making choices differently. It’s almost like pieces or peace and quiet as the rudder of your life. Once you’re kind of committed to that, then the direction of your life just kind of shifts very naturally. You know, you start doing things differently.

Thal

It’s interesting because Adrian mentioned earlier that one of the misinterpretation around meditation is that it’s an escape. But also the flip side, the other misinterpretation is that people see it as something…that they don’t want to face their pain and they don’t, like, it’s, that it’s not an escape, but it’s just too much and that they can’t, they cannot handle it. What kind of advice can you offer on that?

Aryne

Well, I mean, not everybody’s going to want to commit to five days, 10 days or more of silence right away. Certainly that’s understandable. I think kind of anybody could just look around our world and there is just too much noise. There’s too much distraction. I think that’s not a coincidence. I think we are trying to escape from a lot of, you know, these existential issues, the crisis of meaning that you guys have talked about. Certainly there’s a lot of suffering politically in the world right now, environmentally in the world right now. You know, entertainment, work, technology and all kinds of things that we use to kind of numb our experience and so silence is really the opposite of that. Instead of activating your nervous system and putting input into your nervous system, what you’re doing is just letting it settle and it is disconcerting at first and so small moments of silence is probably a good way to start. In the morning, again, don’t put on the TV or the radio. When you’re in the shower, actually just feel the water, feel the soap on your body. Those moments of mindfulness can be a good way to start. I sometimes even would suggest to clients a bath that’s kind of a nice way to start light a candle, have a bath even just 15 minutes. Certainly being out in nature is a wonderful way or moving through yoga, things like that are kind of kind of these gateways. I think at the end of the day. I think we all need is to be able to just sit quietly in your own presence. I think that’s where we all need to get to, but certainly that might not be the first step on the path.

Adrian

The word that’s coming up to me is finding a rhythm because naturally we go through rhythms in our lives where there’s periods of lower activity and rest like we have circadian rhythms. We are, we are drawn towards resting and not moving, but then we go through periods of the day where were hyperactive and it’s finding that rhythm perhaps to where it aligns with, you know, with your, your proper output. I’m reminded of my days in exercise and the importance of perhaps interval training and using the idea, having periods of high intensity, but followed with enough rest in between that you can recover and go back into the intense workload.

Aryne

I think the one thing you know when I read these great spiritual teachers is the silence is always with them, at a certain point it it, it doesn’t become a state that you cultivate on retreat or in a meditation sit. It really is something that stays with these people, these great teachers where they are just silent inside all the time. They can turn on their minds as a tool when they need them, but the mind isn’t going all the time and I thought, oh, what a wonderful place to get to, and I think when you’re on retreat, for example, you do get to those stages where you’re fully awake and alert and aware in your mind is just so quiet and it’s this incredible piece that you can have all the time, but it’s a practice. It is that practice. Right now at work, you know, your mind is fully on work and you do your work and or when your with another person, a loved one then you’re fully present with them. The more and more your mind can be quiet in the background, you just are more present for everything that you do. So that’s, I think that’s the goal of silence is again, not the noise externally, but the noise internally it, it just tends to enrich everything. I find.

Thal

You mentioned something earlier that once we strip away the noise and the static that we all can access this innate wisdom and that’s very empowering, especially for people who are stuck in patterns and in suffering to know that we all have that innate wisdom and that we don’t have to look for it externally and we just have to sift through our own garbage sometimes. I’ve heard you mentioned great teachers, who inspires you?

Aryne

Well, I’ve already mentioned Viola, of course, my meditation teacher, S.N. Goenka. I also like Almaas who is a Kuwaiti teacher, I think he’s got some lovely books about silence. Obviously, Eckert Tolle, The Power of Now. Most people in North America are quite familiar with him. I love David Hawkins is another one. there’s so many, there’s a lot of Buddhist teachers, of course, Thich Naht Kahn. He’s another well known teacher, but ultimately, you know, reading is the inspiration, but ultimately the greatest teacher is actually just sitting or cultivating that silence for yourself and however, in whatever way it works for you. So not everybody’s going to sit for formal meditation. I don’t think you need to actually, I think people need to find a way to quiet down their own minds. Even it could be sitting with your cup of coffee or a cup of tea in the morning and just watching at your window. Like it could really be that simple and informal. Yeah, the reading of kind of the greats is really inspiring. You know, one of my favorite books actually from the time I was a teenager and I still read it like the Bible now is Thoreau’s Walden. He was one of those first explorers of the internal world, I guess that was much more made public in North America. He kind of brought some of that eastern philosophy over here to the West and he kind of lived fairly solitary life for two years, you know, beside Walden pond as the story goes. He did have interactions with people. The time he spent just witnessing nature and witnessing his own mind and being on his own was so enriching. For me reading him is just so inspiring and it actually literally puts me in that silent place inside. That is one wonderful thing that teachers and books can give you is it actually puts you in the right frame of mind so you can access that quite pool of silence inside quite easily.

Adrian

Aryne, do you think there’s something about the communal aspect of retreat practice? Because maybe, maybe those like we’ve never been. What they might not realize is that although you are in solitude, you are practicing with lots of other humans close by sitting right next to you in front of you, behind you. Do you think there’s something to that about the practice with others in the same room, even though it’s an individual experience that you’re going through? That’s part of the impact?

Aryne

Absolutely. It’s incredibly supportive. In a formal meditation retreat or another silent retreats I’ve been to seeing kind of. It’s almost like these brothers and sisters are walking on the same path and it’s like you’re holding each other up. If you’re having a hard day or you know if memories are surfacing or there’s a problem that you’re grappling with or a regret that you’re kind of ruminating on, you know, being around others who are probably going through a similar experience is very supportive and it kind of gives you the courage and the energy to keep going. I know for me, even sometimes my experience on retreat is, you know, you’re given a meditation cell which is this very small, dark room. Very intense. Very quiet. It’s wonderful, but sometimes it’s too much. So going back and sitting with others helps you calm down and helps you make it through the day. You kind of do feel it’s kind of this strange phenomenon. I don’t know if you guys experienced this too. You feel so close to those people when you come out the other side, all these people, you’ve never heard the sound of their voice, but there’s a sense that you kind of know them and I think what you end up getting to is that just the essence of who these other human beings are, you’ve kind of accessing and connected to that part of them. It’s beautiful. It’s this wonderful kind of love that you’re feeling for these other people that have had probably a quite a similar experience.

Adrian

Yeah, definitely, for me, I think on that last day, when we break silence and you actually for the first time hear each other’s voice. First of all, you’re surprised by their voice, oh, I didn’t imagine that voice would come out of that person, but on that sort of graduation day, it is what it felt like was, you’re actually right, there is this bond. Even though there was not much of an exchange throughout the week, it’s just the movements were done together. You marched along to the kitchen hall together, you marched back to your dorms and you kind of repeat the next day, the same time, and just that repetition was part of it and coming out of it you feel really connected to these people and a lot of them I might, I probably just would never see again and but you remember that. Actually most of their faces are still very prominent in my memory.

Thal

What stood out for me was the conversations. There was no small talk right away, depth and just sharing and open heart and even crying and yes, love.

Aryne

Earlier you asked me some of the benefits of silence, I think one of the things that’s for me that one of the most beautiful things, and I kind of know I’m in a good place in my life when this happens, is there’s this…I guess a deep sense of compassion that silence gives you because it kind of strips away, like you said, there’s no small talk. All of the superficialities stripped away, and you kind of see into the heart of other people and, and there’s a sense of, everybody’s trying their best and we’re all kind of on the same journey together. So there is that sense of brotherhood and sisterhood. So after retreat when that stripping away has happened, often I find myself tearing up on the subway or at the shopping center or in a restaurant, you just happened to look and you see somebody and it’s almost like you see directly into their humanness. I’ve been known to weep in coffee shops.

Thal

That’s a good thing,

Aryne

But it’s not out of sadness. It really is out of a sense of deep connection and compassion. It’s kind of funny because nothing has happened, you know, somebody just riding the subway or having their coffee. But I take it as a good sign and I think that is one of the most beautiful gifts is that kind of compassionate and sympathetic joy and sense of connection with others that silence also offers.

Thal

The word that comes up for me is simplicity, is that, there’s beauty in simplicity. Our humanness is not as complex as we think it is.

Aryne

There’s something that I’ve been thinking about lately and when you feel that silence, when things have quieted down inside, it shifts kind of almost in a way time, things slow down. Your life doesn’t feel like an emergency anymore from kind of an experiential perspective. You kind of make decisions in. It is just kind of the experience of your life is calmer so silence does tend to affect time, but also space in some ways it’s a metaphor, but it kind of almost gives us buffer. It gives this distance. So when you’re in your life interacting with others at home or at work or whatever, often, we’re so reactive and I think that is a, maybe a consequence of things moving so fast. I think because science slows things down, it also gives some space between you and the situation where you can actually make a decision and you can make a choice. You actually have inner freedom and maybe that’s one of the other great gifts that silence gives. It gives you the space between what you’re going to do in the situation. If somebody says something that bothers you, you know somebody pulls in front of you in the car and what is your reaction? Often it’s one of anger or irritation or hurt, and I think the space that silence gives is somewhere where you can find the freedom to kind of look at something a bit more objectively and make a choice rather than just react in the same way you’ve always reacted. That is one piece that kind of just keeps growing the more and more you cultivate silence, that’s something that I don’t think I’ve lost. That’s something that just keeps growing and strengthening is that buffer, that distance between me and whatever’s happening in the world. I don’t feel I’m so much a victim of life circumstances anymore and that’s kind of a wonderful thing that you feel, not so much in control of life, but you have more control over yourself in your own reactions.

Thal

It’s amazing that you mentioned the connection between space and time and silent meditation. I just want to share this with our listeners. Just being in your apartment is an experience. It’s very quiet. Lots of books, not a lot of technology noise. It is important what you said considering social media, you know, there is, I don’t know why, I was just thinking what Snapchat when you’re talking about reaction. It’s just the nature of those apps and how people are, how we’re constantly reacting to each other to other people’s lives and how silence can give us a perspective and you know, perhaps some people may listen and think, how is this relevant to my life? In fact, it is.

Adrian

Yeah. It really strikes me is because we are living in the information age and there’s, this seems like there’s this race to accumulate more information, you know, get an advantage where what you’re describing the cultivation of silence is that what you really get is a perceptual advantage. It’s a change in perception not merely just having more ammo to use, but these almost mystical things that you’re describing, changing time, having the control to actually alter your experience of time and what that actually opens up as an opportunity. One of the challenges is that we’re talking about these things, but it’s experiential. That’s the other thing too, is that we’re using words that are always going to be insufficient to describe the direct experience of what it is that you’re sharing with us. Is there anything you can share with us perhaps those who are meditating that have never gone on retreat and maybe they’re doubting that they can ever even fit it into their lives or they have all sorts of reasons that, you know, that is preventing them from having the experience. Is there anything you might want to offer as a way to kind of walk them through if it’s something that you feel is…

Aryne

Certainly anybody who’s interested in silence or meditation? I would absolutely recommend a retreat. I mean, I’ve known so many people over the years who have had zero experience with meditation old or young and they jump into these long intense retreats and they make it and they get so much out of it. It’s a transformative experience even if they never come back. So if you are interested in silence or meditation, there’s so many places where you could do a weekend or Vipassana certainly offers 10 day retreats that are free of charge. They’re wonderful experiences. I would just say, you know, you can do, it is kind of scary and it can feel a little intense, but generally, there’s people there to support you. You’re well cared for…I think it’s just one of those kinds of leaps of faith at some point you have to do. For me there’s been nothing else that’s been as enriching as longer periods of time in silence. So whether that’s a long camping trip solo, a weekend retreat in your home or something more formal where there’s some teaching or meditation or silence. There’s probably nothing that really replaces it.

(silence)