psychedelics

#24: Psychedelic Integration with Susan Scharf and Rebecca Hendrix

Psychedelic experiences can be quite powerful and life-changing, but there are also other forms of consciousness-expanding experiences that may challenge one’s old paradigm. Sometimes even taking a big leap with a significant life-decision can challenge one’s psyche. 

So what is integration? It may well be the act of weaving together new levels of understanding that arise with new experiences into our evolving life stories. It is to provide the framework for ourselves so that we may benefit from new insights, something like a psychedelic experience can be a fleeting moment or a new milestone. Without integration, our psyche may be susceptible to so many things, be it splitting from one’s reality or ego inflation. The path of consciousness expansion beckons us to harness wisdom and discernment. 

On this episode, we explore psychedelic harm reduction, preparation, and integration with Dr. Susan Scharf and Rebecca Hendrix. Dr. Scharf and Rebecca founded One Integration to raise awareness around the mindful and safe use of psychedelics for the purposes of personal growth and healing. They offer individual as well as group integration for in NYC.

Dr. Scharf is a Board Certified Internal Medicine Physician and has also received advanced trained in Functional Medicine and Mind-Body Medicine. She has completed the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) therapist training and is the study physician for the phase 3 clinical trials for MDMA therapy for PTSD in New York. She has also trained with the Psychedelic Education and Continuing Care Program and the Integrative Harm Reduction Psychotherapy Program from the Center for Optimal Living.

Rebecca is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She completed her Master of Spiritual Psychology and her Master of Counseling Psychology from the University of Santa Monica She has a coaching degree from The Coaches Training Institute (CTI). She is a certified Imago Therapist and has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). She is trained in Energy Psychology by Henry Grayson. She has completed the Center for Optimal Living’s Psychedelic Education Program’s 101/102 workshops and is in a clinician group for harm reduction and psychedelic integration.

Highlights:

  • Psychedelic Harm Reduction and Preparation
  • Role of Community Integration
  • Ketamine Therapy, MDMA-Assisted Couples Therapy

Resources:

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Full Transcript

Thal:

Welcome Susan and Rebecca to Soulspace Podcast.

Susan Scharf:

Thank you. We are happy to be here!

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah. Thank you for having us. We’re so excited.

Thal:

Thank you for coming on. I guess a place where we want to start from is what got you interested in psychedelic psychotherapy and why?

Susan Scharf:

Oh, should I start?

Rebecca Hendrix:

Well, do you want me to start?

Susan Scharf:

Go ahead.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Okay. Um, I’m a traditionally trained psychotherapist, but within that I also have a specialization in spiritual psychology, which is helping people to look at their unfilled issues as a means of growing spiritually. And in doing that, um, I’ve noticed over the past few years, especially with my clients that are on medication and taking the traditional medications, they don’t always work for everybody. For the people that they work with they are a godsend. But for the people that, um, don’t find success, it’s really, really hard. And some people that are going on them have a lot of side effects even in increased thoughts of suicide going on them and coming off of them can be a lot harder than expected for some people. And I guess it was (?) years ago or so, um, I’ve been a fan of Gabor Maté for a long time with the work that he’s done with addiction and looking at all addiction as rooted in trauma. And in following him and going to some of his talks, he talks about, uh, sometimes doing Ayahuasca and leading some Ayahuasca trips. And so, um, an opportunity came up in New York where I work to do a training for clinicians called Psychedelics101 and 102 with the Center for Optimal Living. And so I did that last year and was just fascinated by all the information that they provided about how these medicines can be used and are being used in clinical trials to help people heal from things like OCD and depression and PTSD in ways that the psychopharmacological industry just aren’t. Often by using them once or twice or three times. So, um, that’s how I became interested just by kind of seeing what’s going on in my practice. Having some personal experience. One of my best friends committed suicide a number a number of years ago right when she was coming off some psychiatric medications. Um, so I’ve always just been kind of had a feeling inside that we just don’t have enough to offer and that our mental health system is a bit broke. We need mass mental health and we need more options for people that are in pain. And so that’s kind of what got me interested.

Adrian:

And just for listeners, I wanted to point out that that was Rebecca because we haven’t done a four way conversation. So people are only hearing your voices. I want it to match the voice with a name. So that was Rebecca and thank you.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Thank you. I’m Rebecca and I’m a holistic psychotherapist.

Susan Scharf:

And you guys can hear okay. Yes. Okay, good. So I’m Susan and how I got interested… I really just the process of my… it’s a longer process because I trained in internal medicine and really somehow had an awareness of other ways that we can heal, which is not really being offered to us in our traditional training, whether that’s psychological training, um, psychiatric training, medical training. And I just started exploring these other ways of approaching things and I learned about functional medicine and I was like, oh, great. Okay. That feels right. Let me go to that as fast as I can and see what that offers me, in terms of helping people. And it really opened my eyes to other ways of healing and thinking about our body, our system, and the connectedness of all of our parts and systems and how they affect each other. So I’ve kind of been approaching ever since I started medical school, just approaching everything from that. It’s all connected. So, uh, so I do practice holistic medicine as well and it’s really the mind, body, spirit, soul. It is all connected and it might sound a bit cheesy, but all these parts affect each other and things that we go through and just thinking that, um, especially the things like stress and anxiety and trauma and, um, these are not just things you take a pill for and expect it to fix a problem that has affected your life in all these areas. And although, you know, natural and holistic medicine might be geared toward non-medicine type things, a lot of these substances medicines we talk about are plants. And even then there’s, it’s just, um, it really touches upon all the aspects of a whole person to me. And that allows that person true healing, deep, healing, connected healing, and support. And when you see people getting better, you can be with people getting better from these modalities, it’s just undeniable, the help that it offers.

Thal:

Absolutely. I mean, it’s like you have this amazing role, um, of like bridging between sort of western medicine and holistic medicine. And in many ways too Rebecca, you shared like, you know, as a spiritual psychotherapist, mainstream psychotherapy tends to maybe not look at the spiritual aspects of things, but, you know, it’s like there has to be more bridging more conversation between different parts of sort of medicine, psychology, psychiatry, psychotherapy and holistic approaches to things. So, you know, that’s, um, an interesting space that you both occupy.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Thank you.

Susan Scharf:

Yeah. Thank you.

Adrian:

Can you guys share with us the, maybe the origin story for One Integration, that you guys both founded this company and it seems like you’re now offering services that are within the psychedelic integration space. Can you talk about what inspired that and tell us a little bit about One Integration?

Rebecca Hendrix:

Sure. Actually, we met in a clinician’s group, a clinicians consultation group for other therapists that have had some advanced training in working with patients who are interested in psychedelic healing through the use of psychedelics, um, through that Center for Optimal Living training. And so when we met we started chatting and we realize that, well, a lot of what we do in our clinician group is talk about integrating these experiences and different clinicians will bring forward case studies about, um, patients that are having challenges in integrating. And we will all brainstorm about the best way to help that patient to maybe integrate the experience into their life. And so we realized that, um, that there’s a real need to have a service available for people to integrate. There’s a lot of integration, well, within specialized communities. There’s some integration circles.

Susan Scharf:

There are some.

Rebecca Hendrix:

There are some that exist, but we didn’t, um, we didn’t know of another group per se that is formulated by a psychotherapist and a doctor that, because there’s a little bit of like a middle ground, the integration circles, um, the ones that I’ve been to anyway tend to have a lot of people that are quite experienced in psychedelics. Um, and that have used a good many of them. And, um, it didn’t seem like there’s a lot available for people that were curious or who might have had a recent experience in Costa Rica or someplace, people that were experimenting on their own. I started to see in my practice, um, people that are flying to different countries to use Ayahuasca or things like that, um, but weren’t necessarily integrating when they came back. And so jointly we just decided it would be a great add on to our existing businesses to make something like that available. And so we just, it was, it’s also fun and exciting because we both have a passion for this work. And so we wanted to figure out a way that we could work together and also help people.

Susan Scharf:

Yes. That was Rebecca. And this is Susan, just to keep with that. Um, I also want to add to that because that’s exactly right, that, um, two things we both I think really want to provide this, uh, service to people as a real safe place to really, uh, expand upon either these experiences or, we also talk about peak experiences. It doesn’t have to be with a specific substance, but a peak experience and really bring whatever shows up to the light and learn from it and grow from it. Um, but also, uh, as in many communities, there’s not always therapeutically, and I’m not saying there’s only one way and I’m not saying, um, I’ll finish my sentence and I’m not, there’s not always therapeutically trained people there available to support people through difficult times. And not that you have to have a certain type of training or that you need to, you know, have a psychoanalysis background, but some people that are going through these underground communities may need a lot more support than that community can provide. And, and, and we do have the training to provide that kind of support.

Rebecca Hendrix:

And I think we also feel like, you know, fingers crossed, this is the future. This, this could happen, you know, in the next five years.

Susan Scharf:

This is happening!

Rebecca Hendrix:

This is happening! And so we want to be prepared and there’s still so much stigma attached to, um, the use of psychedelics for healing. Um, even with ketamine, which is perfectly legal, there’s stigma attached. And so we wanted to, you know, kind of even proactively start to educate people or talk about it in a normal way so that people will start to see this as a possibility to help their loved ones or just to suggest to a loved one that really needs help and is struggling.

Thal:

Hmm. I mean clearly we are talking about very powerful substances and people might go through, you know, powerful experiences. And so what does integration mean? How can we integrate? Like if someone goes through something that’s so, um, either traumatic or you know, something from the past, how does integration look like?

Rebecca Hendrix:

Integration. I mean, basically what it is, is using the information you’ve learned and consciously incorporating it into your life to make changes to help you create your best life. Um, but integration in general is being really mindful of your use of it and then inquiry afterwards and doing anything that you can do to make your life better because of it. Um, you know, for people that just use these medicines recreationally, they may laugh about the fact that, you know, they saw a dinosaur, you know, in one night when they were out partying. Um, but if you’re trying to integrate an experience, you’re more being curious about that dinosaur or what that dinosaur means to you or you know, how that dinosaur, what it represents, you know, may help to heal something that is keeping you stuck in a place in your life. So it’s, it’s using, um, the experience and any information you got to be really curious and ask yourself questions and give yourself time and space and patience in order for any answers or help to come through you and to use certain tools that may assist you to do that.

Susan Scharf:

And again, I think it’s bringing mindfulness, mindful awareness to the process. Consciousness to more consciousness. Giving more space for consciousness, more consciousness to happen. Um, and of course that’s going to be still defined by the person going through it. So, uh, for example, if someone has, I mean, I’m just going to use Ayahuasca for an example because it’s one of the most powerful, um, mind expanders or consciousness expanders out there, um, in on our planet as a natural product. Um, but there are people that, um, have ceremonies with Ayahuasca that are legal when they go abroad, um, in certain areas. But some people, it could be months before they’re even able to begin the processing and maybe even a year or longer before there’s even some awareness of some of the subtleties from the experience. So every, every person’s experience is different with these medicines. And the processing of that experience can be very different as well. So it’s very much guided by the person going through the experience. And um, and like Rebecca was saying, taking the time, even finding the ability to, to allow for time and processing and openness to the process.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah. It’s really just giving, you’re giving yourself the gift of time, um, and intention to get as much out of this type of experience that you, that you can and that doing the actual experience is just the beginning of it.

Susan Scharf:

Yes!

Rebecca Hendrix:

It’s the journey that you take afterwards. Um, and how you can make your life better, to be a better person, to be more loving, to heal whatever it is that you know, may be keeping you stuck.

Adrian:

Yeah. I wanted to ask, uh, perhaps what does dis-integration look like in your experience working with people? What might be some signs that, oh, someone might not be integrating? Well, what would that look like? Um, in a real case scenario,

Rebecca Hendrix:

A sign that somebody may not be integrating well, um, maybe not being able to function in their daily life. I’m finding it really hard to, you know, go back into their job, go back into their life, go back into their relationships, um, showing some signs of depression or increased anxiety..

Susan Scharf:

Isolation.

Rebecca Hendrix:

…isolation, you know, but to the extent that it really interferes with their peace and serenity. Um, and then going back to maybe old coping mechanisms, you know, which could be self medicating in one form or another. Um, isolating, shutting down, um, or throwing themselves into work or exercise or just something where they’re just, you know, instead of being with what might need to come up or getting support, they just kind of go into…

Susan Scharf:

Filling the time.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Autopilot to fill in the time, or become affected in such a way that a really can’t go about their day to day. Does that make sense?

Thal:

Yes. Yeah. It’s an interesting way to think about integration to think about dis-integration because also, um, we do have discussions around integration ourselves as psychotherapy students also interested in the work of psychedelics. And just, you know, I’m thinking about ego inflation or ego deflation. That can happen too with, um, with psychedelics and within the psychedelic community as well.

Susan Scharf:

Yeah, that’s a good point.

Adrian:

What’s coming to my mind is just that there’s such a huge potential for people to experience spiritual emergence right? Or you can even call a spiritual emergency depending on how rapid the changes are happening and that, that coincides with this potential for inflation possibly for somebody to come out of a peak experience thinking they’ve had more insight than they really had or more more healing than, than what actually happened. And so I think at one point you mentioned, you know, it could take a long time, it could be months perhaps for some folks after peak experience to begin to notice even that things are starting to shift. And, you know, um, I wanted to ask you about the role of practice, you know, because the thing, you know, most people when they seek these experiences are not doing it every day. And so they’re filling most of their life with just the regular, mundane activities. So what’s the role of having daily practices perhaps to come back to?

Susan Scharf:

Yeah, that’s good. Because that’s what we would talk about anyway. So that’s excellent way to segway into that. Um, yeah, I think even just when we talk about creating space and time and space in your life, it’s that, that’s the way to do that is to have that daily time for time with yourself, time for processing, whether that’s sitting and not actually processing, but just being quiet or time for meditation, um, or being out in nature. Um, that beingness with what is, is actually some of the ripest time for processing to happen on its own without efforting even. Um, that is the best time. Um, and we even have, we even created a little list here, we have our little notes in front of us of some of the things that people could do.

Rebecca Hendrix:

So we have a long list of integration tools that we find that we’ve compiled just from talking to a lot of people that have integrated successfully. Um, but things on it are things like working with the psychedelic friendly therapists and in terms of what you’re talking about a minute ago it, it’s really important I think to work with somebody before you go and then after you go, because before you go you can talk about what you want to get out of the experience? Why you’re thinking about doing it now? You know, for example, if you are somebody that’s working on um, a core issue of not feeling good enough and then you set that as your attention when you go into your experience and you come out of it thinking like, “wow, I’m done with that. I’m totally done with that. I know it now! I feel it in every cell of my body”. But maybe the therapist that’s working with you could help point out that. Like I know that got a lot of information on that in your experience, but maybe you still are struggling with it a little bit because you just told me about how you acted or felt when you didn’t get the promotion that you wanted. So, you know, having that continuation with somebody that knows you before and after, um, could be really supportive in terms of maybe helping to manage expectations or even point out possible realities about what has actually occurred versus what their real world experience is. Um, but we have found and encourage everybody to find the right modality that works for them to intentionally carve out time and space so that anything that can come up, you know, has a space to do so. You know, as Susan was saying earlier, doing a plant medicine or a psychedelic is not at all the only means to grow spiritually or to get information that can help you move along a path. It tends to be something that makes some of these things happen a good bit quicker, um, for some people. Um, but slowing down your life in general. For most people, especially people that we know, living in New York City is a really good idea because it is often when we’re running or when we’re meditating or when we’re communing with nature that we do get insights or information or downloads, so to speak, the same type of information that people report getting when having these experiences. So if you can have a spiritual practice that you’re practicing, preferably before you go, um, meditation, or breath work, um, journaling, um, you know, any of those, chi gong. Um, just being in nature, chanting any of those types of things, just yoga would be good because then you have that to get back to. Um, it’s almost like you’ve started it and then it’s like, ah, yes, those are my things that helped me to expand my mind. Or you know, when I do those things I tend to get information. So doing those things after a ceremony might also be that way that your, you know, inner counselor, your inner self can make a connection with you to give you that information that’s somehow been stored back away as you come back online to real life.

Susan Scharf:

And on that, just on that same note, even though we’re not, it’s not really what you brought up. You know, there’s the talk about, um, is it the medicine? Is it you? And I know we both feel quite strongly that all that information is in there. And in fact, some say these medicines help you remember yourself, get back in touch with yourself and, um, we do feel that it’s, it’s all you and it’s enhancing you. It’s helping you find those parts of yourself or remember those parts of yourself or reconnect to those parts of yourself.

Thal:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That is important to mention because, you know, um, you know, some people might hear this, especially people who haven’t tried psychedelics and like, “Oh, really? Like, really psychedelics is going to solve everything?” But just knowing that it’s just a tool or an amplifier of your own consciousness is an important reminder. Yeah.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah. I mean, they tend to be, you know, I was listening to somebody talk the other day and they were saying, they interviewed somebody, I think it was Michael Pollan said that he interviewed somebody that had been in the smoking cessation trial using psilocybin. And the woman said that she got this very kind of banal, you know, information, which is like, “wow, I should really stop smoking. It’s not good for you and I shouldn’t kill myself that way. And there’s a lot of other things to see in the world”. And it’s, those are the types of information that you get and you know, this kind of going into it, but coming out of an experience, you know, it in a really authoritative type of way. And so then it’s, you know, okay, now that I know this, not just thought it, I like have, feel it almost in a lot of the cells in my body. What tools would support me to anchor it in and live from that place.

Thal:

Yeah, yeah.

Adrian:

Yeah. What I also notice is that there’s a real hunger for community, you know, for people who have come out of these experiences and not knowing where to turn to because perhaps their friend group isn’t friendly, you know, to talk about this stuff or their family, um, can you maybe touch on that because I see that’s one of the goals you have for One Integration is to build community and to do sort of group processing.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah. Yeah.

Susan Scharf:

She’s a good talker. She should talk [laughing].

Rebecca Hendrix:

That’s a great point because that is one of the reasons why we got together to do this because especially living in a city like New York, community is just becoming more and more important with everything that’s going on in the world. Um, with everything that’s going on politically, like people need a place to call home. The biggest gift you can ever give anybody is the gift of attention. Yeah. So being able to, um, provide a space for people to talk about these experiences, um, to feel safe. Um, to know that that’s something that they can get back to. I mean, if you just take psychotherapy alone, a lot of the reasons why it works is because somebody has a safe space, um, to be listened to. And most of the time people in life, when we’re speaking, we’re thinking about the next thing we’re going to say when the other person stops. And so, in so doing, we’re not necessarily listening and being there for somebody else, giving them that gift of attention and to do it in community, um, in a group is just, it just makes it for the people that are open and benefit from that just makes it so much more supportive and can help their process, exponentially.

Susan Scharf:

Yes, completely agree. And um, I think also one of those important aspects of integration and integration in groups is being able to hear other people that may be going through similar but different things. Or hearing someone express something about themselves that really resonates with you and you feel a kinship there or that you’re all souls searching for things and, and creating, I will say it, a loving and safe place and we, I think we really all do want that and need that in our society has not been constructed around those values. So we do need to find a way to create them for ourselves. And I think, again, safe is key. You know, you can still have a community of people like in these underground settings that are trying to do that and they’re not always creating the safest place either. So it’s again, being mindful of safety and um, yeah, having that community is key because to try to do this on one zone, um, that’s just, it’s really difficult.

Thal:

Yeah. Um, I mean, speaking of safety, um, another thing that we’d like to know about, and I, I don’t know if you guys do work around that, is the harm reduction model.

Susan Scharf:

Yeah.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Could you speak to that, please?

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah. Yeah. Love to speak to that. Other than integration, that’s one of the things that we love to talk about, that we think everybody could benefit by knowing about.

Susan Scharf:

I actually think that the, um, there, I mean, there’s a harm reduction model. Well, the Center for Optimal Living is one of the places near us that takes this approach, um, for the integrative harm reduction psychotherapy. And I think that can really be applied to everything in every aspect of your life. It’s not just putting things in boxes, it’s considering the whole picture. Um, so I mean, we’re calling it Mindful Engagement, as an easier way to kind of make it make sense when we’re talking about it because not everybody wants to hear about integrative harm reduction as a term, but you know, it’s starting, uh, I hope this makes sense. But, you know, when we start to talk with people about, um, you know, even why, if they’ve never had a psychedelic experience or a peak experience, you know, start from the beginning. What are your motivations? We have actually a whole process that we’ve thought about through, of understanding one thing is, um, understanding your motivation, um, choosing a facilitator, a guide, thinking about the environment you’re going to be in, the people that you’re going to be around you. Um, your own… You guys paused, you’re still good… Your own physical and mental health. Um, it’s thinking way in advance of, well, first of all, what do I, what do I want to get out of this? If I do get out of this, what I want to get out of this, what is that going to mean for my life? How will that feel? And if I don’t, what will that mean? Or how will that feel? Um, and that’s just even the beginning. Rebecca, do you want to continue? Yeah.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Um, so I think one thing that we like to tell people is that there’s a, there’s a lot of positive talk that is going on around using these substances. Um, and it can get, it can get really easy to just get wrapped up on that and say, oh, I want to do it too.

Thal:

Absolutely.

Rebecca Hendrix:

But one of our main messages is like, stop and pause and think and focus and ask yourself why it’s not. It’s not for everybody any more than going on psychiatric medication is for everybody. Um, but you know, you have to know yourself well enough to know that you’re doing it for the right reasons and to know and to do your homework. And in terms of, you know, what could happen, considering your set and your setting, your mindset is so important. What you’re feeling as you’re going into an experience and knowing, um, you know, for example, if you’ve recently gone through a longterm relationship breakup and you’re at that stage in the very beginning where you’re just flooded with emotions and you’re crying and you’re even having trouble, like knowing which emotions you’re feeling, it may not be the best time to do one of these experiences. If you’re somebody that had been grieving your relationship for quite a while. And, you know, were not being flooded with emotions and it actually could be a good time to get some information that would help you heal. And and move forward. But it’s the process of just slowing down, doing research. There’s a lot of amazing resources online. We have a great comprehensive list on our website at www.one-integration.com, to be able to just look at all the different scenarios, look at, you know, things to consider about medication interactions, which Dr. Scharf can speak to a little bit, but there’s just a lot to consider. And harm reduction is about just that, like it considering all these possible things to reduce harm as much as possible.

Thal:

Hmm. Um, speaking of medications, like if someone is on anxiety medication or you know, depression medication and they really want to try psychedelics, what kind of advice would you give them, Susan?

Susan Scharf:

Well, of course it depends on the um, medicine that they’re using in the medicine that they want to take. Um, many of the psychedelics are not compatible with antidepressants and can be quite dangerous if combined with, uh, with antidepressants. Ketamine can be combined with antidepressants. And although I mean, Ketamine is a different, it’s very different from Ayahuasca or MDMA. Um, it is something that is legal and it’s able to be monitored. You’re able to be safely monitored by a doctor. Um, and it does provide support and relief for many people for depression. And it’s being used for some other things. It’s been studied the most in depression, but, so that is a possibility. Um, but in terms of advice, uh, we always say, you know, find a psychedelic literate practitioner who can really help you tease through the details before you go off and consider something. Because of course it is not without risk to use any of these substances or medicines that they, although they’re, they are heavy, beautiful place for healing. For many people, they, they have risks and things can happen and have happened and for various different reasons. And, um, and those, all those aspects need to, I mean, you have to consider for as a person yourself, all the aspects of what you need to know know know. You have to have the knowledge and be very judicious and aware before you participate in anything like this.

Rebecca Hendrix:

And because ketamine is already legal, it’s prescribed by a doctor. And so you could potentially even meet with a doctor that prescribes ketamine in order to talk about how you may be effected if Ketamine’s for you or they could even be knowledgeable about the other medicines perhaps. Perhaps. I mean, it’s no guarantee, but you know, yeah.

Adrian:

Because you brought up ketamine, I wanted to ask because, so it’s legal and supervised under medical context. I noticed you guys offer integration for Ketamine therapy. So there’s a group coming up on your website. Can you talk about what that would look like, the structure of it, I’m just curious, you know, to get a glimpse of, um, other forms of integration groups that might be drug-specific or experience-specific.

Susan Scharf:

Yeah, we really wanted to make this kind of, uh, modeled after a group therapy experience. We want it to be a closed group that everyone has. Uh, we’ve spoken with each person individually, um, before they enter this group. And it’s not just for people that are already involved with ketamine therapy, but even people who are interested in want to learn more. And, um, as you say, psychedelic curious. Um, so that by having this closed group of people that are committed to a certain period of time and a certain number of sessions that in fact that has its own container and safety to it so that everybody there we know is committed and, um, as much as possible. Right, to be present and hold space for each other.

Rebecca Hendrix:

And, uh, in terms of structure, what we plan to do is to have like each session somebody, will be part of the time focused on them and so they can share what they want to about their experience. And again, everybody that experiences ketamine just like the other medications may have a different experience. Some people don’t really remember much of their experience at all. Some people, you know, have a lot of of memory. So, and a lot of people that are going to see psychiatrist or the anaesthesiologist or the ER doctors that have set up ketamine clinics might not also have a psychotherapist or you know, they may just have a psychiatrist. And so it’s a space for them to add that piece of it in as well. And so as for structure, it’ll, you know, it would be everybody sharing a little bit, but each time there’s one person in particular that we can go deeper with during the eight week process and then that person also can get input from the group. Um, reflective listening, um, you know, that kind of thing.

Susan Scharf:

Yeah. About what Rebecca is saying. We’ve, we’ve found that ketamine is definitely, it’s happening in a lot of places now and it’s being, it’s very helpful for a lot of people, but it’s not generally provided, uh, from those practitioners who provide ketamine with any or very little space for any kind of integration. Although that might be with someone’s private psychotherapist, uh, we’re not finding that’s being combined often, if at all with the ketamine therapy.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah, we’ve even spoke to a doctor recently who said that he feels that a lot of people are looking at it as just another drug. You know, you go into the office, you said you get your IV, the doctor could leave the room often no music, no blind fold, I mean no mask. And so that can, you know, that can affect somebody’s experience.

Susan Scharf:

Even the depth of their experience. Yeah.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah. So, so making sure that, you know, providing a space that if somebody is considering using this, that they have as much information as possible on how to make that experience a good one for them. And if they have had one but they’re not quite sure how else they could be anchoring it in or even what happened to them, providing space for them to do that.

Susan Scharf:

And giving more space for transformation to occur.

Thal:

Yes.

Susan Scharf:

Transformation rather than just a receptor drug phenomenon.

Thal:

Hmm. I mean just you mentioning that I would think like what a waste to go and take, you know, and sit in a place and go through the experience and not be able to, um, go deep. It would be a shame. So yeah. Thank you for raising awareness.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Exactly. Yeah. And especially like, cause I know you guys are in the field and studying to do more of this, but, um, maybe a lot and I think a lot of the people that, I don’t know, some people anyway that are going to do ketamine may never even had a therapy experience. So, and I don’t know, Dr. Scharf or Susan, tell me what you think, but I think of the psychedelics, it might be one that, um, some people could have more of a dissociative reaction to then a, um, maybe classic psychedelic experience. And so for, for, for those people that could be even more challenging, but even maybe even more necessary, I don’t know about more necessary, but definitely, um, a tool that they could use to try to, you know, just how does it feel to have taken it? What was that like for you? What does, what does it like if it isn’t, or what if it, like what is it like if it is working, right. Um, just to have a place to talk about the experience. Just as if somebody were taking, uh, getting a prescription for Zoloft. You unpack that with your therapist, you know, what are the side effects and how are you feeling and what are you do?

Susan Scharf:

You know, honestly, we know that that doesn’t happen a lot either. We want it to, but yeah.

Thal:

Ideally.

Susan Scharf:

Yeah. Right. And setting expectations and moving through those and being with them. Yeah. Being with those feelings. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that ideally with, even as Rebecca was saying, um, an SSRI, you might start a Zoloft medication and ideally you would process how you’re doing on that medication with your therapist or maybe even your psychiatrist, and how you’re feeling and what that’s like as much as we’d like to think that’s happening and would like that to be happening. That’s not necessarily happening everywhere either.

Thal:

I think I, yes, I think, um, I’ll see you guys brought up an important point that not a lot of people that experienced psychedelics have had a therapy session or don’t know how a therapy session looks like. And that’s important because sometimes that whole psychedelic experiences literally like five hours of therapy, it has that potential. So yeah.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean the more that we are doing talks just to try to, you know, kind of psychedelic literacy talks just to help people to understand what these medications are. Yes. Um, the more that we’re realizing that a lot of people don’t really know much about them at all, a lot of times we have to even say what a shaman is or what a shaman does or you know, why, who would be a candidate for this type of medication and why would they ever do it and how to explain that it’s not, they’re not addictive medications. I mean, anything could be addictive, but they’re not normally after you have one of these experiences, you don’t wake up saying, where can I get more? I want to do it again because it’s just such a powerful experience that that doesn’t happen. But a lot of it, a lot of just some real, you know, amazingly smart, well educated, successful people just, it’s nothing is in their awareness about it.

Susan Scharf:

And also this, I don’t know how this will land, so you’re welcome to um, cut this out. But I was just thinking how, you know, integration, just like therapy, you know, therapy is practicing practicing how you think about things and practice and practice and integration also provides some of that practice and it’s a practice to, it’s a, it’s a practice to find ourselves again after whatever this growing up in our society or going through trauma or whatnot. But it’s a practice just as mindfulness is, it’s all kind of one in the same as is giving yourself time and space, giving yourself time to be with things, looking, being a, hopefully a nonjudgmental observer of your experience and being with that. And it’s all a place for practice.

Thal:

Yeah. I can see where the name One Integration comes from. Love it. Also another thing that I’m curious about is the relational aspect of psychedelics to like, even during the experience of Psychedelic, like, um, Rebecca, I think you’re an Imago, certified therapist and um, I’ve heard about couples therapy and ketamine. Like can you talk about that? Like what’s the potential?

Adrian:

And I just want to throw in there also, um, cause I know Susan you are, you’re involved with the MDMA trials, phase three, and some of those studies were conducted with couples. Yeah. I mean, so by design they had couples go through experiences. And this is something I actually last night I was, I was thinking about is, is realizing how potentially how useful that can be for integration that your partner, your perhaps your spouse, your life partner actually goes and does it with you. Yeah. So you don’t have to go home and actually feel…

Susan Scharf:

Explain it to them.

Adrian:

Be disconnected. Yeah.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Explain as if you could.

Thal:

Yes. Hello, stranger! [laughing]

Rebecca Hendrix:

Um, I mean, I would love, I mean, I can’t wait to get to the point where, um, we can do MDMA assisted psychotherapy for couples because so, oh, many of the couples that I work with, you know, either, you know, mostly one is more of a pursuer and very open with their feelings and wanting to talk and poke at the other person, they’re much more shut down and withdraws, you know, when there’s an argument. And so to have, um, a psychedelic assisted psychotherapy session, you know, and the more trauma a couple has either one or both of them, everything gets exponentially harder to the thousandth degree because they’re also feeling issues around emotional safety that often it has nothing to do with their partner, but it’s very hard for them to block and to not act out on, in ways that make them feel very disconnected to their partner. So, you know, having a situation where MDMA could be used to basically get everybody in their loving essence, which is my main goal anyway, but when I’m working with individuals or with couples is to get them into their heart-centered self and then to speak to your partner from that place and feeling the emotions from that place versus the hard side of, you know, most of the time people might be speaking in the more defensive hard side of a feeling like anger, but underneath that there’s hurt and to get them to speak from that place. Okay. It’s in that place, that a corrective emotional experience could happen that they then could start to do at home. And that’s where healing occurs when people are relating from that space versus just the surface. I’m so upset because you’re five minutes late to our movie and you don’t care about my time and all of that. So I would love that. I’m not familiar with the ketamine assisted couple’s therapy. Um, I’ve been more familiar in and or imagining what it would look like with the MDMA. Do you know anything? Have you heard anything about..

Susan Scharf:

I know of people that have tried things, but I actually haven’t heard much on that. I would love to hear about it. Um, yeah. What’s happening with that? I know about the couple’s study I think isn’t Anne [Wagner] even part of that? Um, yeah. Or was part of that, but I don’t know the actual findings, although, um

Thal:

I guess my question was more like, it’s not about the actual medicine, but the potential of psychedelics and..

Susan Scharf:

Oh, my intuition and yeah. I mean I have a dream of also providing this to perhaps adult families, um, for, you know, for healing, all of those things that happen. Oh, such a place for, I mean, just, just even with the PTSD study. I think what it allows that, that layer to be peeled off of having to react of the, of such, the, what comes up with all the, the PTSD symptoms and experiences and flashbacks and the gamut of things. It allows the system to almost like take that layer off off and not have to be constantly reacting and protecting so that the inner, the feelings, the knowledge, the other things are gone. Just like Rebecca is talking about instead of being that defensive mode, um, from the feeling hurt by being defensive and see me and you’re just being able to be in that place, feeling those, those hurt feelings or, I mean, there’s so many different things that can happen in those instances, but, um, I think of course the study in order to move things forward in our society had to be focused on a thing. So PTSD was chosen and I think it’s a very good choice, but the implications of MDMA use for so many things are very obvious to the both of us. Yeah. It sounds like to you guys as well, and we feel that it can be beneficial in so many different areas for healing. No doubt. Absolutely. With, with the couples, with families, with, um, yeah, so many places.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Mother, daughter…

Thal:

Yeah. I was just thinking mother, daughter, father son. Siblings, right. Yeah. There’ll be no wars in the world!

Rebecca Hendrix:

Can you imagine?

Adrian:

It’s amazing, reimagine “family trips” and take it to a whole other definition.

Susan Scharf:

Like a new Disney. Yeah. Okay. I didn’t mean to make it into.. it’s not a toy! But yeah, that’s kind of something in my heart that I think about is being able to do these for sure. Relational connective experiences.

Thal:

Yeah. Sort of coming from that heart space versus Ego space.

Adrian:

Just as we, as we bring things to a close, could you guys share resources that might be helpful for people who are listening? Either they are curious. Uh, pre-experience, we mentioned maybe peri-experience, they’re really close to doing something or, post, they’re still integrating. Any helpful resources you can point to?

Rebecca Hendrix:

Gosh, um..

Susan Scharf:

Well you think, well of course Michael Pollan’s book is very helpful. Um, he’s, he’s so good at what he does and so we definitely, that is a, a place for resources. Um, we refer to that a lot. Rebecca mentioned our website for resources. I mean there are, um…

Rebecca Hendrix:

There’s one called Erowid.

Susan Scharf:

I was going to say, Erowid.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Another amazing one, just chockfull of information.

Susan Scharf:

The one thing about Erowid is that you know, you, it’s a, it’s, it’s anything, right? So you have to know that you’re coming to it. Um, that one person’s experience again may not be yours and that this is information gathered from a number of people and is not, it can’t be taken one piece at a time. It’s kind of looking at the whole so you’re not getting… I guess they kind of do have a a lot of good resources in there, but it’s not been combined into one little nugget that you can just bite. It’s a larger if that makes sense.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Yeah Chacruna.net is an amazing one and started by Bia Labate. Psychedelics Today. Um, all the Center for Optimal Living. They have a psychedelicprogram.com. MAPS.org which is one of the nonprofits that is doing a lot of the MDMA research, you know, these nonprofits are the ones that are moving these drugs forward into getting them license because they’re not being funded by the FDA or you know, a lot of bigger companies aren’t necessarily interested in getting involved in something that you’re going to take once or twice or three times. Traditionally the bigger companies are invested in something you’re going to take every day for the rest of your life. So all of the reasons why these are moving forward is because of, um, private donations and then the, um, trials that are being done by MAPS by the Hefner Haffner Institute by um, or, um, yeah.

Adrian:

Awesome. Amazing. Thank you so much for your time ladies. That was a lot of fun.

Thal:

Thank you.

Susan Scharf:

Thank you so much. Such a pleasure.

Rebecca Hendrix:

Thank you for having us. It was great to meet both of you and we will look forward to continuing to follow you as well and see where you go on this journey as you become professionals in the industry.

Thal:

Awesome.

Susan Scharf:

We broadened our community.

Thal:

Ah, yeah.

Adrian:

Definitely.

#18: Life After Ayahuasca with Laura Lockhart

Not why the addiction, but why the pain?

-Dr. Gabor Maté

The work of healing our trauma can be daunting, non-linear and complex. It is a path that conjures in us courage and resilience. On this episode, we have the honour of sharing an inspiring story of healing, transformation and wisdom. From an early age, Laura Lockhart has been struggling with mental health problems that included trauma, depression, panic attacks and multiple suicide attempts. Laura was diagnosed with so many disorders that many psychiatrists refused to take her on as a patient. Just when she thought she had exhausted all of her options, Laura met Dr. Gabor Maté, a world renowned author and trauma specialist. Dr. Maté believes that the mind and body cannot be separated and that disease is often an expression of deeper unresolved emotional stress. In 2014, Laura attended an Ayahuasca retreat with Dr. Maté and for the first time in her life, she was able to begin working with the deeper issues beneath her suffering. We hope you enjoy her story! 

Laura is currently an intern psychotherapist in Toronto. She can be contacted at lauradlockhart@gmail.com

Highlights:

  • Childhood Trauma and Suicidality
  • Ayahuasca Retreat with Dr. Gabor Maté
  • Working with Emotional Pain

 Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcripts

Thal

Welcome Laura to the show.

Laura Lockhart

Thank you for having me.

Thal

Thank you. Um, Laura, you know, I just, I’m very interested in transformative experiences and what that means in our lives. Um, maybe we can start with that. Like what was a transformative experience in your life?

Laura Lockhart

Okay, so a transformative experience in my life. Um, that would have to be my journey with Ayahuasca. So I had been severely depressed and um, panic attacks and a whole gamut of diagnoses from different psychiatrists. Um, doctor after doctor, couldn’t get the help that I needed treatment program after treatment program and I remained this emotionally disregulated, anxious, depressed person that the medical community was telling me that there was no hope. My doctor was like, I don’t know who else to send you to anymore. Um, I’d had psychiatrists see to me that I was so multifaceted that people wouldn’t want to work with me. I’d been told that I was going to be on medication for the rest of my life. So to treat it like I would if I was diabetic and just accept that this is the way it was. Um, and then I found Dr. Gabor Maté through Beyond Addictions Kundalini Yoga program. And I attended his seminar and he spoke about Ayahusca. And though I’d heard about it before it had gone in one ear and right out the other didn’t resonate with me at all. And then when Gabor spoke about it, it really resonated with me. And there was a, uh, knowing that I had to do this and um, because there was about 300 people at the seminar, getting up to him was impossible. I would have had to stand there for well over an hour probably. So I chose to go home and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And so I just opted to send him an email. Either he would get back to me or it would get lost in the millions of emails that he receives. And he responded to me later that night and just invited me to come back and talk to him. And so I did. And then about nine months later I was at his retreat. And, that was five years ago now. And I have not been on medication since. And although I still experience depression and anxiety, in no way, shape or form, is it anywhere near what it was.

Adrian

I’m curious what, what was in the email that you feel like really resonated with Gabor to respond to you?

Laura Lockhart

Um, it probably wasn’t the email. What had happened was during his seminar, it was his addiction seminar. So his Beyond his in the Realm of Hungry Ghosts seminar. And I wrote, I raised my hand and I told him, I said, I’m addicted to try and kill myself, which was true because that was the way that I had learned to cope with my pain started when I was about 14. Um, and there had been multiple attempts throughout my life and at the time I was meeting Gabor I was 38, so we were in my, in double digits by that point in time. Um, and he basically, he was very gentle with me and he asked if he could touch me and he’s like, what’s this feel like? And he just touched me very, very lightly. I was like, that’s hot. Like it feels, he said, yes, you’re a highly sensitive person and things impact you on a very deep level. And just that his invitation to me if I was willing to accept it, was to learn to suffer. So in other words, learn to feel my pain and learn to be with it as opposed to trying to escape it, which is what I was trying to do. Um, so I think it was that conversation that resonated with him. And then when I emailed him I said, I don’t know if you’re going to remember me, who wouldn’t remember that, but, okay. Um, and I just basically said that you had spoken about Ayahusca, but you spoke about it in regards to addiction. I didn’t consider myself somebody with a formal addiction because I don’t do drugs. Don’t do, I mean I’ll have a beer, but I’m not a drinker. Um, so I didn’t know if it was appropriate for me or if it was strictly for addiction. And, um, I just let them know that, you know, I had done so much in the medical system and I just didn’t feel I was getting anywhere. And he wrote back probably within hours and just said that he’d been thinking about me. So I think that that seed was planted in the seminar.

Adrian

Wow. Yeah. We’d love to go into the Ayahusca experience, but I think maybe if we can backtrack and hear about your life leading up to the, the invitation give you, if you can describe to us a little bit about the background perhaps growing up and, and what it was like as your pre-Ayahusca experience.

Laura Lockhart

Okay. So growing up I was the second child, um, six years apart, two very stressed out parents. My dad was a police officer, my mom was home with the children. Um, so dad’s working 12, 14, 16 hour days. Mom’s trying to raise a six year old and pregnant with me. There’s stress in the family. Um, and by the time I come around, I am what they described as an inconsolable infant. Um, what I’ve learned is, is that it was because nobody was attuned to me, so they couldn’t console me because they couldn’t attune to me because they were so stressed out. Um, it’s not about bad parenting.

Thal

They were not attuned to themselves.

Laura Lockhart

Right. Yeah. Um, so in that, I think what would also happen is because you have this screaming baby that’s heightening your stress and then you leave the baby. Like, I can’t do this anymore and you kind of leave the baby. Um, so there’s abandonment for me, lack of attunement, unintentional neglect, um, and some physical abuse. So I would get, I would, I was hit. Um, and then because my sister is six years older, she resents me. I’m causing all this problem in the family. So I’m the target of a great deal of resentment. Um, so growing up in that, I could see like the looking back, I can see the mis-attunement in my parents. By all means. I had, I had a good home. I was well clothed. I was well fed. Um, I was never left alone alone, but dad was down doing his artwork, mom was up reading the newspaper, I was alone. Um, and it, it goes throughout my whole family too. I see it in my whole family and I think it’s intergenerational. So, um, I have, I have memories of, um, parents flying into a rage and striking me. Um, and then as I get older, I’m unable, I’m less and less able to cope. Um, it’s, I see, I see relational issues starting at a very young age where probably, I can probably, the earliest I can trace it to is like six or eight where I can’t wait until it’s 10 o’clock in the morning, which is an appropriate time to make a phone call so that I can phone my friend because I’m so desperate for connection and so desperate to just be with somebody. And what does that cause on the other end? She’s needy. She’s, like clingy. Um, so people don’t like that and they disconnect from me. It’s too much for people. Um, so a lot of relational issues. Um, then get into middle school, high school and it’s just, uh, a hot house of loneliness, depression, anxiety. I wouldn’t go to school if I didn’t know.. If I didn’t have somebody to eat lunch with, um, because that loneliness was so deeply painful. Also experienced a lot of stomach upset, a lot of, um, intestinal issues. And my parents would take me to doctor after doctor after doctor. Nobody could find anything wrong. Okay. Well, finally one doctor says it’s stress. I think she’s stressed out. It’s the 70s who wants to believe that their infant is stressed out. We don’t have all this information yet. Um, so, um, by the time I get to high school, I’m so paralyzed with anxiety that the stomach upset is a daily thing. I’m missing 35 days in a semester. At one point in time they had asked me to leave school because what’s the point? Um, I didn’t end up leaving school. Fortunately for me, I became very physically ill at the school and was vomiting. So they saw that it was real. Um, like I wasn’t just some lackey, so they didn’t end up kicking me out of school. But I certainly didn’t get the education that I needed. Um, and nobody at the school was attuned to me. Like nobody stopped and said, why is this young woman who is clearly very bright and very articulate, not doing, not performing? Why is she missing so much school? Why is she isolated? Because I wasn’t a problem maker. I was that quiet child that never caused any trouble. I was very polite, very soft spoken, well spoken, so I wasn’t the “problem child”. So I get missed just okay, not performing up to her capabilities and passed onto the next one. Um, at that point in time, I didn’t know I had mental illness. I didn’t even know what mental illness was at the time. Um, there were times where my family physician had tried to put me on medication for depression, but telling me that it would help my stomach issues. Um, then at 16, so my first, my first suicide attempt was at 14, but I didn’t know how to do it. So I took like 10 Tylenol and it had no effect. Couldn’t figure out why it didn’t work, but it didn’t work. Um, and then at 16 was the, the, the Big One. And, um, my parents rushed me to the hospital, so small town, my dad drove me to the hospital. They had to call ahead to make sure the doctor was going to be there. They pumped my stomach, um, and admitted me overnight, but then released me the next day with no follow-up. Nothing.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Adrian

At this point I want to ask, because you mentioned your parents were, so dis-attuned to you. Was this the first time for them too, as a wake up call or were they sort of, you know, noticing that you weren’t well before that?

Laura Lockhart

Um, I think they were noticing I wasn’t well, but for them it was that I was just being difficult. So my not getting out of bed for them was just me being stubborn. Maybe asking for attention. Yeah, yeah. Me being a problem teenager. So the way they dealt with it was to try and force me out of bed, yell at me, get out of bed, um, force me to go to school. Yeah. It wasn’t, it wasn’t treated as maybe we should look at what this, what’s causing this.

Thal

And nothing at the school, like no counseling. No… Wow.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. None.

Adrian

And so after that, the Big One, you were sent back home after one day… What was it like, like coming back, realizing it didn’t work? Or you know, what was going on in your mind at the time?

Laura Lockhart

Um, for me that it was life. Um, what was going on for me was a lot of shame because there were friends that had been there that night, so there was a lot of shame and embarrassment and, um, my dad talked to, uh, the one friend that was there for the whole thing and just ask that it be kept confidential. Um, but other than that, nobody spoke to me about it. My friends didn’t speak to me about it. I didn’t speak to my friends about it. We just went on like nothing had happened.

Thal

Yeah. It’s like the shame was experienced on multiple levels. It’s like you’re experiencing shame. Your parents are probably experiencing it, your friends as well. And it’s like nobody’s talking about it. It’s like, as you said, it’s like misattunement on so many levels.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah. So, um, life just carried on as per usual. And um, by the end of my first year of college, that’s when I started to realize, realize that there was something wrong. Um, that’s when the panic attacks started. So that hyperventilating, the shaking, the crying, the, um, the, the cold sweats of full blown panic attack to the point where it would last for hours. And I remember going to my mother’s and she, she brought me into her bad to like stay the night with her and at some point in time she realized that maybe she should take me to the hospital because that’s how bad it was. Um, so she took me to emergency, they put you in a separate room. Um, and the doctor came in and he was a very kind man. Um, but the first thing he did was prescribe, um, a bunch of medication and then sent me to a psychiatric outpatient program the next day. Um, and when I went to that, um, I went alone and I saw a social worker and she did my intake and assessment and then, um, she brought in the psychiatrist and he didn’t ask me many questions at all. Um, but together they decided that I was bipolar and put me on lithium and a bunch of other medications. And the lithium made me crazy person. Like I was a walking Zombie, but I had tremors all the time and every time I went back and I was telling them that, you know, my symptoms are getting worse, they’re not getting better or they’d would just up the medication. I’ve since had multiple doctors say, there’s, you’re not bipolar. There is like, I don’t even, I don’t have any symptoms of mania.

Thal

Yeah I was about to say like, it doesn’t sound like there was any manic episodes during your childhood or during your struggles.

Laura Lockhart

No, but I’ve since seen the report that they sent my doctor and in it she writes that, um, that my mother reports a year long manic episode when I was 11. She didn’t speak to my mother. I was there alone. And then she also reported that I reported a year long manic episode, my first year of college. That isn’t what I said. What I said was that I felt good about myself my first year of college because I was getting straight A’s and it was the first time in my life.

Thal

And so that was manic?

Laura Lockhart

That was my mania.

Adrian

You’re too happy.

Laura Lockhart

I was too happy. Yeah. I enjoyed those days a little too much.

Thal

You loved yourself a little bit too much.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. But I think she also factored in like a shopping addiction. And um, at the time I didn’t know that euphoria meant manic. I just thought it meant felt good. So when she asked me if I ever felt euphoric, I, I think that was the sticking point is that I said yes. You know, my first year of college I felt really good that I was getting straight A’s.

Thal

It’s in the wording.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, um, I hadn’t studied psychology yet. I didn’t know the connection. Um, so they just kept upping the medication, upping the medication. And I’m becoming more and more zombified. Um, I’m a mess at work. Work is starting to notice. Um, people are pulling me aside and saying, Laura, like something’s changed. This is not, you look at your writing, it’s like, this isn’t you. Something’s wrong. That was a catalyst to another suicide attempt. But this time I had a bunch of psychiatric medications to use. And I was rushed to emergency, um, where they didn’t, they didn’t pump my stomach. Now they just let you drink the charcoal, which is gross but better. Um, so they admitted me overnight into a psychiatric unit, um, which I fought tooth and nail, didn’t want to be on a psychiatric unit. They take away everything. They take away all your personal goods. Um, you’re in with other people. It’s just not a comfortable place to be when you’re feeling terrible. So at one point in time, I think I stayed two nights. Um, cause yeah, cause it happened on a weekend. So I had to stay Saturday night and Sunday night because the psychiatrist wasn’t in until Monday. So on the second night, a nurse pulled me aside on the ward and she said to me, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I don’t think you’re bipolar and I don’t think you should be on all this medication, especially the high dosages that you’re on, especially at your age. I was 21.

Thal

Wow. So how many years since the first diagnosis?

Laura Lockhart

That was, that was probably like… it probably wasn’t even a full year since that first diagnosis. So I was still on the lithium and everything. Um, I can’t even remember what she looks like, but thank goodness she came into my life. So she told mw you’re over 18, you can refuse your medication. I don’t recommend you refuse it all. I suggest you go with half tonight. And then we’ll wean you from there. So that’s what I did. I immediately found a new psychiatrist who did all the testing. No, I’m not bipolar. However, it was still just more drugs, more drugs, more drugs, more drugs. Yeah. So that continued for the next 20-23 years.

Thal

Wow. Okay.

Laura Lockhart

So yeah. Okay.

Adrian

Yeah. At this point, it sounds like there’s awareness and even like a desire to get better, like, because you were seeking help so that wasn’t there early in your life. Um, what did you try? So in those 20 years, I imagine you must have tried many things, tried different modalities or techniques. What were some of the stuff that you were trying?

Laura Lockhart

Um, there was always a strong urge to get better. I was always jealous. Like I remember being in grade two or grade three and finding out that one of the kids at school saw a therapist and I was immensely jealous, but I never had the nerve to ask my parents. Um, I never thought they’d, they’d let me for some reason. I don’t know why. Um, and so when I finally started seeking help, um, I went the route that I knew. So I went the medical route. I went to my doctor who sent me to a psychiatrist. Um, I tried, so I tried many different, um, I tried CBT, DBT. Um, I did two inpatient programs, one through a psychiatric out in Oshawa and then one out in Guelph. Um, both inpatient one was eight weeks and one was 12 weeks where I lived there the entire time. Several different outpatient programs through the hospital. I tried a suicide program through a day program through a hospital. Yeah. I was seeing a psychotherapist, but probably I hadn’t tapped into any of the psychotherapy modalities, um, just all that, all the psychiatric stuff. And it wasn’t working for me. Um, yeah. But I knew there was something in me that could not accept that this was going to be my life, that I was not meant to be more than what I was at the time, which was a mess.

Thal

And, um, and so then you met Gabor?

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Thal

Okay. And what changed?

Laura Lockhart

Um, so in order to go to the retreat, I had to come off all my medication, um, which he cautioned me about. He did say, now, based on your history of suicide, you really want to have a discussion with your doctor about it, um, because you can’t do Ayahuasca on these meds. So my doctor was very open to it and very supportive. Um, he didn’t necessarily believe in Ayahusca. Um, but he was more inclined to let me go to a warm country where it would be sunny where I’d be in therapy circles. Um, so he was very open and he gave me a weaning schedule and I came off my meds.

Thal

And that’s amazing because you’ve just been doing the sort of mainstream psychotherapy modalities and the medical, um, circles. And so, and then you went from that to right away Ayahuasca.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, it was a true calling. Like it was like I, I had to get there. Financially I didn’t know how I was going to do it. Um, my mother didn’t like the idea. She didn’t, A psychedelic in a strange country with a doctor, didn’t sound reputable to her. My dad was actually very supportive and said, what have you got to lose? And it was actually, um, they’re divorced now, but the two of them came up with the funds to help me get there. Um, so that’s how I got there.

Adrian

Could you describe the program a little bit and when we’re perhaps even your experience flying in, what was that journey like? I mean, it must’ve been… that alone, probably we could dive into an entire episode, I imagine.

Thal

Yeah like, you know, your inner feelings.

Laura Lockhart

Um, so I was scared. I was thinking, what am I doing? Am I a crazy person. So I didn’t follow the weaning schedule that my doctor gave me. I decided that, oh, I’ve missed these medications before many a times, you know, when you couldn’t get to the drug store or whatever. Oh yeah, I’m good. I don’t need to wean. And I went cold Turkey. Never do that. So I ended up violently ill for many weeks. Um, I landed in the hospital twice for IV because like for IV fluids, because I was so violently ill, they had to put me on a drug that they give chemo patients for the nausea. And at the time I’m not putting two and two together because it’s been a couple of weeks since I’d come off the medication. So I’m not telling them, oh, I’ve come off all this medication. I’m just telling them I’m not on any medications, so they’re not able, because I’m not giving them the pieces. They’re not able to put the pieces together. Um, so having been violently ill for several weeks, the thought of going into the jungle and vomiting was not appealing. It’s like, no, I’ve done that. Thank you. Um, and I was going alone with people I didn’t know I’d never met them. Um, I had only really talked to Gabor twice, so I didn’t even know him at the time. Um, I knew I knew about his, um, his episode on the Nature of Things with Dr. David Suzuki, A Jungle Prescription. So I had watched that, but I didn’t even delve into the research on Ayahusca or get to know much about it because the more I learned, the more nervous I became. So in order to do it, I had to like not investigate it. I had to just go blind.

Adrian

A leap of faith.

Laura Lockhart

Leap of faith. Um, the journey, the journey was chaotic. Um, so I left Toronto. They had to de-ice the plane, uh, because of the, when the plane was late getting to my connection, um, I might’ve missed the, the connecting flight. I meeting people on the connecting flight that are going to the same retreat so that we can travel in the other country together. So at least I don’t have to travel in a strange country completely alone, but I might miss my connection. So we land at the exact same time that my connecting flight is supposed to be taking off. And the flight attendant tells me they’re not holding the plane. They’ve already started booking the hotel rooms. So now I’m starting to like, okay. So I connect with one of the women that I’m supposed to meet. She’s already on the other plane. She’s asking them, uh, she can’t get any information. I get off my plane feeling somewhat defeated and um, somebody turns to me and says they’re holding the flight. Run! So I book it.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

And I’m not very fast. [Laughing]

Adrian

In slow motion.

Laura Lockhart

I slow motion book it. And I’m rounding the corner in the terminal only to learn that I have to get on one of those trains to take you to another terminal, which you know, just like this is not booking it in any way, shape or form. But I’m booking it. The second I land my butt in that seat, the plane takes off. Like there is no time. It’s like land take off. So I made my flight, my luggage did not.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

So I land in this very tropical country in very humid weather in my jeans and sweatshirt because I’ve come from Toronto where it’s snowing and my luggage hasn’t made it. Then we have to take a water taxi to the actual location that we’re going in. Getting off the water taxi, I fall into the ocean in my jeans and sweatshirt with nothing to change into.

Adrian

Welcome! [laughing]

Laura Lockhart

Welcome. Welcome to your Ayahuasca journey. Um, my luggage doesn’t come till the next day. It comes the next day. Thank goodness I didn’t have to wait a couple of days. Um, but I arrive at this Ayahuasca retreat center, which is very remote. Um, I remember walking the dirt path with donkey poop and having to take your shoes off and like crossing a river. And I just start to cry. I’m like, what am I doing? What have I come for? I want to go home and I want to go home now. Thank goodness the people at the retreat are very kind and very loving souls and they find me raggedy clothing to wear so that I can get out of my wet jeans. And uh, the woman I actually bunk with was able to provide me some clothing so that I could, you know, be comfortable. Um, but at this point in time I’m thinking, what have I done? Like I’ve left my comfort, my home, my friends, my family, everything to come here to this strange place that’s… And it was the most life changing experience I’ve had.

Thal

Amazing. Yeah.

Adrian

For people who might not be familiar with the Ayahuasca tradition, the plant medicine, could you share a little bit of background?

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. It’s not for everyone, but for those that are feeling the call, it can be helpful. I also didn’t just do Ayahuasca. I returned from my Ayahuasca journey and went into intense therapy.

Thal

So maybe we can, yeah. Integration.

Laura Lockhart

So, um, so what was the question again?

Thal

Um, so for our listeners who don’t know, what Ayahuasca is, can you, can you say about it?

Laura Lockhart

So it’s a plant medicine that’s been used in the Amazon for centuries for healing. Traditionally, just the Shaman would drink it and then work on the, the people, but it’s transitioned somehow that now the people and the Shaman drink it. Um, I had ensured that I was doing it in a very safe space because there are unreputable Ayahuasca retreats out there. There are unsafe Ayahuasca retreats out there. I made sure that I was going to a very reputable and very safe place to do this. It is a psychedelic, um, so you are vulnerable. Um, I did it. The lineage that I worked in, um, my Shaman works in is the Shipibo lineage and ceremony was kept very traditional. Um, the chants aren’t just, so it’s a whole ceremony. It’s a six hour ceremony. It’s done with intention. Um, every chant that comes out of their mouth is done for a specific reason to help move the energy to help in the healing process. It’s not a random, these people are highly skilled and know what they’re doing. Um, what else can I say?

Thal

How many, like how many times did you drink it, if you want to go into that?

Laura Lockhart

So my first retreat, which was highly transformative for me was three ceremonies. However, the difference between my retreat and a lot of other retreats, um, is that I had processing with Dr. Gabor Maté. So there were 25 or 26 participants and every day for hours on end, we would sit in a circle and process. And when one person works, everybody in the circle works. Yeah. That’s how powerful the circle is. Um, so there were nights where it had gotten dark and we had to do processing by flashlight because that’s how long we had been sitting in the circle. So from right after breakfast until bedtime, we were in that circle with the exception of a few breaks here and there for lunch and dinner. Um, a very regimented diet. Um, you can only eat specific foods. Um, in respect for the plant. Um, the way that’s been described to me is that you wouldn’t pour salt and sugar on your garden. So in respect for the plant, you treat your body with that same respect. Um, ceremonies were six hours long done at night in the dark. Um, very powerful, very painful. Um, some very difficult moments. Some times I didn’t think I was going to make it through to the other side. Um, and so very grateful when I did and the difference even after just the three ceremonies. The small things, very small things, which are actually big things. Um, for example, my dentist had been trying to get me to floss for 40 some years. Well now I was 38 at the time, so probably like 30 some years. And I came back from my Ayahuasca journey and I just started flossing every day. Like why? I don’t know. But I did. Um, things like I started wearing makeup again, um, because I had gone into such a depression where all I did was just wear sweatpants and didn’t do my hair. I didn’t do anything. I just throw on my sweats and left and I started taking care of myself again. Um, there’s still some self care that needs to come into place. I’ve still got some difficulty in that area, but, uh, immensely different. Um, but like I said, I didn’t just do ceremony and come home and go back to life as it was. I did ceremony and came home and the first thing I did was the Landmark Forum, um, which was also very powerful. Um, there some complications with it and the sales pitch, but the material itself I found very powerful. Um, and then following that I went into a trauma treatment center. Um, so not a western medicine, a holistic trauma treatment center. Unfortunately no longer exists, um, where I was there for four or five sessions a week for quite some time, um, where I had different modalities. So I had psychotherapy, I had massage, I had acupuncture. Um, where it wasn’t just like, okay, let’s look at your thoughts. Let’s look at the energy in your body. Let’s look at where you’re carrying things. Let’s look at where you’re holding this trauma. Um, yeah.

Thal

And, and so you were open to trying all these things after Ayahuasca like, it’s, it truly is a transformation considering that prior to Ayahuasca, it was, you know, mainstream, nothing holistic. And now it’s like there’s this openness.

Laura Lockhart

Some of the difficulty prior to the Ayahuasca journey was that I didn’t have the funds to try the holistic modalities, which I was starting to feel drawn to. I didn’t quite know that I believed in it yet. Um, but now I’m a firm believer.

Thal

Wait, no, that’s a good point too. Right? That the funds for the, like the fact that it is expensive. Yeah. Like some people are turned away because of the not having funds.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, um, I had looked into psychotherapists before, but I simply couldn’t afford it. Um, and I had, I also have fibromyalgia, so I had explored, um, just about everything I could at that point in time with regards to fibromyalgia. And what I was really getting was that I needed massage and I needed acupuncture and I needed things that I just couldn’t afford.

Thal

Which would make sense if it’s OHIP covered. But that’s a different conversation.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, we could have a whole other episode.

Adrian

I wanted to go back, you mentioned the intensive integration circles, the processing with Gabor, for like entire day. What does that look like? What is processing? And because you had experience of psychotherapy, it’d be nice if you can maybe draw comparisons of the Ayahuasca experience to what traditional psychotherapy sessions are like, how are they different?

Laura Lockhart

Okay. Um, so, okay. But when you come out of an Ayahuasca ceremony, because it’s a psychedelic, there’s a lot of funky things that have happened in the night and it’s very easy to get lost in the, the visions and the experience and forget that there is very pertinent messages in those visions.

Thal

Um, especially when they’re negative and you know, they take you back to the specific experiences in childhood or whatever.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, um, what that looked like was often Gabor interrupting us and stopping the story. Um, and bring us back to our bodies and bringing us back to the emotion. Okay. So what was the emotion when you were seeing that? What were you experiencing in that time? And essentially bringing us back to the emotion that that whole experience was inviting us to feel, which would have been repressed at the time of the trauma. So it may have looked like somebody re-experiencing their trauma in the ceremony or it may have looked like something completely different that just brought up the same emotional state. But there was a lot of, you know, anger and fear and shame that people were given a safe place to go into and feel the things that they’d repressed in their bodies.

Thal

So he, so he was engaged during the ceremony as well? Like, or this is after the ceremony?

Laura Lockhart

This is after the ceremony. Yeah. So, um, after ceremony we all go to bed. It’s like three, four in the morning. Um, and then we wake up the next day and that’s when we do the processing. So each person speaks. So all 25 or 26 of us speak to our experience the night before.

Thal

Just speaking about the ceremony itself because there are two different perspectives, like some people see it as, so this is the contents of my psyche that are amplified during the ceremony or some people see it as this is the medicine, you know, teaching us and um, giving me stuff that I need at that moment. And maybe it’s combination of both. Um, I don’t know, but it’s just something that, you know, I was thinking about.

Adrian

What do you think it is? In terms of your experience.

Laura Lockhart

In terms of my experience, I would say it’s both. So it would show me things that my psyche was doing. Um, so I would often get stuck in and it was excruciatingly painful and this is my life, but where I would have the same three sentences repeat over and over and over and over and over, over and it was intense and it was rapid and I couldn’t stop it. That’s my rumination. That’s my negative self talk, rumination. And it was on full blast. Like it was intense. There were times where I thought I was going crazy. Um, it also showed me my anger and unfortunately at the time I wasn’t ready and I repressed it within ceremony. So I had this vision that came up and it was like black silhouettes and then flashes of red, like a very violent red. And I had no idea what it meant. And then I spent the next six hours in shear excruciating sub- humanlike pain that I’d never experienced before. And I was calling for them to get me charcoal because I wanted this medicine out of my system. Um, and unfortunately that got miscommunicated in the ceremony and they thought I was asking for tobacco. Um, but it was Gabor the next day that said that I didn’t want to do the work. He said that was you wanting somebody else to do the work for you. Very much my experience in life.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Um, yeah. So, and it wasn’t until my seventh ceremony that that lesson came back to me and I got, I very much got that I was resisting my anger and that’s why my pain came up and that the more that I resist feeling what I needed to feel, the more I was going to experience my pain.

Thal

And, and so then your pain or your anger was strong enough or your resisting mechanism was strong enough that it was still overriding the ma, the medicine basically.

Laura Lockhart

Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh yeah. It was a, and they kept telling me not to resist. Like that was, I mean, what else can you tell somebody? There is nothing else to tell somebody other than stop resisting and they’re telling me in a very gentle way. Um, but I was annoyed. I was like, what do you mean stop resisting? Like how do I stop resisting? I don’t know how to stop resisting. What am I? So I thought that I was resisting the pain, so I would lay there in ceremony and try and like breathe and like, okay, allow the pain, allow the pain, allow the pain. Well, no, I had to allow the anger and that’s what I wasn’t allowing. And I had no idea. I had no idea.

Thal

I mean, I definitely relate. They’re like, you know, when someone tells the old just like, go or stop resisting and like, what do you mean? Yeah. You’re like holding, holding on tight with your body.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah. But at no point in time, in any of my previous therapy had anybody addressed the fact that I wasn’t allowing my anger. I had no idea it was new found information to me that, oh, you mean I have to feel this? Yeah.

Thal

And so then the processing with Gabor helped you deepen that.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, yeah. So the next morning I had no idea it was anger even. When I told him about the vision and then I had no idea what it meant, he’s like, that sounds like anger. And I did the classic repression and denial and like dismissive. No, I wasn’t that angry as a child because, you know, we all had happy childhoods. Um, and he said he, he may have said, bullshit. I can’t remember exactly, but basically he said, that’s not true. Um, and he said, you can’t tell me. He said, how did you feel when your mother was hitting you? And that’s when it occurred to me that I had a murderous rage in me and that I was suppressing that. Not that you go out and murder people.

Thal

No, absolutely.

Laura Lockhart

But that you kept in touch with, with that so that it’s not stuck in you anymore. The feeling that you felt as a child and you were not able to express or..

Adrian

This first experience you had it sounded like a lot came up, a lot of insights, perhaps experiences. What did you do with all that new stuff? Coming back from that trip? You mentioned you started flossing, there were some behavior changes. What else could you add in terms of the experience re-entering back to your life?

Laura Lockhart

I really just had to learn to learn, to feel what I hadn’t been feeling and that took a lot, a lot of work. Um, it sounds so simple and really it is, but it’s so complicated. Um, I remember laying on the table with the act, my acupuncturist, and he was, and I could feel the mechanism happen where it’s like I was feeling it, feeling it, feeling, and then I was like, oh, I’ve just repressed it. I don’t have control over that, but I was doing it. And so bringing that awareness into my, into my body, not just into my logic but into my body was very important and that took a lot of work and a lot of safety. I needed a lot of safety and..

Thal

And trusting yourself.

Laura Lockhart

Trusting myself, trusting those around me that they might be giving me some difficulty information, but they’re doing it from a very loving place. Yeah.

Adrian

How did your relationship with Gabor continued to evolve after the first ceremony?

Laura Lockhart

Um, he really became a mentor. Um, he doesn’t like the word therapist. Um, but he became a, I don’t even have the words for it. Um, he just became like the catalyst for my seeing what I needed to see, which I wasn’t seeing. And there were times where he wouldn’t talk to me unless I had gone and felt what I was feeling. So he would say, you’ve asked for help, I will help you. But what I want you to do first is to identify the emotion, sit with it, allow it, have compassion for it, hold it and then we’ll talk. Which was frustrating but important because my way of not being with emotion was to reach out for help.

Thal

How did that look like? Did you have like a specific practice that you were doing or just…?

Laura Lockhart

Um, I didn’t know I was, I was winging it. Um, they don’t tell you how to feel your emotion. They just tell you that you have to feel it.

Adrian

Go look it up.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, go, go look it up.

Thal

Cause I do that too. That’s why I’m asking you. I’m like, how do I feel this? I just Google it. [laughing]

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Um, yeah, so I didn’t know. I was really just winging it and um, what it would look like for me was to just sit quietly and be with whatever was there. Um, and in actual fact, I got a lot of training in my therapy on how to do that, which was like identifying the sensation in the body, allowing the sensation to be there. Um, even inviting it to get bigger, a lot of meditation around, around my pain. So instead of trying to suppress my pain, trying to numb my pain, inviting it, welcoming it, and letting it be there and learning that it was, it was actually a lesson that I had been trying to numb for decades.

Adrian

You mentioned landmark forum as one of the things that seem to kind of immediately proceed the, your experience. Uh, what did you get out of that, that training?

Laura Lockhart

That I was creating a lot of my own suffering and I was doing it with the, the, the, the story in my head, the, the dialogue that was going on in my brain. Projecting a lot of my own stuff onto people. Um, making meaning out of things that didn’t mean anything. Um, and living my life as though what I believed about myself was true when in no shape or form was it?

Thal

Yeah. That it’s like static and rigid, that it does not change that, you know, oftentimes we see ourselves and our personalities as these things that I’m this or I’m that.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. And that in order to, in order to excel in life at whatever it was that I wanted to do, that I had to step out of the fear and that I had to act anyways. And that really showed up in a lot of my, um, my therapy because like I said, I couldn’t afford this therapy. So I had to find ways to get it, and that meant showing up and just trusting the process that I was in the right space and that if it was meant to happen, it was going to happen. And if it didn’t, then it wasn’t the right, the right path for me. Um, it also showed up in school. I couldn’t afford school. I, I hadn’t worked in years. Um, and, but as long as I stayed, stuck in the story of I can’t afford this, I was never going to do it. So I stayed stuck in that for many years. Um, and then I really, that teaching really stuck with me that like, just make it happen. Don’t, you may not know how you’re going to make it happen, but just make it happen. And so that’s what I did is that I applied to the school with no idea of how I was going to pay for it. And I even got the first bill. Please deposit this amount of money by such and such a date and still had no idea how I was going to pay for it. But I, I took the risk and I threw my hat over the wall cause I had to go get my hat then. And just, um, if, if I wanted it bad enough, it was going to happen and that I would work extra hard to make it happen.

Thal

And so, okay. So when will come in and you, you did the first retreat and then landmark and then you went again and did another retreat?

Laura Lockhart

So, um, yeah, so the first retreat, landmark, um a Trauma Treatment Center in Toronto. Um, and then another retreat and then.

Thal

How was it different then from the first one? How is it different than going back to the plants again?

Laura Lockhart

Um it was, it was different in that I was different. Um, the resistance was still there, but it wasn’t as strong and it wasn’t as potent. Um, so I was able to allow a lot more than I had the first time. Um, which meant I got a lot more out of each ceremony because I was allowed, I allowed the medicine to work more than I had prior.

Thal

You let go.

Laura Lockhart

I let go in some, in some cases. Um, there were times where, um, I was in excruciating pain again, um, both emotional and physical. And I remember the helper on the retreat telling me, you know, ask the plant to teach you in a gentler way. And I did. And it amplified. Um, so that was the lesson that I needed at that point in time for whatever reason. Um, yeah. So after that second retreat, um, I went to another retreat that wasn’t a medicine retreat. Um, but it was all about like the ego constructs that we live in. And, um, and I spent a month at this retreat, I’m learning to let go of the beliefs and projections and things that I put on myself and other people and then back to Toronto for more therapy. And then, um, so school came about two and a half years on the journey.

Adrian

This is training to become a psychotherapist?

Laura Lockhart

Yes.

Adrian

What, what inspired you to make that decision to become a therapist for others?

Laura Lockhart

Um, I had always wanted to be, um, I remember probably when I first started at universities that was my goal. It was that I wanted to become a psychologist, a PhD psychologist, and have my own private practice. Um, thank goodness that didn’t happen because I wouldn’t have known how to help anybody at the time. Um, but because my mental health derailed, I was able to get my undergrad, but there was no way I was going to be able to do a Masters or a PhD. I mean, I couldn’t even function hardly at all. Um, so it was really a dying dream. Um, and then it wasn’t until I met, um, the psychologist at the Trauma Treatment Center, Jesse Hanson, and he was the one that suggested to me, well, there’s other routes. Um, how about have you looked into psychotherapy training because that might be more up your alley, um, where you have to do your own work in order to learn to become a psychotherapist. And that really appealed to me, but again, I was stuck with the, that construct if I can’t afford it. So couldn’t make it happen. And it wasn’t until about two years later that it finally clicked in that I’m not going to make it happen if I just stay stuck in this story of I can’t afford it. Yeah.

Adrian

So, so what, what happened the last minute you said you didn’t have the funds and the due date was coming?

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, I had an anonymous donor. Um, I still don’t know who, um, they approached Jesse at the, the Trauma Treatment Center and decided to donate the money, but they did that based on what they were seeing in me, in my growth.

Thal

That’s amazing. So yeah, it’s amazing. Then what happens when we drop the stories that are not serving us.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. And when we’re on our right path.

Thal

Absolutely.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Thal

Soul path.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. I mean it’s, it’s, it’s such an inspiring story. I imagine you hear that often when you, when you share with others, but at the same time, I’m careful not to paint overly, you know, a rosy picture because this is reality. I want to ask you, what are some challenges you still face today on the path of healing?

Laura Lockhart

Um, so I still, I still struggle with relational difficulties. Um, I still isolate a lot. Um, I still struggle with self care around food. I still have a tendency to binge eat and binge eat junk food. Um, getting my eating under control has been very difficult. Um, I still struggle with my body. Um, so I still have a weight issue. Um, I still have difficulty, um, getting into my body in movement, any kind of movement is still very, very difficult and very painful for me. So yeah, it really does. Like hearing me speak really sounds like I’ve turned the other page and everything’s glowing, but it’s not. Um, but it is immensely different than what it was. So I no longer trying to kill myself. I’m no longer, um, the thoughts still come up, but I no longer attach to them. Um, so now I know that I don’t want to do that. Um, before I used to think that I really truly wanted to die, but now I just, the thought will come up and I just think, and I don’t want to do that. Like I respect myself now.

Thal

So it’s this, you know, very deep level of self compassion that you’ve accessed through healing.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah.

Thal

And it’s important then to understand that healing is not a rosy path, but it’s one worth taking. And you know, I’m also touched by your story and it’s, you know, it requires a lot of courage.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. And healing isn’t linear. Like as long as I heal, I will still go back into those old patterns every once in a while and expand and contract and then, but my contractions get a lot smaller. And my expansion, it’s got a lot bigger and I mean I’m able to function.

Adrian

Laura what’s your vision for, for your, I mean one, one the one hand for the future of psychotherapy but, but also at a personal level for yourself?

Laura Lockhart

So my vision for, um, psychotherapy is that more of the people start to recognize these alternatives. Um, and psychedelics obviously in safe places with proper assistance, um, that we really open up to just new ways of doing old ways of doing things that are becoming new again.

Thal

Yeah. Thanks for mentioning that.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Um, yeah. And for myself, my vision is to, um, work with people that are me. That are very much like me. Um, yeah. People that have tried everything are determined to get better, won’t stop at anything to get better because that was me. I was going to knock on every door in the city.

Thal

And I think one of the really important things to understand is someone listening to this and struggling through the same issues feel like they’re the only ones going through that at that moment. And it’s just knowing that that’s not true is helpful too.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It’s not true. Um, there’s so many people out there like, yeah. So, yeah.

Adrian

Thank you so much, Laura. What an incredible story and thank you. I also want to mention for people that might be interested in reaching out, um, personally, uh, they can, they can contact us on the podcast and we can definitely direct them to you. Yeah. And there might be some inkling to reach out to Gabor as as well, but he doesn’t take client s and he’s not doing his retreats anymore, so, yeah.

Thal

Thank you. Thank you, Laura, for sharing your story with us today.

Laura Lockhart

Thank you.

#16: Depth Hypnosis with Isa Gucciardi

Relying on our human will can only take us so far. There comes a time in our life when we have to surrender the mind and allow the soul’s path to unfold naturally. On this episode, we explore the unseen powers of nature with Isa Gucciardi. Isa has spent over 30 years studying spiritual, therapeutic, and meditative techniques from around the world. She has worked with master teachers of Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism and Sufism, as well as expert Shamanic practitioners from the indigenous traditions of Hawaii, North and South America, Siberia, and Nepal. Isa is the creator of Depth Hypnosis, a therapeutic modality that integrates elements of Shamanic journeying and Buddhist meditation. She guides us through a live Depth Hypnosis journey during the interview *please don’t follow this part while driving, for obvious reasons*. She is the co-founder of the Foundation of the Sacred Stream, a school for consciousness studies in California. They offer courses like Depth Hypnosis, Applied Shamanism, Buddhist Psychology and Integrated Energy Medicine. Isa is the author of two books, Return to the Great Mother and Coming to Peace

Highlights:

  • Experiencing Altered States at an Early Age
  • Live Depth Hypnosis: Guided Power Retrieval
  • Working with Plant Medicines in a Modern World

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript:

Thal

Welcome to the show.

Isa Gucciardi

Thank you. So nice to be here.

Thal

Thank you. Yes.

Adrian

To start things off, we’d love to hear how your spiritual journey began. Um, any sort of particular orientation that you were brought up with that you might want to share with our listeners?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, I think my spiritual journey began as soon as I met trees. Um, I um, was very involved with nature when I was little. I lived in Hawaii and, um, you know, nature there is kind of in your face all the time, you know, you can’t kind of look away from it the way you can when you’re living in a place like New York City or something. And, um, you know, I spent a lot of time outside. I spent a lot of time, you know, with the birds, with the crabs, you know, with the wind. And you know, there was a real solace that I felt in nature. I felt, uh, you know, a real sense of connectedness that I didn’t feel necessarily with human beings. And I think that the question in my mind, arose very, very young, um, you know, how do we bring this peace that’s here in nature into the affairs of humans? You know, like from me, that was such a huge difference between the two worlds that I, you know, it was, it was really a question early on, how do we, how do we bridge these two worlds? So I think, um, you know, in terms of a spiritual tradition, it was definitely nature. That was my first set that offered my first set of teachings. I did, um, because I was in Hawaii and I had a lot of Japanese Hawaiian friends. Um, there were, um, of course the Buddhist temples that you find everywhere in Hawaii. And I used to, you know, try to arrive at my friend’s house just before I knew they were going to temple, so they would invite me. And I like the smell of the tatami mats and I, uh, you know, just love the smell of the incense and I didn’t really receive any particular teachings. They were, it was pure-land Buddhism, which is, you know, a pretty, um, you know, evangelical kind of Buddhism. But, you know, I didn’t know, I didn’t feel exposed necessarily to the teachings that were being offered there. It was more the Zeitgeist of the place, you know, the, the, just the, just the beauty and the, um, and the sort of energy around the Buddhist statues and the altar. The Altars were fascinating to me. And, um, and then the interesting, another interesting spiritual, but not, you know, again, not as powerful as nature was that I was sent to a missionary school. Um, and, and it was a Lutheran school. And the teachings there centered on Jesus as a healer. And, you know, this nice man who took care of the sheep, you know, it was like, you know, like you seem like such a nice guy, you know,I was, you know, and I love the idea that he could, he could heal people. Like that was like this amazing thing that he could put his hands.

Adrian

Sorry Isa we’re missing a little bit of the connection there. Um..

Isa Gucciardi

I don’t know, maybe I moved, are you there?

Adrian

Yes, yes. Yeah. Just the part about, um, uh, Jesus as a healer.

Isa Gucciardi

Yeah he could put his hands on someone and heal them. And it was, that was enthralling to me that, that, you know, that miracles could happen, you know, and that kind of gave me hope, you know, from my idea that, you know, maybe there was going to be some kind of a bridge between nature and human activity that, um, could help people. So those are sort of my early influences. Um, all of them kind of, you know, very independent and, you know, I didn’t have like, again, a lot of proselytization or anything like that. There was no kind of orthodoxy that I had to adhere to or anything like that.

Thal

And so from your earlier experiences with um, uh, nature and this sort of open state of spirituality, how did you first get interested in altered state and shamanic journeying?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, you know, the whole thing about altered states was, um, there was something that was started happening when I was quite young, where I would suddenly kind of be in another reality, you know, and I didn’t talk about this with anyone because I really didn’t know how to talk about it. And I thought that it was normal. Um, and you know, things would kind of slow down. The different light would come and then I would be in sort of connected through nature, you know, it would always happen in nature where there would just kind of be this expansion of awareness, um, this deepening of the peace that I already ….and the thing that I started realizing is that I seem to be more aware of things that other people weren’t aware of. You know, and it wasn’t really until, um, I encountered the theosophists, which I encountered pretty early on, probably around age 10 or 11, I found a book by, um, Blavatsky and, um, she was a channel and I started realizing, oh, maybe this is that, you know, and, and then there was this whole tradition of seances, um, that, that the theosophists were connected to and I thought, oh, that’s interesting. You know, like the, you know, so here’s this, here’s this, uh, sort of container that this thing is happening in. And then I remember, I, um, I had moved all around the world and, um, I came back to go to high school in New Jersey and the, there was really big thing back then. I don’t know if this still happens now, but everyone was always having slumber parties. And in the slumber parties they started doing seances. And I’m like, “Oh, I’m in!” You know, like, you know, it’s, uh, it’s so everyone would go around and, you know, they would, they would say, you know, like they would channel something or, you know, like, you know, and, and I just went ahead and did what I’d been doing in nature by myself for a long time. And there was, everybody started freaking out and I’m like, what’s going on? What’s wrong? You know? And, and I didn’t realize that everybody else was not really tuning into anything. And what I was tuning into was like super accurate for everyone. Like I remember this one girl asked me about her grandmother who had died and wanted to talk to her grandmother. And so I just kind of tuned in and found the grandmother and said all these things. And she started crying and freaking out. And I’m like, uh-oh, what did I do? You know? And, and then I realized, wait a minute, there’s something that other people can’t do, like other people can’t do this and there’s something that I am doing. And, um, and, uh, I, well, the good thing of that, I mean, she was freaked out. We had to calm her down, but the good thing was I became a hot ticket on the slumber party. Yeah.

Adrian

Do me do me! Do me next! [laughing]

Isa Gucciardi

I’d be like, yeah, you know, so, but, but it took me a while. I mean, that was kind of, you know, you know, not the most sacred set and setting for this sort of thing, you know, and, and, um, but my interest in altered states was, was always strong because of this early experience. And my interest in altered states increased over time as I really felt a further disconnection from the way in which people were expressing themselves and what they were saying and what they were actually thinking. You know, like, that was like really obvious to me, you know? And, and it was, um, you know, it was very disorienting. Like, it wasn’t comfortable. Like I didn’t, it made me feel really wary, you know, like that people could lie so much about something, you know, there’d be saying something that wasn’t true. And then thinking this other thing. And it made me feel, you know, like I really didn’t know what to do with all that and it was happening all around me and you know, I, and I didn’t really wound up spending, I mean I’m a very social person on one level, you know, like I like being with people. I think they’re interesting, I like helping people. Um, but I really had to spend a lot of time alone because there that disconnect was something that I was really trying to metabolize. And so I started really getting serious about exploring altered states of awareness. And I started meditating early on, you know, my Buddhist experience early on brought me back to zen and, um, you know, as a teenager and you know, exploring the altered state through meditation was, um, you know, of course very nourishing and yet there was always, um, this experience there I felt was a little stark, especially in Zen. Zen is quite stark. And I mean, I understand why they want to kind of have this kind of flat aesthetic so that you’re not distracted by external things. Like, I understand that the reason for it, but, um, it, you know, I, um, I had spent so much time with nature and with the beauty of nature and all of the changing forms internally of nature and I didn’t really buy into this idea that you shouldn’t have a lot of color and form and sound and light that could be part of the teaching. Right. And I, again, I understand the idea of having this stillness, this spaciousness, this depth of experience that does not contain a lot of other elements to it. And I certainly to this day, I have a practice of shamata, which is the essence of zen meditation where you’re really just focusing into the stillness and spaciousness. But I found it difficult to receive teachings actually. Like I could receive the teachings of the stillness, but if I had specific questions, I, you know, when I went into, when I was in nature as a child, I could ask the trees anything. I mean, they would give me all kinds of information and all kinds of teachings. And some of the most profound teachings I’ve ever received are from plants. And, um, so when I encountered shamanism, which I encountered actually because had moved around so much growing up, I first encountered it, um, it among the wechel ranch hands that took care of this ranch that I got sent to, um, when I wasn’t in school, uh, when we were living in Texas. So I spent a lot of time with those people and you know, they, they were really kind and they would show me, you know, what kinds of plants would you know, be needed for a specific, like if I had a cold or something, they would go out and pick plants with me and show me how to prepare them. And they taught me how to ride horses and they were just generally really kind. And I, and I started realizing these people are making the bridge between humans and nature. Like they were very integrated with nature and um, and the kindness and the sweetness of nature was within them. And that was a big deal for me. And, uh, you know, I tried to understand, you know, where’s this coming from? And they didn’t give me specific teachings in Shamanism, but there was always, you know, a wise, a wise man who would arrive and do ceremonies on the edge of the Mesa. And so I got very intrigued with that. You know, I was like, what is going on here? You know, and, um, and uh, and you know, there was, um, you know, just a real inoculation there. And later, I mean, just a few years later, I started studying pottery techniques. I was really fascinated with pit firing and, uh, the Pueblo Indians just north of that sort of in southern New Mexico, just north of northern Mexico where I’d been, um, that those people were very similar in some ways. Um, in terms of the potters were very connected to nature. You know, we would, we would dig the clay and, you know, we were making offerings to the land, thanking them for the clay. And I’ve got really drawn into shamanic practice like that. That was where it really started, you know, like through art, you know, through, through the exploration of the elements through pottery. I really got drawn into shamanic practice and started studying, you know, I had started studying a lot of different cultures already because I lived all over the world and I was really interested in the way that different cultures brought forward, different aspects of experience. And I really got interested in the way in which shamanic practice correlated with artistic practice in different cultures. And I started studying them more academically and actually got my first degree in cultural and linguistic anthropology and that, you know, cultural anthropology is really an academic study of shamanism. And, um, so I became exposed to the concept of the journey, the way of altering the state of awareness with song, with dance and with sound. And from me, the shamanic journey was just the most natural thing in the world. You know, like, I mean, I had already been doing it, you know, from, since I was two, you know. And I was really enthralled and I worked, um, you know, as a, you know, I mean, you know, I had been doing more and more work with my kind of quote unquote psychic capacities. I worked as a ground, for this pretty famous psychic and, you know, started doing a little bit of channeling on my own. And Michael Harner found out that I was a medium and asked me to do, I was a medium for him for many years and, um, wound up studying with him and he helped formalize some of the knowledge that I had received from working with all these different native Americans, um, in, you know, more of an artistic context but within shamanic practice and, um, that, you know, and then, but there was a way in which Michael was working with the journey, which I thought was, I thought it was great. You know, Michael is amazing person and we have to, we all owe him a great deal of respect because he was an anthropologist that wasn’t looking down on these little brown people that he was studying, which was the main thing that was happening in anthropology even, you know, up into the 70s. Yeah. So, um, uh, you know, I think, you know, the, you know, he was one of the first people who really, truly respected the people he was studying I think. And, or he said he did. You know, a lot of people didn’t say that. And um, so through, um, you know, so, so he, you know, he would teach the journey and you know, and it was interesting the way he was working with it. But in traditional shamanic practice, the journey is designed to establish a relationship with the unseen powers of nature. That’s what the journey is about. It’s a way of opening the worlds so that you can learn how to connect with the unseen forms of nature and then learn how to work with them in order to do things like divination or healing or a ceremony or conflict resolution. These are the kinds of uses that you might find with the journey in a traditional setting. But, um, you know, over time, you know, there was a lot that happened in between that experience and where I’m getting ready to go right now. But I, when I started teaching the journey, I really felt that we needed to work with the tools of the journey in a more modern way. Modern in that the modern psyche, you know, you’re talking about this crisis of meaning, you know, and I think it’s so wonderful that you’re focusing there. And I would love to talk about that forever, but, but one of the big issues with modern people is this crisis of meaning. And you know, you, you there, there is not within western culture, any kind of paradigm about spiritual evolution that is non dogmatic in nature. And, and you know, the real big problem with the spiritual education in the West is, you know, a big part of it is mediated by men who are hurting little boys and little girls. You know, like, so that’s a big issue. You know, there’s like the, the places where people might have gone for some kind of spiritual evolution, you know, really, you know, people could not trust anymore. And, um, and then you go to science with psychotherapy and there’s no discussion. You’re not allowed to talk about spirit. So people are coming with these issues, these crisis of meaning, the spiritual emergencies. And there’s nowhere to go. And, you know, I thought we should be working with the journey to help people understand how to deal with these issues, this sense of betrayal, the sense of loss, this sense of emptiness, this sense of abandonment that people feel, um, as a result of the families and the social structures breaking down that are supposed to support those kinds of inquiries to help people feel connected, whole, uh, useful, able to bring forward their gifts and have them received in a coherent way. You know, like that’s just not happening. So I had been studying Buddhism, you know, since a very young age and within Buddhist practice there is a very powerful form of the Vipassana Meditation that is sort of the next phase of meditation after Shamata where you have this focused inward, uh, attention into this stillness and the spaciousness. And once you attain that, you can then, if you choose, use that space of stillness and s and, and, and quiet to begin to use your mind in a form of inquiry into the nature of something. And this is Vipassana where you bring, this is one form of the Vipassana where you bring a particular issue in to that space that you’ve created and you allow your mind to open it through inquiry. And, um, I thought, let’s use the journey for that. Let’s ask questions that have to do with helping people come back to a sense of wholeness to a sense of meaning. And so we, I started developing this method of questioning that was more Buddhist in nature. Like what is, what is the nature of my creative source for instance, or what, what do I need to know about the relationship with my father in order to be able to form relationships with other men, right. In a whole way. Or, um, you know, what are the circumstances under which this fear that I have in the dark developed, right? So, so those kinds of questions are not the kinds of questions that are typically asked in a traditional shamanic practice, but they are the kinds of questions that might be addressed in a more kind of a broad minded Buddhist practice. So I combined the two. And so when we were teaching the shamanic journey within applied shamanism, it is designed toward personal evolution rather than toward only understanding the forces of nature and asking them to participate in the affairs of humans in a way that is beneficial, which of course I still teach that as well. That’s a big part of the applied shamanism program. But this use of the journey within applied shamanism is unique and I think it’s uniquely suited to the crisis that what you’re calling the crisis of meaning that we’re experiencing in the modern time. So that’s a really long answer to your question, how I become involved with the Shamanic journey. But there you go.

Thal

That was actually amazing. You just answered a few questions that we actually had lined up too in a linear fashion. So it’s just like, thank you. That was an amazing answer.

Isa Gucciardi

Oh, good. I’m glad. It’s helpful.

Adrian

Yeah. And just to see the combination of the, your exposure to Shush Shamanic culture and your Buddhist practice and that merging, you know, which is what I sense was the genesis of your depth hypnosis methodology. Um, could you share a little bit about what depth hypnosis is and perhaps what it’s not and what are some misconceptions people have when they first encounter that?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, the first misconception that people have is that it is not death hypnosis. People often think it’s D-E-A-T-H. It’s D-E-P-T-H hypnosis. And depth hypnosis is not stage hypnosis. Um, it’s not, one of the big issues with hypnosis is actually justified in that, um, people use hypnosis and a kind of performance kind of way to subjugate the will of another person as entertainment. And I mean, this could not be further from the purposes of depth hypnosis. And you find this even in clinical practice, you find hypnotists are drawn to hypnosis because they like the idea that they’re going to have power over someone’s capacity to move in and out of the different states of awareness. And I see this still, I see it frequently. Um, like at conferences, people get off on that idea and um, you know, if I’ve only had a couple of people come through my classes, I guess they didn’t read the fine print well enough thought they could do that kind of thing. And they lasted about an hour in class. Um, so, um, the, uh, the, the point of depth hypnosis is quite different in terms of alignment, which is that the depth hypnosis practitioner aligns with the will of the higher self of the person. They are serving, right? And so there’s this idea of service and it’s this idea of alignment with the highest good of the person that you’re working with. So you really are entering into a very sacred space when you’re entering into the inner world of another person. And with depth hypnosis, we really recognize and honor the privilege that we’ve been granted and work very hard to leave no traces. Uh, you know, I always say you never want to leave any footprints behind when you’ve been working with someone in an altered state. You want whatever their experiences to be felt by them to be arising from them and you want them to be engaged in such a way that they are empowered in the process and not passive. So that’s a big difference with depth hypnosis and other forms of hypnotherapy is that the clients are often passive and in depth hypnosis we seek to involve everyone in their process so that they are more empowered so that they are not depending on someone else ultimately to provide them with meaning about their experience, that they are discovering the meaning of their experience themselves. So this is, this is a very, very basic part of depth hypnosis in terms of orientation and how it is different from other forms of hypnosis. And other forms of hypnotherapy. Um, and then of course within depth hypnosis, there’s a hundred other things that make it different from other forms of hypnosis and hypnotherapy, which is Shamanism in Buddhism. Right? And also the integration of energy medicine, which is at the heart of both shamanic and Buddhist practice. And um, you know, it all takes its seat within the Western clinical practice in transpersonal psychology rather than in clinical psychology because in clinical psychology there really is not this idea that the participation of spirit is part of the therapeutic process. And of course in transpersonal psychology there is definitely the invitation toward the transcendent to participate in the therapeutic experience. And so depth hypnosis takes its place within that seat of western therapeutic practice because we are definitely always working with the transcendent and helping the person try to understand what their relationship is to this deeper place within them, where their deeper experience is held and that deeper experience is going to have the solution to whatever the symptom they are trying to address with the therapeutic process and working with depth hypnosis, helping a person move into an altered state of awareness generally through suggestions for relaxation helps them access that transcendent aspect of themselves that in Buddhism is called Buddha-nature. This aspect of the self that is compassionate kind wise or in Shamanic practice would be referred to as core power, the part of them that is connected to their creative sources in a powerful way. And um, and in through the connection with that part of the self, then the issues that lie in the symptoms that are creating problems such as fear of flying or binge eating or too much alcohol consumption or anxiety or kind of obsessive kinds of mental processes or chronic fatigue or any of the different layers or layers of experience that the symptoms might be manifesting on. They are assisted and brought to resolution by helping the person move into this altered state of awareness where they encounter this transcendent part of themselves. And then they also encounter the roots and sources of the symptoms that they have come into the therapeutic process to heal.

Thal

Um, so speaking of the experiential and practical side of things, um, I don’t know, are you open to maybe take us and our listeners through a live journey of depth hypnosis or a sample? A taste?

Isa Gucciardi

Sure.

Thal

Okay. Cool.

Isa Gucciardi

Do you want to do that now?

Adrian

Yeah that would be great!

Isa Gucciardi

Let’s, um, let’s do that process that I talked about where you’re connecting with your Buddha nature or in depth hypnosis, we call it the part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent. And the reason we use that phraseology is because it’s neutral, right? It’s like if somebody hears Buddha nature, they’re like, oh no, somebody is trying to proselytize me.

Thal

Yes, yes.

Isa Gucciardi

Or if they hear helping spirit, which is the words that are often used in Shamanic practice and connecting with Shamanic teachers through the journey, then they hear the word spirit and they get really allergic. Really fast.

Thal

Spooked out.

Isa Gucciardi

Right. Exactly. It’s good. Right. So we use this, this phrase, the part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent because that allows anyone to access the transcendent within them in a way that has meaning for them, right? So that’s what we’ll be doing right now. So just allowing yourself to get settled, noticing all the places where the surface do you meets different parts of your body. And as you do, just noticing where your breath is, noticing as you breathe in, where your breath goes. And noticing as you breathe out where your breath goes. And just becoming aware of the way in which your breath is like a bridge between your outer world and your inner world. And just allowing yourself with each breath to draw a bit closer into your inner world, into that place where everything that you’ve ever known or felt or sensed or dreamed or imagined is recorded. And as you come into this place, just knowing that we’re here today to connect with a part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent and which you may experience through any of your senses, or you may sense, for instance, hearing this part of yourself, you may see this part of yourself. You may feel this part of yourself and just knowing that it may take any form that has meaning to you, such as an animal or a plant, or a person, or a light or a sound, or a mythic or angelic being. And just allowing yourself for now, however, to just return to your breath and as you do, just allowing yourself to sense or feel or imagine that as you breathe in that you can draw a sense of relaxation that you may have noticed is a rising all around you and just allowing yourself on your next breath to bring that sense of relaxation up into your head and face. Just letting the muscles, your eyes and jaw let go of any tension they might be carrying and feeling that same relaxation flowing down into your neck and throat, down into your shoulders, your arms and hands. And on your next breath I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that same relaxation filling your lungs and just noticing how your heart feels is that relaxation flows throughout your chest, down into your belly, bathing all of your organs of digestion and elimination and reproduction in a soothing bath of relaxing energy and just feeling that same relaxation flowing down through your hips, down to your legs, all the way down to your feet. And on your next breath, I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that that relaxation has created a star or Sun at the base of your skull. And I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that star or Sun radiating throughout your mind, harmonizing your brainwaves and just noticing that is your mind. Relax. Your body feels even more relaxed and that as your body relaxes, your mind feels even more relaxed. And just noticing the connection between your mind and your body as you allow that relaxation to flow down your spine, vertebra by vertebra, relaxing all the nerves and muscles in your back, all the way down to the base of your skull, down through your bottom and down through the back of your legs, all the way to your feet again. And I’m wondering if you might notice now that you’re so filled with this relaxation that it could actually be coming out of the pores of your skin and surrounding you in a cocoon or a cloud of soothing, relaxing energy and as you feel supported in this way. I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine there’s a staircase here before you and that staircase leads to the place within you where you’ll encounter this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent and which you may experience through any of your senses in any form that has meaning to you. So just allowing yourself now as I count from 10 to one to travel along the staircase knowing that when we reach one you’ll be in the place where you’ll be very close or in the presence of this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent. So 10 just finding your feet on the stair, noticing if the stairs made of wood or stone or some other material. Nine feeling your hand on something like a guard rail and a knowing that you have complete control over this process and that you can come back to the surface at any time if you’re uncomfortable for any reason, but seven knowing that you can actually go quite deeply because you do want to understand this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent better. Six, just allowing all of your inner senses to open quite widely. Now five, your inner sense of taste, touch and smell, your inner sense of sight and hearing that especially that sixth sense of just knowing, allowing them all to open quite widely for as you focus now on a place perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at peace. Three, knowing that you can trust the impressions that you’re receiving as you focus even more intently on this place, perhaps in nature where you felt comfortable and at peace. Two, knowing that you can allow your conscious mind with any doubt or fear to simply rest as you focus even more intently on this place. Perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at and one, just allowing yourself now as you get to the end of the stair to step out into this place, this place perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at peace and as you do just taking a deep breath and noticing the particular odour of this place and allowing that smell to bring you into even deeper contact with it. Noticing the quality of the light, listening for any sounds and just noticing if the wind is still on your cheek or if there’s a breeze and just letting yourself rest here. Noticing perhaps for the first time in a long time how much this place is a part of you and how much you’re apart of this place. Just finding yourself in that connection, resting, noticing all of the different qualities of this place. Just noticing with all of your senses, if there’s any particular aspect of this place that’s drawing your attention more strongly than others and just allowing your attention to be drawn to the place that’s drawing your attention most strongly and allowing all of your senses to move to that place. You may be being drawn to a plant or an animal or a light or a sound, or perhaps even a mythic or angelic being, or perhaps even a person or some other form that has meaning for you here and as your attention is drawn to that place, focus all of your senses there and ask this question, would you be willing to guide me and protect me? Would you be willing to guide me and protect me and listening knowing that you may receive that answer with any of your senses. You may hear the answer as a verbal message. You may experience the answer is a telepathic message. There may be a knowing or there may be some action on the part of this potential guide for you or there may be a change in the environment that would indicate the answer to this question. Would you be willing to guide me and protect me and as you receive this answer, if the answer is yes, you can simply become aware of the different qualities of this guide, the nature of its power, its personality, and if the answer is no, don’t worry. There’ll be another opportunity to connect. Just allowing yourself now to rest in this answer and just bringing this answer, this connection back with you. Now as you come back gently to the surface, I’ll count from one to 10 and as I do one, just allowing yourself to return along the same path that you came. Two, knowing that you can return here at any time. Three, and feeling the connection with this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent, growing stronger. Four, and deep. Five, with each number. Six, as you come back closer to the surface. Seven, feeling this surface under you. Again, Eight. And when you’re ready, just stretching a bit. Nine. And when you’re ready, just opening your eyes and 10 you’ll be back in the room remembering everything.

Thal

Wow. That was amazing. Thank you.

Isa Gucciardi

You’re welcome. And maybe just take a minute to review your experience so you can kind of integrated a bit and you know, your listeners may want to go ahead and write down their experience while it’s fresh.

Thal

Mm hmm. The thing that stands out for me is, um, for a moment I felt like different pieces of my life sort of came together and I, you know, I mean, I don’t want to interpret or anything, but just, just wanted to share that.

Isa Gucciardi

That’s wonderful. You might want to really explore that further. Yes, yes. And what the meaning of that might be. Um, because you know, one of the things that, um, you know, this is actually a Shamanic process. It’s an adaptation of the Shamanic journey. And you know, this is typical of depth hypnosis. What it does is it brings Shamanic and Buddhist and energy medicine and hypno-therapeutic processes into an everyday conversation so that people can access, um, deeper parts of themselves in order to heal more deeply. And what you just described, different parts of yourself coming together or different parts of your experience coming together. This, from a Shamanic perspective would be, an expected effect of a power retrieval and the shamanic journey is a power retrieval in that it is helping the person connect with power within themselves in order to be able to feel more whole. So you kind of just had that experience. Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. Thank you. That was such a beautiful journey. I want to ask, because you mentioned, you know, even for listeners if they want to pause and take notes, what would you advise to do after an experience like that? Or maybe what would you advise against? Um, can you do it wrong? What, what, when, you know, in terms of beginner mistakes that when one starts to journey this way.

Isa Gucciardi

Um, well if you follow the, the, the process that I prescribed is this very hard to like do something wrong. Um, but one of the things that can happen, um, is that sometimes when people start to go inward for the first time, they may encounter issues that they had kind of been keeping it at arm’s length. And so sometimes people will feel a little anxious or something like that. And I always recommend when people start feeling that at the beginning of the process. If that happens for you, then you would, you know, one thing that I would say is let that anxiousness just rest for a little while because we are going to connect with a form of power that’s going to help you with that anxiousness. If you can just let it rest, you’re going to get some help with it. So if that happened for someone, you know, there’s a little bit of advice. And then in terms of, um, what would be the next, the next steps, you know, you probably need a little bit of guidance but you can connect back with that teacher. You can follow the same path that you took and you can ask a question. And, um, this is one of the things that we focus on extensively in the shamanic journey class is how to form questions and how to interpret answers. And, but for now, just try to stay with a one part question and that doesn’t begin with why. And, um, just go ahead and follow that same path back to this teacher. Ask Your question and then again, allow for the emerging of the answer in a variety of ways. Again, there may be a telepathic or verbal message. There may be a visceral experience. There may be an action on the part of the teacher and you may have to interpret it. Um, and I, you know, there is on the, on the website there’s going to be a class coming up specifically for distance learners. Um, we have time zone experiences that are suited for everyone around the world now and, um, that’ll be coming up in August, but we’ll also be teaching the Shamanic journey on Pacific time. Um, so if that’s not too onerous for someone living life, for instance in Toronto, that’s not too hard. Um, you can tune in distance learning to the live class and you can get more instruction and guidance on posing questions and interpreting answers. And also I’ll be teaching a class on dreams coming up very shortly, um, online and in that class I spend a lot of time helping people understand how to interpret their dreams, which is a very similar process to interpreting the experience in the shamanic journey. So that would be a place where people could also get some insight on interpretation. So, um, you know, I think that the other thing that I think is really important, um, is to really like as you’re falling asleep at night or waking up in the morning to just connect with this part of yourself just as a, as a way of deepening the bond with it and becoming aware of it in your daily life. Um, a lot of times what I like to do after doing a power retrieval for someone is to give them a little present, like a stone or you know, um, you know, a leaf or some other form of nature that they can kind of just keep in their pocket. Um, and then when they touch it in their pocket, they remember the connection and that helps integrate this sense of guidance and protection into your everyday life and it changes the way you are in the world, you know. Um, and one last thing that I would say not to do is I wouldn’t like when you’re working in this way, um, it’s important to know who you’re talking to before you talk about your experience. You know, in Buddhism there’s this concept, you know, having the ears to hear and eyes to see, you know, I wouldn’t like, you know, talk about this deep connection that you have with your guide, you know, to a bunch of drunk people, you know, I get why they probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate it and it might drain the power, you know? So here’s a thought.

Thal

Yeah. And along those lines too, like, um, I was thinking, um, you know, you had mentioned that sometimes these types of journeying brings up, um, uh, things that people have kept in the shadows, sort of. So maybe to have self compassion and not to have lots of expectations when doing these steps of journeying and maybe if someone needs to seek a therapist or a counsellor or even a friend to process that, that’s important too.

Isa Gucciardi

Great idea. Excellent idea. And you know, there’s a lot of depth hypnosis practitioners that work on the phone and you can find them at a DepthHypnosisPractitioners.org If you find like you want more help, you know, there’s, and there’s also applied shamonic practitioners that are available as well at AppliedShamanism.org.

Thal

Amazing. Okay. Um, there’s this question that have been sitting with really even before the interview. Um, I know you touched upon it a little bit earlier when you mentioned, um, the connection between Buddhism, Shamanism, anthropology, modernity, academia. Um, the question of what shamanism means has been coming up a lot lately, I’ve noticed. There’s a lot of discussion on the Internet, um, you know, uh, issues of cultural appropriation and what not. So, um, uh, what are your thoughts around that issue?

Isa Gucciardi

Um, well, the definition of Shamanism, the basic thing about Shamanic practice is that it is a method for understanding the wisdom of the earth and for bringing the unseen powers that are contained in the forms of nature into the affairs of humans. That is the essential definition of Shamanism. The word ‘Shaman’ is actually a Mongolian language the Tongas word, which means “he or she who knows”. And of course what the person knows is how the world of the unseen affect the world of the scene and how the world of the seen affects the world of the unseen. And so that the Shaman is always moving back and forth across what most people experience as a kind of divide. But, um, from the Shaman, those kinds of divides the, the veil between the seen and the unseen is very thin and, um, you know, the veil between life and death is very thin. You know, these. Um, so there’s this, you’re working constantly with the forces of nature to deepen your own understanding of these forces and to understand how to work with them again, to serve the community and things like divination or conflict-mediation or healing. And, um, this is what I’ve just described is true of all Shamanic practices across the world.

Thal

Yes.

Isa Gucciardi

And, um, you might find different kinds of cultural settings because of the climate. Or the nature of the land where the practice is, is done. Um, uh, or, um, you know, there may be certain types of rituals or ceremonies that are different in one place than another, but the actual underlying energetic experience is similar across the globe. And this is because the earth is the teacher and all Shamanic practitioners are learning from the earth in their own particular setting and their own particular way. But the teachings are very similar that emerge in different parts of the earth. And yet there are some areas of the earth that provide specific types of teachings. Like, you know, there may be some areas on the earth that where there’s a lot of teaching about the intelligence of plants and there may be another place on the earth where the earth is teaching about life and death. You know there’s many different courses that the earth offers in terms of..

Thal

Contextual courses.

Isa Gucciardi

Right, right, exactly. So, and you know, in terms of cultural appropriation, you know, the earth belongs to all beings and all beings have not only the right, but the responsibility to learn to listen to the earth and to bring the earth into their hearts and to allow the earth to bring her into the her heart in order to learn. And, you know, there’s different, um, again, cultural settings that you could access like a cultural ceremony, like a Sundance where you can access the teachings of the earth through that ceremony that is particular to that particular cultural setting. Um, but, you know, you would need to be invited in order to use that access point, you would need to have the permission of the peoples who have set up that access point.

Thal

An initiation of sorts?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, you know, to be brought through an initiation or just, you know, have permission to be nearby, right? And I think that if, you know, I think that, um, you know, it’s important to respect different access points that are held in different cultures. Um, and you know, certainly it’s important for a person who’s interested in Shamanic practice to develop their own relationship with the helping spirits of nature and to, and to understand why they are doing that and how they’re doing that in their own way. It doesn’t have to be through a cultural context. And certainly in applied shamanism, I’m quite specific about stripping cultural trappings from the practices. And the reason that I do that is because I’m trying to bring these practices into the modern time and make them as relevant as possible to the problems of modern people. But I’m also very careful not to try to use any kind of practice that is part of a cultural setting that I don’t have the permission to use. So I’m never worried about cultural appropriation because I’m very clean in the way that I work, um, you know, I have a respect for all Shamanic practices that are working within the light. And, um, I think that, uh, um, I certainly understand how people in certain cultural environments would be upset to have people coming in from the outside and trying to kind of consume their spiritual practices. And I do think that’s inappropriate, but I, at the same time, I think it’s important for people to understand that the earth belongs to all of us and we do have that responsibility to respect and honor her. And what better way to learn how to do that than to learn from the unseen powers that she holds within her and Shamanic practice is offers a pathway to that learning.

Adrian

Isa, it’s been such a rich conversation. I want to bring this to a close with sort of a two part question. Um, on the one hand, we’re experiencing this renaissance of the psychedelic interest in exploration and healing. I want to hear your thoughts and what you’re excited about and perhaps what you’re concerned about with this trend. And maybe just to along with that question is what is your vision of the future of consciousness exploration and healing?

Isa Gucciardi

Well I think that the, you know, in terms of the renewed interest in psychedelics, I think it’s a wonderful, um, and I also think that again, it comes with responsibilities and, um, I think that it’s important, um, to not approach a psychedelic plants or psychotropic plants with the kind of consumer attitude. Like what can you do for me kind of attitude. I think it’s important to enter into the realm of the plants from a place of respect and to remember that within Shamanic practice, the work with plants is very broad. It doesn’t only focus on psychotropic plants, the, the use of plants in all Shamanic cultures for healing is a specialized area of study for Shamanic practitioners. And understanding the broader intelligence of plants from that context is very important before you even begin to think about the realms of being that the psychotropic plants open to the practitioner or, and so I think we have to keep it, you know, the exploration of psychotropic plants well seated within traditional Shamanic practice that includes the broader intelligence of plants. So this is very, very important. Um, and I think that, uh, uh, of course the pitfalls are many because you have people who are facilitating plant circles that may not have this deeper understanding, may not have their intentionality as clear as it might be. But I think, you know, if you, if you do due diligence and you understand that the nature of the facilitator, the kind of education and intention they have, excuse me. Um, and let me just get a little drink of water. Thank you. Um, and if you are sincere in your own seeking, like I wouldn’t just drop into a plant circle off the street. I would make it part of a larger spiritual inquiry, to be very clear on what your intentionality is in engaging with the plants and to set an intention to receive teachings and to a particular area of your life that needs healing or clarity and, to set your intention in that way. I mean, the plants will do what they’re going to do, but by, by having the discipline to open yourself to places where the plant might best assist you is important. And also, I think it’s important after the experience to spend some time integrating what you have learned and to really not engage with psychotropic plants until again, until you have integrated what you have learned. And you know, in the plant medicine insight integrations program that we have as part of our Applied Shamanism program here at the sacred stream, we teach people how to facilitate, uh, you know, sessions beforehand that are Depth Hypnosis or Shamanic counselling in nature to help people focus and sessions afterwards to help people integrate. And I think this is really key and really fundamental to working with the plants to be working in this larger, larger context. Um, and you know, I think, you know, for me, I’m always concerned about the depletion of the plants and I think that we need to create farms. We need to create sustainable practices of harvesting and we need to keep front and center how incredibly lucky we are to be able to have access to this wisdom and to protect it’s access with our respect and, um, with our practice.

Thal

It’s like we need more wisdom to actually access wisdom traditions in some ways.

Isa Gucciardi

In some ways, that’s true. Yeah, and actually that’s, you just said what I do [laughing]. Here’s the tools. Like let’s try them on, let’s use them. Where did they take us? What did we learn?

Thal

Right, right, right.

Isa Gucciardi

Yes. Very important. Very, very insightful comment there.

Thal

Thank you.

Adrian

Thank you so much for today. We’re going to provide all those links for listeners to access the programs, Sacred Stream, and thanks for the guided journey. That was wonderful.

Thal

Yes. That was amazing. Thank you.

Isa Gucciardi

You’re so welcome. It’s such a pleasure. I’m so inspired by your dedication to the work. Congratulations.

Thal

Thank you so much. Thank you.

#15: From Ecstasy to Remedy – MDMA Therapy with Anne Wagner

As the so-called third wave of psychedelic renaissance unfolds, the notion of self-improvement has taken a new and deeper meaning. After a long slumber, the field of mental health is waking up to the therapeutic potentialities of these powerful tools in relieving symptoms of depression, PTSD, addiction, and fear surrounding terminal illness. Targeted towards beginners, Michael Pollen’s book How To Change Your Mind, published in the summer of 2018, propelled the conversation around psychedelics to the forefront. Whether it is MDMA, LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca, or others, the potential for consciousness expansion and psycho-spiritual growth is immense.

The FDA recently granted “Breakthrough Therapy” Designation to MDMA for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and is currently in phase 3 clinical trials. Popularly known as a recreational drug, and as the main ingredient in ecstasy, MDMA is paving the way for the possible near-term legalization of psychedelic therapy.

On this episode, we talk to Anne Wagner, a clinical psychologist and one of the lead investigators involved in the MAPS funded clinical trials of MDMA + cognitive-based psychotherapy for PTSD. Anne tells us how she ended up working in the cutting edge of psychedelic science and what these studies offer for the future of mental health. In her clinical practice, Anne applies a cognitive-behavioural and mindfulness-based approach to therapy and she also offers preparation and integration of psychedelic and non-ordinary state experiences. We got to connect with Anne at her new clinic, Remedy in Toronto. 

Highlights:

  • MDMA + Cognitive Based Conjoint Therapy for PTSD
  • Leading Psychedelic Research
  • The Future of Mental Health

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal

Welcome Anne to the show.

Anne Wagner

Thanks so much for having me.

Thal

Thank you.

Adrian

Yeah, we’re sitting in your space, Remedy in Toronto. No, actually that’s one of the things we do want to ask you about is to learn more about the work that you’re doing here. Um, but before we dive into your current work. We tend to like to go backwards and just learn about your journey and how you got interested in the intersections between psychology, psychedelic science and specifically the MDMA studies and how did that all come together for you?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So it was not a planned path, that’s for sure. Adding these things together. So I knew pretty early on that I wanted to pursue psychology. So within, you know, the first two years of my undergrad degree, I decided that psychology was something I found really interesting. And the thing that I liked the most about it was just the breadth and depth that you could have within one field. So you could be, um, learning how to run studies. You could be seeing clients, you could be investigating all kinds of different things that have to do with the human psyche and our experiences in the world. So, uh, that to me, the ability to be able to have a life where I got to ask lots of questions and be constantly learning and changing seemed really appealing. So I started that in my undergrad and then decided that, you know, clinical psychology was probably the right route for me. And I started Grad school at Ryerson in Ryerson University in Toronto and I started that in 2007 so I started my master’s and my PhD at Ryerson and then my internship at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. And then I went back to Ryerson and did a five year post doc and it was during that post doc that I really, uh, developed a really strong love and interest in working with trauma. And that would have been something that I had always been interested in. And I’d done work in my PhD, uh, working with my mentor Candice Monson, uh, around treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder. And then in my postdoc that really got honed into how do we work with and improve the treatments that we have or potentially make new treatments for PTSD. So, and the reason why I found that so compelling was that the treatments we have, they worked for some people some of the time. And that’s amazing. When they work, you see such incredible change for folks, especially with PTSD. Feeling like that feels permanent or like people are totally changed from how they were before. And, um, the idea that someone can really have their world open up and be able to have a new future after that to me was absolutely compelling. And, um, you know, I tell the story sometimes that my, I think my interest really started in that given my grandfather was a World War II vet and he worked with Veterans Affairs Canada as an under administer of veterans affairs. And, um, he really, really believed in supporting the veterans in terms of their experiences. And at the time, you know, we didn’t have a word for PTSD after World War II, but he knew that there were lots of people who were struggling after their experiences. So I kind of grew up understanding that this was after really challenging and traumatic experiences oftentimes that people have no choice whatsoever in the circumstances in which they’re placed, um, that we owe our brothers and sisters, you know, the ability to help work through, move forward and heal in different ways. So, um, that all kind of started to resonate and coalesce when I was in my post doc and, uh, I was working with Candace on some studies around this treatment that she developed a called Cognitive Behavioural Conjoint Therapy for PTSD. And so it’s a couple’s treatment and that to me was so interesting and fit with my values in terms of being able to work interpersonally with folks and seeing the impact not just on the person, but on their relationships, on their families, on their communities, in terms of how trauma impacts us. So we were doing work with CBCT and testing that in various ways when Candice was approached by the team at MAPS around it, which is the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies about potentially collaborating. And the MAPS team had been looking at the use of MDMA for the treatment of PTSD, uh, for many years at that point, over a dozen years. And, uh, with, you know, the steps before that having taken, you know, another 15 before that. So there was some conversations and I was really lucky to just kind of parachute into this conversation right at the beginning with Candice and we decided to be open minded and give it a go. And so, um, the really exciting piece for me was that I have no idea about psychedelic use in psychotherapy at that point. Like zilch.

Adrian

What year was this?

Anne Wagner

Uh, this would have been in 2013. So I went from literally no knowledge to now running clinical trials with MDMA. And it’s been the most impactful transition for me, um, in terms of my own trajectory and growth and as both a person but also as a researcher and a clinician. So a lot has changed in six years, that’s for sure. And, uh, yeah, at that point, that’s when we started to work on this pilot study of Cognitive Behavioural Conjoint Therapy plus MDMA for the treatment of PTSD. And that started off by Candice and I getting to have our own MDMA therapy experiences through a study for therapists that gave them the experience of understanding what that feels like. And that for me was the thing that convinced me that this was going to be worth my time and energy and putting a lot of love behind this work. So yeah, that was the starting point. That session would have been in spring of 2014 and it’s been kind of history since then in terms of getting this going. So, yeah.

Thal

Um something I’m thinking about when you’re talking about PTSD, um, a lot of people connect it only with veterans. Granted veterans have, you know, they go through a lot and they see all kinds of horrible scenarios. But there are also different types of PTSD, complex PTSD. Um, there are people that, you know, due to childhood trauma have PTSD. So maybe we can, if you can just talk about PTSD a little bit.

Anne Wagner

Sure. Yeah. So PTSD arises from a whole number of different traumatic experiences in people’s lives and they can be, it can be for repeated experiences like a childhood abuse experiences. It can be from repeated exposure to adverse details. For example, first responders are prime for that experience. It can be from single incidents, like it could be from an assault or an accident or witnessing something really traumatic happening to somebody else. Um, and it can be, as you said, for veterans from the experiences of war. It can be from displacement, it can be from all kinds of different aspects of conflict. So yeah, the idea behind PTSD is it can come from all these different things. Um, but it often looks the same in terms of its presentation in terms of what it looks like and people feeling like their need to avoid things that remind them of the traumatic experience. Whatever that experience is. There’s the re-experiencing of thoughts and memories associated with the event or events. There’s a hyper arousal that goes alongside of it. So that feeling in your body of being constantly on alert or constantly activated in some way. And then there’s numbing that goes alongside of it as well. So you may have either really strong emotions and really challenging cognitions or you may end up having a numbed out experience where you’re not feeling much at all. And so all of those, that constellation of symptoms, if you will, or things that happen, they all form to make up PTSD. And, uh, the differentiation, you know, between complex PTSD and PTSD, um, is, you know, it’s one where I think people find it really helpful to talk about complex PTSD, to think about the extent of the experience that they’ve had. Um, and what would I find in the research is actually that the treatments that we have for PTSD as just PTSD work for complex PTSD as well. So I think that, um, for me, I, I would get questions around complex PTSD and what I think about that, and you know, I’ve, I’ve done some publishing actually around challenging the construct.

Thal

That there is no real difference.

Anne Wagner

Right. Yeah. And it’s simply because if we really whittle it down, what matters most…

Thal

Is the experience.

Anne Wagner

Is experience. But it’s also, if we’re going to differentiate, it’s usually because we want to figure out how to best help and best treat. And so therefore, if how we treat would be the same, why would we differentiate between the two? I mean, I’m a fan of parsimony, so.

Thal

I like that. Yeah.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. So he was very open to however, however you want to interpret your experience, 100%, that’s, that’s in your hands. Um, but how it guides how we formed treatment, I think is a different way.

Thal

I think the main thing is that because a lot of people who are suffering from PTSD and they’re not veterans, they don’t legitimize their, you know, they feel like, you know, or, or they perceive like, “do you really have PTSD?” Like you, yeah, we’re not in a war zone or something like that.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I do think that helps in terms of, or can I notice it more actually in terms of, uh, folks having a broader understanding of their experience if they feel like they identify with one term another and yeah. I think whatever means to be able to own and accept the experience is useful. Yeah.

Adrian

I put a flag down when you mentioned, um, having that experience with, with Candice the first time you were sort of, sort of convinced that you wanted to do this research.

Anne Wagner

Yeah.

Adrian

Are you comfortable sharing what that experience was like?

Anne Wagner

Sure. Yeah. Um, so yeah. Okay. So the experience of having an MDMA therapy session, uh, so the way it was designed in that first, the thing I participated in, we had one active session and then one placebo session of course that you don’t know which one you’re going to get first and uh,

Adrian

But you’ll pretty quickly know which one… [laughing]

Anne Wagner

Yes. Well, I figured it out, although it was pretty funny about an hour in, I wasn’t, I was not perceiving any effect at that point. And I thought to myself, I was like, “you know, this is probably placebo. All right. Like I’ll have to wait.”

Thal

“Oh, no it’s not!”

Anne Wagner

Oh yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like within 10 minutes. You know, it’s funny, everyone else had seen my blood pressure spike, but I had not seen the, um, the recording side. I had eye shades on and they were all, you know, waiting. And then I’m like, wow. Yeah. Um, so that experience for me was, uh, it was so interesting. It was the most impactful therapeutic experience I’ve ever had. It felt like I was able to check in and all these areas in my life really quickly where without any extra layers on top of it. Like it took away my own judgment and shame and guilt around things. And it let me literally just go through all the areas of my life and go, what do we think about this? What do we think about this? How about that? And it felt like I wasn’t particularly intending to check in these areas, but it allowed me to do that. And it felt like I reached my conclusion easily and readily. And even if that conclusion was ambivalence about something, I was like, great, I’m ambivalent about that. That’s the answer. So it let me not second guess a lot of things that were happening in my internal world. Um, and I found that, that the effects of it lasted for a really long time. I mean, it, it literally that session I felt like I was integrating and processing for, you know, weeks if not months later. But the overall impact for me has been, yeah, well it really, it changed my life and a lot of ways, not just because of the therapy, but also what it had then led to. And I think that that sense of that deep investigation and exploration can really help to shape your trajectory. So, um, yeah, so that was, and I was actually great, really grateful to have a placebo session next. Cause then I just got to integrate the whole experience a few days later. Talk about it going like, wow. All right, so all this stuff happened in that session. I get to chat about it. Now.

Adrian

I guess at that point then, um, what were the next steps after having the experience and then you can ask to go go ahead with the research. Was that the deciding point to, to move along and then to move ahead.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, it, yeah, it certainly was for me, I think we went in pretty open minded, like, you know, curious to explore it, but using that as a, uh, a test to see did we think that this might have value or could you see this working? Um, and so after that we ended up.. Initially we were thinking a lot about, okay, so we’ll go into the experience. So she had these questions in mind and we should think of that. And then as soon as I got into the MDMA experience, I was like, forget it. I’m just having my own experience. I’m not thinking about methodology for study. Right. We basically, we both chose to use that week just to have our own experiences and think through that. And then with time, you know, I quickly made the decision that I wanted to use this as a tool for therapy, but we then gave ourselves a bit of space to then actually start thinking up what that would look like in terms of a treatment and a protocol and things.

Thal

So, so you guys combined the MDMA therapy with uh, you said CBCT. That’s right. It, can you talk to us about that please?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, we use, so CBCT Cognitive Behavioural Conjoined Therapy for PTSD is a 15 session treatment that’s designed for two people to go through the treatment together and uh, those two people could be in any way in relation with each other. It’s generally speaking, is romantic couples who choose to go through treatment together, but it doesn’t mean it has to be. Um, and so within that treatment folks are taken through kind of three main phases of therapy. The first phase is really understanding PTSD. Um, doing some psychoeducation about what PTSD is, what it might look like in your relationship, how it’s impacting you as well as talking about, uh, how anger and aggression can impact the relationship and just beginning to understand what those look like in the relationship and building some skills to counteract that and cope with. And then moving into phase two, we go more specifically into other skill building. So communication skills, like paraphrasing and some problem solving skills and beginning to approach things that the couple has been avoiding. And so we designed these approach tasks with the couple to help them be able to live a life of approach where they’re, you know, engaging together and doing things that they may not have been doing otherwise. And then the third phase specifically moves into making meaning of the traumatic event. And so thinking about areas where each of them, and together they may be stuck around the trauma, um, and thinking through some core themes that are related to trauma. So acceptance and blame are a big one. A control, power, trust, esteem, intimacy, um, post-traumatic growth. So using those. And then, uh, so that’s the framework of CBCT. And then what we did when we added MtMDMA to it was, we put it in strategic places in the protocol where we thought, uh, you know, if we were going to want to boost the effect of what we’re doing, we’d maybe want it in these two places. So one was in right after they’ve learned the communication skills. And so being able to have those skills as a bit of a template to be able to work with the experience together, both during and after. And then again, we placed one right in the heart of the trauma processing. So they’d started some and then we put the MDMA session to allow them to see what else could unravel in that moment and then work with them to integrate it after.

Thal

I think he had mentioned that it’s not only romantic couples, right. Have you guys had different types of dynamics?

Anne Wagner

So in the pilot with the MDMA, it was only romantic couples. Uh, we were open to, the recruitment was open for any type of diet, but it was only couples who came in. Um, but then in case studies that we’ve worked with outside of that study, we’ve seen, um, parent-child, we’ve seen, um, good friends go through it together and trying to think who have had siblings. Yeah. So there’s been a few different constellations.

Thal

And, and do you think the impact of the therapy would be different if it was just singular? Like, just like the person that’s suffering from PTSD without the conjoint.

Anne Wagner

So, I mean there are other therapies…

Thal

Yeah, cause I’m just thinking about the difference between both. Yeah. Um, but I, I do see the benefit of the relational aspect.

Anne Wagner

It’s definitely a different frame in which to conduct the therapy and, um, you know, the individual treatment. Um, for example, Cognitive Processing Therapy, which is going to be the next pilot study that we’re running with MDMA. Um, it is an individually delivered.

Thal

Oh, so you’re going to do that okay.

Anne Wagner

Yeah and the work that’s been done up until now, so, uh, that the MAPS team has been running, has been an individually delivered treatment and it’s with an inner directive supportive psychotherapy for PTSD. So not, uh, specifically one modality, but kind of allowing what comes up. Uh, so partly one of our goals with doing the know the CBCT and now the CPT plus MDMA was to use treatments that have already been tested for treatment for PTSD. And to see when we add MDMA, do you have even broader or stronger effect? Uh, so they’re giving us a different starting point in terms of the evidence in which to see if it’s effective.

Adrian

I wanted to ask if the subjects who were part of that first pilot that you were involved in, were they diagnosed as treatment resistant PTSD? Have they tried other forms of treatment prior to the study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so in this, in the pilot we ran, they didn’t specifically have to be treatment resistant, but they all were. Um, so it was, it just so you know, it people are not necessarily jumping the gun to do this without having tried many different things. So yeah, everyone had had lots of different treatments in the past.

Adrian

I’m so curious. Um, yeah, there’s so many, so many questions. Yeah. I’m thinking a juicy place to dive into is their first experience, you know, if you can share with us perhaps maybe what their experiences were leading up to it and, and the, what the day looked like, when they had it for the first time?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, so folks had some preparation ahead of time, so obviously they’d gone through a consent process. And lots of conversation about what this whole treatment was going to look like. And then they’d had some intensive days or a day and a half, basically of CBCT. So we squished the equivalent of five sessions into a day and a half of CBCT. Um, and so, and some of that day was in the morning of their MDMA session. So they were, uh, mostly quite nervous before their MDMA sessions. Especially a lot of them were either psychedelic or entactogen naive or the experiences they had had where like 20, 30, 40 years ago and you know, university at some point. Um, so never in this context and never with the presumption that they’re going to be talking about trauma. So, uh, yeah, so there was definitely anxiety ahead of time, which we work with and a lot of the partners were quite anxious too, cause you know, they really, okay,

Adrian

They’re coming along for the ride.

Anne Wagner

So yeah. And everyone went through with it and did it. And, uh, so the way the room is designed, when we were doing the sessions, uh, there would be two recliner chairs. And so the couple would sit in those recliner chairs and be able to either have the option of sitting up or lying back, not completely flat, but you know, quite reclined. And then the two therapists would be in the room with them and facing them. And then if people were feeling really activated and they want some support from the therapist, we had like small camper chairs that we would sit beside them on the recliner chairs. So, um, they could have, it’s a little bit space or closeness and, uh, they were close enough to each other that if they reached out, they could touch hands or hold hands or can choose not to if they wanted to as well. And so the way the day was, there really was no structure to the day other than, um, you know, we would encourage them to spend time as we deemed it inside, which means, uh, with headphones on, eyeshades on and just reflecting internally and that experience and other times where they’d be talking with us, talking with their partner in sharing the experiences that were coming up or reflections. Um, so, you know, we’d go through different periods of time inside time outside, and we learned how to better orchestrate interaction between the couple in terms of, you know, at some point someone’s ready to talk and the other one’s deeply in process with something else. So we would, um, we learned how to kind of check in with one or the other, maybe jot down a note and say we’d hold that, that thought for them. And they could go back inside and we’d raise it again when everyone was, you know, out in the room. Yeah. So that’s basically what it looked like.

Thal

What about the role of music.

Anne Wagner

Music plays a very important role and kind of assisting the process. So, you know, allowing for an arc in the experience and having, um, supportive music kind of at the beginning. And then active music as you kind of getting peak effect and then, uh, music that helps with resolution and closer to the end. Um, but you also need to, you know, we had, we were flexible with the music within it. So, um, Annie Mithoefer who is one of the investigators and she’s a great Dj. So she was our DJ for all the sessions, which I’m going to have to learn how to do when I’m running the sessions here and, uh, yeah, so both members of the dyad would have earphones on and we’d also have it playing in the room so everyone could hear the music. And so we had splitters to do that and then at times we turn the music off when they’re talking and yeah.

Thal

I was going to ask like do you turn off when they’re talking?

Anne Wagner

Yeah or turn it down. Just mostly so it’s easier for everyone can hear each other.

Adrian

How many couples were there in total in that study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so it was a small number. So we ran six couples through it and it’s really, originally we were thinking of going up to 10, but, uh, for a number of different reasons, including time and money. And, uh, but also the main reason was because our effects were looking very good. We decided to stop at six. Um, to be able to kind of had enough evidence to show we can do it. It’s feasible, it’s safe, people tolerate it and people improve. And as enough of a signal to say, we need a larger study. So in designing the larger study that would have a control condition.

Adrian

I imagine all the internal experiences vary greatly between participants. But were there any commonalities you guys noticed, um, in, in those, uh, in the six that you, you were sitting with.

Anne Wagner

Uh yes. I mean, one thing that I think was very interesting as someone who does a lot of trauma therapy with folks outside of a MDMA work is just how consistently people would go into their trauma memories and recount the experiences unprompted with MDMA. And so that was fascinating and I’d heard that that had been the case, uh, with the other studies, but that it, like clockwork would happen every time. And um, you know, it was no priming no asking people to go into the memory. We don’t even actually require that at all if people in CBCT to actively go over the memory. But it happened for everyone.

Thal

It’s like they went through the files of…yeah, amazing.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. That analogy is used a lot actually like putting files in a row and you know, I had that experience myself of like checking in. It’s like checking all the files and then other people with PTSD when they’re going through this you know, checking through the files, the memories. And so then the role of the therapist, um, is really the major role is pre and post the experience. Like during the experience of course you’re holding the space for the, for the clients, but it’s, it’s, it seems like from what you’re saying that it’s like, um, self guided in a way. Yeah. The MDMA session itself, we’re definitely there to hold space and to help when people are stuck. And so I think that piece is also very important. Um, and you know, sometimes when we think about like being non directive, in fact there’s moments where we’re actively working with folks in session to help the experience or if people are feeling particularly stuck in a thought or a memory we’re there to help them work through that and you know, gently, you know, be socratically questioning, you’re asking different things or exploring. But the massive chunk of that work is before and after.

Adrian

So what happened after the first session? What’s the next stage in the protocol of the study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so they’d gone through equivalent to five sessions of CBCT before and then they had the MDMA session and then the next morning we would talk about experience, integrate it a bit and set them up with out-of-session work for the following week. And then they would do the equivalent of four sessions of CBCT. In this case we did it over video, um, simply pragmatically, cause we’d all didn’t live in the same place. And then they came back together about three weeks later, I had another day where they did two sessions of CBCT and then they had a second MDMA session. Integrated that and then finished out the protocol, which was four more sessions of CBCT. So they received MDMA twice this whole thing. Yeah. It took about two months to get through everything.

Adrian

What were the results? Sort of dying to hear the summary of the findings.

Anne Wagner

So they are not published yet, but I can let you know. So we actually published a case study last week. Um, so that has the first results are out in the world.

Adrian

Congrats.

Anne Wagner

Thank you. Very exciting. It’s in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, so that’s good. Um, so yeah, overall the results were very strong. We had really good results for PTSD, both from the report of the person with PTSD, so their self report as well as the clinician rated report. And so that’s an independent rater. So not the people who treat them, it’s from someone who doesn’t know where they are in treatment and whatnot. And they also, we saw significant improvements in relationship satisfaction as well. And that was really interesting because not all the couples were distressed coming in. And I think that’s important because a lot of the time, you know, we think about actually how PTSD lives in relationships. People have to make sense of it and therefore, oftentimes they accommodate the other person as we all do in our lives. We accommodate the people we love. So it’s, you know, you’re trying to make it okay and especially when something’s not okay in a system, it creates a very difficult system. But that works for some people. And so that can be a challenge sometimes when things change, the system disrupts because everything’s been, you know, trying to hold tight to keep it together. So the fact that we saw improvement for folks who even already we’re starting okay. Which meant there might’ve been some accommodation was really interesting. Yeah. So more to come.

Thal

So it’s not really couples therapy, it’s, it was, it’s conjoined therapy, but um, that the, you know, the couple’s therapy is like that bonus part that came.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean the way we structure it, I mean it really, it is a couples therapy. Yeah. It could be any version of couple that you think of. Um, but the idea is the relationship is actually the client in CBCT. So it’s not the person with PTSD, it’s not the partner. It’s the couple or the relationship. And having that be the focus is really useful. So that one person doesn’t feel like the other person is their other therapist or that they’re responsible for the person, they’re doing it together.

Adrian

Are you, are you able to share any of the self reports by the subjects, um, things that they shared with you, whether it’s during the study or afterwards that you might want to share with listeners?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, I mean, people spontaneously had really incredible, you know, things that they wanted to say or share. And, um, I’m, you know, feeling like they’d gotten their lives back or that they felt renewed hope for the future. And, um, you know, in the session itself, you know, I had people say that, you know, this is really, it felt like they had gotten their marriage back or that they now have a sense of feeling connected. Um, I got an email a few months ago, which marked like a year since one of the couples had started the study and it was just a reach out of gratitude and thanks. And reporting that they felt like they had a completely different life and they were very grateful and that they just thought it was all really cool. So that was a really neat thing to receive.

Thal

It’s amazing. How rigorous was it for you like to go through the daily experience of going through the study and, yeah.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. It’s a labor of love doing the clinical trial, that’s for sure.

Thal

I can imagine.

Anne Wagner

It’s, you really have to want to do it. And, uh, I remember, you know, Candice once told me, this is not for the faint of heart. I’m like, no, it was very, very true. It’s a lot of details and a lot of planning. Um, it a ton of work for a little bit of data, but it’s in my mind, so worth it. And you know, the days when you sit in the sessions with folks, um, and you see them change right there in front of you and you were like, wow, this idea we had, I think it’s working like this. That’s unreal. Um, that feels, that feels pretty cool. And, uh, so yeah, it’s, it’s, I found working on this particular study to be incredibly inspiring and so that certainly helps drive all the rest of the work and is now shaped what I’m doing going forward,

Adrian

If I remember correctly, most of the subjects, if not all, had improvements in their symptoms of PTSD. How, how did they do afterwards? Post study? What was the timeframe for the follow up and checking in on them?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so the vast majority, well, I mean, there’s only six couples. The majority, not everyone, uh, a resolution their PTSD, but most did and those gains were maintained through six month follow-up. So that’s the, the most, the furthest data we have. Yeah.

Adrian

That’s really cool. Yeah. I mean, one of the things that we often hear a lot in psychedelic research and, and, and, um, just discourses the integration after these experiences. Can you share any wisdom that you might have gained from this study about how to better integrate or, or to tie back to their daily lives?

Anne Wagner

For sure. I think a big piece is that integration isn’t just like your next session with your therapist. Integration happens over time as you begin to put the lessons you’ve learned into action and it might shape your approach to something or how you feel in general. Or you might have an echo of it, you know, a year later and go like, oh, yeah, so it’s, it’s being open to that being the case, I think is the key thing with integration as you go forward. And we certainly saw that, you know, in some cases we saw people continue to make gains over the six months afterwards. And that for us was really interesting because that means that they’re still learning and growing. And that is ideal because you’re basically setting people up for a new baseline, a new place to start from. And that happens often when people find success with treatment without MDMA. Um, but it was particularly highlighted for me when the use of a psychedelic or entactogen.

Thal

I’m thinking about a psychotherapist listening to this wondering when will legalization happened. When can I start training?

Anne Wagner

It’s a good question. Um, so what is looking like right now? So all of the movement to have MDMA legalize as a treatment for PTSD? It’s, it started in the US because that’s where all of the studies have happened so far. It’s looking, we’re hopeful that it will be within the next few years that it will be legal. Because right now there’s a phase three study, which is a drug development study happening in multiple different sites across North America, uh, sponsored by MAPS. And they at that point they will, after phase three, it’s possible that MDMA will get the indication to be a treatment for PTSD. So that’s the doorway to it being legal. Um, and so the hope is we would quickly follow suit in Canada using the evidence for the US. So, I mean my fingers are crossed that it’s going to be within the next few years. Um, there is also in the states there’s something called Expanded Access where when things are demonstrating strong effect and people are at risk for death, that you can potentially be using um, a medication that’s still being investigated for specific cases to be used. So, uh, the training that’s happening right now for folks to become MDMA assisted psychotherapist is for this idea of Expanded Access or those of us who are studying it you doing through the research. Um, so that, I mean, could be as soon as later this year we’re expanded access could be available in some places, uh, in Canada. We’ve different regulations around that. So it may not be as straight forward, um, but potentially could still be a possibility. And then of course, I mean the psilocybin work is another area where, um, you know, we’re seeing fast movement in terms of potentially there being indications for treatment-resistant depression and other things. So that might be another area where we might be seeing the potential legal use of psychedelics and treatment.

Adrian

Yeah. I know everyone’s got their fingers crossed, right? It’s like, it’s, you know, it seems like this is the opportunity but also not to mess it up. And so it definitely, you know, important that this time around this renaissance that’s happening is to do it properly so that it is sustained.

Anne Wagner

Exactly. It’s extremely important that we don’t squander this opportunity over here. Uh, this, there has been so much work that has gone to this place and so many have been paving the way for this to be the case. And, um, I’m very conscious of just how measured we need to be and just how careful and thoughtful around all of this use.

Adrian

Can you talk about the other studies so that with the CPT plus MDMA that is.. Is it currently underway?

Anne Wagner

It’s in development right now. So I’m just finishing the protocol for it. Uh, so our hope is that we’ll be recruiting in the fall for that study, but that’s pending a bunch of different approvals that need to go through. Um, so that study design is very similar to the couple’s study. Um, it’s going to be, but it’s an individual treatment and using CPT. So cognitive processing therapy, which is one of the most widely used and most widely researched and has some of the strongest evidence for the treatment of PTSD. And it’s usually 12 sessions. And so right now we’re just, you know, we’re finding exactly where we’re going to place the two MDMA sessions within the protocol. Um, but it will likely have a similar structure in terms of having a masked dosing of treatment before the first time. Do you may session spread out over three weeks, second MDMA and then finish it out. And this time, not over video cause we’ll do it here in person.

Adrian

How is, um, how’s the recruitment for that? So how do people, uh, if they’re interested in joining the study or being a participant, how does that happen? How does that work?

Anne Wagner

So right now we’re not, we don’t have open recruitment since the study isn’t approved yet. Um, but if people are interested in it, uh, if it will be for PTSD. So it is specifically for PTSD and people don’t have to already have a diagnosis of PTSD because it will end up, you know, they will have to go through assessment through the study. Um, but they can always contact us at Remedy and, we have a contact us button on our homepage and can be added to a list to learn more. And so that would, uh, it doesn’t guarantee anything, but it just would allow folks to get updates as to, for example, when the study is starting to recruit or updates along the way as we get going.

Thal

Awesome. So maybe, um, then talk to us about Remedy?

Anne Wagner

Sure. Okay. So Remedy, um, it’s where we’re sitting right now. So Remedy is a center for mental health, innovation in Toronto. And, uh, the idea behind remedy was to have a home where research and practice really live together. And the idea that we want to be continually open to growth and exploration as clinicians, as researchers, as people who are working in mental health. And that includes our own growth as well as the growth of the field. Um, so the idea here at Remedy is everyone who’s involved as invested in the idea of innovating mental health. And that can be in a whole host of different ways. So, uh, for example, one of the ways we do that is going to be through MDMA research here. Uh, but also we have folks who are innovating how we manage a practice, how, um, you know, we run trauma-informed Yoga, how we do care for folks that’s integrating different types of treatments together. We have all kinds of different things. Someone is going to be writing, you know, pop psychology book based on evidence. So it’s innovating how we think about an access, mental health and, and thinking about it in a broader way so that we don’t feel stuck or stymied in how we do that. So we offer a clinical services, but also we do research here and we collaborate with different likeminded group to create a community who are all with the same vision.

Adrian

I imagine it’s part of the vision, um, to consider post legalization and what that might look like. Can you share a little bit about your vision for once it’s legal, what the clinic might look like and how it’s offered to the public?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, absolutely. So my vision for that will be, we’ll have basically two tracks. We’ll have our research stream, which will be running and testing interventions, uh, which you know, is where my love is there and that I’m also a clinician and I want to be able to offer this in terms of people being able to come in and receive MDMA psychotherapy for PTSD in the practice here. So it will be either people can participate through research or through being able to come in. And you know, have that treatment. So, uh, yeah, we’ll be set up here to be able to offer that given that war already going to be set up to run the research. And so we’ll be ready and opening our doors to that the minute it’s legal. So yeah, we’ve got a team here who, uh, actually I just took a team down to Asheville, North Carolina for the most recent MDMA therapist training and so we’ve got a team who are raring to go.

Thal

That’s awesome.

Adrian

I’m just imagining if, if you had infinite funding and resources from a, from a research side, what would excite you as far as future research studies that you might want to explore and go into?

Anne Wagner

I’ve already designed my next big one. So it would be a randomized controlled trial for the couples study. So it would be, um, CBCT plus MDMA in one condition and then with a placebo control and the other maybe a crossover design at the end. So, but that would be the, we really need to test it out with more people and more diverse sample. I think that was a massive thing is, you know, in the pilot study it was heterosexual Caucasian folks in that sample. And that is not representative of …

Adrian

The globe.

Anne Wagner

The globe. We are here in Toronto. And um, you know, I think particularly, I’ve done a lot of community work in queer communities here and I think, you know, expanding especially what that looks like in terms of our, you know, constellations of folks participating in the treatment and as well as the therapists that they, we have, uh, we’re really excited about what that’s gonna look like. And when we test it on a bigger scale, like what’s it gonna look like for everybody.

Thal

Yeah. It’s going to look very different. Hopefully it’s going to be legal very soon. It’s going to look different when it’s, you know, out there and different people are accessing it.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Thal

Can’t wait. Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. We’re super stoked for your work. I mean, you’re right in the trenches, so it’s, it’s a real honour actually. Yeah. To be, to be in your space and to get a glimpse of the journey so far.

Anne Wagner

Aww thank you.

Thal

Any more questions? Feel pretty good there. Yeah. Is there anything that you’d like to add, something that you have not been able to share in other lectures or other interviews?

Anne Wagner

Um, that’s a great question. I think, you know, it’s a really exciting time for this work. Um, I think it’s the, the possibilities for growth and exploration are also huge when it comes to psychedelics and entactogens and I don’t want to lose sight of that. And I think oftentimes when we are focusing so much on the clinical work and the clinical indications, that sometimes feels like maybe gets pushed to the side when, you know, there’s so many cultures around the world who’ve used psychedelics as forms of ritual, as forms of growth and learning and healing that, um, you know, this is not new. This is not new at all. I want to honor that.

Thal

In fact it’s ancient.

Anne Wagner

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. Just so happens that we’re conceptualizing, it’s used right now with how we understand this particular version of how we present …

Thal

And in our modern context, which is fine.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I think I want to make sure we know that, that this, you know, while it feels “cutting edge” it is completely ancient. And this, we’re not, uh, coming up with new ideas particularly, but, uh, but really honored also to bring it forward into the here and now. So there’s that piece. Um, yeah, I think that’s a biggie. That’s on my mind.

Thal

Yes. And, uh, hopefully that will, you know, um, rev revolutionize mental health, which is, you know, the thing, you know, coming up now.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And I think we have so much possibility there. You know, I do think we’re at a time where folks are far more reflective about their own internal world and the possibilities for that and that this might be one tool to really assist in that.

Adrian

I guess just one final thing to a, I’m reminded of, um, the way Michael Pollan shared just the excitement beyond the pathological use or, you know, addressing pathological, um, experiences and just for the betterment of, well-people, I think it was the way that he was putting it and I think yeah, starting to redefine mental healthy on sort of the, the sort of, the highly stigmatized, um, cultural perspectives that we have.

Anne Wagner

For sure. Yeah. I have hope that one day we’ll be able to offer, um, you know, MDMA assisted psychotherapy for couples, right? Just not because there’s PTSD, but because you know, people want to explore and grow together and understand the relationships and their dynamics or for individuals and you know, still thoughtfully and with precaution and all the good context of set and setting and a good container. But the idea that that would be a tool would be lovely.

Adrian

Thank you so much for your time today.

Anne Wagner

Thanks so much.

Thal

Thank you.

#8: Cognitive Tools to Wisdom With John Vervaeke

The meaning crisis that is currently unfolding in our culture is producing a form of existential angst that is gnarly, messy, and very real. There is a palpable collective low-grade anxiety that can be felt on all levels. We may turn to various distractions or succumb to a silent form of apathy.

On this episode, we interview John Vervaeke. Speaking to the meaning crisis, John’s work is centred around bridging the gap between science and spirituality. He talks to us about psycho-technologies such as meditation and psychedelics as tools to help us overcome self-deception and move towards wisdom. We also navigate the world of altered-states and transformative experiences. John has been with the University of Toronto since 1994 as an Assistant Professor teaching courses in the Psychology department, Cognitive science program, and the intersections between Buddhism and Mental Health. He has won numerous teaching awards. John is the first author of the book “Zombie in Western Culture: A 21st Century Crisis”. You can find his most recent series on YouTube titled “Awakening from the Meaning Crisis.”

Highlights:

  • Knowledge vs Wisdom
  • Overcoming Self-Deception
  • Meditation and Psychedelics as Psycho-technologies
  • Convergence of Cognitive Science and Spirituality

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Adrian

John, welcome. Thank you for coming on the show.

John Vervaeke

Great. Glad to be here.T

Adrian

I was sitting and thinking about all the different things we could really explore with you. At a basic level, I see all the stuff that you’re doing, all the research and lectures that I’ve watched seem to be trying to bridge or unify science and spirituality.

John Vervaeke

I think that’s very fair representation of what I’m trying to do. I see the situation that we’re in culturally in the West right now is one that I’ve called the meaning crisis. Many people are converging on this topic, and you see increasing number of books even talking about this. The Malaise of Modernity by Taylor or the Crisis of Modernity. These kinds of books are proliferating. I don’t just mean quantitatively, the quality of somebody like Charles Taylor is bringing to bear his enormous philosophical acumen on this, it tells you that something central is going on. He followed that up in The Secular Age. So I think all of us are concerned with what do we do with our spiritual heritage. So I mean, we come from this period. I’ll often do this with my students in class. They’ll say, how many of you read anything from the bronze age? How many of you read the Epic of Gilgamesh, the Egyptian myth. Nobody reads that. I’ll say, well, how many of you read Plato? A lot of people put up their hands or the Bible. A lot of people, you know, Confucius, lot of people. why are those people sort of ours and the people before the Bronze Age clubs aren’t? There’s some controversy about this, but I think I agree with many people like Bella and Karen Armstrong that around 600 to 300 BCE. We went through this radical transformation, right? That laid the foundations many of the foundations for what we call Western civilization. That axial revolution gave us kind of a grammar, the fundamental grammar for our spirituality and what had happened is before the bronze age collapsed and then the axial revolution that follows it during the bronze age you had a much different view of the cosmos so that there was a lot more continuity. It was like a continuum between the natural world, the human world and the world of the gods. Right? It was much more sort of a continuum of differences in power. So it wasn’t strange for a very powerful human being to be godlike or even a god perhaps like in ancient Egypt. Then what happens when the bronze age civilization collapses is that continuous Cosmos tends to be to be challenged. Sorry this is a bit of a speech, but I need to lay some groundwork here. What happens is there’s a dark age and then there’s an invention of a bunch of psycho-technologies. We can talk a little bit later about what a psycho-technology is. One of the most important is alphabetic literacy. Another one is coinage and what they both do is they are invented for very practical reasons, but the thing about alphabetic literacy is it makes literacy available. The thing about literacy, you think about how much it empowers your cognition. If I were to take literacy from you, most of the problems you try to solve most of your information processing, collapse and look around you. Everybody is using literacy. The other thing they’re using is numeracy. And that’s what coinage does. Advanced numeracy, advanced abstract, symbolic thought. People get these psycho-technologies and they, they internalize them because they’re using them everyday and automatically. See the thing about technology is it, it spreads beyond where you originally use it. What happens is people’s cognition is suddenly amazingly bootstrapped and they’re seeing the world, right? They’re getting what Bella called second order cognition. They’re getting much more critically and self aware. And this is what seems to be prototypical of the age. It’s the rise of what’s called theoretical man. Sorry for the sexist term, but that was the traditional way of talking about it.

Thal

It can also be noise.

John Vervaeke

Uh what? The psycho-technology?

Thal

Well yes, being bombarded with text and numbers and all that, and a lot of people become disenchanted with being bombarded.

John Vervaeke

Well, that’s part of what I want to talk about. Part of what I want to talk about is the fact that when we got the axial revolution, when we had that bootstrapping and people became much more self critical. What happened was they create this sort of legacy and when we’re in danger of losing the legacy precisely because of what it has given us. What happened to us before there was this continuous cosmos, but as people became very critically self aware, they, they gained a tremendous sense of responsibility that they were responsible for the violence in this suffering in the world. It wasn’t just a natural part of the world because they have become very aware of how self deceptive the mind was. this is where you get this emerging awareness of how much the mind can create illusion and self deception. So what happens, right, is before the axial revolution, wisdom is about fitting into this continuous cosmos. It’s kind of like you know, the, the, the vulcan way of life, living long and prospering, right kind of thing. After the axial revolution, people are like, they’re really aware of their capacity for self deception, but there are also simultaneously because these two go together, aware of their capacity for self transcendence, right? What they do is they change the notion of wisdom. It’s not about fitting in because you don’t want to fit into this everyday world because this is the everyday world of illusion and self deception and suffering. Instead what you want to do, wisdom is about transcending, rising above, freeing yourself from those self deceptive processes and what happens is right and the degrees to which this is taken literally and it’s understood philosophically or mythically like Plato, but nevertheless you get this. You get this grammar of two worlds, the everyday lower world of illusion and suffering into which we have fallen and then there’s an upper world or the real. The really real world and wisdom is about getting there. What develops is people start developing entire sets of psycho-technologies for trying to enhance. You can see it in Buddhist mindfulness. You can see it in a platonic theoria. There’s all these psycho-technologies that are developing and think about how a lot of this way of thinking right has just become natural to you. It’s becoming your grammar. Now the problem is we have this tremendous heritage that gives us all these psycho-technologies for dealing with how we can deceive ourselves and get enmeshed in foolishness, but they’re bound up with this two world mythology, this two world grammar and the problem is for a lot of historical reasons that dovetail with the emergence of the scientific world view. We don’t have that two world mythology anymore. Very few people, and I don’t mean to step on anybody’s religious toes, but very few people believed that there is a supernatural world or an other world above and beyond the scientific worldview. What happens is all of these psycho-technologies that are still effective because of the way they work with cognition are now orphaned. They have no world view that legitimates them. That legitimates them to into a systematic set that really helps you cultivate intellectually and existentially respectful manner like this wisdom and self transcendence we’ve been talking about. So people thrash around and they try to cobble together little bits and pieces of discarded world views and they play with alternative realities and they alter their state of consciousness to try and get an alternative metaphysics. And they’re struggling to try and get back something that we’ve lost because there’s a deep sense, right? That the psycho-technologies were almost essential or at least indispensible to dealing with these deep issues of foolishness and flourishing. As our lives become more foolish and as flourishing becomes more and more difficult, our sense of connectedness to ourself, to the world and to each other is being radically undermined. That’s what I mean by the meaning crisis.

Adrian

It looks to me that part of your work is to actually come up with a new grammar that helps to unify this fragmentation that’s happening where everybody’s trying to claim, you know, that their version or their techniques are better, you know. Maybe that’s a nice place to actually lay down some understanding of how you view the mind. What are you talking about when you mention cognition?T

John Vervaeke

That’s a great question. The central idea is to try and understand cognition in terms of our capacity for problem solving. This is the initial and profound insight that goes back to Binet. When we started studying intelligence and that’s why we test it. We test it by giving people problems to solve and what has been found or repeated over and over again is that there seems to be a general factor. So if you’re solving a set of problems here, like it tends to be predictive of how you will solve. So spearman founders, right? Like he noticed that, you know, how kids were doing in math was weirdly predictive of how they were doing in English and how they were doing in art contrary to a lot of the cultural stereotypes we have. There’s variation in talent. I don’t want to, and personality and I’m not dismissing that.

Thal

Separation is an illusion. Part of separating between the different ways we perceive, separating between Math and English and how we perform is illusory.

John Vervaeke

Well. I mean there are some aspects that don’t transfer it.

Thal

Right

John Vervaeke

But there does seem to be a general factor. Yes. Underlying all of them are. People don’t like this because they tend to think of intelligence as sort of some sort of death sentence. In fact, we’ve got quite a bit of research coming out of Carol Dweck lab and others. How you think of your intelligence has a dramatic effect on how you’re living your life. The main idea is that you are a general problem solver. This mic that I’m talking into is a special purpose problem solver, it solves basically one problem, doesn’t really well in fact it does it way better than I could do it. Right? And this class is a special purpose problem solving. The thing about you is you solve a wide variety of problems in a wide variety of domains across many contexts, throughout a very long lifespan. What’s impressive is that capacity, we can measure that capacity. People don’t want to hear this, it’s the single best measure we have in the life sciences for human beings. If I can only get one thing from you, one variable in order to try and predict as much of you as I could, I want to know your general intelligence because that will give me the best set of predictions for you better than anything else. Personality variables come second. Self regulation abilities perhaps. Right? I wanted to understand like what’s the center of this? And initially I was just interested in this scientifically because I thought of this as the core of our cognitive agency and I came to the conclusion with the help of a lot of great people like Tim Lillicrap, like Richards, Leo Ferraro, Anderson Todd, Richard Woo. Just a whole bunch of people that I’ve just been so lucky to work with and continue to work with. The core, and this is convergent with other people’s works. So it’s not just my conclusion, but the core of this ability to be a general problem solver is your ability to zero in on relevant information and ignore the irrelevant information. That sounds sort of trivial because your brain devotes so much energy and effort to it that at the, at the level of your personal ego, you’re just taking for granted, you know, what’s standing out for you, what salient, what’s grabbing your attention because technically, scientifically, the amount of information available to you in this room is astronomically vast. All the possible ways in which you could put together your behavior patterns to interact with it, also explosive, and then all the information you have in your long term memory and all of the possible combinations, overwhelmingly vast. So this is what you don’t do. You don’t search it all because you can’t. You can’t search it all and yet, and this is what you don’t do either, you don’t look at everything and determine if it’s important to you or not because that would take the lifetime of the universe. So somehow, and this is sounds like it sounds like a magic thing or miraculous, you brain ignores most of the information and those three domains and somehow zeroes in on the relevant information in a way that fits you to your environment so that…and this is not a static thing, so you have to stop thinking of the mind and this is part of third generation cog-sci as something in your head, think about the mind more like Darwinian fittedness, like what makes an organism fit is not something in the organism or in the environment, but how the organism and the environment fit together. That’s what relevance realization is. It’s your evolving cognitive fittedness to your environment. I’ve done a lot of work on that and trying to understand that. And like I said, there’s just increasing convergence like sort of this is not meant to be self promotional meant to be the opposite. Many people are coming to similar ideas about this being a central thing and that it’s, it’s a dynamic self organizing self optimizing process. The insight I had. I suppose. Is that I came to the conclusion and I have a lot of argument for it, that that cognitive connectedness that makes us an intelligent agent is also the same sort of connectedness to ourself and the world and other people that’s at the core of spirituality so that your relevance realization machinery is inherently interested and invested because it’s a self organizing, self optimizing process, thinking about when you have insight, that’s the relevance realization process, feeding back on itself and restructuring itself. It’s inherently interested in and invested in this because it’s just foundational and it precedes you egoically. Relevance realization is there from the beginning, fitting your brain to the world and then your sense of self and how meaningful your world is co-emerge out of this ongoing evolving fittedness and that’s why it has this sort of primordial, mysterious depth to it. There’s so what I’m trying to get at, although there’s some hard brain science, I think emerging and dynamical system, self optimization, to point your listeners to so many things, right. There’s all these deeply spiritual aspects of this relevance realization that seemed to line up with a lot of the traditional stuff and then here’s the final gem and then let you guys talk. What if, what we’re doing when we’re overcoming foolishness and self deception and becoming wise is enhancing that capacity for relevance realization so that the wise person is the super insightful, super connected, super able to make meaningful connections person. Well that sounds both scientific and spiritual at the same time.

Adrian

What I want to ask you about is at the practical level, the practice of spirituality. You’ve mentioned psycho-technologies. How does that activate or get this process of relevance realization going or evolving?

John Vervaeke

I mean, we’re doing it already, but here’s where I think, the work of Keith Stanovich and others has had like a profound impact on me. Keith, I think he’s emeritus now, but he was also at U of T, at OISE, for the center of applied cognitive science. Really brilliant worker researcher and he’s just a amassed all this work. So remember I told you had an, and this will directly answer your question, it is directly pertinent. Remember how he remember how I said we have this general measure of intelligence, right? So what he showed is like you can also give people all these, all these experimental tests for how rational they are. So let’s say rationality is about using your intelligence best. Remember I mentioned earlier that how you relate to your intelligence has a big impact on how adaptive it is, right? What he was showing you, is that right? I think he’d be okay with me. This is my language, but I think I don’t think it’s imposing on him. That’s why I’m being a little bit cautious here. But I would say this, those very processes that make us so adoptive are our general intelligence are also the ones that really drive and enhance our self deception and make us vulnerable to self deception. I recently gave a talk about this on how as we’re making ai more like us, we’re making it more and more capable of foolishness. You can give people all kinds of rationality tasks and what’s going on in these rationality tasks, for example, I’ll give you a proposition you tend to agree with very deeply like, and I’m not taking a stance on this issue just using an example. Abortion is right. Okay. So you find people who either agree or disagree with them and then what you do is you give them two arguments. One is a valid argument that leads to the opposite of what they believe, you know, so let’s they believe abortion is right and here’s a valid argument that leads to the conclusion that it’s wrong. Then you give them a very bad argument that leads to the conclusion they like and you ask them to evaluate the argument, right? People vary on that because you can imagine what happens is a lot of people find super salient the product or the result of their cognition and they’re not stepping back and caring about or paying attention to the process. If you don’t pay attention to the process, you just go to the conclusion and right, and then so your ability to evaluate arguments is very, very poor. Now that’s very, very dangerous, right? Because it means we can’t use rational persuasion to alter people’s beliefs. That’s an example of many kinds of tests. So you can do all these many varied kinds of tests on how rational people are and what you he found was just like the measures for intelligence. They form a general factor of reasoning. They form a positive manifold. So then he asks, and this is what makes him so brilliant, right? He then asks this really straight, this really profound question. I mean he is a great scientist that makes complex things simple, right? He asks this profound question, so simply. Are the measures of intelligence identical with the measures of rationality? The answer is no. Overwhelmingly, no. On average, the correlation between the measures of your intelligence and the measures of your rationality are point three where, where it varies from none, which is zero to one, which is maximum. Intelligence is necessary but nowhere near sufficient for being rational. So what’s the difference? This is now the core of your question, what the psycho-technologies are doing is that there are ways of internalizing, practices and skills and ways of training your attention that get you to best applying intelligence to paying attention to how you’re using your intelligence. That sounds so trivial, right? But people, it takes a lot of practice and effort. So one thing he talks about is he, which is directly relevant to the ancient practice of stoicism and modern psychotherapeutic work in cognitive behavioral therapy. He talks about Jonathan Barron’s active openmindedness. This is a psycho-technology that makes you more rational. It helps you overcome the ways in which your intelligence makes you deceptive. So let me give you an example. I just flew back from Cuba. I told you that. Okay? So here’s what people. Your loved ones take you to the airport, right? You’re about to get on the plane and they’re oh safe trip and text me when you’re there. Basically what you’re doing is saying, don’t die, don’t die, don’t die because you’re terrified that they’re going to die on this airplane. Now, why are you terrified? Well, think about it. Your brain is trying to calculate the probability of things. Remember when I talked about that explosion? If you were to use pure probability theory, trying to calculate the probability of events is vast (inaudible). You can’t do it. So your brain does these two short cutting technique. It uses like a couple of what are called heuristics. It uses this availability heuristic. If I can easily imagine or remember something, I think of it as highly probable. Well, I can remember airplane crashes because they’re on the news and I could easily imagine it because my homo erectus brain goes” a big metal in the sky…no it will fall.” The other is how representative, how much does it sort of stand out? Then again, when there’s a plane crash, people make it super salient. They call it a tragedy a disaster and so you go in and the availability heuristic, which is very adaptive for you and the representative heuristic, very adaptive, this sort of frontline relevance realization, and they tell you this person’s going to die in a plane crash. This is self deception because you worry about them. Then without a second thought, you get, you go into the garage and you get in your car..

Adrian

Chance of dying goes up.

John Vervaeke

…which is the North American death machine, right? So active open mindedness is about learning to see how these heuristic processes that are central to our adoptive intelligence can be present in our day to day behavior. What you do is you look for…you actively try to look for these heuristics misfiring. How often do you look for evidence that disconfirms one of your beliefs as opposed to just finding evidence that confirms it.

Thal

I just have to say I’ve been enjoying what you’re saying and it’s in line with the questions that I have been sitting with prior to my own awakening in a way. My background is more literature. I also come from the Sufi background.

John Vervaeke

Excellent.

Thal

The way you’re talking for me is just giving language to questions that I’ve had in my mind for a long time. Your wording and everything you’re expressing is just answering very deep questions that are probably even pre language for me, so I don’t even have any question right now, but maybe more like..

John Vervaeke

You don’t know how often I get that comment. It always takes me a little bit aback and I get it informally and student evaluations in my courses, but I get it like in spontaneous situations, like, just happened now. People often talk about me giving them a vocabulary even for before, and this is like an or a grammar like we were talking about earlier before they could articulate it itself, but nevertheless, it resonates very deeply with us.

Thal

It excites me because I just started my journey as a doctoral student in Transpersonal Psychology. Right. That’s where I’m like, okay, I want go into that space where science and spirituality meets. I’ve been in the spiritual space for a long time, but because using your words, a lot of the way my cognitive space was working, I didn’t have the language to explain what was going on. I’m hoping that with the recent work that you’re doing. I’ve had experiences in the psychedelic space where now I have the language. I get it.

John Vervaeke

I think that’s excellent. I think that’s a great point because I want to be clear the active open mindedness that I mentioned is just one psycho-technology. We step back and become aware of another important one, our mindfulness practices. So whereas active openmindedness is about paying attention to how your adaptive process can mislead you when you’re making inferences. Mindfulness is about how can those how could this salience machinery cause you to basically deceive yourself at an attentional level? So what you want to do is you want to find as many of these, what I would say scientifically validated psycho-technologies and try to see how we can align them together and, and so there’s a lot of work right now and my lab is involved with it and I’m just involved with a lot of really great people about it. Daniel Craig is doing this great work. I want to continue to make it clear that I’m privileged belong to and to some degree lead a community. So we’re really interested in this question of what’s going on in both psychedelic experiences and spontaneous experiences that are similar. What I’m particularly interested in and what it aligns with the most is the aspect of the psychedelic experience with the mystical experience where the awakening experiences that align most with what we’re talking about is when people get a particular kind of experience. The Griffith lab did the same thing on this. There’s a difference between a psychedelic experience and a mystical experience and I think there’s a difference between a mystical experience and what L. A. Paul calls…if there is a book I can recommend to you L. A. Paul’s book on transformative experience is literally the book. I got to meet Lori and lecture in her class, I was very privileged to lecture in her class on transformative experience. So what I’m interested in, and Steve Taylor does this, talks a lot about this in his book and sort of Andrew Newberg. Normally when people have an altered state of consciousness, they do the following thing. They go into that altered state of consciousness. Let’s consider a typical one. You dream, you come out of your dream and you say, oh, that was weird, that wasn’t real. This is real. And why do you say that? You say that because, well, it doesn’t fit together very well. It doesn’t make sense and it’s not coherent with the rest of your life. Right? So this sort of coherent intelligibility that people sometimes have, there’s a subset of altered states of consciousness, higher states of consciousness, which can sometimes occur in psychedelic experiences. I don’t want to talk about when and where but they’ll have an experience and they’ll say that is more real than this. It’s that hyper-realness what I called onto-normativity, because it’s not why I call it that is, it’s not just, it’s more real. They feel like an obligation that they have to transform their lives and their identity so they can stay in contact. Remember that sense of connectedness. So they can stay in contact with that deeper realness. It struck me. I mean this is a really good scientific problem. Why? Here’s this bizarre experience. It doesn’t fit into the rest of their life. They often come back and they say it’s ineffable. I can’t tell why it has no content to it and yet they say it’s more real. It should be discarded. I was trying to get at what’s going on in these experiences that, right. Why are people experiencing them as more real? And secondly, is that a legitimate experience? Like because they’re changing their lives, right? And so you want to know, do those kinds of experiences, can they be ultimately enmeshed.

Thal

Practical.

John Vervaeke

That’s it. Can they be integrated with these other psycho-technologies? Could we, I mean, this sounds ridiculous, but could we come up with a set of psycho-technologies for these higher states of consciousness that would be nicely systematically working with active openmindedness and mindfulness. Could we create this systematic sap and so that’s, yeah, I’m really interested in it. The thing I would really tell your listeners and I’m not telling you what to do or anything, but I just, I just feel a responsibility. The transformation isn’t in the drug, right?

Thal

This is important to mention.

John Vervaeke

The drug isn’t, this…So like higher states of consciousness are tools, they’re not toys, right? If you’re using them in a situation where you have not put them within a set of psycho-technological practices in which you’re cultivating wisdom, you’re really looking for ways in which you are prone to self-deception. If you stick that into those, there’s a great chance you’re just gonna bullshit yourself.

Thal

Perpetuate that self-deception at a deeper level.

Adrian

I’m reminded of what Jack Kornfield who wrote first the ecstasy then the laundry because there is a real trapping in the pursuit of peak experience. So you have a glimpse and then you want to go back to it because it’s not sustained. You’re bringing this important point of the mundane everyday practice to bridge that.

John Vervaeke

What you see in ancient traditions like in the neoplatonic tradition, which greatly informs Sufism by the way. You see this tremendous philosophical endeavor to, in a deeply integrative fashion, create a worldview that tries to articulate this enhanced sense of meaning and intelligibility, the cultivation of all of these practices, right? And then, and then they’re integrated with these existential moral practices. So the idea of being rational and mystical are not oppositional. They’re supposed to be deeply intertwined, mutually constraining and mutually informing each other.

Thal

This was the split too in Sufism between the orthodoxy and the ecstatic poets. Where, in my opinion, the ecstatic poets were to mesh the rationality and the mystical, but because they were talking about the ineffable then the orthodoxy were unable to accept them and were considered as heretics.

John Vervaeke

I think this is a very important point. I think that pattern gets repeated. It gets repeated. I think also within Christianity, I mean, Meister Eckhart is almost, you know, he’s pretty much, he dies before he gets condemned as a heretic.

Thal

Even within science, there are those who would consider what we’re talking about as heretical in scientistic or scientism.

John Vervaeke

There’s all kinds of orthodoxies, right? And this goes towards your point, and this is another point I would want to make this is a broader issue about the ways in which I want to speak very carefully here because I’m not, I’m a scientist and I love science, but there’s ways in which the culture at large has been misled by science. What I mean by that? What science does, right? Is Science, and this is what the scientific revolution when it, it actually, it actually comes out of and then sort of solidifies and exemplifies a trend that had been growing in western civilization since the, around the beginning of the 13th century. What am I trying to get at? What science does is enhance your capacity for propositional knowledge, right? So propositional knowledge is your knowledge of what we call facts and people. You know, what a lot of the people that are, um, you know, rationality, this, on Youtube, and they talk about facts. Ask them what a fact is, is it made out of matter…What is a fact, what do you mean by that? What’s the metaphysics of a fact? Well, they’ll say, well, things are true. Okay, well what do you mean by true? What they’re basically talking about is propositional knowledge is knowledge of that something is the case. So what they’re talking about is that they have propositions that they consider are well-evidenced and well-argued, right? And that’s propositional knowledge and so that is a form of knowing that is centered on belief, that is why belief has become so central in our culture. We understand everything in terms of belief, why ideology is so powerful, because what ideology is…it is the attempt to replace spirituality with sets of beliefs that are supposed to be doing, but the problem is for all the terrific importance of propositional knowledge. It’s not the only kind of knowing we have.

Thal

It can be dogmatic.

John Vervaeke

Well not only it is dogmatic, which is true. I don’t deny that, but I think what’s happening in the case of the teachers you’re talking about, right, is that they try to represent another kind of knowing that has to a very large degree, been sort of quashed in our culture. Let me give you some examples. In addition to knowing that something is the case you have, you have what’s called procedural knowledge. You know how to do things. For example, you know how to ride a bike, which isn’t the same thing as having a bunch of beliefs like you know how to ride a bike. In fact, you’ll find a great deal of difficulty and actually putting into effective words what it takes to ride a bike. This is one of the gifts of the work in ai because we thought, you know it’s all about propositional knowledge. Getting computers to do propositional knowledge it’s hard, but we’ve gotten really good at that. Getting computers to skills like knowing how to catch a baseball. That turned out to be way harder than we thought because that procedural knowledge is much more embodied. It’s much more about that direct online fitting of the brain to the world, but in addition to that, because you’re a conscious being and consciousness is not the same thing as belief at all, right? Because most of your beliefs are unconscious. You, for example, believe that Africa is a continent. You don’t have to hold it in your mind or consciousness, right? Because you’re a conscious being. You have perspectival knowing. You know what it’s like to have this experience right now. What it’s like, what does water here? I’m having a drink right now. You know what it’s like to drink water and notice how ineffable that is. How would you explain that to somebody.

Adrian

The direct experience. That’s been directly experienced.

Thal

The embodied experience.

John Vervaeke

It’s a perspectival knowing. It’s how is your salience landscape being shaped and altered and what’s standing out to you and then what state of consciousness are you entering into and this is all not captured by your beliefs. Then finally, and overlapping with the procedural and the perspectival is participatory knowing this is the knowing you have not by altering your beliefs or even alter your state of consciousness. You have it by altering your identity. It’s the knowing you get by binding your identity to something and letting your identity being transformed in conjunction with how that thing is transforming. Hopefully this is why this metaphor was used in the mystical traditions. This is hopefully how you know the person you love, right? You don’t just have beliefs about them, that’s kind of creepy. You don’t just have skills about how to work with them. You should have skills, you know what it’s like to be with them, but there’s something deeper. You have become a person you could not have been or become other than in your relationship to them and also they have become in their relationship to you. So you know them by how differently you know yourself and the world in knowing them. Does that make sense?

Adrian

It reminds me of sort of that Buddhist notion of the dissolving in self and other.

John Vervaeke

Yes, it’s so. It’s very much that it’s knowing by identifying, its knowing by being at one, it’s knowing by sort of being dynamically coupled to something so that you’re getting reciprocal revelation and this goes to like what’s at the core of what is called third generation cog-sci and sort of it’s Heideggerian framework. Is this notion of a deeper kind of truth. Sorry, that’s going to make the wrong people in California happy. What I mean by that is like there’s propositional truth which is can be deep and profound like e=mc squared, but there’s also Aletheia, which is a Greek word that Heidegger uses. There’s a sense of, right before I can make sure my beliefs correspond to the world, I have to be connected to the world in the right way. There’s this irrelevance realization stuff again, so that right as the world discloses itself, it draws something for me and right and then that draws something from the world. They’re mutually growing from each other. And this is all part of what’s right and, and this can also be put into very scientific language about complex, complex systems and dynamical systems. But the basic philosophical idea is there’s this reciprocal, a revelation, reciprocal revealing of self and world. Now what’s interesting is my good friend Mark Lewis recommend his work highly, by the way. He’s one of the people that brought this whole dynamical systems approach into neuroscience. Also at UofT, he’s one of the. He wrote memoirs of an addictive brain. He’s one of the foremost people on addiction and what’s interesting, he’s got a theory of addiction that’s the opposite, which is what he calls reciprocal narrowing. So instead of addiction being thought of as just biological, by the way, that’s just not true. We have this model that addiction is this biological craving that your system has and that’s just insufficient amount. I like. I was at a conference in July, the Society for Philosophy and Psychology and they’re just one, one…That’s the wrong model of addiction, right? Because it doesn’t explain a lot of things. It doesn’t explain the fact that a lot of people would just spontaneously.

Thal

It is disempowering.

John Vervaeke

It doesn’t explain again that like a lot of people will just spontaneously stop being addicted when they enter their thirties. People will like, you know, all the people that were using heroin when, during Vietnam and then they returned to North America and they just stopped. They don’t have to go to treatment, they don’t have to go through Rehab. So he has instead this sort of what you may call anti-Alatheia model of addiction. What happens is right, because the addict’s salient landscape is being altered by the drug. The options in the world narrow a bit and because the options in the world narrow a bit, their right, their sense of self gets a little more rigid and you see what’s happening. It’s like this vicious cycle and as the self becomes more rigid, the world narrows and as the world narrows, the self becomes more rigid and you get this reciprocal narrowing.

Thal

Their cognition becomes impeded.

John Vervaeke

Yeah. It becomes you lose cognitive flexibility and and that’s exactly what’s happening in the things like PTSD and things like that. Right, and that’s why the psychedelic experience can be so liberating because what it can do is it can throw the brain into a state that it’s not normally in and break that vicious cycle, but it’s gotta be. It’s gotta be coordinated with therapy. It’s got to be coordinated with cognitive restructuring. Flexibility is great, but it has to be. It has to be. That engine has to be tapped in insight and a change in the sense of identity. Look we’re continuously in a process of co-identification. Look, I’m here right now. I’m assuming that identity, either professor or a scientist and I am assigning identities to you. Here’s a glass, I’m assuming identity as a glass grabber. This object is a water holder for me, even though it’s a million other things, scientifically molecules and all kinds of electromagnetic field. We’re always, always, always in this agent arena relationship. We’re constantly in this, you know, bi-directional fashion, creating identities in the world.

Thal

Assigning meaning.

John Vervaeke

It’s not in your beliefs, it’s in the way in which your world is either reciprocally opening up because your sense of agency is being opened up and the world is being opened up or it’s narrowing down in a self deceptive self destructive fashion.

Thal

I was enjoying like when we first started our talk like you, you gave some amazing historical context, but I was also thinking about what about those people that their cognition is so impeded and their sense of self is so rigid and so small and you know, they’re unable to break free from whatever cycle that they’re stuck in.

John Vervaeke

That’s a really, really important question and I’m hesitating precisely because I have so much to say about it.

Thal

That was the one question that was sitting me when you were talking in the beginning… I was like…how can I bring that in?

Adrian

It’s that inertia, right when you’re stuck like existentially with midlife crisis, quarter life crisis, whatever you want to call it.

John Vervaeke

I call it existential inertia, by the way. Let’s talk about. Let’s talk about this. Let’s devote some time to it if you’re okay with that, because I think this is. This is where these broad issues about wisdom and transcendence and the meaning crisis. This is where it comes to people when people get this fundamental stuck-ness, this barrenness, emptiness, voidness, futility, right? And by the way, Thomas Nagel is right. All the arguments people give for meaninglessness, none of them are logically valid. All right, well oh I’m so insignificant to time and space. So what…If I blew you up to the size of the galaxy are you better? Like, does that do anything for you? It’s not helpful. It’s not…what I’m doing does it matter a million years from now? Well, the argument is symmetrical. What they’re thinking of you a million years from now does it matter to you? He, he points out that all of these arguments are not actually logically valid. They don’t, they don’t lead to. So it’s not that people’s reasoning is actually leading them into this, but I think that’s basically a form of rationalization. I think you guys would put your finger on the actual issues. What are like, what’s going on in this existential inertia? I would say there’s another thing, there’s an existensial indecisiveness. So let’s talk quickly about both. We were talking about that agent arena. I was talking about this in one of my talks, but right, there’s a thing where like there’s a difference again because of the participatory perspectival, there’s a difference between believing something and actually it being something you live within.

Thal

Lived experience.

John Vervaeke

I want to really deepen that. I appreciate how you’re introducing it. I have some criticisms of how some people use that. I think that gets used often romantically as a way of…you have to be careful here because I’m not saying that everybody uses it this way. I’m not saying that I am not saying that, but what I am saying is some people use this as a way of doing what you mentioned earlier, Adrian, right? What they’re doing is they’re collecting important experiences of suffering or you know, or, or peak, you know, people look for tail ends of the distribution that will guarantee their uniqueness, right? There’s their narcissism by special, special uniqueness, right?

Thal

Thats the word, narcissism.

John Vervaeke

It is a response to the meaning crisis. That’s why narcissism is becoming such a problem for us. I want to deepen that notion. Let’s say like, sometimes this will happen to me like you’re reading a novel perhaps, or like for me, I’m reading like a particular philosopher, like Whitehead or something and I’m finding the arguments very persuasive and I’m getting all kinds of beliefs. Right? And it’s very propositional, you know, but then there’s this thing and it goes from being like propositional to being adverbial. I start seeing the world in a Whiteheadean way. I start feeling it, experiencing it, and I start to understand and experience myself in a Whiteheadean fashion. Now I’m living the worlview. It’s viable to me as opposed to. Right. And so I’m really interested in what makes, because it’s relation to the meaning crisis, what makes a worldview viable like that. And I think Harry Frankfurt’s work is really helpful here. He talks about um, whether or not something is, he calls it unthinkable. I don’t like that word, but that’s his term. So let me give you an example. My son, my oldest son, lives with me right now, right? So I can imagine kicking him out and I can make all kinds of inferences about what I would pay. Say more money. The apartment would be cleaner, right? So in one sense I can imagine, I can make an inference, but it’s unthinkable to me because I can’t make it a viable option. I can’t get myself into that process of identifying the world and I, I can’t get my identity and the identity of the world to be resonant in such a fashion that I could be the kind of person that would kick my son out the fittedness. So it just doesn’t work. It’s not viable for me. Now that’s positive. Right, and that has to do with love because it can think about it because you know when I was talking about that reciprocal revelation in Alethea though as the world is revealing its self to me, I’m revealing myself to it and those are deeply interpenetrating processes. That’s also, that’s also love. That’s why love has been used as a metaphor for this kind of participatory knowing. Right? In fact, if you do that with people, that’s what Erin’s work show. If you get people to do mutually accelerating revelation about each other, disclosure, you start to disclose a bit about yourself and that I disclose a bit more about me and then that makes you, and if we start getting into that, then that’s how you get people to fall in love. Whether it’s sexual or friendship, right? So there’s that love element that that reciprocal connectedness right now, that’s a positive version of it. And I remember talking to asking Laurie Paul about this, and she thought it was a good a good point. I said, but isn’t there a negative version of that? Where like, and I remember bringing it uo to Mark. I said, Mark, you’ve got the negative version. Where’s the positive insight? Because also say to Frankfurt, you’ve got the positive versus the negative. Can’t that reciprocal relationship. So bind you in, and this was your point, Thal, so binds you in that you can’t write. You can believe what you need to believe and you can imagine it, but you can’t unfold. You can’t, you can’t, you know, reverse the direction of the reciprocal relationship in that’s existential inertia. You get locked into a world that’s the existential inertia.

Adrian

Which is different from indecisiveness?

John Vervaeke

Indecisiveness is another thing. So let’s call it, let’s call that an existential to inertia and I want you to think about how important that is to therapy. Because when people come into therapy, they know they have to. They know what they have all the right beliefs about where they should be and they can imagine it. They could make mental images of where they need to be.

Thal

They can probably see their patterns too.

John Vervaeke

But they can’t get there, they don’t have the know how they don’t have the perspectival and the participatory knowing. Okay, let’s do the existential indecisiveness. Adrian, and this goes to the heart of Lori’s work. L. A. Paul’s work and transformative experience. She talks about transformative experiences and they’re, and they have this following kind of characteristics. She had this wonderful gedanken experiment. Philosophers do this, right? They put you in bizarro world and you play with it, and then once you sort of agree with, oh, that makes sense. Then they say, Aha, so this is what she does. She says, imagine the following. Your friends come up to you and they give you indubitable evidence that they can turn you into a vampire. Do you do it? And you go, what? And she says, well, here’s the problem you face. You don’t know what it’s what it’s going to be like. Remember the perspectival knowing to be a vampire until you’re a vampire so you don’t have that perspectival knowing, right, and you don’t have the participatory knowing, you don’t know who you’re going to be because when you become a vampire, your priorities and your sense of identity and your sense of agency, all that coin and all that’s going to be changed. So here’s the problem. You face, you’re ignorant. You’re deeply ignorant of the perspectival knowledge that you don’t yet have ahe participatory knowledge that you don’t yet have. So what do you do? What do you do? Well, I don’t do it, but then you don’t know what you’re losing. You don’t. No you don’t. No, sorry. You don’t know what you’re missing. You don’t know what you could be missing the best thing ever. Well then I will do it. Ah, but then you don’t know what you’re losing. You don’t know what you’re going to. You don’t know what you’re going to see. The thing is you can’t, you can’t do. So we typically, what we thought is, well, what we do in situations of uncertainty is we go we are bayesian in, right? We calculate the probabilities, we calculate the utilities, but you can’t calculate the probabilities. You can’t calculate the utilities because you’re absolutely ignorant. So what do you do, and so she said this is the thing is this is what she calls a transformative experience. When you go through this radical transformation of your perspectival and your participatory knowing. So people also face that when they’re in therapy, they face this existential indecisiveness, which they’re stuck in inertia, but they’re also contemplating changing. They don’t know how that’s part of the problem. But the other part of the problem is, well, what will I be losing when I go over there? What will I don’t know what I’m missing and I don’t know what I’m going to be. So they’re, they’re existentially indecisive. And you see, we used to have, you mentioned the Sufis. We used to have these broadly powerful traditions in which we had institutions and traditions and communities that gave people support and guidance and structure to transformative experience.

Thal

So that they plunge into the unknown…

John Vervaeke

But they don’t, like we sad, with the psychedelic, they don’t plunge into it like in an autodidactic fashion. Autodidactism is, uh, you know, it’s the worst way to do science. It’s the worst way to make literature. It’s the worst way to do poetry. It’s also the worst way to do spirituality. Right? Laurie sort of does that and she really wrestled her point, which is the brilliant point of the book is like our normal notions of standard rationality just don’t apply to transformative experiences. Laurie’s no romantic or like she’s a hardline.

Thal

It is funny that you use the word autodidact because I consider myself an autodidact and that’s what hindered me from my own progress. Absolutely.

John

You only have most of your cognitive flexibility comes from your ability to internalize the perspective of others and to internalize psycho-technologies from your culture at large. Right? And if you’re an autodidact, that’s often that self organizing adaptive intelligence just runs in its own echo chamber. So I got really interested in this problem, the transformative experience problem and how psychedelics and mystical experiences. So I started thinking, okay, Laurie’s right, you can’t sort of logic or probability or theory your way through it. So what do people do? Do they do the Kierkergaard’s leap of faith?

Thal

I was about to say that. Kierkegaard’s leap of faith.

Adrian

Do a test drive where they, they do little micro experiments.

John Vervaeke

Excellent. Exactly. So this is so, so let’s do this. So the point about the gedanken experiment, right, is you’re not going to vampire, but then Laurie says, but you face real decisions like this in your life. Here’s one, have a child, and if you haven’t had a child and I have had to two, you don’t know what it’s like until you’ve had one and you don’t know who you’re going to be because you’re going to be a different person after you. If you’re a good parent, right? Or you decided to enter into a romantic relationship with somebody. If all that participatory knowing we talked about, it’s going to happen. You’re going to be a different person in a different world. You don’t know what you’re losing. You don’t know what you’re missing, and then I pointed something out to Laurie, which she, she agreed with. I said, you know what? Every developmental change that the brain’s going through into all of our cognitive development, we’re facing these transformative things. She said, yeah, it’s that pervasive. So let’s go back to Adrian’s point because I think it’s excellent. What did people do when they think about having a child? He said like, they do the test run, so I looked around and so what people do is they get a pet and they do weird things with the pet like they get, they’ll take family pictures with it and they’ll take it on vacation with them. So they do this, they do this thing or in, you know, uh, my, my partner and I were talking about this when we we’re away going to Cuba. It’s like one of the things people do, but in order to decide to get a relationship as they go on a trip with somebody and I thought, okay, what’s going on here? What’s going on here? And I thought, oh, this is really interesting. So what people are doing is they’re engaging in a very serious kind of play, right? So think about like how a play object is, has two identities, the plastic sword, it’s a sword but it’s not a sword so you can play with it to see what it’s like, but it doesn’t have the danger. So same thing with the pat, same thing with the trip, right? So it’s this, it’s this, it’s an analogy, but it’s not a propositional analogy, it’s an inactive analogy. You’re acting it out and it, and it takes tremendous skill. Like a good analogy. It’s gotta get. It’s got to get the balance between the two worlds, right? It’s got to get. It’s got to keep you in contact with the world you’re in right now because you know you don’t want to lose it without right, without being able to judge, but it’s got to give you enough. It’s got a trigger, enough of that perspectival and participatory knowing so you get a real good taste and think of the word we use taste. A taste of that world and you and you got to get it perfectly balanced. And I realized that’s one of the things that was going on with the ancient gnosis. Gnosis was this participatory knowing that was supposed to bring about transformation by trying to get. Give people these inactive analogies, this symbolic way of interacting so that you could play right now. You need it to do one other thing. Let’s go back. So that’s going to deal with the indecisiveness by giving you the test run. What about the inertia? Well, here’s an idea that comes from sort of the central Plato, platonic tradition, but we talked about it already, right? Giving people psycho-technologies that get that, that process of reciprocally opening the world up. Plato had a word for this anagogie the ascent, right? And what you do is, and Plato had this great insight that if you get the psycho-technologies lined up in the right way, they will become mutually reinforcing. So what I want is I want psycho-technologies that reduce my inner conflict because it’s the different motivational centers are what skew my salience landscape and make me self deceptive. So here’s a typical one. You have, you have hyperbolic discounting. You tend to find presence stimuli, very salient and future ones, very non-salient. That’s why people procrastinate. That’s why dieting is such a failed industry, right? Recidivism rate is 95 percent. They only have a five percent success rate and they rake in billions of dollars, right? What you want to do is you want to make sure, and this is what was lacking, what Stanovich was noting was people was lacking. See, your intelligence makes things quickly, salient, to you. Remember the airplane crash, right? You’ve got to retrain your salience landscape so that it will tend to zero in on the real patterns as opposed to the illusory or false patterns and that takes a lot of practice. One of the ways you do that, plato saw is by working to try and get an optimal relationship between what you find salient, but also what you find true, right? So trying to get that part of you that urgently connect you to the world, talking to the part of you that can pick up on more abstract but real patterns. What Plato saw right is as that internal conflict goes down, my self-deception goes down. Because if my salience landscape isn’t radically skewed away from my truth landscape, if they’re much more talking to each other and consonant then I’m much less likely to engage in self-deceptive practice. But here’s the. Here’s the insight, as I reduced my self-deception by achieving inner peace, and that’s what was behind the stupid hallmark card, right? And we want inner peace with the idea that what I want, right? I have this meta drive to try and optimize these various adaptive ways of interacting with the world so that I get an optimal grip on the world. Right? But what plato saw as I get better at reducing this inner conflict, I start to see the world more clearly.

Adrian

What does that look like in practice? So I’m having a hard time what’s the exercise that Plato was referring to? Is it inner dialogue and like how do you.

John Vervaeke

That’s the thing, you’re not gonna find it in Plato because Plato is enormously. You’ll find it more on Plotinus and you’ll find it also like in the Sufi tradition, you’ll find it all these practices. So one of the things that you should be going to a mindfulness practice for is not relaxing, not feeling better. I’m actually going to be on a TV show for the fall The Beaverton, where I represent a scientist talking about mindfulness as opposed to people who are sort of practicing mindfulness to feel good.

Thal

I’ve heard people actually refer to mindfulness as…oh, this is bullshit now.

John Vervaeke

That’s right and that’s because mindfulness should be about education. It’s not a vacation, right? You should be going into mindfulness. To reduce. You should see a significant reduction reported to you by others in your self deception. That’s what it starts to look like and you start to see situations and people differently. Now as you start to see people and situations differently, you know what that means. You start to do, you start to understand yourself better and differently, so you now start to get better at aligning the psyche, which then means it’s better for you to see and understand. That’s how you can start to get that positive feedback cycle going. Does that make sense?

Thal

I’m just also thinking about spirituality also that some people even use that as a self deception mechanism. Totally. It just becomes a bypass and don’t go into the like your inner world and to reduce that inner conflict.

Adrian

I think part of it is how it’s sold to us. I mean, for me, I started diving into meditation practice only about three years ago, so I consider myself very early on the path, but the way that it’s often taught or the way I interpreted it is escapist version of meditation.

Thal

It has been my journey for seven years, Adrian.

John Vervaeke

It’s part of this sort of crypto romanticism. I mean that as a philosophical cultural project not romantic love although that where it came from too. Like romanticism with the idea, right? How can I put it here? Here’s how I would put it in a somewhat simplistic slogan, the idea that you have a true self, not at, not in a Buddhist sense or like the the inner machinery but you have an autobiographical self that you have to be true too, right, and this is, this is the opposite of the axial revolution is the aspirational self. Socrates was trying to help us realize and cultivate and through wisdom and transformation come to our true self. You are not born with it as a finished identity that you constantly have to harken to and then your project is to show to the world how unique and special right that inner self that you’re born with. The project isn’t the project shifts from how do I realize and become my true and better self to the project of how do I continually demonstrate to the world myself and what it is and how unique it is. And so what people do, I think is they collect spiritual experiences and then they’re like, they’re these bejeweled glamorous that they put on their narcissistic shelf and um, yeah, I think, I mean I think that’s just a disaster, but if you go back to what we were talking about, if you, if you get a community that gives you this serious play and that gives you the tools.

Thal

The cognitive tools.

John Vervaeke

That serious play, that inactive analogy, that enacted anagogic transformation, then you can bring about a transformative experience and people are doing this spontaneously and they’re doing it and they’re doing it. Let them. Let me give an example because this is so bizarre, right? So what are some of the most secular countries in the world? The Scandinavian countries. So in Scandinavia there’s a role playing a style of jeep form that has emerged. And so the point about this is like a you know what a role play game is, right? Dungeons and dragons, and then you have larping where you live action role playing, right? Larping I should say. Right? And then this is one thing more or so what you have is you have a bunch of people, they come into a situation, they’re given a situation, they have to act out, and then the dungeon master is actually like a director and what to do like a movie set director. He’ll cut a scene or they’ll say switch or switch roles, or I’ll give you a prop and say this is a sword now use it and what you’re doing is you’re acting out scenes and you’re acting on scenes that are actually real life scenes and this is what you actually are striving for. You’re trying to get a phenomenon called bleed, so what you want is you want the senior acting out to be similar enough analogically similar enough, but open you up and do enough flexibility in play that you’ll the line between what you’re playing and your real life bleeds so that you can do. Now if you would ask the people or even religious, they go, what are you talking about? But you said, but why are you pursuing this? I mean, from the outside. This looks to me like a spiritual practice. This is a radical practice that started a highly ritualized situation with a community of support and desire and you know, and it’s not escapist this like it’s often like deeply disturbing and troubling to these people, but they’re seeking genuine release from this indecisiveness, existential indecisiveness, and existential inertia, that’s the kind of thing.

Adrian

Is this unconscious, you suspect they’re not going and knowing that that’s what they’re doing it for?

John Vervaeke

I think it’s semiconscious. It’s sort of like it’s mythologically aware to them they, they got, they know that this is meeting, look like. Think about it. When we were talking about that inner peace, you have played this Plato’s great insight that in addition to whatever you want, you want to, you want to experience it with inner peace. If I said to you, I’ll give you tremendous fame, but it will rip you apart inside. Do you want it? You go, no, I don’t think so. Right? But there’s another one. Remember, in addition to any piece, I want to be in contact with the real patterns. Same thing. People have a metta desire to whatever they have, right? They want it to be real. So I’ll do this in class with my students. So I’ll say, how many of you I’ll probably have I do this too much. I’m going to spoil it because they are students and they’ll start just screwing around with me but generally I’ll say, how many of your in like deeply satisfying personal relationships right now put up your hand. Surprisingly, a lot of them put up their hands contrary to all the complaining we hear. And then I’ll say, now the following, I want you to imagine it’s like Laurie’s Gedanken experiment. Imagine that your partner is cheating on you and finding out that they were cheating on you would absolutely end the relationship that you have right now. How many of you want to know if your partner is cheating on you? Keep your hands up. 95 percent of the people keep their hands on it. They’d rather have the real suffering that the fake happiness. Right? And so I think the same thing’s going on with this jeep forming this. They’re, they’re finding that they’re getting, they’re getting a bit of that analogic play, they’re getting a bit of that anagogic, you know, reciprocal revelation. They’re getting that opening up, right? They’re getting that, that, that transformation and their perspectival and participatory knowing they’re getting that gnosis and they’re feeling deeply connected to themselves and to each other into their world. Now they don’t think of that as the hallmark of spirituality and I think that spirituality is about believing in supernatural entities and seeing strange lights, but I think that’s the key is spirituality because they’re going through these radical transformations of consciousness and cognition, community and communing with others, designed to bring about enhanced relevance, realization, enhanced insight, wisdom, cognitive flexibility, changing. They’re very patterns of co-identification, how they identify others and their world and themselves.

Thal

It is like that awareness expansion. To go back to that question you mentioned, is it, is it religious? No, it’s not because there’s no dogma.

John Vervaeke

I make a distinction between religion and religio. So religio is a Latin word and it is one of the two contenders for the edible, logical origin of the word religion but religio actually means connectedness this to connect things, to bind things together. So that sense of binding I think was crucial. Now I think what, what goes on in religion is you also get credo, I believe, right? And you get these propositional statements. Now the point of the propositional statements is to originally is to, is to create a community and to create practices and psycho-technology, literatures about psycho-technologies to help people. But the problem is like you can get a creedal oppression where the credo crushes the religio.

Thal

Brings about rigidity and increases inner conflicts…

John Vervaeke

Right and so what we get is we get, we get another thing that is a terrific sign. So we talked about narcissism and these two are related, although most people won’t see them initially is related, but. Oh well good. Okay. So the narcissism, the meaning crisis. And then here’s another thing that’s connected to the meaning crisis and also connected to narcissism and that’s the rise of fundamentalisms. Beliefs not enough. So what I’ll do is I’ll just believe even more, like I’ll, I’ll pour everything into belief and I’ll make credo absolutely like the complete identity. When I talk to people from a religious background. I’ll often say … when I get into discussion and I do this respectfully because I really respect people who belong to a religious traditions because I understand like what, sorry, that sounds arrogant. I don’t mean it to be, I’m trying to say I understand in an appreciative fashion what they’re doing, what they’re trying to do, but I’ll often say to them, don’t tell me what you believe…tell me what you practice and tell me how those practices are making you more wise and more compassionate or capable of self transcendence and more capable of transforming the world to deal with the situations we’re dealing with. Don’t tell me what you believe. Tell me about your practices.

Thal

This is an important distinction. Just because I come from a, like I was brought up in a more religious environment and that’s the struggle. Growing up, a lot of young people are just given all these dogmas and instructions and it’s so divorced from the reality of everyday and so the young generation becomes so disenchanted, so they either turn to complete nihilism or the other side is fundamentalism.

Adrian

Yes. The interesting move for me coming from pretty secular, um, you know, upbringing towards a more open mystical, you know, explorer. I think the move for me was to shift away from asking what’s true to how is this useful, right. It is literally the bring it to the practical ground to get in practice. Was, was the move that helped open me to something that was uncomfortable and different and scary and start to experiment.

John Vervaeke

Well, I think that’s the key. I mean, I think the summit of propositional knowledge is what we call knowledge scientific knowledge. I think the summit of the procedural perspectival participatory stuff is what we call wisdom. And those are not the same thing. You don’t get wisdom by getting a lot of knowledge. Knowledge is relevant to wisdom, but it’s like the relationship between intelligence and rationality. It’s a necessary but not sufficient. I would say useful, but you want useful again and I’m hoping this is helpful to you. I’m not trying to step on your toes, right? But you want useful to be broadened in the sense of useful for helping you overcome patterns of foolishness and useful for helping you engage in patterns of flourishing, things that are useful for the cultivation of wisdom. Are you getting better at seeing when you’re in messy situations do you have sets of practices that help you zero in on what’s relevant and what’s real. So I understand what, what, what true, but if we talk about real in that athletic sense, that sense of I’ve got a connectedness to the world that’s opening up me and the world in an ongoing fashion. A fashion that in which I can. There’s good reason and good evidence to believe that, you know, I’m, I’m becoming wiser, more compassionate, more engaged and effective person. Right. Then that’s what I’m saying…usefulness means…I hope you find that helpful because of the problem with the word useful is it’s, broad and, it can be sucked into that narcissistic project. It could be useful for promoting myself image and then it undermines the very, the very thing we’re trying to talk about here, I think.

Thal

Useful in a more meaningful, profound way.

Adrian

In a relational sense.

John Vervaeke

I would say existential and sapiential sense. Yeah. So if you’re, if you, if you have sets of practices that take you through the unavoidable and indispensable transformative experiences that you need to encounter and to go through there are unavoidable in your life. Someone dies, you leave, right? You lose your job, you decide to enter into relationship. All these things we’re talking about like do you have right cognitive practices, consciousness practices, community practices, character building practices that reliably take you through the in a way in which the field of flourishing life is expanded for you and the lives you touch. That for me is what I would say usefulness is so I’m a little bit critical of people who have some points where have a little bit critical of Jordan Peterson. I wish Jordan would get a little bit clearer on his pragmatic theory because I have. I want to debate him again at some point.

Adrian

It brings it back to the narcissistic tendency of I think a lot of spiritual circles. That pursuit of selfing it keeps defining it actually making the self more rigid.

John Vervaeke

This is why, again, like you’ve got to so, so the struggle, Thal, that you’re going through. For example, as where do I go to get like a community because you need, you need many people committed together to this like the jeep formers, regular, reliable meeting and getting together. Where do I find a community? Where do I, that it has as systematic set of psych-technologies and exemplar role models that are at different developmental stages in life so that as I moved through those developmental stages, I have a narrative understanding of what’s going on. Where do you have that? Well, the only place where we’ve typically had that up until now are religion, right, and when we tried second or alternatives, we tried ideologies in the 20th century and that drench the world in blood. Right? So we don’t want. We know that that’s not right. That’s not working and many of us, the traditional religions don’t work for a lot of the reasons we’ve articulated, but we need something very much like what they did. This is why I’m critical of people like Dawkins and Harris, right? Because yes, I think, I mean I consider myself a non-theist that, that I think both the theist and the atheists have presuppositions that are shared that I reject and at some point I’d like to talk about that agree not today but at great length, but see the thing about people like Dawkins is they concentrate on the false beliefs. It’s like, yes, okay, great, but you know, and this is what I sometimes point this out, you know, you have to get what Nietzsche talked about, like what he said, God is dead, right? The madman runs into the marketplace and he’s telling them who’s he talking to? He’s not talking to the theist, he’s talking to the atheist. He says, you don’t know what you’ve done. You’ve wiped away the sky. We’re forever falling. You don’t know what you’ve done by killing God. You don’t know. You’ve thrown away all this axial legacy, all this machinery and you and you don’t know how to replace it.

Thal

It is the most misunderstood statement.

John Vervaeke

Yes. So I mean Nietzsche’s great project is to try. But the problem is he was too much of an autodidact, right? And that’s my great criticism of Nietzsche. His project was, I mean he’s, he’s a great prophet of the meaning crisis, and his project was to try and create an alternative form of spirituality and then alternative mythology, the mythology of the Ubermensch. I have lots of criticisms of that, but people need, you need to see, what he was, what he was on about, wasn’t that people had silly false beliefs he was on about. No, no, we’re facing the meaning crisis and we’ve got to do something about this because if we don’t, it’s just going to get worse and it’s gonna get worse and people are going to turn to fundamental systems at the totalitarianisms and ideologies at escapisms and we’re going to get kind of the situation we’re in now today.

Adrian

So I’m just being mindful of time. I want to ask you personally, what are you working towards in moving towards the middle thing that we, you know, you mentioned about, you know, not religion but also not, not the secular ideology. What, what are you doing currently to support?

John Vervaeke

So in addition to the academic study and teaching of this material, I also try to teach people extracurricular that some of these psycho-technologies, mindfulness practices, I teach classes on meditation, Tai-chi and contemplative practices. I used to run a wisdom sanga. I’d like to start that up again. When you’re an academic your schedule changes all the time and it’s because it’s difficult. What Im doing also is I’m trying to…I’ve just, I’m just coming off sabbatical, like I have another one in a half a year. It’s a weird situation. With other people, not on my own, but with other people. A lot of these people I’ve mentioned colleagues, RAs, and fellow professors try to examine a lot of these psycho-technologies and trying to salvage what was going on when people are practicing this practice or that practice or that practice or that are trying to what we do in cognitive science, we reverse-engineer the mind. We tried to reverse engineer the mind, right. That’s what we’re trying to do in AI. I’m trying to reverse engineer what, like there’s all these oftern these creepy wonky metaphysics and weird beliefs and crazy superstitious. Right? But thinking about what Nisha said is, can we reverse engineer what were the psycho-technologies, what was going on in neoplatonism when people were doing theorgia, what was going on in, you know, when the gnostics were doing all their weird strange stuff, what’s going on when the Tibet and Buddhist and you can’t be, you can’t just dabble, right? You have to like, you have to like seriously read and study and practice and go through that transformative challenge, right? Yeah. So you have to guinea pig yourself to a degree, but you can’t autodidact. So doing a lot of that and trying to integrate that practical in a deep sense. It’s an insufficient word, that practical knowledge into a lot of this theoretical knowledge. I’m about to release a video series on my youtube channel. I’m awakening from the meaning crisis. It’s a series of hour long videos. I’m basically trying to lay out all this argument and that also talk about, right, how do we respond to the media crisis culturally, how is it enmeshed and interacting with other crises we’re facing. We were facing sociopolitical socioeconomic environment, socioeconomics, socio ecological crises, how, how is it Intermesh, right? And trying, but also individually giving people, okay, well what are, what are psycho-technologies you can practice, how can they be systematically related? Trying to give people, again, not on my own, but with many other people. Like what does wisdom mean? What does, how, what’s the theoretical structure that you could use? Right and trying to set that up for people. Sorry, that sounds pretentious and I don’t mean it to be, but I’m trying to answer your question.

Adrian

I appreciate it because there’s a sense of urgency. We can’t, we can’t wait for the perfect product, we just have to start doing it. We have to. Everybody has to try their best and, and collaborate and not, you know, not one person is ever going to solve this whole thing.

John Vervaeke

Exactly. Totally. And we are facing individually, collectively, and culturally we’re facing like we have to go through the greatest transformative experience with like and all those levels in some coordinated fashion that we’ve ever gone through because, you know, as I said, these crises are all mutually interacting with each other, like the meaning crisis and the ecological crisis. Like they talk to each other, they resonate with each other and you know, in, in this sort of nasty fashion. I talked about this with Christopher Mastropietro and Filip Miscevic and the book we wrote on Zombies as a current mythology that the culture is produced for trying to give expression to the meaning crisis, but also right? The idea of, uh, you know, have a devastated ecology because the interesting thing with zombies, they’re not super natural, right? Monsters, they’re just us diseased…decadent, right. What’s weird is that they’re mindless. They lack the capacity to make meaning and they’re like us. They’re the only communal monster. They move and horns, but there’s no culture.

Thal

There’s no real connection.

John Vervaeke

Right? And they consume, they consume, but to no purpose to no end, right. They represent like the meaning crisis and the way it has a both metaphorically like did the destruction of our spiritual ecology when, how that is intermeshed with the destruction of our biological ecology.

Thal

Just in closing, like the things that you’re mentioning is in line with why we even started this podcast. Adrian and I we’re having coffee together and we were talking about the crisis of meaning and how that’s affecting us on a daily basis and our generation. Today you just gave us a lot of food for thought a lot.

John Vervaeke

Thank you for the opportunity. I mean I really do that. There’s so much here. Sorry every academic says this, but we’ve really just scratched the surface in so many ways. There’s just so much going on. There’s so much going on and I’m like I said, you know, there’s going to be the video series.

Thal

Your language…to me is very mystical and scientific!

John Vervaeke

Well, that’s the thing. I would hope it’s both I find one of the things I find gratifying was when I teach courses like this, I’ll have people from both sides of the aisle who are usually yelling at each other and come up and say that was really good. Absolutely. Yes. I mean that’s obviously appeals to my egotism and acknowledging that, but I think I can, if I can put myself aside to some degree, but you also mentioned that you’ve worked with a lot of people. There are a lot of people that are talking this language now. That’s right, and that’s what I think. That’s what I’m trying to say. That’s what I try to tell my students that, and again, in this, the people say this and this could also be a twisty narcissist thing. Really focus on the work and focus on what was happening with the idea is don’t focus on me. Right. But really there’s…It’s simultaneously a terrifying and exciting time.

Thal

It is. Absolutely, yes.

Adrian

John to be continued. It was a pleasure.

John Vervaeke

Great. Thank you very much, guys. Really enjoyed this a lot.