Health

#26: From Crisis to Meaning with Shinzen Young

Welcome to our season one finale! On this episode, we talk to Shinzen Young about mindfulness within the context of the modern meaning crisis. Shinzen is a renowned meditation teacher and neuroscience research consultant. We met with him in Toronto after he had just finished leading a meditation retreat. Shinzen first became fascinated with Asian culture as a Jewish teenager growing up in Los Angeles in the 1950s. As he likes to describe himself: 

“I’m a Jewish-American Buddhist teacher who got turned on to comparative mysticism by an Irish-Catholic priest and who has developed a Burmese-Japanese fusion practice inspired by the spirit of quantified science.” 

We discuss happiness, enlightenment and his current new project which involves using brain stimulating technology that may dramatically accelerate meditation gains. He is the author of The Science of Enlightenment: How Meditation Works

Highlights:

  • Why is Mindfulness everywhere?
  • Meditation to Optimize Happiness
  • Co-evolution of Science and Mindfulness

Resources:

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Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:

Welcome Shinzen to the show.

Shinzen Young:

Thank you.

Thal:

Thank you for agreeing to come on. Thank you.

Adrian:

I think a neat place to begin this conversation is to ask how you see your role as a meditation teacher within, what we’re calling the meaning crisis, within the context of the modern meaning crisis. How do you see your role and how that relates to the bigger scale problem that we are, you know, sort of experiencing as a collective.

Shinzen Young:

So I like to answer questions by first asking a bunch of questions and I appear on, you know, a number of podcasts and usually they have a direction or an interest. And so by finding out how the person that’s interviewing me sees the theme, the broad theme of the podcast, I apply my dimensional analytic skills to getting an idea of what they’re talking about and then I can relate it to my areas. So I’ll begin by asking you folks a question. There’s three words: modern, was it meaning?

Thal:

Meaning

Shinzen Young:

And crisis. I’m interested in how you think of what those words mean. Um, when does modern start? What is a crisis in meaning? Uh, so I’ll let you folks talk first.

Thal:

Wow.

Adrian:

Yeah, no, that’s… Yeah, I love it.

Thal:

Yeah, sure. I’m, the way I see it is, um, sort of maybe the breakdown of the old way of seeing things, thinking about the world. Old paradigms. Um, it’s very hard. It’s not that black and white, it’s not really breaking down, but there’s this energetic shift that’s happening where just the old way of doing things is no longer working. And so we’re seeing that institutions, religion, politics, it’s just no longer working, the old way of doing things. And so then all these questions are coming up and they’re, um, along with those questions, there’s this anxiety around what’s going to happen and um, and sort of being lost in a way and grasping for meaning and a worldview.

Shinzen Young:

And would this be among the younger people? A certain generation? Do you have an age demographic that tends to listen to your podcast? And be in the meaning crisis?

Adrian:

I would say yeah, to a degree. It’s relating to a generation that we belong to. Sort of that millennial generation that I would consider myself part of.

Shinzen Young:

That would be called millennials part of, yeah. How old do you have to be? What’s the range of millennials?

Adrian:

I don’t know what the hard cutoff is. I mean, I was born in the mid eighties.

Thal:

I was born in ’82. I think. I think I’m like the older side of the spectrum.

Shinzen Young:

Well, I was born a long time before that. So, I actually belong to, um, some would say Boomer, but I’m at the very earliest part of the boomer. Boomer was supposed, I believe is taken to be post World War Two when the Vets came back. But I was born while my father was off fighting the Japanese in the Pacific. I was born during World War II. Um, as I, you know, that’s, that’s a long time before Boomer. Uh, okay..

Adrian:

For me, the meaning crisis at an individual, personal level was when I, towards the mid twenties was when I started really recognizing just a lack of fulfillment in my life. You know, having success from a career perspective, but just not feeling like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not fulfilled. I don’t feel, I don’t feel happy. I, you know, and the chasing doesn’t seem to be filling that, that experience that I was expecting…

Shinzen Young:

So that’s fulfillment.

Adrian:

To me it is, yeah.

Shinzen Young:

So what I’ve got so far is old things, the old ways of working. Um, and there’s rapid change. And there’s fear and a sense of unfulfillment. So yes. And maybe particularly for the millennial type, but of course it’s a Zeitgeist or spirit of the time kind of thing that would apply to any age demographic. Yeah. Well there’s a lot of relevance. Um, so you described me as a mindfulness teacher, which is an accurate description. Although the fuller description I would say is that I am a teacher of, but also a researcher in the field of what I would call Modern Mindfulness. So I’m all about dimensional analysis and careful use of words. Um, I think you guys speak Chinese, right?

Adrian:

Cantonese.

Shinzen Young:

Not so good.. [chuckle] in Cantonese. But Confucius said this idea of “Cheng-ming”, which is translated rectified names, I’m sure it’ll be pretty similar in Cantonese. So that was an early influence. It’s like, “oh yeah, it’s important to be careful about how we say things”. So I’m all about careful definitions and axial, you know, dimensional analysis of phenomena. So for me, Modern Mindfulness is a set term. I define it in a certain way. Obviously other people may use “mindfulness” or other related words in different ways. But for me, Modern Mindfulness is what some people call “secular mindfulness” or some people call “mainstream mindfulness”. But I don’t like either of those words for various reasons, but we need a name for it. And what the “it” is, is a contemplative practice co-evolving with science. So the reason that mindfulness is found all over the world now within the therapy setting, within the corporate setting, within the medical setting, even within the military. The US trains mindfulness. When Jon Kabat-Zinn and Saki Santorelli, who are sort of the heads of the MBSR approach, when they went to Beijing, there were members of the PLA, the Chinese national army there. And Saki told me that he thought the reason that they were there taking the seminar on MBSR was that they knew that the US military was using it. And I don’t know if that’s really true or not, but I think if you pardon my French, is pretty fucking amazing right?

Adrian:

Competitive advantage.

Shinzen Young:

I mean, are we gonna have um… Yeah, I don’t mind a Mindfulness Arms Race! Okay. That’s like a cold, that’s a Cold Peace as opposed to a Hot War. [Chuckling] Uh, but anyway, why is this everywhere? Okay. How did this happen? Well, Jon was able, Jon Kabat Zinn, spelled J-O-N, was able to put this South-east Asian Buddhist practice within the framework of clinical science. And okay. You know, you have pain, we give you these techniques. It may not make the pain go away, but youy perceived suffering goes way down. And we can use different psychometrics to make that a credible claim. So modern he linked it with science. Jon was originally a molecular biologist, which is pretty hard-nose quantitative science, but he was also a long time practitioner. So doctors started to send chronic pain patients to him because that’s a huge problem in clinical medicine. It’s an intractable problem, really. I mean everyone talks about this opioid epidemic or whatever, but I mean it has various causes, but one of them is, you know, these painkillers have these bad effects. So in any event, he got results and then it took off. So if we generalize what… MBSR stands for mindfulness based stress reduction. So if we sort of generalize what he did, um, which would have come online just about the time you folks were getting born. I would say he did two things. He abstracted the attentional skill training from the cultural doctrinal, religious, philosophical matrix of Asia. So that you didn’t have to believe in reincarnation or whatever, uh, you know, in order to do these practices. And then what he also did is he validated it by the standard cannons that are used in medicine. And it worked. It performed. It outperformed. So to me, what that represents is taking the spirit of science and modifying, in this case an essentially South-east Asian contemplative practice, um, making something that’s culturally universal and logic and evidence-based. But we can generalize that further because South-east Asian Buddhist practice is a proper subset of World Buddhist practice, but World Buddhist practice, in other words, quote “Buddhist Meditation” is a proper subset of world contemplative practice. As you folks know. There’s Christian, you have a Sufi path you have a Muslim name. So I’m guessing Muslim. Yeah, there’s contemplative tradition in Islam and Judaism, Christianity. So I’d like to take an even larger view. I talk of contemplative practice worldwide. So if we take contemplative practice, we can improve it by bringing in the spirit of science. But it works the other way. The science is… yes, it’s a cultural meme, but it’s also a human experience. It’s the experience of doing science. Whether it’s high school science or whether it’s professional level you’re shooting for a Nobel prize science. There is the doing of science, which is a human experience and experience of thought and emotion. And if the scientists take on a contemplative practice, they will be much happier human beings and therefore much more effective scientists. Um, so we can imagine a positive feedback loop moving forward in time.

All we need to do is somehow get past the next century or so, I would say without a catastrophic collapse of civilization, if we could somehow squeak through. I would expect that as contemplative practice becomes improved through interaction with science and as the scientists become improved through taking on contemplative practice, which then allows them to do better science, et Cetera, that a positive feedback loop could develop where they co-evolve. It’s a notion of course, from evolutionary biology. Sometimes species co-evolve. Sometimes they co-evolve to fight each other, but sometimes they co-evolve to cooperate with each other. And I see that as a viable possibility. Now, the reason that Buddhism sort of plays a big role is that of all the contemplative traditions of the world, or of all of the religions of the world, contemplative practice is most central in Buddhism. It’s what it’s all about really. Secondly, in the Buddhist tradition, there’s been very systematic and comprehensive analysis of what meditation practice is. It’s already proto-scientific in the way that it has been described historically. So there is a reason why Buddhism is central to this, but I see it as really a broader thing. But if we think of Buddhism or meditation practice as done in Asia, to me that represents the pinnacle of Asian civilization. It’s what Asia did better than anyone. And therefore the whole world should pay attention to that in a little bit of a special way because they did it right. They did it proto-scientifically, actually. Um, so if we wanted to somehow say, well, modern science is sort of a European thing. I mean, before the renaissance, other parts of the world, including the Islamic world actually was the center of science, but in the modern period, it’s been the west that took off. So my thing was, well, what might happen if the best of the East and the best of the West cross-fertilized? There would be some hybrid vitality. Some “wunderkind”, some wonder child perhaps born from that. So to get back to how I think about myself, so I’m essentially a researcher in Modern Mindfulness. So you need to know about two things. Since it’s these two worlds. You have to have an experiential background in contemplative practice. And you have to have scientific chops. You have to be good at math and a bunch of other things that make you a good scientist. So I decided to devote my life to developing those two directions within one person so that I could be in an ideal position to help the modern mindfulness movement. So I would say that’s how I think about myself.

So you’re asking a teacher and a researcher of Modern Mindfulness what about this rapid cultural change? What about the fear of the future? What about the sense that the old things aren’t working? Uh, what about this pervasive unfulfillment? And yeah. Hell yeah!

Thal:

[Laughing]

Shinzen Young:

A modern mindfulness researcher would have a lot to say about that. Actually it’s pretty much just a couple of things that cover all of the above actually. Um, if I had to pick, of the different things, if I had to pick the first dimension that I would respond to in terms of how you define the modern existential crisis, I would say unfulfillment or not broadly, deeply and intensely happy. A lack of being broadly, deeply and intensely happy might sum it all up. In the sense that fear is a form of being unhappy. It’s an uncomfortable inner state. So it’s a form of suffering. And certainly part of happiness is reducing suffering. The sense of the difficulty managing change and particularly unpredictable change. Um, well that’s actually a form of suffering also. Um, so really that managing change is part of being happy. So I still put it under the rubric of Happy. It’s interesting when you said the first thing that Thal said was the old ways aren’t working anymore. So, you know, the first thing that came to my mind is “the old ways never worked”. That was the first sentence that came up in talk space. The old ways never worked. Ever, actually. East, west, ancient, modern, they sort of worked. And sort of worked is okay, but I think we can do a lot better in the modern era, the information era. I don’t want to say things that might offend people, but I seem to end up doing it anyway.

Adrian:

Do it anyway.

Thal:

Please, go ahead.

Shinzen Young:

A lot of the old ways, not all, but at least the old ways in terms of post Neolithic humans, maybe Paleolithic or whatever proceeded that. That may be a different conversation, but, and this isn’t all of the old ways, but a lot of the old ways were ways of being happy. So they sort of worked. I mean they sort of make you happy. Um, you’ll notice I mentioned three dimensions of happiness, for an individual. How broadly happy they are, how deeply happy they are and how intensely happy they are. There could be a fourth dimension, which is the scope of happiness. How many individuals are to what degree broad, deep and intensely happy? And that would be of course a universal metric for happiness on this planet. Without loss of generality. Well, actually maybe with some loss of generality. So we’re going to just limit the conversation to human happiness. Happiness of nonhuman species is important, but that’s complicated to say nothing of speculations about other types of sentient beings in the Verse, the multiverse, whatever, however big this thing really is, which is I’m guessing probably much bigger than we can currently imagine. But in any event that’s speculative. So just limiting to humans on this planet. Basically we’ve got four dimensions to happiness. And so I warned you I have this dimensional way of thinking about things. By the way, that’s an example of what happens when you’re thinking process is profoundly informed by the spirit of science. That’s one of the skills you learn as a scientist is how to look at a complex phenomenon. And diagonalime the Matrix, find the eigenvalues, find the basic atoms, components, primes, canonical dimensions, whatever you want. These all mean the same thing essentially in science. Well prime is in number theory, but it’s analogous. So in any event, the goal is to optimize happiness. And I would claim that Modern Mindfulness as I describe it, is key to optimizing happiness. So that means the greatest number of people with the greatest intensity, breadth and depth of happiness, that’s what we want. So I mentioned that “Cheng-ming”, I try to be very precise about names. So I have a Periodic Table of Happiness Elements. You can find it on the Internet, although I revise it from time to time. It’s not as big as a periodic table of chemical elements, but it is actually amazingly similar in some ways. So one dimension I call how broad your happiness is. And there’s five sort of basic columns and then there’s four rows and they measure what I call depth of happiness. But as with any technical term, you shouldn’t associate breadth, depth, intensity with what they may mean elsewhere. They have to be defined, you know, within the particular scientific theory.

Adrian:

Contextual.

Shinzen Young:

So easiest to understand how broad your happiness is by specific example. So my sort of five pillars of heaven are “relief from suffering”, “increase in fulfillment”, um “understanding yourself at all levels” and we’ll get into the levels in a minute. “Mastering behavior, mastering actions” that could be sort of performance skills. But in the Buddhist tradition, they have an interesting thing. They use the word “skill” to refer to a one’s character. You have skillful character skills, or you have a skillful character, unskillful character. It’s what other traditions would call good and bad. A good actions, bad actions. But another way to think of it is skillful unskillful. It’s ort of the same thing. So I riff on the Buddhist ambiguity of skill to include both things like academic skills, performance skills, artistic skills. Um, those are forms of mastery of action. And there are how you, there’s how you carry yourself in the world. What kind of person you are in your interpersonal interactions. Were you an admirable person by your own cannons or the canons of the culture that you identify with. So all of those are mastery of object of actions. You’ll notice that the first three pillars sort of represent experience, right? Uh, experiencing physical, mental, emotional pain with less suffering. Experiencing physical, mental, emotional pleasure with more fulfillment. Um, understanding yourself at all levels from the biographical to the transpersonal. These are all sort of might be described as on the sensory side of experience. But I believe that how we act in the world is also a valid dimension of happiness. I have a lot of backup on that starting with Aristotle and actually most of the religions of the world. So acting skillfully or mastery of action, that’s dimension number or that’s column number four. Column number five is “service”. Maybe not everyone thinks of that first. Uh, you know, if you’re in chronic pain, all you think about is the first aspect of happiness. It’s all you care about. That’s why people get, have problems with drugs. Problems with drugs are action in the world. Now that’s mastery of behavior. So in any event, um, service, if you’re in chronic pain, being of service to others may not be the first thing that jumps up unless you’re really an extraordinary person. And every once in a while you get that. Someone that you know, that’s how they cope with it. But as people mature, they will come to see that it’s quite natural for a human being to derive immense happiness from serving others, in various ways. I would want for myself and for anyone else that we can check off all those columns that we couldn’t give them a way of reducing suffering, elevating fulfillment, understanding themselves at all levels, and making positive behavior changes. And ultimately a happiness based on a larger identity that one serves. So that’s the dimension of how broad, it’s a kind of qualitative dimension in a sense. Um, and I believe a complete positive psychology needs to take into account all those aspects. What I call level is not what you might think. It’s not how strong. It is how obvious a certain form of happiness is. The most obvious form of relief from suffering it is get rid of the condition that’s causing the suffering. But what if you can’t do that? Well, maybe I can cover over the symptoms somehow. So without loss of generality, uh, if I have pain, it’s caused by a disease, well, cure my disease. Good. We’ve taken care of the situation. Oh, you can’t cure my disease. Okay, well then give me palliative care that covers it over. Good. Now, no problem. Still still have the object of condition, but my perception of uncomfortable body-mind experience has been removed. Oh, the drugs cause addiction and eventually don’t work. Doc, what can you do for me? I’m afraid what they’re going to say is learn to live with it. Which may not be a very satisfying answer. Try not to get addicted and learn to live with it. Um, there are deeper levels of relief that are not obvious to people and entail mindful awareness skills. You have to have mindful awareness skills to get those less obvious forms of relief.

Analogously, there are less obvious forms of fulfillment, less obvious forms of self knowledge, uh, less obvious forms of service, et cetera, et cetera. So the deepest part of my grid is the least obvious. Those also happen to be the ones for which mindfulness skills are critical. Can’t get them without mindfulness skills. And they also are the ones that work when nothing else works. It’s the heavy guns. So how intense a person’s happiness is, well if you imagine this sort of two dimensional grid, then each box, you know, as a certain height, creating a three dimension, uh, sort of a two dimensional, um, profile. Right? How happy am I? How intense is my happiness? Oh, I should back up just to make it tangible with what I mean. The deepest level of relief is the ability to escape into the pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or all three at once. The ability to escape into it is the ability to experience it with perfect concentration, clarity, and equanimity. And we can train you to that ability. By you, I mean anyone who’s willing to put in the time and energy. We can train you to a level where, even if the discomfort is very intense, the suffering is manageable. So it’s not obvious to the general public that that’s a viable option. But Modern Mindfulness says absolutely. And it’s just a click away. Well, maybe I’m not in pain, but I’m not deeply fulfilled. Well, the obvious, uh, if I want more fulfillment, what’s the obvious? Well, more wealth, more power, reputation, sexual prowess, just you name it. Something in the object of world, um, status, the mate and rate. Now that’s a legitimate dimension of happiness. There’s nothing in my value system that says it’s wrong to passionately pursue success in the world. So these are obvious. Of course what happens? I see this all the time because being in the science field, we interact with wealthy people of the Silicon Valley ilk. And the reason they’re interested in people like me is they’re millionaires, sometimes billionaires, and it really didn’t make them that much happier. And it’s like what’s next? So there’s a next! But it’s not obvious. And mindfulness skills to it, concentration, clarity, equanimity, trainable attentional skills, turn out to be key to that deeper aspect of fulfillment. So the normal paradigm is, what I want is intensity, variety, and duration of pleasure that’s going to fulfill me. So actually that’s not entirely incorrect. It’s just not complete. What you really want is to have complete experience of pleasure. Um, I’m going to define complete experience of pleasure to be completely analogous to complete experience of pain. Just a different category of sensory phenomenology. So when you escape into the pleasure, um, you bring so much concentration, clarity and equanimity to it that it provides you with the maximum perception of fulfillment. So I sometimes talk about the Imelda Marcos phenomenon. So she was, uh do you know?

Adrian:

No.

Shinzen Young:

So interesting generation thing. She was the wife of the president of the Philippines who was a dictator that was president for a long time. Marcos. I guess set up after World War 2 by the U S. Anyway, his wife was named Imelda and she became an object of ridicule. It’s really sad, um, because it’s not just her, it’s, it’s everyone. She just was extreme and it got out and, um, therefore it became sort of a thing. But, but she had thousands of pairs of shoes. All of them of the, you know, most expensive worldwide, you know, kind of thing. Um, so if I have some nice thing, uh, maybe I’m a guy, so it’s not going to be the shoes probably, but something I really liked, uh, well let’s just say, an expensive meal. So the tastes are, the actual sensory event is putatively worth a lot of money. How much fulfillment I derive from that intensity, duration and variety of pleasure that is this banquet. How much fulfillment I derive is not just a function of the sensory experience, it’s a function of how completely present I am to that sensory experience. Well, for that you need concentration, clarity, equanimity skills. You have to distinguish things. You have to stay, keep your attention on the tastes and whatever. And you have to not grasp on moment by moment to the pleasure. Because if you grasp on microscopically, you won’t be fully present for the next moment and the next moment and the next moment. So the key to fulfillment, yes, in part it relates to circumstances. Yes, in part it relates to intensity, variety and duration of pleasure. But let’s say that you have very mild pleasures. Um, good news. With mindfulness skills, you can derive enormous fulfillment from that. Bad news, if you conspicuously lacked those skills. If one pair of expensive shoes doesn’t fulfill you. So pleasure times mindfulness. If the mindfulness is zero, fulfillment equals pleasure times mindfulness to a linear approximation. It’s a much more complicated function. No doubt. I don’t want to sound mathematically illiterate. That’s my ego, my pride. To a linear approximation. We could say that fulfillment equals pleasure times mindfulness. Unfortunately, if mindfulness is at zero, that means one pair of expensive shoes gives you zero fulfillment. 10 times zero is still zero. 2,000 times zero is still zero. So there’s a bad news thing and that’s the Imelda Marcos phenomenon, which is no one taught her how to be fulfilled systematically. So for the deeper version of fulfillment, um, mindfulness skills are critical, then there’s understanding yourself. Well what’s the self? There’s the biographical self, there’s the archetypal self. You mentioned some influence of depth psychology? Would that be Freudian and Jungian idea of depth psychology?

Thal:

Mostly Jungian.

Shinzen Young:

Jungian Depth Psychology. Yeah. Okay. So that deals with what I would call the archetypal self.

Thal:

Yes.

Shinzen Young:

Or the collective unconscious. What have you. That’s a deeper level of self than the surface biography self. But I would distinguish two more levels of self understanding that are not obvious, that critically involve mindfulness skills. One is to understand yourself as a sensory system. That’s the path to enlightenment done in Theravada practice, south-east Asian practice Then there’s understanding yourself as a kind of primordial perfection. That would be your “Soulspace” to riff on the name of the podcast. So that would be the deepest level. Now that’s the paradigm for enlightenment that you get in Chan or at least some forms of Chan. Aka Zen, Tzun, Tien, different names in East Asia. Tien is the Vietnamese pronunciation. A lot of that deals with what they call the “huo-xing”, the Buddha-nature, uh, “Gou zi yuo huo xing”. You know, “gou zi” is a dog. “Yuo”, have. “huo xing”, the Buddha nature. “Yo”, or. “Wu”, not have. Would be pretty similar in Cantonese, I’m thinking. That was a famous Koan or a Zen question. Yes or no, dog have Buddha nature? So what did the Buddha nature is the Mahayana formulation for a kind of primordial perfection that is literally our soulspace. That is the deepest and broadest sense of self. So in the Mahayana and extending from that Vajrayana like Tibet, the “mi jiong”, you know, the Esoteric Tantric Buddhism, in those traditions, enlightenment, not always, but often is formulated, not in the sense of something you achieve, but something you notice. That that nature was always there. So that’s your deepest level of understanding. So we, if you untangle yourself as a sensory experience, that leads to a liberated experience of the space of self. It becomes a place to live, not a place where you are imprisoned. So that’s a South-east Asian paradigm. And we could take a Trans-himalayan slash East-Asian paradigm of well. But below that, all along there was never any need to train, um, because of the nature, the deepest sense of self. But the problem is, although there’s no need to train, there’s still a need to train because it’s just an idea until you notice it. The “it” meaning this primordial perfection. So in any event, to summarize, if we think of Modern Mindfulness, so you asked me and I’m a Modern Mindfulness researcher slash teacher. So I guess you call it faculty. I’m part of the Modern Mindfulness faculty. I teach and I do research the research. Yeah. So in any event, um, you, you asked me as a Modern Mindfulness teacher, researcher how would I respond to the crisis of meaning, etc. And then you gave me the meaning of the crisis of meaning for you. So I would summarize it by saying, um, that the old ways sort of work and we don’t even have to get rid of the old ways, but there’s a larger way that either replaces the old ways or is in some sort of detente with the old ways or maybe even a complementarity, depending. So the new way… Well we’ll contrast with the old way. The old way is, here’s a list of beliefs. Here is a list of social customs. Here’s a list and in some cases and amazingly elaborate list of what’s right and wrong. Now keep your nose clean. Follow this list. And depending on the tradition, it will be general guidelines or it could control literally every moment of your life. My background is Jewish.

Thal:

Same.

Shinzen Young:

You’re Islamic, you know.

Thal:

Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

You know what that is. So here’s the rules, here’s the customs, here’s the beliefs, join up and you’ll be happy. And it actually sort of works. Some people are freaked out by fundamentalist religion. I’m not freaked out by it. I think I understand it. To be honest, I may not like it, but I do think I understand it. Um, it sort of works. And it probably works better than the angst of the modern crisis in meaning. Okay. Relative to that, those people are happy, but it’s happiness at a price to be honest. Um, first of all, they’re not as happy as they could be. Secondly, the way they found to be happy in some cases precludes them being happier in a broader way. In some cases, not always, but the worst is, the list of rules don’t agree. The list of customers don’t agree. The list of beliefs don’t agree. So I trot out my Tanakh, the Old Testament, you trot out your Quran. The Mormons trot out the book of Mormon, which is later than both and in their claim. Therefore, the final revelation. [Chuckle] On the other hand Nichiren Shōshū will trot out the Lotus Sutra. And Pure Land Buddhism will translate and we’ll trot out the Maha-Saccaka. What is it called? Maha-Saccaka sutra anyway. It’s not just the Abrahamic religions that have scripturally based fundamentalism. You can find it in certain forms of Buddhism and it pervades Hinduism. Um, anyway, be that as it may, that sort of works. But the biggest problem is, besides the problems I mentioned, is it sometimes doesn’t agree with science and it caught, it causes an us versus them mentality. Um, that then leads to say, jihads what have you. And a lot of other problems. So it’s sorta worked and we have to respect it for working in the way that it works. But to be honest, I see a broader paradigm of happiness that number one, works better, and number two, does not necessarily preclude the old ways. Uh, I have born again, Christians. I certainly have a lot of Catholics. I have practicing Orthodox Jews that come to my retreats. I do retreats in Israel. And we have a lot of orthodox Jews that come. And no one has any problem with anything. Because it’s Modern Mindfulness, it’s not “Stealth Buddhism”. Um, so in any event, if you want to follow the old way’s fine, but if they really don’t work for you, well we’ve got a larger broader paradigm.

So the new paradigm or perhaps the extended paradigm, if we want to include the old ways, uh, it’s so cool because if the old ways really don’t work for you, then okay, well there’s another dimension and it’s consonant with science. In fact, it can coevolve with science. Um, but it doesn’t involve these lists of norms. It has some conceptual baggage, but minimum. The minimum conceptual baggag is there’s an attentional skill, or you could call it a “mind power” if you want. But that’s mind is a very ambiguous word. When I present this stuff in Chinese though, one of the…I see you have my book, the Science of Enlightenment. So we’re translating it into Chinese now. By we, I mean me and a couple people born in China. So it’s a very interesting conversation because how do you say mindfulness in Chinese? Okay. Um, for modern China, right? Uh, anyway, one of the words, we were thinking, one of the terms that we were thinking of using his “Shin Li”, which is like “Shin”, “Sum” luck? I’m guessing Cantonese here, something like that, right?

Adrian:

Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

Like consciousness strength, right? You could think of it that way, but we call them attentional skills. So there are these attentional skills and they are cultivatable. We do ask you to believe that, but that’s not a big stretch because just try and you’ll see you get better and better. And it’s just like any other strength. You do exercise, your muscles get big. You concentrate and your concentration power elevates. So there are these attentional skills: concentration, sensory clarity, equanimity. The’re cultivatable and in fact, eminently cultivatable you can, you can only get maybe twice as strong, I don’t know. But you can get 10 times as mindful. So there are these cultivatable skills and they are relevant to all types and depths of happiness. Everything on my happiness grid is impacted positively. In other words, happiness is optimized at all levels, not just the deepest level, but the mindfulness skills are related to the surface level of happiness. Also because if being a success in the world in some way is on your happiness checklist, we can show you how systematically cultivating and applying mindfulness skills will make it probable that you will be successful. So the main message here is, in a sense what might be called a bigger way to be happy or if the old ways really don’t work for you, then you would think of it as an alternative way to be happy. And what we ask is that you allocate a certain amount of time and energy to developing these attentional skills and that you also apply those skills in daily life to achieving your happiness goals. If a person does that, we can’t guarantee, but we could be like a doctor. We can say, if you establish the structure of practice, retreat, practice life, practice, you get support, you give support those are sort of my four pillars of practice. If you establish that structure in your life, it’s like a health, it’s like a fitness regimen except it’s a psycho-spiritual fitness regimen. But it’s no more demanding than a fitness regimen. That’s why you can be hopeful because there was a time when no one worked out. No one jogged. I remember the transition. I can remember buying my first pair of running shoes because as people say, everyone’s jogging now, what the hell is jogging? Well, you just run. Well, what’s the point? And then well, turns out there’s a big point to it. And no one was doing it, but then people were talking about it and so it’s like, oh, okay. I got some running shoes and I can remember running around the block and getting winded instantly. It’s like, this sucks. I don’t want to do that. But then no, you just keep doing it. You get better at it. And sure enough, in a month I was running a couple miles. Now I was in my twenties. And you can do the math on that one when that would have been, um, so there was a time when no one had systematic fitness training. Now a lot of people do. Um, it’s not unreasonable to think that there’ll be a time in the future when a lot of people have systematic mind strength training or a “mindfulness training”. Uh, so, um, the hopeful news is that if you’re willing to establish a sort of psycho spiritual fitness regimen and I would say that the single most important factor for that is to have a competent personal mindfulness coach.

Um, if you want one, just go to unifiedmindfulness.com. Go to support. Send an email to my main trainer, Julianna Raye, and she’ll get you set up. Um, now of course, that’s not the only game in town. There’s many, many, many mindfulness programs. But as I say, I, one of my great sources of joy is that I can say, if you want to have a personal mindfulness coach, now you may have to pay for that. You pay for a therapist, you pay for a competent workout coach. Now her people do a lot of pro bono work because this isn’t a for-profit industry, but the most important pillar is a competent personal coach. You give them your happiness list. Here’s my checklist. Here’s my sources of suffering. Here’s where I want to be more fulfilled. Do I want to understand myself psychologically? Okay, do I want to go a little, a little deeper? Okay. Um, here are the behavior changes I want, et cetera. You give them your laundry list for happiness. And then they guide you in the process of achieving that goal. Now, just as a personal health regimen, you have to keep it up your whole life. I just came from the gym. I’m 75 years old. I mean my body is very deteriorating, you know, relative to when I was 25 years old. But you keep it up for your whole life as, as best as you can. Now, the thing about physical health though is it deteriorates with time. It’s an up an uphill battle, right? That eventually you lose. You get injured, you get sick, you die. But the psycho spiritual dimension of growth works exactly the opposite. The older you get, and the more feeble your mind and body become, the more powerful your underlying spiritual vitality. Thank God because if it didn’t work that way, I’d be up Shit Creek without a paddle. So the good news is that if you’re willing to do that, and as I mentioned, you know, if I had to say one thing is get a coach because the coach knows the model, knows the turf and if they’ve been, at least, if they’ve been certified by my organization, they’re certified to a certain level. And if they can handle the levels of happiness you want, then they refer you to a coach that can. Let’s say you want classical enlightenment as per the path of purification described in Sri Lanka in the sixth century. It’s like, that’s my happiness. I want stream entry. Well, I’m not saying every, every unified mindfulness coach has the confidence to lead you there, but plenty of them do.

But that’s probably not on your happiness list. It’s probably “I just want to have less mental turmoil and less emotional distress” or “I want to do better in school” or “improve my tennis game”. So that’s where we start. We start there. But the paradigm, the perspective that we give you and the attentional skills that we impart and the focusing strategies that you can apply as you go about daily life. All of that is the same essentially, regardless of what your goals are. So you can, the incredible thing about modern mindfulness is it is a upaya for the modern age. Upaya is a Buddhist concept. How do you reach people? Most people don’t care about enlightenment. Actually, a lot of people may not even care about being a good person.

Thal:

That’s true.

Shinzen Young:

I’ve actually had students that were criminals. Professional criminals. Now I can’t, um, you know, I couldn’t affirm their lifestyle, but I taught them. I will teach them and because I’m setting the stage for possible lifestyle changes, I’m, I’m, I’m fine with that. Um, not everyone even wants to be a good person, but everyone has something they want. And whatever it is, a competent mindfulness coach… we can’t guarantee that they’ll deliver it. But we can say with time, if you keep up the regimen for the duration, it’s likely at some point in your life, likely that in fact, yeah, you’ll sort of get that. But as if that weren’t powerful enough, the same attentional skills and the same focus strategies that you would use to deconstruct your back pain, you can also use that to deconstruct your anxiety or your confusion. And so a Modern Mindfulness teacher is a kind of a device that transforms the world’s small concept of happiness as a goal to this huge concept of happiness. But the same skills and techniques are applied for all types and levels of happiness. So by the aesthetic canons of science, it is an extremely powerful and elegant system.

Adrian:

Shinzen, we’d love to hear some of the latest research that you’re involved in. You mentioned the research side. So how that blends into your current work and also just, I mean it’s the name of your book, the Science of Enlightenment. We want to hear about the path of Enlightenment. Is it for everybody? And how is that connected to the work that you’re currently doing?

Shinzen Young:

Well, enlightenment means different things to different people. I mean, if you just go to Wikipedia disambiguation page, you’ll see how many things have been called enlightenment. I mean, there’s a period in European history that’s called the enlightenment. But this is a different meaning. Um, so if we take enlightenment to mean understanding yourself at the deepest level, then I’m going to say that it’s probably relevant for most people. In the sense that if understanding yourself at all is relevant than understanding yourself at the deepest level would be relevant, I would think as a natural consequence. Because most people want to understand themselves, at least at some level, I’m just extrapolating from that. Then if we take enlightenment to simply mean the deepest level, then that’s relevant to most people because that’s just the next step after the next step of understanding yourself. It’s also relevant because sooner or later everyone dies. And you might die quickly. Like, you know, just die in bed or you know, something, an accident just takes you out. But a lot of people aren’t going to die quickly. They’re gonna go through a dying process and all the structures that they use to cope will eventually be broken down and stripped away by that dying process or at least a lot of them. In other words, a lot of the surface stuff that constitutes our identity, the surface self that’s getting ripped away in the dying process, I mean like hour by hour, day by day, minute by minute. So a lot of people are going to go through that and there’s a natural.. In all the humans that don’t die quickly really quickly. Anyone that dies consciously is going to have to go through all of the surface levels of self being majorly fucked up and stripped away. So if you have some sense of the part of you that is so deep that it is immune to that. If you have some sense of that before the dying process, then your mortality, the mortality of everyone you care about has a different context. Furthermore, of course, once you understand yourself at that level, you’re able to fully participate in life for the first time as nothing blocking. The doingness of the personality, the somethingness of the self is gone. But the underlying doingness, the verb, the dynamics space, that is the soul that is deeper than an individual’s life and death. So if you are able to have that way before you physically die, well, that’s really the deepest and most central dimension of human happiness. So I would say, yeah, it’s relevant and it’s feasible. So it’s important to realize, I repeat, enlightenment is used in different ways by different people. So here what I’m talking about is what in the Southeast Asian tradition is called stream entry. And what in East Asia is called seeing your nature “jian shin”. Could the average householder, average might not be the word, but, uh, generally a householder, someone that has family that had that has a career, job, is it feasible that in their lifetime, that level of enlightenment, uh, could be achieved? Yeah, it’s feasible. But you have to establish and maintain the psycho-spiritual health regimen that I mentioned. See as I mentioned, for physical health. It’s a losing battle. But for psycho spiritual health that older you get that the more experience you have, the closer you get to this liberation. And you can call it liberation or enlightenment. They call it enlightenment because there’s a kind of intuitive understanding that arises. But you can call it liberation because there’s a freedom from the limited identity. So first levels of liberation enlightenment are feasible and relevant for most people, I would say. Now, full enlightenment, full liberation, that’s actually a very different critter. So I expect that a significant proportion of people that participate in my version of this training and keep it up for their whole life will get at least that initial level, but maybe not quickly and maybe not suddenly, but with time, gradually it’s probable. So that gives you a little bit of a reality check. Now, there’s full liberation. That means the full braking of the identity with the mind body process. That is a different critter. So stream entry, it’s all over the place. Uh, you’ve met, all of you have met or interacted with people, whether you knew it or not, that were stream enterers by my criteria in any way. The problem is different teachers have different criteria, right. Arhat, I mean, I spent my life in this field and I lived where it came from. Asia. Yeah. I met a few Asian masters that I think we’re in that ballpark. But that’s in 50 years and it was just a few. If you’re interested, I can give you the names, you can look up. Look them up and so forth. But complete liberation, that’s a whole other thing. But an initial taste that satisfies you for the duration, that’s feasible. Problem is, uh, you remember, I only said it’s probable and I said it might take quite a while. Um, so most people’s experience, initial experience of meditating is “I can’t do this, my mind wanders, I can’t concentrate”. Um, and very quickly they just give it up because there’s not a quick reward, in many cases. So it takes a lot of maturity to stay with it until it all starts to make sense. And you start to get some tangible… I mean, people obviously get some benefits or no one would stay with it. So we were talking about like the opioid epidemic. It’s on my mind because some of our research is probably going to be directed towards that clinical population. We’re at the University of Arizona. But we’re partnering with the major addiction recovery center in the state of Arizona. So it’s on my mind. So, heroin, man, I mean, try it two times…you know, two, three times, I guess you’re hooked, right? That’s instantly addictive. And it changes your whole life for the truly horrible in a truly horrible way. So the idea would be, well, what’s the diametric opposite of that? Something that very quickly gives you fulfillment, independent of conditions. And now, oh, I want more of that, but this isn’t an addiction. This is actually a freedom from addiction. It’s equanimity. It’s a non-grasping around pleasure. So the idea is that if we could enhance the training protocol that currently exists, which is, as I mentioned, retreat practice, life practice, get support, give support. If people want details on that, they can go to my web resources. What I mean by those things.

But if in addition to those components, people often when we start to talk about technology enhanced, whatever, they think, “oh you guys think that you can just zap people into enlightenment?” No… Not exactly. Um, but what we think is it may be possible with technology to enhance the training so that people start to get more dramatic results quicker. A lot quicker so that anyone that has an interest in this tries it a few times and it actually works. It works the way. Maybe not the way it works after 50 years. Because I’ve got 50 years. That’s, that’s a bittersweet experience. The sweet part is this shit works and yeah, everything they said would happen happened. The bitter part is you look out at the world and how many people put in 50 years of that kind of training. So if in five months, five weeks, people could get a taste of what this can really deliver, that would change the course of history precipitously for the better everywhere. Particularly if what I’m describing is folded into standard medicine. So my plot, so to speak, what is a good plot. Okay. in other words is my strategy is, uh, to um, use neuromodulation technology to not zap people into mindfulness but to induce a state of neuroplasticity where in the mindfulness training becomes more efficient and therefore the rewards are more immediate. And then it’s a global viral meme and you get it just because you visited a doctor at a hospital stay. Or you got addicted to opiates and now you’re in a recovery program. But the recovery program after we’ve detoxed you, provides you with a techno boosted mindfulness training regimen and then you maintain that to maintain sobriety. That would be one example. So what we want to do is take all of the, any major area of clinical medicine, create a techno boosted training program. Not, not some zap that we claim is going to take you into some state, but something that creates an environment wherein you can train more effectively. Um, and you get that by contact with medicine. In other words, science. Wherever you are in the world. And since medicine is medicine everywhere, it doesn’t matter whether it’s in the People’s Republic of China or under the Ayatollahs in Tehran, medicine is still medicine. And since these interventions don’t have any religious component to them, there shouldn’t be any pushback. So the idea would be to weave…to sort of enlarge what medicine does from relieving suffering by curing diseases or relieve suffering by palliating symptoms. That’s what medicine now does. So a larger view of medicine is medicine cures suffering. Or medicine allows you to be happy at the deepest and broadest formulation. Uh, and that’s what medicine delivers. So this would then make optimal happiness part of all human cultures. So that’s the dream. That’s the holy grail. Now, the trick is, are there neuromodulations that can do this? A lot of people claim that they have that. To which I say bullshit. And here’s why. If we really had that or if we have had that for a while, see, one of the things about sciences is that causes have consequences. So the kind of technology of enlightenment that I’m envisaging would dramatically change the world for the better. Look around at everything that people are offering that says, hey, this is it. I’m going to microdose you with the psilocybin. But we’re gonna do this new expensive neurofeedback. We’re going to blah, blah, blah. Okay, fine. Is it a reasonable hypothesis that knowledge of this intervention will in the next century, fundamentally change the name of the game on this planet from competition for limited resources to… Well, yeah, there’s that, but there’s also how much fulfillment you get from what you got and turns out that’s even more important. Will these technologies end war, more or less. Will they end social injustice, more or less? Will they end violence? Well I said wars, crime. Okay. Is that, it’s this super neurofeedback or this microdosing of psilocybin. Is this all we need? This plus a hundred years essentially this planet is now Heavan on earth? Extrapolate. I don’t think so! Not even remotely. I don’t know. But maybe, that plus mindfulness plus a hundred years, but maybe we don’t have a hundred years. Um, so I’m asking for something more dramatic. A lot more dramatic. We don’t know if it exists, but it’s certainly worth looking for. And if you were to ask me to make my best candidate and best candidate doesn’t mean I think this is gonna work. It’s just the best out of everything I’ve seen so far. But I’m not claiming it will work. And I’m also not claiming it’s safe, by the way. So very careful about claims because people make claims. Irresponsible claims. It really frosts my buns. But my best guess for where to start is ultrasonic neuromodulation. Low intensity focused ultrasound directed to ego hubs, grasping hubs that could perhaps relax that a little bit and create the situation where people can get dramatic results fairly quickly. That would be my best candidate. But that’s not saying Shinzen Young thinks it’s a good candidate. It’s just the most promising I’ve seen so far. We have a lab called SEMA lab at the University of Arizona that stands for Sonication Enhanced Mindful Awareness training lab. Um, and that’s what we’re looking into at this time.

Adrian:

Thank you for sharing that.

Thal:

Wow.

Shinzen Young:

Uh, you guys should have Jay on too. He’s my PI. He’s the director of the lab. I’m in charge of a protocol development.

Adrian:

It feels tangible too because you’ve also identified a timeframe, right? Like the goal of within the next century, you know, would be ideal. Um, and then also the imminent like needing to accelerate this too. There’s a sense of urgency of finding that technology to speed up what has a proven track record, the methodologies and, but then to augment it with the modern…[chuckling] We started this conversation with what modern means. But it sounds like it’s, you know, yet to be discovered. So there’s an excitement to this type of work.

Shinzen Young:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, if people are interested, they can go to youtube and find Jay Sanguinetti. And he talks about the, what the work that we’re doing.

Thal:

Um, I’m still thinking about the word enlightenment. An, is it for everyone? And is it a goal that we should all aspire to? Um, I think it’s just, I don’t have a specific question around enlightenment, but maybe how is it relevant for our generation? Uh, I really don’t have a specific question. What I’m thinking about is thinking about some friends who would listen to the word enlightened and be like, “pfff” like really? I mean, do I have to sit… Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

Hence, you don’t have to call it enlightenment and maybe we shouldn’t call it enlightenment. I called it enlightenment because that’s just what I called it. Right. But, um, when I go to the People’s Republic of China, probably this year, I’m going to just call it understanding yourself at the deepest level.

Thal:

Yes. I think that answers my question. Yeah. Understanding ourselves is part of the meaning crisis really.

Shinzen Young:

Sure.

Thal:

Absolutely. Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

So there’s your answer, right. And this word is used to translate certain Asian terms, but we can get you there without calling it enlightenment.

Thal:

Right.

Shinzen Young:

Um, I would just call it understanding yourself at the deepest level and that makes, that makes it normal. That normalizes it. So you’re right. Uh, enlightenment, even though it’s on my book is actually not a good word moving forward.

Thal:

Anything else you want to ask?

Shinzen Young:

Well you got a lot more than 70 minutes. But use it as you wish, you know, chop it up. Parcel it out.

Thal:

Yeah. The way I see it. This is an opportunity. So anything you say is our gems really. So thank you. Thank you.

Adrian:

Are there, are there any teachers like currently that you have a relationship with? Dead or alive? I was actually curious because, you know, I see you…

Shinzen Young:

Do you mean that they function as a teacher.

Adrian:

Yeah, you’re a student to them. Yeah having that relation.

Shinzen Young:

Not at this time, no. But we’re sort of co-teacher’s to each other. So in that sense, I would think the dialoguing that I do with other teachers, we’re all sort of teaching each other at this point. Um, but I don’t have a formal relationship with anyone. Neither do I think of the people that utilize my programs as being my disciples or, I mean we call them students, but, um, it’s really more of a, yeah. I don’t, I don’t have that, uh, Asian lineage thing. That is very important for cultural reasons in that part of the world. But you know, I’m not going to have successors and I encourage people to just utilize any resources that are available that are competent in this area. So I guess because I don’t look upon myself as a teacher in the sense of, you know, um, do what I say because you know, you have to sorta in some way surrender to me as your teacher. I don’t think of my students in that relationship. So I guess I don’t think I need that relationship with someone else at this point.

Thal:

Actually I have, The Science of Enlightenment in an audio book and I’ve like been listening to it on and off. And there was a story that you mentioned speaking again of, and I love the word enlightenment. You, uh, one of your teachers, you asked him to, um, I hope I’m getting this right. You asked him to teach you an advanced form of meditation. I really loved that story and maybe you can share that and, um, like the experience of like enlightenment moment.

Shinzen Young:

Um, can you, uh, refresh me on the details of the story?

Thal:

I think you were in, I don’t know, I think you were probably in Japan, I’m not sure. And and it was a zen teacher and you ask them to give you an advanced…

Shinzen Young:

Is this like I was doing breath than I wanted…

Thal:

Yes! And you wanted something more advanced and he’s like, really? There are people who have done breath for years.

Shinzen Young:

Well, there’s several parts to that story, but yeah, I was doing the breath and I was going to be leaving Japan. So oh wait, no, I’m conflating the past. Hold it just second. That’s what happens. Um, okay. No, it was not when I was about to leave. I’ve been… Yes. I’d been practicing for several months. Uh, the standard Chan breath counting. And then yeah, I went to him and I asked for a more advanced practice and because he was in, you know, there’s sort of, some of the Zen masters are ferocious. It sounds, uh, sort of, I don’t know, um, romantic or somehow interesting culturally that there would be masters who are ferocious, but I can tell you it gets old really quick, right. Really quick. But that’s a whole other thing. So anyway, yeah, he was like “there have been people who have done 40 years of zen practice…” Yes. In Japanese so it’s even more macho.

Thal:

[laughing]

Shinzen Young:

Yeah. Try to remember the original Japanese. But anyway, it was like, “who do you think you are kid? You just begun to begun to begun”. And it’s true. Now I’ve met people that spent 40 years at the tip of their nose and it worked that, that, that, you know, that did it. Um, but did you want me to say what would the more advanced practice was?

Thal:

Yes.

Shinzen Young:

Well, it wasn’t really a more advanced practice. That’s sort of the whole point. It was a different practice.

Thal:

Yes.

Shinzen Young:

It was self inquiry in the Buddhist form. Answer this question: who are you? Which is of courses, you’re being asked to understand yourself at the deepest level. So it all comes full circle, right?

Thal:

Absolutely. Yeah. It’s, um, it’s interesting because when you said it, there’s this romantic idea and it gets old really fast. I just went to a 10-day Vipassana and going through the practice everyday, they today is not romantic at all. It’s painful. So I admire your dedication and those years that you spent, I mean…

Shinzen Young:

Yeah, but I hope that you continue with formal practice or with systematic practice. You may or may not want to work in that tradition.

Thal:

Right.

Shinzen Young:

I actually lived at Mr. Goenka’s Center in India and it’s a wonderful, powerful way of working.

Thal:

Yeah.

Shinzen Young:

Okay.

Adrian:

It’s a real pleasure.

Shinzen Young:

It’s a wrap.

Thal:

Thank you.

Adrian:

Thank you.

#22: Technologies That Serve Humanity with Andrew Dunn

“The real problem of humanity is the following: we have paleolithic emotions; medieval institutions; and god-like technology. And it is terrifically dangerous, and it is now approaching a point of crisis overall.”

E.O. Wilson

The notion of digital wellness might sound like a contradiction to some people. However, many tech activists are consciously working on redefining our relationship with technology. We have all figured out by now that we cannot do away with our digital life, but we may be able to revivify the use of technology as a tool to serve humanity rather than the other way around. 

On this episode, we explore the intersection of technology and wellness with tech entrepreneur Andrew Dunn (@aandrewdunn). Andrew is part of a growing community of tech leaders who are on a mission to reverse human downgrading by redesigning technology to support our wellbeing. Andrew is the CEO of Siempo, the first healthy smartphone interface. In 2018, he accidentally started three conscious communities: Digital Wellness Warriors for professionals in the burgeoning industry, Conscious Angels to connect visionary investors with transformative people and projects, and Wharton Wisdom to bring together alumni interested in personal growth and integrating that with their work in the world.

Highlights:

  • Technology and Mental Health
  • Metamodernism
  • Plugging In to Team Humanity

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Adrian

Andrew, welcome to the show.

Andrew Dunn

Thank you. I’m thrilled to be here.

Thal

Nice. Thank you for agreeing to come on. I think a place to start from is, um, we’d actually like to hear about your own personal spiritual journey.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah, absolutely. What’s great is that it’s only 11:00 AM and this is not the first time I’ve shared that this morning.

Thal

Wow.

Andrew Dunn

Um, I like to start just locating myself. Growing up in affluent suburban New York in the 90s. A lot of pressure of expectation, lot of abundance and opportunities and also scarcity and molding towards a certain definition of success. So studied business in Undergrad was kind of in the fast life. Having some existential questions like what’s this all about? Gravitate towards a little bit towards stuff about like UFOs and aliens and philosophy, but never, never diving into seriously. And then when I was 23, kind of burnt out working at a startup in New York, a friend invited me to work with him on a business in India and I had no spiritual motivations. I just kind of needed to get out of New York City. And so I moved to India and a few weeks in I took some time to travel by myself and that was my first solo travel experience and I’ll never forget the Friday night I was by myself in a hostel room with nothing but a notebook and this book I bought at the airport and no Wifi maybe for the first time in a decade. And it was just this cosmic pause where everything stopped and I looked at my hands and I’m just like, who am I? Like what have I been doing? All that go, go, go, jumping through hoops, trying to be someone else. It just came to a stop and I finally had space and time to really reflect and think about how I was showing up and open to new ideas and experiences and I was high on life like that for a few days. It was, it was really magical. And the main thing that coming back to was this relationship with technology, with my phone, with social media. I, I guess I got my first phone in middle school, Facebook in high school dating apps in late college. And I was really hooked on smart phones and social media in a way that was getting in the way of all aspects of my life. And like watering down my potential and no one was really talking about it at the time. I would get made fun of by people in my fraternity. Cause you know, that’s what you do when you’re in a fraternity and people aren’t really nice. But um, yeah, I just didn’t really know like how I would improve my habits around tech. There weren’t many tools, if any. And so after that experience in India, I really started thinking critically and from an entrepreneurship lens, like how can I help other people with this massive problem that I’m seeing all over the developing world in addition to the developed world seems like one of the things that is causing a lot of societal level challenges in addition to individual challenges. And that is really dovetailed nicely with my personal journey because being in this wellness, wisdom, transformative tech consciousness tech space, has given me permission to really focus on inner work and on improving how I show up in the world. And so I’ve just gravitated towards the bay area towards mindfulness and body work and energy healing and festivals and you know, all those different consciousness expanding communities and technologies that we’re so lucky to have access to. And that really feeds my professional work, which feeds my personal work and this beautiful way. So I’m really grateful to live in a time and a place where, where I can be exposed to these different ways of knowing and I can integrate them into the thing I’m working on, which is trying to help people really with the same thing I went through and my kind of my grand hope is that digital wellness can be this incredible on ramp into that wellness wisdom world for, for billions of people in the same way that a lot of the meditation apps are trying to, you know, hook people with meditation and then help them with sleep and habits and mental health and all these other psychological support and growth activities, which really I think are like the defining challenges in industries of our century.

Adrian

That’s really cool. I, so I’m really curious like the trip in India, it sounded like there was a, um, a pretty significant awakening that was happening if, you know, if you would go as far as, you know, sort of describing it that way. Um, what were some experiences following that that helped you integrate those steps back into the bay area and getting into technology where there’s some, um, I guess some stages in between?

Thal

Encounters or stories?

Andrew Dunn

I kind of went right back into it. I joined one of these fast growing unicorn startups and I spent a lot of time in nature during my free time, a lot of time exploring. Um, I was exploring sexuality and eventually gender, um, during those years in the bay area. And so coming into a lot of interactions with people whose stories were very different from mine. And yeah, everything just kind of compounded. At some point I was like investing in myself is probably the best thing I can do. So I’m going to keep doing it. I’m going to keep opening to these new experiences and new people. I recently moved into a community living house. It’s a justice oriented Jewish, queer friendly community living house in Oakland. Like all of those things are new experiences for me and we don’t really talk about tech in the house at all. Um, so yeah, just such a diversity of experience. I think that’s, that’s a core part of what I’m trusting right now with that opening myself to diverse experiences will allow me to weave the right connections to decide what goes into this organization and product that I’m working on.

Thal

And that’s such a contrast, you know, to embrace the experiences outside of the, you know, like technologies and experience but human experiences outside of like tech world and the screen and is a whole different ballgame.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. It never ceases to amaze me that when I step away from the screens doing the work, that’s when the clarity and creativity and joy emerges every time, whether it’s five minutes or five days.

Thal

Hmm. Yeah.

Adrian

Can you, can you share with us the inspiration to start Siempo, sort of the origin story and perhaps maybe take us through the evolution to where you’re at today and what the vision that you currently have with some of these projects that you’re involved with.

Andrew Dunn

Yes. I didn’t start Siempo. It was started by some incredible folks in Chicago about four years ago now. And they had this vision of creating a mindful phone, a device, hardware and software that aligns with our humanity and helps us be more intentional and less distracted. And I left that Unicorn Tech Company about three years ago and I was kind of like, that’s it. I’m not working for another company that’s not nourishing my soul or serving the whole in some form. What matters to me? And I kept coming back to this relationship with tech thing and I’ve been kicking around this idea for a better way to get down little nuggets of wisdom that I would pick up as I was doing all the things that weren’t screens or work or doing right? Like if I was in nature or meditating or at a festival or um, you know, just like those places where the creativity and clarity comes through. I wanted an easy way to get those notes down cause I had this mental model of if by, if I take it down as a note, I’ll come back to it. I’ll organize it and eventually it’ll manifest or the dots will connect in some way. So I was trying to create a transcription ring so I could easily do that without having my phone on me, taking out my phone and unlocking it. It’s going to the notes APP, Yada Yada, getting sidetracked from the way on the way out and like completely getting out of the moments. And so I pitched that idea at the hardware meetup almost three years ago and one of the original Siempo founders was also pitching Siempo. And our stories sounded so similar and at the time there were very few people talking about this. Tristan Harris was maybe the only other person I had really seen chirping about it. And so me and Andreas kind of looked at each other and it was this love at first sight thing. So we started talking and wound up doing some contract work for them because I was still focused on, um, the ring. And then eventually I was more inspired by what they were doing. So I joined fall of 2016 and spring of 2017 we launched the Kickstarter campaign for the hardware project and we got a lot of buzz. Um, but we didn’t meet our goal and we learned a lot. Learned that the switching costs are super high for people to try the first version of something that doesn’t exist and no one’s tried. Learned that everyone’s preferences are so unique when it comes to their phone. And so we were trying to make some decisions about what would and would not be allowed on the phone. And that was, it was perfect for some, but it was too much or too little for a lot of other people. And it was overwhelming feedback that hey, I’m not gonna buy this new thing, but I will pay for a software version of this. Can I just do that? It looks like you sort of built it already. And so that was kind of a clear pivot for us. Okay. Yeah. Software we can reach a lot, a lot more people a lot faster and iterate faster. And so we pivoted to this Android launcher products. Android allows developers, so many degrees of freedom to get creative. We can mess with the notification tray, we can paint pixels over apps. We can just change the entire look and feel of the phone and it’s really bonkers that no one has done this before. Obviously the smart phone is such a problem. How has no one redesigned it for self care and mental health and wellbeing? And I think the only reason that we were the ones to be the first to do that was because we started from a, “hey, let’s let’s reimagine this whole thing, like a whole phone operating system” versus a lot of what has been out there and he’s a really good products, but many are focused on these smaller point solutions like tracking time or helping you set boundaries from apps like Facebook. So with with this software path, we were able to create a complete solution that meets people where they’re at and doesn’t require all these micro decisions throughout the day to get value out of this. It’s kind of like you download it once and it’s this like digital medicine where all of a sudden your whole digital world is reoriented towards intention and focus and connection. And then, um, I mean like some of the feedback saying like, people thank us for saving their life. You’re giving them their life back for more hours a day with their kids and the product’s got a lot. It’s got a lot of room to improve. We basically built all just new to the world step and did it on a budget and did it in a, uh, you know, it’s a very emerging market category. So it’s been challenging to find people to finance this and to um, to help us move forward. But one of the big things we did in the fall was we transitioned to an open source project because we sensed that there are so many heart-centered developers, designers, people who are just done working for some, you know, B2B 5% user experience improvement, um, that you know, raises a ton of money and burns people out in the process. Like they want to do something that’s actually helping the world. And, and also that there’s lots of people who are interested in this humane tech movement, but there aren’t really products the plugin to. So with the open source projects, we have been recruiting some volunteers from these big tech companies to help us explore what, what does a smart phone interface that supports mental health and wellbeing look like? What should the home screen of the planet say? How can we honor our Paleolithic emotions and bring out our human brilliance? And so yeah, it’s a, it’s a cool opportunity, cool time for us right now. I think the timing is better than it was a couple of years ago. Um, people are starting to wake up to this and look for solutions and I think we’re a pretty good one.

Thal

Hmm. Awesome.

Adrian

That’s amazing. Yeah. I just, uh, I just watched the presentation earlier this week, um, for today, Humane Tech Center for Technology. I forget the actual title and it was really cool to kind of see that this is happening, you know, and also a reminder that some of the toxicity from these devices were not intentional. Like I think it was a really good reminder that it wasn’t created by just bad people or bad humans. It was just a byproduct of, you know, goals that were not aligned with, with human wellness. And, and certainly we can, you know, correct course. And I think that was, that was sort of the sense I got was that very sort of optimistic. There’s, you know, solution oriented discussions happening. Um, yeah. At a personal level, I’m curious your personal thoughts on that and how, you know, what’s sort of the next big things that we can expect to see happening within the design world, the tech world. What do you think is coming in the horizon?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. The Center for Humane Technology is really doing incredible work. And I’m reminded of this Paul Virilio quote that “when you invent the ship, you also invent the shipwreck” and another quote that there’s lots of decent people upholding indecent systems. And I think the reality is that, uh, like this is just one giant learning experience. I don’t think many people have the foresight to consider the longterm consequences to things that we’re creating and to really develop a strong sense of, of human nature and integrate that into the design process because we hadn’t had a ship wreck before, frankly, and now we have a big one. And so we’re collectively learning and it’s an opportunity for us to take one of two routes. We can unconsciously go business as usual, extractive attention economy, um, or we can bring awareness to what’s happening and adjust. And so that’s really what, what the Center of Humane Technology is doing. They’re pulling all the different levers. Whether it’s policy or galvanizing this decision makers at these companies are supporting companies like Siempo that are, um, building the future. There’s also, I was at the talk and, um, uh, Tristan came back to this E.O. Wilson quote a couple of times that the real problem of humanity is the following. The real problem of humanity is that we have paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions and godlike technology. So Tristan says we need to embrace those Paleolithic emotions, upgrade our medieval institutions, and cultivate the wisdom to wield that God-like technology. And so it’s such a cool civilizational moment where we got to work on this too, to reverse what he calls human downgrading and, uh, design ergonomically to wrap around our human needs. And Yeah, I think I’m still still sitting with the experience from, um, from Tuesday. There were so many amazing people in that room. And we’ve always looked to Tristan and center pretty main tech for, for inspiration because frankly they, they think about this most deeply and they have been doing it for the longest and they’re really bright and they have really wonderful intentions and experts in their orbit. So when we’re creating products or making decisions, we, you know, we draw inspiration from a lot of places, but we definitely, we definitely, um, prioritize what’s coming from Tristan and now we’re exploring this relationship together because I mentioned they have a lot of interests from professionals and, um, we are a platform that people can start prototyping some of these solutions on.

Thal

Okay. So a question that comes up for me is, um, you know, someone that’s from the older generation like listening to us speak, what would like, you know, they come in, they’re like, can we really align technology with our humanity? How would you answer that question? Or like what are your thoughts around that?

Adrian

Maybe it’s like, around any sort of skepticisms. Anybody with a sort of pessimistic attitude towards technology as inherently evil or it’s like, yeah, it’s not humane. How do you normally interact with that?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. I think the point that Tristan wanting to drive is that we need to cultivate a stronger understanding about how individuals and social groups work. And so he proposed this full stack, socio-ergonomic model of human nature. Everything from the individual level, our physiology, like are we breathing when we check our email and the emotions and attention and cognition sensemaking all the way up to the decision making, social reasoning, group dynamics, social environments. And if we have that model, then we can better diagnose problems. And if we’re cohering a lot of the experts and all these different disciplines to set standards that then a product or design team at Youtube can reference and can, um, connect with, uh, those domain experts on when deciding, hey, how should we design this new thing that 2 billion people are going to be using? And it’s going to be shaping their consciousness. Like every one of these companies for the most part, agrees that yeah, things need to improve. And it’s really cool to talk to people at companies like Facebook where Facebook had it rougher than some of the other ones last couple of years. What I’m sensing is a strong sense of camaraderie. Like it’s not, it’s not so much shame or embarrassment, it’s, it’s like, wow, like what an incredible challenge and we’re in an interesting time to be here. Like, I’m in it. I’m really excited about how we can learn from what has happened and integrate that to make something better and, and learn from the processes that we try to do that so that we can just keep getting smarter about learning and growing and learning and growing. So I have, I have reason to be hopeful. I think the money question is always the biggest question mark and would have been cool to hear a bit more about that during the presentation. Because that’s one of our questions since the dawn of time. It’s how do you shift these business models from extractive, all about optimizing for engagement and attention to what’s most life giving and like instead of a race to the bottom of the brainstem, what’s the race to the top where all these companies are starting to compete on who can add the most value to someone’s life? Who can improve someone’s mood the most? Who can be the most trusted? And I think it’s a process. It’s not going to happen overnight. It’s easier for a new entrant like us to learn from those pitfalls and draw a line in the sand and say, we’re all about this and really show it. And I think that’s something that’s going to serve us well as we go. It already has, like we’ve built a reputation as a high integrity Silicon Valley Tech Company, which is rare. Uh, but yeah, you know, things take time. I think that’s one big lesson I take away from the last few years because I have these bursts of insight and vision and I raced to make it happen in the world and time and again, I realized that these things take time and that’s okay. And I don’t have to act on every idea I have. And I mean that’s one of the things I reckon with because I feel such a call to step up as a leader in this movement and really step into the biggest expression of who I can be and what Siempo can be. And then I also, I’m trying to cultivate a self care lifestyle where I’m finding rest and joy and doing things that bring me connection and peace. And so yeah, how does one do that if they’re a silicon valley entrepreneur trying to work on a very urgent problem because we have eight to 12 years left of stable society and if only we can just shift people from, you know, games and dating towards plugging into climate activism then like everything would be perfect. [laughing]. So it’s all, it all comes back to balance for me and that’s, that’s the thing I get to wake up everyday and work on what’s what’s balance today?

Adrian

Yeah. I’m being inspired by actually one of the articles I read that you wrote on medium about humane business and there was a quote in there I think by the Dalai Lama and he says, the planet does not need any more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds. Can you, can you share a little bit about what you mean by “humane business” and how you’re practicing it through, um, through your projects?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. Thanks for reminding me about that piece. So much has happened since I’ve published that about a year ago, but it was an attempt to shine a light on all the things that have been inspiring to me. All the business model movements and cultural movements and people and acts that were giving me, they were helping me feel supported and creating in the ways that I want to and sustainable regenerative ways and I think a lot of my, my sense of purpose comes back to what communities and I connected with, what experiences have I had and so like where, where are the, the trim tabs, the acupuncture points that I can have the most impact with the smallest effort. So an example of that is two weeks ago I organized a alternative career panel for my alma mater because there’s all these business school kids who really struggle with the cutthroat environment and investment banks coming to recruit on campus in their sophomore year when these kids are 19 years old. And you know, that’s the, that’s the shiny candy and everyone wants it. And a lot of people’s self worth is tied to do if they got that internship. And um, I’m so inspired by that. There’s now organizations on campus wellness clubs, mental health clubs, there are fraternities at Dartmouth that have mindfulness chairs. How cool is that? It’s just like so simple and helps with so many problems, whether it’s sexual violence or, uh, stress and depression and toxic masculinity. It’s just like so simple. And, and so what does humane business mean? I think it’s something around serving the whole over just the needs of self. Something around [inaudible] because everything we create is an expression of our fears and biases. And I think it means coming back to, to human connection and building deep relationships with people that aren’t so transactional. I mean, that’s, that’s what’s so cool. Like I think one of my skills is networking or being a connector depending on how you want to call it. And it’s so cool that I love Facebook. Facebook allows me to connect with such interesting people around the world who can help me and I can help them. It’s like I think there’s a lot of people who are missing out on the amazing parts of Facebook. Like we can’t reduce anything to just good or evil. Facebook has some parts that are deleterious to the human experience and it has some parts that are completely amplifying to the human experience. And one of those is the ability to like ask a question or put your intention out there and get what you’re looking for and to connect with that person who has an identical vision with you halfway across the planet and it’s gonna make your day because they are, you know, they thought about this or they have that resource that they can share with you. So, yeah. Yeah. What’s your main business? I don’t know. I think it’s something I’m still exploring. I think it was also just an attempt like, uh, like ride the coattails of Center for Humane Technology and try to do some thought leadership.

Adrian

Yeah, no, I really appreciate that. I mean, you look at our project just even with this podcast is, um, largely is possible because of platforms like Facebook, right? That we can actually share this out there, um, at no cost and it can be, you know, duplicated and people like, you know, in some of the stats that we’re looking at, like people from like nations at can’t even imagine, never envisioned as part of the audience. Like they’re a part of it because it’s, you know, it’s hard to kind of bring that into my sort of local linear thinking brain to, to think in a global, large connected system. It’s just not intuitive. And so when we begin to start seeing the reach..

Thal

The potential.

Adrian

..and the possibility, it just, it gets really exciting.

Andrew Dunn

That’s so cool.

Thal

Speaking of which, um, are there any projects or people you’re particularly inspired by today?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. Oh yeah. I think the biggest threat I’ve been following since I published that blog post was this, where did it start? Uh, maybe listening to this philosopher and neuroscientists, Daniel Schmachtenberger, systems thinker. Um, he’s part of this organization Neurohacker Collective, which makes this nootropic called Qualia. And there’s, there’s a great podcast attached to it and that led me to this new political party called One Nation that is grounded in this metamodernism philosophy, which I’ll talk about in a sec. And yeah, it’s all about win-win paradigm and healing and um, yeah, transcending the bipartisan gridlock that we have in this country and really creating a party that sees and hears people. And considers all perspectives and works towards planetary peace and rebirthing civilization, which sounds all really good. And I cried tears of joy watching their stuff. Um, that’s One Nation Party USA. And yeah, this meta-modernism in philosophy, ideology. There’s a great book called The Listening Society and it kind of highlights …. We have this modern world, postmodernism deconstructs everything that’s wrong with this world, but it doesn’t really offer a reconstruction. So what is that reconstruction where we get going? Like what’s the logical progression of, of this civilization that we have. And so it looks to the Nordic countries where they are doing lots of things to, um, care about the sick and children and environments. And they’re not saying screw capitalism. They’re kind of like integrating the best of postmodern and modern pre-modern, not excluding anybody and really trying to around psychological support and growth. Um, cause that’s not even being talked about in politics. And so even if like whatever side of the aisle you’re on, even if you get everything you want, we’re still gonna have millions, billions of people who are lonely, depressed without meaning. So Emma and I have been talking about that. So what is the society we really need to, um, to meet the demands of our century in this civilizational moment that we’re in. And I really appreciate there’s one little line about how the meta-modern aristocracy are hippies, hackers and hipsters, which I imagine might be a bunch of your audience or a bunch of your networks and, and how whereas financial capital has been, and the marker of success, it’s losing a lot of it’s or well, maybe other types of capital are becoming more relevant, like social capital, emotional capital, sexual capital, et cetera. And yeah, I mean that’s, that feels really confirming to me because I’ve instinctively gravitate towards some of the more, um, spiritual, esoteric, uh, subcultures. And that’s because I find a lot of meaning there, I find a lot of real connection and inspiration health and there’s like, not everyone in my world agrees with that. Uh, so, so hearing, hearing from an authority figure that that is not just some like deep trust hippie thing, but like, actually, no, this is hugely important. This is a huge industry. This is, this is critical to the surviving and thriving of our civilization. That just gives me so much meaning for what I get to wake up everyday and do. And even if it’s not Siempo, I mentioned before we recorded this that I wrote down like kind of a draft of a purpose statement because I’ve worked on a lot of different side projects over the last few years as I’ve been involved with Siempo. Not because I’m bored, but just because I’m, I don’t know, I, I can’t help it. Like these ideas come and I really like to initiate things. And so I was trying to reflect on how they all weave together. And so I attempted to do that a few months ago and it’s changed since then. But here it goes and I’ll put emphasis on some of the words that have either turned into projects or a significant explorations. So my purpose is to wake people up from the hypnosis of technology and privilege. To help them connect to their true nature and higher purpose so they can enlist in team humanity. For the benefit of all beings everywhere. So Siempo is about freeing up time and attention. Conscious Angels and waking up with family is about freeing up resources so that more people can take the leap to begin their personal journey towards their purpose. And then something about growing the world of services around human development and community that I’m tapped into such as a metamodern Grad school. Um, a couple other things that our friends projects, a Wharton Wisdom, that alumni thing I mentioned to do it anyway so that more people can plug into the team humanity so that we can create the beautiful world our hearts know as possible.

Adrian

Yeah, I love that. It’s, I just got chills because no joke this morning as I was journaling, one of the things I was kind of floating around this idea that it seems like a lot of my training currently in sort of the psychotherapeutic realms and my past, I’m thinking about my previous training in physical therapy and fitness. One thing and now starting to see a connection is it has something to do with freeing up energy so that other people can do more meaningful work. And so literally freeing up energy was like a major thing I was sort of thinking about this this morning and as you’re saying that, I just like my whole body just got a reaction there.

Andrew Dunn

Woah, let’s talk about that.

Adrian

Yeah, yeah. That’s kind of trippy. Yeah. But I mean there’s something about recognizing, yeah, that this modern meaning crisis is to a degree of privilege. There’s a degree of privilege that comes with enabling someone to actually experience the meaning crisis to be at a point in their life where they get to question oh is this occupation or career meaningful for me.

Thal

Because you’re no longer stuck at that survival level of consciousness.

Adrian

Exactly. Yeah. So I think that’s an important thing to highlight to a highlight is to remember, yeah, there’s an element of being privileged and as millennials, that’s another thing that was sort of a theme that was kind of coming up in the journaling was recognized we’re a unique generation and these are things that are, you know, sort of speeding up. But like you, like you mentioned earlier, there’s an opportunity too. This is a really cool time to be part of the change.

Thal

Post-modern thought kind of started to paved the way for us by deconstructing everything and breaking away all the hierarchies. It’s like, okay, let’s do it again. But, you know, consciousness and intentionality.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah, absolutely. Yes. All that. Yeah. Oh Man. So a bunch of things. Um, one of my friends, he’s a coach of mine, so something I spoke recently that like, like don’t be afraid of your privilege. Use it to help others who don’t have it or something like that. That really struck a chord with me. Unstuck energy. Yeah. I was thinking about something similar this morning too. Um, because I recently came into some abundance and I, you know, there’s the conventional wisdom to save and put that in mutual funds that invested in the whole basket of random stuff and you know, maybe you find some better socially conscious and you know, not drilling for oil but um, I also heard things over the last few years, I think I heard something and I, I forgive me if this is not so accurate but that um, in in the Islamic world and like 16th century, it was illegal to hoard money like if you had lots of resources that you had to keep moving them. And I think that might be still a component of Sharia law to some extent. I’ve also heard about communities that experiment with negative interest rates where like, you, you want to keep, like, you want to keep money moving because if you like, if you can hold that money as a form of energy, um, if it gets stuck then that’s when problems might arise. So like I came into some resources recently and I guess there’s like a whole bunch of questions on how I want to relate with that. And I haven’t really been doing anything super proactively. It’s kind of just spin as I’m moving through life if there’s an opportunity where a little bit can go a long way, uh, as, as a gift, as a donation or even like, there’s these crowd platforms where you can invest as little as a hundred dollars in the for profit companies. And it’s like, wow. Like, yeah, I want a, I want to send a vote of confidence that way. I think the resources that I have will, um, will be helpful and, and maybe I will make money in return. Maybe I’ll feel good in return. Maybe I’ll get connections in return. But it’s really not expecting anything. It’s just like the reasons why I had, you know, however many hundreds of thousands of dollars invested into me as a human being and someone else had zero or somewhere in between or more is kind of arbitrary. And we, you know, we have huge inequality problems that we need to address and I wonder if it’s going to take a critical mass of people with privilege, with, with, um, class privilege to start thinking differently about capital. And that was one of the things I mentioned in that purpose statement. I was having these hits of this Conscious Angels idea that was, I was so, I was like, maybe we can start an angel group, like a group of investors who want to fund transformative projects and people, but it was kind of more of like, Hey, I just want to, I just want to help. I guess I want to tell stories about how there’s all these different ways that we can support the people in our community and around us that are not just a donation or a for-profit investment, which is only really, um, if it’s exclusive to people with a certain income level. So yeah, I don’t know, just trying to figure out how can I serve because I have a lot to give and whether it’s time or money or skills or connections, it feels good to do that and it’s actually helping, so I want to keep doing it.

Thal

Amazing. Um, on that note, um, do you, I don’t know if you want to share with us what kind of spiritual practices that sort of sustain you on a daily basis so that you can come more and more from that abundant place.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah, I, well one spiritual practices as many days as I can. Um, during my morning routine, I’ll just take out a piece of paper and brainstorm or heart-storm on something. And so about a month ago I wrote that down…

Thal

Heart storm, I love that!

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. My friend Matthew Lazarus coined that and he’s actually visiting me right now, another conscious entrepreneur. Um, so I wrote down Spring Self Care and uh, like, I don’t know, I’m worried about it being perceived as just a whole list of things cause I don’t do all of these every day, but I usually do a handful that just intuitively feel right for me to do in that first hour of the day after waking up or throughout the day. Um, so journaling, dancing, playing music, drawing, watching the sunrise or sunset incense. There’s a garden right near my house. Gratitude, Metta, Yoga. I got these fun little things. I got the Leaf, it’s a wearable that tracks your heart rate and breathing and get us biofeedback when you’re like, when your stress levels are higher. I got this whistle, a whistle up. Okay. I should know the name of this brand, but what I’m wearing is a, it looks like a whistle and it’s a Japanese ritual around expanding your exhale to 10 seconds. So you breathe in and then you breathe out into this whistle for 10 seconds and do that a few times. And so it activates the parasympathetic nervous system.

Thal

What kind of sound does it make?

Andrew Dunn

It actually doesn’t make a sound.

Thal

Oh, okay.

Andrew Dunn

But it just looks like a whistle.

Thal

Oh, interesting.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. I got posted notes all over my room that prompts me to think about what I’m grateful for. Siempo has an intention on the home screen, so I’m reminded of that a hundred times a day. And I dunno, I just, I try not to over schedule so that I have space to do whatever feels like the most important thing to do. I try to say yes to connection to adventure. I try to educate myself. Oh, I was gonna mention this because when we’re talking about not everyone has the privilege to think about some of these things or you know, focus on inner work, there’s a, there’s a great coffee table book that’s showed up at her house a couple of weeks ago just called like Psychology. That’s, it’s a coffee table book, the hundred most important psychologists through history. And first of all, most are men. Second of all in the bio’s, it feels like 9 out of 10 that I’ve read so far were like, “so and so was the son of Duke, whoever”, or like a wealthy so and so and like had a storied career before they turned to academia. I’ve been reminded of that by, by others too. Um, so I guess there’s like two ways to look at it. Like you can, you can be shy about that or you can really embrace it and use it to share it with others.

Thal

Yeah. It also feels like technology kind of amplified the meaning crisis where even people who are, you know, whatever in survival state or, you know, worrying about just covering mortgage are also going through the big questions. It’s like there’s this, it’s just, it feels, it’s more amplified in a way. So yes, privilege, but also it’s a global phenomenon now. Um, you know, this meaning crisis or, you know, the big questions. Like it’s like a post postmodern state or whatever.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. It’s so fascinating. The track how automobiles, suburbanization social media polarization, like all these technologies and phenomenon have a further separate us from each other, from the land, from spirit, from, yeah. Just from everything and in that, in stories of assimilation and stories of, um, I guess rapid change where it’s harder for the previous generation to really communicate to the next generation these, these wisdom teachings. A lot of people have lost that the important connection. Sorry. Yeah. I don’t think it’s unique to just people with class privilege. I think it’s definitely something that a lot of people are asking.

Adrian

I want to ask you about, um, just along the lines of the spiritual journey, any recent struggles? How it might not have interfaced well with your day to day activities. Anything you can share on that front? Challenges?

Andrew Dunn

Hmm. I think there’s something around knowing my audience and meeting people where they’re at. I think I, I stumbled a little bit earlier on and still do sometimes with coming into contact with folks who don’t have the same awarenesses or who knew me as like a very different person and it’s really tempting to want to share all the exciting things that are happening in my life and some of that maybe projection, some of it maybe like my need to be seen. Um, and that can break connection with, with those folks. And so, I mean, this is something I’m learning as a person in the business world too like, you know, there’s a way to walk into an investor meeting dressed like I’m going to burning man or to trust, like, you know, I’m walking into an investor meeting and even if there’s investors go to burning man, that’s a funny thing. So yeah, it’s, and I think, so I’m, I’m reconnecting with Judaism more after about 20 years of really being disconnected from it. And this whole, uh, like struggle balancing worldliness and holiness is seemingly core to, uh, the Jewish tradition. And maybe we have different words for it, but actually I think that the meaning that is most resonant for me about the word Siempo, it was originally a Spanish play on siempre, “always” and tiempo, “time”. And always being mindful of the time we spend on things. And then last year I was just thinking about it and I was like, what does it mean today for me? And it was just like so clear that tiempo is time, technology, the mechanical, logical and masculine and siempre, always, that’s the intuitive, infinite, feminine. And where it’s about balancing those two energies, Yin and Yang, Shakti and Shiva, worldliness and holiness, heaven and heart, whatever you want to call it. And I’m embodying that and our organization and our product is all about helping people balance you know, being spiritual beings in the material world or however you want to phrase it.

Thal

Beautiful.

Adrian

Amazing. Thank you so much for your time today, Andrew.

Andrew Dunn

Oh, thank you both. It’s really fun to talk about these topics and yeah, I’d love to, um, be available to anyone who wants to learn more about any of the things I talked about. Is it okay if I share some resources?

Adrian

Yes, totally.

Andrew Dunn

Cool. Thanks. So yeah, email me at Andrew at Siempo dot CO. I’m on Twitter, Andrew Dunn, but with two A’s: @AANDREWDUNN. I hang out a lot on Facebook because it’s so good for my life. I spend a lot of time in New York and yeah, Siempo is on Android. You can search it in the play store. We’ll be on iOS at some point. And yeah, we have an open source project. So if you’re a designer, developer, data scientists, marketer, we’d love your support. We’re also hiring for a tech lead. Like, I think I’ve maxed out my requests.

Thal

We’re gonna. Yeah, we’re going to put those links too in the shownotes for sure.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. Awesome.

Adrian

Yeah. It’s great to have you part of a team human.

Andrew Dunn

Cheers. Likewise. Thank you. We got this.

Thal

Thank you. Oh yeah, for sure.

#21: Holistic Psychotherapy with Phyllis Alongi

The journey of healing through psychotherapy entails an unearthing of our authentic feelings that we have learned to shut down due to various reasons, including trauma and societal constructs. More and more, we recognize the importance of connection and relationships for our mental health. The space between two people, whether they are client and therapist, two friends, or lovers, may be an essential factor in healing.

On this episode, we have a conversation with professional counselor and educator Phyllis Alongi. Based in New Jersey, Phyllis brings a holistic approach to psychotherapy and healing. We explore toxic relationships, the therapeutic container, clinical inuition, Sandplay Therapy with children, and we also tackle some sensitive mental health topics like trauma, borderline personality disorder and suicidality. Phyllis is a Reiki and Healing Arts practitioner and she is currently completing her doctoral degree in Integral and Transpersonal Psychology. 

Highlights:

  • Therapeutic Alliance
  • Navigating Toxic Relationships
  • Clinical Intuition
  • Using Sandplay Therapy with Children
  • Trauma, Borderline Personality and Suicidality

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:                             

Welcome Phyl to the show.

Phyllis Alongi:             

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Thal:                             

Thank you for coming on.

Adrian:                        

 Phyl. I’d love to hear, just about the early years before psychotherapy, before you found your profession. Maybe if you can share with our listeners a bit about your history. You can go as far back as you feel is necessary to kind of bring us to date as to how you discovered the profession and why you’re doing it currently.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Sure. I think that my religious background really had a lot in molding me toward the field of psychotherapy and psychology. Initially, I wanted to maybe be a psychiatrist. I was looking more in something a little more toward a medical model. I was raised a Catholic. I engaged in in 12 years of Catholic school education and it was very prominent in my upbringing and in my family, very family oriented, Italian, New York, you know, upbringing. We were Catholic, we went to Catholic school, we all went to church. It was, there was no question that that’s not how you practiced. I knew that, you know, growing up that I needed to be connected and fulfilled because church was very peaceful for me. But it was what was happening in church that didn’t settle well with me, and then throughout adolescence I really questioned and started to doubt my faith, based on some of the events that happened to me when I was 15, I was on vacation with my family, on Easter Sunday and at a restaurant in vacation in Miami, Florida. My father died and had a heart attack. My mother was 39 and widowed on spring break with her three kids and now her husband’s not here anymore.

To come back (inaudible) from that, it took many, many years. I will share with you that one of my very close family members, developed a substance abuse issue. It really put a strain on our relationship and on our family and I started to question my faith and I started to question, what is my religion and from these questions and these doubts, the yearning to be connected to something, to my belief in a higher power. I customized Christianity and Catholicism to my own spirituality, to meet my needs to connect. Psychotherapy seemed very organic in a way because it was about the human experience and it was about the things that I was gravitated towards, about people, about how interesting I think the mind is [inaudible] tried to scratch the surface and figure out why people do what it is that they do.

I think that plus my spiritual background really propelled me into the direction it was, felt very organic. Studying psychology, learning about counseling theory and technique. It never even felt like I was in school. None of that felt like a requirement to me. I’ve always been a duck to water and gravitated towards that piece of it, and as I became more and more entrenched in psychotherapy, in practice and in my life I’ve learned to take bits and pieces of what feels right to me and implement that into my practice with people.

Thal:                             

Amazing! So it’s the spiritual aspects, I guess, of psychotherapy that attracted you to psychotherapy as opposed to psychiatry, you think? How would you describe psychotherapy?

Phyllis Alongi:               

If we look at psychotherapy through a transpersonal lens or a spiritual lens, we understand that it is what’s between the two people. That is something that we can’t taste. We can’t feel, we can’t color, we can’t touch, but we know that it exists. What is it about two human beings that we can create this space between the two of us, and be able to facilitate healing in that. Yet it’s not something tangible. If you look at Catholicism, many of the mysteries and the main focuses of what we are to believe in are not tangible. It felt very much like that, it is my faith in humanity, it is my faith in my spirituality in the essence of another person where I meet them in that area (inaudible). I know that it exists, and that is the space for healing.

Thal:                             

Phyl, we just want to go back a little bit and describe that space between two people, the therapeutic alliance. In your opinion, how does that process unfold? What are the elements that have to be present for healing to take place?

Phyllis Alongi:               

That’s a wonderful question. When people come to therapy, oftentimes they look for the psychotherapist to not only guide them but be the first, the initial space creator. Part of what’s healing and what facilitates healing is what a client brings, what the other person brings to that space. There has to be some equality in that. What creates that therapeutic container? The elements, I feel, that are very very important to the facilitation of not only cocreating it, but also in where the healing starts is when there’s presence and a person comes to therapy willing to be in the moment, willing to delve deeper, to expand themselves so that they’re ready to shed all of what they’re afraid of to all the preconceived notions that they’ve heard, what therapy is like, or what they went on my website and they saw me first and thought, oh, she’s this or she’s that, and to shed all of that and just be in the moment of each other’s energy.

To me that essence of healing begins that therapeutic alliance. Of course, receptivity, how open we both are to being with each other. How open we are to each other’s suggestions and to the energetic flow or the direction that the therapy is going in, which is client led, but it comes from this participatory cocreated spiritual place where we’re ready and we’re receptive. We’re present and we’re in the moment of that. The alliance is built on that equal cocreated trust that what I need is inside of me and you’re going to help me move through that. You are going to help me ignite that in me so that we can discover ways only I know my limitations and only I know what’s going to work for me and you’re going to help me discover that. We can work through that together. I trust that I’m in the right space at the right time. It truly is exceptional, and when two people, that moment where there’s true healing and there’s true trust and the alliance, the rapport really starts to form, the cocreated therapeutic container gets stronger and stronger and it gets more open to what needs, what will fill it, and what needs to be addressed.

Thal:                             

It’s almost like this therapeutic container is a third element that’s available between the therapist and the client.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Yes and it’s not only initiated by the therapist at the onset of therapy, the client needs to come to therapy already ready to do those things, ready to be present, to be receptive and to begin the alliance. When I look back at years of doing psychotherapy, what were the characteristics of clients who really made nominal therapeutic progress, like whose lives changed, who brought themselves to a space where they were feeling better, where they were higher functioning, where they were more content. I look back at those characteristics because they came to therapy ready. I’m not saying like locked and loaded where I have all the answers and I know what I have to do, but that I’ve thought about it. I’m not going to let psychotherapy happen to me. I’m going to be an active participant in it. I think coming with that mindset, seeing your work through that lens helps to shape that container.

Thal:                             

In many ways, this is much more empowering. A lot of people feel like psychotherapy is …is this some kind of mind control? Some of them think that or some of them might think, oh, does this really help? What’s the point of therapy? Really a large part of it is what the client brings in and their willingness to realize that the elements of their own healing is within them.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Yes, what I need to heal myself, the things that I need to heal, to facilitate healing, to cultivate healing are inside of me, and in this space, we’re going to tap them out. We’re going to tease them out and we’re going to move towards healing. There’s so much in that…there’s intuition, there’s desire, there’s things like my commitment to therapy and there’s a lot of factors and sub-factors involved in that. I think willingness, receptivity, presence and the cocreation of that alliance being, you know, ready to do that are probably that my top three.

Thal:                             

That’s a very empowering narrative.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, how do you describe to your clients your style, sort of your approach to therapy? Cause I, you know, there are many types and techniques out there, do you specialize in any particular methodology? How do you typically describe the process?

Phyllis Alongi:               

It’s so interesting because when you join websites like directories and websites like psychology today, they’ll ask, what are your specialties, what techniques do you use? I always find that very interesting o r a client will call and say, you know, someone will inquire, do you do DBT? Do you do CBT? Are you this kind of therapist? Are you that kind of therapist? And I always say this, tell me what you’re looking for? My approach to therapy is that it should be client led and that based on what the information you provide to me of what your needs are, what you’re struggling with and where you want to go, then I will tailor or customize that to suit their needs. Because you know, if CBT techniques, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, might work with one person that they might not work with someone else, someone else may not be open to just the idea of that and wants something more interactive or less inside my head and more in my behavior.

It depends. I like it to be very client led and it’s a very eclectic blend of what I’ve learned. I consider myself very intuitive so I sometimes go with my own clinical intuition of what techniques I think would work good. You know, would work well with someone, what they would be open to, how they would respond. Oftentimes I might think it’s one way, and then as I get to know someone better, it’s revealed to me that’s something else we’ll work. Usually, it’s just led by the client based on their conversation, what they’re looking for, where their level of functioning is. I think that that’s probably what I am, I’m more holistic and I come from a very spiritual place and I allow the client to tell me about spirituality before I bring it in. I let them bring it in, first, so that I know that it would be welcomed and that they’re receptive to it. I use a myriad of years of bits and pieces of what I’ve learned and what I’ve incorporated that I know is what the client is looking for in the moment.

Thal:                             

Before we move on to the next question, using words such as empathy and intuition nowadays, you know, it could mean so many different things. What is intuition to you? What does it mean?

Phyllis Alongi:  

To me, intuition is a way of knowing without knowing how I know. When I see someone, it’s not a message or channeling, I wish I could say it was that, but it’s energy. My energy is reading your energy and I’m getting information based on your presence and your essence. This is the best way that I can describe it. I hope that it makes sense to your listeners that it’s a feeling that I get and then I take a moment to think what is this feeling? Then I get some information and I don’t know how I know to do that. For instance, I’ll give you an example. If I’m working, if I don’t know a client very well, maybe it is the first or second time that they’ve come to me for a session and we’re talking and I get this feeling like I need to ask about a specific sibling or a maternal grandparent and it is inevitably impactful, has had an impact, negative or positive on this client.

Why would that feeling come to me if we were talking about some work situation or they were explaining something else to me? It’s a way of knowing something without knowing how I know it’s not in anything the client said. It’s not in anything that any paperwork that they would do beforehand or in the intake, it’s not a conclusion that I’ve drawn. It’s a knowing that I get when I’m very connected to someone’s energy and 100% in the moment when there’s that cocreated healing environment and it’s two people present in that spiritual, exceptional transpersonal space between the two of us and we are connected is when I get the most intuitive information and it really does help guide where the sessions are going.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, in your opinion, is this intuitive abilities something that can be trained? I mean we live in a society that it seems that the left brain function sort of analytical mode is highly celebrated and perhaps these sort of intuitive skills are a little bit less familiar with and perhaps often just not even an area focus in education. Is it something that can be trained?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I definitely think that psychospiritual practices, Yoga, meditation, Reiki, even massage therapists, mindfulness, those are ways to increase it. We all have intuition and I think how we can train someone is how we can harness it and it would be in cultivating practices and giving some guidelines and really learning how to trust early on those intuitive moments that you have. You can ask any therapist who would tell you that they have had clinical intuitions and that they’ve gotten feelings about what to ask clients and directions to go in and have been very successful. Sometimes maybe you’re not right, but that you have to learn to trust it enough to ask.

You have to do it in a way that’s through the lens of appropriateness and respect for the profession, and for the person. To weigh whether or not it is a good question to ask and is it appropriate for me to ask at this moment? That comes with practice. I think training would come in the form of clinical supervision. Certainly a piece of that could be, let’s go through your cases. We talk about the code of ethics, we talk about dual relationships and HIPAA violations, confidentiality, you know, documentation but let’s talk about your clinical intuition. When you get those insights, how do you feel about them and is it something that you know, like any other kinds of technique that you would use?

Is it something that you feel comfortable with? Is it something that you want to cultivate, that you want to fine tune? Is it a skill you want to hone? If a supervisee says yes or a therapist or even a seasoned therapist who’s like,, I always do that, but I didn’t really know anybody else did that because it’s not very mainstream. I think it certainly can be discussed and channelled and fine-tuned and brought to a space where we could definitely come up with some techniques and more guidance on how to cultivate it and when not to use it.

Thal:                             

Training clinical intuition, that sounds amazing! So that means the therapist has to be working on themselves outside of that therapeutic alliance because what they bring into that therapeutic space can influence the healing process.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Yes, Thal, absolutely, it’s important to note that if I’m having energy reading, or if I’m having a reaction and response, somatically, to you, maybe you are to me and I have to respect that too. So, yes, we need to have, clinical supervision outside and therapy outside of our own practice so that we can, one, unload, everybody’s energy in and all the things that we’re working on with all our clients, two, bounce cases off of someone else, but also to work on ourselves ongoing all the time. I don’t think it’s something that you do for x amount of years after licensure. I think it’s something you need to do for the rest of your life.

Thal:                             

You work with different modalities. One of them, you’re trained as a Sand play therapist, and maybe can you talk to us about that. Can you tell us what Sand play therapist is?

Phyllis Alongi:               

Sand play therapy is an amazing modality in which there’s sand, which, you know, is the earth that we’re all very familiar with. When you feel it on the bottom of your feet, just how therapeutic something that organic can be. It was developed many years ago by a woman who trained under Carl Jung. It is a fascinating, wonderful modality to process trauma and other issues. Someone may be having anxiety or depressive symptoms, but especially for trauma without words. So there’s a specific tray that we use that’s a standard size, a regulation tray. Then we have all of these miniature symbols, these miniature objects that are really archetypal symbols. If we look at Jung and we look at what he taught us, it’s that the collective unconscious and that there are symbols and there are archetypes that we have that are based on and shaped by our own personal experience.

Then he believes that there are ones that are innately, inherently, inside of us simply because we’re human. And you know, those are amazing little miniatures and symbols that we use, and they’re so powerful. A client would come to my office either, you know, adult or child. Needless to say, children gravitate toward the sand like it’s amazing. We have to really tease out two things here. When I’m holding onto something and I’m aware of it, it’s very powerful and it’s bigger than me. The more I talk about it and the more I process it with someone and I externalize it, it’s power gets minimized. It decreases. Sand play therapy for a child, let’s just use a child as an example of you know, this situation, so we’re going to say it’s a child who comes to me who may be years and years and years before, as an infant there was some sort of abuse or something happened to them, and that was at a time before they had language or had acquired language to articulate that trauma.

So how are they going to talk about it? How is this going to happen for them? If our body remembers on a cellular level, we have memory of our trauma, of our childhoods, of our life, maybe even in the womb, so how are we going to articulate that at this time before there was words and because the sand and the miniatures are representative of our unconscious and what’s inside of us, it comes out in this narrative, in this story through these archetypal objects and these symbolic objects.

Someone, unguided, will begin to build a tray, which means this is the therapeutic container, which is myself, the office, the space between the two of us, the sand, the hands, the miniatures, the lighting. Sometimes people want to build trays to music, so they pick the music that they like and they just build and they create this extraordinary world in a sandbox on wheels that can turn around, that can spin. When they’re done, they tell you the story of what’s happening of what this world is that they created, and as each of those segments of the story unfolds, the trauma gets smaller and smaller because it’s coming from that cellular memory place. It’s coming from that primordial moment, from my ancestors, from archetypes, from the collective unconscious, and it’s coming from what’s processed and happened to me, before I could even have language to tell you.

When I do it with adults, they’ll oftentimes ask me about it and then ask me if they can do it, and then they get very emotional and tell me or go for like childhood objects and maybe things that are representative of what’s happening in their life now or in relationships. It is a beautiful experience and honestly an honor and a privilege to witness because the mind struggles with intense emotional pain and we have to process it. At some point that’s just the way our psyches work. It will force us to. It’ll keep knocking until we actually process it. This is a wonderful, imaginative, creative, therapeutic way to process what we’re dealing with, what we’re struggling with, without using any words.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, I love to ask you, just considering people that might not even have experience working with a therapist. How do you understand trauma? What is trauma and how might you describe that to somebody who is approaching this for the first time?

Phyllis Alongi:               

Adrian, there’s so many facets to trauma. I mean, if I saw a car accident on the corner of my block that could traumatize me and someone was injured or just the loud noise of it or holding my breath for that second when I saw two cars collide would be vicarious trauma. If someone that I love goes through something, an illness or when I care about this person, and we’re very close and I see that something is happening for them, I am affected by it, that’s traumatizing. That could impede and interfere with my everyday functioning because it’s something that’s wounded me somehow. It’s pain that I’ve held on from something that’s either happened specifically to me or I witnessed that’s impacted me negatively, and it hurts when I think about it.

When I think about this event or this relationship or this childhood that I’ve had this relationship with someone in my life when I was a child who affected me in a way that was negative. Trauma could be really ongoing. That’s why it’s important even in education, especially in education and especially with children that we…for our educators, for our psychotherapists that work with kids, social workers, school psychologists, whoever, any collateral contact that works, works with the child or an adolescent. I think especially for education though, for educators to ask instead of saying what’s wrong with you, to come from a space of what’s happened to you. We have to understand that someone’s experience brings them to where they are and we want to be able to meet people where they are, and as a psychotherapist, you have to understand when someone sits down in that space, either next to you or you know, because kids like to sit next to us, or sitting across from us.

When someone sits with us, they’re sitting down physically, it’s one person, but it’s all the people in their lives that have affected them in some way. So one person sits down, but there could be 15 people in the room and we have to be able to say instead of what’s the matter with this, what’s wrong with this client? We have to think through the lens of trauma informed psychotherapy. Where have you been? What’s happened to you? It just changes and shifts the dynamic, and it shifts the perspective of the way that you see someone. It comes from the heart. I think that’s something people have to remember. Psychotherapy is a science, psychology is a science, but it’s the science of people and people come from the heart and we have to remember that that’s where they speak from. That’s where they process from. That’s where their pain lies? We have to be able to, to remember that.

Thal:                             

All the elements seem to include play, spontaneity, and people, and so that has to do with relationships, which takes us to our next question. A lot of people have struggled and continue to struggle with toxic relationships. How would you define toxic relationships?

Phyllis Alongi:               

A toxic relationship is a relationship and it can be a limited relationship. It doesn’t have to be an intimate relationship that has a negative impact on a person. Oftentimes toxic relationships are, we really have to change the way we look at that too, because we want to blame someone and we have to remove that from the equation because it’s not a matter of blame. It’s not a matter of whose fault it is. We have to look at, in the relationship between two people where maybe the power isn’t equal or there’s some strain on the relationship or one person is suffering from mental illness and is acting out towards this other person and doesn’t even know it. or maybe someone loved someone and wants to be with them and the other person doesn’t yet they’re together. So in toxic relationships, and I’m using air quotes, although you can’t see me.

Toxic relationships, I think what we’re looking at is unhealthy. It’s unhealthy because it doesn’t speak to my best self because when I’m in this relationship, I’m less than who I really am and what my best potential is as a person. It stifles me, it minimizes me and it makes me smaller than who I really am. People have such light and such energy to them and negative relationships really try to snuff out someone’s spiritual flame. When I think of of negative relationships, toxic relationships, unhealthy relationships, somehow or another, we managed to stay in them longer, well beyond than we should, and we have to look at why. This is why I say we one of the reasons why we need to take blame out of the equation because me being in this toxic relationship and even aware that it’s not healthy and I’m staying in it longer than I should. I’m benefiting from it in some way.

Thal:                             

Absolutely.

Phyllis Alongi:               

By being in this relationship, there’s some benefit to me, and I may not even be aware of it.

Adrian:                         

Yeah, the word that’s coming to my mind is also codependent relationships. Could you share with listeners what that might mean and how that would work out as an example.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Adrian, that’s a term that’s used a lot in addiction because a codependent would be like an enabler. Technically, I think, traditionally when we look at codependence, we look at that like the need to save, the need to really help someone, and because we want to love and nurture and care about this person, we allow them the space and the time to do what it is that they do that has a negative impact on us. Codependency could have many masks, many phases and we can do a whole podcast just on codependency, but I believe that that is so true. It’s so interesting because I see it in families and it’s very oftentimes not really looked at through that lens of family relationships that there is certain codependent behaviors that are evidenced in a family dynamic.

Where the one person maybe isn’t well, and then the child becomes parentified. The parentified child really cares for that parent. The role is confused, but how does that adult child benefit from parenting their parent? We have to look at that too. This relationship fulfills my need to nurture, my need to heal, and I don’t know how to move from that. I don’t know how to detach from that emotionally. I think that’s in a lot of relationships that are not healthy detachment, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone. Your own independent mental health and wellness is not really where it should be because you’ve been snuffed out or stifled, your psyche has been shaped in this negative atmosphere and so it hasn’t been able to grow properly.

Like a plant that’s not nearly in the light enough, it will twist and vine around. It’s misshapen. I think sometimes, kids that come to me with anxieties or the parentified child, they’re like that twisted vine, they’re misshapen and it takes a lot to get them to the space where they need to get, where a parent needs to back down and see, I can accept my role and try to work with kids to kind of not be afraid. That’s what I think about toxic relationships and codependency, it’s another example of a cocreated relationship because initially maybe it was facilitated by one person, but the dynamic now is cocreated. Working on moving that and shifting that kind of energy is a process and it takes time. I tell people there’s no magic wand, but if you are committed and willing, you can certainly get to where you need to get but this is going to take time.

Thal:                             

I just love the metaphors that you’re using to describe all these dynamics and without really being stuck with all these terminologies. I want us to also maybe touch upon the borderline personality structure. I don’t want to call it a disorder. All these personality structures are an ego defense mechanism, just like the codependency. So what can you say about the borderline, basically?

Phyllis Alongi:              

Well, it depends on, like everything, the degree to which someone is in one direction. I think that personality disorders, I look at them as like autism spectrum disorder, like on a spectrum. I agree that you have it or you don’t, but somewhere in there it’s either very intense or not. I think that if we look at, let’s just say borderline personality disorder per se, there are certain characteristics to that. We can talk in extremes, that are very difficult for family members and people who are close to employers and coworkers living with someone who has a borderline personality disorder symptoms is very difficult. It is easy to get sucked into the web of histrionics and drama. The universe, in my opinion, the universe, I’m sure there’s no study on this but I do believe that the universe hears that gravitation towards emotion, high emotion to high drama, to Histrionics, to problems, to obstacles, the universe takes a little snapshot of what it is that you’re thinking and that’s why we have to really monitor our own thoughts.

 If I’m always thinking the worst, the hardest, the longest, the craziest, the most dramatic, the most tumultuous relationship, the most passionate lovemaking, the most I was waiting the longest on line, those kinds of things that the universe takes a snapshot of that and so that’s what it gives you, I think, that constant state of thinking so chaotically is what the universe then provides and it perpetuates the lifestyle of someone who has a borderline personality disorder. You can really detect it, early on, although we don’t like to, but you can see features or like a borderline personality disorder flavors in adolescence. There are certain behaviors and thought processes, just the way their mind strategizes and it’s always me and this is happening to me and all of it.

It’s always a snow storm, but a blizzard, their periscope, will go up and look around the room and see where’s the heat, where’s the electricity and that’s where I’m going to gravitate towards, and it is on a very nonconscious level. It is just on an energetic level. Life is very chaotic, very sad, and relationships are navigated by control and how can I manipulate this and make this relationship everything that I need, and it’s really, in my opinion, very underlying fear of being alone, of abandonment. So I will keep my people with me for as long as I possibly can forever. You’re never going to leave me and I’ll do anything I can to see to it that you stay with me, and those relationships are very difficult. Children of parents who have had or were diagnosed or gone undiagnosed with borderline personality disorder, similar to adults who were children of alcoholics, have a whole other host of issues that they deal with going into adolescence and adulthood, emerging adulthood.

When we ask someone’s history, it’s not only biological but to see what runs in your family, only because essentially, because I want to know, where are you coming from, what’s happened to you? If you tell me that you grew up in a household with a parent that was diagnosed or is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, then it sheds a whole new light on the situation. It’s difficult. It’s very difficult. My advice is that everybody be in therapy, that there’s family therapy that there’s in-home therapy, which would be extremely helpful because the family would get engaged and you’re seeing the dynamic in its natural habitat. Very interesting, very revealing. Every member of the family should have individual and family counseling. It would be the real way to do that and the most effective.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis in the psychological circles I’ve noticed that borderline personality specifically is a bit, it seems a bit stigmatized and I wanted to ask you, are there hidden gifts to people that might actually have a strong borderline tendency, that might be helpful to work with?

Phyllis Alongi:               

Oh, absolutely and you know, Adrian, isn’t it true that every mental illness is just an extension of something we all are experiencing and it’s just the difference is that it’s chronic, it’s bigger than me, it’s interfering with my every day functioning. It’s interfering with relationships. That’s where the difference lies in the end of the spectrum. It’s further down the spectrum of some of our own behaviors. What are the gifts if manipulation could be a gift, if just the sense of how to navigate a situation with fine tune, heightened sensory abilities, amazing. You know, there are many gifts to that, and just like observing and assessing a situation or a person finding, being able to hone in on someone’s strengths and weaknesses, also a gift. In relationships, where even in marital relationships and intimate relationships, being able to detect what it is and anticipate what the other partner needs is very high on the gift skill I think of of someone who may be suffering with that type of disorder.

Thal:                             

That’s very important that you mention those things because you know, that brings in the role of empathy in difficult relationships. It seems like borderline personality disorder now is the thing that everybody’s talking about and everybody’s realizing and there is a very negative side to it. A lot of people that suffer with borderline also suffer from suicidal thoughts or people that are living with a borderline suffer from suicidal thoughts, which takes us to our next topic, which, I know that you liked her nationwide in the United States, around the topic of suicidology and its connection with youth issues. What can you say about that please?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I will tell you about that in a moment but I just want to say that as far as the stigma of mental health is concerned, it’s with every diagnosis and it’s with every disorder, and people have gifts, period. We were talking about, I think we went from negative relationships to negative relationships and borderline personality disorder, but any mental health issue deserves respect and that person deserves treatment and they deserve to feel proud about that. I work really hard to diffuse and break the stigma of mental health, people are people and they are not their diagnoses, just like they’re not their mistakes. That’s something that I want to make perfectly clear and there are people, specialized psychotherapists, who have really specialized in working with that population. If you are suffering or someone you know is suffering with a borderline personality disorder, finding someone who is specializing in that area would be amazing. That would be my recommendation because it’s some, it’s a very dynamic topic and so, we’re getting more and more information about it and so it’d be someone who would be very passionate about working with that population.

When we talk about suicide we have to look at, whether it’s adults or adolescent or child, we have to look at risk factors. One of the risk factors is clinical. If you have a mental health diagnosis, any kind, you are at higher risk for suicide. If you are in a relationship with someone who is struggling and that has a health issue, not only a mental health issue but an illness or you know, you’re in a relationship that isn’t working, there’s some situation that’s causing high anxiety or depressive symptoms or you know, some turmoil in your life. It puts you at risk for suicide.

 Certainly, exposure to suicide, exposure to loss will hike you right up the list of risk factors and being in a relationship with someone who has attempted and that level of exposure to suicide or loss can really be one of the biggest risk factors. Also, recently there’s been some good research coming out of I think it’s Yale actually about nonsuicidal self-injurious behavior originally was not connected to suicide at all for many years. It was like there’s suicide, self-injurious behaviors aren’t really related to suicide and Thomas Joiner and some of the other suicidologist are really looking at the connection between misbehaviors and threshold for pain and injury, self-injury and its intersection with suicidal ideation and behavior.

Adrian:                         

I was just going to ask you, if you can give an example, I’m just thinking of is that the same as just bad choices, like not unhealthy behaviors that’s leading to a slow death? Is it that what is considered or is that different?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I think that that’s different because there are certain components. Suicide is a very complicated issue. Even when we look at suicidology in the field of psychology, it’s over like out there and in a field by itself. There are many, many, many reasons why someone would contemplate suicide or attempt suicide, and it is very multi-determinational. It’s multilayered. It’s never one reason why it’s mostly always more than one reason why. And those risk factors clinical, exposure, history, family history, access to means situations. Those come together like the perfect storm and somewhere in the middle of that, it starts to lay the groundwork. When we look at the working definition of suicide, it’s an attempt to solve a seemingly unsolvable problem with intense emotional pain and impaired problem solving skills. What it really means is that when someone wants to die by suicide, wants to hurt themselves to kill themselves, they don’t want to die, they want to end that intense emotional pain because in the moment of crisis thinking, which the characteristic of suicidal thinking, all they are doing is crisis thinking.

When someone is stuck in crisis thinking, they can’t get back up to healthful problem-solving skills. So they get stuck in unhelpful problem solving skills and then there’s some triggering event and suicide becomes an option. There’s an irrational component to it. There’s an impulse component to it. Suicidal thinking can be ambivalent or even sending a message sometimes. So when we look at all of that, we have to understand that within this complicated issue, you know what it really is and when someone is suffering from that intense emotional pain, they don’t realize at the moment in crisis thinking that it’s only temporary, that this pain isn’t going to last forever. That there are ways that I could, you know, help myself that I could, I could maybe alleviate this.

I need to ask for help. I need to reach out, externalize and reach out of that pain and ask someone for help. To know where to find the resources like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Number, the 74174 crisis text line. You can just text and say, I need help. I feel like I’m going to hurt myself. Talking about it is very relieving and we know that from survivors of suicide attempt that once they talk about it, they feel better about it and it actually buys you some time because there isn’t that impulsivity component to suicidal behavior. There’s a sense of not belonging. There’s a sense of burdensomeness to family and friends, not feeling connected to anyone or anything. That adds up and that’s all part of the suicidology theories, that feeling of that sense of not belonging.

It’s so important for us when we look at youth suicide. It’s so important for us to really, encourage our kids to join something in the community and schools sports to be connected to something and to find that trusted adult, that caring, trusted adult to have that connection with. Those are the two biggest protective factors for not only suicide, but other risk behaviors like substance abuse we have in our country right now and in specifically in the county that I live in the neighboring counties, we have a very big opiate epidemic going on and the same risk factors, warning signs, and protective factors for suicide are the same ones that we could apply to substance abuses and other risk behaviors.

Adrian:                        

I imagine people that want to direct, whether it’s friends or family members towards help, there can be resistance, often there is resistance to help. What can you offer for those who are trying to help someone who is suffering and they want to bring them to a therapist or a counselor. How do we help them get over that obstacle or that resistance?

Phyllis Alongi:               

That’s a great question. Resistance is difficult and I’m going to say don’t give up, you know, don’t give up. You have to keep asking. I think we need to explain to people because they think if you tell someone that you have suicidal thoughts, you know, suicidal ideation is very common and it’s more common than we think. The Center for Disease Control did a youth risk survey, I think it’s 12.5% of a hundred thousand youth were thinking about suicide. It’s pretty common. When we tell someone, listen, I know you’re struggling, whatever you’re struggling with, you’re not the only one. We can find something that might be suited for you. Therapy doesn’t always mean, doesn’t always look like me and you, you and some old guy, sitting across from each other, or like, but they think Freud, maybe my back to you and you’re lying on a couch.

But that there’s art therapy, music therapy, drama therapy, there’s sand play therapy and all these different psychodrama, all these different modalities that work really well and that we can find one that will work for you and you’re not alone. Individual therapies. Amazing. Group therapy is amazing. There are wonderful support groups for survivors of suicide attempt and also for survivors of suicide loss. I’m sure that you can find in your Canadian resources that are amazing and not to give up, and to keep asking the person, we here in the United States we have organizations that provide in-home therapy services and that people feel more comfortable in the privacy of their own home. It could be over Skype. There are so many ways and so many different modalities and avenues that you can go to that you could explain to someone. Just because you’re thinking about suicide, doesn’t mean you’re going to end up hospitalized because that’s another myth. The number one myth surrounding suicide is if we talk to someone about suicide, we’re planting the idea of suicide in their head and that is the number one myth surrounding suicide.

Thal:                             

Thank you. These are very important and heavy topics really, that we touched upon today. Before closing, since we are talking about relationships, I’m thinking about couples therapy and communication. What is the role of proper communication in a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship?     

Phyllis Alongi:               

I’m immediately in defense mode because every conversation I have with you ends in an argument or slamming the door and sleeping alone or being in the dog house, and I don’t want that to happen so I won’t communicate or I’m not ready to talk about it right now and I don’t know how to tell you that so I’m shutting down and you’re following me around the house wanting to get out of everything you need to say. I think people need to put, you know, when we talk about communication and couples, I tried to help teach couples to argue differently and to communicate on a different level and shed those old patterns, those old habits so that they can have positive conversations that are meaningful and that respect each other, because that’s so important that a person feel heard and respected and not judged.

Whether it’s about something that happened at work or with the kids or with us isn’t minimized by your judgment. It’s so important that a person feels like what they have to say weighs more than what I’m not saying. That you are hearing what I’m saying as an insight to what I need from you emotionally. Can you meet my emotional needs or maybe maybe you don’t want to anymore? Sometimes when relationships aren’t working and it’s not what one person wants, one person really wants the relationship to sustain that communication that’s negative, it isn’t going to work so we have to look at when, when I meet with couples for the first time, the first question I ask is, does everybody want to stay together?

 Do you both want to be in this relationship? If the answer is yes, then we’re going to roll our sleeves up, we’re going to get in it and we’re going to really do some homework and we’re going to make the commitment. It’s just like joining a gym first time you have to learn all the machines. You have to figure out what works for you what doesn’t work for you, what exercise is beneficial for you. Does this hurt too much? Do I feel comfortable doing this? What do I like? What do I not like? We have to rediscover each other as people, not just my wife or my husband or my partner. We have to look at who you are and how am I connected to you. If I don’t feel connected to you, how can I get reconnected to you if that’s what we both want? That’s the essence of successful couples counseling because it’s what we both want and we’re both willing and receptive to making some changes that are hard to do so that we can, our relationship can sustain all the waves of greatness and the things in our lives that happen that aren’t so great.

Thal:                             

Hmm. Amazing.

Adrian:                         

Phyllis, I’d love to leave our listeners with some resources. What’s on your list of heavily recommended books for the people that you work with.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Well, Codependent No More always, that book is very old. My partner in practice and I always giggle about it because we’re like, did you write down the Bible? That is such a great book for someone who is in a relationship and wants to make changes. I think everyone should read Irvin Yalom, The Gift of Therapy. I think that that’s amazing. That’s a book that I would recommend to anyone who wanted to learn about being in the here and now and having to be in the present and maybe looking at psychotherapy from a therapist’s lens would be great and would offer some great insight. There’s Eyes Wide Open by Mariana Kaplan, which is also another wonderful book about bringing spirituality into session, which is also very beautiful.

 Any clinician who wants to learn about intuition, Terry Marks Harlow. She has some really great workbooks, and some good insights into how to incorporate intuition and how to not be afraid of your own intuition. She’s done tremendous work and continues to do tremendous work in that area.

Thal:                             

Thank you. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Phyllis Alongi:               

I just want to say that if you or anyone you know is struggling either in a relationship or with something within themselves or you know, that therapy can be an amazing experience. It can be even just like a polishing of the skills that you already have. You don’t have to have any kind of problem. You can just want to take your life a step further. You just want to maybe gain some insight or hone your psychospiritual skills and interests that it’s a beautiful space.

There are some wonderful Reiki practitioners and that’s another great modality that I use as an adjunct to talk therapy like Sand play therapy because it’s, it gives people a great way to learn, to be in the moment of themselves, to feel their own bodies, their own energy, to learn, to breathe, to do some, wonderful mindful breathwork and understand that, and I’ll leave you with this, that everything we need to heal ourselves is inside of us, and sometimes we just have to reach out outside of us externally to figure out how to tap into that.

Thal:                             

Amazing. Thank you.

Phyllis Alongi:               

Thank you so much for sharing. Awesome. Thank you so much for having me. This was a wonderful experience and I was so happy for you to do it and I feel very grateful and blessed to have had the opportunity. Thank you.

#20: Sexual Kung Fu with Yanshuf Kadesh

The purpose of Taoist teachings is to help us develop balance and harmony with the source, pattern, and substance of everything that exists. Our sexual energy is a powerful expression of that life force. And yes it can be trained consciously in a way that brings about healing and vitality.

Yanshuf Kadesh is an accredited instructor of Neidan, the closely guarded ’Inner Alchemy’ practices of Chi Gong, which were first brought to the West by Dr. Mantak Chia. Yanshuf had a former career as a Clinical Psychologist with an interest in transpersonal psychology. He also has extensive Kabbalistic training in Israel. We discuss how cultivating sexual life energy through Tantric and Taoist practices can lead to deeper healing, higher consciousness, and evolutionary change. As we move towards possible dystopian futures with artificial intelligence, Yanshuf believes that we desperately need to reground ourselves in our basic sexual nature and to reconnect with our wholeness.

Highlights:

  • Cultivating Sexual Life Energy with Taoist Chi Gong
  • Sacred Sexuality in the Modern Age of Technology
  • Evolution of Consciousness

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:

Welcome Yaacov to the show.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Good to be here.

Thal:

Thank you.

Adrian:

We’ve been asking our guests recently to share with us their spiritual orientation as they were growing up. I think that’s a nice place for us to get a sense of what it was like around from the home front, whether there was any orientation at all and how that possibly put you on a trajectory to being here today.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Well, to be honest, I would have to say classic rock, you know. Enhanced with cannabis. That would basically be my first shamanic practice, I would say. Like Big Stadium Rock and Psychedelic Rock, Progressive Rock and becoming a bass player and being very immersive with the music. Um, I grew up in a Jewish family, but non practicing essentially, really quite assimilated and um, yeah, that sort of became important to me later. But, um, growing up it was really the music that, to me, I later understood to be my way of reaching for, uh, that sort of whatever you want to call it, transpersonal or, and there’s something in the, I think that there’s, um, there’s intimations of infinity within the… when you have the overdrive of the guitars. So if you listen to the guitar, like Jimi Hendrix and also if you also, um, Robert Fripp who uses the sky saw sound, which is a compression on the sound. And so that you play the note business and just, it will go infinitely. As long as there’s a power source, the, the note will continue on forever, uh, using, you know, using compression. And, um, so I think that when you’re listening to that music, there is that sort of, there’s a, there’s a certain feeling of the infinite that comes that I’m sure other people gained from classical music or other things. But for me it was, uh, was the Rock and Roll. For sure.

Thal:

Certainly music is a powerful tool into the transpersonal realm. Were there any specific moments, um, that you’ve had that kind of experience while playing music that you remembered?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well, yeah, I mean, I definitely have had times in different, uh, band situations, even more in an open jamming situations where you sort of dropped into the groove and just everything’s happening. And, uh, it’s really an amazing thing with other people to be sort of seemingly moving into some kind of a space where nothing wrong can happen. Everybody’s in the zone. And, um, and I did begin to think of it as a, that there’s a muse, you know, there’s some sort of a being or an energy or something that is desiring to come down and it’s, that is the muse of this moment or in this people in this situation. And it’s a question of to what extent do we sort of merit to be a channel for what’s coming through.

Thal:

To allow it.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah. And, um, you know, if you allow yourself to inquire with those types of things then uh, yeah, I can open things up.

Thal:

How old were you? And where were you brought up again?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Um, born in Montreal.

Thal:

Okay.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And moved there out of there when I was I think three or four and grew up in London, Ontario.

Adrian:

I think I read somewhere in one of your bio’s, um, you having an interest in hockey as well?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah, I grew up playing competitive hockey. Uh, it wasn’t, I don’t know, say it was really an interest, it was just sort of what one did. If there was a religion, you know, a local religion, it would have been more probably hockey. Uh, an I did that till I was I think 13, 14, and then it got my bass and that was it. I was no longer …and just sort of waking up to the notion of like, why am I getting up at four thirty in the morning and pitch black and minus 20 degrees to go and skate, figure eights for hours so I can be on the competitive … I respect that, athleticism and people. I have friends that went really into it went far with it. But yeah, for me it just wasn’t… I didn’t want to be doing that. Plus I was too skinny. Like I get smacked around, I was playing in London, Oakridge hockey. And you know as soon as you start traveling out to Aylmer and whatever the sort of, you get these farm boys, corn fed, Ontario farm boys that come start.. They will kill you. [laughing] So I had a couple of bad hits and I think my mom was there for one of them at a tournament. And uh, yeah, it was enough of that.

Adrian:

A natural weeding out process.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Yeah, I was definitely, weeded out. Yeah.

Adrian:

How did the academic life enter the path? Because I know at some point pursued psychology and study in academics.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Um, it’s interesting. I mean I graduated high school, um, and then I went east. As soon as I graduated high school I had my Bar Mitzvah money. Cause even if you’re not really religious, you still get to have your Bar Mitzvah and you get a little bit of money there from that. So I flew to Southeast Asia and I was searching for teachers and practices and things that I could connect me somehow to whatever it was. And, um, eventually I, uh, after some time in, um, Buddhist monasteries and also in Dharamsala and with the Tibetans and wandering in India and meeting different people. And then I ended up going to Israel. Uh, I’d picked up a book while in India about Kabbalah, which I didn’t know existed before, but I saw a star of David on a book and I was like, oh, what’s that about? What’s it doing here in India? And so I was reading about Kabbalah when I was wandering around in India, and it inspired me to go, and, you know, I’d never known there was this mystical dimension to my own ethnic background. And, uh, so long story short, um, fell in with the Hasidim and, uh, a group that was particularly devoted to the, I think we’ll be called the ecstatic Kabbalah. So really the meditative dimension of the Kabbalah. You mentioned Sufism before

Thal:

Yeah. So there’s the ecstatic Sufism.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So there’s a very strong affinity there. Uh, so I was doing that and um, it’s what happened I think was first of all my own emergent struggles at that time with a sense of identity and having grown up in one cultural context, language and so on. I was really, when I went into this, I went really deep. So I went into, um, you know, it was all Hebrew speaking, very traditional environment, um, all male, you know, uh, environment and studying the texts and practices. And I started to have some nervous symptoms that I began to explore and understand what was, why was I feeling these discordant feelings and it had to do the struggle with identity and “who am I?” and all of that. Um, so I was starting to read psychology and it was also attempting to implement the meditative practices and understand them. Understand like what are the changes, because I was partially blocked from progress because of my emotional difficulties. But on the other hand, I was sort of, I was also taking flight but not in a very integrated way. And so the immersion in these mystical texts and so forth was opening certain things up for me. And at the same time, I was trying to understand how can I do this in a way that I really feel like it’s authentic, I’m gaining traction and is integrated. And I think that, that, those were the things that drove, drove me to be…I picked up, I think it was Jung initially I was reading and, um, I put it in the bathroom of reading it in the bathroom. That’s the tradition amongst Jews is you sort of put the secular reading or they not…you know, the books you read outside the bathroom was all holy books have to be holy books only. So you put the psychology and the bathroom, but now I’m spending more and more and more time in the bathroom.

Thal:

Although Jung is holy in a way. [laughing]

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah, sure. So now that whole distinction for me is problematized so yeah. At the time I was like, okay, well if I’m going to spend so much time in the bathroom because I’m reading Jung in the bathroom, maybe I should just go study psychology. So that’s what I did, yeah.

Adrian:

Oh wow. That’s fascinating. Because it sounded like you became opened up to mysticism, became a student of mysticism first and then that eventually drew you towards studying psychology?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. And I think my entire project within psychology turns out to have been primarily about how do we, how do we engage processes of, um, again, it’s always a problem with language, but, um, let’s call it higher human development. Something like that. How do we do that in a way that is grounded and that, you know, the psychology gives us a wealth of tools to understand just our emotional lives in our, the way we work in cognitive functioning and um, desire, you know, also the whole Freudian legacy and the existential psychiatry and all, you know, all these strands that um, you know, you can use them, but you can also sort of get stuck in it.

Thal:

Yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Uh, and so for me it was the, using the psychology to become grounded and then in order to be able to cultivate and enter sort of more of a practice mode rather than a therapeutic mode, enter a practice mode and evolve from there. Yeah.

Thal:

It’s like, you know, just sharing your story, it’s, I find so many connections to my story where it’s like reading Jung was like, oh, I see what I was doing there with Sufism. Like I did a lot of bypassing too. Whereas where I really find a lot of the Sufi texts, I’m sure it’s the same with the Kabbalists. It talks about all these higher levels of human development and it is psychological. A lot of it is psychologically minded but removed from our modern context, and like the Sufi books, at least a lot of it is removed from the modern context where psychology can create that link.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. It can, but it’s not, it’s not that it is going to do it. It’s that we need to do it. Yes. And that’s part of the issue is that when you sort of, when you have this empirical model of say psychology based on statistical methods and so on, where you have to sort of always be, um, faithful to a corpus of knowledge, which of course we now know is highly problematic. You know, uh, I sort of understood early on in my psychology that there was a big problem with the psychological literature, uh, because I had a professor David Bakan, recently, he passed away a number of years ago, but he was one of the first to really get into critiquing the methods as they were being used. He wrote a book book called On Method. I think from the 60s, maybe like 66, 67 really worth looking that up. David Bakan and uh, he was the head of humanistic division, you know, he was an examiner for the college and so he was really, he did a lot of fascinating things in psychology, but he sort of tuned me in early to the fact that this is a real problem, psychology. And he was a huge advocate for speculation. And psychology. He says, you know, from speculation. It’s like with, it’s like speculation with entrepreneurship and so on. You speculate and you can have great gains. You know, you can also lose, but you can, you can, if you don’t speculate, then where are you ending up? And so where are, where I’ve ended up with my speculation or into these, these eastern energy-based practices, um, you know, the tantric sexuality and so on. Um, you know, when you can always trace your way back to some statistical study or another. Um, so, uh, you know, outcome research is often helpful. But anyway, yeah. So the psychology has to be… It’s a field and we have to be willing to think within the field and not just you know, run a series of comparisons on SPSS and have that be… Cranking out the knowledge, you know, uh, there’s a lot more to human beings. We’re fundamentally mysterious and I think it’s important to honor that. And as we explore, as best we can.

Adrian:

Yaacov, I’d love to hear how you ultimately discovered the Neidan Sexual practices that you’re deeply into at the moment and teaching and practicing.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Um, okay. So the trace that back I have to go to, there’s someone named Ohad Ezrahi and he was someone that I sat together with in the Kabbalistic training in the early nineties. We were both students of the same Rabbi. And, um, years later, maybe like 10 years later, I bumped into him and he handed me this book, which was David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man, which Ohad had translated into Hebrew. So that was my first introduction to the field of sacred sexuality, let’s say, through David Deida. And so, um, when I was practicing in here in Canada and psychology and was personally engaged with the David Deida work, uh, and doing both individual therapy and also, um, couples therapy, I began to inevitably to begin seeping in some of the ideas about, um, sexual polarity began to be start to stand out for me in situations. And, um, so I’ve actually went and did two intensives with David Deida in California and really immersed into that. And, um, at a certain point I decided I need to take a hiatus from my clinical work in order to more deeply explore this field, which I guess with David did, it would probably be described as Neo-Tantra. Um, and it was through that exploration that I learned about Mantak Chia’s system, in terms of particularly the practice around male sexual empowerment and control, basically. Being able to bring consciousness to one’s sexuality in a way that had not previously been aware of. And so within David Deida, he also talks about those things more, I believe from the yogic in the tantric tradition. However, it’s really, I believe in the Chinese tradition that you, you have the really, um, fleshed out, um, pragmatic technical. I mean it’s drawing from, um, traditional Chinese medicine and as well as martial arts, um, Chi Gong, you know, the Neidan integrates all of these, all of these influences. And so that’s basically how it ended up. It was sort of through David Deida and finding in the field and then within the field seeking, um, I guess the most efficient way for me to um, progress within my own, uh, my own practice.

Adrian:

For those who might not be familiar. Um, just to give context, should we zoom out and look at sort of Taoism as a larger system and within that, how these practices kind of fit in that umbrella? Is that a way we can describe it in detail?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Uh, sure. You can. However, I will say that when I was coming out of my orthodoxy, my Jewish Orthodoxy and moving into these fields, I became highly allergic to, well, put it this way, I basically, um, after spending my entire life, particularly my adult life as a voracious reader, uh, and, and completing my doctorate and the rest of it. When I started getting into these practices and after that initial exposure to, as I mentioned, my friend Ohad who handed me this translation I pretty much didn’t read at all for like about two years because I knew, I knew…

Thal:

I like that [laughing]

Yanshuf Kadesh:

I knew that as soon as I started to read about the practices that I was doing and interpret them within broader philosophical, traditional frameworks, I would be immediately interpreting, comparing, contrasting, all of that stuff. And I just didn’t want to not want to be in my head in that way. And in language in that way, I was connecting with the energy. I was starting to feel it. And it felt revolutionary to me. And to be ground to that, it felt like I needed to really to avoid. And even to this day, um, I’m so cautious about when I feel myself zoop up into my head. Um, I mean, it’s, uh, you know, the Jewish people are called the people of the book, right? And, uh, I, you know, I do believe that what our ancestors for engaged with has a strong influence on who we are. It doesn’t, it’s not all of who we are. And we can choose how we want to manifest and we can connect with other traditions from other human beings who’ve done different things and expand that way. And these archetypes are all available to us regardless of how they came down in particularly in our, in our bloodline, let’s say. Um, but, um, it’s strongly felt to me that if I start activating this sort of intellectual process, which I do periodically, but I don’t, it feels it’s not balanced.

Thal:

It’s a prison cell in a way. It can be.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah. It can become a prison cell. It can also open up doors as it did within the Kabbalistic mysticism. I was studying where this very sort of very intense intellectual engagement brings to sort of appreciation of paradoxes. And it’s a lot of contemplation of sort of different varieties of infinity and almost like in an Aristotelian typology of nothingness. There’s different styles, degrees of nothingness and this sort of stuff. And so yeah, it takes, it doesn’t necessarily end up in just a maze within the intellect as it might in other, um, sort of less metaphysical context. But, uh, but it doesn’t necessarily, it tends not to, um, if you’re preoccupied on that level and that’s your main focused and you might be losing track of your, your heart center. Yes. You know, your gut, what your, what your gut is, is communicating and your sexual center. And, and I, and I had learned, I had enough of those initial experiences in these practice spaces that I was being exposed to for the first time of how healing and how empowering it is to, as a human being, be connected with that sort of core life force energy in oneself. And, um, so it’s, I did most of my life in one way. And so maybe you need to sort go to the other extreme for a time and then hopefully I’ll be more balanced at some point in the future. Yeah.

Adrian:

Can you share with us, um, you, you mentioned you’re starting to feel some of these energies and, uh, so again, without us, because we are using language to try to communicate these things, it’s difficult, but I do want to bring that into focus is how the subtle energies are a big part of some of these traditions and practices. Can you talk about your experience with this new awareness?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Boy oh boy. Uh, yeah, it’s, it’s a tough one because it’s sort of, if you don’t want to be the person who’s just constantly just talking about energy all the time, energy, energy. Energy is everything. What else is there besides energy? I mean, I guess Tantrically speaking, there’s consciousness and there’s energy and all there is is energy in motion. Um, in terms of the sexual practices. So within the Taoist work in particular, you do begin to discern different qualities of energy, different types of energy through practice. And there is uh, a very well developed framework within traditional Chinese medicine that talks about the meridian system and the different qualities of energy that move through that system. Um, yeah, I feel like I don’t really feel like I’m, I’m really the person to talk about that authoritatively. I haven’t had that kind of training and as I say, even in the training I have had, which is based on the same energetic map, I tend to allow things to emerge in practice rather than sort of learn them first on the way it’s supposed to be. And then in my practice to have that expectation, it’s like I’m always testing the ground, excuse me. The system of the system of Taoist work that Mantak Chia who my teacher is teaching, uh, in the Chinese is referred to as Inner Alchemy, Just Practice Chi Gong. It’s a very strong emphasis on practice. Just practicing. With that said, I can say that having worked immersively within this system now for several years, that I do feel clear difference between, um, an energy, which is a more feminine energy of experienced as Earth based, connected with the earth. It connects with certain parts of the body and sexual center in particular versus, uh, the Shen or the spirit energy, the fire energy, um, you know, these sort of archetypal qualities of different energies. And so you begin to, that’s a very basic discernment between the, basically like the fire and water energetically and, uh, a lot of what’s referred to as the Alchemy. And the, no, the more advanced practices are called the Fusion Practices or the Immortality Practices of the Tao. Uh, there’s a lot of working with these energies and learning to mix them, um, and it becomes quite esoteric quite quickly. And, uh, but for me even to have gotten to the point now where I feel like I can ground to earth and also feel upwards through the top of my head in a way that really actually is very strongly empowered by my previous experiences with Kabbalistic practice to sort of connect to this sort of heavenly force or presence above. And to have both of those things present, uh, feels very, very, um, empowering and energizing that there’s this arc of energy between this sort of masculine and feminine, is another way to talk about it. Yin and Yang. To be able to stand as a human being and to be in touch with both of those brings a lot of positive benefit.

Thal:

So anyway, you’re integrating, you know, the, the head part of your life and and the body and connecting with life force. Um, in your opinion, what is the importance of cultivating that sexual energy? Like how is, how is that beneficial in our life?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well, that’s, that was the thing, like, one of the things I really really like about Mantak Chia is the … you start from the foundation, you start from the foundation. So the sexual center is like, even in the Indian tradition, Mul, like Muladhara is the foundation. It means foundation. And also in Kaballah itself, Ilsold, that’s Fiera, right? That’s fear of the sexual center. It’s also named foundation. So what is it about the sexual center that’s foundational and if you’re going to build a building, where would you want to start building the building from? And to me it became very obvious that as human beings, we are born from this sexual force life force, that it does have a polarity nature to it. And that being in touch with that and being healthy and whole and having a flow of that force within is the best foundation for developing of our other capacities in what I call a grounded way. And so you avoid the types of problems. There are many types of problems when they are transpersonal practices that sort of bypass the sexuality piece or consciously suppress it or repress it which is even more dangerous when it’s sort of an unconscious process and a cast it into darkness, so to speak, of the unconscious. And then it, of course will reappear in different ways. Um, so to me an approach that, and I would almost say speaking now really more as a transpersonal psychologist and being able to stand apart from any of the particular was a parochial interests of the different religions or anything an approach to me that begins from that foundation and helps people to be healthy and whole and happy and learned to cultivate their sexual energy, which then when you cultivate it and draw it up upwards, which is what all of these traditions are doing, draw the sexual energy from the sexual center upwards into the other centers. Uh, it does, it doesn’t always, it doesn’t continue to be necessarily a sexual thing, right? It becomes sort of a magnifier of other centers. So if you draw sexual energy up say to the heart center, it takes on a different quality energy. It takes on different quality. Uh, if you bring it up to the mind, it’s expansiveness and energizing of the mind. Um, yeah. So I kind of lost the thread there. Tell me how to remember it.

Adrian:

Yeah. I almost feel like, um, you mentioned foundation and grounding it in practice. And in a way, I’m also trying to find a way to allow this conversation to flow and not lose sight of that too, is to ask it in a way that’s practical based.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes.

Adrian:

Um, can you share with us what are some of the core practices of cultivating sexual energy? What does the beginning look like for a new student who’s exploring these practices and what are some of the goals if you can even use that word?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay. So I mean that question I prefer to take as someone who’s really syncretic in my approach. So I have been strongly influenced by David Deida’s work, uh, which is drawing more from the tantric tradition and also Mantak Chia and also very influenced by the ISTA process, International Schools of Temple Arts, which integrates Tantric, Taoist and what we call sexual shamanism maybe. There’s a ritual element to it as well. Um, so just speaking, I guess as myself rather than from some particular situation. I think that for modern people today that want to explore these things, the very first thing to do is, um, first of all, get really well schooled in this whole area of boundaries and consent. And if it’s going to be an interactive thing, you can also practice solo. Uh, and you really have to practice solo as well in terms of the alchemy work in order to do that, such as something you do with other people. Um, but if you’re going to be moving into quote unquote practice spaces within sacred sexuality and Tantra and so forth, then one way or another, you need to become acculturated to boundaries and consent and also understanding about owning your own, uh, needs, learning how to really articulate what you need, um, and learning about, you know, sort of what types of interactions you’re getting into and what this is about you and what you’re seeking. Not blaming others, not being quick to, um, you know, there’s the drama triangle, it’s another very important tool that’s used within the ISTA field, um, victim, aggressor and savior. And so when anybody moves into one of those roles, it will tend to elicit others to move into complimentary role. So somebody is moving into a victim role then they will tend to draw. First of all, the victim role will itself imply already an aggressor or persecutor of some form of their president or pass or what have you. And then, and then likely there are people who are going to be drawn and wish to go into a savior role. So learning to own your own stuff and not project onto other people and have that sense of sovereignty within yourself I think is really, really basic for all this. And in terms of practice, you know, um, it’s a bit different for men and for women. For men, as soon as you’re going to start to work with essentially sexual Chi Gong, let’s call it. So you’re going to be moving energy, working with energy. Chi Gong is the skillful use and interaction with life energy. And if you’re doing that with sexual arousal, then you’re going to come up against, uh, this question of ejaculation rather quickly. Um, so there’s kind of this tough thing at the beginning for men needing to gain some control of their ejaculation and there are techniques for doing that and it can be cultivated and so on for women that, that extra pressures is not there in the same way. Yeah. So it’s, I think it’s kind of a little bit hard to speak to technical, um, aspects of the Neidan practice, um, just in words. But I think that basically grounding is super important. It’s something that not everybody understands if they just are watching on the internet or reading a book, uh, I think it’s important to stand with a teacher and someone who is, or someone who’s at least knows how to ground themselves energetically and feel it, feel what that means. And, um, we’re just so used to floating around in, in this, um, sort of mental realm and living within these mental frameworks.

Thal:

And even sexuality is you know, approached from the head.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. Yeah. And visual! Oh my God. Like now we’re in a situation of a whole generation that has been just so fused with the visual stimulation in order to connect with their own sexual energy. Uh, so then you have problems, let’s say like young men, let’s say, uh, having erectile disfunction, um, in there like early twenties, and just things that are just unheard of previously and, and addicted to the visual, not just visual, but sort of ever changing, ever more stimulating, more, uh, in order to even function sexually. Uh, so yeah, really important. So then from that angle, I would say that learning to pleasure oneself in a loving way without it needing to be about any other image or form that you place in your mind.

Thal:

More conscious.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Conscious. It’s conscious and it’s, it’s also letting go in a way of your intentional consciousness and just being in a flow. Um, a loving flow with oneself. That’s something that I think just in the culture that I grew up in didn’t really have a place for that. Uh, you know, masturbation and shame just the shame around sexuality. So that’s, that’s a huge one. Like right off the top, we can say that. Coming to terms with that, like, do you really think that we are sexual beings? I don’t think that’s in any way disputable. We’re sexual beings. So if we’re sexual beings, should we be ashamed of our really most basic sexual, uh, ways of being? If we’re sexual beings? I mean, pretty much everybody masturbates I mean, some form. Why do we need to be ashamed about it? So asking those questions and progressing with others in intentional spaces, let’s say, where there is a lot of work around things like boundaries and consent, um, and, and finding one’s voice and all of that, and beginning to see, okay, so if I’m a sexual being so, um, and that’s so essential really to our embodied lives. To what extent can I be a sexual being first of all, with myself, right? Or is this shame of some kind of projected other looking at me in the face of whom I’m feeling ashamed. So it’s this internalized observer that I’m, you know, working with whole that whole situation and then actual other people. To what extent am I able to be a sexual being in the presence of others? What does that bring up? So for example, is a lot of women who… first of all the site of a penis is, uh, can be.. it raises up all kinds of stuff, you know, it’s a hugely powerful, impactful thing. Well, it’s just, just human being has one has this organ and like, let’s just start from the basics and then see what is coming, what comes up if you’re in the face of that. Um, and what if the penis is erect? What then? Like a lot of women will see an erect penis and it feels like they have to serve it some way. That they must respond, they must provide or they must avoid or they must be afraid or they, um, so, you know, I don’t know, like I don’t have answers. Um, but I am part of a kind of a subculture today that is willing to explore the questions and, um, with the foundation of a lot of really good communication skills and ingrained ethics, um, to, um, you know, explore these things and, and to see where we may be able to get to that is just healthier and provides a better foundation for our further development as human beings and in our cultures to, uh, just be, just be more fully ourselves I think. And, and then from that foundation, there seems to be other, um, there’s further for us to develop and evolve. You know, we’re not at the pinnacle of our human sort of achievement. I think that there’s, in particular, in relation to the whole question of the Internet and algorithms and surveillance society and robotics taking over. I think this is a good moment as human beings to reground ourselves into our basic nature and to be empowered from it. And then to meet the future and meet the challenges and um, you know, from that more, more whole, more at peace place.

Adrian:

Yeah. I, I wanna I want to actually explore the male practice a little bit if you don’t mind.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Sure.

Adrian:

Um, you mentioned, one of the paradigm shifts, uh, when I was started to explore these practices is the idea of, um, holding ejaculation or to prevent it while engaging in sexual practice. Can you describe that a little bit? Because it is a radical shift in paradigm to I would imagine a lot of western minded people.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

It is. I think like most men simply assume that, uh, if you’re going to be sexual, it’s going to lead towards orgasm and ejaculations always accompanies orgasm. Well, it turns out that’s not necessarily the case. And so what’s happened within the last half century is that exposure to some of these eastern systems from India and China in particular, there are others, but mainly those, uh, it turns out that, you know, there’s a lot to be to be adjusted and worked with in terms of that way of masculine being. And, uh, you know, women are freer in their sexual expression and sexual experience because they don’t, when they, there’s not this, they do ejaculate but they don’t lose.. they don’t ejaculate and then have to have a refractory period and the energy drain that’s involved in producing the sperm, which is just so, such a powerful substance. And so that we’re producing that. When men learn to move sexual energy in the, within the body in ways that it doesn’t, it doesn’t need to express itself through ejaculation. But you can almost “in-jaculate” is a term that people use up the spine and begin to move the energy around. So then types of orgasmic feelings at different parts of the body. Um, you know, it can have a brain orgasm or you can have a heart orgasm and things which are more common for women to feel actually quite natural for many women to feel the sort of whole body states varying degrees and intensity. Um, so it turns out men also can have that once they train their sexual as some of this is actual physical training. Training the muscles basically to gain control of the spasms, you know, of ejaculation. So then you’re able to play without orgasmic feeling that is there and yet you’re not a jocularity. If the feeling is they’re already sort of resonating on that orgasmic frequency, let’s say. Um, and then you can, and you can move it around, breathe it around, intend it around to different places and then join. Also if you’re with a partner can begin to synchronize the energies and a lot of, uh, truly amazing things that I don’t think that our western sciences really even begun to understand at all. But when you, I mean, it’s like a, Ken Wilber mentioned some people that critique in a different context, like meditative methods and so on. You comparison to the churchmen that refuse to gaze through Galileo’s telescope, you know, because they just were “nah”, you know, so if somebody’s willing to come and engage with these things, then yeah, we can show you the magic. The magic is there. It’s real. Um, once these energies are in motion and you can move this around and you, and I’m perfectly willing to have people describe it using different language, for example, then the traditional Taoist ways or the Traditional Chinese Medicine ways of talking about it. I have no objection to that. I mean, it is a practical system of healing for about a billion people. So there’s that, you know, something’s working there. So, uh, yeah, these practices are to truly extraordinary and revolutionary and I think, um, have the ability to really entirely remake our culture really, I would say.

Thal:

What about, um, since we brought up the male practices, what about females? Um, is it the reverse?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well, so I’m cautious when I teach women always to say that the way I approached these practices is as a man. And so there is, there is that difference. Um, so I’m somewhat aware of, uh, of the, of the way that women practice. Um, what is your question specifically?

Thal:

Maybe what’s the, or, how do women practice the kind of, um, practice that you teach? There’s that. Also, right away I’m thinking about people who are maybe gender nonconforming. How would they practice this kind of tradition?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay. So those are two really important questions. Um, let’s go with the first one. So I would say that like a lot of the things with the Neidan at the beginning phases, there are practices that are fundamental practices about, um, clearing the body of unwanted emotional, like negative emotion. Within the body because when you start to work with sexual energy, you will magnify whatever feelings are there. So if there’s a sort of a latent anger or if there’s a tendency to depression, um, you really need to be very cautious about how you approach this. When you begin to move the sexual energy around and amplify it tends to amplify. So if you can get yourself to a calm, centered, positive before you begin to amplify your emotions through the, the sexual Chi Gong, you’ll be in a lot better position. Um, so the early practices are, I believe, fairly identical between men and women. The inner Smile practice, um, the six healing sounds are practices that Traditional Chinese Medicine uses to clear, as I say, negative feeling states from the body. And, um, and then you move into things like the, uh, the practices for grounding to the earth. Um, in my experience it seems that women are more readily sensitive. And it’s like every other thing where there’s a normal curve. It’s overlapping, there’s exceptions, but I mean, women generally seem to me to be more sensitive to energies per se. And more readily able to ground in the way I’m talking about. Those practices I believe are virtually identical with what are known as the Iron Shirt Practices, which overlaps with Chi Gong, Kung Fu and with Neidan, all of them utilize these practices for different purposes. Um, it’s about opening the Meridians in the body so that these lines of energy are clear and that you can move energy in the question of Neidan. Um, initially you’re going to move into this sort of the Chinese tantra aspect. You’re going to be moving sexual energy through the Meridians. All very similar. I think that there are, the practices that are, are clearly different for women that are of central significance are two. One of them is the jade egg practice where women will insert an egg shaped stone into the vagina and to begin to… first of all just holding it there, toning the muscles of the vagina and with time learning to control the positioning of the stone, moving it upwards and downwards, um, developing a kind of a suction ability an ability, which as a physical ability corresponds with an energetic ability to draw energy very forcefully. Um, and then they go from my larger stone, which is easier to hold, to a much smaller stone over time and, um, become stronger there. In the context of these original, when these practices originated, it had to do with the imperial court of China and you know, the concubines and so on, um, who were expected to be able to control the ejaculation of the emperor so that the emperor who, I’m not sure if he’s training himself or not to control himself, but when a woman trains with these practices, she’s able to gain such strength in her vagina that she can actually close off by squeezing base of the penis. She can prevent the man from ejaculating. So that’s, you know, these things can be, can be trained to really high levels. But even just, you know, the women that I’ve spoken with about it and my own teachers, I have my primary teacher now is a woman, Francesco La Barca in Israel. And, um, the things I, what I’ve understood is, um, you know, just even having, putting it in there for 15 minutes, holding it in the body is, is a very, very, very strong practice for a woman. It brings awareness to that area. It energizes the area. It’s toning the muscles. And, uh, when it comes to drawing, the energy moving energy become much more effective. The other practice, very significant practice is the ovarian breathing. Very, very interesting. And it’s analogous to things that we as men, that we do in using the testicles to generate energy, and then we can move that energy around. So like an engine. So for women it’s the ovaries and it’s specifically timed. So just after the completion of menstruation and the pre ovulatory phase of the menstrual cycle, uh, the women do this practice and during that phase, so according to Chinese medicine, that’s the phase where there’s a lot of Yang energy, a lot of active sort of fiery energy in the ovaries, which is preceding the formation of the, um, you know, the ovulation process. So the energy’s there. And then the energy triggers the ovulation process. So what women do is they, with breathing, with intention, with visualization, they connect with this process. They connect to their ovaries. Very important, by the way, for both women and men to have a kind of conscious sense of their own sexual organs and this connectedness with them. Um, and so the women, they tune in to their ovaries during this phase of the cycle. And they, using the breath and intention, so on, they direct the energy away from the ovaries. They draw down through sexual organ area, uh, into, um, down to the Hui Yin at the base, um, which is the point between the anus and the vagina for women. And then they bring it up the spine and you drink it all the be all the way to the crown. And so when women do these practices, what they report is, uh, a lessening of the amount of blood during menstruation. They report a lessening of pain during and prior to menstruation. Women who practice these things intently can actually cease menstruation. Uh, it’s a choice. They can always back off a little bit and allow menstruation to continue or they can dress so much energy and bring it to other centers, other purposes, uh, that they, um, will cease menstruation. And then if they, and they back off the practice for a time, then menstruation will resume for women who are in there in the phase of life where they are menstruating. Um, so it’s, it’s quite fascinating and yeah. Yeah. I really invite you to, um, to speak with female practitioners more about what that’s like for them.

Thal:

I’m just thinking when you mentioned the yang energy, there is some kind of agitation that happens before the PMS. So, I guess, you know, if I’m someone that’s more in tune with my body and I’m intentionally meditating, doing these meditative practices, then I’ll probably shift that agitation into something more positive. Maybe feels like that when you’re talking,

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Uh, give me an example?

Thal:

Like, just like in, in terms of like maybe I’m thinking psychologically as well. Like you know, to me, I see that connection between the energy, you know, and psychologically, just before the period there’s this energy and agitation. And so if I’m doing these meditative practices, then it’ll be like, there’ll be more consciousness, more awareness. And it’s not just this low grade, you know, agitation, anxiety.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes, yes.

Thal:

Yeah. So it’s psychological healing as well.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I’ve, I’ve lived a number of years now with, with mainly amongst people, amongst women who really value their cycle and who view it as an essential part of their spiritual practice. Really.

Thal:

Yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And this notion of moving through archetypes. There’s a really wonderful work of Miranda Gray, a book called Red Moon, and she’s got an organization worldwide called the Womb Mothers. And really exploring these things. So for her, that premenstrual phase of the cycle corresponds to what’s called the Enchantress Archetype. There’s a heightening of psychic intuition.

Thal:

Yes and I sense that in my life. Yeah. Become very highly intuitive and yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So the difference between context practices, cultures, subcultures that want to work positively with those energies are just be bringing awareness to it at all. And the culture. For example, I remember looking at a TV commercial not long ago and it’s a picture of a woman and she’s swinging into the lake, you know, on the, on the rope and having a grand old time. And because this Tampon she won’t even notice that she’s having her cycles is sort of an attempt to sort of erase that. And that’s a really deep thing, a really, really deep thing. Like why that is, how did that come about? What is going on with that? I think that, you know, the Red Tent as well. I think that the premenstrual phase in particular, also menstrual phase is a kind of a, you know, there is, as I mentioned, sort of a heightened psychic energy and I think that there was fear.

Thal:

Yes. Yeah.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

I think that women who really go deep into that energy.

Thal:

It’s powerful.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Very powerful forces at work there.

Thal:

Right.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And I think that that men in particular were scared of it. Scared of it. And it’s associated, I think with the spiritual power of women flowing out from nature rather than from various types of philosophy, ideology about God and so on. But this sort of…

Thal:

Definitely not in the head [laughing].

Yanshuf Kadesh:

No it’s not head based. It’s this other thing. Uh, so I think one of the things I would say that, uh, has been, uh, just coming out of Jewish Orthodoxy and the whole question of Nida and, um, you know, the women are sort of, it’s separated after that time. It’s considered an impurity and so forth and switching into a tantric work.

Thal:

It’s a big shift.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

It’s a very big shift. It’s a very big shift. So it’s just, yeah. I don’t know. Um, yeah, I’m not sure what else I can say about that. I can say a lot more, but I lived with a woman for a time who, this was her main thing I’ll actually cite, her name is Isabel Burr Raty. B. U. R. R. R. A. T. Y. It’s a plug. She’s a performance artist based in Brussels, Belgium. She’s from Chile and uh, yeah, she grew up in Chile. She became a full on through contact with the Mapucha people, southern Chile. She went through some sort of shamanic initiation and she was a TV actress and anyway her main research for a number of years now has been these things. And um, yeah, I encourage people to check out her work and see what she’s doing. She’s working with a lot of stuff. Very radical kind of stuff.

Thal:

Cool.

Adrian:

Yaacov, would you be willing to share your personal experience with these practice. Um I’m specifically curious about the early challenges perhaps when you began performing some of these exercises on your own and some of the positives and the early changes that you noticed in your own experience of life. And what was that like for you?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So you were referring to the, like the physical aspect, the Sexual Kung Fu?

Thal:

Yes

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay. The challenges of Sexual Kung Fu, um, I would say for me, discipline, uh, I call myself a lazy mystic and anything that demands, you know, but you sort of, there’s certain things you need to do kind of on a daily basis, you know, train your perineum muscle and really strengthen it up. Uh, and there’s just, you know, the challenges of making the transition to being highly sexually aroused, full erection and full arousal and then not ejaculating. Not ejaculating. Breathing the energy around, doing various practices of movement of the energy and then sort of, okay, you know, moving on with your day and that’s an adjustment. That’s a really big adjustment. And so, you know, all the, first of all, I made all of the mistakes that people make. Building up too much energy, not clearing the energy, practicing and while not being grounded properly. I didn’t really understand that until I actually got to Tao Garden with Master Chia himself and was in the presence of people who were grounded. Like really grounded, strongly grounded to Earth. And then I was like ah, okay, now I get it, you know, so the energy can equalize. I don’t need to carry excess energy in the body because I was a thing like you start to work with the sexual energy and you’re not ejaculating so initially the tendency is for just to build up in the sexual area, you get blue balls and all the rest. So, um, that, that was a challenge. And then what, what does it do to your mental state when you have all this sexual energy? It’s just like how did adjusting to having more energy and uh, and then there’s, there’s sort of, um, common plateaus that you reach. Like there’s a phase where for a lot of, a lot of, I don’t know if it’s just men, I’m assuming women as well, like you start to build energy in the sacrum area and the energy is willing to go from the sexual center up to the, through the tailbone and up into the sacrum, but doesn’t really want to go past that. And so then there, you know, there’s things about massaging the area using silk to massage. Warming the area. And really it’s about moving also into a Chi Gong posture practice and Iron Shirt Practices where, um, you’re, you’re learning to do packing breathing. Like you’re opening the areas and opening the Meridian so that the energy flows more readily. But until that time, you’re like walking around with this energy charge, which on one hand is great because it’s, it’s, uh, especially for men who are a little older and there can sometimes be a question of erection, not erection circumstances. It’s like you’re carrying, you always sort of feel you have the potential for erection is there. It’s just not, it’s not sitting in your, in your penis. It’s sitting in your, in your sacrum or your tailbone, uh, and then eventually it sits in your, in the center of the body in the dan tian. Like in, around the intestinal area, you just store your orgasm, let’s call it your potential orgasm. You learned to store it in different parts of the body after circulating it, using the energy to open things up. That’s just, it’s extraordinary. It’s really hard. I’m sure it sounds really weird to a lot of people to sounds really weird, but, uh, it’s choosing to live in a kind of an energetically, erotically energetically loaded state. With some of the women in particular who practice these things, it can get to extraordinary levels where, uh, you know, women who are choosing to really embrace this, you go deep into this energy that you sort of allow it to animate you. Um, so you just, just from like a breeze comes and a person will have shutterings of orgasm, different parts of the body or a butterfly flows by, you know, or the or, or she sees the gleam in the eye of a, uh, an older person sitting on a bench in a park and it’s orgasmic. You see it’s life. It’s this positive life affirming energy. It is life. It’s not the words that we’re saying about it’s this, it’s that. It’s is what it is. [laughing], So for me, it’s been just incredible. Just incredible. You know, and these are longevity practices. And not just longevity with a Taoist tradition, the Neidan is the Inner Alchemy. Wudan is the external alchemy. And that’s the use of plants and all the Chinese medicine. And to come to these elixirs and, um, to cultivate immortality actually is the goal. And that’s not something you take seriously until you, until you spend some quality time with, with people who are practicing these things on a high level and progressing beyond all this Taoist sexual alchemy that we’re describing into what are called the Higher Fusion practices and the Kan and Li fire and water alchemical practices and uh, um, and then you start to really feel it, you know. And you meet people who are literally reverse aging before your eyes and you can’t believe how old they are. Uh, there’s people today that I am so curious to. I mean, I hope to live another hundred years if I can, if I can succeed in what I understand is to be happening, uh, so, and I think I don’t have to stick to what I thought of stuff ran out of things to say. It starts to sound really odd I think to people. Uh, it’s the thing, you just have to kind of look through the telescope. Like Galileo was challenging the inquisition. Well why don’t you take a look if you know?

Thal:

Yeah. Something that you mentioned before that before we start recording that that sexual energy goes, moves into the heart. And was it like, you know, and I’m thinking about spiritual, spiritual love and spirituality and so like some of the things that you described, I feel like it, I’ve happened to me before where I’d like, like that orgasmic feeling in my heart, but I didn’t, I didn’t cultivate it consciously. I didn’t know that it was that, you know, like there’s not necessarily a separation between our sexual energy and love and spiritual love.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

That’s a really critical piece. And I feel it almost every time we say the word sexual, I feel that split, that tension.

Thal:

Yes. Like it’s connected to this, to sex in these images come to mind.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yeah. Sex and it arouses all this stuff. All this fraught stuff.

Thal:

Shame.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Yeah. Shame. Yeah. Resentment, anger or trauma. Um, all this cultural stuff, historical stuff, all the stuff about patriarchy. All of the gender wars, all of it comes up. And so we’ve, you know, we’ve got to work that stuff through and in dialogue and in conversation, so on. But also if we can sort of go direct into the energy, even just as a solo practice without engaging anybody else, uh, it can entirely alter our perception of what…

Thal:

Which, which actually takes me back to that question that we mentioned. If you answered it about the gender nonconforming, because if we’re talking about energy, then really the binaries kind of dissipate a little but we, we are still aware that, you know, that this teaching, the female teachings are quite distinct from the male teachings. So how do we address that?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. So, um, that becomes a, you know, a kind of a, a larger, um, philosophical, intellectual conversation. Okay. Uh, so I could sort of mark out the basics of the way I see that. But to me, both of these traditions that I have been working with, the Neo Tantra and the Taoist tradition and also the Kabbalah. All traditional wisdom traditions are in some important sense essentially list in the sense that they all talk about, uh, kind of a masculine feminine polarity in the nature and the cosmos.

Thal:

Yes.

Yanshuf Kadeshe:

Um, whether it’s, uh, you know, the Parsufim, in the Kabbalah, you know, this father and mother and all this, the whole metaphysics around that Yin and Yang, um, Shiva and Shakti. Um, so right away I think it’s important to acknowledge and to be intellectually honest..

Thal:

Yes.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

That any form of, um, analysis that relies on a socerian postmodern, um, literary devices. If you’re viewing everything is text based, right. And that gender is simply a function of how we’re going to assign a certain meanings and so forth. So then that’s not in, I don’t think that is going to be at all compatible with, uh, these wisdom traditions, which do talk about actual forces that are out there that you can name them. However you choose to name them. And you know, and the, there’s the goddess has many names, right? And God has many names. Um so I think it’s important to have that at clear at the beginning cause I think a lot of people who are, let’s say going through their undergraduate training within a deconstructionist or postmodern or however you want to frame that, um, philosophy, um, Foucault is a big influence and this is with fraught with sort of the power dynamics around language, around meanings and all of this. Um, yeah, there’s a lot of tension in the culture right now about this philosophical approach. And, um, so what could I say, um, I would say that the, any true Shaman, let’s say. Like to be shamanic is to be, be able to attune both to the feminine and the masculine. You cannot be whole, truly whole a human being if you cannot resonate with both of masculine and feminine energies, energies and their varying combinations. And just to be alive and aware to that. And I think that people that want to train as healers and even just within psychotherapy, like when you do depth psychotherapy, like longterm, uh, psychotherapy with someone of the opposite gender, uh, with their different experiences and you do, you start to resonate with it. In Taoist tradition, we have physical bodies that are characterized by one or another of the masculine and feminine. And then of course there are various variations, human variations, but the variations, our variations within that basic polarity, I think it’s fairly, it should be fairly, fairly clear. And then of course there’s the energy body within all of these traditions is both masculine and feminine. So that means that every human being has a masculine pole. And every human being has a feminine pole. This came into the western psychology in the form of the Anima and the Animus of Jung, uh, it lives within a Taoist tradition, you know, as the, as the energy bodies and the various Meridians and so forth. So, I mean, I feel my feminine pole down the front of my body and on the left side and it’s an immediately felt conscious part of my experience and I can choose to move into living, experiencing, uh, connecting with another person more through my feminine pole and I can choose to go into more my masculine pole. And there are times in which I practice as a practice consciously to go out to my masculine pole or out of my feminine pole. And this is, this is Tantra, this is, this is also any of these systems that engage with the sexuality in this way acknowledge this. So there is, there’s, so I personally don’t feel that I need to wear women’s clothing in order to, uh, express my feminine pole. Um, I will say in the last few years of my, my shirts have become a little bit more colourful and a, yeah. And I like my long hair and, um, I allow myself to, you know, there’s also sensuality and like there’s a lot of men still who have this thing of they can’t really be sensual. It’s already shameful not to be sensual to whatever it is, you know, care about your appearance or, um, so I think that right now there’s a bit of tension. Like even in Toronto, I’m aware of people coming into practice spaces and wanting to feel accepted and welcomed. And I can say that for me, myself as a teacher and everyone else I know that works in this field, we find nothing shocking about people who are living out varying combinations of their physical bodies to apparently or not.

Thal:

Different forms of expression.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes. Forms of expression and I’m all for all kinds of exploration and experimentation with being beyond gender. Um, you know that also in the Taoist tradition, there’s the physical body characterized by varying combinations of these masculine, feminine polarity. Then there’s the, then there’s the, the, the energetic body, which can be all of them cause it’s not manifest physically. It’s, it’s all of those potentials we all carry. And then there’s what the, what’s referred to as the original spirit, which is beyond the Yin and Yang.

Thal:

Yes, yes.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

And a lot of what we’re doing with these practices by cultivating the ability to go out to a pole and with a partner who goes out to the opposite pole so that you’re heightening the polarity, you’re heightening the difference, that there’s a magnification of the amount of energy there. Um, and so that you’re drawing down with you drawing down from that, which is beyond the Yin and Yang. But that’s the intention is to be connecting with that mysterious, whatever it may be. The Tao, right? That, uh, is, is actually the source of both. And so there’s peace, there’s a place of peace there. Uh, I just think people who view themselves as being, um, either gender queer or, um, other, you know, all the various genders today, just, you know, enter into these spaces. Please come. First of all, we need you. Um, many of you are people who would, in other times in places be seen as gifted and would be sent to the Shaman, or the Shamaness to enhance and to practice and bring out your unique ability to move between these poles in unique ways and create beautiful expressions of, of, of being through that. Like, like, like we need you, you know, um..

Thal:

And in many ways the deconstructionist narrative, um, or critique is born out of a culture that’s like rigid and, and, and, you know, and limited within language and the Cartesian duality. But you know, when you’re talking about this world, sort of the wisdom traditions and the Taoist, then really the polarity, right away, there is no real polarity. Like you, like you, you know, it’s more paradox and in a way it’s more inviting for different forms of expression. It sounds.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

I’m not sure I understood.

Thal:

Um, so when you were saying that, you know, um, queer folks, please come, right? Like, so that paradigm, that paradigm is not as, it’s not, it’s not the Cartesian duality paradigm.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

What is the, what is not the Cartesian duality?

Thal:

When you were talking about the wisdom traditions, Taoist, it’s, it, it offers, um, a way of being that allows paradox and that allows different forms of expression.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Yes, absolutely. In other words, I don’t see any problem with with openness to all different forms of expression and playfulness. And the opposite, it’s, it’s, it’s part of the, it’s part of the practice to explore out all those things. It really is. And even taking them to extremes at times. Um, it’s the, it’s when it’s, when people are highly invested in a particular way of interpreting and ascribing meaning to these different ways of being and that they’re coming into the space and demanding not that they themselves as people be accepted, but that particular way of thinking about it all, um, which can become quite ideological at times rather militant. So then you come into the practice space with that, it’s inevitably going to create certain tensions and so on. So I would just say come with an open mind, um, and just ground into practice. And then, and then I would love it. Actually, I had a partner at one time was called herself gender queer and, um, you know, I, and she had some critique, you know, a of things that she saw in some of these places. And, um, and I think that, you know, once she raised it and I was like, okay, yeah, I see what you’re saying there. Um, so we need people who are going to come in from, from that, from that side of things already with the fluidity or the, you know, and to, and to genuinely immerse into these practices. Not to worry about the religions around them, the philosophies. The practices of the energy itself. And as you are, you know, doing you connecting with these entities and see what it does, what does it do, how does it affect yourself and not just go in a little bit, do a few weekend workshops and then begin to sound off, right. No, we need people who are going to immerse and become full blown Shamanic witches and whatever you want to call the warlocks and the non-gender version of all of that. We just, we need you to become, we want to magnify your way of being and, and, and, but go all the way because none of us that are really into this as a practice really have patience for anybody’s too much talking that it really, we just don’t, you know, cause once you really get into, you get hooked into the potential of being a truly grounded and sexually flowing. And even that word bothers me. The word sexual, it’s just life energies, life force, energy, you know, plug in and see, and for each individual person it shines a different way. And, and depending who your ancestors were and where you’re coming from or what you’ve been reading and it, the archetypes will, will, will, will awaken in a certain way. And yeah, let’s just dance the dance and not be stuck in language and hung up.

Adrian:

Yeah. I love that. Um, on that note, how do people start this dance? Um, where would you direct them if they specifically um, for whatever reason can’t access or go to one of your workshops, where would you recommend they begin?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Well I’ll tell ya, it’s been a couple of years in this ISTA organization now I just did their level two training. I’m going to be assisting at a level one training in Majorca, Spain in May. I’m very honored to be engaged with that. I’ve met some extraordinary teachers there. Um, as with everything that’s an organization, I’m always testing the ground as I go. Uh, there’s always shadow aspects. There certainly were in the traditional religion that I was involved with. Uh, there certainly are with ISTA. There certainly are with every other thing where we try to make something static in some way. ISTA’s just doing a pretty good job. It seems to me opening up a lot of people and uh, I think it’s a really good entry point. It’s unfortunate that some people can’t afford, it’s a week long immersive training and um, yeah, that’s going to copy you, cost you over thousand dollars. Uh, but it’s full room and board. You know, it’s worth to me if someone has the bug, it’s worth selling, literally sell the walls of your house and go. That’s what I would say. Um, and it also, there’s something called the LEA Fund, which is I think specifically for young people who wish to explore this but don’t have a funding. There’s a LEA Fund. Um, you can look that up. It’s stuff stands for International Schools of Temple Arts. Uh, it’s been an amazing journey for me. You know, I went to the festival, I did level one, level two, um, um, I’m living part time in a community in Israel, which has a lot of people there. And engaged with the organization with sacred sexuality and Tantra and various practices around that. So I say dive in. The ISTA level one training to me is potentially… You have to be ready for it at, uh, so it will involve nudity. It will involve sexual contact, even full sexual contact. Everybody in, in that space is always at choice. And the training that I did, it’s the first full two days was just boundaries and consent and experiential training in boundaries and consent. Um, and then with time you begin to open things up and it’s a kind of an experiment with how can sexual energy exist within a social space. And working with oneself. It’s a kind of an upgraded version of what were the, the aspects, sort of the tantric aspects of the cosmic consciousness stream of the 1960s counterculture. So those people sort of continued on some of them in their practice. Some of them ended up in mountains or in monasteries in Tibet or wherever, uh, you know, others did fried out on psychedelics and um, you know, but, but some of them continued on with these practices and have gone through a few decades now of evolution. And taking account of things like, for example, their sexual exploitation that came out of the free love time where there were a lot of, a lot of people that were, you know, there was, everything was cool and all that, but it really wasn’t so cool. You know, there was a lot of people being taken advantage of and there’s a lot to work through. So the culture has worked some of that through. But in these, in these particular practice spaces in particular, I’m thinking in particular people as well that, you know, they’ve really evolved the thinking and the practice in ways that it’s much more, it’s much more perfected now. I’m saying I’m not perfect, but it’s that you can enter into these spaces and um, there’s a container, you know, there’s a container, a defined space. It’s an intentional space an encounter group type format. Um, and just, yeah, come up against your being. What is it like for you, what comes up for you and taking ownership and all that. That’s a, that’s a huge one. Uh, Universal Healing Tao is the name of the Mantak Chia system. There’s a bunch of different branches and different teachers who have taken it in different directions, but the sort of the mother ship remains Mantak Chia’s Universal Healing Tao system. There are a lot of instructors around, not everywhere has an instructor, but that will, that addresses these themes. Um, David Deida is an extraordinary teacher, very expensive to see him. Uh, his intensives. I don’t even know if he’s actually active now with intensives. I saw he was giving something for men. Um, he’s been sort of semi hiatus. I think. That’s great, it’s a burgeoning field and a, yeah, if you think you’ve start looking, you’ll, you’ll find, but, but I encourage people not, not to, not to just rely on simply reading. Reading is great, but getting into a space with other human beings, with at least one person in the room who understands how to facilitate processes and start to test and explore, experiments. I think that’s the direction.

Adrian:

I think on a, on a closing note, I want to hear what you think is the potential for these practices within the social context. You mentioned about the, um, oncoming AI revolution, robotics surveillance with a sort of technological crisis, if you will. What do you see the role of these practices in that framing?

Yanshuf Kadesh:

So, um, some of your listeners are probably familiar with Terence McKenna, the great prophet of this psilocybin mushrooms. His very fascinating writings. His uses the term archaic revival that we, you know, human beings, we evolved from these primates, lived in small groups and, um, we’ve got this thinking thing going on and we got sort of became our main mode of relating. And, um, a lot of us, the mainstream Western civilization has largely lost touch with our, our indigenous mind, I would call it. Um, indigenous peoples have suffered immensely as a result of that, a result of this sort of looking at nature as if were something outside of nature and um, this tremendous trail of destruction. But there’s also been a tremendous, unbelievable, um, expansion of human wealth and yeah. It’s kind of a long thing, but to sort of, I would say that, uh, we do need an archaic revival. We need to, we need to restore our prehistoric mode of being and we can integrate that with all of our advanced science and technology.

Thal:

Modernity.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Modernity. We can integrate them. It means just like I was saying about myself earlier, the need to sort of back off from this over investment with the, with the, with the wakeful problem solving mind. Um, which seems to be like the only really valued mode with some of these people’s, the remnants at least of these peoples of the earth who have retained their primal, indigenous consciousness. We need to learn from these people. And I …you know, we need to raise up these people and uh, and give them, and learned from them and very careful not to do any further harm. Because we will never be whole if we don’t restore our basic connection with our nature even the nature within ourselves, you know, our sexual forces. Very much in our nature, the strong edge of nature within our own bodies within own being. And connecting also, uh, you know, with others in different ways with that. Um, otherwise what’s happened is we’ve externalized our intelligence and we’ve created machines that are able to exponentially amplify the sort of intelligence functions of the human being and they’re quickly becoming our masters. Algorithms are increasingly, you know, we need to negotiate with them. And they’r presuming to anticipate our needs and we’re being surveilled constantly by machine intelligence. And, uh, I think that there’s, a potential dystopian outcomes from this, I think that we’re seeing in China right now, we’re seeing the dawn of a technological dystopian society, right? These very days. And, we’re on a cusp, it feels. The way things have been will not continue like one way or the other way. And most of us are cyborgs now with the phones. We are cyborgs. We’re not whole without the phone. We don’t feel like we’re truncated, we’re cut off if we’re.. So I think this is the moment, you know, to really, and it does seem to be in the air to reground into, into again or just sort of searching for words, but it’s the earth, you know, it’s the planet earth. The planet earth is a very sexual planet, pulsating with life. And this magnetic, you know, the Schumann resonance and it was a certain frequency is 7.83 resonance, which of course bonds and some way to being in the being an orgasmic state. Uh, it makes a lot of sense. You know, the life energies are life energies and you know, I don’t know that much about the science. I just know through the practice what can be felt and what can be experienced. Uh, so it feels like a time of, um, I feel like there’s a, you know, a lot of people are going to just really kind of get sucked up into this sort of Borg type of, existence. The more everything that the machine is doing for you, you sort of lose the, you lose your sense of direction, you know, you lose your, you’re losing your social. Uh, we’re losing our social ability to read social cues, um, to even gaze into each other’s eyes. Very difficult for many people now, particularly younger generation now to even look at another human being in the face and understand what’s happening with the little cues that go on. And um, you know, uh, autistic disorders are off the charts now. So, um, so it’s really much more to be said I’m quite passionate on some of these topics. It’s a whole, maybe it’s a whole other interview at some point in the future, but I think it’s, I think it’s time to, if we, if we can reground and tap into these energies, which are, it’s not just your particular sexual energy, you’re tapping into something which is much broader as certainly as far, at least as far as the sun, the planet, and also maybe in terms of the cosmos and uh, that if we can do that. I think it gives us a chance to somehow navigate through this unbelievable shift that we’re, we’re, we’re going through. And you know, when people think about terms of the singularity and maybe what’s coming or listen to Yuval Noah Harari, different futurists, what Elon Musk is describing, cautionary, uh, you know, people are in sounding warnings, um, you know, about AI and so on. I feel that to me it feels like these practices are evolutionary practices in essence that the human being bringing consciousness to sexuality and, and sort of taking… I don’t like the word control, but it’s the ability to flow with and to work with these energies. Uh, it feels like at one in the same moment, a restoration of this sort of primal indigenous mind as well as a step forwards in our ability to, the way that we engage with it is, is also qualitatively different now as humans with these modern egos and all that we have, he goes, or it’s a tool of the ego. The modern ego we have is, it could be, it could be, uh, something really alienating and disconnecting. And, but it can also be powerful tools, you know, together with the science and all of the rationality and all the rest of it. So it’s bringing it all together. Now it feels like it’s an evolutionary shift that we need to access all we need full spectrum human beingness so that we can move into this in a grounded way. And we’re going to be fusing with the machines. It seems very clear. We already are actually. And, uh, but we need to have our side of it are embodied human sexual being, pole of this, uh, Cyborg fusion. Uh, we need to hold it up. We need to restore it. We need to, we need to bring that, bring that, bring that all back into the forest so that we don’t become truncated. Um, yeah. And then, uh, that makes me hopeful. And to me in, in terms of my psychological background it feels like psychology has to go through a major reformation, a major reformation. Uh, we have to stop being just too narrow minded and we need to open up to these other forms of knowledge and practice and, and, um, and energy the chi energy, the eastern knowledge. It’s time to open it up. And so that when we’re flying off to the stars, or, you know, our grandchildren maybe, are going to other galaxies, they’ll be whole, you know, they won’t, they won’t just be, um, sort of algorithms or something like that. Anyway.

Adrian:

Yaacov, to be continued.

Yanshuf Kadesh:

Okay.

Thal:

Thank you so much.

Yanshuf Kadesh

Pleasure, honor, Pleasure to be here.

Thal:

Thank you so much.

#18: Life After Ayahuasca with Laura Lockhart

Not why the addiction, but why the pain?

-Dr. Gabor Maté

The work of healing our trauma can be daunting, non-linear and complex. It is a path that conjures in us courage and resilience. On this episode, we have the honour of sharing an inspiring story of healing, transformation and wisdom. From an early age, Laura Lockhart has been struggling with mental health problems that included trauma, depression, panic attacks and multiple suicide attempts. Laura was diagnosed with so many disorders that many psychiatrists refused to take her on as a patient. Just when she thought she had exhausted all of her options, Laura met Dr. Gabor Maté, a world renowned author and trauma specialist. Dr. Maté believes that the mind and body cannot be separated and that disease is often an expression of deeper unresolved emotional stress. In 2014, Laura attended an Ayahuasca retreat with Dr. Maté and for the first time in her life, she was able to begin working with the deeper issues beneath her suffering. We hope you enjoy her story! 

Laura is currently an intern psychotherapist in Toronto. She can be contacted at lauradlockhart@gmail.com

Highlights:

  • Childhood Trauma and Suicidality
  • Ayahuasca Retreat with Dr. Gabor Maté
  • Working with Emotional Pain

 Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcripts

Thal

Welcome Laura to the show.

Laura Lockhart

Thank you for having me.

Thal

Thank you. Um, Laura, you know, I just, I’m very interested in transformative experiences and what that means in our lives. Um, maybe we can start with that. Like what was a transformative experience in your life?

Laura Lockhart

Okay, so a transformative experience in my life. Um, that would have to be my journey with Ayahuasca. So I had been severely depressed and um, panic attacks and a whole gamut of diagnoses from different psychiatrists. Um, doctor after doctor, couldn’t get the help that I needed treatment program after treatment program and I remained this emotionally disregulated, anxious, depressed person that the medical community was telling me that there was no hope. My doctor was like, I don’t know who else to send you to anymore. Um, I’d had psychiatrists see to me that I was so multifaceted that people wouldn’t want to work with me. I’d been told that I was going to be on medication for the rest of my life. So to treat it like I would if I was diabetic and just accept that this is the way it was. Um, and then I found Dr. Gabor Maté through Beyond Addictions Kundalini Yoga program. And I attended his seminar and he spoke about Ayahusca. And though I’d heard about it before it had gone in one ear and right out the other didn’t resonate with me at all. And then when Gabor spoke about it, it really resonated with me. And there was a, uh, knowing that I had to do this and um, because there was about 300 people at the seminar, getting up to him was impossible. I would have had to stand there for well over an hour probably. So I chose to go home and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And so I just opted to send him an email. Either he would get back to me or it would get lost in the millions of emails that he receives. And he responded to me later that night and just invited me to come back and talk to him. And so I did. And then about nine months later I was at his retreat. And, that was five years ago now. And I have not been on medication since. And although I still experience depression and anxiety, in no way, shape or form, is it anywhere near what it was.

Adrian

I’m curious what, what was in the email that you feel like really resonated with Gabor to respond to you?

Laura Lockhart

Um, it probably wasn’t the email. What had happened was during his seminar, it was his addiction seminar. So his Beyond his in the Realm of Hungry Ghosts seminar. And I wrote, I raised my hand and I told him, I said, I’m addicted to try and kill myself, which was true because that was the way that I had learned to cope with my pain started when I was about 14. Um, and there had been multiple attempts throughout my life and at the time I was meeting Gabor I was 38, so we were in my, in double digits by that point in time. Um, and he basically, he was very gentle with me and he asked if he could touch me and he’s like, what’s this feel like? And he just touched me very, very lightly. I was like, that’s hot. Like it feels, he said, yes, you’re a highly sensitive person and things impact you on a very deep level. And just that his invitation to me if I was willing to accept it, was to learn to suffer. So in other words, learn to feel my pain and learn to be with it as opposed to trying to escape it, which is what I was trying to do. Um, so I think it was that conversation that resonated with him. And then when I emailed him I said, I don’t know if you’re going to remember me, who wouldn’t remember that, but, okay. Um, and I just basically said that you had spoken about Ayahusca, but you spoke about it in regards to addiction. I didn’t consider myself somebody with a formal addiction because I don’t do drugs. Don’t do, I mean I’ll have a beer, but I’m not a drinker. Um, so I didn’t know if it was appropriate for me or if it was strictly for addiction. And, um, I just let them know that, you know, I had done so much in the medical system and I just didn’t feel I was getting anywhere. And he wrote back probably within hours and just said that he’d been thinking about me. So I think that that seed was planted in the seminar.

Adrian

Wow. Yeah. We’d love to go into the Ayahusca experience, but I think maybe if we can backtrack and hear about your life leading up to the, the invitation give you, if you can describe to us a little bit about the background perhaps growing up and, and what it was like as your pre-Ayahusca experience.

Laura Lockhart

Okay. So growing up I was the second child, um, six years apart, two very stressed out parents. My dad was a police officer, my mom was home with the children. Um, so dad’s working 12, 14, 16 hour days. Mom’s trying to raise a six year old and pregnant with me. There’s stress in the family. Um, and by the time I come around, I am what they described as an inconsolable infant. Um, what I’ve learned is, is that it was because nobody was attuned to me, so they couldn’t console me because they couldn’t attune to me because they were so stressed out. Um, it’s not about bad parenting.

Thal

They were not attuned to themselves.

Laura Lockhart

Right. Yeah. Um, so in that, I think what would also happen is because you have this screaming baby that’s heightening your stress and then you leave the baby. Like, I can’t do this anymore and you kind of leave the baby. Um, so there’s abandonment for me, lack of attunement, unintentional neglect, um, and some physical abuse. So I would get, I would, I was hit. Um, and then because my sister is six years older, she resents me. I’m causing all this problem in the family. So I’m the target of a great deal of resentment. Um, so growing up in that, I could see like the looking back, I can see the mis-attunement in my parents. By all means. I had, I had a good home. I was well clothed. I was well fed. Um, I was never left alone alone, but dad was down doing his artwork, mom was up reading the newspaper, I was alone. Um, and it, it goes throughout my whole family too. I see it in my whole family and I think it’s intergenerational. So, um, I have, I have memories of, um, parents flying into a rage and striking me. Um, and then as I get older, I’m unable, I’m less and less able to cope. Um, it’s, I see, I see relational issues starting at a very young age where probably, I can probably, the earliest I can trace it to is like six or eight where I can’t wait until it’s 10 o’clock in the morning, which is an appropriate time to make a phone call so that I can phone my friend because I’m so desperate for connection and so desperate to just be with somebody. And what does that cause on the other end? She’s needy. She’s, like clingy. Um, so people don’t like that and they disconnect from me. It’s too much for people. Um, so a lot of relational issues. Um, then get into middle school, high school and it’s just, uh, a hot house of loneliness, depression, anxiety. I wouldn’t go to school if I didn’t know.. If I didn’t have somebody to eat lunch with, um, because that loneliness was so deeply painful. Also experienced a lot of stomach upset, a lot of, um, intestinal issues. And my parents would take me to doctor after doctor after doctor. Nobody could find anything wrong. Okay. Well, finally one doctor says it’s stress. I think she’s stressed out. It’s the 70s who wants to believe that their infant is stressed out. We don’t have all this information yet. Um, so, um, by the time I get to high school, I’m so paralyzed with anxiety that the stomach upset is a daily thing. I’m missing 35 days in a semester. At one point in time they had asked me to leave school because what’s the point? Um, I didn’t end up leaving school. Fortunately for me, I became very physically ill at the school and was vomiting. So they saw that it was real. Um, like I wasn’t just some lackey, so they didn’t end up kicking me out of school. But I certainly didn’t get the education that I needed. Um, and nobody at the school was attuned to me. Like nobody stopped and said, why is this young woman who is clearly very bright and very articulate, not doing, not performing? Why is she missing so much school? Why is she isolated? Because I wasn’t a problem maker. I was that quiet child that never caused any trouble. I was very polite, very soft spoken, well spoken, so I wasn’t the “problem child”. So I get missed just okay, not performing up to her capabilities and passed onto the next one. Um, at that point in time, I didn’t know I had mental illness. I didn’t even know what mental illness was at the time. Um, there were times where my family physician had tried to put me on medication for depression, but telling me that it would help my stomach issues. Um, then at 16, so my first, my first suicide attempt was at 14, but I didn’t know how to do it. So I took like 10 Tylenol and it had no effect. Couldn’t figure out why it didn’t work, but it didn’t work. Um, and then at 16 was the, the, the Big One. And, um, my parents rushed me to the hospital, so small town, my dad drove me to the hospital. They had to call ahead to make sure the doctor was going to be there. They pumped my stomach, um, and admitted me overnight, but then released me the next day with no follow-up. Nothing.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Adrian

At this point I want to ask, because you mentioned your parents were, so dis-attuned to you. Was this the first time for them too, as a wake up call or were they sort of, you know, noticing that you weren’t well before that?

Laura Lockhart

Um, I think they were noticing I wasn’t well, but for them it was that I was just being difficult. So my not getting out of bed for them was just me being stubborn. Maybe asking for attention. Yeah, yeah. Me being a problem teenager. So the way they dealt with it was to try and force me out of bed, yell at me, get out of bed, um, force me to go to school. Yeah. It wasn’t, it wasn’t treated as maybe we should look at what this, what’s causing this.

Thal

And nothing at the school, like no counseling. No… Wow.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. None.

Adrian

And so after that, the Big One, you were sent back home after one day… What was it like, like coming back, realizing it didn’t work? Or you know, what was going on in your mind at the time?

Laura Lockhart

Um, for me that it was life. Um, what was going on for me was a lot of shame because there were friends that had been there that night, so there was a lot of shame and embarrassment and, um, my dad talked to, uh, the one friend that was there for the whole thing and just ask that it be kept confidential. Um, but other than that, nobody spoke to me about it. My friends didn’t speak to me about it. I didn’t speak to my friends about it. We just went on like nothing had happened.

Thal

Yeah. It’s like the shame was experienced on multiple levels. It’s like you’re experiencing shame. Your parents are probably experiencing it, your friends as well. And it’s like nobody’s talking about it. It’s like, as you said, it’s like misattunement on so many levels.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah. So, um, life just carried on as per usual. And um, by the end of my first year of college, that’s when I started to realize, realize that there was something wrong. Um, that’s when the panic attacks started. So that hyperventilating, the shaking, the crying, the, um, the, the cold sweats of full blown panic attack to the point where it would last for hours. And I remember going to my mother’s and she, she brought me into her bad to like stay the night with her and at some point in time she realized that maybe she should take me to the hospital because that’s how bad it was. Um, so she took me to emergency, they put you in a separate room. Um, and the doctor came in and he was a very kind man. Um, but the first thing he did was prescribe, um, a bunch of medication and then sent me to a psychiatric outpatient program the next day. Um, and when I went to that, um, I went alone and I saw a social worker and she did my intake and assessment and then, um, she brought in the psychiatrist and he didn’t ask me many questions at all. Um, but together they decided that I was bipolar and put me on lithium and a bunch of other medications. And the lithium made me crazy person. Like I was a walking Zombie, but I had tremors all the time and every time I went back and I was telling them that, you know, my symptoms are getting worse, they’re not getting better or they’d would just up the medication. I’ve since had multiple doctors say, there’s, you’re not bipolar. There is like, I don’t even, I don’t have any symptoms of mania.

Thal

Yeah I was about to say like, it doesn’t sound like there was any manic episodes during your childhood or during your struggles.

Laura Lockhart

No, but I’ve since seen the report that they sent my doctor and in it she writes that, um, that my mother reports a year long manic episode when I was 11. She didn’t speak to my mother. I was there alone. And then she also reported that I reported a year long manic episode, my first year of college. That isn’t what I said. What I said was that I felt good about myself my first year of college because I was getting straight A’s and it was the first time in my life.

Thal

And so that was manic?

Laura Lockhart

That was my mania.

Adrian

You’re too happy.

Laura Lockhart

I was too happy. Yeah. I enjoyed those days a little too much.

Thal

You loved yourself a little bit too much.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. But I think she also factored in like a shopping addiction. And um, at the time I didn’t know that euphoria meant manic. I just thought it meant felt good. So when she asked me if I ever felt euphoric, I, I think that was the sticking point is that I said yes. You know, my first year of college I felt really good that I was getting straight A’s.

Thal

It’s in the wording.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, um, I hadn’t studied psychology yet. I didn’t know the connection. Um, so they just kept upping the medication, upping the medication. And I’m becoming more and more zombified. Um, I’m a mess at work. Work is starting to notice. Um, people are pulling me aside and saying, Laura, like something’s changed. This is not, you look at your writing, it’s like, this isn’t you. Something’s wrong. That was a catalyst to another suicide attempt. But this time I had a bunch of psychiatric medications to use. And I was rushed to emergency, um, where they didn’t, they didn’t pump my stomach. Now they just let you drink the charcoal, which is gross but better. Um, so they admitted me overnight into a psychiatric unit, um, which I fought tooth and nail, didn’t want to be on a psychiatric unit. They take away everything. They take away all your personal goods. Um, you’re in with other people. It’s just not a comfortable place to be when you’re feeling terrible. So at one point in time, I think I stayed two nights. Um, cause yeah, cause it happened on a weekend. So I had to stay Saturday night and Sunday night because the psychiatrist wasn’t in until Monday. So on the second night, a nurse pulled me aside on the ward and she said to me, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I don’t think you’re bipolar and I don’t think you should be on all this medication, especially the high dosages that you’re on, especially at your age. I was 21.

Thal

Wow. So how many years since the first diagnosis?

Laura Lockhart

That was, that was probably like… it probably wasn’t even a full year since that first diagnosis. So I was still on the lithium and everything. Um, I can’t even remember what she looks like, but thank goodness she came into my life. So she told mw you’re over 18, you can refuse your medication. I don’t recommend you refuse it all. I suggest you go with half tonight. And then we’ll wean you from there. So that’s what I did. I immediately found a new psychiatrist who did all the testing. No, I’m not bipolar. However, it was still just more drugs, more drugs, more drugs, more drugs. Yeah. So that continued for the next 20-23 years.

Thal

Wow. Okay.

Laura Lockhart

So yeah. Okay.

Adrian

Yeah. At this point, it sounds like there’s awareness and even like a desire to get better, like, because you were seeking help so that wasn’t there early in your life. Um, what did you try? So in those 20 years, I imagine you must have tried many things, tried different modalities or techniques. What were some of the stuff that you were trying?

Laura Lockhart

Um, there was always a strong urge to get better. I was always jealous. Like I remember being in grade two or grade three and finding out that one of the kids at school saw a therapist and I was immensely jealous, but I never had the nerve to ask my parents. Um, I never thought they’d, they’d let me for some reason. I don’t know why. Um, and so when I finally started seeking help, um, I went the route that I knew. So I went the medical route. I went to my doctor who sent me to a psychiatrist. Um, I tried, so I tried many different, um, I tried CBT, DBT. Um, I did two inpatient programs, one through a psychiatric out in Oshawa and then one out in Guelph. Um, both inpatient one was eight weeks and one was 12 weeks where I lived there the entire time. Several different outpatient programs through the hospital. I tried a suicide program through a day program through a hospital. Yeah. I was seeing a psychotherapist, but probably I hadn’t tapped into any of the psychotherapy modalities, um, just all that, all the psychiatric stuff. And it wasn’t working for me. Um, yeah. But I knew there was something in me that could not accept that this was going to be my life, that I was not meant to be more than what I was at the time, which was a mess.

Thal

And, um, and so then you met Gabor?

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Thal

Okay. And what changed?

Laura Lockhart

Um, so in order to go to the retreat, I had to come off all my medication, um, which he cautioned me about. He did say, now, based on your history of suicide, you really want to have a discussion with your doctor about it, um, because you can’t do Ayahuasca on these meds. So my doctor was very open to it and very supportive. Um, he didn’t necessarily believe in Ayahusca. Um, but he was more inclined to let me go to a warm country where it would be sunny where I’d be in therapy circles. Um, so he was very open and he gave me a weaning schedule and I came off my meds.

Thal

And that’s amazing because you’ve just been doing the sort of mainstream psychotherapy modalities and the medical, um, circles. And so, and then you went from that to right away Ayahuasca.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, it was a true calling. Like it was like I, I had to get there. Financially I didn’t know how I was going to do it. Um, my mother didn’t like the idea. She didn’t, A psychedelic in a strange country with a doctor, didn’t sound reputable to her. My dad was actually very supportive and said, what have you got to lose? And it was actually, um, they’re divorced now, but the two of them came up with the funds to help me get there. Um, so that’s how I got there.

Adrian

Could you describe the program a little bit and when we’re perhaps even your experience flying in, what was that journey like? I mean, it must’ve been… that alone, probably we could dive into an entire episode, I imagine.

Thal

Yeah like, you know, your inner feelings.

Laura Lockhart

Um, so I was scared. I was thinking, what am I doing? Am I a crazy person. So I didn’t follow the weaning schedule that my doctor gave me. I decided that, oh, I’ve missed these medications before many a times, you know, when you couldn’t get to the drug store or whatever. Oh yeah, I’m good. I don’t need to wean. And I went cold Turkey. Never do that. So I ended up violently ill for many weeks. Um, I landed in the hospital twice for IV because like for IV fluids, because I was so violently ill, they had to put me on a drug that they give chemo patients for the nausea. And at the time I’m not putting two and two together because it’s been a couple of weeks since I’d come off the medication. So I’m not telling them, oh, I’ve come off all this medication. I’m just telling them I’m not on any medications, so they’re not able, because I’m not giving them the pieces. They’re not able to put the pieces together. Um, so having been violently ill for several weeks, the thought of going into the jungle and vomiting was not appealing. It’s like, no, I’ve done that. Thank you. Um, and I was going alone with people I didn’t know I’d never met them. Um, I had only really talked to Gabor twice, so I didn’t even know him at the time. Um, I knew I knew about his, um, his episode on the Nature of Things with Dr. David Suzuki, A Jungle Prescription. So I had watched that, but I didn’t even delve into the research on Ayahusca or get to know much about it because the more I learned, the more nervous I became. So in order to do it, I had to like not investigate it. I had to just go blind.

Adrian

A leap of faith.

Laura Lockhart

Leap of faith. Um, the journey, the journey was chaotic. Um, so I left Toronto. They had to de-ice the plane, uh, because of the, when the plane was late getting to my connection, um, I might’ve missed the, the connecting flight. I meeting people on the connecting flight that are going to the same retreat so that we can travel in the other country together. So at least I don’t have to travel in a strange country completely alone, but I might miss my connection. So we land at the exact same time that my connecting flight is supposed to be taking off. And the flight attendant tells me they’re not holding the plane. They’ve already started booking the hotel rooms. So now I’m starting to like, okay. So I connect with one of the women that I’m supposed to meet. She’s already on the other plane. She’s asking them, uh, she can’t get any information. I get off my plane feeling somewhat defeated and um, somebody turns to me and says they’re holding the flight. Run! So I book it.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

And I’m not very fast. [Laughing]

Adrian

In slow motion.

Laura Lockhart

I slow motion book it. And I’m rounding the corner in the terminal only to learn that I have to get on one of those trains to take you to another terminal, which you know, just like this is not booking it in any way, shape or form. But I’m booking it. The second I land my butt in that seat, the plane takes off. Like there is no time. It’s like land take off. So I made my flight, my luggage did not.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

So I land in this very tropical country in very humid weather in my jeans and sweatshirt because I’ve come from Toronto where it’s snowing and my luggage hasn’t made it. Then we have to take a water taxi to the actual location that we’re going in. Getting off the water taxi, I fall into the ocean in my jeans and sweatshirt with nothing to change into.

Adrian

Welcome! [laughing]

Laura Lockhart

Welcome. Welcome to your Ayahuasca journey. Um, my luggage doesn’t come till the next day. It comes the next day. Thank goodness I didn’t have to wait a couple of days. Um, but I arrive at this Ayahuasca retreat center, which is very remote. Um, I remember walking the dirt path with donkey poop and having to take your shoes off and like crossing a river. And I just start to cry. I’m like, what am I doing? What have I come for? I want to go home and I want to go home now. Thank goodness the people at the retreat are very kind and very loving souls and they find me raggedy clothing to wear so that I can get out of my wet jeans. And uh, the woman I actually bunk with was able to provide me some clothing so that I could, you know, be comfortable. Um, but at this point in time I’m thinking, what have I done? Like I’ve left my comfort, my home, my friends, my family, everything to come here to this strange place that’s… And it was the most life changing experience I’ve had.

Thal

Amazing. Yeah.

Adrian

For people who might not be familiar with the Ayahuasca tradition, the plant medicine, could you share a little bit of background?

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. It’s not for everyone, but for those that are feeling the call, it can be helpful. I also didn’t just do Ayahuasca. I returned from my Ayahuasca journey and went into intense therapy.

Thal

So maybe we can, yeah. Integration.

Laura Lockhart

So, um, so what was the question again?

Thal

Um, so for our listeners who don’t know, what Ayahuasca is, can you, can you say about it?

Laura Lockhart

So it’s a plant medicine that’s been used in the Amazon for centuries for healing. Traditionally, just the Shaman would drink it and then work on the, the people, but it’s transitioned somehow that now the people and the Shaman drink it. Um, I had ensured that I was doing it in a very safe space because there are unreputable Ayahuasca retreats out there. There are unsafe Ayahuasca retreats out there. I made sure that I was going to a very reputable and very safe place to do this. It is a psychedelic, um, so you are vulnerable. Um, I did it. The lineage that I worked in, um, my Shaman works in is the Shipibo lineage and ceremony was kept very traditional. Um, the chants aren’t just, so it’s a whole ceremony. It’s a six hour ceremony. It’s done with intention. Um, every chant that comes out of their mouth is done for a specific reason to help move the energy to help in the healing process. It’s not a random, these people are highly skilled and know what they’re doing. Um, what else can I say?

Thal

How many, like how many times did you drink it, if you want to go into that?

Laura Lockhart

So my first retreat, which was highly transformative for me was three ceremonies. However, the difference between my retreat and a lot of other retreats, um, is that I had processing with Dr. Gabor Maté. So there were 25 or 26 participants and every day for hours on end, we would sit in a circle and process. And when one person works, everybody in the circle works. Yeah. That’s how powerful the circle is. Um, so there were nights where it had gotten dark and we had to do processing by flashlight because that’s how long we had been sitting in the circle. So from right after breakfast until bedtime, we were in that circle with the exception of a few breaks here and there for lunch and dinner. Um, a very regimented diet. Um, you can only eat specific foods. Um, in respect for the plant. Um, the way that’s been described to me is that you wouldn’t pour salt and sugar on your garden. So in respect for the plant, you treat your body with that same respect. Um, ceremonies were six hours long done at night in the dark. Um, very powerful, very painful. Um, some very difficult moments. Some times I didn’t think I was going to make it through to the other side. Um, and so very grateful when I did and the difference even after just the three ceremonies. The small things, very small things, which are actually big things. Um, for example, my dentist had been trying to get me to floss for 40 some years. Well now I was 38 at the time, so probably like 30 some years. And I came back from my Ayahuasca journey and I just started flossing every day. Like why? I don’t know. But I did. Um, things like I started wearing makeup again, um, because I had gone into such a depression where all I did was just wear sweatpants and didn’t do my hair. I didn’t do anything. I just throw on my sweats and left and I started taking care of myself again. Um, there’s still some self care that needs to come into place. I’ve still got some difficulty in that area, but, uh, immensely different. Um, but like I said, I didn’t just do ceremony and come home and go back to life as it was. I did ceremony and came home and the first thing I did was the Landmark Forum, um, which was also very powerful. Um, there some complications with it and the sales pitch, but the material itself I found very powerful. Um, and then following that I went into a trauma treatment center. Um, so not a western medicine, a holistic trauma treatment center. Unfortunately no longer exists, um, where I was there for four or five sessions a week for quite some time, um, where I had different modalities. So I had psychotherapy, I had massage, I had acupuncture. Um, where it wasn’t just like, okay, let’s look at your thoughts. Let’s look at the energy in your body. Let’s look at where you’re carrying things. Let’s look at where you’re holding this trauma. Um, yeah.

Thal

And, and so you were open to trying all these things after Ayahuasca like, it’s, it truly is a transformation considering that prior to Ayahuasca, it was, you know, mainstream, nothing holistic. And now it’s like there’s this openness.

Laura Lockhart

Some of the difficulty prior to the Ayahuasca journey was that I didn’t have the funds to try the holistic modalities, which I was starting to feel drawn to. I didn’t quite know that I believed in it yet. Um, but now I’m a firm believer.

Thal

Wait, no, that’s a good point too. Right? That the funds for the, like the fact that it is expensive. Yeah. Like some people are turned away because of the not having funds.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, um, I had looked into psychotherapists before, but I simply couldn’t afford it. Um, and I had, I also have fibromyalgia, so I had explored, um, just about everything I could at that point in time with regards to fibromyalgia. And what I was really getting was that I needed massage and I needed acupuncture and I needed things that I just couldn’t afford.

Thal

Which would make sense if it’s OHIP covered. But that’s a different conversation.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, we could have a whole other episode.

Adrian

I wanted to go back, you mentioned the intensive integration circles, the processing with Gabor, for like entire day. What does that look like? What is processing? And because you had experience of psychotherapy, it’d be nice if you can maybe draw comparisons of the Ayahuasca experience to what traditional psychotherapy sessions are like, how are they different?

Laura Lockhart

Okay. Um, so, okay. But when you come out of an Ayahuasca ceremony, because it’s a psychedelic, there’s a lot of funky things that have happened in the night and it’s very easy to get lost in the, the visions and the experience and forget that there is very pertinent messages in those visions.

Thal

Um, especially when they’re negative and you know, they take you back to the specific experiences in childhood or whatever.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, um, what that looked like was often Gabor interrupting us and stopping the story. Um, and bring us back to our bodies and bringing us back to the emotion. Okay. So what was the emotion when you were seeing that? What were you experiencing in that time? And essentially bringing us back to the emotion that that whole experience was inviting us to feel, which would have been repressed at the time of the trauma. So it may have looked like somebody re-experiencing their trauma in the ceremony or it may have looked like something completely different that just brought up the same emotional state. But there was a lot of, you know, anger and fear and shame that people were given a safe place to go into and feel the things that they’d repressed in their bodies.

Thal

So he, so he was engaged during the ceremony as well? Like, or this is after the ceremony?

Laura Lockhart

This is after the ceremony. Yeah. So, um, after ceremony we all go to bed. It’s like three, four in the morning. Um, and then we wake up the next day and that’s when we do the processing. So each person speaks. So all 25 or 26 of us speak to our experience the night before.

Thal

Just speaking about the ceremony itself because there are two different perspectives, like some people see it as, so this is the contents of my psyche that are amplified during the ceremony or some people see it as this is the medicine, you know, teaching us and um, giving me stuff that I need at that moment. And maybe it’s combination of both. Um, I don’t know, but it’s just something that, you know, I was thinking about.

Adrian

What do you think it is? In terms of your experience.

Laura Lockhart

In terms of my experience, I would say it’s both. So it would show me things that my psyche was doing. Um, so I would often get stuck in and it was excruciatingly painful and this is my life, but where I would have the same three sentences repeat over and over and over and over and over, over and it was intense and it was rapid and I couldn’t stop it. That’s my rumination. That’s my negative self talk, rumination. And it was on full blast. Like it was intense. There were times where I thought I was going crazy. Um, it also showed me my anger and unfortunately at the time I wasn’t ready and I repressed it within ceremony. So I had this vision that came up and it was like black silhouettes and then flashes of red, like a very violent red. And I had no idea what it meant. And then I spent the next six hours in shear excruciating sub- humanlike pain that I’d never experienced before. And I was calling for them to get me charcoal because I wanted this medicine out of my system. Um, and unfortunately that got miscommunicated in the ceremony and they thought I was asking for tobacco. Um, but it was Gabor the next day that said that I didn’t want to do the work. He said that was you wanting somebody else to do the work for you. Very much my experience in life.

Thal

Wow.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Um, yeah. So, and it wasn’t until my seventh ceremony that that lesson came back to me and I got, I very much got that I was resisting my anger and that’s why my pain came up and that the more that I resist feeling what I needed to feel, the more I was going to experience my pain.

Thal

And, and so then your pain or your anger was strong enough or your resisting mechanism was strong enough that it was still overriding the ma, the medicine basically.

Laura Lockhart

Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh yeah. It was a, and they kept telling me not to resist. Like that was, I mean, what else can you tell somebody? There is nothing else to tell somebody other than stop resisting and they’re telling me in a very gentle way. Um, but I was annoyed. I was like, what do you mean stop resisting? Like how do I stop resisting? I don’t know how to stop resisting. What am I? So I thought that I was resisting the pain, so I would lay there in ceremony and try and like breathe and like, okay, allow the pain, allow the pain, allow the pain. Well, no, I had to allow the anger and that’s what I wasn’t allowing. And I had no idea. I had no idea.

Thal

I mean, I definitely relate. They’re like, you know, when someone tells the old just like, go or stop resisting and like, what do you mean? Yeah. You’re like holding, holding on tight with your body.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah. But at no point in time, in any of my previous therapy had anybody addressed the fact that I wasn’t allowing my anger. I had no idea it was new found information to me that, oh, you mean I have to feel this? Yeah.

Thal

And so then the processing with Gabor helped you deepen that.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. So, yeah. So the next morning I had no idea it was anger even. When I told him about the vision and then I had no idea what it meant, he’s like, that sounds like anger. And I did the classic repression and denial and like dismissive. No, I wasn’t that angry as a child because, you know, we all had happy childhoods. Um, and he said he, he may have said, bullshit. I can’t remember exactly, but basically he said, that’s not true. Um, and he said, you can’t tell me. He said, how did you feel when your mother was hitting you? And that’s when it occurred to me that I had a murderous rage in me and that I was suppressing that. Not that you go out and murder people.

Thal

No, absolutely.

Laura Lockhart

But that you kept in touch with, with that so that it’s not stuck in you anymore. The feeling that you felt as a child and you were not able to express or..

Adrian

This first experience you had it sounded like a lot came up, a lot of insights, perhaps experiences. What did you do with all that new stuff? Coming back from that trip? You mentioned you started flossing, there were some behavior changes. What else could you add in terms of the experience re-entering back to your life?

Laura Lockhart

I really just had to learn to learn, to feel what I hadn’t been feeling and that took a lot, a lot of work. Um, it sounds so simple and really it is, but it’s so complicated. Um, I remember laying on the table with the act, my acupuncturist, and he was, and I could feel the mechanism happen where it’s like I was feeling it, feeling it, feeling, and then I was like, oh, I’ve just repressed it. I don’t have control over that, but I was doing it. And so bringing that awareness into my, into my body, not just into my logic but into my body was very important and that took a lot of work and a lot of safety. I needed a lot of safety and..

Thal

And trusting yourself.

Laura Lockhart

Trusting myself, trusting those around me that they might be giving me some difficulty information, but they’re doing it from a very loving place. Yeah.

Adrian

How did your relationship with Gabor continued to evolve after the first ceremony?

Laura Lockhart

Um, he really became a mentor. Um, he doesn’t like the word therapist. Um, but he became a, I don’t even have the words for it. Um, he just became like the catalyst for my seeing what I needed to see, which I wasn’t seeing. And there were times where he wouldn’t talk to me unless I had gone and felt what I was feeling. So he would say, you’ve asked for help, I will help you. But what I want you to do first is to identify the emotion, sit with it, allow it, have compassion for it, hold it and then we’ll talk. Which was frustrating but important because my way of not being with emotion was to reach out for help.

Thal

How did that look like? Did you have like a specific practice that you were doing or just…?

Laura Lockhart

Um, I didn’t know I was, I was winging it. Um, they don’t tell you how to feel your emotion. They just tell you that you have to feel it.

Adrian

Go look it up.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, go, go look it up.

Thal

Cause I do that too. That’s why I’m asking you. I’m like, how do I feel this? I just Google it. [laughing]

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Um, yeah, so I didn’t know. I was really just winging it and um, what it would look like for me was to just sit quietly and be with whatever was there. Um, and in actual fact, I got a lot of training in my therapy on how to do that, which was like identifying the sensation in the body, allowing the sensation to be there. Um, even inviting it to get bigger, a lot of meditation around, around my pain. So instead of trying to suppress my pain, trying to numb my pain, inviting it, welcoming it, and letting it be there and learning that it was, it was actually a lesson that I had been trying to numb for decades.

Adrian

You mentioned landmark forum as one of the things that seem to kind of immediately proceed the, your experience. Uh, what did you get out of that, that training?

Laura Lockhart

That I was creating a lot of my own suffering and I was doing it with the, the, the, the story in my head, the, the dialogue that was going on in my brain. Projecting a lot of my own stuff onto people. Um, making meaning out of things that didn’t mean anything. Um, and living my life as though what I believed about myself was true when in no shape or form was it?

Thal

Yeah. That it’s like static and rigid, that it does not change that, you know, oftentimes we see ourselves and our personalities as these things that I’m this or I’m that.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. And that in order to, in order to excel in life at whatever it was that I wanted to do, that I had to step out of the fear and that I had to act anyways. And that really showed up in a lot of my, um, my therapy because like I said, I couldn’t afford this therapy. So I had to find ways to get it, and that meant showing up and just trusting the process that I was in the right space and that if it was meant to happen, it was going to happen. And if it didn’t, then it wasn’t the right, the right path for me. Um, it also showed up in school. I couldn’t afford school. I, I hadn’t worked in years. Um, and, but as long as I stayed, stuck in the story of I can’t afford this, I was never going to do it. So I stayed stuck in that for many years. Um, and then I really, that teaching really stuck with me that like, just make it happen. Don’t, you may not know how you’re going to make it happen, but just make it happen. And so that’s what I did is that I applied to the school with no idea of how I was going to pay for it. And I even got the first bill. Please deposit this amount of money by such and such a date and still had no idea how I was going to pay for it. But I, I took the risk and I threw my hat over the wall cause I had to go get my hat then. And just, um, if, if I wanted it bad enough, it was going to happen and that I would work extra hard to make it happen.

Thal

And so, okay. So when will come in and you, you did the first retreat and then landmark and then you went again and did another retreat?

Laura Lockhart

So, um, yeah, so the first retreat, landmark, um a Trauma Treatment Center in Toronto. Um, and then another retreat and then.

Thal

How was it different then from the first one? How is it different than going back to the plants again?

Laura Lockhart

Um it was, it was different in that I was different. Um, the resistance was still there, but it wasn’t as strong and it wasn’t as potent. Um, so I was able to allow a lot more than I had the first time. Um, which meant I got a lot more out of each ceremony because I was allowed, I allowed the medicine to work more than I had prior.

Thal

You let go.

Laura Lockhart

I let go in some, in some cases. Um, there were times where, um, I was in excruciating pain again, um, both emotional and physical. And I remember the helper on the retreat telling me, you know, ask the plant to teach you in a gentler way. And I did. And it amplified. Um, so that was the lesson that I needed at that point in time for whatever reason. Um, yeah. So after that second retreat, um, I went to another retreat that wasn’t a medicine retreat. Um, but it was all about like the ego constructs that we live in. And, um, and I spent a month at this retreat, I’m learning to let go of the beliefs and projections and things that I put on myself and other people and then back to Toronto for more therapy. And then, um, so school came about two and a half years on the journey.

Adrian

This is training to become a psychotherapist?

Laura Lockhart

Yes.

Adrian

What, what inspired you to make that decision to become a therapist for others?

Laura Lockhart

Um, I had always wanted to be, um, I remember probably when I first started at universities that was my goal. It was that I wanted to become a psychologist, a PhD psychologist, and have my own private practice. Um, thank goodness that didn’t happen because I wouldn’t have known how to help anybody at the time. Um, but because my mental health derailed, I was able to get my undergrad, but there was no way I was going to be able to do a Masters or a PhD. I mean, I couldn’t even function hardly at all. Um, so it was really a dying dream. Um, and then it wasn’t until I met, um, the psychologist at the Trauma Treatment Center, Jesse Hanson, and he was the one that suggested to me, well, there’s other routes. Um, how about have you looked into psychotherapy training because that might be more up your alley, um, where you have to do your own work in order to learn to become a psychotherapist. And that really appealed to me, but again, I was stuck with the, that construct if I can’t afford it. So couldn’t make it happen. And it wasn’t until about two years later that it finally clicked in that I’m not going to make it happen if I just stay stuck in this story of I can’t afford it. Yeah.

Adrian

So, so what, what happened the last minute you said you didn’t have the funds and the due date was coming?

Laura Lockhart

Yeah, I had an anonymous donor. Um, I still don’t know who, um, they approached Jesse at the, the Trauma Treatment Center and decided to donate the money, but they did that based on what they were seeing in me, in my growth.

Thal

That’s amazing. So yeah, it’s amazing. Then what happens when we drop the stories that are not serving us.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. And when we’re on our right path.

Thal

Absolutely.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Thal

Soul path.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. I mean it’s, it’s, it’s such an inspiring story. I imagine you hear that often when you, when you share with others, but at the same time, I’m careful not to paint overly, you know, a rosy picture because this is reality. I want to ask you, what are some challenges you still face today on the path of healing?

Laura Lockhart

Um, so I still, I still struggle with relational difficulties. Um, I still isolate a lot. Um, I still struggle with self care around food. I still have a tendency to binge eat and binge eat junk food. Um, getting my eating under control has been very difficult. Um, I still struggle with my body. Um, so I still have a weight issue. Um, I still have difficulty, um, getting into my body in movement, any kind of movement is still very, very difficult and very painful for me. So yeah, it really does. Like hearing me speak really sounds like I’ve turned the other page and everything’s glowing, but it’s not. Um, but it is immensely different than what it was. So I no longer trying to kill myself. I’m no longer, um, the thoughts still come up, but I no longer attach to them. Um, so now I know that I don’t want to do that. Um, before I used to think that I really truly wanted to die, but now I just, the thought will come up and I just think, and I don’t want to do that. Like I respect myself now.

Thal

So it’s this, you know, very deep level of self compassion that you’ve accessed through healing.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah.

Thal

And it’s important then to understand that healing is not a rosy path, but it’s one worth taking. And you know, I’m also touched by your story and it’s, you know, it requires a lot of courage.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. And healing isn’t linear. Like as long as I heal, I will still go back into those old patterns every once in a while and expand and contract and then, but my contractions get a lot smaller. And my expansion, it’s got a lot bigger and I mean I’m able to function.

Adrian

Laura what’s your vision for, for your, I mean one, one the one hand for the future of psychotherapy but, but also at a personal level for yourself?

Laura Lockhart

So my vision for, um, psychotherapy is that more of the people start to recognize these alternatives. Um, and psychedelics obviously in safe places with proper assistance, um, that we really open up to just new ways of doing old ways of doing things that are becoming new again.

Thal

Yeah. Thanks for mentioning that.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Um, yeah. And for myself, my vision is to, um, work with people that are me. That are very much like me. Um, yeah. People that have tried everything are determined to get better, won’t stop at anything to get better because that was me. I was going to knock on every door in the city.

Thal

And I think one of the really important things to understand is someone listening to this and struggling through the same issues feel like they’re the only ones going through that at that moment. And it’s just knowing that that’s not true is helpful too.

Laura Lockhart

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It’s not true. Um, there’s so many people out there like, yeah. So, yeah.

Adrian

Thank you so much, Laura. What an incredible story and thank you. I also want to mention for people that might be interested in reaching out, um, personally, uh, they can, they can contact us on the podcast and we can definitely direct them to you. Yeah. And there might be some inkling to reach out to Gabor as as well, but he doesn’t take client s and he’s not doing his retreats anymore, so, yeah.

Thal

Thank you. Thank you, Laura, for sharing your story with us today.

Laura Lockhart

Thank you.

#16: Depth Hypnosis with Isa Gucciardi

Relying on our human will can only take us so far. There comes a time in our life when we have to surrender the mind and allow the soul’s path to unfold naturally. On this episode, we explore the unseen powers of nature with Isa Gucciardi. Isa has spent over 30 years studying spiritual, therapeutic, and meditative techniques from around the world. She has worked with master teachers of Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism and Sufism, as well as expert Shamanic practitioners from the indigenous traditions of Hawaii, North and South America, Siberia, and Nepal. Isa is the creator of Depth Hypnosis, a therapeutic modality that integrates elements of Shamanic journeying and Buddhist meditation. She guides us through a live Depth Hypnosis journey during the interview *please don’t follow this part while driving, for obvious reasons*. She is the co-founder of the Foundation of the Sacred Stream, a school for consciousness studies in California. They offer courses like Depth Hypnosis, Applied Shamanism, Buddhist Psychology and Integrated Energy Medicine. Isa is the author of two books, Return to the Great Mother and Coming to Peace

Highlights:

  • Experiencing Altered States at an Early Age
  • Live Depth Hypnosis: Guided Power Retrieval
  • Working with Plant Medicines in a Modern World

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript:

Thal

Welcome to the show.

Isa Gucciardi

Thank you. So nice to be here.

Thal

Thank you. Yes.

Adrian

To start things off, we’d love to hear how your spiritual journey began. Um, any sort of particular orientation that you were brought up with that you might want to share with our listeners?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, I think my spiritual journey began as soon as I met trees. Um, I um, was very involved with nature when I was little. I lived in Hawaii and, um, you know, nature there is kind of in your face all the time, you know, you can’t kind of look away from it the way you can when you’re living in a place like New York City or something. And, um, you know, I spent a lot of time outside. I spent a lot of time, you know, with the birds, with the crabs, you know, with the wind. And you know, there was a real solace that I felt in nature. I felt, uh, you know, a real sense of connectedness that I didn’t feel necessarily with human beings. And I think that the question in my mind, arose very, very young, um, you know, how do we bring this peace that’s here in nature into the affairs of humans? You know, like from me, that was such a huge difference between the two worlds that I, you know, it was, it was really a question early on, how do we, how do we bridge these two worlds? So I think, um, you know, in terms of a spiritual tradition, it was definitely nature. That was my first set that offered my first set of teachings. I did, um, because I was in Hawaii and I had a lot of Japanese Hawaiian friends. Um, there were, um, of course the Buddhist temples that you find everywhere in Hawaii. And I used to, you know, try to arrive at my friend’s house just before I knew they were going to temple, so they would invite me. And I like the smell of the tatami mats and I, uh, you know, just love the smell of the incense and I didn’t really receive any particular teachings. They were, it was pure-land Buddhism, which is, you know, a pretty, um, you know, evangelical kind of Buddhism. But, you know, I didn’t know, I didn’t feel exposed necessarily to the teachings that were being offered there. It was more the Zeitgeist of the place, you know, the, the, just the, just the beauty and the, um, and the sort of energy around the Buddhist statues and the altar. The Altars were fascinating to me. And, um, and then the interesting, another interesting spiritual, but not, you know, again, not as powerful as nature was that I was sent to a missionary school. Um, and, and it was a Lutheran school. And the teachings there centered on Jesus as a healer. And, you know, this nice man who took care of the sheep, you know, it was like, you know, like you seem like such a nice guy, you know,I was, you know, and I love the idea that he could, he could heal people. Like that was like this amazing thing that he could put his hands.

Adrian

Sorry Isa we’re missing a little bit of the connection there. Um..

Isa Gucciardi

I don’t know, maybe I moved, are you there?

Adrian

Yes, yes. Yeah. Just the part about, um, uh, Jesus as a healer.

Isa Gucciardi

Yeah he could put his hands on someone and heal them. And it was, that was enthralling to me that, that, you know, that miracles could happen, you know, and that kind of gave me hope, you know, from my idea that, you know, maybe there was going to be some kind of a bridge between nature and human activity that, um, could help people. So those are sort of my early influences. Um, all of them kind of, you know, very independent and, you know, I didn’t have like, again, a lot of proselytization or anything like that. There was no kind of orthodoxy that I had to adhere to or anything like that.

Thal

And so from your earlier experiences with um, uh, nature and this sort of open state of spirituality, how did you first get interested in altered state and shamanic journeying?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, you know, the whole thing about altered states was, um, there was something that was started happening when I was quite young, where I would suddenly kind of be in another reality, you know, and I didn’t talk about this with anyone because I really didn’t know how to talk about it. And I thought that it was normal. Um, and you know, things would kind of slow down. The different light would come and then I would be in sort of connected through nature, you know, it would always happen in nature where there would just kind of be this expansion of awareness, um, this deepening of the peace that I already ….and the thing that I started realizing is that I seem to be more aware of things that other people weren’t aware of. You know, and it wasn’t really until, um, I encountered the theosophists, which I encountered pretty early on, probably around age 10 or 11, I found a book by, um, Blavatsky and, um, she was a channel and I started realizing, oh, maybe this is that, you know, and, and then there was this whole tradition of seances, um, that, that the theosophists were connected to and I thought, oh, that’s interesting. You know, like the, you know, so here’s this, here’s this, uh, sort of container that this thing is happening in. And then I remember, I, um, I had moved all around the world and, um, I came back to go to high school in New Jersey and the, there was really big thing back then. I don’t know if this still happens now, but everyone was always having slumber parties. And in the slumber parties they started doing seances. And I’m like, “Oh, I’m in!” You know, like, you know, it’s, uh, it’s so everyone would go around and, you know, they would, they would say, you know, like they would channel something or, you know, like, you know, and, and I just went ahead and did what I’d been doing in nature by myself for a long time. And there was, everybody started freaking out and I’m like, what’s going on? What’s wrong? You know? And, and I didn’t realize that everybody else was not really tuning into anything. And what I was tuning into was like super accurate for everyone. Like I remember this one girl asked me about her grandmother who had died and wanted to talk to her grandmother. And so I just kind of tuned in and found the grandmother and said all these things. And she started crying and freaking out. And I’m like, uh-oh, what did I do? You know? And, and then I realized, wait a minute, there’s something that other people can’t do, like other people can’t do this and there’s something that I am doing. And, um, and, uh, I, well, the good thing of that, I mean, she was freaked out. We had to calm her down, but the good thing was I became a hot ticket on the slumber party. Yeah.

Adrian

Do me do me! Do me next! [laughing]

Isa Gucciardi

I’d be like, yeah, you know, so, but, but it took me a while. I mean, that was kind of, you know, you know, not the most sacred set and setting for this sort of thing, you know, and, and, um, but my interest in altered states was, was always strong because of this early experience. And my interest in altered states increased over time as I really felt a further disconnection from the way in which people were expressing themselves and what they were saying and what they were actually thinking. You know, like, that was like really obvious to me, you know? And, and it was, um, you know, it was very disorienting. Like, it wasn’t comfortable. Like I didn’t, it made me feel really wary, you know, like that people could lie so much about something, you know, there’d be saying something that wasn’t true. And then thinking this other thing. And it made me feel, you know, like I really didn’t know what to do with all that and it was happening all around me and you know, I, and I didn’t really wound up spending, I mean I’m a very social person on one level, you know, like I like being with people. I think they’re interesting, I like helping people. Um, but I really had to spend a lot of time alone because there that disconnect was something that I was really trying to metabolize. And so I started really getting serious about exploring altered states of awareness. And I started meditating early on, you know, my Buddhist experience early on brought me back to zen and, um, you know, as a teenager and you know, exploring the altered state through meditation was, um, you know, of course very nourishing and yet there was always, um, this experience there I felt was a little stark, especially in Zen. Zen is quite stark. And I mean, I understand why they want to kind of have this kind of flat aesthetic so that you’re not distracted by external things. Like, I understand that the reason for it, but, um, it, you know, I, um, I had spent so much time with nature and with the beauty of nature and all of the changing forms internally of nature and I didn’t really buy into this idea that you shouldn’t have a lot of color and form and sound and light that could be part of the teaching. Right. And I, again, I understand the idea of having this stillness, this spaciousness, this depth of experience that does not contain a lot of other elements to it. And I certainly to this day, I have a practice of shamata, which is the essence of zen meditation where you’re really just focusing into the stillness and spaciousness. But I found it difficult to receive teachings actually. Like I could receive the teachings of the stillness, but if I had specific questions, I, you know, when I went into, when I was in nature as a child, I could ask the trees anything. I mean, they would give me all kinds of information and all kinds of teachings. And some of the most profound teachings I’ve ever received are from plants. And, um, so when I encountered shamanism, which I encountered actually because had moved around so much growing up, I first encountered it, um, it among the wechel ranch hands that took care of this ranch that I got sent to, um, when I wasn’t in school, uh, when we were living in Texas. So I spent a lot of time with those people and you know, they, they were really kind and they would show me, you know, what kinds of plants would you know, be needed for a specific, like if I had a cold or something, they would go out and pick plants with me and show me how to prepare them. And they taught me how to ride horses and they were just generally really kind. And I, and I started realizing these people are making the bridge between humans and nature. Like they were very integrated with nature and um, and the kindness and the sweetness of nature was within them. And that was a big deal for me. And, uh, you know, I tried to understand, you know, where’s this coming from? And they didn’t give me specific teachings in Shamanism, but there was always, you know, a wise, a wise man who would arrive and do ceremonies on the edge of the Mesa. And so I got very intrigued with that. You know, I was like, what is going on here? You know, and, um, and uh, and you know, there was, um, you know, just a real inoculation there. And later, I mean, just a few years later, I started studying pottery techniques. I was really fascinated with pit firing and, uh, the Pueblo Indians just north of that sort of in southern New Mexico, just north of northern Mexico where I’d been, um, that those people were very similar in some ways. Um, in terms of the potters were very connected to nature. You know, we would, we would dig the clay and, you know, we were making offerings to the land, thanking them for the clay. And I’ve got really drawn into shamanic practice like that. That was where it really started, you know, like through art, you know, through, through the exploration of the elements through pottery. I really got drawn into shamanic practice and started studying, you know, I had started studying a lot of different cultures already because I lived all over the world and I was really interested in the way that different cultures brought forward, different aspects of experience. And I really got interested in the way in which shamanic practice correlated with artistic practice in different cultures. And I started studying them more academically and actually got my first degree in cultural and linguistic anthropology and that, you know, cultural anthropology is really an academic study of shamanism. And, um, so I became exposed to the concept of the journey, the way of altering the state of awareness with song, with dance and with sound. And from me, the shamanic journey was just the most natural thing in the world. You know, like, I mean, I had already been doing it, you know, from, since I was two, you know. And I was really enthralled and I worked, um, you know, as a, you know, I mean, you know, I had been doing more and more work with my kind of quote unquote psychic capacities. I worked as a ground, for this pretty famous psychic and, you know, started doing a little bit of channeling on my own. And Michael Harner found out that I was a medium and asked me to do, I was a medium for him for many years and, um, wound up studying with him and he helped formalize some of the knowledge that I had received from working with all these different native Americans, um, in, you know, more of an artistic context but within shamanic practice and, um, that, you know, and then, but there was a way in which Michael was working with the journey, which I thought was, I thought it was great. You know, Michael is amazing person and we have to, we all owe him a great deal of respect because he was an anthropologist that wasn’t looking down on these little brown people that he was studying, which was the main thing that was happening in anthropology even, you know, up into the 70s. Yeah. So, um, uh, you know, I think, you know, the, you know, he was one of the first people who really, truly respected the people he was studying I think. And, or he said he did. You know, a lot of people didn’t say that. And um, so through, um, you know, so, so he, you know, he would teach the journey and you know, and it was interesting the way he was working with it. But in traditional shamanic practice, the journey is designed to establish a relationship with the unseen powers of nature. That’s what the journey is about. It’s a way of opening the worlds so that you can learn how to connect with the unseen forms of nature and then learn how to work with them in order to do things like divination or healing or a ceremony or conflict resolution. These are the kinds of uses that you might find with the journey in a traditional setting. But, um, you know, over time, you know, there was a lot that happened in between that experience and where I’m getting ready to go right now. But I, when I started teaching the journey, I really felt that we needed to work with the tools of the journey in a more modern way. Modern in that the modern psyche, you know, you’re talking about this crisis of meaning, you know, and I think it’s so wonderful that you’re focusing there. And I would love to talk about that forever, but, but one of the big issues with modern people is this crisis of meaning. And you know, you, you there, there is not within western culture, any kind of paradigm about spiritual evolution that is non dogmatic in nature. And, and you know, the real big problem with the spiritual education in the West is, you know, a big part of it is mediated by men who are hurting little boys and little girls. You know, like, so that’s a big issue. You know, there’s like the, the places where people might have gone for some kind of spiritual evolution, you know, really, you know, people could not trust anymore. And, um, and then you go to science with psychotherapy and there’s no discussion. You’re not allowed to talk about spirit. So people are coming with these issues, these crisis of meaning, the spiritual emergencies. And there’s nowhere to go. And, you know, I thought we should be working with the journey to help people understand how to deal with these issues, this sense of betrayal, the sense of loss, this sense of emptiness, this sense of abandonment that people feel, um, as a result of the families and the social structures breaking down that are supposed to support those kinds of inquiries to help people feel connected, whole, uh, useful, able to bring forward their gifts and have them received in a coherent way. You know, like that’s just not happening. So I had been studying Buddhism, you know, since a very young age and within Buddhist practice there is a very powerful form of the Vipassana Meditation that is sort of the next phase of meditation after Shamata where you have this focused inward, uh, attention into this stillness and the spaciousness. And once you attain that, you can then, if you choose, use that space of stillness and s and, and, and quiet to begin to use your mind in a form of inquiry into the nature of something. And this is Vipassana where you bring, this is one form of the Vipassana where you bring a particular issue in to that space that you’ve created and you allow your mind to open it through inquiry. And, um, I thought, let’s use the journey for that. Let’s ask questions that have to do with helping people come back to a sense of wholeness to a sense of meaning. And so we, I started developing this method of questioning that was more Buddhist in nature. Like what is, what is the nature of my creative source for instance, or what, what do I need to know about the relationship with my father in order to be able to form relationships with other men, right. In a whole way. Or, um, you know, what are the circumstances under which this fear that I have in the dark developed, right? So, so those kinds of questions are not the kinds of questions that are typically asked in a traditional shamanic practice, but they are the kinds of questions that might be addressed in a more kind of a broad minded Buddhist practice. So I combined the two. And so when we were teaching the shamanic journey within applied shamanism, it is designed toward personal evolution rather than toward only understanding the forces of nature and asking them to participate in the affairs of humans in a way that is beneficial, which of course I still teach that as well. That’s a big part of the applied shamanism program. But this use of the journey within applied shamanism is unique and I think it’s uniquely suited to the crisis that what you’re calling the crisis of meaning that we’re experiencing in the modern time. So that’s a really long answer to your question, how I become involved with the Shamanic journey. But there you go.

Thal

That was actually amazing. You just answered a few questions that we actually had lined up too in a linear fashion. So it’s just like, thank you. That was an amazing answer.

Isa Gucciardi

Oh, good. I’m glad. It’s helpful.

Adrian

Yeah. And just to see the combination of the, your exposure to Shush Shamanic culture and your Buddhist practice and that merging, you know, which is what I sense was the genesis of your depth hypnosis methodology. Um, could you share a little bit about what depth hypnosis is and perhaps what it’s not and what are some misconceptions people have when they first encounter that?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, the first misconception that people have is that it is not death hypnosis. People often think it’s D-E-A-T-H. It’s D-E-P-T-H hypnosis. And depth hypnosis is not stage hypnosis. Um, it’s not, one of the big issues with hypnosis is actually justified in that, um, people use hypnosis and a kind of performance kind of way to subjugate the will of another person as entertainment. And I mean, this could not be further from the purposes of depth hypnosis. And you find this even in clinical practice, you find hypnotists are drawn to hypnosis because they like the idea that they’re going to have power over someone’s capacity to move in and out of the different states of awareness. And I see this still, I see it frequently. Um, like at conferences, people get off on that idea and um, you know, if I’ve only had a couple of people come through my classes, I guess they didn’t read the fine print well enough thought they could do that kind of thing. And they lasted about an hour in class. Um, so, um, the, uh, the, the point of depth hypnosis is quite different in terms of alignment, which is that the depth hypnosis practitioner aligns with the will of the higher self of the person. They are serving, right? And so there’s this idea of service and it’s this idea of alignment with the highest good of the person that you’re working with. So you really are entering into a very sacred space when you’re entering into the inner world of another person. And with depth hypnosis, we really recognize and honor the privilege that we’ve been granted and work very hard to leave no traces. Uh, you know, I always say you never want to leave any footprints behind when you’ve been working with someone in an altered state. You want whatever their experiences to be felt by them to be arising from them and you want them to be engaged in such a way that they are empowered in the process and not passive. So that’s a big difference with depth hypnosis and other forms of hypnotherapy is that the clients are often passive and in depth hypnosis we seek to involve everyone in their process so that they are more empowered so that they are not depending on someone else ultimately to provide them with meaning about their experience, that they are discovering the meaning of their experience themselves. So this is, this is a very, very basic part of depth hypnosis in terms of orientation and how it is different from other forms of hypnosis. And other forms of hypnotherapy. Um, and then of course within depth hypnosis, there’s a hundred other things that make it different from other forms of hypnosis and hypnotherapy, which is Shamanism in Buddhism. Right? And also the integration of energy medicine, which is at the heart of both shamanic and Buddhist practice. And um, you know, it all takes its seat within the Western clinical practice in transpersonal psychology rather than in clinical psychology because in clinical psychology there really is not this idea that the participation of spirit is part of the therapeutic process. And of course in transpersonal psychology there is definitely the invitation toward the transcendent to participate in the therapeutic experience. And so depth hypnosis takes its place within that seat of western therapeutic practice because we are definitely always working with the transcendent and helping the person try to understand what their relationship is to this deeper place within them, where their deeper experience is held and that deeper experience is going to have the solution to whatever the symptom they are trying to address with the therapeutic process and working with depth hypnosis, helping a person move into an altered state of awareness generally through suggestions for relaxation helps them access that transcendent aspect of themselves that in Buddhism is called Buddha-nature. This aspect of the self that is compassionate kind wise or in Shamanic practice would be referred to as core power, the part of them that is connected to their creative sources in a powerful way. And um, and in through the connection with that part of the self, then the issues that lie in the symptoms that are creating problems such as fear of flying or binge eating or too much alcohol consumption or anxiety or kind of obsessive kinds of mental processes or chronic fatigue or any of the different layers or layers of experience that the symptoms might be manifesting on. They are assisted and brought to resolution by helping the person move into this altered state of awareness where they encounter this transcendent part of themselves. And then they also encounter the roots and sources of the symptoms that they have come into the therapeutic process to heal.

Thal

Um, so speaking of the experiential and practical side of things, um, I don’t know, are you open to maybe take us and our listeners through a live journey of depth hypnosis or a sample? A taste?

Isa Gucciardi

Sure.

Thal

Okay. Cool.

Isa Gucciardi

Do you want to do that now?

Adrian

Yeah that would be great!

Isa Gucciardi

Let’s, um, let’s do that process that I talked about where you’re connecting with your Buddha nature or in depth hypnosis, we call it the part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent. And the reason we use that phraseology is because it’s neutral, right? It’s like if somebody hears Buddha nature, they’re like, oh no, somebody is trying to proselytize me.

Thal

Yes, yes.

Isa Gucciardi

Or if they hear helping spirit, which is the words that are often used in Shamanic practice and connecting with Shamanic teachers through the journey, then they hear the word spirit and they get really allergic. Really fast.

Thal

Spooked out.

Isa Gucciardi

Right. Exactly. It’s good. Right. So we use this, this phrase, the part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent because that allows anyone to access the transcendent within them in a way that has meaning for them, right? So that’s what we’ll be doing right now. So just allowing yourself to get settled, noticing all the places where the surface do you meets different parts of your body. And as you do, just noticing where your breath is, noticing as you breathe in, where your breath goes. And noticing as you breathe out where your breath goes. And just becoming aware of the way in which your breath is like a bridge between your outer world and your inner world. And just allowing yourself with each breath to draw a bit closer into your inner world, into that place where everything that you’ve ever known or felt or sensed or dreamed or imagined is recorded. And as you come into this place, just knowing that we’re here today to connect with a part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent and which you may experience through any of your senses, or you may sense, for instance, hearing this part of yourself, you may see this part of yourself. You may feel this part of yourself and just knowing that it may take any form that has meaning to you, such as an animal or a plant, or a person, or a light or a sound, or a mythic or angelic being. And just allowing yourself for now, however, to just return to your breath and as you do, just allowing yourself to sense or feel or imagine that as you breathe in that you can draw a sense of relaxation that you may have noticed is a rising all around you and just allowing yourself on your next breath to bring that sense of relaxation up into your head and face. Just letting the muscles, your eyes and jaw let go of any tension they might be carrying and feeling that same relaxation flowing down into your neck and throat, down into your shoulders, your arms and hands. And on your next breath I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that same relaxation filling your lungs and just noticing how your heart feels is that relaxation flows throughout your chest, down into your belly, bathing all of your organs of digestion and elimination and reproduction in a soothing bath of relaxing energy and just feeling that same relaxation flowing down through your hips, down to your legs, all the way down to your feet. And on your next breath, I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that that relaxation has created a star or Sun at the base of your skull. And I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that star or Sun radiating throughout your mind, harmonizing your brainwaves and just noticing that is your mind. Relax. Your body feels even more relaxed and that as your body relaxes, your mind feels even more relaxed. And just noticing the connection between your mind and your body as you allow that relaxation to flow down your spine, vertebra by vertebra, relaxing all the nerves and muscles in your back, all the way down to the base of your skull, down through your bottom and down through the back of your legs, all the way to your feet again. And I’m wondering if you might notice now that you’re so filled with this relaxation that it could actually be coming out of the pores of your skin and surrounding you in a cocoon or a cloud of soothing, relaxing energy and as you feel supported in this way. I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine there’s a staircase here before you and that staircase leads to the place within you where you’ll encounter this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent and which you may experience through any of your senses in any form that has meaning to you. So just allowing yourself now as I count from 10 to one to travel along the staircase knowing that when we reach one you’ll be in the place where you’ll be very close or in the presence of this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent. So 10 just finding your feet on the stair, noticing if the stairs made of wood or stone or some other material. Nine feeling your hand on something like a guard rail and a knowing that you have complete control over this process and that you can come back to the surface at any time if you’re uncomfortable for any reason, but seven knowing that you can actually go quite deeply because you do want to understand this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent better. Six, just allowing all of your inner senses to open quite widely. Now five, your inner sense of taste, touch and smell, your inner sense of sight and hearing that especially that sixth sense of just knowing, allowing them all to open quite widely for as you focus now on a place perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at peace. Three, knowing that you can trust the impressions that you’re receiving as you focus even more intently on this place, perhaps in nature where you felt comfortable and at peace. Two, knowing that you can allow your conscious mind with any doubt or fear to simply rest as you focus even more intently on this place. Perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at and one, just allowing yourself now as you get to the end of the stair to step out into this place, this place perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at peace and as you do just taking a deep breath and noticing the particular odour of this place and allowing that smell to bring you into even deeper contact with it. Noticing the quality of the light, listening for any sounds and just noticing if the wind is still on your cheek or if there’s a breeze and just letting yourself rest here. Noticing perhaps for the first time in a long time how much this place is a part of you and how much you’re apart of this place. Just finding yourself in that connection, resting, noticing all of the different qualities of this place. Just noticing with all of your senses, if there’s any particular aspect of this place that’s drawing your attention more strongly than others and just allowing your attention to be drawn to the place that’s drawing your attention most strongly and allowing all of your senses to move to that place. You may be being drawn to a plant or an animal or a light or a sound, or perhaps even a mythic or angelic being, or perhaps even a person or some other form that has meaning for you here and as your attention is drawn to that place, focus all of your senses there and ask this question, would you be willing to guide me and protect me? Would you be willing to guide me and protect me and listening knowing that you may receive that answer with any of your senses. You may hear the answer as a verbal message. You may experience the answer is a telepathic message. There may be a knowing or there may be some action on the part of this potential guide for you or there may be a change in the environment that would indicate the answer to this question. Would you be willing to guide me and protect me and as you receive this answer, if the answer is yes, you can simply become aware of the different qualities of this guide, the nature of its power, its personality, and if the answer is no, don’t worry. There’ll be another opportunity to connect. Just allowing yourself now to rest in this answer and just bringing this answer, this connection back with you. Now as you come back gently to the surface, I’ll count from one to 10 and as I do one, just allowing yourself to return along the same path that you came. Two, knowing that you can return here at any time. Three, and feeling the connection with this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent, growing stronger. Four, and deep. Five, with each number. Six, as you come back closer to the surface. Seven, feeling this surface under you. Again, Eight. And when you’re ready, just stretching a bit. Nine. And when you’re ready, just opening your eyes and 10 you’ll be back in the room remembering everything.

Thal

Wow. That was amazing. Thank you.

Isa Gucciardi

You’re welcome. And maybe just take a minute to review your experience so you can kind of integrated a bit and you know, your listeners may want to go ahead and write down their experience while it’s fresh.

Thal

Mm hmm. The thing that stands out for me is, um, for a moment I felt like different pieces of my life sort of came together and I, you know, I mean, I don’t want to interpret or anything, but just, just wanted to share that.

Isa Gucciardi

That’s wonderful. You might want to really explore that further. Yes, yes. And what the meaning of that might be. Um, because you know, one of the things that, um, you know, this is actually a Shamanic process. It’s an adaptation of the Shamanic journey. And you know, this is typical of depth hypnosis. What it does is it brings Shamanic and Buddhist and energy medicine and hypno-therapeutic processes into an everyday conversation so that people can access, um, deeper parts of themselves in order to heal more deeply. And what you just described, different parts of yourself coming together or different parts of your experience coming together. This, from a Shamanic perspective would be, an expected effect of a power retrieval and the shamanic journey is a power retrieval in that it is helping the person connect with power within themselves in order to be able to feel more whole. So you kind of just had that experience. Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. Thank you. That was such a beautiful journey. I want to ask, because you mentioned, you know, even for listeners if they want to pause and take notes, what would you advise to do after an experience like that? Or maybe what would you advise against? Um, can you do it wrong? What, what, when, you know, in terms of beginner mistakes that when one starts to journey this way.

Isa Gucciardi

Um, well if you follow the, the, the process that I prescribed is this very hard to like do something wrong. Um, but one of the things that can happen, um, is that sometimes when people start to go inward for the first time, they may encounter issues that they had kind of been keeping it at arm’s length. And so sometimes people will feel a little anxious or something like that. And I always recommend when people start feeling that at the beginning of the process. If that happens for you, then you would, you know, one thing that I would say is let that anxiousness just rest for a little while because we are going to connect with a form of power that’s going to help you with that anxiousness. If you can just let it rest, you’re going to get some help with it. So if that happened for someone, you know, there’s a little bit of advice. And then in terms of, um, what would be the next, the next steps, you know, you probably need a little bit of guidance but you can connect back with that teacher. You can follow the same path that you took and you can ask a question. And, um, this is one of the things that we focus on extensively in the shamanic journey class is how to form questions and how to interpret answers. And, but for now, just try to stay with a one part question and that doesn’t begin with why. And, um, just go ahead and follow that same path back to this teacher. Ask Your question and then again, allow for the emerging of the answer in a variety of ways. Again, there may be a telepathic or verbal message. There may be a visceral experience. There may be an action on the part of the teacher and you may have to interpret it. Um, and I, you know, there is on the, on the website there’s going to be a class coming up specifically for distance learners. Um, we have time zone experiences that are suited for everyone around the world now and, um, that’ll be coming up in August, but we’ll also be teaching the Shamanic journey on Pacific time. Um, so if that’s not too onerous for someone living life, for instance in Toronto, that’s not too hard. Um, you can tune in distance learning to the live class and you can get more instruction and guidance on posing questions and interpreting answers. And also I’ll be teaching a class on dreams coming up very shortly, um, online and in that class I spend a lot of time helping people understand how to interpret their dreams, which is a very similar process to interpreting the experience in the shamanic journey. So that would be a place where people could also get some insight on interpretation. So, um, you know, I think that the other thing that I think is really important, um, is to really like as you’re falling asleep at night or waking up in the morning to just connect with this part of yourself just as a, as a way of deepening the bond with it and becoming aware of it in your daily life. Um, a lot of times what I like to do after doing a power retrieval for someone is to give them a little present, like a stone or you know, um, you know, a leaf or some other form of nature that they can kind of just keep in their pocket. Um, and then when they touch it in their pocket, they remember the connection and that helps integrate this sense of guidance and protection into your everyday life and it changes the way you are in the world, you know. Um, and one last thing that I would say not to do is I wouldn’t like when you’re working in this way, um, it’s important to know who you’re talking to before you talk about your experience. You know, in Buddhism there’s this concept, you know, having the ears to hear and eyes to see, you know, I wouldn’t like, you know, talk about this deep connection that you have with your guide, you know, to a bunch of drunk people, you know, I get why they probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate it and it might drain the power, you know? So here’s a thought.

Thal

Yeah. And along those lines too, like, um, I was thinking, um, you know, you had mentioned that sometimes these types of journeying brings up, um, uh, things that people have kept in the shadows, sort of. So maybe to have self compassion and not to have lots of expectations when doing these steps of journeying and maybe if someone needs to seek a therapist or a counsellor or even a friend to process that, that’s important too.

Isa Gucciardi

Great idea. Excellent idea. And you know, there’s a lot of depth hypnosis practitioners that work on the phone and you can find them at a DepthHypnosisPractitioners.org If you find like you want more help, you know, there’s, and there’s also applied shamonic practitioners that are available as well at AppliedShamanism.org.

Thal

Amazing. Okay. Um, there’s this question that have been sitting with really even before the interview. Um, I know you touched upon it a little bit earlier when you mentioned, um, the connection between Buddhism, Shamanism, anthropology, modernity, academia. Um, the question of what shamanism means has been coming up a lot lately, I’ve noticed. There’s a lot of discussion on the Internet, um, you know, uh, issues of cultural appropriation and what not. So, um, uh, what are your thoughts around that issue?

Isa Gucciardi

Um, well, the definition of Shamanism, the basic thing about Shamanic practice is that it is a method for understanding the wisdom of the earth and for bringing the unseen powers that are contained in the forms of nature into the affairs of humans. That is the essential definition of Shamanism. The word ‘Shaman’ is actually a Mongolian language the Tongas word, which means “he or she who knows”. And of course what the person knows is how the world of the unseen affect the world of the scene and how the world of the seen affects the world of the unseen. And so that the Shaman is always moving back and forth across what most people experience as a kind of divide. But, um, from the Shaman, those kinds of divides the, the veil between the seen and the unseen is very thin and, um, you know, the veil between life and death is very thin. You know, these. Um, so there’s this, you’re working constantly with the forces of nature to deepen your own understanding of these forces and to understand how to work with them again, to serve the community and things like divination or conflict-mediation or healing. And, um, this is what I’ve just described is true of all Shamanic practices across the world.

Thal

Yes.

Isa Gucciardi

And, um, you might find different kinds of cultural settings because of the climate. Or the nature of the land where the practice is, is done. Um, uh, or, um, you know, there may be certain types of rituals or ceremonies that are different in one place than another, but the actual underlying energetic experience is similar across the globe. And this is because the earth is the teacher and all Shamanic practitioners are learning from the earth in their own particular setting and their own particular way. But the teachings are very similar that emerge in different parts of the earth. And yet there are some areas of the earth that provide specific types of teachings. Like, you know, there may be some areas on the earth that where there’s a lot of teaching about the intelligence of plants and there may be another place on the earth where the earth is teaching about life and death. You know there’s many different courses that the earth offers in terms of..

Thal

Contextual courses.

Isa Gucciardi

Right, right, exactly. So, and you know, in terms of cultural appropriation, you know, the earth belongs to all beings and all beings have not only the right, but the responsibility to learn to listen to the earth and to bring the earth into their hearts and to allow the earth to bring her into the her heart in order to learn. And, you know, there’s different, um, again, cultural settings that you could access like a cultural ceremony, like a Sundance where you can access the teachings of the earth through that ceremony that is particular to that particular cultural setting. Um, but, you know, you would need to be invited in order to use that access point, you would need to have the permission of the peoples who have set up that access point.

Thal

An initiation of sorts?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, you know, to be brought through an initiation or just, you know, have permission to be nearby, right? And I think that if, you know, I think that, um, you know, it’s important to respect different access points that are held in different cultures. Um, and you know, certainly it’s important for a person who’s interested in Shamanic practice to develop their own relationship with the helping spirits of nature and to, and to understand why they are doing that and how they’re doing that in their own way. It doesn’t have to be through a cultural context. And certainly in applied shamanism, I’m quite specific about stripping cultural trappings from the practices. And the reason that I do that is because I’m trying to bring these practices into the modern time and make them as relevant as possible to the problems of modern people. But I’m also very careful not to try to use any kind of practice that is part of a cultural setting that I don’t have the permission to use. So I’m never worried about cultural appropriation because I’m very clean in the way that I work, um, you know, I have a respect for all Shamanic practices that are working within the light. And, um, I think that, uh, um, I certainly understand how people in certain cultural environments would be upset to have people coming in from the outside and trying to kind of consume their spiritual practices. And I do think that’s inappropriate, but I, at the same time, I think it’s important for people to understand that the earth belongs to all of us and we do have that responsibility to respect and honor her. And what better way to learn how to do that than to learn from the unseen powers that she holds within her and Shamanic practice is offers a pathway to that learning.

Adrian

Isa, it’s been such a rich conversation. I want to bring this to a close with sort of a two part question. Um, on the one hand, we’re experiencing this renaissance of the psychedelic interest in exploration and healing. I want to hear your thoughts and what you’re excited about and perhaps what you’re concerned about with this trend. And maybe just to along with that question is what is your vision of the future of consciousness exploration and healing?

Isa Gucciardi

Well I think that the, you know, in terms of the renewed interest in psychedelics, I think it’s a wonderful, um, and I also think that again, it comes with responsibilities and, um, I think that it’s important, um, to not approach a psychedelic plants or psychotropic plants with the kind of consumer attitude. Like what can you do for me kind of attitude. I think it’s important to enter into the realm of the plants from a place of respect and to remember that within Shamanic practice, the work with plants is very broad. It doesn’t only focus on psychotropic plants, the, the use of plants in all Shamanic cultures for healing is a specialized area of study for Shamanic practitioners. And understanding the broader intelligence of plants from that context is very important before you even begin to think about the realms of being that the psychotropic plants open to the practitioner or, and so I think we have to keep it, you know, the exploration of psychotropic plants well seated within traditional Shamanic practice that includes the broader intelligence of plants. So this is very, very important. Um, and I think that, uh, uh, of course the pitfalls are many because you have people who are facilitating plant circles that may not have this deeper understanding, may not have their intentionality as clear as it might be. But I think, you know, if you, if you do due diligence and you understand that the nature of the facilitator, the kind of education and intention they have, excuse me. Um, and let me just get a little drink of water. Thank you. Um, and if you are sincere in your own seeking, like I wouldn’t just drop into a plant circle off the street. I would make it part of a larger spiritual inquiry, to be very clear on what your intentionality is in engaging with the plants and to set an intention to receive teachings and to a particular area of your life that needs healing or clarity and, to set your intention in that way. I mean, the plants will do what they’re going to do, but by, by having the discipline to open yourself to places where the plant might best assist you is important. And also, I think it’s important after the experience to spend some time integrating what you have learned and to really not engage with psychotropic plants until again, until you have integrated what you have learned. And you know, in the plant medicine insight integrations program that we have as part of our Applied Shamanism program here at the sacred stream, we teach people how to facilitate, uh, you know, sessions beforehand that are Depth Hypnosis or Shamanic counselling in nature to help people focus and sessions afterwards to help people integrate. And I think this is really key and really fundamental to working with the plants to be working in this larger, larger context. Um, and you know, I think, you know, for me, I’m always concerned about the depletion of the plants and I think that we need to create farms. We need to create sustainable practices of harvesting and we need to keep front and center how incredibly lucky we are to be able to have access to this wisdom and to protect it’s access with our respect and, um, with our practice.

Thal

It’s like we need more wisdom to actually access wisdom traditions in some ways.

Isa Gucciardi

In some ways, that’s true. Yeah, and actually that’s, you just said what I do [laughing]. Here’s the tools. Like let’s try them on, let’s use them. Where did they take us? What did we learn?

Thal

Right, right, right.

Isa Gucciardi

Yes. Very important. Very, very insightful comment there.

Thal

Thank you.

Adrian

Thank you so much for today. We’re going to provide all those links for listeners to access the programs, Sacred Stream, and thanks for the guided journey. That was wonderful.

Thal

Yes. That was amazing. Thank you.

Isa Gucciardi

You’re so welcome. It’s such a pleasure. I’m so inspired by your dedication to the work. Congratulations.

Thal

Thank you so much. Thank you.

#15: From Ecstasy to Remedy – MDMA Therapy with Anne Wagner

As the so-called third wave of psychedelic renaissance unfolds, the notion of self-improvement has taken a new and deeper meaning. After a long slumber, the field of mental health is waking up to the therapeutic potentialities of these powerful tools in relieving symptoms of depression, PTSD, addiction, and fear surrounding terminal illness. Targeted towards beginners, Michael Pollen’s book How To Change Your Mind, published in the summer of 2018, propelled the conversation around psychedelics to the forefront. Whether it is MDMA, LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca, or others, the potential for consciousness expansion and psycho-spiritual growth is immense.

The FDA recently granted “Breakthrough Therapy” Designation to MDMA for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and is currently in phase 3 clinical trials. Popularly known as a recreational drug, and as the main ingredient in ecstasy, MDMA is paving the way for the possible near-term legalization of psychedelic therapy.

On this episode, we talk to Anne Wagner, a clinical psychologist and one of the lead investigators involved in the MAPS funded clinical trials of MDMA + cognitive-based psychotherapy for PTSD. Anne tells us how she ended up working in the cutting edge of psychedelic science and what these studies offer for the future of mental health. In her clinical practice, Anne applies a cognitive-behavioural and mindfulness-based approach to therapy and she also offers preparation and integration of psychedelic and non-ordinary state experiences. We got to connect with Anne at her new clinic, Remedy in Toronto. 

Highlights:

  • MDMA + Cognitive Based Conjoint Therapy for PTSD
  • Leading Psychedelic Research
  • The Future of Mental Health

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal

Welcome Anne to the show.

Anne Wagner

Thanks so much for having me.

Thal

Thank you.

Adrian

Yeah, we’re sitting in your space, Remedy in Toronto. No, actually that’s one of the things we do want to ask you about is to learn more about the work that you’re doing here. Um, but before we dive into your current work. We tend to like to go backwards and just learn about your journey and how you got interested in the intersections between psychology, psychedelic science and specifically the MDMA studies and how did that all come together for you?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So it was not a planned path, that’s for sure. Adding these things together. So I knew pretty early on that I wanted to pursue psychology. So within, you know, the first two years of my undergrad degree, I decided that psychology was something I found really interesting. And the thing that I liked the most about it was just the breadth and depth that you could have within one field. So you could be, um, learning how to run studies. You could be seeing clients, you could be investigating all kinds of different things that have to do with the human psyche and our experiences in the world. So, uh, that to me, the ability to be able to have a life where I got to ask lots of questions and be constantly learning and changing seemed really appealing. So I started that in my undergrad and then decided that, you know, clinical psychology was probably the right route for me. And I started Grad school at Ryerson in Ryerson University in Toronto and I started that in 2007 so I started my master’s and my PhD at Ryerson and then my internship at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. And then I went back to Ryerson and did a five year post doc and it was during that post doc that I really, uh, developed a really strong love and interest in working with trauma. And that would have been something that I had always been interested in. And I’d done work in my PhD, uh, working with my mentor Candice Monson, uh, around treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder. And then in my postdoc that really got honed into how do we work with and improve the treatments that we have or potentially make new treatments for PTSD. So, and the reason why I found that so compelling was that the treatments we have, they worked for some people some of the time. And that’s amazing. When they work, you see such incredible change for folks, especially with PTSD. Feeling like that feels permanent or like people are totally changed from how they were before. And, um, the idea that someone can really have their world open up and be able to have a new future after that to me was absolutely compelling. And, um, you know, I tell the story sometimes that my, I think my interest really started in that given my grandfather was a World War II vet and he worked with Veterans Affairs Canada as an under administer of veterans affairs. And, um, he really, really believed in supporting the veterans in terms of their experiences. And at the time, you know, we didn’t have a word for PTSD after World War II, but he knew that there were lots of people who were struggling after their experiences. So I kind of grew up understanding that this was after really challenging and traumatic experiences oftentimes that people have no choice whatsoever in the circumstances in which they’re placed, um, that we owe our brothers and sisters, you know, the ability to help work through, move forward and heal in different ways. So, um, that all kind of started to resonate and coalesce when I was in my post doc and, uh, I was working with Candace on some studies around this treatment that she developed a called Cognitive Behavioural Conjoint Therapy for PTSD. And so it’s a couple’s treatment and that to me was so interesting and fit with my values in terms of being able to work interpersonally with folks and seeing the impact not just on the person, but on their relationships, on their families, on their communities, in terms of how trauma impacts us. So we were doing work with CBCT and testing that in various ways when Candice was approached by the team at MAPS around it, which is the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies about potentially collaborating. And the MAPS team had been looking at the use of MDMA for the treatment of PTSD, uh, for many years at that point, over a dozen years. And, uh, with, you know, the steps before that having taken, you know, another 15 before that. So there was some conversations and I was really lucky to just kind of parachute into this conversation right at the beginning with Candice and we decided to be open minded and give it a go. And so, um, the really exciting piece for me was that I have no idea about psychedelic use in psychotherapy at that point. Like zilch.

Adrian

What year was this?

Anne Wagner

Uh, this would have been in 2013. So I went from literally no knowledge to now running clinical trials with MDMA. And it’s been the most impactful transition for me, um, in terms of my own trajectory and growth and as both a person but also as a researcher and a clinician. So a lot has changed in six years, that’s for sure. And, uh, yeah, at that point, that’s when we started to work on this pilot study of Cognitive Behavioural Conjoint Therapy plus MDMA for the treatment of PTSD. And that started off by Candice and I getting to have our own MDMA therapy experiences through a study for therapists that gave them the experience of understanding what that feels like. And that for me was the thing that convinced me that this was going to be worth my time and energy and putting a lot of love behind this work. So yeah, that was the starting point. That session would have been in spring of 2014 and it’s been kind of history since then in terms of getting this going. So, yeah.

Thal

Um something I’m thinking about when you’re talking about PTSD, um, a lot of people connect it only with veterans. Granted veterans have, you know, they go through a lot and they see all kinds of horrible scenarios. But there are also different types of PTSD, complex PTSD. Um, there are people that, you know, due to childhood trauma have PTSD. So maybe we can, if you can just talk about PTSD a little bit.

Anne Wagner

Sure. Yeah. So PTSD arises from a whole number of different traumatic experiences in people’s lives and they can be, it can be for repeated experiences like a childhood abuse experiences. It can be from repeated exposure to adverse details. For example, first responders are prime for that experience. It can be from single incidents, like it could be from an assault or an accident or witnessing something really traumatic happening to somebody else. Um, and it can be, as you said, for veterans from the experiences of war. It can be from displacement, it can be from all kinds of different aspects of conflict. So yeah, the idea behind PTSD is it can come from all these different things. Um, but it often looks the same in terms of its presentation in terms of what it looks like and people feeling like their need to avoid things that remind them of the traumatic experience. Whatever that experience is. There’s the re-experiencing of thoughts and memories associated with the event or events. There’s a hyper arousal that goes alongside of it. So that feeling in your body of being constantly on alert or constantly activated in some way. And then there’s numbing that goes alongside of it as well. So you may have either really strong emotions and really challenging cognitions or you may end up having a numbed out experience where you’re not feeling much at all. And so all of those, that constellation of symptoms, if you will, or things that happen, they all form to make up PTSD. And, uh, the differentiation, you know, between complex PTSD and PTSD, um, is, you know, it’s one where I think people find it really helpful to talk about complex PTSD, to think about the extent of the experience that they’ve had. Um, and what would I find in the research is actually that the treatments that we have for PTSD as just PTSD work for complex PTSD as well. So I think that, um, for me, I, I would get questions around complex PTSD and what I think about that, and you know, I’ve, I’ve done some publishing actually around challenging the construct.

Thal

That there is no real difference.

Anne Wagner

Right. Yeah. And it’s simply because if we really whittle it down, what matters most…

Thal

Is the experience.

Anne Wagner

Is experience. But it’s also, if we’re going to differentiate, it’s usually because we want to figure out how to best help and best treat. And so therefore, if how we treat would be the same, why would we differentiate between the two? I mean, I’m a fan of parsimony, so.

Thal

I like that. Yeah.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. So he was very open to however, however you want to interpret your experience, 100%, that’s, that’s in your hands. Um, but how it guides how we formed treatment, I think is a different way.

Thal

I think the main thing is that because a lot of people who are suffering from PTSD and they’re not veterans, they don’t legitimize their, you know, they feel like, you know, or, or they perceive like, “do you really have PTSD?” Like you, yeah, we’re not in a war zone or something like that.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I do think that helps in terms of, or can I notice it more actually in terms of, uh, folks having a broader understanding of their experience if they feel like they identify with one term another and yeah. I think whatever means to be able to own and accept the experience is useful. Yeah.

Adrian

I put a flag down when you mentioned, um, having that experience with, with Candice the first time you were sort of, sort of convinced that you wanted to do this research.

Anne Wagner

Yeah.

Adrian

Are you comfortable sharing what that experience was like?

Anne Wagner

Sure. Yeah. Um, so yeah. Okay. So the experience of having an MDMA therapy session, uh, so the way it was designed in that first, the thing I participated in, we had one active session and then one placebo session of course that you don’t know which one you’re going to get first and uh,

Adrian

But you’ll pretty quickly know which one… [laughing]

Anne Wagner

Yes. Well, I figured it out, although it was pretty funny about an hour in, I wasn’t, I was not perceiving any effect at that point. And I thought to myself, I was like, “you know, this is probably placebo. All right. Like I’ll have to wait.”

Thal

“Oh, no it’s not!”

Anne Wagner

Oh yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like within 10 minutes. You know, it’s funny, everyone else had seen my blood pressure spike, but I had not seen the, um, the recording side. I had eye shades on and they were all, you know, waiting. And then I’m like, wow. Yeah. Um, so that experience for me was, uh, it was so interesting. It was the most impactful therapeutic experience I’ve ever had. It felt like I was able to check in and all these areas in my life really quickly where without any extra layers on top of it. Like it took away my own judgment and shame and guilt around things. And it let me literally just go through all the areas of my life and go, what do we think about this? What do we think about this? How about that? And it felt like I wasn’t particularly intending to check in these areas, but it allowed me to do that. And it felt like I reached my conclusion easily and readily. And even if that conclusion was ambivalence about something, I was like, great, I’m ambivalent about that. That’s the answer. So it let me not second guess a lot of things that were happening in my internal world. Um, and I found that, that the effects of it lasted for a really long time. I mean, it, it literally that session I felt like I was integrating and processing for, you know, weeks if not months later. But the overall impact for me has been, yeah, well it really, it changed my life and a lot of ways, not just because of the therapy, but also what it had then led to. And I think that that sense of that deep investigation and exploration can really help to shape your trajectory. So, um, yeah, so that was, and I was actually great, really grateful to have a placebo session next. Cause then I just got to integrate the whole experience a few days later. Talk about it going like, wow. All right, so all this stuff happened in that session. I get to chat about it. Now.

Adrian

I guess at that point then, um, what were the next steps after having the experience and then you can ask to go go ahead with the research. Was that the deciding point to, to move along and then to move ahead.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, it, yeah, it certainly was for me, I think we went in pretty open minded, like, you know, curious to explore it, but using that as a, uh, a test to see did we think that this might have value or could you see this working? Um, and so after that we ended up.. Initially we were thinking a lot about, okay, so we’ll go into the experience. So she had these questions in mind and we should think of that. And then as soon as I got into the MDMA experience, I was like, forget it. I’m just having my own experience. I’m not thinking about methodology for study. Right. We basically, we both chose to use that week just to have our own experiences and think through that. And then with time, you know, I quickly made the decision that I wanted to use this as a tool for therapy, but we then gave ourselves a bit of space to then actually start thinking up what that would look like in terms of a treatment and a protocol and things.

Thal

So, so you guys combined the MDMA therapy with uh, you said CBCT. That’s right. It, can you talk to us about that please?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, we use, so CBCT Cognitive Behavioural Conjoined Therapy for PTSD is a 15 session treatment that’s designed for two people to go through the treatment together and uh, those two people could be in any way in relation with each other. It’s generally speaking, is romantic couples who choose to go through treatment together, but it doesn’t mean it has to be. Um, and so within that treatment folks are taken through kind of three main phases of therapy. The first phase is really understanding PTSD. Um, doing some psychoeducation about what PTSD is, what it might look like in your relationship, how it’s impacting you as well as talking about, uh, how anger and aggression can impact the relationship and just beginning to understand what those look like in the relationship and building some skills to counteract that and cope with. And then moving into phase two, we go more specifically into other skill building. So communication skills, like paraphrasing and some problem solving skills and beginning to approach things that the couple has been avoiding. And so we designed these approach tasks with the couple to help them be able to live a life of approach where they’re, you know, engaging together and doing things that they may not have been doing otherwise. And then the third phase specifically moves into making meaning of the traumatic event. And so thinking about areas where each of them, and together they may be stuck around the trauma, um, and thinking through some core themes that are related to trauma. So acceptance and blame are a big one. A control, power, trust, esteem, intimacy, um, post-traumatic growth. So using those. And then, uh, so that’s the framework of CBCT. And then what we did when we added MtMDMA to it was, we put it in strategic places in the protocol where we thought, uh, you know, if we were going to want to boost the effect of what we’re doing, we’d maybe want it in these two places. So one was in right after they’ve learned the communication skills. And so being able to have those skills as a bit of a template to be able to work with the experience together, both during and after. And then again, we placed one right in the heart of the trauma processing. So they’d started some and then we put the MDMA session to allow them to see what else could unravel in that moment and then work with them to integrate it after.

Thal

I think he had mentioned that it’s not only romantic couples, right. Have you guys had different types of dynamics?

Anne Wagner

So in the pilot with the MDMA, it was only romantic couples. Uh, we were open to, the recruitment was open for any type of diet, but it was only couples who came in. Um, but then in case studies that we’ve worked with outside of that study, we’ve seen, um, parent-child, we’ve seen, um, good friends go through it together and trying to think who have had siblings. Yeah. So there’s been a few different constellations.

Thal

And, and do you think the impact of the therapy would be different if it was just singular? Like, just like the person that’s suffering from PTSD without the conjoint.

Anne Wagner

So, I mean there are other therapies…

Thal

Yeah, cause I’m just thinking about the difference between both. Yeah. Um, but I, I do see the benefit of the relational aspect.

Anne Wagner

It’s definitely a different frame in which to conduct the therapy and, um, you know, the individual treatment. Um, for example, Cognitive Processing Therapy, which is going to be the next pilot study that we’re running with MDMA. Um, it is an individually delivered.

Thal

Oh, so you’re going to do that okay.

Anne Wagner

Yeah and the work that’s been done up until now, so, uh, that the MAPS team has been running, has been an individually delivered treatment and it’s with an inner directive supportive psychotherapy for PTSD. So not, uh, specifically one modality, but kind of allowing what comes up. Uh, so partly one of our goals with doing the know the CBCT and now the CPT plus MDMA was to use treatments that have already been tested for treatment for PTSD. And to see when we add MDMA, do you have even broader or stronger effect? Uh, so they’re giving us a different starting point in terms of the evidence in which to see if it’s effective.

Adrian

I wanted to ask if the subjects who were part of that first pilot that you were involved in, were they diagnosed as treatment resistant PTSD? Have they tried other forms of treatment prior to the study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so in this, in the pilot we ran, they didn’t specifically have to be treatment resistant, but they all were. Um, so it was, it just so you know, it people are not necessarily jumping the gun to do this without having tried many different things. So yeah, everyone had had lots of different treatments in the past.

Adrian

I’m so curious. Um, yeah, there’s so many, so many questions. Yeah. I’m thinking a juicy place to dive into is their first experience, you know, if you can share with us perhaps maybe what their experiences were leading up to it and, and the, what the day looked like, when they had it for the first time?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, so folks had some preparation ahead of time, so obviously they’d gone through a consent process. And lots of conversation about what this whole treatment was going to look like. And then they’d had some intensive days or a day and a half, basically of CBCT. So we squished the equivalent of five sessions into a day and a half of CBCT. Um, and so, and some of that day was in the morning of their MDMA session. So they were, uh, mostly quite nervous before their MDMA sessions. Especially a lot of them were either psychedelic or entactogen naive or the experiences they had had where like 20, 30, 40 years ago and you know, university at some point. Um, so never in this context and never with the presumption that they’re going to be talking about trauma. So, uh, yeah, so there was definitely anxiety ahead of time, which we work with and a lot of the partners were quite anxious too, cause you know, they really, okay,

Adrian

They’re coming along for the ride.

Anne Wagner

So yeah. And everyone went through with it and did it. And, uh, so the way the room is designed, when we were doing the sessions, uh, there would be two recliner chairs. And so the couple would sit in those recliner chairs and be able to either have the option of sitting up or lying back, not completely flat, but you know, quite reclined. And then the two therapists would be in the room with them and facing them. And then if people were feeling really activated and they want some support from the therapist, we had like small camper chairs that we would sit beside them on the recliner chairs. So, um, they could have, it’s a little bit space or closeness and, uh, they were close enough to each other that if they reached out, they could touch hands or hold hands or can choose not to if they wanted to as well. And so the way the day was, there really was no structure to the day other than, um, you know, we would encourage them to spend time as we deemed it inside, which means, uh, with headphones on, eyeshades on and just reflecting internally and that experience and other times where they’d be talking with us, talking with their partner in sharing the experiences that were coming up or reflections. Um, so, you know, we’d go through different periods of time inside time outside, and we learned how to better orchestrate interaction between the couple in terms of, you know, at some point someone’s ready to talk and the other one’s deeply in process with something else. So we would, um, we learned how to kind of check in with one or the other, maybe jot down a note and say we’d hold that, that thought for them. And they could go back inside and we’d raise it again when everyone was, you know, out in the room. Yeah. So that’s basically what it looked like.

Thal

What about the role of music.

Anne Wagner

Music plays a very important role and kind of assisting the process. So, you know, allowing for an arc in the experience and having, um, supportive music kind of at the beginning. And then active music as you kind of getting peak effect and then, uh, music that helps with resolution and closer to the end. Um, but you also need to, you know, we had, we were flexible with the music within it. So, um, Annie Mithoefer who is one of the investigators and she’s a great Dj. So she was our DJ for all the sessions, which I’m going to have to learn how to do when I’m running the sessions here and, uh, yeah, so both members of the dyad would have earphones on and we’d also have it playing in the room so everyone could hear the music. And so we had splitters to do that and then at times we turn the music off when they’re talking and yeah.

Thal

I was going to ask like do you turn off when they’re talking?

Anne Wagner

Yeah or turn it down. Just mostly so it’s easier for everyone can hear each other.

Adrian

How many couples were there in total in that study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so it was a small number. So we ran six couples through it and it’s really, originally we were thinking of going up to 10, but, uh, for a number of different reasons, including time and money. And, uh, but also the main reason was because our effects were looking very good. We decided to stop at six. Um, to be able to kind of had enough evidence to show we can do it. It’s feasible, it’s safe, people tolerate it and people improve. And as enough of a signal to say, we need a larger study. So in designing the larger study that would have a control condition.

Adrian

I imagine all the internal experiences vary greatly between participants. But were there any commonalities you guys noticed, um, in, in those, uh, in the six that you, you were sitting with.

Anne Wagner

Uh yes. I mean, one thing that I think was very interesting as someone who does a lot of trauma therapy with folks outside of a MDMA work is just how consistently people would go into their trauma memories and recount the experiences unprompted with MDMA. And so that was fascinating and I’d heard that that had been the case, uh, with the other studies, but that it, like clockwork would happen every time. And um, you know, it was no priming no asking people to go into the memory. We don’t even actually require that at all if people in CBCT to actively go over the memory. But it happened for everyone.

Thal

It’s like they went through the files of…yeah, amazing.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. That analogy is used a lot actually like putting files in a row and you know, I had that experience myself of like checking in. It’s like checking all the files and then other people with PTSD when they’re going through this you know, checking through the files, the memories. And so then the role of the therapist, um, is really the major role is pre and post the experience. Like during the experience of course you’re holding the space for the, for the clients, but it’s, it’s, it seems like from what you’re saying that it’s like, um, self guided in a way. Yeah. The MDMA session itself, we’re definitely there to hold space and to help when people are stuck. And so I think that piece is also very important. Um, and you know, sometimes when we think about like being non directive, in fact there’s moments where we’re actively working with folks in session to help the experience or if people are feeling particularly stuck in a thought or a memory we’re there to help them work through that and you know, gently, you know, be socratically questioning, you’re asking different things or exploring. But the massive chunk of that work is before and after.

Adrian

So what happened after the first session? What’s the next stage in the protocol of the study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so they’d gone through equivalent to five sessions of CBCT before and then they had the MDMA session and then the next morning we would talk about experience, integrate it a bit and set them up with out-of-session work for the following week. And then they would do the equivalent of four sessions of CBCT. In this case we did it over video, um, simply pragmatically, cause we’d all didn’t live in the same place. And then they came back together about three weeks later, I had another day where they did two sessions of CBCT and then they had a second MDMA session. Integrated that and then finished out the protocol, which was four more sessions of CBCT. So they received MDMA twice this whole thing. Yeah. It took about two months to get through everything.

Adrian

What were the results? Sort of dying to hear the summary of the findings.

Anne Wagner

So they are not published yet, but I can let you know. So we actually published a case study last week. Um, so that has the first results are out in the world.

Adrian

Congrats.

Anne Wagner

Thank you. Very exciting. It’s in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, so that’s good. Um, so yeah, overall the results were very strong. We had really good results for PTSD, both from the report of the person with PTSD, so their self report as well as the clinician rated report. And so that’s an independent rater. So not the people who treat them, it’s from someone who doesn’t know where they are in treatment and whatnot. And they also, we saw significant improvements in relationship satisfaction as well. And that was really interesting because not all the couples were distressed coming in. And I think that’s important because a lot of the time, you know, we think about actually how PTSD lives in relationships. People have to make sense of it and therefore, oftentimes they accommodate the other person as we all do in our lives. We accommodate the people we love. So it’s, you know, you’re trying to make it okay and especially when something’s not okay in a system, it creates a very difficult system. But that works for some people. And so that can be a challenge sometimes when things change, the system disrupts because everything’s been, you know, trying to hold tight to keep it together. So the fact that we saw improvement for folks who even already we’re starting okay. Which meant there might’ve been some accommodation was really interesting. Yeah. So more to come.

Thal

So it’s not really couples therapy, it’s, it was, it’s conjoined therapy, but um, that the, you know, the couple’s therapy is like that bonus part that came.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean the way we structure it, I mean it really, it is a couples therapy. Yeah. It could be any version of couple that you think of. Um, but the idea is the relationship is actually the client in CBCT. So it’s not the person with PTSD, it’s not the partner. It’s the couple or the relationship. And having that be the focus is really useful. So that one person doesn’t feel like the other person is their other therapist or that they’re responsible for the person, they’re doing it together.

Adrian

Are you, are you able to share any of the self reports by the subjects, um, things that they shared with you, whether it’s during the study or afterwards that you might want to share with listeners?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, I mean, people spontaneously had really incredible, you know, things that they wanted to say or share. And, um, I’m, you know, feeling like they’d gotten their lives back or that they felt renewed hope for the future. And, um, you know, in the session itself, you know, I had people say that, you know, this is really, it felt like they had gotten their marriage back or that they now have a sense of feeling connected. Um, I got an email a few months ago, which marked like a year since one of the couples had started the study and it was just a reach out of gratitude and thanks. And reporting that they felt like they had a completely different life and they were very grateful and that they just thought it was all really cool. So that was a really neat thing to receive.

Thal

It’s amazing. How rigorous was it for you like to go through the daily experience of going through the study and, yeah.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. It’s a labor of love doing the clinical trial, that’s for sure.

Thal

I can imagine.

Anne Wagner

It’s, you really have to want to do it. And, uh, I remember, you know, Candice once told me, this is not for the faint of heart. I’m like, no, it was very, very true. It’s a lot of details and a lot of planning. Um, it a ton of work for a little bit of data, but it’s in my mind, so worth it. And you know, the days when you sit in the sessions with folks, um, and you see them change right there in front of you and you were like, wow, this idea we had, I think it’s working like this. That’s unreal. Um, that feels, that feels pretty cool. And, uh, so yeah, it’s, it’s, I found working on this particular study to be incredibly inspiring and so that certainly helps drive all the rest of the work and is now shaped what I’m doing going forward,

Adrian

If I remember correctly, most of the subjects, if not all, had improvements in their symptoms of PTSD. How, how did they do afterwards? Post study? What was the timeframe for the follow up and checking in on them?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so the vast majority, well, I mean, there’s only six couples. The majority, not everyone, uh, a resolution their PTSD, but most did and those gains were maintained through six month follow-up. So that’s the, the most, the furthest data we have. Yeah.

Adrian

That’s really cool. Yeah. I mean, one of the things that we often hear a lot in psychedelic research and, and, and, um, just discourses the integration after these experiences. Can you share any wisdom that you might have gained from this study about how to better integrate or, or to tie back to their daily lives?

Anne Wagner

For sure. I think a big piece is that integration isn’t just like your next session with your therapist. Integration happens over time as you begin to put the lessons you’ve learned into action and it might shape your approach to something or how you feel in general. Or you might have an echo of it, you know, a year later and go like, oh, yeah, so it’s, it’s being open to that being the case, I think is the key thing with integration as you go forward. And we certainly saw that, you know, in some cases we saw people continue to make gains over the six months afterwards. And that for us was really interesting because that means that they’re still learning and growing. And that is ideal because you’re basically setting people up for a new baseline, a new place to start from. And that happens often when people find success with treatment without MDMA. Um, but it was particularly highlighted for me when the use of a psychedelic or entactogen.

Thal

I’m thinking about a psychotherapist listening to this wondering when will legalization happened. When can I start training?

Anne Wagner

It’s a good question. Um, so what is looking like right now? So all of the movement to have MDMA legalize as a treatment for PTSD? It’s, it started in the US because that’s where all of the studies have happened so far. It’s looking, we’re hopeful that it will be within the next few years that it will be legal. Because right now there’s a phase three study, which is a drug development study happening in multiple different sites across North America, uh, sponsored by MAPS. And they at that point they will, after phase three, it’s possible that MDMA will get the indication to be a treatment for PTSD. So that’s the doorway to it being legal. Um, and so the hope is we would quickly follow suit in Canada using the evidence for the US. So, I mean my fingers are crossed that it’s going to be within the next few years. Um, there is also in the states there’s something called Expanded Access where when things are demonstrating strong effect and people are at risk for death, that you can potentially be using um, a medication that’s still being investigated for specific cases to be used. So, uh, the training that’s happening right now for folks to become MDMA assisted psychotherapist is for this idea of Expanded Access or those of us who are studying it you doing through the research. Um, so that, I mean, could be as soon as later this year we’re expanded access could be available in some places, uh, in Canada. We’ve different regulations around that. So it may not be as straight forward, um, but potentially could still be a possibility. And then of course, I mean the psilocybin work is another area where, um, you know, we’re seeing fast movement in terms of potentially there being indications for treatment-resistant depression and other things. So that might be another area where we might be seeing the potential legal use of psychedelics and treatment.

Adrian

Yeah. I know everyone’s got their fingers crossed, right? It’s like, it’s, you know, it seems like this is the opportunity but also not to mess it up. And so it definitely, you know, important that this time around this renaissance that’s happening is to do it properly so that it is sustained.

Anne Wagner

Exactly. It’s extremely important that we don’t squander this opportunity over here. Uh, this, there has been so much work that has gone to this place and so many have been paving the way for this to be the case. And, um, I’m very conscious of just how measured we need to be and just how careful and thoughtful around all of this use.

Adrian

Can you talk about the other studies so that with the CPT plus MDMA that is.. Is it currently underway?

Anne Wagner

It’s in development right now. So I’m just finishing the protocol for it. Uh, so our hope is that we’ll be recruiting in the fall for that study, but that’s pending a bunch of different approvals that need to go through. Um, so that study design is very similar to the couple’s study. Um, it’s going to be, but it’s an individual treatment and using CPT. So cognitive processing therapy, which is one of the most widely used and most widely researched and has some of the strongest evidence for the treatment of PTSD. And it’s usually 12 sessions. And so right now we’re just, you know, we’re finding exactly where we’re going to place the two MDMA sessions within the protocol. Um, but it will likely have a similar structure in terms of having a masked dosing of treatment before the first time. Do you may session spread out over three weeks, second MDMA and then finish it out. And this time, not over video cause we’ll do it here in person.

Adrian

How is, um, how’s the recruitment for that? So how do people, uh, if they’re interested in joining the study or being a participant, how does that happen? How does that work?

Anne Wagner

So right now we’re not, we don’t have open recruitment since the study isn’t approved yet. Um, but if people are interested in it, uh, if it will be for PTSD. So it is specifically for PTSD and people don’t have to already have a diagnosis of PTSD because it will end up, you know, they will have to go through assessment through the study. Um, but they can always contact us at Remedy and, we have a contact us button on our homepage and can be added to a list to learn more. And so that would, uh, it doesn’t guarantee anything, but it just would allow folks to get updates as to, for example, when the study is starting to recruit or updates along the way as we get going.

Thal

Awesome. So maybe, um, then talk to us about Remedy?

Anne Wagner

Sure. Okay. So Remedy, um, it’s where we’re sitting right now. So Remedy is a center for mental health, innovation in Toronto. And, uh, the idea behind remedy was to have a home where research and practice really live together. And the idea that we want to be continually open to growth and exploration as clinicians, as researchers, as people who are working in mental health. And that includes our own growth as well as the growth of the field. Um, so the idea here at Remedy is everyone who’s involved as invested in the idea of innovating mental health. And that can be in a whole host of different ways. So, uh, for example, one of the ways we do that is going to be through MDMA research here. Uh, but also we have folks who are innovating how we manage a practice, how, um, you know, we run trauma-informed Yoga, how we do care for folks that’s integrating different types of treatments together. We have all kinds of different things. Someone is going to be writing, you know, pop psychology book based on evidence. So it’s innovating how we think about an access, mental health and, and thinking about it in a broader way so that we don’t feel stuck or stymied in how we do that. So we offer a clinical services, but also we do research here and we collaborate with different likeminded group to create a community who are all with the same vision.

Adrian

I imagine it’s part of the vision, um, to consider post legalization and what that might look like. Can you share a little bit about your vision for once it’s legal, what the clinic might look like and how it’s offered to the public?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, absolutely. So my vision for that will be, we’ll have basically two tracks. We’ll have our research stream, which will be running and testing interventions, uh, which you know, is where my love is there and that I’m also a clinician and I want to be able to offer this in terms of people being able to come in and receive MDMA psychotherapy for PTSD in the practice here. So it will be either people can participate through research or through being able to come in. And you know, have that treatment. So, uh, yeah, we’ll be set up here to be able to offer that given that war already going to be set up to run the research. And so we’ll be ready and opening our doors to that the minute it’s legal. So yeah, we’ve got a team here who, uh, actually I just took a team down to Asheville, North Carolina for the most recent MDMA therapist training and so we’ve got a team who are raring to go.

Thal

That’s awesome.

Adrian

I’m just imagining if, if you had infinite funding and resources from a, from a research side, what would excite you as far as future research studies that you might want to explore and go into?

Anne Wagner

I’ve already designed my next big one. So it would be a randomized controlled trial for the couples study. So it would be, um, CBCT plus MDMA in one condition and then with a placebo control and the other maybe a crossover design at the end. So, but that would be the, we really need to test it out with more people and more diverse sample. I think that was a massive thing is, you know, in the pilot study it was heterosexual Caucasian folks in that sample. And that is not representative of …

Adrian

The globe.

Anne Wagner

The globe. We are here in Toronto. And um, you know, I think particularly, I’ve done a lot of community work in queer communities here and I think, you know, expanding especially what that looks like in terms of our, you know, constellations of folks participating in the treatment and as well as the therapists that they, we have, uh, we’re really excited about what that’s gonna look like. And when we test it on a bigger scale, like what’s it gonna look like for everybody.

Thal

Yeah. It’s going to look very different. Hopefully it’s going to be legal very soon. It’s going to look different when it’s, you know, out there and different people are accessing it.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Thal

Can’t wait. Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. We’re super stoked for your work. I mean, you’re right in the trenches, so it’s, it’s a real honour actually. Yeah. To be, to be in your space and to get a glimpse of the journey so far.

Anne Wagner

Aww thank you.

Thal

Any more questions? Feel pretty good there. Yeah. Is there anything that you’d like to add, something that you have not been able to share in other lectures or other interviews?

Anne Wagner

Um, that’s a great question. I think, you know, it’s a really exciting time for this work. Um, I think it’s the, the possibilities for growth and exploration are also huge when it comes to psychedelics and entactogens and I don’t want to lose sight of that. And I think oftentimes when we are focusing so much on the clinical work and the clinical indications, that sometimes feels like maybe gets pushed to the side when, you know, there’s so many cultures around the world who’ve used psychedelics as forms of ritual, as forms of growth and learning and healing that, um, you know, this is not new. This is not new at all. I want to honor that.

Thal

In fact it’s ancient.

Anne Wagner

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. Just so happens that we’re conceptualizing, it’s used right now with how we understand this particular version of how we present …

Thal

And in our modern context, which is fine.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I think I want to make sure we know that, that this, you know, while it feels “cutting edge” it is completely ancient. And this, we’re not, uh, coming up with new ideas particularly, but, uh, but really honored also to bring it forward into the here and now. So there’s that piece. Um, yeah, I think that’s a biggie. That’s on my mind.

Thal

Yes. And, uh, hopefully that will, you know, um, rev revolutionize mental health, which is, you know, the thing, you know, coming up now.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And I think we have so much possibility there. You know, I do think we’re at a time where folks are far more reflective about their own internal world and the possibilities for that and that this might be one tool to really assist in that.

Adrian

I guess just one final thing to a, I’m reminded of, um, the way Michael Pollan shared just the excitement beyond the pathological use or, you know, addressing pathological, um, experiences and just for the betterment of, well-people, I think it was the way that he was putting it and I think yeah, starting to redefine mental healthy on sort of the, the sort of, the highly stigmatized, um, cultural perspectives that we have.

Anne Wagner

For sure. Yeah. I have hope that one day we’ll be able to offer, um, you know, MDMA assisted psychotherapy for couples, right? Just not because there’s PTSD, but because you know, people want to explore and grow together and understand the relationships and their dynamics or for individuals and you know, still thoughtfully and with precaution and all the good context of set and setting and a good container. But the idea that that would be a tool would be lovely.

Adrian

Thank you so much for your time today.

Anne Wagner

Thanks so much.

Thal

Thank you.

#4: Power of Deep Breathing with Hannes Bend

In this episode, we hang out with Hannes Bend (@hannesbend) and learn how to alter our body chemistry using powerful breathing techniques. He shares with us how yoga, meditation, and breathwork have helped him heal from decades of depression linked to his birth trauma. Hannes teaches breathing, mindfulness, and yoga and has trained personally with “The Iceman” Wim Hof and Tibetan meditation healer Drukmo Gyal. He has also contributed to neuroscientific research on meditation and breathing with Michael Posner (University of Oregon) and Ray Lee (Princeton University). His latest creative project, breathing.ai, is patented software that adapts the colours and fonts on a screen to match the user’s calmest physiological state.

We begin the episode with 15-minute guided deep breathing exercise led by Hannes.

Enjoy and breathe deeply!

Highlights:

  • 15 minute Guided Deep Breathing Exercise
  • Breathwork for Anxiety and Depression
  • Wim Hof Method
  • Neuroscience of Meditation
  • Virtual Reality and Biofeedback for Wellness
  • Empowering Kids to Self-regulate with Breathing
  • Personalizing Screens Using AI and Biodata

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Week’s Episode

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hannes

Guided Deep Breathing (15 min)

Adrian

Is it okay if we do a bit of sharing? Maybe? I’m curious to also hear what Thal experience there and I’d love to share some of my experiences.

Hannes Read More

#2: Sacred Sexuality with Monica Kovacs

In this episode, we explore the intersection of sexuality and spirituality with Somatic Sex Educator Monica Kovacs (@integrativesexcoach).  Monica’s work is heavily influenced by Eastern wisdom traditions including Tantra, yoga, Taoism and various shamanic roots. From the Western side, she draws from the teachings of depth psychology, eco-spirituality, and the pioneering works of bodywork teachers such as Peter Levine, Bessel Van der Kolk, Joseph Kramer, and Caffyn Jesse. We also delve a little bit into Monica’s personal journey. She believes that bodywork is linked to spirituality and that we can access profound healing power through our bodies. Her work is trauma based and client-centred. Her mission is to hold space for clients and offer them tools that cultivate the foundation for a more vibrant life, one that embraces joy and authenticity – a soulful living.

Highlights:

  • Embodied Spirituality
  • Tantra Sex
  • Somatic Sexual Education
  • Failure of Sex Education
  • Learned Anxiety during Sex
  • Mindful Masturbation
  • Sexuality and Creativity

Resources:

Listen:

Monica welcomes inquiries by email at integrativesexcoach@gmail.com

Original Poem by Thal, Inspired by This Episode

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Adrian

Monica, welcome to the show.

Monica

Thank you. It’s great to be here.

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