Leadership

#22: Technologies That Serve Humanity with Andrew Dunn

“The real problem of humanity is the following: we have paleolithic emotions; medieval institutions; and god-like technology. And it is terrifically dangerous, and it is now approaching a point of crisis overall.”

E.O. Wilson

The notion of digital wellness might sound like a contradiction to some people. However, many tech activists are consciously working on redefining our relationship with technology. We have all figured out by now that we cannot do away with our digital life, but we may be able to revivify the use of technology as a tool to serve humanity rather than the other way around. 

On this episode, we explore the intersection of technology and wellness with tech entrepreneur Andrew Dunn (@aandrewdunn). Andrew is part of a growing community of tech leaders who are on a mission to reverse human downgrading by redesigning technology to support our wellbeing. Andrew is the CEO of Siempo, the first healthy smartphone interface. In 2018, he accidentally started three conscious communities: Digital Wellness Warriors for professionals in the burgeoning industry, Conscious Angels to connect visionary investors with transformative people and projects, and Wharton Wisdom to bring together alumni interested in personal growth and integrating that with their work in the world.

Highlights:

  • Technology and Mental Health
  • Metamodernism
  • Plugging In to Team Humanity

Resources:

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Full Transcript

Adrian

Andrew, welcome to the show.

Andrew Dunn

Thank you. I’m thrilled to be here.

Thal

Nice. Thank you for agreeing to come on. I think a place to start from is, um, we’d actually like to hear about your own personal spiritual journey.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah, absolutely. What’s great is that it’s only 11:00 AM and this is not the first time I’ve shared that this morning.

Thal

Wow.

Andrew Dunn

Um, I like to start just locating myself. Growing up in affluent suburban New York in the 90s. A lot of pressure of expectation, lot of abundance and opportunities and also scarcity and molding towards a certain definition of success. So studied business in Undergrad was kind of in the fast life. Having some existential questions like what’s this all about? Gravitate towards a little bit towards stuff about like UFOs and aliens and philosophy, but never, never diving into seriously. And then when I was 23, kind of burnt out working at a startup in New York, a friend invited me to work with him on a business in India and I had no spiritual motivations. I just kind of needed to get out of New York City. And so I moved to India and a few weeks in I took some time to travel by myself and that was my first solo travel experience and I’ll never forget the Friday night I was by myself in a hostel room with nothing but a notebook and this book I bought at the airport and no Wifi maybe for the first time in a decade. And it was just this cosmic pause where everything stopped and I looked at my hands and I’m just like, who am I? Like what have I been doing? All that go, go, go, jumping through hoops, trying to be someone else. It just came to a stop and I finally had space and time to really reflect and think about how I was showing up and open to new ideas and experiences and I was high on life like that for a few days. It was, it was really magical. And the main thing that coming back to was this relationship with technology, with my phone, with social media. I, I guess I got my first phone in middle school, Facebook in high school dating apps in late college. And I was really hooked on smart phones and social media in a way that was getting in the way of all aspects of my life. And like watering down my potential and no one was really talking about it at the time. I would get made fun of by people in my fraternity. Cause you know, that’s what you do when you’re in a fraternity and people aren’t really nice. But um, yeah, I just didn’t really know like how I would improve my habits around tech. There weren’t many tools, if any. And so after that experience in India, I really started thinking critically and from an entrepreneurship lens, like how can I help other people with this massive problem that I’m seeing all over the developing world in addition to the developed world seems like one of the things that is causing a lot of societal level challenges in addition to individual challenges. And that is really dovetailed nicely with my personal journey because being in this wellness, wisdom, transformative tech consciousness tech space, has given me permission to really focus on inner work and on improving how I show up in the world. And so I’ve just gravitated towards the bay area towards mindfulness and body work and energy healing and festivals and you know, all those different consciousness expanding communities and technologies that we’re so lucky to have access to. And that really feeds my professional work, which feeds my personal work and this beautiful way. So I’m really grateful to live in a time and a place where, where I can be exposed to these different ways of knowing and I can integrate them into the thing I’m working on, which is trying to help people really with the same thing I went through and my kind of my grand hope is that digital wellness can be this incredible on ramp into that wellness wisdom world for, for billions of people in the same way that a lot of the meditation apps are trying to, you know, hook people with meditation and then help them with sleep and habits and mental health and all these other psychological support and growth activities, which really I think are like the defining challenges in industries of our century.

Adrian

That’s really cool. I, so I’m really curious like the trip in India, it sounded like there was a, um, a pretty significant awakening that was happening if, you know, if you would go as far as, you know, sort of describing it that way. Um, what were some experiences following that that helped you integrate those steps back into the bay area and getting into technology where there’s some, um, I guess some stages in between?

Thal

Encounters or stories?

Andrew Dunn

I kind of went right back into it. I joined one of these fast growing unicorn startups and I spent a lot of time in nature during my free time, a lot of time exploring. Um, I was exploring sexuality and eventually gender, um, during those years in the bay area. And so coming into a lot of interactions with people whose stories were very different from mine. And yeah, everything just kind of compounded. At some point I was like investing in myself is probably the best thing I can do. So I’m going to keep doing it. I’m going to keep opening to these new experiences and new people. I recently moved into a community living house. It’s a justice oriented Jewish, queer friendly community living house in Oakland. Like all of those things are new experiences for me and we don’t really talk about tech in the house at all. Um, so yeah, just such a diversity of experience. I think that’s, that’s a core part of what I’m trusting right now with that opening myself to diverse experiences will allow me to weave the right connections to decide what goes into this organization and product that I’m working on.

Thal

And that’s such a contrast, you know, to embrace the experiences outside of the, you know, like technologies and experience but human experiences outside of like tech world and the screen and is a whole different ballgame.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. It never ceases to amaze me that when I step away from the screens doing the work, that’s when the clarity and creativity and joy emerges every time, whether it’s five minutes or five days.

Thal

Hmm. Yeah.

Adrian

Can you, can you share with us the inspiration to start Siempo, sort of the origin story and perhaps maybe take us through the evolution to where you’re at today and what the vision that you currently have with some of these projects that you’re involved with.

Andrew Dunn

Yes. I didn’t start Siempo. It was started by some incredible folks in Chicago about four years ago now. And they had this vision of creating a mindful phone, a device, hardware and software that aligns with our humanity and helps us be more intentional and less distracted. And I left that Unicorn Tech Company about three years ago and I was kind of like, that’s it. I’m not working for another company that’s not nourishing my soul or serving the whole in some form. What matters to me? And I kept coming back to this relationship with tech thing and I’ve been kicking around this idea for a better way to get down little nuggets of wisdom that I would pick up as I was doing all the things that weren’t screens or work or doing right? Like if I was in nature or meditating or at a festival or um, you know, just like those places where the creativity and clarity comes through. I wanted an easy way to get those notes down cause I had this mental model of if by, if I take it down as a note, I’ll come back to it. I’ll organize it and eventually it’ll manifest or the dots will connect in some way. So I was trying to create a transcription ring so I could easily do that without having my phone on me, taking out my phone and unlocking it. It’s going to the notes APP, Yada Yada, getting sidetracked from the way on the way out and like completely getting out of the moments. And so I pitched that idea at the hardware meetup almost three years ago and one of the original Siempo founders was also pitching Siempo. And our stories sounded so similar and at the time there were very few people talking about this. Tristan Harris was maybe the only other person I had really seen chirping about it. And so me and Andreas kind of looked at each other and it was this love at first sight thing. So we started talking and wound up doing some contract work for them because I was still focused on, um, the ring. And then eventually I was more inspired by what they were doing. So I joined fall of 2016 and spring of 2017 we launched the Kickstarter campaign for the hardware project and we got a lot of buzz. Um, but we didn’t meet our goal and we learned a lot. Learned that the switching costs are super high for people to try the first version of something that doesn’t exist and no one’s tried. Learned that everyone’s preferences are so unique when it comes to their phone. And so we were trying to make some decisions about what would and would not be allowed on the phone. And that was, it was perfect for some, but it was too much or too little for a lot of other people. And it was overwhelming feedback that hey, I’m not gonna buy this new thing, but I will pay for a software version of this. Can I just do that? It looks like you sort of built it already. And so that was kind of a clear pivot for us. Okay. Yeah. Software we can reach a lot, a lot more people a lot faster and iterate faster. And so we pivoted to this Android launcher products. Android allows developers, so many degrees of freedom to get creative. We can mess with the notification tray, we can paint pixels over apps. We can just change the entire look and feel of the phone and it’s really bonkers that no one has done this before. Obviously the smart phone is such a problem. How has no one redesigned it for self care and mental health and wellbeing? And I think the only reason that we were the ones to be the first to do that was because we started from a, “hey, let’s let’s reimagine this whole thing, like a whole phone operating system” versus a lot of what has been out there and he’s a really good products, but many are focused on these smaller point solutions like tracking time or helping you set boundaries from apps like Facebook. So with with this software path, we were able to create a complete solution that meets people where they’re at and doesn’t require all these micro decisions throughout the day to get value out of this. It’s kind of like you download it once and it’s this like digital medicine where all of a sudden your whole digital world is reoriented towards intention and focus and connection. And then, um, I mean like some of the feedback saying like, people thank us for saving their life. You’re giving them their life back for more hours a day with their kids and the product’s got a lot. It’s got a lot of room to improve. We basically built all just new to the world step and did it on a budget and did it in a, uh, you know, it’s a very emerging market category. So it’s been challenging to find people to finance this and to um, to help us move forward. But one of the big things we did in the fall was we transitioned to an open source project because we sensed that there are so many heart-centered developers, designers, people who are just done working for some, you know, B2B 5% user experience improvement, um, that you know, raises a ton of money and burns people out in the process. Like they want to do something that’s actually helping the world. And, and also that there’s lots of people who are interested in this humane tech movement, but there aren’t really products the plugin to. So with the open source projects, we have been recruiting some volunteers from these big tech companies to help us explore what, what does a smart phone interface that supports mental health and wellbeing look like? What should the home screen of the planet say? How can we honor our Paleolithic emotions and bring out our human brilliance? And so yeah, it’s a, it’s a cool opportunity, cool time for us right now. I think the timing is better than it was a couple of years ago. Um, people are starting to wake up to this and look for solutions and I think we’re a pretty good one.

Thal

Hmm. Awesome.

Adrian

That’s amazing. Yeah. I just, uh, I just watched the presentation earlier this week, um, for today, Humane Tech Center for Technology. I forget the actual title and it was really cool to kind of see that this is happening, you know, and also a reminder that some of the toxicity from these devices were not intentional. Like I think it was a really good reminder that it wasn’t created by just bad people or bad humans. It was just a byproduct of, you know, goals that were not aligned with, with human wellness. And, and certainly we can, you know, correct course. And I think that was, that was sort of the sense I got was that very sort of optimistic. There’s, you know, solution oriented discussions happening. Um, yeah. At a personal level, I’m curious your personal thoughts on that and how, you know, what’s sort of the next big things that we can expect to see happening within the design world, the tech world. What do you think is coming in the horizon?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. The Center for Humane Technology is really doing incredible work. And I’m reminded of this Paul Virilio quote that “when you invent the ship, you also invent the shipwreck” and another quote that there’s lots of decent people upholding indecent systems. And I think the reality is that, uh, like this is just one giant learning experience. I don’t think many people have the foresight to consider the longterm consequences to things that we’re creating and to really develop a strong sense of, of human nature and integrate that into the design process because we hadn’t had a ship wreck before, frankly, and now we have a big one. And so we’re collectively learning and it’s an opportunity for us to take one of two routes. We can unconsciously go business as usual, extractive attention economy, um, or we can bring awareness to what’s happening and adjust. And so that’s really what, what the Center of Humane Technology is doing. They’re pulling all the different levers. Whether it’s policy or galvanizing this decision makers at these companies are supporting companies like Siempo that are, um, building the future. There’s also, I was at the talk and, um, uh, Tristan came back to this E.O. Wilson quote a couple of times that the real problem of humanity is the following. The real problem of humanity is that we have paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions and godlike technology. So Tristan says we need to embrace those Paleolithic emotions, upgrade our medieval institutions, and cultivate the wisdom to wield that God-like technology. And so it’s such a cool civilizational moment where we got to work on this too, to reverse what he calls human downgrading and, uh, design ergonomically to wrap around our human needs. And Yeah, I think I’m still still sitting with the experience from, um, from Tuesday. There were so many amazing people in that room. And we’ve always looked to Tristan and center pretty main tech for, for inspiration because frankly they, they think about this most deeply and they have been doing it for the longest and they’re really bright and they have really wonderful intentions and experts in their orbit. So when we’re creating products or making decisions, we, you know, we draw inspiration from a lot of places, but we definitely, we definitely, um, prioritize what’s coming from Tristan and now we’re exploring this relationship together because I mentioned they have a lot of interests from professionals and, um, we are a platform that people can start prototyping some of these solutions on.

Thal

Okay. So a question that comes up for me is, um, you know, someone that’s from the older generation like listening to us speak, what would like, you know, they come in, they’re like, can we really align technology with our humanity? How would you answer that question? Or like what are your thoughts around that?

Adrian

Maybe it’s like, around any sort of skepticisms. Anybody with a sort of pessimistic attitude towards technology as inherently evil or it’s like, yeah, it’s not humane. How do you normally interact with that?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. I think the point that Tristan wanting to drive is that we need to cultivate a stronger understanding about how individuals and social groups work. And so he proposed this full stack, socio-ergonomic model of human nature. Everything from the individual level, our physiology, like are we breathing when we check our email and the emotions and attention and cognition sensemaking all the way up to the decision making, social reasoning, group dynamics, social environments. And if we have that model, then we can better diagnose problems. And if we’re cohering a lot of the experts and all these different disciplines to set standards that then a product or design team at Youtube can reference and can, um, connect with, uh, those domain experts on when deciding, hey, how should we design this new thing that 2 billion people are going to be using? And it’s going to be shaping their consciousness. Like every one of these companies for the most part, agrees that yeah, things need to improve. And it’s really cool to talk to people at companies like Facebook where Facebook had it rougher than some of the other ones last couple of years. What I’m sensing is a strong sense of camaraderie. Like it’s not, it’s not so much shame or embarrassment, it’s, it’s like, wow, like what an incredible challenge and we’re in an interesting time to be here. Like, I’m in it. I’m really excited about how we can learn from what has happened and integrate that to make something better and, and learn from the processes that we try to do that so that we can just keep getting smarter about learning and growing and learning and growing. So I have, I have reason to be hopeful. I think the money question is always the biggest question mark and would have been cool to hear a bit more about that during the presentation. Because that’s one of our questions since the dawn of time. It’s how do you shift these business models from extractive, all about optimizing for engagement and attention to what’s most life giving and like instead of a race to the bottom of the brainstem, what’s the race to the top where all these companies are starting to compete on who can add the most value to someone’s life? Who can improve someone’s mood the most? Who can be the most trusted? And I think it’s a process. It’s not going to happen overnight. It’s easier for a new entrant like us to learn from those pitfalls and draw a line in the sand and say, we’re all about this and really show it. And I think that’s something that’s going to serve us well as we go. It already has, like we’ve built a reputation as a high integrity Silicon Valley Tech Company, which is rare. Uh, but yeah, you know, things take time. I think that’s one big lesson I take away from the last few years because I have these bursts of insight and vision and I raced to make it happen in the world and time and again, I realized that these things take time and that’s okay. And I don’t have to act on every idea I have. And I mean that’s one of the things I reckon with because I feel such a call to step up as a leader in this movement and really step into the biggest expression of who I can be and what Siempo can be. And then I also, I’m trying to cultivate a self care lifestyle where I’m finding rest and joy and doing things that bring me connection and peace. And so yeah, how does one do that if they’re a silicon valley entrepreneur trying to work on a very urgent problem because we have eight to 12 years left of stable society and if only we can just shift people from, you know, games and dating towards plugging into climate activism then like everything would be perfect. [laughing]. So it’s all, it all comes back to balance for me and that’s, that’s the thing I get to wake up everyday and work on what’s what’s balance today?

Adrian

Yeah. I’m being inspired by actually one of the articles I read that you wrote on medium about humane business and there was a quote in there I think by the Dalai Lama and he says, the planet does not need any more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds. Can you, can you share a little bit about what you mean by “humane business” and how you’re practicing it through, um, through your projects?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. Thanks for reminding me about that piece. So much has happened since I’ve published that about a year ago, but it was an attempt to shine a light on all the things that have been inspiring to me. All the business model movements and cultural movements and people and acts that were giving me, they were helping me feel supported and creating in the ways that I want to and sustainable regenerative ways and I think a lot of my, my sense of purpose comes back to what communities and I connected with, what experiences have I had and so like where, where are the, the trim tabs, the acupuncture points that I can have the most impact with the smallest effort. So an example of that is two weeks ago I organized a alternative career panel for my alma mater because there’s all these business school kids who really struggle with the cutthroat environment and investment banks coming to recruit on campus in their sophomore year when these kids are 19 years old. And you know, that’s the, that’s the shiny candy and everyone wants it. And a lot of people’s self worth is tied to do if they got that internship. And um, I’m so inspired by that. There’s now organizations on campus wellness clubs, mental health clubs, there are fraternities at Dartmouth that have mindfulness chairs. How cool is that? It’s just like so simple and helps with so many problems, whether it’s sexual violence or, uh, stress and depression and toxic masculinity. It’s just like so simple. And, and so what does humane business mean? I think it’s something around serving the whole over just the needs of self. Something around [inaudible] because everything we create is an expression of our fears and biases. And I think it means coming back to, to human connection and building deep relationships with people that aren’t so transactional. I mean, that’s, that’s what’s so cool. Like I think one of my skills is networking or being a connector depending on how you want to call it. And it’s so cool that I love Facebook. Facebook allows me to connect with such interesting people around the world who can help me and I can help them. It’s like I think there’s a lot of people who are missing out on the amazing parts of Facebook. Like we can’t reduce anything to just good or evil. Facebook has some parts that are deleterious to the human experience and it has some parts that are completely amplifying to the human experience. And one of those is the ability to like ask a question or put your intention out there and get what you’re looking for and to connect with that person who has an identical vision with you halfway across the planet and it’s gonna make your day because they are, you know, they thought about this or they have that resource that they can share with you. So, yeah. Yeah. What’s your main business? I don’t know. I think it’s something I’m still exploring. I think it was also just an attempt like, uh, like ride the coattails of Center for Humane Technology and try to do some thought leadership.

Adrian

Yeah, no, I really appreciate that. I mean, you look at our project just even with this podcast is, um, largely is possible because of platforms like Facebook, right? That we can actually share this out there, um, at no cost and it can be, you know, duplicated and people like, you know, in some of the stats that we’re looking at, like people from like nations at can’t even imagine, never envisioned as part of the audience. Like they’re a part of it because it’s, you know, it’s hard to kind of bring that into my sort of local linear thinking brain to, to think in a global, large connected system. It’s just not intuitive. And so when we begin to start seeing the reach..

Thal

The potential.

Adrian

..and the possibility, it just, it gets really exciting.

Andrew Dunn

That’s so cool.

Thal

Speaking of which, um, are there any projects or people you’re particularly inspired by today?

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. Oh yeah. I think the biggest threat I’ve been following since I published that blog post was this, where did it start? Uh, maybe listening to this philosopher and neuroscientists, Daniel Schmachtenberger, systems thinker. Um, he’s part of this organization Neurohacker Collective, which makes this nootropic called Qualia. And there’s, there’s a great podcast attached to it and that led me to this new political party called One Nation that is grounded in this metamodernism philosophy, which I’ll talk about in a sec. And yeah, it’s all about win-win paradigm and healing and um, yeah, transcending the bipartisan gridlock that we have in this country and really creating a party that sees and hears people. And considers all perspectives and works towards planetary peace and rebirthing civilization, which sounds all really good. And I cried tears of joy watching their stuff. Um, that’s One Nation Party USA. And yeah, this meta-modernism in philosophy, ideology. There’s a great book called The Listening Society and it kind of highlights …. We have this modern world, postmodernism deconstructs everything that’s wrong with this world, but it doesn’t really offer a reconstruction. So what is that reconstruction where we get going? Like what’s the logical progression of, of this civilization that we have. And so it looks to the Nordic countries where they are doing lots of things to, um, care about the sick and children and environments. And they’re not saying screw capitalism. They’re kind of like integrating the best of postmodern and modern pre-modern, not excluding anybody and really trying to around psychological support and growth. Um, cause that’s not even being talked about in politics. And so even if like whatever side of the aisle you’re on, even if you get everything you want, we’re still gonna have millions, billions of people who are lonely, depressed without meaning. So Emma and I have been talking about that. So what is the society we really need to, um, to meet the demands of our century in this civilizational moment that we’re in. And I really appreciate there’s one little line about how the meta-modern aristocracy are hippies, hackers and hipsters, which I imagine might be a bunch of your audience or a bunch of your networks and, and how whereas financial capital has been, and the marker of success, it’s losing a lot of it’s or well, maybe other types of capital are becoming more relevant, like social capital, emotional capital, sexual capital, et cetera. And yeah, I mean that’s, that feels really confirming to me because I’ve instinctively gravitate towards some of the more, um, spiritual, esoteric, uh, subcultures. And that’s because I find a lot of meaning there, I find a lot of real connection and inspiration health and there’s like, not everyone in my world agrees with that. Uh, so, so hearing, hearing from an authority figure that that is not just some like deep trust hippie thing, but like, actually, no, this is hugely important. This is a huge industry. This is, this is critical to the surviving and thriving of our civilization. That just gives me so much meaning for what I get to wake up everyday and do. And even if it’s not Siempo, I mentioned before we recorded this that I wrote down like kind of a draft of a purpose statement because I’ve worked on a lot of different side projects over the last few years as I’ve been involved with Siempo. Not because I’m bored, but just because I’m, I don’t know, I, I can’t help it. Like these ideas come and I really like to initiate things. And so I was trying to reflect on how they all weave together. And so I attempted to do that a few months ago and it’s changed since then. But here it goes and I’ll put emphasis on some of the words that have either turned into projects or a significant explorations. So my purpose is to wake people up from the hypnosis of technology and privilege. To help them connect to their true nature and higher purpose so they can enlist in team humanity. For the benefit of all beings everywhere. So Siempo is about freeing up time and attention. Conscious Angels and waking up with family is about freeing up resources so that more people can take the leap to begin their personal journey towards their purpose. And then something about growing the world of services around human development and community that I’m tapped into such as a metamodern Grad school. Um, a couple other things that our friends projects, a Wharton Wisdom, that alumni thing I mentioned to do it anyway so that more people can plug into the team humanity so that we can create the beautiful world our hearts know as possible.

Adrian

Yeah, I love that. It’s, I just got chills because no joke this morning as I was journaling, one of the things I was kind of floating around this idea that it seems like a lot of my training currently in sort of the psychotherapeutic realms and my past, I’m thinking about my previous training in physical therapy and fitness. One thing and now starting to see a connection is it has something to do with freeing up energy so that other people can do more meaningful work. And so literally freeing up energy was like a major thing I was sort of thinking about this this morning and as you’re saying that, I just like my whole body just got a reaction there.

Andrew Dunn

Woah, let’s talk about that.

Adrian

Yeah, yeah. That’s kind of trippy. Yeah. But I mean there’s something about recognizing, yeah, that this modern meaning crisis is to a degree of privilege. There’s a degree of privilege that comes with enabling someone to actually experience the meaning crisis to be at a point in their life where they get to question oh is this occupation or career meaningful for me.

Thal

Because you’re no longer stuck at that survival level of consciousness.

Adrian

Exactly. Yeah. So I think that’s an important thing to highlight to a highlight is to remember, yeah, there’s an element of being privileged and as millennials, that’s another thing that was sort of a theme that was kind of coming up in the journaling was recognized we’re a unique generation and these are things that are, you know, sort of speeding up. But like you, like you mentioned earlier, there’s an opportunity too. This is a really cool time to be part of the change.

Thal

Post-modern thought kind of started to paved the way for us by deconstructing everything and breaking away all the hierarchies. It’s like, okay, let’s do it again. But, you know, consciousness and intentionality.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah, absolutely. Yes. All that. Yeah. Oh Man. So a bunch of things. Um, one of my friends, he’s a coach of mine, so something I spoke recently that like, like don’t be afraid of your privilege. Use it to help others who don’t have it or something like that. That really struck a chord with me. Unstuck energy. Yeah. I was thinking about something similar this morning too. Um, because I recently came into some abundance and I, you know, there’s the conventional wisdom to save and put that in mutual funds that invested in the whole basket of random stuff and you know, maybe you find some better socially conscious and you know, not drilling for oil but um, I also heard things over the last few years, I think I heard something and I, I forgive me if this is not so accurate but that um, in in the Islamic world and like 16th century, it was illegal to hoard money like if you had lots of resources that you had to keep moving them. And I think that might be still a component of Sharia law to some extent. I’ve also heard about communities that experiment with negative interest rates where like, you, you want to keep, like, you want to keep money moving because if you like, if you can hold that money as a form of energy, um, if it gets stuck then that’s when problems might arise. So like I came into some resources recently and I guess there’s like a whole bunch of questions on how I want to relate with that. And I haven’t really been doing anything super proactively. It’s kind of just spin as I’m moving through life if there’s an opportunity where a little bit can go a long way, uh, as, as a gift, as a donation or even like, there’s these crowd platforms where you can invest as little as a hundred dollars in the for profit companies. And it’s like, wow. Like, yeah, I want a, I want to send a vote of confidence that way. I think the resources that I have will, um, will be helpful and, and maybe I will make money in return. Maybe I’ll feel good in return. Maybe I’ll get connections in return. But it’s really not expecting anything. It’s just like the reasons why I had, you know, however many hundreds of thousands of dollars invested into me as a human being and someone else had zero or somewhere in between or more is kind of arbitrary. And we, you know, we have huge inequality problems that we need to address and I wonder if it’s going to take a critical mass of people with privilege, with, with, um, class privilege to start thinking differently about capital. And that was one of the things I mentioned in that purpose statement. I was having these hits of this Conscious Angels idea that was, I was so, I was like, maybe we can start an angel group, like a group of investors who want to fund transformative projects and people, but it was kind of more of like, Hey, I just want to, I just want to help. I guess I want to tell stories about how there’s all these different ways that we can support the people in our community and around us that are not just a donation or a for-profit investment, which is only really, um, if it’s exclusive to people with a certain income level. So yeah, I don’t know, just trying to figure out how can I serve because I have a lot to give and whether it’s time or money or skills or connections, it feels good to do that and it’s actually helping, so I want to keep doing it.

Thal

Amazing. Um, on that note, um, do you, I don’t know if you want to share with us what kind of spiritual practices that sort of sustain you on a daily basis so that you can come more and more from that abundant place.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah, I, well one spiritual practices as many days as I can. Um, during my morning routine, I’ll just take out a piece of paper and brainstorm or heart-storm on something. And so about a month ago I wrote that down…

Thal

Heart storm, I love that!

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. My friend Matthew Lazarus coined that and he’s actually visiting me right now, another conscious entrepreneur. Um, so I wrote down Spring Self Care and uh, like, I don’t know, I’m worried about it being perceived as just a whole list of things cause I don’t do all of these every day, but I usually do a handful that just intuitively feel right for me to do in that first hour of the day after waking up or throughout the day. Um, so journaling, dancing, playing music, drawing, watching the sunrise or sunset incense. There’s a garden right near my house. Gratitude, Metta, Yoga. I got these fun little things. I got the Leaf, it’s a wearable that tracks your heart rate and breathing and get us biofeedback when you’re like, when your stress levels are higher. I got this whistle, a whistle up. Okay. I should know the name of this brand, but what I’m wearing is a, it looks like a whistle and it’s a Japanese ritual around expanding your exhale to 10 seconds. So you breathe in and then you breathe out into this whistle for 10 seconds and do that a few times. And so it activates the parasympathetic nervous system.

Thal

What kind of sound does it make?

Andrew Dunn

It actually doesn’t make a sound.

Thal

Oh, okay.

Andrew Dunn

But it just looks like a whistle.

Thal

Oh, interesting.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. I got posted notes all over my room that prompts me to think about what I’m grateful for. Siempo has an intention on the home screen, so I’m reminded of that a hundred times a day. And I dunno, I just, I try not to over schedule so that I have space to do whatever feels like the most important thing to do. I try to say yes to connection to adventure. I try to educate myself. Oh, I was gonna mention this because when we’re talking about not everyone has the privilege to think about some of these things or you know, focus on inner work, there’s a, there’s a great coffee table book that’s showed up at her house a couple of weeks ago just called like Psychology. That’s, it’s a coffee table book, the hundred most important psychologists through history. And first of all, most are men. Second of all in the bio’s, it feels like 9 out of 10 that I’ve read so far were like, “so and so was the son of Duke, whoever”, or like a wealthy so and so and like had a storied career before they turned to academia. I’ve been reminded of that by, by others too. Um, so I guess there’s like two ways to look at it. Like you can, you can be shy about that or you can really embrace it and use it to share it with others.

Thal

Yeah. It also feels like technology kind of amplified the meaning crisis where even people who are, you know, whatever in survival state or, you know, worrying about just covering mortgage are also going through the big questions. It’s like there’s this, it’s just, it feels, it’s more amplified in a way. So yes, privilege, but also it’s a global phenomenon now. Um, you know, this meaning crisis or, you know, the big questions. Like it’s like a post postmodern state or whatever.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. It’s so fascinating. The track how automobiles, suburbanization social media polarization, like all these technologies and phenomenon have a further separate us from each other, from the land, from spirit, from, yeah. Just from everything and in that, in stories of assimilation and stories of, um, I guess rapid change where it’s harder for the previous generation to really communicate to the next generation these, these wisdom teachings. A lot of people have lost that the important connection. Sorry. Yeah. I don’t think it’s unique to just people with class privilege. I think it’s definitely something that a lot of people are asking.

Adrian

I want to ask you about, um, just along the lines of the spiritual journey, any recent struggles? How it might not have interfaced well with your day to day activities. Anything you can share on that front? Challenges?

Andrew Dunn

Hmm. I think there’s something around knowing my audience and meeting people where they’re at. I think I, I stumbled a little bit earlier on and still do sometimes with coming into contact with folks who don’t have the same awarenesses or who knew me as like a very different person and it’s really tempting to want to share all the exciting things that are happening in my life and some of that maybe projection, some of it maybe like my need to be seen. Um, and that can break connection with, with those folks. And so, I mean, this is something I’m learning as a person in the business world too like, you know, there’s a way to walk into an investor meeting dressed like I’m going to burning man or to trust, like, you know, I’m walking into an investor meeting and even if there’s investors go to burning man, that’s a funny thing. So yeah, it’s, and I think, so I’m, I’m reconnecting with Judaism more after about 20 years of really being disconnected from it. And this whole, uh, like struggle balancing worldliness and holiness is seemingly core to, uh, the Jewish tradition. And maybe we have different words for it, but actually I think that the meaning that is most resonant for me about the word Siempo, it was originally a Spanish play on siempre, “always” and tiempo, “time”. And always being mindful of the time we spend on things. And then last year I was just thinking about it and I was like, what does it mean today for me? And it was just like so clear that tiempo is time, technology, the mechanical, logical and masculine and siempre, always, that’s the intuitive, infinite, feminine. And where it’s about balancing those two energies, Yin and Yang, Shakti and Shiva, worldliness and holiness, heaven and heart, whatever you want to call it. And I’m embodying that and our organization and our product is all about helping people balance you know, being spiritual beings in the material world or however you want to phrase it.

Thal

Beautiful.

Adrian

Amazing. Thank you so much for your time today, Andrew.

Andrew Dunn

Oh, thank you both. It’s really fun to talk about these topics and yeah, I’d love to, um, be available to anyone who wants to learn more about any of the things I talked about. Is it okay if I share some resources?

Adrian

Yes, totally.

Andrew Dunn

Cool. Thanks. So yeah, email me at Andrew at Siempo dot CO. I’m on Twitter, Andrew Dunn, but with two A’s: @AANDREWDUNN. I hang out a lot on Facebook because it’s so good for my life. I spend a lot of time in New York and yeah, Siempo is on Android. You can search it in the play store. We’ll be on iOS at some point. And yeah, we have an open source project. So if you’re a designer, developer, data scientists, marketer, we’d love your support. We’re also hiring for a tech lead. Like, I think I’ve maxed out my requests.

Thal

We’re gonna. Yeah, we’re going to put those links too in the shownotes for sure.

Andrew Dunn

Yeah. Awesome.

Adrian

Yeah. It’s great to have you part of a team human.

Andrew Dunn

Cheers. Likewise. Thank you. We got this.

Thal

Thank you. Oh yeah, for sure.

#14: Spiritual Inclusion with El-Farouk Khaki

The concept of spiritual inclusion becomes an important lifeboat for minority individuals who struggle to reconcile their expressions of identity be it sexuality or gender with their religious beliefs. Not everyone wants to throw the baby with the bath water.  Today’s guest self-identifies as a spiritual activist and places spiritual inclusion at the forefront of his cause. 

On this episode, we are joined by El-Farouk Khaki, a refugee and immigration lawyer, public speaker and human rights activist. We explore the toxicity of dogma and how religion can be used as a form of spiritual violence. El-Farouk shares with us his vision for a more inclusive and tolerant Islam. In 1991, El-Farouk founded Salaam: Queer Muslim Community and in 2009, he co-founded the El-Tawhid Juma Circle, Toronto Unity Mosque. El-Farouk speaks publicly on issues including Islam, LGBTIQ and human rights, refugees, race, politics and HIV. He has served in diverse capacities in groups and boards including Africans in Partnership against AIDS, The 519, & the Canadian Ethnocultural Council. He has received numerous awards for his work in spiritual activism and social justice. He is currently working on his first book exploring issues of sexuality, social justice and spirituality.

Highlights:

  • Spiritual Abuse and Violence
  • The Need for more Inclusion and Tolerance in Contemporary Islam
  • Sufi Practices

Resources:

Listen:

An Original Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:                 

El Farouk, welcome to the show!

El Farouk:         

Thank you. Nice to be here.

Adrian:             

Actually, I wanted to ask you right off the bat is the meaning of your name and how to properly pronounce your name?

El Farouk:         

I pronounce, my name as El Farouk, but I think it’s proper pronunciation would be more like El Farook, and it comes from the Arabic word ‘furqan’ for criterion. El Farouk is the one who can tell right from wrong.

Adrian:             

It sounds like an appropriate name.

El Farouk:        

It is sometimes burdensome.

Thal:                 

Yeah, I hear you there when the name is like, you know, there is a lot of expectations.

El Farouk:         

Absolutely. It has forced me to always measure my actions or my omissions with this premise that I have this capacity or this ability to distinguish what I’m doing and whether it’s correct or incorrect or appropriate or inappropriate.

Thal:                 

We’d like to start maybe with your early experiences with spirituality and religion, maybe spiritual orientation and childhood, if any. Sort of…how did you end up doing what you’re doing?

El Farouk:         

My family is Muslim and Islam has always been a very important part of our identity as a marker and also as a practice. My family is of Indian origin, but we are from East Africa, so we are … and my family’s historical roots are as a small Shiite community. So we are a minority within a minority, within a minority. So I grew up, I was born and spent the first seven, eight years of my life in east Africa, which is predominantly black. The majority of the black folk were Muslim, are Sunni. So we’re at diasporic, immigrant origin and Brown, Muslim, but not even majority – a Shia minority, Shia community. Maybe at that time I didn’t quite didn’t understand that, but I think over the years we left when I was about eight years old and lived in England, and then moved to Canada and to Vancouver specifically.

 I grew up basically with very limited sort of Muslims around me. You know, if we would go to our places of worship there were Muslims there, but most of them kind of looked like me. My day to day life was really not connected to those people. I grew up with people of all skin colors, all racial backgrounds, and all religious backgrounds. When we first landed in Canada, we were in Toronto for 10 days, and the first religious celebration was at a syngogue. That’s the kind of background that I came from and my family was very open and inclusive when it came to diversity in terms of race and religion. One thing that was always present was this notion of a spirituality.

 That religion wasn’t just about ritual, but it was about spirituality, which I understand as connection and connectivity and often spirituality is understood as a connection between an individual and the divine or to a higher power. I think that for me, part of my evolution has been this notion of spirituality that actually connects you to other human beings and to the rest of creation. The tradition that I grew up in didn’t necessarily embrace that or integrate that. That has also been a fed by my politics, my anti-oppression work, as an activist, as a lawyer who represents refugees, people fleeing persecution. Most of the folks I represent are either queer folk or women fleeing some kind of gender or domestic violence kind of a situation. My notion of spirituality started to evolve that it needed to address all of these injustices. It wasn’t just simply enough just to feel connected to some higher or some divine power, but it had to be transformative. It had to be transformative for me, but it also, someone had to transform my relationship to the world around me. I often call myself the accidental activist because I didn’t often find spaces that I found wholesome like that embraced the fullness of who I was. I would walk into, I would be an activist circles, but they didn’t have the spirituality or you know, you’d walk into political circles and you know they talk the talk but they didn’t really understand intersectionality and so on and so forth. A lot of times, I was in these spaces and going, but there’s more, there’s more, there’s more. And so in 1991, I started Salaam here in Toronto.

Toronto was the first time that I met other Muslims or other people who were Muslim identified and who are also queer and or involved in anti-oppression, social justice and human rights work. Salaam was my attempt to create a social support network for lesbian and gay Muslims because this was back in the nineties and you didn’t really talk about the bi- or the trans- stuff back then. At that time I wasn’t even ready to deal with the theology. I didn’t feel that I had the, the material, the capacity to deal with that. That has been part of my own sort of growth and my journey. I have even come to this conclusion that a lot of our social justice movements and our political movements are unsuccessful because they don’t actually embrace our spirituality and the notion of our own transformation as we are working to transform the world around us.

If you’re starting out as a hollow vessel, how can you fill anything else and so this, entrenched me even further into seeking a spiritual connection that embraced all of these sort of different elements of myself, which includes, you know, being a social activist and a human rights advocate.

Adrian:             

Yeah. Beautiful connection to, we did an episode with Andrew Harvey recently and he coined the term, I believe, sacred activism. And so looking at activism that’s not divorced from a spiritual connection, you know, sort of fueled by spiritual practice in something that is acknowledging the mystery that is also underneath all the great work that’s coming out of the activism but not forgetting that there is that connection that you’re pointing towards. How did the first few years go for you when Salaam was created, I’m really curious, the early challenges, what were some of the big obstacles when you had the idea to actually opening the doors?

El Farouk:         

The challenges were multilayered. Technology was a challenge, right? This was back in the early nineties. Not everybody, there was no cell phones and you know, people had these little answering machines at home that you had to press and play and you couldn’t retrieve them from somewhere else and so on. At one point we had a contact list of about 60 to 80 people and you had to phone each one of them in order to tell them about some activity or some event that you were hosting. There were people with varying degrees of outness and different living situations, you would have a note attached to the phone number as to what you could say and who you could say it to, and you know, you couldn’t leave on the message and so on and so forth.

That was a technological and an outreach. First of all, how do you let people know. What media do you actually use in order to get the word out? How do you keep in contact and how do you inform people, especially people who are sort of scattered and at various sort of different levels of autonomy. People living at home, people not out and all of that sort of stuff. Those were some of the challenges. I think one of the ongoing challenges is the toxicity of institutionalized religion. A lot of people have given up on their spirituality because religion has been such a toxic influence in their life. For me, that never works, I’ve never been able to do that.

 Never wanted to do that and always believed that I didn’t need to do that. Sometimes when you’re organizing these kinds of spaces and you’re reaching out to people and people don’t actually want to know about the space or don’t actually want to even walk into the space because they’ve got so many barriers to it. I think that ends up creating a lot of disconnect like a spiritual schizophrenia, if you will. I think that a lot of our issues that we face are that people have disconnected not just from religion but also from spirituality because often spirituality is vested in a religious tradition or in a religious path. When that spirituality has been stripped away, all your left with is religious toxicity. So even convincing people that this might be a safe space or a healing space for them to try to connect their histories and their stories and that they don’t have to make a choice. It continues to be a challenge even, even now.

Thal:                

 How do you reconcile that … because people who find themselves identifying in sort of alternative identities find themselves either having, especially those who are brought up in the institutional patriarchal and monotheistic traditions find themselves either having to throw the baby with the bath water or become paralyzed in dogma. How, how can they reconcile?

El Farouk:         

Oh dear, that’s a heavy question. I think that’s a journey that everybody has to take. I think that in some traditions there has been some opening up. We see that happening in, and I don’t think it’s just a problem with monotheism because you see it in non-monotheistic traditions as well. Whether you look at Buddhism and Hinduism, they’re also often plagued by dogma and by misogyny. I was in Bali and every Hindu temple had huge signs that prohibited people who menstruated from entering.

You know and I was shocked because despite all of the, the menstro-phobia in Islam or in Muslim communities, I’ve never seen a sign like that on any mosque. Yet, here are these Hindu temples, and we have this notion that Hinduism is so inclusive and so embracing with female gods and so on and so forth that you wouldn’t encounter this and yet, lo and behold, here it is. I think that everybody has to go through that journey. Certainly, like if you look in the West, the geopolitical north or however you wanna define it, certainly some Christian traditions have been grappling with some of the issues around gender and sexual diversity for some time. there are both internal and external influences and pressures in Islam today that tell us that Islam is a monolith. Even the people who have been oppressed by this notion still cling to this notion that there is only a singular ahistorical Islam.

 Which is actually counter-intuitive even to the whole message of the Quran and even to the symbolism in the Quran, right? I mean Allah in the Quran is constantly telling us to look at nature and to the passage of time and to the cycles of nature and the moon and so on and so forth, which integrates change and growth and development as being integral to the religious experience. Yet the religion itself, supposedly we are now being told is unchanging and unresponsive. It doesn’t respond at all. We are supposed to conform to this. Yet who defines what this is? It is certainly not us who defines it.

Adrian:             

I remember you bringing up the term spiritual abuse, spiritual violence. I think it was in a Ted talk you did. Could you elaborate what you mean by that? I love the wording because it seems so appropriate.

El Farouk:         

I heard the expression spiritual activism a few years ago from a friend of mine, a gay man from Jamaica who described him as being a spiritual activist. I went “bing” you know, and ended up talking to him about it and sort of started to sort of identify with that term myself. The notion of spiritual violence for me is how religion or spirituality is actually used as a weapon against certain kinds of people. For those of us who may not conform because of our views around gender or because of our sexual orientation or our gender identities or expression or just our politics.

Right and how religion under the guise of spirituality…and I think, you know, contemporary Islam is kind of really devoid of spirituality. It’s been reduced to a set of do’s and don’ts. And if you do this, then you’re Muslim enough. And if you don’t do this, then you’re not Muslim enough. And that’s violence, right? Because who is determining this…this who is judging this? In the Sufi path and in Islamic tradition we have the 99 most beautiful names of God. God is the judge, not you, not me, not somebody else. There’s a whole body of tradition and literature that dates back to the Prophet that talks even about diversity of opinion and practice even at the time of the Prophet. All of these narratives are, you know, unpopular to the contemporary discourse and so they’re pushed aside, they’re not discussed and they’re marginalized, because they’re just not convenient. The whole idea of spiritual abuse is how religion is used to bludgeon us rather than to liberate our hearts.

Thal:                 

There are so many layers to this. I’m thinking also about the psychological layer. For people to be so complacent and to just download and accept and not question is one layer. Then there is the just the black and white way of thinking. It seems like if there is no spirituality, then people have no sort of direction of growth. There is no spiritual growth, then there is no psychological growth, and so then there’s no emotional growth. I really don’t know where I’m going with this but…it’s it’s paralyzing.

El Farouk:         

There’s a whole notion of being unworthy. I was recently talking to a friend of mine who comes from a South Asian Muslim background and I said, do you celebrate Eid? She said to me I don’t practice and so I don’t think I deserve to celebrate Eid. So I said to celebrate Christmas? What makes you worthy to celebrate that? Right. It’s really so interesting how people compartmentalize, you know, and so she can’t celebrate Eid because she doesn’t fast, but she’s got a Christmas tree and you know,

Thal:                 

Maybe also the notion of the Divine as, you know, someone up there that’s going to zap you. Yeah. You’re not worthy of connecting to that God is also problematic and psychological and spiritual abuse too.

El Farouk:         

Now we get into language around decolonizing and decolonizing our faith tradition because the notion of God anthropomorphized into a male human form is not something that’s actually intrinsic to Islam, right? Even the word Allah has no gender, even though Arabic is such a gendered language. The word itself has no gender. It’s an irregular word formation. The notion of God as male is not something that comes intrinsically from Islamic theology, right? Maybe it’s part of our colonial legacy. Even the way we understand certain words like the word Taqwa, which in the early translation, English translations of the Quran, which all happened during the colonial period. 

Taqwa is translated as God fearing as opposed to God awareness or God consciousness. Right? Yet this notion of fearing God, which may or may not have come from a Christian European sort of paradigm is now so much embraced by people within the Islamic tradition, and I don’t think it’s actually intrinsic to our tradition, but it’s just adopted, embraced, and unquestioned.

Thal:                 

It’s like a tool that’s used for self abuse almost. Speaking of the divine name and gender wasn’t it Ibn Arabi, one of the early Sufi that referred to Allah as ‘hiya’ and you can him “howa”…you can call her or him.

El Farouk:         

He did and within variety of different Muslim traditions over the years, particularly within spiritual explorations the feminine quote unquote aspects of the divine, have often been embraced or talked about and theorized over and so on. Even with the 99 names, the Tao of Islam, is an interesting book. I found it very, very heavy reading. It embraces and explores the notion that the 99 names, and this is an old historical tradition within Islamic history that the 99 names are the names of beauty and the names of majesty and the names of beauty have what we would traditionally describe as more feminine qualities and the names of majesty as more traditionally masculine qualities. We’re projecting our own binary limitations but what it does is open up is this notion that God is not male, and that God has no gender.

That’s at the unity mosque, we’ve made an explicit choice in our English material to refer to God in a diversity of genders. In our format we tend to prefer feminine pronouns for the Divine simply because any pronoun you use is going to be inaccurate and insufficient. Everyone’s insufficient and inadequate in one side, Islam is very big on the ‘mizaan’ and on the balance. We’re just trying to balance it out by using another pronoun, which is equally inadequate.

Thal:                 

Right. I feel that this concept can serve well in the mainstream circles. I think if people open up and embrace these different…uhmm…it’s not even different. It is intrinsic to Islam. Lots of forgiveness will happen.

El Farouk:         

Absolutely, I think that what we have been experiencing is a growing intolerance of diversity within the Islamic tradition. I don’t want to have this sort of rosy image that our precolonial or pre-European colonial because we also have an Arab-colonial history as well, right…that it was all perfect and so on. We can see today, historically, that even today there are all these different traditions, but the dominant face of Islam is one of monolith and patriarchy. I use the examples of the Bamiyan Buddhas in Afghanistan that they survived a thousand years plus of Islam, but they didn’t survive 15 years of the Taliban.

Thal:                 

It is the toxicity of dogma.

El Farouk:         

It’s toxicity of dogma. It’s the same thing with the Sphinx and the pyramids. You know, these are, these are pre-Islamic monuments. These are iconography. There was no intention or desire to destroy any of these. When the Muslims went into India, they didn’t destroy Hindu temples. They didn’t prevent people from practicing their traditions. Yet, the intolerance that we find today for diversity and I actually think that if anything, historically, in the Muslim tradition, Muslims had been more intolerant of non-conformist Muslims and non-Muslims. Even within the Islamic tradition, there has been a notion of embracing diversity. I think that’s being eroded and I think that has been willfully eroded by political forces.

Adrian:             

I think I mean as a non-theist, like not really identifying with any particular religion. I see this pattern show up in places like science, like scientism, right? Where there are certain beliefs and ideologies that are becoming dogmatic and people are using that as a form of control to say, this is the authority who says this is the correct thing to believe in science and this is incorrect or, and so it seems like it’s the church of certainty that people are ascribing to in this modern world.

El Farouk:         

This happens politically too, right? I worked in political staff at Queen’s Park and I’m like, wow, this is their religion and it’s very dogmatic, you know, it can also change very quickly if it’s politically expedient for it to change.

Adrian:             

I think you’re absolutely right when you say it’s the tolerance for diversity, but it seems also for the mystery, for not knowing, to admit the uncertainty that, hey, we might actually not really know what the answer is and to sit in that space and have a capacity for that.

El Farouk:         

Sit with the unknown…but that’s also what drives us, right, is our intellectual and spiritual journeys are driven by wanting to know the unknown. What did somebody say to me, I read somewhere the other day and I thought it was magic is something that science hasn’t found an explanation for yet. I’m a believer of magic and I do.

Thal:                 

That what was very interesting too…when you had mentioned about activism as well, because there’s also dogma within the activist communities and it is almost interesting to see that because activism, I feel, at its heart is sacred work. If you’re asking for justice and pointing at the wrongs that are happening in the world, how can you not work on your inner-self?

El Farouk:         

Well, I think we get swept up with anger. Was it last summer or the summer before, one of the women who was part of the Unity mosque here asked me to speak at a rally and it was like, you know, an anti-racism rally and stuff. I agreed to do that and I went there and I listened to some of the speakers before me and they were all so angry, you know, we’ve got to crush this and we’ve got a crush that with him to stop this and we’re going to stop that, and I just couldn’t do it, you know? I spoke about transforming and building a better future so that all of our kids could live together and have a world to live in and live in harmony with not only each other, but with creation around them and that was the world that we had to create it as activist. I’m not sure how the message went over in a room full of anger, a space full of anger.

Thal:                 

I mean, I can ask you that question. How are you not angry with all those intersections, El Farouk?

El Farouk:         

I do get angry. I do get angry but at the end of the day, my anger is not going to change anything. If you’re empty on the inside or you’re filled with anger on the inside, how do you change something on the outside and what do you change it with? And where do you fill that space with? Right? At the end of the day, the work has to start with yourself. I often speak, the anger is righteous. We have every right to be angry. Now what do we do with it? Right? Where do we go from here? How does that work? And if you’re just stuck in the anger, there’s no movement. There is no transformation. You just replace one structure or one leader or one ruler with another, and then you just keep replicating that same, that same paradigm. 

We’ve seen this in revolution after revolution. We were talking about the Arab spring before we started our formal conversation today and we all had such great hopes. I was talking to some clients of mine who are from Iran and I said to them, you don’t know in Iran before the revolution and the revolution was something that was filled with hope and it brought a million people into the streets of Tehran from a variety of religious and political traditions. It was filled hope, but it got lost and it got lost in religion that became toxic. It didn’t embrace the human condition and it became stripped of spirituality in its need to have political and social control.

Thal:                 

Absolutely.

Adrian:            

I want to ask you, what fuels your work in terms of practices. What sort of daily or regular practices that seemed to really help keep you going? I imagine you’re met with all sorts of resistance and challenges and you need something to keep that energy going.

El Farouk:         

Yeah. I have Zikr playing constantly. I have sacred music playing constantly. Mostly Sufi music and native music that seems to calm my soul. I need to hug more trees.

Thal:                

I recommend that.

El Farouk:         

It’s a little bit difficult when it’s minus 30 outside. I’m a West Coast Kid, right? So that’s what I aspire to. We just came back from Costa Rica and I’m like, I just want to be here, you know. Be at the beach and walk through the forest and look at the birds and the butterflies. That’s not always possible. It is my connection to the sacred and it’s the music and the chanting that really hold myspace for me. Hmm.

Adrian:             

I know you regularly attend Dargah with Hoiking doing some of the Sufi practices. I’ve never actually gone to one. I’m actually curious to hear what’s involved in those meetings and gatherings. And I’m quite interested in the practices themselves.

El Farouk:         

Well, when we were talking earlier, you talked about breath, right? You actually need to be at a Sufi Dargah because breath is so important and all life starts with breath, right? The Koran says that all life starts with water, but creation starts with God’s breath being blown into us. I really like the Dargah space because I end up, like with the unity mosque and other spaces, I often end up being sort of a central to that space. What I like about the Dargah is I can just be a student in that space. Was that your question?

Adrian:            

I was curious to hear you describe what it’s like to attend one for listeners that have not had experience either.

El Farouk:         

The Dargah is basically the school of our teacher. In some Sufi traditions, the teachers is called a Sheikh. In the Rifai tradition, we call our teacher Baba, which means father, and we begin by sitting in a circle and he delivers his sohbet, which is a lesson or a teaching. He always tells us that this is the most important part of the evening because it’s basically where we are toned and brought into common space right through his teaching. Our Baba is fairly informal. Other communities are more formal or more vested in cultural or a ritual and so on and so forth. He’s quite open to people asking questions and we laugh and we, you know, engage in conversation, but he’s the teacher. We are in class and that lasts for about two hours. Then depending on the time of the year it is, we will then say our communal prayer, our ritual prayer, Muslim ritual, prayer and after that we begin Zikr.

Zikr comes from an Arabic word that means remembrance. Allah in the Koran says prayer is good, but remembrance is even better. A dervish is called upon to remember God at all times in all things. To see God manifest in all things all around us. And so the Zikr is the chanting of the Divine names. We chat La Ilaha Illallah, which means there is no god but God and I think essential to that is the understanding that small god is not just an idol or an icon, but the idle and the icons that we hold in our heart.

So whether it’s our money or it’s a person or it’s our job, our art or whatever it is, those are the idols or the icons that we hold in our heart. We have to break those idols and those icons because there is only One reality and that we’re all joined in that reality. That’s the foundational remembrance. There are other remembrances so we chant Allah as the name of God and Hu which Arabic means He, but it is the remembrance of the breath. The sacred name of the Divine that we remember each time we breathe. It’s orchestrated as part of the practice so that it is done in community and ritualized and then we do that for about 90 minutes and then we eat because by then you worked up an appetite. That’s part of my therapy, right? So I find the Unity mosque to be very therapeutic, but because of my position and location within it, it’s a different space for me. Then when I come intothe Dargah where I’m a student and I can just actually sit and just be present without having to be active, you know.

Adrian:             

Does everybody do the whirling or is it just the dervishes that are performing?

El Farouk:         

The whirling is a ritual that’s present in some Sufi traditions and not present in others. Our teacher, our Baba is part of a sacred lineage from two different Sufi traditions, the Rifai and the Jerrahi. The whirling is a ritual, a historical ritual component of the Jerrahi lineage. We used to have whirling, but not very often. So our Baba’s son and his wife, they both whirl, but we didn’t have it very often because we didn’t have a lot of people within our community who were, who knew how to whirl and that’s changing because now there’s more and more people. We get people who go for classes, and they are offered every Saturday before the Dargah. We’re starting to see it happen more within our Zikr ceremonies.

Adrian:             

I’m so curious because to me it seems like the movement practice is like sort of the yoga in other practices where the body and the mind actually there’s a component.

El Farouk:         

So Muslim ritual prayer is yogic, but we don’t recognize it as such. I’ve had friends who practice yoga who’ve come into Muslim space and joined us in prayer and said, this is very familiar. This is not foreign, this is, but Muslims don’t conceptualize our ritualized prayer as being a yogic practice. I think that’s our loss. The practice of the Zikr depending on which community can also have movement and that is combining the body, the spirit, and the mind in movement. The whirling for me is very interesting. Thal you and I were talking about Umrah and Mecca, and when we went in 2011 and we were staying at the hotel and we were overlooking the Haram Sherrif, the mosque in Mecca. There was never a moment in the day when there were people who were not doing their Tawaf. They’re circumambulation of the Kaaba. I remember thinking and because people are wearing a lot of the men are wearing white and some of the women are wearing black and then other colors.

I am a sci-fi fan. I looked at this and it was like Oh My God this is like looking at the Milky Way. It’s like looking at a galaxy that’s constantly whirling, right? It’s whirling around the central point…this black box that’s in the middle. It could be a black hole in the middle of the universe or the middle of the galaxy, and it’s all whirling around that. The Dervishes when they’re whirling, they are whirling around their heart as the center point, because the heart is where God sits. Right? So all of these movements, whether it’s the dervish that’s whirling or the pilgrims that are going around the Kaaba or the earth going around the sun or the galaxy spinning, we’re all turning towards the heart. We’re all turning towards the core. I really see a connection between what’s in the universe out there and the microcosm that is in the Dargah and the further microcosm that’s within each of us and within our bodies.

Adrian:             

That’s beautiful. Spirituality is underneath that is the connection and seeing the connection from all scales, whether it’s the large Cosmos to you as an individual, just even looking at your body as a cosmic representation. In our bodies, and actually Baba often talks about this as well. Our bodies are so complex. They are a universe in and of themselves. We don’t recognize that we take our bodies for granted, abuse it and neglect it and forget it and do all sorts of things with it.

Thal:                

 That’s true. How can you get angry if you think you want all those things?

El Farouk:         

I think anger is part of the human condition. It’s where we allow it to take us and how we bounce back from it.

Thal:                 

Yeah, absolutely. I’m thinking about, you know, who young are Muslim people that identify as Queer and who are really struggling mentally and probably thinking about walking away from the religion because they feel they’re not accepted. I mean, what kind of advice would you give those people?

El Farouk:         

Don’t let other people tell you who you are or what you are? Learn to define it for yourself and embrace your spirituality which is innate to us. Why should we have to choose because it doesn’t fit with somebody else and so I would say to people you know, look within and find your own path because it is possible to do.

Adrian:             

What is your vision for the future of unity mosque and beyond and I guess all the other manifestations that branch out of that.

El Farouk:         

I want to subvert the planet.

Adrian:            

 What’s your master plan?

El Farouk:         

The idea for me of the unity mosque is to transform the face of Islam, not everybody’s going to end up at the Dargah. It’s always been that way. Not everybody has a calling to a center stage, a spiritual connection, right? But everybody has spirituality. Everybody has a need for connection. I don’t think it’s a small coincidence that a small number of people who come to my Dargah actually started coming to Unity mosque first and some of them don’t come to Unity mosque anymore but they found their way from there to the Dargah. My hope for the Unity mosque is that it’s a vision of inclusion and of a shared humanity and a cohesive spirituality is something that continues to be disseminated and that similar spaces start coming up in different places. I’d like to see this as a globalized movement and we’re starting to see more and more spaces like this coming up in different parts of the world. 

Of course, in some parts of the world is not actually safe for these spaces to exist or to exist publicly and it’s not going to be possible, which is also why our sermons, our Friday services are broadcasted through Facebook live and we actually have an international congregation and every Friday there’s people from Kenya, Ireland, and places in the states and across the GTA who for some reason can’t get down to the physical location and so on and so forth, who do access the service and because the service is then…the recording is kept on the Facebook group. I will often go back and check and see that something’s been watched 200 times or 150 times and so on and so forth. It’s my hope that people’s mindset and their understanding is also being transformed. One of the things that I always say to people is that if you want to try to start a community in your own physical location, we’re here to help you start that. The Protestant reformation started with people taking back their Christianity, and so the unity mosque is hopefully a vehicle for people to take back their Islam.

Thal:                 

One of the interesting things that you had mentioned because we attended the Unity mosque prayer last Friday and one of the things that you mentioned that there are a lot of Jewish people that practice too, right?

El Farouk:        

 Not everybody who comes to the unity mosque is Muslim identified. For me it speaks to the potential transformative capacity of a space like the Unity mosque because we are not trying to convert people. I would like people to come and feel better about themselves and find their own connection and if that connection is through Islam, that’s fabulous and if it’s not through Islam then you know, well, Allah in the the Koran says not everybody’s meant to be Muslim and that even religious diversity is part of God’s plan.

Thal:                

 It is mentioned that, “or else I would have created you all just one type of people.”

El Farouk:         

Absolutely. So I don’t actually know when people come to the mosque, whether they’re Muslim or not. Yeah. Unless I happen to know them. Right. Most of them are but some but of them are not, and some of the folks come from a mixed religious backgrounds or mixed families or have Muslims in their extended family. Some of the folks who I spoke about, who come from Jewish backgrounds, some of them are converts to Islam, some of them come from mixed Christian and Jewish homes, and you know, if you come from a mixed Christian and Jewish home, then Islam is really a very good solution.

Thal:                 

It is like the end of the narrative.

El Farouk:         

Because you don’t have to, you don’t want to have to give up Moses and the Torah and you don’t have to give up Jesus. You find them both? You can. Exactly. You know, I said it jokingly, but it’s actually kind of true. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and it has appeal for people, and remember during the time of the Prophet in Madina, Muslims and Jews used to pray together. Yeah.

Thal:                 

Yeah, there are many stories.

El Farouk:         

We’re not doing anything new. We’re just reclaiming our past that other people have tried to pretend it never existed, and at the same time, move forward. I think this is the element or the essence of Islam that I think the fundamentalists forget that it is organic and it is responsive. Even the history of Islam, the Quran was revealed over a 23 year period to the prophet Mohammed because it was in response. It wasn’t here it is, now conform, which is what we are told Islam is today, but it is not the history of Islam. It is not even how Islam came into the world. It came into the world as a response and a response to the need of people and of society.

Thal:                

 I think people confuse the concept of surrender with conformity.

El Farouk:         

Yeah. Who is the surrender to is the question because usually the people who are telling you that you need to surrender. They’ll tell you to surrender to God as they understand God and to God’s word as they tell you to understand it.

Thal:                 

Whereas, you know, true surrender is a very deep way of being and it’s about a connection with your self, really.

El Farouk:         

Well, if Allah is closer to you than you’re own jugular vein, then you know, you need to look inside as well as outside.

Thal:                 

Any thing that you wanted to talk about that you haven’t had the chance to talk about or any questions that you would have liked to be asked because you’ve always been out in the media for like 20+ years.         

El Farouk:

We talked about psychotherapy and so on. I think that a large part if the crises that we see and the dependencies that we see in the world around us, I think it’s comes from this schizophrenia, this compartmentalization of our physical, sexual, spiritual, and emotional beings. The name for the unity mosque, it is tawheed, it is unity, it is oneness, but Oneness is not sameness.

I think that whether you find it in Islam or you find it through any other tradition. Finding that sense of balance and that connection to yourself and to the world around you, I think is what’s missing for many people and it’s what causes all this dysfunction in the world around us.

Thal:                 

Absolutely.

Adrian:             

Thank you. Beautifully said.

El Farouk:         

Thank you.

Thal:                 

Thank you very much for your time.

Bonus Material: 

El Farouk:

In my work as a refugee lawyer and I primarily represent the majority of the cases that I represent are either based on sexual orientation or gender identity or expression or gender. So everything from, you know, for the gender stuff, it’s forced marriage, domestic violence, a lot of female genital mutilation, but it, over the years of doing this work and listening to people’s stories, and I represented people from about 120 different countries, so from all religious and non-religious and racial backgrounds and so on, is how religion and spirituality are used as, as these weapons to bludgeon people. We talked about that within the Muslim context, but I’ve seen it sort of universally women. I think that, you know, not all gay men are visibly gay, but all, most women are visibly female from birth.

 The way patriarchy, misogyny, and religion intersect as how women’s bodies are controlled and how women, girl children are controlled and limited, and told that they’re not worthy. You’re not worthy to lead prayer. You’re not worthy to be in this space. You don’t have the capacity or the ability, and so this kind of gendered hierarchy is created within our theology and within our religious spaces, and to me, that’s abuse. That’s a form of violence right there to say that you are not worthy, that somehow you need to be confined in a particular space.

Thal:                 

Even women’s voices…

El Farouk:         

Yes, your voice cannot be heard, and so on. To me, even if you don’t recognize this as abuse or ss violence, it is. I just presented a case today, my client is a Muslim woman from West Africa. I remember having this conversation with her because it’s a question I have to ask my female clients who are alleging domestic violence is if they were raped during the marriage and the notion that they can be raped by their husband is actually something that they sort of look at me and go, what? If your husband forced you to have sex against your will, that’s also rape. It’s your body and you have to consent, and yet even within some Muslim theological constructs, there’s no concept of marital rape. To me, that’s a form of violence. These are the kinds of things that sort of have informed me in the development of my own theology and how our relationship to God and to ourselves and to religion and our spirituality has to be transformative and has to liberate because this is violence and surely our spiritual tradition doesn’t teach us violence as a vehicle for closeness to God’s creation.

Thal:                 

Yeah and shouldn’t be a source of pain and separation and trauma. Sort of take away people’s lives, really, not allow people to thrive as human beings.

El Farouk:         

That’s exactly what it does, it suffocates our growth as human beings, and if we are all created in God’s image, then how does this violence allow us to reach our fullest potential? It doesn’t, in fact, it constricts us and confines us and denies us that growth.

Thal:                 

Keeps us small…

El Farouk:         

And separated and the separation is also a separation from ourselves and I think that’s where all the anxieties and depressions and the mental health issues that arise.

Thal:                 

Yeah, not only in the queer communities, it’s everywhere now.

El Farouk:         

Pervasive.

#10: Enter the Sacred Field of Kabir with Andrew Harvey

The mystical, the mythical, and the mysterium, the realm of cosmic forces remains enigmatic. We may project our human perception onto the unknown or completely reject it. What we don’t know scares us. Fear of the ‘other.’ It may be easy to dismiss mysticism as a way of the ancient ones. Yet, our mythical and mystical musings remain alive today through literature, poetry, music and yes, through video games and shows like the Game of Thrones and Harry Potter! There is no separation.

The lines between interviewer and interviewee become blurred as we shed our skin with a modern-day mystic: Andrew Harvey. We recorded this conversation a day after a poetry reading by Andrew, here in Toronto to celebrate the release of his latest book, Turn Me To Gold: 108 Poems of Kabir. Andrew brings in his energy and ecstatic presence as he shares his vision of sacred activism – in response to our meaning crisis or what he sees as a massive transformation of consciousness. Andrew was born in South India in 1952. He was educated in England and studied at Oxford University. By 1977, he became so disillusioned with life at Oxford, he returned to India where a series of mystical experiences initiated his spiritual journey. Andrew has studied under many sages and saints from different traditions. He is the author of over 40 books and lectures internationally.

Highlights:

  • The Mystical Experience of Writing Kabir Poetry
  • Problems with New Age Spirituality
  • Message for Young Seekers and Sacred Activists

Resources:

Listen:

A poem inspired by this episode

Full Transcript

Andrew Harvey:          

How lovely to be addressing you. How did you enjoy last night? How did it register in you?

Thal:                 

It was amazing. I felt the poetry, your presence, and your energy and you know, I come from a Sufi background so I was sitting there, I was like, yeah, this is what I already know but felt it.

Andrew Harvey:          

Exactly! Isn’t that wonderful? That to me is the exact response because we do know this, it is our reality and all the great ones like Kabir, they just wake up this knowledge within us. Kabir is not trying to be a guru, he is trying to empower us with our own authentic awareness because he knows that everyone is secretly divine and has all of this knowledge. That’s what I tried to do. I’m not, I couldn’t. What a boring thing to be a guru. My God. Terrible! What a waste of time where you can have all the fun in the world with people like you. Right. What did you feel?

Adrian:             

We were just talking, I am really raw right now. I mean from last night something happened where to me, you mentioned lion a few times the imagery of a lion and you were the lion last evening. You roared with that power. I felt like the lions in the room all heard it. We heard the cry and a part of me is kind of waking up to this realization of we got to act. You know there’s a sense of urgency and I love the energy that you are bringing.

Andrew Harvey:         

Act from sacred consciousness. Act from that vibrant wholeness within. You will be a lion in your own way. Everybody’s lion is different. There are tender lions. There are soft lions. There are wild lions. It is finding your own and unique inner lion, isn’t it? Yeah. I just do me, my big Me and then hope to wake up the lions in the room. I’m training the special forces.

Adrian:             

You’re definitely doing that.

Thal:                 

I want to share something with you before we start. I think it was two years, almost two years ago or a year ago when you were on a podcast with Tami Simone, “Sounds True”.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yes.

Thal:                 

Yes. I was going through one of my many dark nights of the soul and I’m just right in the middle of the interview…

Andrew Harvey:          

You’re a good Sufi.

Thal:                 

Hopefully. Right in the middle of the interview. You said one of the prayers that I have always utter in my practice, which is “show me things as they are”. Then you said that that’s from one of your favorite teachers, Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him. The moment you said that…It hit so hard with me that I just wept. I had to stop the podcast and I wept for like 30 minutes, so just wanted to share that.

Andrew Harvey:           

What a beautiful… You know, one of the things that hurts me the most is the way the Prophet is seen in the West. When you get a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of who the Prophet is, how could you not weep for half an hour?

Thal:                 

I love him, you know, he’s like…

Andrew Harvey:          

Oh God. Of course.

Thal:                 

He embodies the Divine Feminine. Like his teachings were all about the Divine Feminine…

Andrew Harvey:          

Absolutely…he says paradise is at the feet of the mothers. You remember?

Thal:                 

Yes

Andrew Harvey:          

Paradise is at the feet of the mothers and the first phrase in the Quran is about Rahman Al-Raheem. Both come from Rahm, the womb. God is mother first of all in the Quran and it’s impossible to read his life without being stunned by his tenderness. Look at the story of the cat. You know that wonderful story…he only has two tunis and his favorite cat is sleeping on one of the arms and he cuts off the arm of his tunic so as not to wake up the cat. ‘Adab (graceful comportment) is feminine. ‘Adab is entirely about tenderness and courtesy and respect and reverence. Those are feminine virtues and until you know that you know nothing about Islam.

Thal:                 

The most people who misunderstand Islam are Muslims.

Andrew Harvey:          

Wahhabis have no idea about the Prophet. If they could meet the Prophet he would be out of his mind with suffering about what they’ve made of his revelation.

Thal:                 

I believe that 100 percent

Andrew Harvey:          

And you can’t imagine why all the Great Sufi mystics have been so desperately and deeply and profoundly in love with him because they know that he’s the complete human being. No other teacher was a husband. No other teacher would have said that I love women, perfume, and prayer. That’s a complete man.

Thal:                 

Yes yes yes…

Andrew Harvey:          

A complete guy! He loves women. He loves sex.

Thal:                 

Yes he did…

Andrew Harvey:          

The beauty of celebrating with another being and perfume, the mystery and beauty of the world, and then prayer of course it’s the last one. It’s the ultimate one, but nobody lived as a complete life as the prophet. There’s never been as a complete life as him.

Thal:                 

I believe that. Thank you.

Andrew Harvey:          

You know that. That’s why you’re a Sufi. You’re so lucky to love the Prophet so much. What a life? So terrible! His life.

Thal:                 

So misunderstood…up to this day…

Andrew Harvey:          

Oh God, yes. You know that he is still available to those who love him…you never see him but you can…some people see him, but I’ve never seen him, but I have felt him…

Thal:                 

I felt him…Some people see him, some people see him like even in like during the day, you know, and have conversations with him, but

Andrew Harvey:          

I’m looking forward to that particular…

Thal:                 

Me too… I am looking forward to it.

Andrew Harvey:          

So glad you like that…that is such a blessing.

Thal:                 

I’m just happy to be talking to you today.

Andrew Harvey:          

Me too. But people always say to me, why do you say peace be upon him? Are you kidding? I would never talk about the prophet without honoring Islam in that way…it will be very vulgar. People have no conception of this. The ‘adab (good character) you need towards the holy ones.

Thal:                 

The holy ones from all traditions.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, but he would be the first one to say that. He said it again and again and again in the Quran. Nobody loved Jesus more than the prophet. Nobody loved Isiah, Moses, and Noah and all the great ones. He says there are 100,000 teachers who have no names who are great prophets and great saints. Women, men of all religions, shamans. It is much more than a religion, Islam. It’s a vision of integrated wholeness. It’s the most balanced vision ever given humanity. It has shadows, obviously. I mean homophobia, misogyny, and all the rest of it, but they were not his shadows

Thal:                 

These are the shadows of dogma.

Andrew Harvey:          

And the boys club and all the rest of it…

Thal:                 

I hear ya…

Andrew Harvey:         

 Rumi doesn’t have those shadows. The Great Sufi mystical saints don’t have those shadows.

Thal:                 

That’s why they were killed someone like Al-Hallaj was killed by the orthodoxy.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah. All. Can you imagine what happened with Rumi? Can you imagine? They were freaked out. He started dancing with this old man in the middle of Konya after giving good speeches and quoting from the Quran. They thought he’d gone completely crazy or even worse. Finally they had to face that he was radiant with God. You know? Absolutely. That’s always the way, isn’t it.

Adrian:             

Andrew…I feel like we want to do this in service of Kabir, right? I mean this is one of the major reasons why we feel so excited and grateful that you agreed to come on. And this is just the beginning of your book launch, essentially, and last night, I mean, what we experienced with the poetry, I mean, it was so moving. I am still raw from that experience…still processing.

Andrew Harvey:           

When you say raw, I love that word. What you mean by raw? What does raw feel like inside you? You know right now, let’s have a conversation. I’d love to. This is not me talking about Kabir, I want to talk with you. In the Kabir field.

Adrian:             

To me raw are new feelings. So it’s feelings that I’m not familiar with and there is an element of fear, like what is this? I’m confused, but it’s making me tune inward and try to hang onto it, try to be curious. And so that’s raw sensations in my body and these feelings that are all commingled. You know, it’s hard to put words to it that that’s raw for me. It’s pre-language.

Andrew Harvey:          

It is pre-language, why do you need to put words to it? Why do you need to? That’s the danger of trying too soon to get clear, not allowing the radiant confusion to breed its own revelation. To change one. It’s just like falling in love, isn’t it, with the person. It’s scary when you meet someone you can’t avoid you can’t categorize, you can’t not love, and you know that once you’ve made that commitment to love, it’s going to change your life. It’s not just going to change your mind. It is going to change your heart, your body, your whole trajectory. And that’s what happens when you meet someone like Kabir.

Adrian:            

 It feels naked. That’s the other word. Yeah. You mentioned that last evening…is to shed the costumes to shed the house, the houses and to walk in the open.

Thal:                 

Even the process of us making the podcast is really about coming out in the open. I’m waking up from my own journey where, you know, I went into the comfort of dogma for a few years and it just didn’t work because it wasn’t who I am and I was never that before. Adrian is coming also from his perspective. A more secular perspective, you know, and he’s waking up to the mystic in him. That’s what I see and you know, we belong to a generation that’s, you know, confused.

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, how could you not be confused? Everyone’s confused at this moment because we’re in the moment of trauma and terrible chaos, and terrible suffering. The possibilities of human extinction are real. How could that not be radically confusing? If you trust at the deepest level, that radical confusion can give birth to the new, a wholly new level of tenderness and vibrant openness and communion, which is a source of tremendous meaning and joy.

Thal:                 

What we’ve been doing after every episode…I’ve been writing poetry. I would say all my life. More recently I’ve been sharing them through the podcast after every episode, and I told Adrian this three days ago, I told him I feel naked whenever I write a poem, I feel naked and I’m okay with it now and it is what it is…

Andrew Harvey:          

Don’t you think being naked is the greatest possible gift you give to anybody.

Thal:                 

That’s true.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s the greatest gift.

Thal:                 

It is also being alive.

Andrew Harvey:          

alive. When you think about how you make the greatest friends of your life, it’s not by being brilliant, it’s not by being perfect. It’s by those moments of heart, rending fragility and expansion that suddenly snares another heart. Right?

Thal:                 

Absolutely.

Andrew Harvey:           

That’s it. That’s the whole of life.

Adrian:             

Yeah. Do we want to get into it, right?

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah. We are into it. Just keep this in the podcast. I love this because this is our field. You know, I can see your beautiful faces. I can see how much you are so alive and how much you are in pain, at what’s going on, and how much you are not just resting in that pain, but really wanting to understand beyond words beyond concept what this pain might mean. For me, what this pain is the pain of childbirth. It’s the pain of birth. It’s what happens to a woman when she gives birth is monumental. It’s being possessed by this birthing force that looks, from a man’s point of view, and I’ve seen it so many people give birth, looks like she’s being torn apart, but she’s not being torn apart. She’s been given the supreme privilege of being a gateway for the birth of a new being, and this is what’s happening in all of our psyches at the moment. Everything we think of as real, it’s being dismembered, it’s being burned down, not to punish us, but to release us from these terrible, horrible dominator paradigm structures which are quite clearly annihilating life, so we’re being born into life and that’s a scary, confusing process, but if you stay with it and trust and surrender and listen to the voices of the ones who really know this process, then something amazing gets born in you and with that, the passion to change, everything gets born in you. Together. We can do this.

Adrian:             

Thank you, Andrew. Thank you for that. I think. I think we’re both actually really wanting to hear how how you got drawn to Kabir to begin with. We know that in writing it was quite the experience. You lived with him. You mentioned multiple times that you were living with him. He was inside of you.

Andrew Harvey:          

I’ve loved Kabir all my life. I’m 66 years old now and I met Kabir first when I was 25 in Benares the city where he lived, which is called Varanasi now, but I can’t help calling it Benaras because for me the word Benaras means something exotic glorious and it is like an unfolding of purple silk, Benares. A very holy word and it’s a very wild, holy, gorgeous, terrible, amazing city, which is like a naked representation of every kind of opposites in life. I went there first when I was 25 and I was overwhelmingly grateful to be in a place as mad as my own psyche. I just recognized finally that there was a place on earth as gorgeous and crazy as what I was beginning to understand. The mystery really is… So I was out of my mind with joy and I used to go in the early morning to the temples and sit there and just look and breathe everything in. The perfumes, the smells, the amazing adoration of people. One day I was there and this old man came in this beautiful old Saddhu in rags but with the face like an eagle, and he started to sing and I can’t begin to describe singing, but it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t manicured. It was wild singing wild, holy gorgeous singing. The whole place shook.I plucked up my courage after he finished and I said, “what were you singing?” He spoke broken English and I speak some Hindi. Between my broken Hindi and his broken English, we communicated totally because we were in the space. He said, I am singing, “my beloved.” I said, “who is your beloved?” “Kabir! Kabir! Kabir! How can you sing anything else but Kabir when you’ve met Kabir. Kabir changes everything. Then he translated for me what he was singing and he was singing the song, “the beloved is in me, the beloved is in you as life is hidden in …(inaudible) rubble your pride my friend, and look for the beloved within you.” Just those words pierced me and I realized, oh my God, I have not heard of Kabir but that began a passionate search to find out everything about Kabir. I read everything in different languages. I speak French and Italian and German and some Hindi. I read all of the amazing new books that were coming out on Kabir that are incredible work done by, especially by two great women scholars, Charlotte Vaudeville, who wrote the most astonishing book on Kabir. Every single aspect of Kabir’s genius is explored by her with razor clear, deeply radical, wonderfully precise scholarship. Then there’s this other wonderful woman translator, Linda Hess, who has exactly the same degree of excellence in her work, but who also plunged deeply and mystically into the Kabir tradition and spent a lot of time with one of the greatest Kabiri singers, Kumar Gandharva, and if you’re listening out there, go on to Youtube, get hold of Kumar Gandharva. He is simply the greatest singer that India has produced in the last hundred years. He’s left, unfortunately, but his voice remains. So I plunged into Kabir from a scholarly point of view, from the translations that were coming out. Robert Bly is magnificent translations, a lot of Bly in there. He’s not really being very faithful to Kabir, but he did a marvelous job of bringing the perfume of the Kabiri spirit, but at the time I was obsessed with Rumi and I still remain obsessed with Rumi because Rumi was my first intense beloved. I just. I’ve never gotten over Rumi. I spent 40 years writing books on Rumi, recreating Rumi, going to Konya, plunging into the depths of Sufism, and Rumi is such an amazing universal poet. He is the other great universal poet with Kabir and the two of them are brothers that you can’t compare Everest and Kanchenjunga. They’re both supremely great mountains of brilliance and beauty, so I didn’t get around to really confronting my passion for Kabir until about seven or eight years ago when it suddenly became clear to me that the reason why I hadn’t done any deep work on Kabir because I myself wasn’t ready. You have to be ready for Kabir because Kabir is so fierce, so demanding, so real. I had to become real before or half real before I could dare to step into attempting to transmit him in English and then something quite dramatic happened in my life, which is I went through one of my periodic fits of bankruptcy, so because I’ve lived a pretty wild life as a teacher, I haven’t been user-friendly. I’ve tried to tell the truth because I know I’ve known for 20 years that we were in an apocalyptic situation. If you’re teaching in America, that’s the last thing people want to hear. They just want to hear everything is fine and it’s all going to go well. It’s not going to go well. We’re gonna have to die to be reborn and in this time I was compelled and it was one of the great graces of my life to go to live in a log cabin in Arkansas and I paid $300 a month for this log cabin and I thought more of my friends thought, oh my God, Andrew is now going off the deep end and we’ll never see him again. He’s a brave madmen, but bye bye Andrew. But in fact, what happened with that, that was the best thing that ever happened. I lived in simplicity with the deer and the hills of our Arkansas and the wonderful raw non-religious people who are just the best people you can possibly imagine. I was grounded and earthed in a way that had never happened to me before. I was humbled, radically humbled. At that moment he could enter because I’d been bashed enough, battered enough, reduced enough, humbled enough to be able to hear the unmistakable intensity of truth in him, and then something absolutely extraordinary started to unfold is that I really started to dream about him, to feel him around. I realized that in meeting Kabir at that time in my life, I was meeting the very, very best of myself. That the very, very best of myself would now be honed and deeply transformed by this encounter with this lion of truth. It was the most thrilling experience of my life. It unleashed an immense torrent of creativity in me because I started to write as Kabir. I’ve written hundreds and hundreds of poems in Kabir’s voice with my voice mingling his. I haven’t printed them and haven’t published them because I wanted my first offering to be about him because it would be an act of monstrous arrogance even for someone like myself to come out with my Kabir poems without spending time on really presenting the genius that gave birth to whatever I was able to say in this field, and what happened was that when you commune at that level of passion with a great being, you enter into the most intense, imaginable, sacred friendship with that being. This is known in all the mystical systems. The Catholics call this the communion of saints, the Saints are not in Heaven or whatever heaven is. The saints are all around. They’re still alive, they’re vibrant, and if you commune with a saint out of a particular deep love for that saint that saint will start to appear to you, talk to you, give you directions, guide you, you know them from within you. This is a tremendous mystery, but it’s a mystery that mystics of all traditions have experienced. And what I experienced was Kabir became my friend myself, my voice, my heart, and it was very scary sometimes because you can’t approach the field of Kabir without being exposed to yourself. And all of us have so much further to go. And when you’re in the field as clean and as incisive as the Kabir field is… You’re faced all the time with your corruption, your stupidity, your sloth, your vanity, in my case your desire for celebrity, all the stuff that swirls around in every human psyche, befriending someone like Kabir means that you cannot anymore befriend your own darkness. It becomes intolerable to you. There’s a real sacrifice involved when you come into this kind of field. But the rewards for making that sacrifice is so astounding because not only does he pitch that view and hits you over the head, he also got an arm around your shoulder saying, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been through it. It’s terrible facing who you really are. But you’ll discover through this facing who you really Are! That will make everything worthwhile. This was a most extraordinary process and out of that came my book, Turn Me To Gold and it couldn’t have come in any other way. I wasn’t ready to do it earlier on. I had to be cooked by Rumi, to be ready to be eaten by Kabir and I had to go through in solitude in that log cabin, this turbulent astounding relationship with him to be able to be guided by him to present the book in exactly the way that the Kabir field exactly wanted as a musical symphony in four parts that could open up all of the different aspects of the field to divine embodiment. It was an amazing journey. It’s not over. I’m just beginning a new journey now going out talking to people like you about the journey, that’s a new extension of this field. Does make sense to you? Does it ring true?

Thal:                 

I’m just thinking also about something that you had mentioned last night when you were talking about the book and about the two energies that are mentioned in the Sufi tradition, which come from the Divine name, which is the Jalal energy, which is the energy of awe and breaking the ego and the Jamal Energy, which is the beauty and the tenderness, which is Rumi, and that’s where you were cooked for you to get ready for Kabir as you had mentioned. I just want to relate or mention the role of poetry and the role of poet as medium and what does that mean to you?

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, what does it mean to you? You are a poet. I want you to hear what it means to you.

Thal:                 

Everything! I feel that poetry and the poet are mere mediums of energy. It’s like the connection between the sacred and the profane, the connection between the transcendent and the imminent. It’s only through poetry that we can contain the ineffable.

Andrew Harvey:         

Yes. How beautiful? I can’t speak after that, but I think that we’re in a time where religious dogma no longer captures us. I think we are in a time when people telling us what to do and how to do it, laying down laws is frankly horse manure to us because we’ve seen how many of those laws are not Divinely inspired but manmade and very crippling and I think we’re in the time of the birth of the universal mysticism that goes directly to the source that once the skinny about reality that once the essential disciplines but doesn’t want to be contained in any one dogmatic context and poetry is by definition non-dogmatic. It’s personal. It’s born out of the depths of the unique personal ecstatic experience, especially when it’s mystical poetry, and because it’s personal it transcends dogma, because it’s personal it speaks directly from the enraptured heart to the enraptured heart. It speaks above all the language of love and the language of love is the language which we are all, whether we are atheists or non-atheists or wiccans.

Thal:                 

Whatever the label is?

Andrew Harvey:          

What we’re famished for is that language of love and every humanbeing when they hear Rumi is thrilled because Rumi speaks as an ecstatic lover. Anyone whose ever known how love expands you will hear in Rumi, even if they don’t understand the kind and the vast of love that Rumi speaks about, they’ll know, oh my God, this guy is a lover and I have a lover within me, and I want that lover to grow because I know that lover is the best of me and the most noble of me and the most wildly deeply intelligent. Pardon me, much more intelligent than my brain.So poetry has that unique power to take us into the field beyond good and evil that is love in all of its majesty and power and beauty. That’s why poetry, mystical poetry now is coming back in such intense way because we’re being guided into a universal mysticism whose heart isn’t laws and dogmas, but burning rapturous, incisive, vibrant, violently beautiful and pure poetry, so the great new texts of the new universal mysticism will be the great mystical poets, will be Rumi, will be Kabir, will be Hildegard of Bingen, and Hadewijch of Antwerp.

Thal:                 

William Blake.

Andrew Harvey:          

William Blake, absolutely…and Rabiah. These are the great sacred, humble prophets of this new universal mysticism. This has always been known in the great sacred cultures. In India there are the Sanskrit Brahmans who love to quote the text, but what did the people of India love? They loved the songs of Kabir. What does the shopkeepers sing? They sing the upanishads. They sing Kabir because they want the raw pure naked, they need it because they’re living very difficult lives and sometimes it’s threatened lives and talking to them about the upanishads is not going to help them. What will help them in the most visceral way is that raw pure, absolutely bare poetry of a great mystic like Kabir. Who is their buddy. They can feel him go through everything that they’re going through and still goes through and they can vibrate with that. So you if you’re in India, in Benaras, for example, I remember one morning relatively recently going to the shop around the corner where I used buy my soap with this wonderful old woman and we became great friends and she in the morning would sing me Kabir. She was a very poor and she would tell me, you know, Kabir has helped me live my life. I know that everything is God. I know I have no money. I may not have money for my evening meal, but because of my singing of this magnificent holy brother of mine that is Kabir, I can get through anything. She told me that and that’s what so many people experience. Poetry has that divine gift.

Thal:                 

I was just listening to the late Mary Oliver, I think she just passed away two weeks ago or three. She said something about the role of religion. She said, well, religion is there to remind us that we cannot rely on our will but then the dogma comes in and flattens out everything and reduce it and it’s reductionistic much like a very staunch secular view is also reductionistic. Anything that is one side of something is reductionistic and…

Andrew Harvey:          

Poetry is all sides altogether.

Thal:                 

Exactly. Exactly.

Andrew Harvey:          

In a human experience that is non-judgmental that accepts all the pain and all the joy. That accepts all the struggle.

Thal:                 

The paradox of life.

Andrew Harvey:          

The great mystical poets are our best friends, they are the best friends you could ever have on your life journey.

Thal:                 

It’s where I go to when I feel alone. It is my world. I love it. Mystical poetry.

Andrew Harvey:           

Well you know that you’re not alone when you are sitting with Rumi or Kabir. These guys have been through everything. They’re with you right now and they will give you the consolation, the wisdom you need. In Iran, you know, they love Hafiz most of all. They say Hafez is the greatest of all the poets, even greater than Rumi.

Thal:                 

He’s powerful.

Andrew Harvey:          

What they do when they’re feeling miserable or alone or in front of a very difficult judgement, they pray and they open Hafiz. They’ve discovered that it is some kind of an oracle.

Thal:                 

I actually do that trick too.

Andrew Harvey:          

I do it with Rumi and Hafiz and it never fails. They are there present completely as a complete divine human beings, speaking intimately to us, and they can help us in ways that even the greatest scriptures can’t help us.

Thal:                 

I believe that…

Andrew Harvey:          

It’s all about friendship now you see, I think that when we really understand as human beings what friendship is capable of, what great friends can feel and do and experience together.

Thal:                 

Sacred friendship.

Andrew Harvey:          

We understand the full glory of what the poets ask because truly they are our deepest secret friends.

Thal:                 

In fact, that is one of the main messages within the Sufi tradition. The sacred aspect of friendship and communion and sisterhood and brotherhood and all of it.

Andrew Harvey:          

Isn’t that the deepest meaning of Shams and Rumi’s relationship? Nobody really understood their relationahip. Some thought they were physical lovers. That’s not true. Some foods that they were just buddies. That’s not true. Some people thought they were master and disciple. That’s not true because they were each master and each disciple. All of those previous definitions vanish when the true glory of friendship appears because they clearly loved each other, heart, mind, soul, and body. It was total love, but it was love that vibrated from the depths of the heart and included the whole field of the being. That’s friendship and we we’re just beginning to begin to begin to begin to understand what friendship can be.

Thal:                 

The tip of the iceberg,

Andrew Harvey:          

How wonderful, yeah. This is what awaits the human race if we can only stop committing suicide and matricide. It awaits the revelation of universal mysticism, the revelation of fundamental bond of sacred friendship between all beings gay, straight, lesbian acrobats, drunks in the street. Who cares? They’re human. They’re alive. They are our friends potentially.

Thal:                 

It’s fear. It’s ego. It’s, ah! These are the things that need to break.

Andrew Harvey:         

It’s fear because you might suddenly find yourself embracing a dirty old drunk by the side of the street as your long lost brother that would scare you, but that’s truth. Jesus is talking about the same kind of love. He says, “greater Love hath no man than the man who lays down his life for his friends.” That’s the whole meaning of the mystical path to lay down your life for your friends so that your friends can taste the splendor of God through the life you lead and come into their own unique splendor and live it out with their own unique joy and then you can encourage them in that they can tune you and you can tune them and a lot of fun is had by all. We’re frightened of joy more than anything else. You know that’s what’s so scary. People say that they are scared of suffering, but if you really look deeply into yourself, what you’re really scared of is love and really scared of joy.

You might find yourself loving all kinds of unlikely people, even people who you before you thought were your enemies or just having mad destructive views. You might suddenly find yourself feeling overwhelming compassion for Trump, for example, which will deeply annoy some of your liberal friends. It’s actually part of the geat beauty.

Thal:                 

It is part of the paradox.

Andrew Harvey:          

It is part of the paradox, but it doesn’t mean you hate him. You oppose his policies but it does not mean you hate him because you see the pain behind all the madness that can destroy the planet, but it doesn’t mean you have to hate him. Why should you hate him? Hate the policies, do everything you can to unnerve those policies, but never find yourself in the place of hating any humanbeing because they are still, however battered, the image of God. You have to keep that as a lover of God … that truth.

Thal:                 

Keeping in mind our listeners, I’m thinking when we’re talking about this type of energy and being sort of possessed with this radical love.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yes, yes! I love that…possessed by this radical love. She speaks as a poet. That’s why poetry is so important because you said it in a phrase. That’s the intensity of being, isn’t it?

Thal:                 

Thank you. I have to say it. I’m going to say it today, sometimes it’s my own fear and you know how I’m perceived by others that I sometimes have to tone down that side of myself. Working with Adrian, right now, I’m slowly not going to tone down that down anymore.

Andrew Harvey:        

This is the time of the empowered women. We need women like you to speak fearlessly, to sing out your truth. I need it. Every single man, however, evolved on this planet, needs to hear the voices of wild, empowered holy women. Be one of those. Don’t be frightened. I will tell you a story, which is one of my favorite stories, happened to me when I lived in Paris. I had a great friend. She was a Countess and she was a Coke addict, unfortunately, but she was the most luminous, wild, fearless person I ever knew. She was in her seventies and I was in my thirties. We were inseparable and she would take me to these glamorous dinner parties. Her favorite thing was to go off into the bathroom, smoke some coke, and come back to the table and tell everybody the truth about themselves at the table. Appallingly truthful.

One day the whole of France was sitting around this table. I mean the President was there, Yves Saint Laurent was there. It was a very grand party. She had known them all their lives, so she knew what a corrupt load of wankers they really were those people. She went from one to the other and she just said, you have been so selfish and narcissistic in the way… Look at the world, it’s burning because all you’ve wanted is power. She was possessed by sacred rage. It was tearing her apart. She went around and then the guy next to her who happened to be the head of (inaduble) said, “Helen, you are too much.” She quick as a whip said, “patron and you have never been enough.”

Thal:                 

Those words were used as a form of abuse, really. “You are too much.”

Andrew Harvey:          

She was not too much. She was agonizingly struggling to be totally real. She was on a quest for total authenticity and that made her to me heart-rendingly beautiful and a great, great teacher and I didn’t judge her. If I had been inside her mind, I would have been dead 30 years before. It was amazing that she was alive with what she knew and she loved me passionately. I loved her passionately. Seeing the way in which somebody who is possessed of radical love is treated made me really make the choice that I would never, ever silence my passion. You have to choose the passion of the truth and you have to let the chips fall where they may because what you’ll discover is that the real people will come to you.

Thal:                 

I am already seeing that…

Andrew Harvey:          

If you have five real friends in this world who are authentic, that’s everything. You don’t need 100 acquaintances. You need those five and they can’t come to you until you’re completely real yourself or trying to be. That’s the great truth. You know that, don’t you?

Thal:                 

I do, actually.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, so everybody out there who is frightened about being their real selves. Stop it! It’s time to tell the truth. It’s time, do it with dignity, do it with courtesy, but do it because even when people resist you, if you do it with force of your whole personality, you will shift something in them and three or four days later or maybe five years later, they will shift. At this time we can’t afford not to be radically passionate about life because the world is being destroyed and we have to speak up and we have to be ragged and we have to call people to account. We have to most of all call ourselves to account and we have to engage together in the sometimes painful, difficult, uncomfortable process because we’ve all got to get much more honest, much more real to get going together. Just do whatever we can to stop the human race. Committing suicide and matricide.

Thal:                 

We’ve done the physical destruction, the environmental destruction, destruction of ideas, and now it’s our psyche that we need to salvage.

Andrew Harvey:           

Well, Jung said the history of humanity is hanging by a thread and that thread is the the thread of the psyche. Well, that thread is fraying and now tiny little bits are left and the frays altogether, the world’s finished. Every animal will die. Every plant will die. We will die. The seas by 2049, the major scientists say, will have no, no fish in it. I was talking to a very important, I wish I could say his name, but it was a private conversation last week. He’s probably one of the world’s leading scientists with the men’s (inaudible) and he said that the recent report of the UN, which said we have 12 years is not true. We have seven years and a lot of information is being deliberately kept back from the public, the powers that have control over the the information are terrified that when the public really knows what’s really happening, there would be madness and riots on the street. That’s where we really are. We’re about to go through a massive 50 gigaton burst of methane from from the melting Tundra in the Arctic, which has been keeping back a lot of methane gas and it’s now warming up and it’s going to release more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than has been released since the beginning of the industrial revolution. We have no idea what’s this going to mean? This is very sobering, but my belief is that we don’t need to be paralyzed by this. We need to be activated by this and not by rage, but by joy, by love for everybody, our friends, our family, animals, and that love has to be experienced in rawness and then lived in sacred action. That’s why I’ve devoted my life to what I call sacred activism, to help people experience this deep, embodied, passionate, raw love that is divine love for each other and for everything, and then realize that love is not completely real until its become active.

 If you weren’t doing this podcast out of pure love, you wouldn’t be real. You’d still be having emotions and indulging in your emotions, but you have put yourself out there so bravely. That’s sacred activism, that’s stepping up that’s saying, not in a bossy way, saying that we care and we want you to care and we want to hear how you care. We want to help you care more and so that we can care more so that we can come together more to do more together to really wake the human race up and give people hope and energy in a time of despair so that instead of being paralyzed by this exploding crisis, we use it in the deepest sense to get real, get down and get going. So there’s a huge birth taking place and we’re part of it. You and I and the people listening to this are a part a bit, and we can do this together.

Adrian:             

Can you talk more about radical embodiment because it is a thread that I’m hearing in Kabir’s poetry and what you’re saying right now, this is not intellectualizing our way out of the mess it is.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s what created the mess.

Adrian:             

It is not an ascending path. It sounds like it’s a dissent. It’s coming down.

Andrew Harvey:          

It’s both.

Adrian:             

What I was just going to say, what I heard last night when you were talking was to experience the ecstasy, but to bring that into the ordinary life and that sort of that downward energy, bringing it into the body and through our actions is how we’re going to be able to get get through to the next, to the other side of this evolution.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s so beautiful. I’m so glad you heard that because what’s happening in a lot of New Age spirituality is that we are using the ecstasy as a drug to leave being here to get out of being here and to go to some other where this is disembodied ungrounded spirituality. It’s actually a higher form of narcissism and it’s very dangerous because it’s using the highest experience for not the highest ends, the real way as it’s been shown us, by the great prophets and the great embodied divine mystics such as Jesus and the Prophet, peace be upon him, and Rumi and Kabir and other great women masters like Teresa of Avila. The real way is to allow yourself to experience that ecstasy, and be taken to the source of life itself that is ecstatic love and ecstatic joy and then through opening completely allow that ecstasy and that joy to irradiate your mind, to come down into the depths of your heart and open your heart completely to its presence in every living thing and every flea and in every stone.

 The ecstatic light is actually the source of everything. Everything is crystalized light energy and this is what quantum physics is discovering now, so science and mysticism are revealing the same paradoxical, amazing reality that everything is energy, light-energy, then, and this is what the embodied mystics tell us, the great masters of embodiment and Jesus is one of them, and the Prophet, peace be upon him is another and Kabir is another. Then it needs to come down into the depths of the body itself because the body is secretly crystalized light-energy also in experiencing that in the depths of your cells, grounds you, makes you strong, makes you powerful, makes your love real and that love cannot be completely real and completely the embodied until it is acted on in a passion for justice and in a compassionate passion of love towards all beings.

Not just human beings, but animals, insects, everything. That’s the complete human divine experience and that’s the one that is struggling to be born against immense odds on the earth and actually our crisis which seems so horrific and is so horrific, is perfectly designed to be the birthing canal of this because nothing else could possibly work in our situation. When you’re in increasingly that state of radical love embodied in the mind and embodied in the heart, embodied in the body and embodied in real sacred action based on your own deepest talents and your deepest abilities. You don’t care whether somebody is a Muslim or a Hindu or a Christian or an atheist. You don’t care whether they agree with you or don’t agree with you. You all you see is that the world is dying and that you need to put love into action in your own unique way with your great heart friends and that that’s the only game in town.

That is the most important possible thing that you could do with your life at this moment. When you get that, it actually gives you enormous joy and peace and strength and passionate energy. Even in the middle of all of this despair, so you instead of being somebody who gets despairing and paralyzed and adds to the problem, you become someone who takes water to the thirsty, who can go to visit a friend who’s going through a massive depression because they feel that they can’t do anything and say, don’t be fooled by the fact that the world may be ending. Don’t let that depress you. Don’t let that stop you discovering who you really are. Join me. We’ll do it together. I’ll help you get catch flame with eternal joy and we will do something fabulous together and we’ll make creative projects together and even if it all goes and it might, we won’t have wasted our lives because we will have lived our lives in joy and peace and resilience and passion and really found meaning and above all have loved each other, truly.

Thal:                 

In a way that’s piercing through the veils to get to the gem…living that way. When we are talking about sacred activism and spiritual bypass in the New Age movements. It’s also important to recognize that there is a lot of problematic things happening within activism too.

Andrew Harvey:          

What would you say they were?

Thal:                 

Well, it’s the sacred aspect is missing.

Andrew Harvey:          

What does that lead to in your opinion in activism?

Thal:                 

A lot of reactionary behavior and a lot of ego inflation.

Adrian:             

And not acknowledging the shadow or integrating it because that is where the gifts come from. I mean, we talk about the light coming out of the darkness. But if we don’t acknowledge it, if you don’t even talk about it, then we’re being very naive about the situation.

Andrew Harvey:          

And we’re in a way indulging in self-righteousness and making ourselves feel good by denouncing other people. You know, the traditional mystics have had the shadow of wanting to go off into the light and not be here in relationships and responsibilities to the real world. That’s been the shadow of all the patriarchal mystical systems. The activists as they’ve evolved have had the shadow of self-righteousness, of blaming others, of wanting to feel above the others because they’ve got the real skinny and everybody else is just hopelessly deluded. Both are afflicted by profound kinds of narcissism and very dangerous kinds of narcissism. The danger of the mystics narcissism is that it is drained this world a bit sacred significance. It’s demonized the body. It’s made relationships part of illusion instead of the place where we learn so many wholly and important truths. It’s made a world in which animals are treated as inferior to us because we’re supposed to have the superior consciousness with the disastrous genocidal results that we see.

That’s the responsibility of those mystics who got addicted to transcendence, but the activists have also got a tremendous responsibility for the darkness of this situation because instead of really staying humble and loving and compassionate while pursuing just courses, they have been very often beacons of ego-ridden jostling amongst themselves and also deep self-righteousness so that they put off people who would otherwise want to join them. Who would want to be somebody who is self-righteously demonizing and denouncing every other human being that doesn’t agree with them. Every normal human being knows that that’s not the way so activists are their own worst enemies. The amazing thing is, and this is where sacred activism is so important, is that you if bring the best of the mystic, which is the passion to unite with God, it’s source of reality together with the best of the activist, the passion to uphold the truth of justice, which is a noble holy passion and don’t deny activists that they do have that.If you bring them together, then you have a whole truth. You have people who are deeply grounded and rooted in the sacred, humbled before the sacred, deeply aware that they need to constantly vigilantly work on their selfishness, on their self-rightousneess, on their desire to demonize others instead of recognizing others as aspects of themselves and you have people committed to putting the sacred into living wise, focused radical action. And that’s the new kind of human being that’s been born now, and it cannot be born either through the old mystic way or through the old activist way, but it can be born through this mysterious fusion that happens and we’ve seen it work. Gandhi was that kind of person. Gandhi’s genius was that he didn’t demonize the British. He knew exactly how dangerous the British were… I come from an imperial family. I was born to an imperial family, I have got the scars on my psyche to prove it, so I know how dangerous the British were…

Gandhi’s genius was to say to the British, I honor you, I don’t hate you. I just think that you’re not living up to your own deepest principles because you’re telling us that you’re the apostles of democracy and freedom. Whereas the democracy in India and where is the freedom in India? So that was amazing because the British would have been a lot more comfortable had Gandhi been demonizing them all the time. He made them deeply uncomfortable because he held up a mirror to them of their own deepest principles. And then very tenderly said to them, I honor these principles, they’ve changed my life, but where are you acting on them? And he then brought in a whole extraordinary system of the profound sacred activism, which was called Satyagraha, soul force, which was a commitment to nonviolent resistance. It wasn’t just sitting passive and praying.

They would go out in the streets and risk their lives, but they would never fight back because they knew that fighting back could activate tremendous violence and that violence of any kind would lead to more violence. Over time, this astounding practice unseated the biggest empire, the most powerful empire the world has ever seen. So it works. We’ve seen it work. We saw it work too with Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King said to the whites, are you crazy? You’re supposed to believe in Jesus and you’re treating your black brothers and sisters like worse than dogs. He said to the blacks, I know why you hate the whites, but the way through is never the way of hatred. We have to love our white brothers. Both resisted him until they realized that he was holding the mystery of the authentic Christ consciousness. That’s why Martin Luther King has been such a source of inspiration and that’s why America hasn’t yet there may still descend into a bloodbath because Martin said to both sides, we’ve got to go forward to honoring the truth of love in action. We’ve seen it work in Poland with Lech Wałęsa, nonviolent resistance fortified by deep spiritual strength works to unseat terrifying difficulties if it’s put into practice by people who are disciplined, humble, constantly working on their shadow, and constantly constantly opening up deeper and deeper to divine love. This is the only thing that can work in a situation like ours for the simple reason is that the dark has all the power. If we get violent and crazy, they’ll just shoot us in the streets. They will get rid of us in a second. Why wouldn’t they but if we rise from the depths of our truth together, loving, even the perpetrators and the tyrants, even extending love and hope and possibility to them, constantly saying to them, why do you choose this miserable lust for power when you could be living the life of the illumined heart? Why do you choose your Malibu mansions with their fortresses when you could actually be dancing with us in the dance halls of ecstasy? Why do you choose a narrow life rooted in selfishness when you could live the life of expansive truth?

Thal:                 

Andrew, you bring up so many important issues that are at the heart of what’s happening nowadays. I don’t even know what to say but there are so many things that are charged out there. As we’re speaking, people are having twitter wars, Internet wars, on the issues that you brought up. I think part of the path is shadow work, not I think, it is part of the path. Shadow work includes also the psychological aspects. In a way it’s the merging of the psychological and the spiritual. We have to recognize, too, that people do carry their individual traumas and if people don’t address those individual wounds then they create some of the thickest veils and it’s just wallowing in narcissistic wounding and just perpetuating…

Andrew Harvey:          

Haven’t you done that yourself?

Thal:                 

I have and that’s where I’m speaking from.

Andrew Harvey:          

I think it’s important to say that yes, I think you we all are attempted, like you said, you had this period of dogma.

Thal:                 

Exactly.

Andrew Harvey:          

That is because you were wounded and you needed certainty and you needed to get out of your wound too soon.

Thal:                 

I needed clear answers and it was a comfort.

Adrian:             

We were just saying this morning that at the time was a shield for you, protected you, but it became your prison. There has to be a time that we are ready to let go of the shield.

Andrew Harvey:          

Maybe that is what you’re feeling too in this rawness, you’ve had the shield of secularism and now that’s going. We all have shields and they’re created out of our trauma. There is this amazing teacher. I hope you know him. His name is Jeff Brown and he’s just about to produce this incredible book called Grounded Spirituality. And Jeff has an extraordinarily rich and detailed and profound vision of how we really need to pay attention to the traumas and the physical blocks that make us addicts of certainty that is disembodied because otherwise we will never get to a place where we’re just human beings, ragged human beings in an endless process, helping each other through love and through communion grow in this amazing experience. It is divine human life, but that takes a lot of work. It is painful to confront the pain of the past and it’s very humbling journey.

Thal:                 

I also want to mention that we need to recognize that what we’re talking about is not reaching a perfected states. That we will still care about the little things in life and that that’s part of the path. It’s okay to want the finer things in life and that’s okay too…It doesn’t mean rejecting everything.

Andrew Harvey:

Oh no, that’s part of the patriarchal separation too, isn’t it? It’s more than that. We are looking for wholeness, not perfection, only the Divine is perfect. As Jesus says, you know, as someone is trying to praise him. He says, oh, stop it. You know, my righteousness is as rags before the Lord. If you don’t know that about yourself, you know nothing and it makes you pompous and the secret guru trying to lord it over others and that’s catastrophe. In fact, those failings or what we call failings keep us human. When you suddenly want to get crazy and angry at somebody and you stop it, I hope, but then you realize, oh my God, I’ve got to be vigilant on this side of myself and I’ve got to explore more the wound that comes from this.

Thal:                 

Yes, there goes my anger. There goes my jealousy. There it goes like these things don’t go away. It’s part of being human.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, but you do get modest with some of them and you do get really clearer and clearer indications of where they come from on the torment of your past, and that is the beginning of liberation because instead of indulging them, you can look at them compassionately. You could even have compassion for yourself getting angry because you realize that that was because you were locked in a room, or your mother abandoned you, or you were treated like garbage. So you can be the mother to your own self and slowly, slowly those bursts will get less and more and more controlled. You will have, not in a patriarchal way, but in a wave of compassionate restraint of the dark in yourself, and this is a phenomenally, that makes you really happy when that starts to happen and that’s the great advantage of living to an older age. You will think, oh yes, I’m not condemned to be me all the time, I can expand this. I don’t have to act as I did in the past. It can be changed.

Thal:                 

When I tell some of my friends, I actually can’t wait to grow older. I’m hoping that some of my neuroses will diminish as I grew older. Hopefully.

Andrew Harvey:          

And they may become more fruitful. It wouldn’t probably diminish, but you’d be able to be more compassionate towards them.

Thal:                 

Sometimes it feels like when will this go away? When will this anger go away?

Andrew Harvey:          

Anger is not wrong, it is, part of patriarchy has be to say that anger is always wrong. Anger is sometimes the sacred passion in you waking up. It’s conscience speaking. It’s saying, this has got to stop without transformed anger. We can’t go forward if you’re just angry. We demonize, but if we’re not angry, we can be very passive in the face of massive injustice. The trick is to find sacred anger. Jesus was angry at amazing moments when the moment when he overturned the tables in the temple, but his anger was a gift to those who were doing that garbage because he was saying to them, is this what you’re going to try and do? Sell God in the temple? Are you out of your minds? He was trying to help them. He was trying to reach them. He was not trying to kill them. He was trying to break through that complacency and they agreed to reveal the possibilities of a much larger life. I’ve seen the Dalai Lama wildly angry. I mean, you may find that amazing because the Dalai Lama is so beautiful and so, but the Dalai Lama has sacred anger. Every great teacher has to have sacred anger and every great human being has to have it, but it has to purify the sources of that anger, so it becomes the anchor of truth and not the expression of neurosis.

Adrian:             

That’s the title. Turn Me to Gold. The transformation. The dark with the goal emerging from the dark.

Andrew Harvey:          

The great discovery of the path of embodiment is that it isn’t the light alone that does the work. The dark is also sacred. Your lust is sacred. Your anger is sacred, not as they are in their raw state, but as they will be. When lust is turned into a passion to communicate and to reach out, and when anger into a clear voice of truth, calling people to sacred action, that’s the turning to gold so you don’t reject things because you can’t get rid of them. You can amputate these things that belong to you because the light and the dark meant to dance inside you. What you can do through increasing experience of light is strong in clarity so that you will know the difference in your lust between the lust for power and the deep passion to reach out and communicate and you’ll choose the second, not only because it’s the right thing to do, but because it gives you more joy and it doesn’t end in suffering and that is a very subtle operation, but it can happen, but it has to happen through being compassionate to yourself.

 You have to be compassionate to why you are so wounded in some ways, but you have not got to have idiot compassion and just say, well, I was wounded so therefore I have absolutely every right to be as angry as I want. You’ve got to start working with your anger and neither reject it nor embrace embrace it, but work with the mystery to transmute it into golden anger, the golden anger of Rumi, the golden Anger of Shams, the golden anger of the Prophet, peace be upon him, the golden anger of Jesus, the golden gorgeous lion anger of Kabir, my God, that majesty of Jalal, isn’t it?

Adrian:             

I’m mindful of time and I want to make sure that you get a chance to share. We’re mindful also of young listeners, young seekers out there. I mean, right now we’re talking to a living legend and elder, you know, is there anything that you feel is really important that they hear right now? You know, the young generation, the next generation of activists that you would like to get across.

Andrew Harvey:         

I think the most important thing that I could say to you is that the most single important thing that you need is a simple daily spiritual practice because you’re going into the most profound crisis that humanity has ever faced. I believe in you. I believe in the strength in you. I believe in the courage that you have. I think you are amazing, but I want you to be shielded by deep spiritual knowledge. I want you to be balanced in the depth of yourself because you’re going to need that knowledge and that piece and that strength so much because there were many defeats before, great victories and you need to be able to endure those defeats without losing your hope, and you can only endure the defeats that are inevitable because this, the people in power, the dark forces in power and they are dark.They are not going to yield easily.However, right you are…however, beautiful you’re actions are. They going to hold onto power and they are going to be very unscrupulous and contribute to a great deal of suffering. So prepare yourselves without being afraid and know that if you do deep spiritual practice in faith, you will be given unimaginable strength and unimaginable power and over time your deepest impulses will become realized and you will be the pioneers, wholly new way of being and doing everything. If you want the most beautiful possible statement of this, read the Dalai Lama’s new book, which is addressed to you from the holiest man on the planet and the wisest man on the planet who’s really lived through everything. It’s called a call for revolution and it’s a magnificent statement of everything I’ve just said. He says it from the authority of his absolutely amazing life and he says it with such humanity and such belief in you.

I share his belief. The other thing that’s very important, I think now is to realize that it can only be done by all of us together. You need us and we need you. You need to listen to the old ones who’ve been through a great deal and who have certain marvelous things to share with you. I know you must think our generation is catastrophically self-absorbed and I don’t blame you because the baby boomers so signally failed you, but there’ve been some of us who have known this throughout this long orgie of greed and we’ve been fighting in the trenches. Sometimes I’d say very painfully and unsuccessfully for a long time, but some of us have come to a place of resolution and real joy and real knowledge and we have priceless things to share with you and what you have to give us is you. Your beauty, your intelligence, your passion, your incredible desire to change this world and between you and us, we can help and then stick the world wake up. Don’t abandon your elders and don’t go with the boring old elders who think they know anything. Go with the elders who are really on fire with love and wanted to give you the very best of what they know in the very best way because we all are ready to serve you, to help you to be at your feet, to give you everything we know, because we know you’re going to need every bit and what we know to go forward and be the pioneers of the new.

Thal:                 

Uh, wow. Thank you so much.

Adrian:             

Thank you so much. Thank you. Bless your soul.

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, I’m here and I’m not the only one, obviously. There are lots of us out here who are absolutely crazy about you and want to be of help to you and want to learn your language to be of help to you because we were brought up in a different language and are prepared to listen deeply to find out how we can translate what we know into ways that you can get, but we’ve learned timeless truths and it’s cost us our many nights of pain and heartbreak. Don’t waste our suffering because it’s born this in us and we want to give it to you because you are going to go through even greater suffering and you will need it.

Adrian:             

Thank you for paving the way. I mean just to activate, to break the inertia to get things going.

Andrew Harvey:        

That was my job. That was the job of our generation. There are many of us on the planet now and we’re ready to help and it was a terrible job because it’s been the most appalling suffering. Seeing my generation conspired with the death of the planet through greed and vanity and the New Age garbage and all the rest of it, but it has woken some of us up and it has given us absolute resolution to continue until we die as sacred activist. I’m not retired. I’m not giving up even if I’m in a wheelchair, I’ll be speaking truth to power. There’s one nun and I met who’s 95 called sister Rosa. Oh my God.

She’s in a wheelchair and she lives in Ohio and every time everything goes bad in Ohio. Sister Rosa wheels herself to wherever it’s going bad and she talks to the cameras and she just lays it on them. You cannot imagine she’s not giving up. I’m not giving up. I’ll be there until the end with you, so will all of us who are like me and who really know that everything is at stake now, but also everything is possible in an unimaginable way.

Thal:                 

May we be ready to receive.

Andrew Harvey:          

And may we be ready to listen and ready to truly hold all the young in our arms and really instead, not from a position of superiority, but from a position of deep compassion.

Thal:                 

From a position of mutuality?

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, we need each other. Yeah. I’m bored to death with the baby boomers and most people between 35 and 70 seem to be dead at this moment. They bought into the corporate mess, so the people are going to really shift this. There are some amazing people in their forties. I must say who are waking up, but it’s the young who are going to carry the horror.

Thal:                 

I am actually 37.

Andrew Harvey:          

You know what I’m talking about. They bought the let’s go out and make money and eat, drink and lets marry. Everything’s ending. We can’t do anything. Let’s just sit in our yachts and watch the world burn. This is a sick and decadent response and I have nothing. There’s nothing you can do with those people except hope God bashes them on the head with a saucepan.

Adrian:             

The bitch slap,

Andrew Harvey:          

Of course God is capable of that, so some of them may wake up and be amazing radicals soon. You never know anything can happen, so nobody’s left out of our embrace, but the chances are slim in the cases of most of the people, but the younger in this state of confusion and despair, which is a very fertile state for true transformation. Now we need to really give them everything we can to help encourage that and the poetry of Kabir and the poetry of Turn Me To Gold and the poetry of Rumi will be such a wonderful way to do that and music and dance, which are the traditional ways anyway, because the Bushman used that. I think young people are much more likely to be inspired by poetry and sacred music and sacred dance, sacred physical activity like sacred yoga than they are to be by people pontificating them about religious platitudes and dogmas. They know all that stuff is horse manure. They want the real stuff. They want the real experience and some of us who are not yet in wheelchairs who can actually help them arrive there. So count me in.

Adrian:             

You can dance in your wheelchair too. So that’s fine.

Andrew Harvey:          

I know I can. I know lots of people who do actually.

Thal:                 

Can you recite one of Kabir’s poems as a closing?

Andrew Harvey:       

Absolutely. What shall I do? I will recite the first poem I ever heard from him, which is still my favorite of his poems actually. Whenever I try to look for a poem in my book, it hides from me. This is Kabir’s game you see. It’s such an incredible poem. Oh, so beautiful. This is for all of you young people. I hope you. I hope you can hear it in such a way that you realize this is truth speaking and this is your truth. This is what if you take the path humbly, you will found out I found this out and I was crazy as a loon when I was young and didn’t believe in anything but life brought me to my knees and I opened my heart to the beloved. The beloved took me to awakening, so if it’s possible for me. It’s possible for you. Go for it.

The beloved is in me and the beloved is in you. As life is hidden in every seed, so rubble your pride, my friend, and look for him within you. When I sit in the heart of his world, a million suns blaze with light, a burning blue seas spreads across the sky. Life’s turmoil, falls quiet. All the stains of suffering wash away. Listen to the unstruck bells and drums. Love is here. Plunge into its rapture. Rain’s poured down without water rivers are streams of light. How could I ever express how blessed I feel to revel in such fast ecstasy in my own body? This is the music of soul and soul meeting, of the forgetting of all grief. This is the music that transcends all coming and going.

 Kabir is not escaping into ecstasy. Kabir is embodying that ecstasy and then living out a life of profound, beautiful service to all beings grounded in that joy. There is a way to stay in that joy, my dear friends, even in the middle of the crumbling and burning up the world. Find that way. You’re going to need it, and if you find that way and act from that, miracles will happen. Just wait and see.

Adrian:             

Thank you so much, Andrew, to be continued.

Andrew Harvey:         

 I hope so. You’re beautiful people. I’m honored to be with you. Thank you. God bless you.

#7: Mental Game with NBA Strength Coach Drew Cleary

To be in a Flow state is to be in that moment where you lose all concept of time and become engrossed in the activity at hand. It is that moment when you even lose your awareness of yourself. Many artists, writers, and creative types concur. 

Flow state is also accessible to athletes. It becomes this meditative state that players competing in a sports game may find themselves in – totally attuned to their skills, and to their teammates. After all, sports are about being entirely in the moment: embodied, focused, and highly aware.

On this episode, Adrian does a solo interview with Drew Cleary. Drew worked as a Strength and Conditioning Coach in the NBA for 18 years. In his career, he has worked with over nine Hall of Famers and personally trained athletes like Scottie Pippen and Monica Seles.

Enjoy!

Highlights

  • Working in the NBA
  • Coaching Flow State
  • Scottie Pippen Stories
  • Veteran Mentorship for Rookies
  • Changing Attitudes Toward Mental Health in Sport

Resources

Listen:

An Original Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Adrian

Drew, welcome to the show.

Drew

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Adrian

Yeah man I’ve been looking forward to having this conversation with you so we can talk hoops, performance and life in general. But actually one thing I never asked you personally is from one basketball fan to another, when did you first develop your love for the game? You know, what was that like when, I’m assuming it was early in your life?

Drew

Yeah, I’m from Australia originally. I grew up in a very small town, about 30,000 people south of Sydney in Australia and I was a soccer player when I was a little kid and um, every team in Australia, every town has their own home team and that team has an American or two on it. And so there was an American that came out at the time I was about 11 or 12, his name was Dennis Caron and he lived with my family for a year and had a profound influence on me making me have an appreciation for basketball. My mother and father were involved in basketball, but I played soccer and he lived with us and he became like a big brother to me and that’s kind of what turned me into loving basketball more than anything else was, you know, I have two older sisters but I didn’t have any brothers and it was like a bonding experience for me to have this person in my life and that’s kind of how I got started into basketball. I gave up soccer and started playing basketball and then when I was 18, I got a scholarship to come over to the United States and play basketball. That was kinda where I got my start and how things come to evolve for me.

Adrian

That’s awesome. So he was clearly one of your heroes or mentors growing up. What was the age difference? How much older was he?

Drew

He would have been in his 30s at that point. Um, you know, when you’re a little kid, you know, you don’t really, you don’t understand that you’d like to play golf. And uh, I played a lot of cricket and so I was a wicket keeper in cricket and so we had this big field next to the basketball stadium and he would go out and bring these golf clubs out there and he hit golf balls towards me and I would catch the balls with my wicket keeping gloves, you know, probably probably child abuse today, but you know, they’d be these balls flying out towards me and I would catch the balls and put them in a bucket and collect the balls. It’s like a little brother, you know, like, just happy to be along for the ride and you know, he found ways to include rather than exclude me like saying “get lost a little kid” , you know, he was very friendly and you know, to the point where he was, he’s always remained in my life. I recently spoke with him we haven’t lost contact. He’s always been a piece and a part of my life. Not just my life, but my family’s life. He lives up in Vermont and I went up, visited with him a few years ago and I know his kids and his wife and it’s a relationship that’s lasted several decades, obviously 30 years. It’s a, at least a 30 year relationship. So, very influential on me and the reason that I went into basketball for sure it was because of him.

Adrian

That’s beautiful. So you were playing basketball in college and I guess at what point did you set your focus on working in sports because you later went off and did a masters in sports science. And so when did you know you wanted to get into the field professionally?

Drew

Oh, I didn’t really know to be honest with you. I never.. I came to the United States with obviously with the aspiration of playing in the NBA because every kid thinks that he can play in the NBA, you know, like, I know there was an assistant coach that I work with in the NBA told me one time that every kid that starts at a D1 program in the United States right now thinks he can play in the NBA. Well, there’s like 300 D1 programs, so that means there’s 1500 kids today that think they can play in the NBA when this 60 slots in the draft, you know, of which 15 are going to be foreign, you know, like the probability of you planning the NBA is astronomically small. But you know, I came with aspiration but I’m never really had a inkling of playing in the NBA. Like once I started playing in college I realized that I wasn’t going to be a pro and education was going to be important, but I enjoyed the training component of it. The performance component of it. Really the most… the point in my life where it turned was when I was finishing my master’s degree at Boise State University and my father who was a president of a university in my hometown, a very influential person in my life, had two PhDs and education was a big part of his life. We had a phone call, I had a phone call with him one day and I was confused. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and, and he had always told me when I was a little kid that if you can turn your hobby into your occupation you’ll never feel like you’re going to be at work and if you never at work then it won’t feel like a job. And so he had said to me, I’ve always told you from the time you were a little kid, you know, like you need to turn your hobby into your occupation and you know, like, I’m going to ask you a couple questions, like, what do you like to do? I said I liked to play basketball, lift weights. And he said then you should find an occupation that involves playing basketball and lifting weights and now he had no idea of anything about strength and conditioning or athletic training or sports performance or any of those things because like you need to figure out what you can do. And it was like, you know, do those jobs exist? It’s like, well you know, there’s strength coaches. He goes “if I was you, I’d start at the top. What’s the top?” I said, the NBA. He goes, “what’s the next?” I say college. “What’s next?” High school. “If the NBA don’t want you, go to college. If college don’t want you, go to high school. If high school don’t want you, you have, you need to figure something else out”. So I wrote nine letters to nine western conference teams because I was in Boise and I told them, you know, like at the time the Seattle Supersonics, the Portland Trailblazers, the LA teams, the Sacramento team, Phoenix I think was one of them. I think I wrote to Chicago. So there was one eastern conference team and I just told them my story. Uh, you know, I’m an immigrant. I came to Australia. I played basketball in college and I’m done and I have a Master’s degree in Exercise Physiology and I’d love to come work for free, you know. I’ll throw myself at the mercy of… I just want to learn the trade, you know, and, I’ll survive somehow some way because I always have been able to do that and you know, just let me come learn from you guys. And surprisingly, I got six responses from the nine teams and one of the teams that I got a response from was the Portland Trailblazers and the guy that was there at the time, his name was Mick Smith. I literally packed my stuff up within a week and just jumped in a U Haul truck and whatever I had I took with me to Portland and I started working there for free. You know, and I was only there a very short period of time. He had said to me, “hey, perhaps you’d like to come to summer league with us because it was around may or June and Summer League is around that timeframe, June or July. So maybe I was there two months. At the time Summer League was in Salt Lake City, Utah, and he said to me, you know, like, we can’t give you any money but you know, you can fly over with us and we’ll give you a per diem. Per diem in those days was like $60, which was a ton of money to me. Like I’m good. 60 bucks a day man I’m good. Now, per diem in the NBA is like $140, but I literally lived off per diem for that couple of weeks. And while I was out there, I had an opportunity to meet with the owner of the team at the time, who recently passed away Paul Allen. And then, um, he asked me if I was interested in working with a friend of his Monica Seles who is a Hall of Fame tennis player. And I said, yeah, of course. And so that’s where my career started. I was literally an unpaid intern for a couple of months and two months later I was training a hall of fame tennis player on the road with her. And that’s how my career began.

Adrian

Wow. So what was your responsibility with Monica Seles? Were you the main personal trainer?

Drew

Yeah, I was a personal trainer, she had a very well known incident at the time. She had been stabbed by some crazy guy during an event and she had sat out of tennis for a little while when she was looking to get back into shape. So through that relationship with Paul, I went down and met with her in San Diego, La Costa, very nice country club then where she was playing in a tournament. And the agreement was I train her for a week. And if she liked me, I’d stay and if it didn’t work out, I’d go back to the Trailblazers and be an assistant back there. And we kind of hit it off. And I just continued to travel with her for quite a while. It was a really fun time in my life, I got to go to all different places in the world with her. She’s probably one of the nicest human beings I’ve ever met. She was, you could tell that she was a great person, not by just my interaction with her, but how the general public received her. She was was very well received by the public and the fans, you know, she was just adored like a princess, and she was a very easy person to talk to and communicate with. I really enjoyed my time with her. She was a very competitive, intense person that, you know, was very easy on the side, very easy person to deal with it. It was a great time in my life.

Adrian

What do you feel like you learned during that time working with Monica that really prepared you for the NBA because you returned back to the League after that?

Drew

Yeah. She taught me a lot of things. First of all, her skill level was incredible. Um, she could do things that you would never see in real life, you know, on the television or when you watch her play. She showed me one time we were in Atlanta and she liked to like fine tune her skills by hitting the ball against this wall. And I’d never seen anything like this. Just her ability to stand three, four feet from a wall and off the volley off the half volley and side-to-side. It was a 15, 20 minute display of hitting a ball against a wall that your jaw was just dropping. She honed those skills in a very small town in Yugoslavia. She was originally from Hungary a little town called Novi Sad. And she used to hit the ball against the garage door. Her eye- hand coordination was, you know, her ability to pick up a ball at very short distances was something special. And just her competitiveness, you know. I remember we were at the Trailblazers one time and I took it into the back and show her the video room and stuff was where they break down film and stuff like that. And I asked her just casually like, do you watch film of your opponents? And she just matter of factly was like, “no, why would I watch film of my opposition? Like they need to watch film of me.” And it wasn’t swag, it was real confidence, you know, and she had told me before, the only time that she ever really watched film was when she felt like she wasn’t playing well, so she’d break out some old tapes of when she was at Wimbledon and you know, just to see herself performing at a really high level to get her confidence back, you know.

But other than that she didn’t really break film down of anybody or watch her opposition at all. So just her competitiveness and her self confidence of who she was as an athlete. And she was unbeatable. Which translated male, female basketball, tennis. It didn’t matter. That translated into the NBA. And when you saw players in the NBA, the really good players, there was a level of confidence that they had that they didn’t see the opposition really at all. They just went out and competed at a really high level because they were really confident in their own ability. So that was one of the things that I saw that translated very quickly was just to, you know, she’s a hall of fame player, she’s a hall of fame human being and I saw that translate from her to basketball very quickly and very easily. It was something that they both had in common and one’s a man, one’s a woman, one’s in basketball, ones in tennis. But the mindset was the same.

Adrian

Yeah, I definitely want to explore that with you. Fascinated with sort of the mental edge that some of these human beings seem to have that are you know, extraordinarily. But before we go there, I kind of want to go back and just have a chance for you to describe what exactly is a strength and conditioning coach. For those that might not be familiar, what is that role? And maybe walk through sort of the day, a day in a life, you know, what it’s like during the season and what does that job entail?

Drew

There’s two distinct days. The first day obviously is a game day and if you’re not on a back to back, if you haven’t played the day before, you go in in the mornings for shoot around and contingent on you know whether you’re on the road or at home. will determine the time. If you’re at home, usually you shoot from 10 to 11 and if you’re on the road you’ll shoot from 11 to 12. In that period of time, the players come in, they don’t get taped or anything like that. They just come in and watch a little bit of film on who we’re going to play and then they go out onto the court and depending on where we are in the season, earlier on in the season you may get some shots up, but later in the season it’s really just going over your offense and then going over whatever the other team’s going to run, what you’re going to see and how you’re going to defend it. Different players you give different looks to that. There’s three different types of looks on a screen: a hard show, an even show and then a soft show like someone that can’t shoot the ball very well, you go underneath the screen on them, so you kind of encouraging them to shoot the ball. But somebody that’s a really good shooter from the perimeter, you’re gonna try and put more pressure on the top of screen and rolls and most of basketball these days, uh, uh, looks out of screen and roll situations. That’s kind of why the Chicago Bulls success was a little bit different because they ran a lot of other different stuff, but the majority of basketball is running a pick and roll situations and so they kind of really just going over personnel and how are we going to defend different personnel and different situations. They’ll show it to them and film first and then they’ll go out on the floor and kind of go through it physically. I think athletes have a desire or a need, whatever you may want to call it, to feel the sensation of it and see it physically. It’s not just showing it on video or drawing it up on a whiteboard. It’s going out and kind of feeling what it’s going to be like, not at full speed, but just to go over, just to walk through it. Then the players will leave and go home or we’ll go back to the hotel and eat or whatever you kind of on your own. And then they’ll come back in the evening and depending on who you are as a player will determine where you where and what you do in the slots of the game itself. So the game is at 7:00, the first players will arrive around 4:30 4:45 and if they’re not going to play a lot of minutes that night, their time on the floor will be earlier. And then as you get closer and closer to the tip off the players that are going to play the majority of the game or do the majority of the heavy lifting, so to speak, they’ll have slots in the court where they go out and shoot for 10 to 15 minutes, usually alone with a specific coach that works with them on their game and they get specific shots that they’re going to take in the game and they try and get ready to play. From my capacity you know, like everybody’s kind of got a different programming. First of all, you’re working on what may be deficient within their system. Uh, so there’s some form of range of motion evaluation that we’re going to try and treat some kind of compensation pattern first to make sure that your symmetric and then if you’re a player that doesn’t play a lot, then there may be some component of actually trying to build something inside you because we can put a little bit more force through you because we know that you’re not going to take a lot of force tonight on the court. Um, and then the players that are going to play significant minutes, we’re more interested in making them feel good. The range of motion component becomes important and make them symmetric on both sides and feel good about themselves. And some players will actually like to lift before the game and when I say some, the majority of players when I was in the league, like 50, 60 percent of the players that played a heavy amount of minutes, will do something in the weight room before every game. Um, some more than others, but nothing like you would visualize at a health club or anything, you know, like one set of a push, one set of a pull, some form of shoulder stuff, bicep, tricep, something for their hip and their trunk, you know. Then you know, some form of stretch or PNF or forced eccentric, something to get the tissue to cooperate. You really just trying to make them feel good. And that was reciprocated a lot, you know, in the NBA a lot of the teams that had weight rooms in their arenas would let you come in within a certain timeframe to do that work. And we would tell the players that wanted to come in like, “this is the window that we’re operating in”. And they were very good at coordinating themselves to get it in if they wanted to get it in. So that’s kind of the schedule. That’s the way it’s set up. And then, you know, when 7:00 come, 7:30 comes. It’s showtime.

Adrian

Yeah, I know in sports, you often hear people talk about how it’s 90 percent mental, 10 percent physical or whatever the, you know, something along those lines. The term being “in the zone” is often used, right when people are performing at their peak, or the flow state. This is something that you studied in your master’s thesis. Could you talk about what the flow state is and how or what seems to contribute to it?

Drew

Yeah, when I wrote my master’s thesis, I used Chelladurai’s Leadership Scales, and Susan Jackson had written some flow scales. The flow scales are from a guy called Csikszentmihalyi, who kind of documented, I think there’s nine states of flow. It involves losing yourself in something, not having a concept of time and being completely indulged into this thing. And surprisingly enough, the place where most humans experienced this, the most often is reading when you get into a book that you really enjoy, next thing you know, you look up at the clock and an hour has passed and you don’t have this concept of time. You don’t have a concept of hunger or you don’t have a concept of distraction thinking about something else. You completely indulged in the act. Whatever the act may be. And the most commonly experienced place, like I said, is reading a book. Now in sports, when you get into it, um, there is a physical component to it. Like everything feels easy physically and you don’t, like in a basketball sense, you don’t see a defender, you’re just the, the hoop looks like a 10 foot circle and you’re throwing a tennis ball into a pool basically. Like you just feeling in this very confident place. And what my master’s degree was about was I was looking at collegiate basketball players, both men and women. And I was using Chelladurai’s Leadership Scales to determine how in alignment the athlete was with the coach’s message. Were they down with what the coach was talking about or were they not down with what the coach was talking about? And then using Susan Jackson’s flow scales from Csikszentmihalyi, trying to see if there was a correlation to the players that were in alignment with their coach’s message and how frequently they experienced flow and was there a correlation to players that did not understand their coaches leadership style and were they experiencing flowing less often. And obviously that’s not rocket science to figure out which ones experienced flow more often so this human interaction, this human performance was being dictated essentially by what connection I was having with this other human being. It wasn’t something that was insular within the individual. It wasn’t me just sitting there reading a book and getting indulged into this book and experiencing this flow state. What was creating this flow state in the individual was actually a relationship with another human being and in this case that the relationship between the player and the coach. Now I didn’t delve into the relationships between all of the players, which obviously could have also had some form of influence on this psychological and physiological state in the individual itself. But, essentially what I was looking at was, how do we motivate players to experience a high level of performance, this flow state, based upon this relationship. Like what it is that we’re talking about and some of the coaching that I had seen in the past, you know, the old school coaching where you “get into somebody! Toughness!” You know, “we’re soft!” All of those things that we’ve heard in coaching. The coaches are trying to make you tougher and make you play harder. But the reality of it was players didn’t really want to respond to that. So what I’ve found in the, leadership scales was that certain players would experience flow at a higher level if they were in tune with what it was that you were saying to them and how you were saying to it, how you were delivering what the message was and how the message was being delivered. And it was really interesting to see. It’s not rocket science to think that if you’re yelling at me and calling me names and pushing me down physically and emotionally, I’m probably not going to experience high performance states at a very high level. There is a fine line between that.oObviously I. I do understand that if you’re gonna, if you’re gonna make an Omelet, you’re going to have to crack a few eggs. I get that concept. It’s not all going to be hugs and kisses. We’re not going to make it to the finish line in that capacity. There are going to have to be moments when criticism is going to be alleged at people and you’re going to have to have some form of mental toughness to take that guidance. But within the parameters of that, all of the successful coaches that I’ve seen in the end that I’ve seen in college and not individuals that berate people and talk down to them. That’s not how you have success and that. That was kind of in alignment with what the research showed that that having some form of empathy and care towards somebody was going to improve or arouse their performance sensations. I was really lucky to work with the hall of fame coach and Orlando. His name was Chuck Daly, won a couple championships with the Detroit Pistons and I clearly remember we were at home and we had lost to the Clippers who were not very good at the time. Um, and we were walking out, I was just a young guy and we were walking out of the locker room after game and he’d gone into to greet the players, you know, like after the game. It was a bad loss, you know, we had really planned on winning that game and we did not win and we did not win convincingly. And he’s like, “all right, bring it in”. You know, like “tough night tonight”, you know, “let’s bring it back tomorrow. We got a game again tomorrow and let’s strap it up tomorrow and let’s go after tomorrow”. So the players brought it in and you know, “Magic on three, ooh ooh ooh” and we left. As we walked out, I said, “man, coach, I thought you were going to yell at them. Thought you’re going to go off on him”. And he’s “like, oh let me tell you something young fella. They know they messed up. There’s going gonna be times in the course of this that I’m going to have to get into them. There’s an 82 game season and you can fire off 8 or 10 bullets a year. One game out of 10 you can fire off a bullet at them. You can’t yell at him all the time. This is not a situation where I need to yell at them. They know that they messed up tonight. They know that they made some mistakes tonight. They know we should have won tonight. This is one of those situations where you’re holding the bullet back.” It was an eyeopening experience for me to understand that you don’t have to verbalize everything. You know, they did feel horrible because as a strength coach, you’re in and around the team, you know more about the team than anybody because you’re with them all the time, all the time and they’re in the weight room and that humans want to tell you things. They want to interact with you, they want to have a relationship with you. So as a strength coach you knew more about the players and more about the team than anybody else in the organization potentially. So there was a very eyeopening experience for me to understand that you don’t always have to berate someone or tell them that they made a mistake. They know when they’ve made a mistake. So he was really good at getting the most out of people. You know, he was a hall of fame coach, won a couple of championships. He had a lot of success. I felt really blessed to have been around him and seeing how somebody at a really high level like that conducts themselves more than anything else. He was a consummate professional and did he yell at players? Of course he did. Did he get pissed off in time outs? Of course you do, but at the same time did he lift people up? Yeah. And so that’s that dichotomy of relationship that I’m talking about knowing when to be aggressive and call someone out, but at the same time know when to lift somebody up and they’re the two things that, you know, seem to be shown in research in my master’s degree that if I’m in alignment with what you’re talking about, I’ll experience peak performance more often.

Adrian

Was there ever a time when you can recall when the entire team experienced flow? So not just the individual player but as an organization almost like an organism functioning at a very high level.

Drew

Yeah, when you get on a roll. You know, I got a couple of instances on that. First one, I was with Scottie Pippin for four years as a personal trainer and I remember asking him about the ’96 Bulls one time and he told me that, because that was the year they won 72 games, and he told me that they’d be warming up, he would look across the other side of the court and in his mind he’s like, “man, we already won”. He could literally look across the court and see the fear and intimidation in the other team and it was a supreme confidence and the supreme confidence didn’t necessarily come from an arrogance or confidence knowing that we’re just better than them. It was knowing that the cohesive unit, what they had on their side of the floor was unbeatable. He talked in depth about how people like Phil Jackson, the practices was all dedicated towards running their offense. And when they got out of practice and into the game, it was just such a natural extension of what they had done in practice. You know? So they didn’t have to create anything in game because they’d already seen these things in practice. It became like a mechanism and the trust that they had for each other, which turns into a special bond. And that special bond allows you to rely on your fellow teammate at a very high level, which creates this massive confidence and ability. You start winning 8, 10, 12 games in a row. You win games just on confidence. And I experienced that with a couple of teams. When we had Gilbert Arenas in Washington, you felt confident that we were going to win because we got Gilbert. I’m talking about Gilbert in his prime. When Gilbert was rolling, you know, it didn’t matter if it was end of quarter situations, low shot clock situations. We had a guy that could score on anybody at any time in any given moment. And you win a game just on his brilliance. And then that translates into confidence into other players. And next thing you know, Antawn Jamison’s scoring 50 points and Caron Butler is getting 35 a night and all of a sudden the whole team, the thing starts to get going and start to get rolling and you start being teams just on confidence, you know, and “the other team’s getting paid too! They’re all pros too! Down the hallway”, famous Flip Saunders line. Like “they’re pros down the hallway too! They’re getting paid too!” Everybody’s good. It’s not like a team that’s only won five or six games and another team has won 20, doesn’t have any talent on their team. They got tons of talent. They’re pros too. They got drafted too. They played at a high level in college too. Like there’s nobody in the NBA that’s not playing at a high level. So it really comes down to not the physical things, but you know, the mental things. Like what drives the physical? What kind of CPU you got a your computer? That’s what it really comes down to. When you look at the anthropometric numbers of NBA players, they’ve all got really long arms. Guess what? On average 6’7″ tall and they’re 7’1″ long. They’re four inches longer than their height on average. And when you see guys that played a very high level, the Pippins and the KD’s and the Kawhi Leonards, they got extraordinary anthropometric measurements. Their wingspans are 8, 10 inches longer than their height. They got extraordinarily large hands, you know, like they have anthropometric measurements that normal humans don’t have. Not to say that they’re the things that made them successful in the NBA because a lot of, a lot of NBA players have those things, but they’re the things that separate them from the rest of the crowd. What separates you from your own, um, union, the group, the NBA players? What separates them from those groups is the brain. How do I buy into what coach is talking about? How do I buy into what the general manager’s talking about? What does our team message, how do I buy into what it is that I’m trying to accomplish? You know the teams on the front of the Jersey, but it has Jordan on the back and there’s Pippen on the back, like they own half of that jersey. What is their take on how things are going to operate. Some guys are selfish, some guys are team guys, and how do we bring all of this together and it’s a really interesting dynamic that you have from the front office to coaching to players, to the support staff, the people that are around them and travel these guys and take care of these guys. How you’re either giving to the pie or in some capacity taking away from it. If you’ve got enough guys taking out of it doesn’t work and it doesn’t take much to get it off balance. So there’s a lot that goes into it. As you know, it’s a long year. Your season starts late September and if you go all the way it doesn’t end till the end of June. That’s a long time to spend with people and it’s every day. You know, I tell people all the time, you want Christmas off? This job, ain’t for you. You want Thanksgiving off? This job ain’t for you. You want New Years Day off? This job ain’t for you. You’re going to work every single day. And you know, it’s a great job. Like my father told me, turn your hobby into your occupation. I got to work in pro basketball for 18 years. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of work.

Adrian

I guess on the other side of flow, when a team is struggling, like they’re going through a slump, you know, maybe 10 games, 15 game loss, what have you seen that can really turn things around? To bring you out of the slump. Maybe from a mental aspect or from an organizational or cultural standpoint?

Drew

Um, yeah, you’re going to have to do it together. We’ll have to pick each other up. Um, sometimes you need a little luck. Sometimes you need a guy that can just get hot and sometimes a guy wins a game on his own, you know, like, which creates this togetherness like all of a sudden. I remember we were playing the Lakers in LA and Gilbert scored 60 points in LA and it was just amazing. He just won the game on his own and then the next night he scored like 50 in Phoenix. Just won that game on his own. And then that builds confidence. Like sometimes it can be an extraordinary individual performance. Sometimes the coaches can come up with a great defensive plan that really mutes someone on the opposition that was having a lot of success. Um, sometimes there’s a trade of some sort. All of a sudden you got some fresh blood in there, you could infuse new energy and bring a new view on culture to the team. There’s not just one way that you can break out of it. It’s a myriad of things that can take place during the course of a year. Because there’s so many things moving in so many different directions. You have 15 brains headed in so many different directions and that’s the biggest challenge in coaching in the NBA is to try and understand how do I get these brains headed in the same direction? How do I get them pulling for each other and if you got guys headed in different directions, it’s not successful. It can be the strangest of reasons for why things aren’t working out. You know, it doesn’t necessarily have to be that we’re just not good enough because that’s usually not the case. Usually there’s enough talent. It’s just we haven’t put it together correctly or it’s too young. I remember there was a coach that I work with in Washington, he was with the Warriors. At one point he was working in the front office and he use to say to me “yeah, you know, Drew, when I was working in the front office, I used to say to the coaches at the time, ‘put the young guys in. Put the young guys in,’ And now that I’m sitting on the bench and I’m coaching, I always saying ‘put A young guy in! Because when you go to like the younger guys, like, yeah, they bouncy but you’re not going to win many games with young guys. You’re going to win with vets and guys who know how to play and when you’re in the front office you want to see those young guys evolve and when you’re in charge of it and the records on your back, it’s like put A young guy in. Sprinkle in a couple of young guys. Let’s play the vets.

Adrian

Speaking of young guys, you got to watch a lot of these essentially boys become men. I mean, these 18 year old rookies coming into the machinery of professional sports, you know, with the money, the fans, the cameras… what have you noticed are common challenges that they go through in that transition when they’re forced into the machinery of the business.

Drew

Yes, there are 19 year old guys coming in. If you’re fortunate enough to get some first round pick guys that are lottery pick guys, the chances are they’re one year college guys in there into the league, you know, they, they are young. And how, what kind of habits did they start creating? You know, if you come onto a team where there are bad habits on that team where guys party a lot and go out and they, you know, they’re into some things that maybe are not more in alignment with a professional kind of viewpoint. Then they can quickly be dragged into that life and you can, you can see guys struggle and maybe not, maybe not reach the levels that they were hoping to get to and that as an organization hope that they would get to it because they become enamored with this lifestyle, you know, so at the most important thing is to have them come in and to start to have a veteran guy that knows how to prepare and cares about his body. What he eats, what he drinks, how often he sleeps, does he work on his game? Like a lot of the things that you don’t see that you only see on the television is when, when guys come to practice in the morning, if you’re a pro, if you want to have a long career, you’re going to come back at nighttime and you’re going to shoot. And I’m not talking about pump fake one dribble, pull up jumpshot and make 500. I’m talking about going in and making 500 shots from 15 to 18 feet just to keep your touch. My time there when I was with Scottie, he would go back to the gym every night, every night, we’d be back there if we weren’t playing and making 500 shots and he wasn’t, wasn’t at a full blown sweat, but this guy, he genuinely cared about the game when we were at home just kind of hanging out and he watched NBA basketball, he watched college basketball, he was a student of the game. You know, so you’re picking up pieces of, you know, tendencies of the opposition in tendencies of the other team by not just watching them from an analytic standpoint in film sessions with coaches, but you’re, you’re watching the game at home as a fan and because the way in which he sees the game, he’s able to pick up tendencies on guys that at some point during the course of the season he’s going to play against and realize, Oh man, I know the style. He likes to go left and she’d pull up shots going left. Wasn’t necessarily something that he learned from a film session. It was potentially something that he learned from just being a student of the game. You may see a move of that somebody does and be like, Oh wow, I like that! Back that up. Let me take another look at that and put that into your game. Gilbert arrays was notorious for that. He had this whole list of different things that he would work on. And he had different names for it. The Steve Blake Crossover, you know, the Michael Jordan had big hands and he had the ability to Suction Cup the ball. So instead of crossing over and like carrying the ball, like Allen Iverson did. MJ would suck the ball up and literally like lift it and put it over into a different spot, will give what I big hands. So he would come in and work on those things and those things were picked up, not necessarily in a team environment but in an environment of wanting to understand the game from their own self. So go back to the young guys, the young guys that are coming in. Do you surround yourself with a pro that really cares about the game and watches the game and is informed on the things that he eats? And do you surround yourself with that guy or do you surround yourself with the guy that likes to go to the club and get drunk and stay out all night because the one guy will have a much more profound, successful career than the other guy will. So how do you surround yourself as a young guy coming in with individuals that care about your professionalism? That becomes really an important aspect of your development. And I’ve seen both directions. I’ve seen guys that came in with a ton of talent that got caught up in some things that ended up kind of shortening their career and I’ve seen other guys that have come in and really surround themselves with, with consummate professionals and try to learn from frozen and had great careers as a result of that. So you see both sides of the. You try to encourage guys on organizations, try to encourage guys early on. Where they put guys lockers? That’s thought out. They’ll say, we’ve got this young kid coming in like let’s put him next to Antawn Jamison. Antawn Jameson was one of the most professional guys I was around. So got a young guy, a young draft pick coming in? Put him next to ‘Twan. ‘Twan will teach you how to eat right and come in and get things working and get his treatment and do the things that needs to be done. Lift weights, take care of his body, like will do the things that are going to be required of being a good pro. So there were a lot of things. Where they sit on the plane, you know, they try to match guys up, you know, big brother, little brother kind of situation. They try to encourage guys to be together. They try to create environments where that relationship can flourish. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t for whatever reason. So it’s very important. And the NBA, the league itself has recognized that. So they’ve been, they’ve encouraged teams to continue to use veteran guys by giving teams financial breaks for signing. Those guys know it’s cheap, but assign a guy that’s been in the league 10 years to a minimum deal than it is to sign other guys that you’ve been breaks on the salary cap because they’re trying to encourage this. This mentorship, this brotherliness where we can teach young guys to be successful and the best leaders on your team are not necessarily your best players on your team. You have the guys that galvanized teams are not necessarily your best players. When I was in Washington, we had a guy, Trevor Ariza that was a very galvanizing player. He had the ability to talk to all the players on the team and play as listen to what Trevor said and and he was very influential on them. Maybe he wasn’t our best player. You know Beal or Wall and those guys were probably more productive in terms of points per game and shots taken per game and all of those things. But in terms of who had the most influence in the locker room, Trevor had a very big influence in that locker room and so those guys become very important. They become kind of foundation guys in your organization to help you be successful down the line because when something goes wrong during the course of the season, coaches and general managers can’t always fix that. Sometimes the players have to fix it themselves and when you have guys and you’d seemed like that it can fix things, then they become very valuable to your organization and if they can play there even more valuable. The less they play, the less influence they usually have. So the whole thing is kind of, you know, it’s like anything else, like a family, you know, your little brother, you got to take care of your little brother and hopefully your little brother will grow up to be a productive member of the family and the society. But if little bro is, is hanging around the wrong people, then it doesn’t always pan out to be what you want it to be.

Drew

From the outside looking in. A lot of these pro athletes are revered as gods. I mean people, fans are worshiping these celebrities. As somebody who spent years in that world, can you share about the reality of the celebrity lifestyle, perhaps like the shadow side of that world that we don’t. You know, fans on the outside don’t typically appreciate.

Adrian

Yeah. They’re humans man. There’s a lot of different instances that I bumped into in regard to that. They like to have fun. They goofy. Some of them are more serious than others, but at the end of the day they’re just people that have an extraordinary talent and what I say that they have an extraordinary talent. What I’m really saying is that they had some physical gift that enabled them to be who they are, that they spent an inordinate amount of time honing that skill. You don’t just fall out of the womb and play in the NBA. You have to put an inordinate amount of time in to play at that very high level. And with that comes this level of fame and fortune, you know, part of that is debilitating. Because you can’t really do the things that you want to do, but because you so famous, everywhere you go. you’ll know you’re revered and in some cases hounded on some level. I remember it was Christmas Eve in Chicago and Scottie had gone back to Chicago for his last year. He called me and said, come on man, let’s go buy Christmas presents at the water tower place, which is this mall in Chicago. Like “it’s Christmas Eve!” Like “you’re going to see a thousand people following us.” So he shows up and he’s got this little hat and these glasses on and I’m like, “what do you think that hat and glasses are going to do?” “If it fools one person, succeeded if it fools one person!” We went into this mall and I turned around. At one point we will build into the Sharper Image. I’ll never forget this. The security guard was like “nah bro, you ain’t coming in here” because there was like 5,000 people chasing behind us like “Scottie!!”. So the environment that he lived and he lived in a bubble. It was very hard for him to be a normal person, particularly in most cities, but most particularly in that city, you know, in that timeframe, he was a god. He was a legend and he still is one of the best human beings I know, one of the best people I’ve ever been around. Generous and caring and you know, I saw him be a big brother to several players in the NBA, like most importantly probably within the timeframe that I spent with him was the relationship that he had with Zach Randolph and Zach just followed him around like a little puppy dog. Zach was a rookie, a year in Portland. It was around 2000 when he came into the league. And, uh, what Zack was able to take from Pip was important. Work ethic, being in the weight room and taking care of his body and being the best player that he could possibly be. Those relationships become really important. The fame part of it is just a byproduct of the skill level that you have. If you’re super skillful and you’re super successful, then there’s going to be a level of fame associated with that. How that manifests, how you deal with it, you know, that becomes part of it also. So, I dunno, the fame part of it, they’re just regular people, man. They have an extraordinary talent, but usually they have that extraordinary talent because they put an inordinate amount of time. One of the biggest misconceptions that people have is that the Scottie Pippen was a great basketball player just because he was born a great basketball player. There’s no such thing is that he put so much work and I saw it on a daily level, the amount of work that he put in and I was working with him towards end of his career when he was really just trying to maintain health and wellbeing to, to continue to play in the NBA and know when he was younger. He, the amount of time and effort he put in had to be immense because the time that I saw him putting in to putting it, putting in towards the end of his career was. It was crazy. You know, he was, he was dedicated to the game and it wasn’t always about being on the floor and and shooting baskets. It was watching film and being a student of the game and loving the game. If you love the game, the game will love you back, you know, and you had an immense amount of knowledge. It was fun to talk to him about different players and different teams and he saw the game differently because he, he was somebody that had an immense amount of knowledge about the game. That itself was a great historian, uh, you, you’d say, man, this guy is better than that guy and he’d be quiet for a second and then he’d go, no, no, I need to give you 10 reasons why that guy wasn’t better than the guy that you just said at the end of like, yeah, okay. Maybe he’s right because he was a student of the game. Um, the fame, you know, dictate that the fans dictate that, you know, what, how they perceive you, how they know that’s not necessarily up to you. So you got to put the time in. That’s the bottom line.

Adrian

Yeah, that’s such an important point. It reminds me of a quote I read in a book and it’s “to over idealize is to dehumanize” somebody, right? So really treating these people like humans and last year was kind of a big year where two of the star players in the league, DeMar and Kevin Love opened up quite publicly about their mental health issues. And that’s an interesting trend that we’re seeing, you know, as they’re setting this example for other professional athletes to possibly come out and humanize the image of the star athlete because they are like everybody else, you know, some of them also are dealing with things that are not always obvious outwardly. Why do you think this is happening right now?

Drew

I think as more guys come out, you know, it’s like anything else, you get comfortable. Guys were uncomfortable talking about this. “It’s not manly!” Like “I’m a punk, if I talk about that.” “You don’t have kinks in your armour when you’re the man! I’m the Mamba!” You know, like, “I’m impenetrable, I’m Zeus!” You know, like these things that we build about guys. To show any form of weaknesses, that’s showing your underbelly a little bit. “We don’t have any weaknesses, we’re impenetrable, we’re strong”. And I think as more guys come out and explain their struggles in their life, other guys potentially will have the confidence and the capacity to come out and share some of the things that have happened to them, um, in, in terms of just mental health and not just mental health, but other things in their life that have had profound influences on, on the direction and shape of their career that, that show them as humans more than anything else. It’s more about confidence than anything else. If you’re, if you’re terrified that you’re going to be ridiculed by your peers who will stay quiet no matter what, no matter what we’re talking about, whether it’s mental health or whether it’s something in your life, monetary or doesn’t matter what the issue is in your life. You’re going to tend not to talk about the things that are going to create ridicule within your peer group. As the peer group becomes more open about things that are taking place inside themselves. I think others tend to be more confident in sharing their experience and it becomes even more prominent if it’s from an individual of high stature. When we’re talking about DeMar DeRozan, and Kevin love, these are all stars. You know, these guys are meant to be the most impenetrable people, the most indestructible people. These guys are the Creme de la creme and when they come out and say, “you know what? Sometimes I’m down. Sometimes I need therapy. Sometimes I need medication. Sometimes I have periods of time that I’ve been very difficult for me where I haven’t wanted to get out of bed and guess what? I’ve had depression.” When people come out and a confident enough to share those experiences and they are. People are very high levels of gives other people confidence to come out and do the same thing and and, and share their experience, whatever it may be. So the more it happens, the more I think you have a free flow of information and hopefully our society will, will begin to less demonize it. You know, guess what, you do go through tough times in life and how you respond to those times and knowing that those times will will always be a part of you, has shaped who you are and how you respond to things later in your life will dictate how you’re able to deal with those things in and having a peer group and a group of individuals around you that are supportive of view and understanding of what’s going on. It’s less likely to have a disastrous effect. Whether it, whether it be through suicide or homicide or whether it just be through the inability to perform at a high level anymore and through anxiety, you end up not being able to play anymore. Creating these mental states that you can’t play anymore. So I think it’s very important for the peer group to recognize that these states exist and everybody goes through it. There’s points in your life where people pass away and your family and people leave your life. Whether it be through divorce or whatever reason it is, that people leave your life and how you deal with those things. Become really important.

Adrian

Yeah, I mean you’re pointing towards the importance of accepting the messiness of life. I mean just normal human life.

Drew

Yeah. Not just the messiness of it, just that no matter who you are, you going to deal with stuff, you know, and so being able to accept that those things are going to be part of the story and how do you respond to those things. That’s important because it’ll shape who you are as a person.

Adrian

What was some of the best life advice you’ve received while working in the NBA? You know, something that transfers to everyday life.

Drew

Um, yeah, like the, like I touched on before with my dad there, the turning your hobby into your occupation is probably some of the best advice I ever got. Um, you know, start at the top, you know, if you believe that you’re good at something, then pursue it at the highest level, whether it be through, I’m trying to get an internship or starting your career at the highest place, but indulge yourself in whatever it is that you’re trying to accomplish at the highest level. And read as much about your occupation or whatever it is that you love, that know as much as possible. You never know when that information is going to come in handy at some point, whether it be, you know, sharing a live situation with somebody that draws them closer to you, that then makes them think, you know what? I really liked her. I’m going to go spend some more time within which turns into that athlete coming into the weight room and wanting to spend some time in the weight room like maybe it was a conversation that you had with someone, a life experience that you had with someone, a human interaction with someone that helps you generate a more positive attitude from that person towards you that makes that person want to be around you. Try to know as much as you possibly can about your occupation and and you’ll learn things from the strangest of places. You’ll gather information and stories, instances from the most unusual places and try and keep those experiences within you to just share with people in our hope that you can mold the people around you and help the people around you. If you just want to be a constant giver, then you’ll have success and I think for me in the NBA, the reason I survived so long was my relationship with the players. The players were surrounded by people that wanted to take from them, whether it was money or tickets or autographs or jerseys or shoes. A lot of people tried to take from them and my objective, the whole time that I was in the NBA was to be a giver and to give to them like, I want to help you take care of your body. I want to help you make more money. I want to help you get along the contract. I want to help you be a better player. I want to help you make more jump shots. I want to, I want to help you. There’s nothing that I want to take from you. I don’t want your money. I don’t want your autographs. I want to help you be better. Be a better person and be a better basketball player and I think that enabled me to stay around in the NBA longer than most we we’re able to because because I gave to them unconditionally and if you give to people, then it will give back to you, so that’s probably the best advice that I could give to people to try and turn your hobby into your, into your occupation, trying to learn as much as you can about your occupation and really live your life as much as you can in whatever that thing is that you love and then unconditionally give to people. Try to help people in as many ways as you can because the people that you see on the way up are the same people that you’re going to see on the way down and if you’re mean to people, they’ll be mean to you. If you give to people in times of need, those people were genuinely give back to you and it will help you stay afloat and it’ll help you cruise through life. You have a brilliant life. If my life ends tomorrow, I have no regrets. You know, I came from a very small town in Australia and got to play college basketball and spent 18 years in the NBA, worked with nine hall of famers. I have had a blessed life for sure and I think a big part of why my life was so blessed was because I tried to give to people. I try to be generous to people and that’s definitely paid dividends for me.

Adrian

It was a pleasure.

Drew

Thanks. I really appreciate you having me.

Adrian

Thanks for coming on.

#5: Embodied Problem-solving with Jonathan Varkul

“What if your problem isn’t what you think it is?” More often than not we find ourselves stuck in our heads, and so we try to navigate through stressful situations using our mind. Sometimes all it takes from us is to loosen our grip a little and open up our heart. Sometimes we need to feel our way through a problem.

In this episode, we interview Toronto based executive coach Jonathan Varkul. He helps people in leadership positions address problems from the inside out. For over 20 years, Jonathan navigated the corporate world as a chartered accountant and a seasoned operations executive. Jonathan talks to us about his journey with anxiety, which sparked a profound transformation in his approach to life and work.

Highlights

  • Anxiety and Panic Attacks
  • Qualities of Yin and Yang
  • Processing Non-Cognitively
  • Executive Coaching
  • Cultivating Presence in Discomfort

Resources:

  • Workshop  Re-calibration: The Art and Science of Finding Clarity in a Noisy World

Listen:

We hope you enjoy!

Have you ever been loved like that? Poem inspired by this week:

Full Transcript

Adrian

Thank you for joining us, Jonathan.

Jonathan

You’re welcome. Thanks for having me.

Adrian

Yeah, I think one of the, for me, I feel like one of the challenges with these meetings is there’s no shortage of things to explore and that to me sometimes brings a little bit of anxiety. It’s sort of like, okay, what do we want to prioritize as far as, you know, time and that sort of thing. Um, but I’m sitting here and sort of just tuning into myself and I’m getting the sense that I am really drawn to hearing your personal story. Again, I know you’ve shared it with me, but I think that’ll be a good place to start for listeners to kind of bring in, um, you know, what it is that we’re going to be diving into today, but if you can share your journey as far as where you grew up and, and sort of the beginning your professional life and how that took some changes.

Jonathan

Well, wow. That’s, um, that’s an interesting question. Apropos your whole starting point with anxiety. Um, because it’s very much a story of, I think about anxiety. Um, it’s about not realizing I was ever really anxious. It’s about being very adept at all kinds of things. And so not having to deal with anxiety necessarily. Call it a functional anxiety person. Um, so I grew up in South Africa during the apartheid years actually, um, which may be why energetically there’s a fair amount of anxiety in the, um, in the space I grew up, um, and I grew up in Cape Town at the tip of Africa there and a really spectacular landscape. Really, really, really quite beautiful and I had in many ways an idyllic childhood because I mean, what did we do? We just went to the beach and went to school and I played sport and hung out with my friends and it all seemed really quite, wonderful. Um, and in 1987, my whole family, I was 19 at the time, my whole family moved to Canada. Things had gotten really unstable politically. There was a lot more violence and the economy seemed to be unstable.

Thal

Have you been anywhere else in Africa?

Jonathan

Yes, I’ve actually been to nine countries in Africa. Starting in a Kenya and going across to Uganda and then down. Um, mostly the East Africa. So Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, and the countries down below.

Thal

Yeah, my father’s is from Sudan. My grandma from Eritrea and my mother from Yemen

Jonathan

Wow, so you got the full.. Have you been to Africa?

Thal

I have been to Sudan in the late eighties and that was the one time I went there. It was ’89 and I got really sick and it was the one time. So I just wanted to share that. [laugh]

Jonathan

There’s something quite remarkable about the landscape in Africa and it smells and feels completely different to North America. It just really does.

Thal

It’s definitely part of your psyche.

Jonathan

100 percent. I can totally relate. In fact, what’s really weird is, I mean I have traveled a fair amount and spend some time in India as well and it was very weird because a lot of people would always talk about getting really culture shocked when they go to India. And for the weirdest reason, landing in India and just getting off the plane and walking out into the streets. Um, it didn’t feel culture shock at all for me. It was a very weird thing. And that’s not because it’s African in any way, but there’s something culturally about the space that kind of spoke to me in a way that just felt very, oh, this is, this is home in a way. I felt kind of quite home. It’s Kinda cool.

Thal

So then coming to Canada must have been a culture shock for you, which is interesting because, you know, you look a specific way and for you to have a culture shock here… [laugh]

Jonathan

It’s crazy because people say to me like, so did you have an issue with the language or language? So there was some culture shock, but nothing really, I’d say negative. It’s culture shock in the way. That’s weird how you do that. I mean, I remember one of the first things that, um, that I noticed that I thought was so weird was that just comes to me right now. It was just the, um, the newspapers were put in the boxes on the side of the street and you could put in a quarter or whatever it was to take the newspaper out and I thought we’d never have that in South Africa. Someone’s just going to take all the newspapers at once and then started selling them themselves. Like they would never have…

Adrian

The honour system?

Jonathan

Yeah. The honour system. It’s just very different. And um the African person in me was like, that’s nuts! How do you get away with that? And yet it absolutely worked perfectly. So that is really, really cool. So, um, yeah, the um, the culture shock wasn’t in a, in a way where I was 19, I was, went straight to university. So there really isn’t a whole lot for me to say about that in a sense that it was so impactful. I actually in many ways, um, fault a few things that were, what some people would have thought is weird is I felt more free, which is a weird thing because they go, “dude, you’re a white male from South Africa in apartheid. Like how unfree could you have felt?” But the funny thing is that genuinely I really did. And the question is, well, what kind of free did I feel because I don’t know, it wasn’t like anything I could totally put my finger on, but I’d say there was a lot of different little things and it all adds up. It’s the free that I didn’t have to be looking around me all the time. From a crime perspective. It’s the free that I, when I was doing a bachelor of commerce degree, I could choose breadth requirement courses and not just be only doing commerce degree as in South Africa at the time. Um, and it was the free that everything felt so possible. I remember the first summer and I went and got a job in the warehouse in shipping and receiving in a furniture warehouse. And it just felt like the easiest thing to do, there’s a process for it and you just can do it. And if you want to do something, there was something to help you get it done. And everything just felt so much more doable and easy and manageable.

Thal

It’s a shift from like a world where there were so many polarities really. And now you’re in a world where your options have opened up.

Jonathan

Significantly. Significantly. Absolutely. 100 percent. It was like either yes or no, black or white, right or wrong. And this was just one big thing of, well, why do you want to do? I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, whatever. And a very different experience for sure.

Thal

And inner liberation

Jonathan

Inner liberation, inner freedom, all of it. And so for awhile actually, um, life was amazing. It was great. I mean, I fed off that whole experience. And um, and then, um, I would say that I rode that wave till 2000 around the Y2K thing. I got it. I was in software, um, and um, we’d been doing a fair amount of system installation around the whole Y2K problem and everyone thought that planes were going to fall out of the sky and all that kind of stuff and people were putting cans of food and bottles of water in their basement thinking that everything…

Thal

It was the end of the world.

Jonathan

Yeah, so remember that. And I remember my, my ex-wife and I at the time decided we were going to go traveling and quit our jobs and sell our house and um, and we said we would do it after January 2000 because that’s when the planes would have fallen already and now we could go fly. [laugh] And so, um, we went traveling and that’s in that time. That’s really where I, um, did the nine countries in Africa thing. Um, before that having lived in South Africa, I’ve only touched on two other countries in Africa. And so it was interesting that I had to leave South Africa to then become more worldly and go traveling. And so nine countries in Africa was part of that as some of the, um, Southeast Asia and Europe. Um, so we didn’t have a specific time for when we’re going to come back. And I think what was really amazing was I was on this great trajectory before having achieved some management position in a consulting company and I thought, wow, my life’s going somewhere and it felt good and I built this whole thing. And yet it seemed like an exciting, fun thing to do that we could just take off some time and just go traveling and then see what happens. Um, and so there wasn’t …. interestingly enough, it was a time when there was a fair amount of anxiety that had cropped up because just before we went away, I started to have vertigo issues. Massive amounts of spinning, couldn’t actually function properly. And we’d go to the hospital every now and then to just get infusions of sa-…, like whatever the liquids were. Because I had basically vomited every single thing in my system. Because I couldn’t, I couldn’t actually function properly from the spinning in my head, so I was eventually diagnosed with this thing called Meniere’s disease, which is an inner ear condition. And suffice to say that I actually don’t know what causes it, don’t know what triggers it and don’t know if it leads to anything. So it wasn’t really a hope, but evidently an elevated system anxiety, which was one of the things that people seem to think triggers it. So obviously despite the fact that the trip was going to be very exciting and despite the fact that we were selling our house and had no ties in a particular kind of way and I didn’t have to work and there wasn’t really a financial pressing need. And despite all that, at some level there was obviously something deeply disturbing in going traveling even though it was the most exciting thing in the world, which is quite interesting. So, um, I went on the trip and had to manage the symptoms for a little while while going on a trip and it slowly started to subside while on the trip. Um, it may have actually been six months in India doing yoga that may have led to, uh, yeah, to, to shifting that a bit. Um, but we only came back to Canada a year and a half after we’d left with, because we’d never set a time period and felt like we were done, ready to come back. And um, after we came back, um, I didn’t know what I was going to do next and an opportunity presented itself where I would, where I was asked to help build the infrastructure of a company in the automotive space. And the idea was that, “oh, we’re smaller about 10, 15 people and we’re looking to grow really fast and we don’t have any infrastructure, we don’t have systems and processes, we don’t have people organize in a particular kind of way and you come in and see if you can help us figure that out?” And so that again, really exciting, really, really exciting. But yet again, the same underlying anxiety around, “wow, this is the next thing!”. On the one hand, it felt, um, really purposeful. Um, but on the other hand, it felt…. It felt at first no pressure and then suddenly after about a month end, it felt like I got to make something happen here and I started to feel the pressure of that. Um, and I can now remember biologically what that did for me was my whole system then ramped up. I actually remember that now. It’s really interesting. My system just totally ramped up, geared up. I went into that Corporate Warrior Mode, um, and, and I remember we had our first kid and our second child was on the way and I remember waking up one night in the middle of the night and I had, um, my arm was numb, completely numb. I tried to shake it out and um, you know, normally you get pins and needles and you shake your arm out and then suddenly what happens is, um, your arm eventually kind of starts to get the feeling that comes back and you feel good. So I shook my arm and nothing happened and it just wasn’t like the numbness wasn’t kind of going away. And so I started to feel a, that’s weird, so lay down and as I laid down I started to like break out in a sweat, like my face started sweating and all of a sudden I started to feel like the only way I describe it as really, really weak. Almost like I’m slipping away. Like I felt like I’m alone. I just felt myself slipping away and I’d like no energy. So I turned around to my wife at the time. And I said to her, “honey, I think I’m having a heart attack!” And next minute the paramedics are coming in. And I’ve been, uh, you know, uh, taken to Sunnybrook hospital and the doctors are looking at me the whole night I was kind of there. And you know, you kind of go into these experiences where I think I showed up there probably must have been midnight or one in the mornings by like the time they’d done all the tests and everything else. It was probably like seven or 8:00 in the morning or something. And I remember the doctor coming in and he said to me, “well, whatever you’ve got, um, you, it’s not going to kill you because we’ve done every single test and whatever the heck it is, it’s not deadly at this point”. It’s not physical or it’s maybe physical, but it’s not deadly physical because we only deal with this part of the medical system. We only deal with things that are going to kill you right now. And it’s certainly not going to kill you. Um, so say, “what do I do?” He said, well, you’re going to have to kind of tap into another area of either the medical profession or something else to help you deal with whatever this thing is. But we’re outta here. Like it’s not our thing. Right? And good luck for that. But at least on the one hand, there was this huge sense of relief that, okay, I’m not dead, I’m not going to die. Um, but in the other hand, there’s a sense of, well, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that. And um, interestingly enough, I went to see a Traditional Chinese Medicine guy because now I’m back on this thing again. Let’s say anxiety. What the heck’s going on? Um, by the way, this experience occurred a bunch of times before I went to the TCM guy. I kept thinking I was dying of a heart attack or something was happening. I was getting up from the office and walking over. I actually walked into an emergency room at a hospital downtown one day and the woman said to me, “what drugs are you on?” And I said, “none”. She says, “well, you look like you’re completely high on drugs”. And it was just, obviously something was happening in my system

Thal

In many ways. You were lucky to have someone to tell you that hey, the medical world is not going to help serve you. Like many people get stuck and just go see one doctor and the other. And really, their problem is not that. So in many ways you were given that permission to go explore.

Jonathan

100 percent. In fact, I had a great family doctor. He said to me, “look, I can give you something if you want. I mean, my sense is this is more closer to the realm of anxiety than anything else. Um, I can certainly give you something for it, but I think you should explore other alternatives to see how you can help yourself with that.”. And so that was kind of neat in a way. Um, I didn’t feel like I needed him to help fix me. And so I explored, I went and actually met with this guy he’s a TCM guy. Now TCM, I’d never had traditional Chinese medicine and what they do is I think he asked me to stick my tongue out and he looks at my tongue and then he feels my pulse because he pushes on it a little bit too and felt, I guess the different types of pulses that you do have. And he looks at me after a bit of this and he says to me, “um, you have almost no yin in your body”. So…

Thal

Wow.

Jonathan

Well, it’s interesting you say that because I just went, “So okay. So what? Like, give me something. Like what’s the big deal right?” He said “you have virtually no yin in your body”. I go, “yeah, so?” He looks at me. He goes, “no, you don’t understand you guys. That’s actually not a very good thing at all”. So I go, “why?” He says to me, “well, picture this,” he says, “you’re like this ball of fire. Okay? But there’s no substance to you in the middle. So there’s only a filament of flame on the outside.” And he says, “there’s nothing to you.” He says “when I push down on your pulse, I get nothing back. Like there is almost no life force to you. You’re basically just burning up! You’re just this Yang fire thing with nothing and burning up!” So at that point I was like, well that sounds kind of about right because I feel a bit burnt out and, and whatever, that feels fine. So I’m still at this point feeling like that’s okay.

Adrian

A burning corpse.

Jonathan

Burning, burning out. I’m okay. Big Deal. Like I’m sure you’ll fix it. And he says me, but he says “it’s not good”. I said, “why?” He says, “well, because if you don’t address it,” he said, “first of all, no one’s going to tell you this”. He says, “because if they take your blood and they probably have, they will not see it in your blood, and if they assessed you physically, it’s not apparent at the physical level in the way that you normally would assess your energy. But the reality is if you do nothing about it, what’s going to happen, and I can tell you what’s going to happen in a few years’ time and I don’t know if it’s five years or 10 years or three years, you’re going to show signs of some degenerative disease and I don’t know if it’s Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s. He says, “but what’s going to happen is people are going to go, ‘well, you’re the one in so and so at your thing, statistically.’ That’s what it is. And these are our treatments for it.” And he says, “okay, so here’s the thing.” The minute he started to say that, I started to really freak out more anxiety. Um, and then he looks at me, he goes, “but it doesn’t have to be that way!”

Thal

Because it doesn’t matter how it manifests is what he was trying to tell you that.

Jonathan

Yeah. So yeah, absolutely. And so he said “it doesn’t have to be that way.” I said, “okay, well I’m very much listening to how it could be if you if you telling me. And what he did was he shifted my attention to a landscape where I got to view the world in terms of Yin and Yang. I’d never viewed anything in terms of Yin and Yang. I’ve viewed it always in terms of I want this and this is how I get it and this is how it go from here to there. And all of that. But he changed my relationship with the world to viewing the quality of things as they are rather than what they are. Um, because you can have water that’s boiling or water, that’s cool. And so the quality makes a big difference to whether it’s a Yin or a Yang. And I could be speaking in a meeting and I could be highly animated and agitated and filled with Yang or I could be speaking in a much slower and more connected and calmer pace and that could be more yin and starting to understand that the quality to things is relevant. I didn’t even know it was there nevermind relevant. And so it changed my relationship with the space and with myself in terms of now being aware of something I had no idea about before. Um, and so for, for a couple of years, I, um, I shifted my attention into looking at things through that lens and it really changed the way I engaged in group meetings and with people. And I started to find that I got 10 times more done with 10 times less effort. It was the weirdest thing. It’s almost like the organization, the infrastructure part and the operations, but it just built itself. And all I did was almost hold the space for it while it did that. And I didn’t know that that’s what I was doing at the time. But it was what came out of the experience of having faced some anxiety. Where I had someone tell me this is something that you need to deal with because of the anxiety that you have.

Thal

And it goes back to that quality versus quantity, which is so simple when we say it, but for you like your experience shows it at a very, um, embodied level really,

Jonathan

Right. A very embodied level. That was I think the very key, I discovered later on that the whole anxiety piece was really just the body screaming, come home, come back, come back. And with an obsessively focused Corporate Warrior attention on my objective, I for the longest time would not hear that until it had to send signals like the Meniere’s disease or the anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Um, for whatever reason, I’m a little dense and I’m very tuned in and goal oriented and focused. And people would say, wow, that’s a good thing. You’re a goal-oriented, results-oriented kind of guy. And that’s great. The problem is that to be so, to such an extent, it almost eliminates any ability to see what’s really here while you’re trying to achieve your goals. I think it certainly drained me of energy and limited me in terms of my potential. And so that was the first inkling that there was some…

Adrian

So what were some of the things you explored to bring some Yin into your life? So he had the observation that you were like a flaming ball and with no core. So what were some of the first things you explored?

Jonathan

So two things that are interesting was one is diet. Some foods are Yin and some are Yang and I was very much into the sugars and the processed foods, um, which are very Yang predominant. Into the red meat, it was very evidently Yang predominant. Um, and so what he said to me is you just got to eat more, first of all, fruits and vegetables and less processed things that are cooler. He also said to me to eat a lot of stews and things that just sit and that are hardy, they will give you some substance. And it’s weird because you think, oh, it’s, we think of that, that um, fruits and vegetables in terms of a component of something, but it’s more the energy of it that has the real, the real impact. So diet was, was one piece. He gave me some herbs that were Yang predominant, obviously extracted from things that are more the frequency of that energy. Um, the other piece was more activities. He, he kind of steered me in the direction of more… I was doing yoga and the yoga that I had been involved in, in practicing a form of yoga called Ashtanga Yoga. It’s a yoga that was very vigorous and very Yang predominant in a way. And so he guided me to shift into, um, into exploring activity that was much more Yin predominant. So there’s Yin Yoga itself, there’s recuperative yoga and more to spend time in the meditation realm to slow it down at night and spend time just sitting. Um, so those two things, the physical activity side and the diet side was a big piece and I think just being aware that there’s such a thing of Yin and Yang, that’s the mental aspect. I think that that really helped as well.

Thal

A paradigm shift in your life.

Jonathan

A paradigm shift in my life. 100 percent. Absolutely.

Adrian

Yeah. It sounds like a helpful framework. It’s just so simple because there’s two sort of poles to look at it. But then I get the sense that it’s finding harmony between those two. So it’s not that one is better than the other but having this awareness that, oh, there’s a quality to the way you are and the way other people behave and the interactions and even bringing in food and things we consume that also affect this quality.

Jonathan

Correct.

Adrian

And so that sounds like a very helpful model.

Jonathan

You’re 100 percent correct. I love what you say, you know, I noticed so much of the conversation today and in all walks of life is very binary. Which is in my, in my case, I happened to have a massive yin deficiency. So the focus was build up the yin. Um, some people would hear that to say that Yang is inappropriate or bad or not, right? It’s like, no, dude, you have so much Yang, you don’t need to focus on it right now. You don’t really need to cultivate that. It’s like you’ve got oodles of it. Rather just focus on the yin and then you will come, as you say, into balance where your Yang will be supported by the Yin and the Yin will be brought into its fullest potential by the Yang. And to have that come into play was really where things started to take off for me. Absolutely.

Thal

And to see it positively. If you have that much Yang, then that means you can actually develop that much Yin to match the Yang that you already have. And, and we do, um, we like we can acknowledge that our culture is Yang-oriented. And that just talking about Yin, like a lot of people would benefit from slowing down. Doesn’t mean that living the way that we’re living is pathological. It just means that it needs more integration. More of a whole holistic approach to living. Really.

Jonathan

Yes. Yang is agitative in nature. And what I found is that because we’re so familiar with it, we overlook the biological signals of agitation that call our attention away from what we’re currently focusing on that’s inappropriate. And so we miss the biological signals that are guiding us in the challenges that we’re facing. And so, um, it’s very much a part of the work I do at the corporate level. At the so called, Yang-predominant world,,um, is to help people tune more into the signals that they’re experiencing biologically, to help them extract the wisdom out of what’s appearing right now that they’re unable to see because they’re caught up in focusing on something to their detriment.

Adrian

So, you were beginning to see a shift in your own quality, as you said you were going into these new practices and the diet changes. Um, and you also mentioned you’re actually sort of paradoxically more productive but not as depleted as you were able to do that. What were you starting to move towards after that? What was changing in your life at that point?

Jonathan

So, it’s a really interesting point. I think what a couple of things was, I don’t know if I was moving towards it, but circumstances were changing where the business had grown to the point where the next phase became much more structured and formal and I was asked to play a much more structured role as opposed to the role that I’ve played before was much more of a, “well just float in and out of wherever you need to be to build whatever it needs to be built to deal with whatever is here to be dealt with.” Um, and the role changed into, “well, we’d like you to be the VP of operations and manage the operations. You can’t just waltz into accounting even though you are an accountant. But that’s for the accounting guy to deal with. You stay in operations and you have to kind of manage this piece very well, and then trust that everyone else will manage it and then you’ll have to kind of meet and integrate with them at different points.” And the truth is that’s a great role for someone who’s built for that, but it wasn’t something that I really felt drawn to or comfortable with. And I started to feel very much tied down. I’m constricted. Um, and so I started to feel more anxious, again. I’m bringing it up again and this time, no matter how much are you see, you can’t Yin your way out of that one! You know what I mean? [laughing] Like, so this, so in this case, the anxiety in the one hand that first, you know, um, maybe due to before, before the yin, whatever the anxiety was at that point moved into being the anxiety about not enough yin. Now the anxiety was about something completely different, which is, “where do I fit in the world? Like who am I? Where do I really belong? What should I be doing next?” And I didn’t know what to do. Um, I, I really struggled with that one. And I had to, um, I actually took myself off and I went and spent I think two months in Ireland in little retreat center just hanging out, walking around and the fresh air. Just trying to figure out what I wanted to do next because I really didn’t know. Um, I remember in Toronto, they were building the Tiff Bell Lightbox building downtown Toronto on King Street and we were right across, right across the street, um, and I, my office looked out over that gaping hole in the ground that they were building and it took them about a year to build that. And it took me about a year to watch it being built and just sit all day staring at that building. I’m trying to figure out what my next thing should be.

Thal

How old were you then?

Jonathan

Um, I must have been around 40.

Thal

Would you consider that a mid-life crisis in a way?

Jonathan

Well, it’s a wonderful thing because it truly, truly the timing spectacular. I mean, you definitely can nail that one down as a mid-life crisis for sure. There’s no question about it. Mid-life in so many different ways. And so I watched this thing built and when the building was built, you know, kind of became clear to me that I’m not going to make any headway here. I have to leave in order to figure it out to something we were talking about earlier, the whole courage thing in terms of stepping into something you really don’t know what’s gonna come next. And someone asked me a little bit later as to what it was that led me to do that. And the only thing I could come up with at the time was, um, the pain of staying where I was was greater than the fear of stepping into the unknown. That’s the equation, right? And that was all it was and it was like, I can’t do this anymore. And so I left not knowing what I was going to do next. And I spent some time really just sitting with the, um, the angst. I’m trying to “figure out” what the next piece should be. That was a very, there was a very interesting, interesting piece and I think the executive coaching, I didn’t know that that’s what I wanted to do at all. In fact, what I actually did was I took the time to look at everything I’ve ever done between my chartered accountant days that Ernst and Young and software consulting days and the infrastructure build operational days. And I looked over it and just decided to be incredibly hardcore evaluative, if that’s the word, to see if I really look at everything I’ve done, “where have I gotten results as far as to where people have kind of said, ‘wow, what you’ve done is really good’!”. And I could clearly know that it was good. And then “what did I do to get there and “what, of what I did, is absolutely the same across the board?”. In other words, that never changed no matter what. I want to know what that core thing is. So what fell by the wayside because all the jobs, all the jobs were different was I knew about this or I knew about that or I could do this or I could do that because that job didn’t require it. And all I came up with was when people came into my space, they left my space feeling better than when they came in. That was it. And I was horrified. I was horrified because I had to get honest with myself and when I got to that point of honesty, it was like horrifying because I thought, Holy Moly. Like what am I going to do with that?

Thal

You distilled your values to just like the core.

Jonathan

The core thing. It’s like, who really cares about that? How can I possibly monetize that? So took me a while for a few weeks. I actually was just like stunned in a way. Like okay, my actual feeling was one of worthlessness because there’s like, I don’t have anything. All I’ve got is a stupid thing that when people come into my space I feel better when they then when they, they leave feeling better

Thal

You know that that’s everything! [laughing]

Jonathan

So it was a weird thing. So I sat there and then what clicked over, I had to sit with that for awhile and then what clicked over was, well, “it can’t be that bad if that’s the thing that resulted in all the things that actually got the results!” I hadn’t at the time I was, I was so freaked out by the fact that it was that simple and that kind of benign in a way like, well, nothing that I, um, I missed the point that I’d started out by saying, but it’s the thing that actually got the big results. So at that point, that’s when I realized, okay, it’s the thing that got the big results, but it’s a tiny thing that doesn’t really have substance to it at this point because I haven’t cultivated it in any way. And one of the things I’ve learned from the president of the company, who I had helped build this with, he had always guided us. He was a successful entrepreneur and built lots of businesses. And he always said to me, the only thing that matters is value. He says, I don’t build a business for any other reason. I look to see where’s the value and if I can see value, then don’t be scared that other people can’t see it. He says, if you can see value, then your role then is just to “do you want to just cultivate it?”, and he said that’s a very difficult thing because there’s nothing at the time that’s going to prove itself out at the stage. He said, but the funny thing is is if you spend enough time cultivating the value, what’s going to happen is eventually other people are going to see it and he says, and when they’re going to see it, they’re going to want it and it’s worth a lot more than when you originally started cultivating it, so then that’s how you build businesses and then sells them because then they’re worth a lot more he said, but the cultivating values a very difficult thing. No one wants to do that. It’s scary. It’s challenging. That’s never been done before because it’s in its infancy and we don’t know how to do it and…

Adrian

It can be slow. It can take time.

Jonathan

It can take a ton of time, you don’t know, and it takes a fair amount of courage to do that at the deepest level. And I decided, “you know, what, everything I’ve done up until this point had been, um, surface driven in a way, but the anxiety that I’d been feeling was an existential angst around my place in the world and it felt like if I’m going to find my rightful place in the world, I better start with what’s the core piece of what I’m here to…what I can offer people of value. Otherwise I’ve got nothing to offer. It’s all just learned.” And so I actually just started to meet with people. I went down and chatted with people and spoke with people and after a little while people would say to me, you know, it’s really interesting. I get a really good feeling that if you could, could you do me a favour and come in and speak with, Pamela in my organization. I just have a feeling that she’s going through something. If you could just spend some time with her. Um, it would really help her and I think it would really, you know, she’s got so much talent but she’s just missing something in someplace and my sense is you could really help her based on the way I’m hearing you speak. And so I would say just fine not a problem. And that turned into wow, she’s really turned around, what did you do? And I’m like, I don’t really know. I just kind of sat and listened and spoke. And I don’t know what I’m doing. Um, and so over time started to have these engagements with people in a corporate setting and only corporate because I didn’t know what other setting really to hang out in because that’s kind of where I came from. And so people would have these experiences where they became more productive or they became better at what they were doing or they understood their problem better or whatever it was. And it became more clear to me over time that, oh right. They feel better after spending time with me because they became more clear about something. And that’s what made them feel better. So that really the value is in providing clarity to people and so that’s when I put up my website, which was clarity, guidance, results. I didn’t call myself an executive coach. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. Um, and I had no formal training. I didn’t kind of have a certification or anything, I didn’t know what that was all about. And so I started to cultivate this value, grow this business, meet with people and connect with people over time and eventually discovered that what I was really doing was thing called executive coaching. And so that’s how that came about. The cool part about it was that because I’d never taken a course, I never had a paradigm to work with, I just got to work with people as they are and synthesize that information into my own body as I am. And so I got to discover some really cool stuff about the things that hold people back because all I would do all day would be sitting with people and all they would tell me was what’s a problem? Where do they want to go? Why they can go there? What’s in the way, what’s not in the way, what they wish they had. And, and unpack this with every single different type of person you can imagine in the context of what they consider to be the biggest problem or challenge that they’re facing to date. I learned so much you cannot believe it. I mean, I couldn’t believe it because what it felt like was that they were paying me to discover what’s inside of me that’s holding me back.

Thal

That’s amazing.

Jonathan

Oh, it’s ridiculous. I mean, it was unbelievable.

Adrian

The Yang part of me is like, “okay, so what’s the code?” Like you clearly have cracked the code and let’s spit out the 10, you know, secret…. right?

Jonathan

It’s so interesting…

Thal

The yin part of me wants to just sit and enjoy this. [laughing]

Jonathan

This is awesome. It’s brilliant. It’s so awesome. So, it’s actually funny, it’s the two together that actually has the thing. There’s only one, there was only one. There’s no 10. That’s the really cool part. And um, what I discovered is that in facing our challenges, we overlook our biological experience. And so what I realized was there was a significant amount of people that I was helping bring them back to the biological aspect of their challenge, not the conceptual aspect of their challenge. They’re all very, very strong conceptually. I mean these are people who have gone through university and programs and all kinds of things that are able to conceptualize and think through very complex things. So they thinking mechanism is perfectly fine and they were struggling with a problem because the problem has an aspect of it that isn’t thinking related. And so to assist them to process information in a non cognitive way is completely at odds with that landscape. And so the piece that was missing was really, I would say, is the connection to one’s own sense of self or presence. And that gets heard in a conceptual way. Um, it’s nowhere near like what people actually hear it to be. Um, so that’s when I changed my website relatively recently to ‘What if your problem isn’t what you think it is?’ Because most of the things that we’re doing are all about how we’re framing them up.

Thal

It’s more experiential.

Jonathan

Yeah. Yup.

Thal

And in a way it’s like, I’m so tempted to say this, I’m going to say it. Um, it feels like you’re humanizing the corporate world because a lot of time people just make it sound like, oh, the corporate world. And it’s like very, you know, it’s, it’s as if this entity that’s not, but it is a human world. It is. And we need more of that. We actually, like, there’s no way we’re going to dismantle corporations. I mean that’s what we’re made of. This is our society, this is our culture. So how do we humanize that world? It feels like this is part of what you’re doing.

Jonathan

Yes. And what I’m discovering is that what’s great about it is that the approach that I’m being led to take is not in the cerebral realm. So it almost, doesn’t get caught up with or get trapped in or get tied up in all the trappings of the complex thinking dynamic because it leaves it alone to be as it is. So I don’t mess with it. Um, and what I’m really doing is expanding the perspective around a problem to say, well, that’s great that you’ve described your problem as… The fact that you don’t have enough resources to do this particular job, but tell me what does it feel like in your body when you think about that problem? And the first thing is, is most people don’t even know how to even answer that because they go, “what’s my body got to do with it?” And the answer is everything because you’re the one that’s been tasked with solving it and your body is intelligent and it has information for you to solve that particular problem actually, because I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t want to help you get a result in solving that problem. But the reality is that you’re missing a ton of information and your body can offer it to you. Just like it offered it to me each time I was having these panic and anxiety attacks that I was kind of so bluntly and blatantly ignoring. And um, so that’s an interesting process to take people down.

Thal

Absolutely, thinking with your body.

Jonathan

Yeah. Literally, I would call it processing with your body, and so people learning to actually process information rather than believing the only way to process information is through thinking, um, and, and see what arises as a result of that processing. And it’s been quite remarkable. Mostly what I’ve found is that a big chunk of it is people’s inability to be with biological discomfort. And so we short circuit the biological discomfort by latching onto ideas that we can play over and over and over again as somehow a promise that if we kind of figure them out, then the discomfort will go away. But the reality is we’re suppressing and masking the discomfort. And we’re not opening to the information that the discomfort is sharing. So we can become better delegators because we’re terrified to delegate. You’ve learned all there is to know about delegating and you’re still not delegating well. Why is that? Well, because it’s biologically uncomfortable to delegate. You want to have executive presence, but the reality is standing in the feelings of agitation in a meeting where people are sharing information you don’t agree with is too uncomfortable for you to do so therefore you talk when you shouldn’t talk or you interrupt when you shouldn’t interrupt and therefore you don’t have any presence and it’s because you’re too uncomfortable to experience the discomfort of presence. And so people starting to really having to learn that actually, um, they have to become more aware of themselves biologically so that they can actually shift beyond the limitations that their current tolerance level is. I’m holding them.

Adrian

It sounds tricky because if one is used to this strategy against you know, minimizing the discomfort by turning away and I’m hearing in you a suggestion that perhaps it’s actually towards or there’s a relationship with the discomfort that needs to be explored there. But that must be so hard. Especially somebody going an intense anxiety experience and their body is numb and there’s pain and then, you know. Um, so how do you, how do you coach somebody to…

Jonathan

Oh my God, that’s so much fun! Oh my God, that’s the best part! So the thing that I’ve discovered, the thing that I discovered is that there are two components to information. Um, there’s the thinking component and there’s what I would call the charge component. The component is the part of the information that’s being conveyed or you’re being experienced that you feel it on your cells in your body. It’s like electricity almost. And that charge component could be positive, negative, and it could be really very intensity, positive or really intensely negative. But it’s there. So if I said to you, how’s that assignment coming? I’ve said, “how’s that assignment coming?” And that’s like four words. But the truth is you felt a whole lot of stuff. When I say that you and depending on what was going on, you’d feel a different thing if you’d completed your assignment and going really well, you’d feel different to, oh, I’m behind the gun on that or something bad’s going to happen. So there’s a charge component to that. The problem with us is that people don’t know, and aren’t aware of that charge component, and it’s that charge component that sets in motion the focus to really want to fixate on the thinking part of the problem and what happens is that when we do that, because the charge can’t be processed because we’re using the wrong part of our brain. What we do is we cover up that charge with thinking and we pretend it’s really about some thoughts. So you would say to yourself, if let’s say someone said to me, Jonathan, you didn’t get the promotion. There’d be a charge component to that information and the cover up of that charge component would be thoughts like, “I didn’t want it anyways” or “what a bunch of assholes this company is” and “they never liked me anyway” and “I don’t like them” or whatever that is, which has nothing to do with the verbal side, which is simply you didn’t get the promotion. It could be a million reasons, but my brain is now putting that all into the space because it’s really converted charge, trying to pretend to be relevant information masquerading as verbal things. It’s kind of noise in the way. So when I’m having a a session with someone, what happens is they are experiencing these two things together, which is why they’re struggling with whatever problem they’re having. Part of their problem is that there is verbal information that’s relevant and then a ton of verbal information that’s completely irrelevant. That’s really unprocessed charge and so in a coaching dynamic, what I have to do is I’ve got to sit in the space and I have to process the charge on their behalf. So what happens is as we’re having a conversation, I can feel that charge because I’m feeling it in my body, not in their body. I can feel the uncomfortable situation and my role is to to be connected to the sensations of that charge in a way where I don’t go cerebral. So what really happens in this case is a bit bizarre to share with people because it would seem like I’m not really doing a lot or it’s very dangerous, but there’s chunks of space where people are talking to me and I’m not interpreting or listening to a word they say in the traditional sense, but I’m absolutely 100 percent present to what they’re saying, but it’s being processed non thinking wise until what happens is something that they say hits my brain in a way where I go, oh, that makes sense. Now I can talk about that. And so what often happens is someone will speak to me for 20 minutes and say a whole bunch of complicated, complex things. That’s really all kinds of stuff and I’m just sitting in processing the charge and what happens is when something comes in terms of the verbal thing that makes sense, it’ll make sense to me. Otherwise it won’t make sense to me. It’s all noise. And when it makes sense to me and I share it with them, they go, “how did you just get that from everything I just said? That’s exactly what I was trying to say, but I couldn’t say it with everything that was there!” The crazy thing is it always kind of nails it because as long as I’m trusting the fact that I just stay away from everything that’s charged base and just process it, then what’s left is obviously relevant in some way. Don’t tell white way and then we can work with it. Now what happens there is because I’ve found the one piece of relevant information, all the charge can then no longer come up because what’s going to happen is as they start to work with that, they’ve trek’d a little deeper into their problems so they’ve gotten a little further than where they were before. Because before they were at some point in the process where all that other information seemed so relevant. So now they’re further along in the process because now they’ve got a piece of information that’s much more relevant in all of that and so then what happens is all of a sudden if they don’t know how to process charge within a day, an hour a week or whatever, what’s going to happen is the new more charge is going to come into this space. It’s going to make that progress where they have feel like they attract again and so unless they know how to process the charge of their experience, they are constantly behold and almost to someone who’s going to process it on their behalf. Which is why I started to put together workshops and programs to help people process their own charge, calling it …. I don’t even know what I called it, but it’s something that says recalibrating… ‘The Art and Science of Finding Clarity in a Noisy World’.

Thal

Because you’re trying to use language to describe something that’s nonverbal.

Jonathan

Yes, and the thing is, is in the actual part of the brain, it’s the parietal lobe that actually processes nonverbal information and the frontal lobe processes verbal information, and so you actually, by being in the sensation of something can process nonverbal information and by processing it I mean move it away from the frontal lobe that has been burdened by it. It’s almost like cleaning up the malware on your processor and so then it gets freed up and it goes, wow, I can do all this stuff that I couldn’t do before because it’s no longer submerged under a whole bunch of malware, for example.

Adrian

So this ability that you discovered to filter relevance sounds like is a trainable muscle because you just mentioned that you have developed workshops to try to enhance that. What’s coming to my mind is I’m curious around how you discern what is relevant and what is not relevant. What is noise? What is signal?

Jonathan

What such a great question! Well, um, so it took me awhile to really get clear on what are the fundamental things, but there are four signals that you can tap into biologically that are guaranteed to tell you that right now you need to process at a nonverbal level. The first one is agitation. So you’d say to me, no, come on Jonathan. If I’m agitated, there’s got to be something… the truth is 100 percent. If you’re agitated, if you are biologically agitated, you should be processing nonverbally. If you are constricted in some way, you should be processing nonverbally. If you’re tense in some way, you should be processing non verbally. If you’re euphoric in some way you should be processing in a non verbal way. The the first three are tough for people, but they get there because they can relate. In some ways, euphoria is tougher. One the most difficult ones. The last one is if you’re feeling any dissociation, you need to be processing non-verbally too.

Adrian

And how does that… how does one experience that? Can you describe dissociation?

Jonathan

Very, very difficult to know because the dissociative process is one of making you believe that everything’s okay because you’re genuinely not feeling anything because you’ve genuinely cut off from the feeling. Let’s call it up and out. That’s exactly how I would describe it is up and out. And so the thing is, is what I’ve found is giving people a paradigm doesn’t help. It’s almost like that’s the one way they need a reference point in the coaching. To be with someone where they experienced themselves up and out and bring them ever so slightly back to a particular sense of being and then to feel what that feels like to have a reference point for it. And it’s very, very difficult to work with. Um, and so those are the people that, um, they’re often considered uncoachable in the leadership realm because people don’t like their behavior, but they can’t recalibrate to adjust their behaviour because they’re too heady. And so, um, and they find themselves moved into spaces where they are much more working on things than working with people. Um, in, in some ways if there are working with people, they do it in a very, very highly evolved cerebral way that makes them seem like they’re very smart and figured out because their brain has figured out how to outmaneuver any way of feeling anything biologically. So they appear really better at being in tune than anyone else. But the fact is that 100 percent attitude, they’re the most dangerous people in that space because everyone will think that they really got it going on.

Adrian

It’s like a very evolved compensation.

Jonathan

Very evolved compensation. And I can relate because I’ve been there. So takes one to know one. And so I can call it out. And I’ve made the mistake of calling it out. And the thing is that’s not going to work because no one’s going to get it, right? But the thing is, what I have learned is not to co-create with the interference of the verbal. So if someone’s giving me all the legitimate reasons for whatever, that’s absolutely fine. Don’t have to add my perspective into it verbally. It’s not part of the process, it’s not what I do. Um, so, so that’s, um..

Thal

it’s interesting that you use that word non-coachable. It’s very interesting because you know, then it’s probably another realm that they need to experience or maybe other issues to address.

Jonathan

There are some people who are coachable in that realm, but that’s normally where you’d find a lot of people who are considered uncoachable. That’s where they fall in that category where people just throw their hands up at some level.

Adrian

Can you share more about the nonverbal? I’m interested in that level of processing. So maybe in the context of making a decision. So someone’s got a really tough scenario and a decision needs to be made and then they have those experiences, I forget which ones…agitation was one of them.

Jonathan

So okay, maybe how about we do this. I’ll take you through something and you’ll see if you can do it. So, um, if you put your hand on your lap right now with your palm faced upwards. If you put your attention on the sensation of your hand, you can feel the sensation of your hand. I would assume. That’s biological. You can feel the sensation. Now when you’re putting your attention on the sensation of your right hand, what’s actually happening is you’re activating neurons in the parietal lobe of your brain because the parietal lobe is where you feel sensation. Different parts of your body feel different sensation. It feels sensation based on where they are connected in the parietal lobe. So if you’re putting your attention on your right hand, you will activate the sensation neurons in that area of the brain. Now what you can do as an experiment is think about a scenario that you find highly challenging or agitating. So do you have one that you can think of?

Adrian

Just even the project of this podcast, like there’s certain challenges to it.

Jonathan

Yeah. Okay. So when you start to think about it, what does it feel like in your body when you think about that challenge?

Adrian

Well, I noticed the moment I started talking about it I actually forgot about my right hand. So that was the first thing I noticed. The loss of connection.

Jonathan

Yes. And what happens to your body?

Adrian

A little tighter around the chest.

Jonathan

Okay. So perfect. So as you think about the project, there’s some tightness in your chest. Now the tightness is some form of constriction. So the first problem that we have is most people aren’t aware that they’re tight in the chest, so people have to become more self aware and you have to start practicing. And so we’ll talk about that in a second, but I’ll take you through this and I’ll bring you back to what you can do to practice. So if you now put your attention on the sensation of your hand and I say to you okay, we’re going to play a game. What we’re going to do is your role is to stay focused on the sensation of your hand at all costs, so it is the primary attention. But while you’re doing that, bring in the idea of the challenge you have around the project and see how the two can coexist to the extent that you have to stay in sensation and see what happens. So tell me what happens when you start to do that.

Adrian

I’m starting to notice that I can do that. So I’m maintaining focus on my right hand. It’s, it’s a little cool. I can feel the air. I’m starting to run through scenarios of the stressors about this project and deadlines and that sort of thing, but I have contact with my hand.

Jonathan

How does your chest feel?

Adrian

That was actually interesting. So not as tight. So when I was noticing that, when I turned attention, it was actually just occupying more volume.

Jonathan

Okay. And so while are you staying in the sensation of your hand so you’re putting attention on it, what is your relationship to the challenge that you had before compared to your relationship to the challenge?

Adrian

Now it doesn’t seem as as big of a challenge.

Jonathan

Okay. So what you’ve done is in that process, as long as you’re processing the charge of the challenge, because if you’re not processing the charge of the challenge, feel what happens if you take your attention away from your hand, the charge will come back to the challenge related, and you will start to feel the constriction and your possibilities will narrow. Now if you want to face the challenge, you want to expand your possibilities of what’s there and so you’re going to have to process the charge like we spoke about you have to literally be in a nonverbal thing. It has nothing to do with the problem as you think it, but everything to do with the problem as it’s being experienced in the body, your body. Now what happens is now you can actually face your challenge. So the big problem with this is that first of all, people aren’t aware that they’re either agitated, constricted, or tense in their body to begin with, and so you have what has to happen is they have to build up. They have to start a practice of strengthening the muscle that would alert them to the fact that they actually are agitated, constricted, or tense, and so the way they would do that is they could sit for five or 10 minutes in the morning when they get up in the morning, the first thing they do and sit and put the attention on the sensation of their hands or their feet and just feel sensation and do that for five or 10 minutes before you go to bed at night, just before you go to sleep. Now, what’s remarkable about that is that that activates neurons in the brain in the parietal lobe. What it’s going to do is if you do it for long enough and for regular enough, it starts to form neurosynaptic connections, which means that now you start to actually form new neural pathways and those neural pathways are like your muscle building and so you will start to feel things you’ve never felt before. it’s weird, I’ve had clients who say to me, “dude, okay, that’s great. Three weeks ago you told me to do this practice, and what I can tell you is that since I’ve been doing it, I felt nothing but agitated and anxious and it’s making it worse.” What I often say to them, or almost all the time is, well, what it’s showing me is not that it’s making you agitated or anxious. It’s that you finally aware of how agitated and anxious you actually are in the thing you’ve now raised your level of awareness to something you weren’t aware of before. So now you may not like it, but the fact is you’re now at least in contact with discomfort that you were completely not in contact with. So then the other pieces is to include that and to expand the practice to maybe every hour for a minute, have something beep on your phone or something and say sensation and you feel a sensation for a minute. And then the other pieces during activities such as driving your car or going for walks or you know, watching TV, see while you’re doing it, if you can be in sensation while it’s occurring. What I often do is I take people through a real quick exercise to show them that nothing bad’s going to happen because when you’re in sensation, you’re not actually interfering with your frontal lobe. So your frontal lobe can process perfectly fine. So if someone goes to sensation, stays completely in sensation, I could say to them, what’s 10 times three? And they have no problem with answering 30 while in sensation. At first, they’re binary, I often catch them, they go “30!” and I go, “you left sensation didn’t you?” And they go, “oh my God, I didn’t realize that!” And so at first you have to get to sensation. But what they discover is that there isn’t a time when they’re in sensation that their frontal lobe become stupid or can’t process or they forget how to drive or they don’t change lanes at the right time. Actually things improve because the charge component that’s masquerading as relevant information isn’t there, so they become a better driver and they’re cooking food or making tea or doing something or vacuuming the house in a way that’s much more cohesive and integrated. Be in alignment and enjoy it. They start to feel more enjoyment but not because from the outside it’s making them any happier. It’s just that there’s less stuff pushing on them.

Adrian

Yeah. So increasing the vividness of their sensations.

Jonathan

Correct.

Adrian

So both painful and pleasant.

Jonathan

Getting real!

Adrian

Right.

Jonathan

Getting real with yourself and learning ultimately to accept the reality of whatever is here, but not cognitively because cognitively I could talk myself into accepting it, but the truth is I don’t really. My body is agitated. So why don’t I accept that reality and just be with the agitation in a nonjudgmental way, but not nonjudgmental in a way we think about it. Nonjudgmental in the way where you’re not thinking about it at all. It’s not judging it at all. You’re just really processing it so it’s not for everybody because that takes courage because you only going to kind of do that if ‘a’ it’s very clear to you that this is something that’s relevant and it doesn’t promise anything because it’s not embedded in the realm of the cognitive that says, well, if you do this and this’ll help and then you’ll get here and then you’ll speak to him, and then this’ll, um, it doesn’t do that. It really just offers you an avenue beyond what you’ve tried for however many times you’ve tried it and realized that wasn’t working. And so you’ll try something else?

Thal

I feel like someone listening would say, well, what’s the point of going outside of my comfort zone if it’s gonna hurt.

Jonathan

Right. And so the only analogy I have for most of my clients is the weightlifting one or the gym where two people could walk into a gym and they both want to get stronger. And so that’s kind of the point. They both pick up the weights and one person goes, “that hurts” and the other person goes, “that hurts”. And the second person, when it hurts and they go, “ugh, ooh” and they put it down and they go, “that’s not for me.” Then the other person goes, “well, you’re telling me that if I keep lifting this weight, my muscles are going to get stronger.” And I go, “yes”. And they go, “but it hurts”. I go, “what’s going to happen is if you keep doing it, your relationship with the pain is going to change. That I can guarantee you that if you keep lifting those weights and doing that, within a short period of time, the pain will still be there, but the way you feel it will be very different. And so you’re almost will start to enjoy the pain and the pain is no different. And in fact what’s going to happen is when you start to get stronger and that weight becomes lighter, you’re going to want to put more weight on to get more pain”. And they go, “really?” I go, “that’s how this works”. So this is the same thing.

Thal

And results!

Jonathan

And results. So the idea behind wanting to face your pain/insecurity, whatever those agitative, biological discomfort is that at the at the behind your biological discomfort are the things you deeply desire or want at the deeper level, not at the level of like one more money, but at a deeper level of I want more of myself in the world, that one more of whatever that thing is that I’m trying to track towards and I can come into alignment with it because I’m blocked and I know deep down that I would be a better leader and I know deep down that I know what to do. But the truth is I’m scared. And the thing is absolutely. So scared would mean you’re agitated. You constricted, you’re tense. You need to process the charge that’s commensurate with you being scared so that you can ultimately experienced a little bit more space to inch your way forward into the land that you would normally never go into. And that’s the way you will get the results. But to paint some wonderful map that’s cognitive will not yield the result. Because the minute you feel uncomfortable, your brain will short circuit and tell you why, you know, today’s not a good idea to go there.

Adrian

Yeah. And just to piggyback off that analogy with exercise, this is coming to mind the importance of having different ways to approach the practice and finding one that suits you because there are many forms of exercise and maybe running on a treadmill isn’t enjoyable, but perhaps you know, doing stretches and lifting weights might actually be your jam. And so as you’re describing these practices, there seems like there’s overlap with this mindfulness popularity. And in that, like exercise, there are many offerings, many techniques, many different traditions. Is it intentional that you didn’t want to use that word ‘mindfulness’? Because I know there is a current phenomenon happening with the popularity and the commercialization of it.

Jonathan

It’s a good question. Um, you know, I started, funnily enough, a little while ago, I started to kind of jump on the mindfulness bandwagon thinking that that was where I was going until actually worked with someone who helped me get a little bit more clear about where I am going and what came out of that is this idea that for me at least, it’s not about a concept like mindfulness. It’s about my own journey. And so what was the answer that I got was for me, it’s beyond mindfulness. Not because mindfulness is irrelevant but because if I started getting stuck in the concept of mindfulness personally for me, it would hold me back because then I’d be beholden to mindfulness as a thing and I’d have to become an expert in mindfulness and I don’t want to be an expert in mindfulness. There are plenty of those. I just wanted to kind of do my weird and wacky thing and learn from it and share. And if there’s something useful that comes out of it, then people will take it and go, “this is exactly… I can see what you’re doing. There’s so much commonality to mindfulness!” In fact, I’ve had a lot of people say to me, “now I get mindfulness, whereas I never got it before. Now I can see the relevance of it”. I’m like, great, awesome. Go play in mindfulness, go playing whatever you want to play in. For me, it was much more simple as to the fact that it’s more about simply finding a way to access a part of yourself that you’re overlooking while you’re struggling with something.

Thal

And like for me, it’s so tempting. I’m connecting it to different traditions. What you’re saying, I’m connecting it to psychology. When you talk about the charge and how, you know, when you don’t process the charge, it’ll come back. It really is about our unconscious patterns and our complexes is what it is. And like, you know, when you talked about the non-coachable or uncoachable people, well I’m thinking maybe it’s time for those types of people to explore psychotherapy and go deeper and then come back to the coachable world. So, you know, these are the connections that I’m making, but it’s just so important to see the experiential side when you talk about it, like it being embodied and practical and um, because a lot of people look at meditation like that’s a waste of time. But when you talk about go into sensation, take a break while you’re working, go into sensation. That’s meditation in a way.

Jonathan

No, totally is. It absolutely is. It’s much more in alignment with the, I think it’s the Vipassana meditation where it’s around feeling and being tuned in at that level to your breath and your sensations. So absolutely. I love what you said. When you were just talking right now, I was really loving it because what you’re sharing is about the relevance of everything! And that’s what I love is this idea that somehow one thing is better than another. It’s like “no, one thing is more appropriate for Bob because he needs that right now. But Sally needs that right now”. And the more we can learn about all the wonderful things that are out there, the more we can kind of find the perfect meal to suit the perfect body that in that way, um, and each person’s completely unique. And so that makes it a complete crap shoot if you think that somehow we’re going to take completely unique people in completely unique situations and put on some kind of thing that says, well, this is the way in which we should approach things. Um, it’s no fun anyway. It’s much more fun to play in a more magical way to say, “well, let’s see what’s going on and let’s see what’s out there”.

Thal

And people become overwhelmed by all these ideas and concepts and just turn away. And it’s such a waste because there’s an opportunity for everyone to grow and live an authentic life. Really.

Jonathan

Someone said to me the other day, I was talking about how I’m going to, um, someone said to me, well, you should be speaking. And I said, well, I don’t quite know what to say and what’s the message and where to speak. And they said, well, um, why don’t you just hire a coach and follow the breadcrumbs? And I think the ‘follow the breadcrumbs’ was the piece that really is what you’re saying is there’s people are scared. And the truth is because we all wanted to kind of have it planned out and know how it’s gonna turn out. And the truth is sometimes you have to kind of maybe do some yin yoga before you find out that it’s meditation that’s your thing and you have to go through trying out a few things before you discover that maybe psychotherapy was the answer and not the medication, but you have to take some medication. Then you have to do this and then you had to do that and you find your way there. And it’s not because medication was bad. It was because that’s how you had to figure out what the next thing you had to do and sometimes you figure out that it was good until it wasn’t anymore. Was relevant until it’s not. And so when we stop being so binary about things in a way where things have to be in or out and if they’re out there bad and if they’re in they’re good, we can start to be more… Just so much more at ease with… expansive …and allow things to kind of come into our space and leave our space too when they’re not relevant. And not to say, well no, now I’m onto the new thing and it’s wrong. It’s like, no, I’m onto this because it’s where I’m at right now. Not because where it should be.

Thal

Yes. “could, should, would.” [laugh]

Jonathan

Totally. Totally, totally. Yeah.

Adrian

Just this conversation right now, I’m taking moments to check into my sensations as I’m listening to… When you guys are speaking and I’m just sort of…

Thal

I’m buzzing. [laughing]

Adrian

Yeah. And there are moments where actually I’m also reminded that there are moments where nothing needs to be said either, right? So like sitting in that silence and just sort of processing the body sensations. It’s like, “actually, yeah, I don’t need to add anymore right now.” Right? And how important that insight is that I’m just connecting right now. Maybe in like a brainstorming session, you know, you’re with a group of friends and you’re trying to brainstorm ideas and sometimes it’s to not always be providing input and adding to it, but it’s just to kind of hold that awareness, open that perception, you know, bring in more information and sit with it.

Thal

And as you were saying that, I was thinking about something you had mentioned, Jonathan, earlier about wanting to be like more of yourself in the world. And that’s so important to be fully present, to be more of ourselves and to get there, yes, courage, but also, it’s going to sound very cheesy, but to really love ourselves, to allow it to come out into the world.

Jonathan

Yeah. What I’ve discovered is part of loving myself is being honest with myself about what I hate about myself. Because then I can at least be acknowledged and felt and it can be aired. And what a lot of people misperceive is that loving themselves is telling themselves positive things about themselves all the time. But what I’ve found is being ruthlessly honest with ourselves, um, and having the courage to allow for that is probably the greatest self love we can direct towards ourselves because it’s the deepest acceptance of whatever is really here as opposed to sanitizing what’s here in favour of what I think I should be or what’s appropriate for me or trying to be better than where I was two minutes ago. The truth is we’re only as good as what we are in the moment.

Thal

Absolutely. And being honest with ourselves. It goes both ways. It doesn’t have, it’s not about being harshly critical or just sugar coating everything.

Jonathan

“I’m scared”. “I’m embarrassed”. “I’m ashamed.” “I’m concerned” or “I’m worried” or “I’m happy”. Some people… Can’t believe …they don’t want it….they’re scared to be happy. And some people, terrified to be scared and it’s just because we don’t necessarily… Everyone’s got their own pattern. And so we can really know. It’s not typical to know what the thing is, but what it is is whatever the pattern is this hold back from feeling what is legitimately deep down already being felt at some level. For some people, feeling joy is actually a profoundly uncomfortable experience because it’s different and it’s unsafe and it means that I’ve taken my eye off the ball and I haven’t been whipping myself hard enough and something bad’s going to happen. So it’s for some people, you know, feeling joy would be appropriate, but then again, for other people they’re caught up in only feeling joy because there’s a sense of if I’m not feeling happy or joyfully pleasurable experiences, then there’s something bad going on. And so they shy away from feeling a negative experience and owning it all, experiencing and sharing it with the world or themselves at least first.

Adrian

Is there anything you want to share with listeners as far as, um, because we started this conversation with your story and there were so many juicy things that we dove into, but now also a, I kind of want to bring this story mode back and, and just a place that you feel comfortable leaving the audience.

Jonathan

So I think, um, what comes up for me is that if I think about where I’ve been and the journey I’ve been on, things I’ve learned on the journey, it’s um, it’s all really about being with whatever is there and allowing it to reveal itself fully. A lot of what we try and do is almost like project out in an abstract way. What I want and how I think I’m going to get there. And you know, I do a lot of strategic planning for the organization. It’s not a bad thing, but sometimes if what’s underneath is agitative or constrictive or tense, are we feeling depressed about something? So I’m going to now, while I’m in my constricted, depressed state, I’m going to try and project out where I want to be in the things I think I’m going to do when I’m depressed, it takes away from the experience of what I’m actually occurring inside. What’s actually occurring, I don’t get to experience it. So what I would say is in addition to the strategic planning and the figuring out where we want to go, which has absolute relevance in this world, let’s not get that wrong, we can include in that process a willingness to be with biological discomfort and the sensations as they are where we are in that moment just for a little bit more than what we would normally be with. To see what in that being with it, arises, what opens up, what, um, what transpires five, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. See what happens. Because that five or 10 or 15 minutes, it’s five or 10 or 15 minutes longer than you’ve ever done before. And so you’re giving your sell five or 10 or 15 minutes of a possibility you’ve never had before and then we don’t know what will come up in your brain in terms of giving you more strategic direction or what you think you could do next. Um, and that might be the very thing you need to have revealed in order for you to be inspired.

Adrian

Sounds beautifully terrifying. I love it. Jonathan. Thank you so much for joining us. It was a real pleasure.

Thal

Thank you.

Jonathan

You’re welcome. Thanks for having me guys.