Podcast

#16: Depth Hypnosis with Isa Gucciardi

Relying on our human will can only take us so far. There comes a time in our life when we have to surrender the mind and allow the soul’s path to unfold naturally. On this episode, we explore the unseen powers of nature with Isa Gucciardi. Isa has spent over 30 years studying spiritual, therapeutic, and meditative techniques from around the world. She has worked with master teachers of Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism and Sufism, as well as expert Shamanic practitioners from the indigenous traditions of Hawaii, North and South America, Siberia, and Nepal. Isa is the creator of Depth Hypnosis, a therapeutic modality that integrates elements of Shamanic journeying and Buddhist meditation. She guides us through a live Depth Hypnosis journey during the interview *please don’t follow this part while driving, for obvious reasons*. She is the co-founder of the Foundation of the Sacred Stream, a school for consciousness studies in California. They offer courses like Depth Hypnosis, Applied Shamanism, Buddhist Psychology and Integrated Energy Medicine. Isa is the author of two books, Return to the Great Mother and Coming to Peace

Highlights:

  • Experiencing Altered States at an Early Age
  • Live Depth Hypnosis: Guided Power Retrieval
  • Working with Plant Medicines in a Modern World

Resources:

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Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript:

Thal

Welcome to the show.

Isa Gucciardi

Thank you. So nice to be here.

Thal

Thank you. Yes.

Adrian

To start things off, we’d love to hear how your spiritual journey began. Um, any sort of particular orientation that you were brought up with that you might want to share with our listeners?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, I think my spiritual journey began as soon as I met trees. Um, I um, was very involved with nature when I was little. I lived in Hawaii and, um, you know, nature there is kind of in your face all the time, you know, you can’t kind of look away from it the way you can when you’re living in a place like New York City or something. And, um, you know, I spent a lot of time outside. I spent a lot of time, you know, with the birds, with the crabs, you know, with the wind. And you know, there was a real solace that I felt in nature. I felt, uh, you know, a real sense of connectedness that I didn’t feel necessarily with human beings. And I think that the question in my mind, arose very, very young, um, you know, how do we bring this peace that’s here in nature into the affairs of humans? You know, like from me, that was such a huge difference between the two worlds that I, you know, it was, it was really a question early on, how do we, how do we bridge these two worlds? So I think, um, you know, in terms of a spiritual tradition, it was definitely nature. That was my first set that offered my first set of teachings. I did, um, because I was in Hawaii and I had a lot of Japanese Hawaiian friends. Um, there were, um, of course the Buddhist temples that you find everywhere in Hawaii. And I used to, you know, try to arrive at my friend’s house just before I knew they were going to temple, so they would invite me. And I like the smell of the tatami mats and I, uh, you know, just love the smell of the incense and I didn’t really receive any particular teachings. They were, it was pure-land Buddhism, which is, you know, a pretty, um, you know, evangelical kind of Buddhism. But, you know, I didn’t know, I didn’t feel exposed necessarily to the teachings that were being offered there. It was more the Zeitgeist of the place, you know, the, the, just the, just the beauty and the, um, and the sort of energy around the Buddhist statues and the altar. The Altars were fascinating to me. And, um, and then the interesting, another interesting spiritual, but not, you know, again, not as powerful as nature was that I was sent to a missionary school. Um, and, and it was a Lutheran school. And the teachings there centered on Jesus as a healer. And, you know, this nice man who took care of the sheep, you know, it was like, you know, like you seem like such a nice guy, you know,I was, you know, and I love the idea that he could, he could heal people. Like that was like this amazing thing that he could put his hands.

Adrian

Sorry Isa we’re missing a little bit of the connection there. Um..

Isa Gucciardi

I don’t know, maybe I moved, are you there?

Adrian

Yes, yes. Yeah. Just the part about, um, uh, Jesus as a healer.

Isa Gucciardi

Yeah he could put his hands on someone and heal them. And it was, that was enthralling to me that, that, you know, that miracles could happen, you know, and that kind of gave me hope, you know, from my idea that, you know, maybe there was going to be some kind of a bridge between nature and human activity that, um, could help people. So those are sort of my early influences. Um, all of them kind of, you know, very independent and, you know, I didn’t have like, again, a lot of proselytization or anything like that. There was no kind of orthodoxy that I had to adhere to or anything like that.

Thal

And so from your earlier experiences with um, uh, nature and this sort of open state of spirituality, how did you first get interested in altered state and shamanic journeying?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, you know, the whole thing about altered states was, um, there was something that was started happening when I was quite young, where I would suddenly kind of be in another reality, you know, and I didn’t talk about this with anyone because I really didn’t know how to talk about it. And I thought that it was normal. Um, and you know, things would kind of slow down. The different light would come and then I would be in sort of connected through nature, you know, it would always happen in nature where there would just kind of be this expansion of awareness, um, this deepening of the peace that I already ….and the thing that I started realizing is that I seem to be more aware of things that other people weren’t aware of. You know, and it wasn’t really until, um, I encountered the theosophists, which I encountered pretty early on, probably around age 10 or 11, I found a book by, um, Blavatsky and, um, she was a channel and I started realizing, oh, maybe this is that, you know, and, and then there was this whole tradition of seances, um, that, that the theosophists were connected to and I thought, oh, that’s interesting. You know, like the, you know, so here’s this, here’s this, uh, sort of container that this thing is happening in. And then I remember, I, um, I had moved all around the world and, um, I came back to go to high school in New Jersey and the, there was really big thing back then. I don’t know if this still happens now, but everyone was always having slumber parties. And in the slumber parties they started doing seances. And I’m like, “Oh, I’m in!” You know, like, you know, it’s, uh, it’s so everyone would go around and, you know, they would, they would say, you know, like they would channel something or, you know, like, you know, and, and I just went ahead and did what I’d been doing in nature by myself for a long time. And there was, everybody started freaking out and I’m like, what’s going on? What’s wrong? You know? And, and I didn’t realize that everybody else was not really tuning into anything. And what I was tuning into was like super accurate for everyone. Like I remember this one girl asked me about her grandmother who had died and wanted to talk to her grandmother. And so I just kind of tuned in and found the grandmother and said all these things. And she started crying and freaking out. And I’m like, uh-oh, what did I do? You know? And, and then I realized, wait a minute, there’s something that other people can’t do, like other people can’t do this and there’s something that I am doing. And, um, and, uh, I, well, the good thing of that, I mean, she was freaked out. We had to calm her down, but the good thing was I became a hot ticket on the slumber party. Yeah.

Adrian

Do me do me! Do me next! [laughing]

Isa Gucciardi

I’d be like, yeah, you know, so, but, but it took me a while. I mean, that was kind of, you know, you know, not the most sacred set and setting for this sort of thing, you know, and, and, um, but my interest in altered states was, was always strong because of this early experience. And my interest in altered states increased over time as I really felt a further disconnection from the way in which people were expressing themselves and what they were saying and what they were actually thinking. You know, like, that was like really obvious to me, you know? And, and it was, um, you know, it was very disorienting. Like, it wasn’t comfortable. Like I didn’t, it made me feel really wary, you know, like that people could lie so much about something, you know, there’d be saying something that wasn’t true. And then thinking this other thing. And it made me feel, you know, like I really didn’t know what to do with all that and it was happening all around me and you know, I, and I didn’t really wound up spending, I mean I’m a very social person on one level, you know, like I like being with people. I think they’re interesting, I like helping people. Um, but I really had to spend a lot of time alone because there that disconnect was something that I was really trying to metabolize. And so I started really getting serious about exploring altered states of awareness. And I started meditating early on, you know, my Buddhist experience early on brought me back to zen and, um, you know, as a teenager and you know, exploring the altered state through meditation was, um, you know, of course very nourishing and yet there was always, um, this experience there I felt was a little stark, especially in Zen. Zen is quite stark. And I mean, I understand why they want to kind of have this kind of flat aesthetic so that you’re not distracted by external things. Like, I understand that the reason for it, but, um, it, you know, I, um, I had spent so much time with nature and with the beauty of nature and all of the changing forms internally of nature and I didn’t really buy into this idea that you shouldn’t have a lot of color and form and sound and light that could be part of the teaching. Right. And I, again, I understand the idea of having this stillness, this spaciousness, this depth of experience that does not contain a lot of other elements to it. And I certainly to this day, I have a practice of shamata, which is the essence of zen meditation where you’re really just focusing into the stillness and spaciousness. But I found it difficult to receive teachings actually. Like I could receive the teachings of the stillness, but if I had specific questions, I, you know, when I went into, when I was in nature as a child, I could ask the trees anything. I mean, they would give me all kinds of information and all kinds of teachings. And some of the most profound teachings I’ve ever received are from plants. And, um, so when I encountered shamanism, which I encountered actually because had moved around so much growing up, I first encountered it, um, it among the wechel ranch hands that took care of this ranch that I got sent to, um, when I wasn’t in school, uh, when we were living in Texas. So I spent a lot of time with those people and you know, they, they were really kind and they would show me, you know, what kinds of plants would you know, be needed for a specific, like if I had a cold or something, they would go out and pick plants with me and show me how to prepare them. And they taught me how to ride horses and they were just generally really kind. And I, and I started realizing these people are making the bridge between humans and nature. Like they were very integrated with nature and um, and the kindness and the sweetness of nature was within them. And that was a big deal for me. And, uh, you know, I tried to understand, you know, where’s this coming from? And they didn’t give me specific teachings in Shamanism, but there was always, you know, a wise, a wise man who would arrive and do ceremonies on the edge of the Mesa. And so I got very intrigued with that. You know, I was like, what is going on here? You know, and, um, and uh, and you know, there was, um, you know, just a real inoculation there. And later, I mean, just a few years later, I started studying pottery techniques. I was really fascinated with pit firing and, uh, the Pueblo Indians just north of that sort of in southern New Mexico, just north of northern Mexico where I’d been, um, that those people were very similar in some ways. Um, in terms of the potters were very connected to nature. You know, we would, we would dig the clay and, you know, we were making offerings to the land, thanking them for the clay. And I’ve got really drawn into shamanic practice like that. That was where it really started, you know, like through art, you know, through, through the exploration of the elements through pottery. I really got drawn into shamanic practice and started studying, you know, I had started studying a lot of different cultures already because I lived all over the world and I was really interested in the way that different cultures brought forward, different aspects of experience. And I really got interested in the way in which shamanic practice correlated with artistic practice in different cultures. And I started studying them more academically and actually got my first degree in cultural and linguistic anthropology and that, you know, cultural anthropology is really an academic study of shamanism. And, um, so I became exposed to the concept of the journey, the way of altering the state of awareness with song, with dance and with sound. And from me, the shamanic journey was just the most natural thing in the world. You know, like, I mean, I had already been doing it, you know, from, since I was two, you know. And I was really enthralled and I worked, um, you know, as a, you know, I mean, you know, I had been doing more and more work with my kind of quote unquote psychic capacities. I worked as a ground, for this pretty famous psychic and, you know, started doing a little bit of channeling on my own. And Michael Harner found out that I was a medium and asked me to do, I was a medium for him for many years and, um, wound up studying with him and he helped formalize some of the knowledge that I had received from working with all these different native Americans, um, in, you know, more of an artistic context but within shamanic practice and, um, that, you know, and then, but there was a way in which Michael was working with the journey, which I thought was, I thought it was great. You know, Michael is amazing person and we have to, we all owe him a great deal of respect because he was an anthropologist that wasn’t looking down on these little brown people that he was studying, which was the main thing that was happening in anthropology even, you know, up into the 70s. Yeah. So, um, uh, you know, I think, you know, the, you know, he was one of the first people who really, truly respected the people he was studying I think. And, or he said he did. You know, a lot of people didn’t say that. And um, so through, um, you know, so, so he, you know, he would teach the journey and you know, and it was interesting the way he was working with it. But in traditional shamanic practice, the journey is designed to establish a relationship with the unseen powers of nature. That’s what the journey is about. It’s a way of opening the worlds so that you can learn how to connect with the unseen forms of nature and then learn how to work with them in order to do things like divination or healing or a ceremony or conflict resolution. These are the kinds of uses that you might find with the journey in a traditional setting. But, um, you know, over time, you know, there was a lot that happened in between that experience and where I’m getting ready to go right now. But I, when I started teaching the journey, I really felt that we needed to work with the tools of the journey in a more modern way. Modern in that the modern psyche, you know, you’re talking about this crisis of meaning, you know, and I think it’s so wonderful that you’re focusing there. And I would love to talk about that forever, but, but one of the big issues with modern people is this crisis of meaning. And you know, you, you there, there is not within western culture, any kind of paradigm about spiritual evolution that is non dogmatic in nature. And, and you know, the real big problem with the spiritual education in the West is, you know, a big part of it is mediated by men who are hurting little boys and little girls. You know, like, so that’s a big issue. You know, there’s like the, the places where people might have gone for some kind of spiritual evolution, you know, really, you know, people could not trust anymore. And, um, and then you go to science with psychotherapy and there’s no discussion. You’re not allowed to talk about spirit. So people are coming with these issues, these crisis of meaning, the spiritual emergencies. And there’s nowhere to go. And, you know, I thought we should be working with the journey to help people understand how to deal with these issues, this sense of betrayal, the sense of loss, this sense of emptiness, this sense of abandonment that people feel, um, as a result of the families and the social structures breaking down that are supposed to support those kinds of inquiries to help people feel connected, whole, uh, useful, able to bring forward their gifts and have them received in a coherent way. You know, like that’s just not happening. So I had been studying Buddhism, you know, since a very young age and within Buddhist practice there is a very powerful form of the Vipassana Meditation that is sort of the next phase of meditation after Shamata where you have this focused inward, uh, attention into this stillness and the spaciousness. And once you attain that, you can then, if you choose, use that space of stillness and s and, and, and quiet to begin to use your mind in a form of inquiry into the nature of something. And this is Vipassana where you bring, this is one form of the Vipassana where you bring a particular issue in to that space that you’ve created and you allow your mind to open it through inquiry. And, um, I thought, let’s use the journey for that. Let’s ask questions that have to do with helping people come back to a sense of wholeness to a sense of meaning. And so we, I started developing this method of questioning that was more Buddhist in nature. Like what is, what is the nature of my creative source for instance, or what, what do I need to know about the relationship with my father in order to be able to form relationships with other men, right. In a whole way. Or, um, you know, what are the circumstances under which this fear that I have in the dark developed, right? So, so those kinds of questions are not the kinds of questions that are typically asked in a traditional shamanic practice, but they are the kinds of questions that might be addressed in a more kind of a broad minded Buddhist practice. So I combined the two. And so when we were teaching the shamanic journey within applied shamanism, it is designed toward personal evolution rather than toward only understanding the forces of nature and asking them to participate in the affairs of humans in a way that is beneficial, which of course I still teach that as well. That’s a big part of the applied shamanism program. But this use of the journey within applied shamanism is unique and I think it’s uniquely suited to the crisis that what you’re calling the crisis of meaning that we’re experiencing in the modern time. So that’s a really long answer to your question, how I become involved with the Shamanic journey. But there you go.

Thal

That was actually amazing. You just answered a few questions that we actually had lined up too in a linear fashion. So it’s just like, thank you. That was an amazing answer.

Isa Gucciardi

Oh, good. I’m glad. It’s helpful.

Adrian

Yeah. And just to see the combination of the, your exposure to Shush Shamanic culture and your Buddhist practice and that merging, you know, which is what I sense was the genesis of your depth hypnosis methodology. Um, could you share a little bit about what depth hypnosis is and perhaps what it’s not and what are some misconceptions people have when they first encounter that?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, the first misconception that people have is that it is not death hypnosis. People often think it’s D-E-A-T-H. It’s D-E-P-T-H hypnosis. And depth hypnosis is not stage hypnosis. Um, it’s not, one of the big issues with hypnosis is actually justified in that, um, people use hypnosis and a kind of performance kind of way to subjugate the will of another person as entertainment. And I mean, this could not be further from the purposes of depth hypnosis. And you find this even in clinical practice, you find hypnotists are drawn to hypnosis because they like the idea that they’re going to have power over someone’s capacity to move in and out of the different states of awareness. And I see this still, I see it frequently. Um, like at conferences, people get off on that idea and um, you know, if I’ve only had a couple of people come through my classes, I guess they didn’t read the fine print well enough thought they could do that kind of thing. And they lasted about an hour in class. Um, so, um, the, uh, the, the point of depth hypnosis is quite different in terms of alignment, which is that the depth hypnosis practitioner aligns with the will of the higher self of the person. They are serving, right? And so there’s this idea of service and it’s this idea of alignment with the highest good of the person that you’re working with. So you really are entering into a very sacred space when you’re entering into the inner world of another person. And with depth hypnosis, we really recognize and honor the privilege that we’ve been granted and work very hard to leave no traces. Uh, you know, I always say you never want to leave any footprints behind when you’ve been working with someone in an altered state. You want whatever their experiences to be felt by them to be arising from them and you want them to be engaged in such a way that they are empowered in the process and not passive. So that’s a big difference with depth hypnosis and other forms of hypnotherapy is that the clients are often passive and in depth hypnosis we seek to involve everyone in their process so that they are more empowered so that they are not depending on someone else ultimately to provide them with meaning about their experience, that they are discovering the meaning of their experience themselves. So this is, this is a very, very basic part of depth hypnosis in terms of orientation and how it is different from other forms of hypnosis. And other forms of hypnotherapy. Um, and then of course within depth hypnosis, there’s a hundred other things that make it different from other forms of hypnosis and hypnotherapy, which is Shamanism in Buddhism. Right? And also the integration of energy medicine, which is at the heart of both shamanic and Buddhist practice. And um, you know, it all takes its seat within the Western clinical practice in transpersonal psychology rather than in clinical psychology because in clinical psychology there really is not this idea that the participation of spirit is part of the therapeutic process. And of course in transpersonal psychology there is definitely the invitation toward the transcendent to participate in the therapeutic experience. And so depth hypnosis takes its place within that seat of western therapeutic practice because we are definitely always working with the transcendent and helping the person try to understand what their relationship is to this deeper place within them, where their deeper experience is held and that deeper experience is going to have the solution to whatever the symptom they are trying to address with the therapeutic process and working with depth hypnosis, helping a person move into an altered state of awareness generally through suggestions for relaxation helps them access that transcendent aspect of themselves that in Buddhism is called Buddha-nature. This aspect of the self that is compassionate kind wise or in Shamanic practice would be referred to as core power, the part of them that is connected to their creative sources in a powerful way. And um, and in through the connection with that part of the self, then the issues that lie in the symptoms that are creating problems such as fear of flying or binge eating or too much alcohol consumption or anxiety or kind of obsessive kinds of mental processes or chronic fatigue or any of the different layers or layers of experience that the symptoms might be manifesting on. They are assisted and brought to resolution by helping the person move into this altered state of awareness where they encounter this transcendent part of themselves. And then they also encounter the roots and sources of the symptoms that they have come into the therapeutic process to heal.

Thal

Um, so speaking of the experiential and practical side of things, um, I don’t know, are you open to maybe take us and our listeners through a live journey of depth hypnosis or a sample? A taste?

Isa Gucciardi

Sure.

Thal

Okay. Cool.

Isa Gucciardi

Do you want to do that now?

Adrian

Yeah that would be great!

Isa Gucciardi

Let’s, um, let’s do that process that I talked about where you’re connecting with your Buddha nature or in depth hypnosis, we call it the part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent. And the reason we use that phraseology is because it’s neutral, right? It’s like if somebody hears Buddha nature, they’re like, oh no, somebody is trying to proselytize me.

Thal

Yes, yes.

Isa Gucciardi

Or if they hear helping spirit, which is the words that are often used in Shamanic practice and connecting with Shamanic teachers through the journey, then they hear the word spirit and they get really allergic. Really fast.

Thal

Spooked out.

Isa Gucciardi

Right. Exactly. It’s good. Right. So we use this, this phrase, the part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent because that allows anyone to access the transcendent within them in a way that has meaning for them, right? So that’s what we’ll be doing right now. So just allowing yourself to get settled, noticing all the places where the surface do you meets different parts of your body. And as you do, just noticing where your breath is, noticing as you breathe in, where your breath goes. And noticing as you breathe out where your breath goes. And just becoming aware of the way in which your breath is like a bridge between your outer world and your inner world. And just allowing yourself with each breath to draw a bit closer into your inner world, into that place where everything that you’ve ever known or felt or sensed or dreamed or imagined is recorded. And as you come into this place, just knowing that we’re here today to connect with a part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent and which you may experience through any of your senses, or you may sense, for instance, hearing this part of yourself, you may see this part of yourself. You may feel this part of yourself and just knowing that it may take any form that has meaning to you, such as an animal or a plant, or a person, or a light or a sound, or a mythic or angelic being. And just allowing yourself for now, however, to just return to your breath and as you do, just allowing yourself to sense or feel or imagine that as you breathe in that you can draw a sense of relaxation that you may have noticed is a rising all around you and just allowing yourself on your next breath to bring that sense of relaxation up into your head and face. Just letting the muscles, your eyes and jaw let go of any tension they might be carrying and feeling that same relaxation flowing down into your neck and throat, down into your shoulders, your arms and hands. And on your next breath I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that same relaxation filling your lungs and just noticing how your heart feels is that relaxation flows throughout your chest, down into your belly, bathing all of your organs of digestion and elimination and reproduction in a soothing bath of relaxing energy and just feeling that same relaxation flowing down through your hips, down to your legs, all the way down to your feet. And on your next breath, I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that that relaxation has created a star or Sun at the base of your skull. And I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine that star or Sun radiating throughout your mind, harmonizing your brainwaves and just noticing that is your mind. Relax. Your body feels even more relaxed and that as your body relaxes, your mind feels even more relaxed. And just noticing the connection between your mind and your body as you allow that relaxation to flow down your spine, vertebra by vertebra, relaxing all the nerves and muscles in your back, all the way down to the base of your skull, down through your bottom and down through the back of your legs, all the way to your feet again. And I’m wondering if you might notice now that you’re so filled with this relaxation that it could actually be coming out of the pores of your skin and surrounding you in a cocoon or a cloud of soothing, relaxing energy and as you feel supported in this way. I’m wondering if you can sense or feel or imagine there’s a staircase here before you and that staircase leads to the place within you where you’ll encounter this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent and which you may experience through any of your senses in any form that has meaning to you. So just allowing yourself now as I count from 10 to one to travel along the staircase knowing that when we reach one you’ll be in the place where you’ll be very close or in the presence of this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent. So 10 just finding your feet on the stair, noticing if the stairs made of wood or stone or some other material. Nine feeling your hand on something like a guard rail and a knowing that you have complete control over this process and that you can come back to the surface at any time if you’re uncomfortable for any reason, but seven knowing that you can actually go quite deeply because you do want to understand this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent better. Six, just allowing all of your inner senses to open quite widely. Now five, your inner sense of taste, touch and smell, your inner sense of sight and hearing that especially that sixth sense of just knowing, allowing them all to open quite widely for as you focus now on a place perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at peace. Three, knowing that you can trust the impressions that you’re receiving as you focus even more intently on this place, perhaps in nature where you felt comfortable and at peace. Two, knowing that you can allow your conscious mind with any doubt or fear to simply rest as you focus even more intently on this place. Perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at and one, just allowing yourself now as you get to the end of the stair to step out into this place, this place perhaps in nature where you have felt comfortable and at peace and as you do just taking a deep breath and noticing the particular odour of this place and allowing that smell to bring you into even deeper contact with it. Noticing the quality of the light, listening for any sounds and just noticing if the wind is still on your cheek or if there’s a breeze and just letting yourself rest here. Noticing perhaps for the first time in a long time how much this place is a part of you and how much you’re apart of this place. Just finding yourself in that connection, resting, noticing all of the different qualities of this place. Just noticing with all of your senses, if there’s any particular aspect of this place that’s drawing your attention more strongly than others and just allowing your attention to be drawn to the place that’s drawing your attention most strongly and allowing all of your senses to move to that place. You may be being drawn to a plant or an animal or a light or a sound, or perhaps even a mythic or angelic being, or perhaps even a person or some other form that has meaning for you here and as your attention is drawn to that place, focus all of your senses there and ask this question, would you be willing to guide me and protect me? Would you be willing to guide me and protect me and listening knowing that you may receive that answer with any of your senses. You may hear the answer as a verbal message. You may experience the answer is a telepathic message. There may be a knowing or there may be some action on the part of this potential guide for you or there may be a change in the environment that would indicate the answer to this question. Would you be willing to guide me and protect me and as you receive this answer, if the answer is yes, you can simply become aware of the different qualities of this guide, the nature of its power, its personality, and if the answer is no, don’t worry. There’ll be another opportunity to connect. Just allowing yourself now to rest in this answer and just bringing this answer, this connection back with you. Now as you come back gently to the surface, I’ll count from one to 10 and as I do one, just allowing yourself to return along the same path that you came. Two, knowing that you can return here at any time. Three, and feeling the connection with this part of yourself that has only your highest good as its sole intent, growing stronger. Four, and deep. Five, with each number. Six, as you come back closer to the surface. Seven, feeling this surface under you. Again, Eight. And when you’re ready, just stretching a bit. Nine. And when you’re ready, just opening your eyes and 10 you’ll be back in the room remembering everything.

Thal

Wow. That was amazing. Thank you.

Isa Gucciardi

You’re welcome. And maybe just take a minute to review your experience so you can kind of integrated a bit and you know, your listeners may want to go ahead and write down their experience while it’s fresh.

Thal

Mm hmm. The thing that stands out for me is, um, for a moment I felt like different pieces of my life sort of came together and I, you know, I mean, I don’t want to interpret or anything, but just, just wanted to share that.

Isa Gucciardi

That’s wonderful. You might want to really explore that further. Yes, yes. And what the meaning of that might be. Um, because you know, one of the things that, um, you know, this is actually a Shamanic process. It’s an adaptation of the Shamanic journey. And you know, this is typical of depth hypnosis. What it does is it brings Shamanic and Buddhist and energy medicine and hypno-therapeutic processes into an everyday conversation so that people can access, um, deeper parts of themselves in order to heal more deeply. And what you just described, different parts of yourself coming together or different parts of your experience coming together. This, from a Shamanic perspective would be, an expected effect of a power retrieval and the shamanic journey is a power retrieval in that it is helping the person connect with power within themselves in order to be able to feel more whole. So you kind of just had that experience. Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. Thank you. That was such a beautiful journey. I want to ask, because you mentioned, you know, even for listeners if they want to pause and take notes, what would you advise to do after an experience like that? Or maybe what would you advise against? Um, can you do it wrong? What, what, when, you know, in terms of beginner mistakes that when one starts to journey this way.

Isa Gucciardi

Um, well if you follow the, the, the process that I prescribed is this very hard to like do something wrong. Um, but one of the things that can happen, um, is that sometimes when people start to go inward for the first time, they may encounter issues that they had kind of been keeping it at arm’s length. And so sometimes people will feel a little anxious or something like that. And I always recommend when people start feeling that at the beginning of the process. If that happens for you, then you would, you know, one thing that I would say is let that anxiousness just rest for a little while because we are going to connect with a form of power that’s going to help you with that anxiousness. If you can just let it rest, you’re going to get some help with it. So if that happened for someone, you know, there’s a little bit of advice. And then in terms of, um, what would be the next, the next steps, you know, you probably need a little bit of guidance but you can connect back with that teacher. You can follow the same path that you took and you can ask a question. And, um, this is one of the things that we focus on extensively in the shamanic journey class is how to form questions and how to interpret answers. And, but for now, just try to stay with a one part question and that doesn’t begin with why. And, um, just go ahead and follow that same path back to this teacher. Ask Your question and then again, allow for the emerging of the answer in a variety of ways. Again, there may be a telepathic or verbal message. There may be a visceral experience. There may be an action on the part of the teacher and you may have to interpret it. Um, and I, you know, there is on the, on the website there’s going to be a class coming up specifically for distance learners. Um, we have time zone experiences that are suited for everyone around the world now and, um, that’ll be coming up in August, but we’ll also be teaching the Shamanic journey on Pacific time. Um, so if that’s not too onerous for someone living life, for instance in Toronto, that’s not too hard. Um, you can tune in distance learning to the live class and you can get more instruction and guidance on posing questions and interpreting answers. And also I’ll be teaching a class on dreams coming up very shortly, um, online and in that class I spend a lot of time helping people understand how to interpret their dreams, which is a very similar process to interpreting the experience in the shamanic journey. So that would be a place where people could also get some insight on interpretation. So, um, you know, I think that the other thing that I think is really important, um, is to really like as you’re falling asleep at night or waking up in the morning to just connect with this part of yourself just as a, as a way of deepening the bond with it and becoming aware of it in your daily life. Um, a lot of times what I like to do after doing a power retrieval for someone is to give them a little present, like a stone or you know, um, you know, a leaf or some other form of nature that they can kind of just keep in their pocket. Um, and then when they touch it in their pocket, they remember the connection and that helps integrate this sense of guidance and protection into your everyday life and it changes the way you are in the world, you know. Um, and one last thing that I would say not to do is I wouldn’t like when you’re working in this way, um, it’s important to know who you’re talking to before you talk about your experience. You know, in Buddhism there’s this concept, you know, having the ears to hear and eyes to see, you know, I wouldn’t like, you know, talk about this deep connection that you have with your guide, you know, to a bunch of drunk people, you know, I get why they probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate it and it might drain the power, you know? So here’s a thought.

Thal

Yeah. And along those lines too, like, um, I was thinking, um, you know, you had mentioned that sometimes these types of journeying brings up, um, uh, things that people have kept in the shadows, sort of. So maybe to have self compassion and not to have lots of expectations when doing these steps of journeying and maybe if someone needs to seek a therapist or a counsellor or even a friend to process that, that’s important too.

Isa Gucciardi

Great idea. Excellent idea. And you know, there’s a lot of depth hypnosis practitioners that work on the phone and you can find them at a DepthHypnosisPractitioners.org If you find like you want more help, you know, there’s, and there’s also applied shamonic practitioners that are available as well at AppliedShamanism.org.

Thal

Amazing. Okay. Um, there’s this question that have been sitting with really even before the interview. Um, I know you touched upon it a little bit earlier when you mentioned, um, the connection between Buddhism, Shamanism, anthropology, modernity, academia. Um, the question of what shamanism means has been coming up a lot lately, I’ve noticed. There’s a lot of discussion on the Internet, um, you know, uh, issues of cultural appropriation and what not. So, um, uh, what are your thoughts around that issue?

Isa Gucciardi

Um, well, the definition of Shamanism, the basic thing about Shamanic practice is that it is a method for understanding the wisdom of the earth and for bringing the unseen powers that are contained in the forms of nature into the affairs of humans. That is the essential definition of Shamanism. The word ‘Shaman’ is actually a Mongolian language the Tongas word, which means “he or she who knows”. And of course what the person knows is how the world of the unseen affect the world of the scene and how the world of the seen affects the world of the unseen. And so that the Shaman is always moving back and forth across what most people experience as a kind of divide. But, um, from the Shaman, those kinds of divides the, the veil between the seen and the unseen is very thin and, um, you know, the veil between life and death is very thin. You know, these. Um, so there’s this, you’re working constantly with the forces of nature to deepen your own understanding of these forces and to understand how to work with them again, to serve the community and things like divination or conflict-mediation or healing. And, um, this is what I’ve just described is true of all Shamanic practices across the world.

Thal

Yes.

Isa Gucciardi

And, um, you might find different kinds of cultural settings because of the climate. Or the nature of the land where the practice is, is done. Um, uh, or, um, you know, there may be certain types of rituals or ceremonies that are different in one place than another, but the actual underlying energetic experience is similar across the globe. And this is because the earth is the teacher and all Shamanic practitioners are learning from the earth in their own particular setting and their own particular way. But the teachings are very similar that emerge in different parts of the earth. And yet there are some areas of the earth that provide specific types of teachings. Like, you know, there may be some areas on the earth that where there’s a lot of teaching about the intelligence of plants and there may be another place on the earth where the earth is teaching about life and death. You know there’s many different courses that the earth offers in terms of..

Thal

Contextual courses.

Isa Gucciardi

Right, right, exactly. So, and you know, in terms of cultural appropriation, you know, the earth belongs to all beings and all beings have not only the right, but the responsibility to learn to listen to the earth and to bring the earth into their hearts and to allow the earth to bring her into the her heart in order to learn. And, you know, there’s different, um, again, cultural settings that you could access like a cultural ceremony, like a Sundance where you can access the teachings of the earth through that ceremony that is particular to that particular cultural setting. Um, but, you know, you would need to be invited in order to use that access point, you would need to have the permission of the peoples who have set up that access point.

Thal

An initiation of sorts?

Isa Gucciardi

Well, you know, to be brought through an initiation or just, you know, have permission to be nearby, right? And I think that if, you know, I think that, um, you know, it’s important to respect different access points that are held in different cultures. Um, and you know, certainly it’s important for a person who’s interested in Shamanic practice to develop their own relationship with the helping spirits of nature and to, and to understand why they are doing that and how they’re doing that in their own way. It doesn’t have to be through a cultural context. And certainly in applied shamanism, I’m quite specific about stripping cultural trappings from the practices. And the reason that I do that is because I’m trying to bring these practices into the modern time and make them as relevant as possible to the problems of modern people. But I’m also very careful not to try to use any kind of practice that is part of a cultural setting that I don’t have the permission to use. So I’m never worried about cultural appropriation because I’m very clean in the way that I work, um, you know, I have a respect for all Shamanic practices that are working within the light. And, um, I think that, uh, um, I certainly understand how people in certain cultural environments would be upset to have people coming in from the outside and trying to kind of consume their spiritual practices. And I do think that’s inappropriate, but I, at the same time, I think it’s important for people to understand that the earth belongs to all of us and we do have that responsibility to respect and honor her. And what better way to learn how to do that than to learn from the unseen powers that she holds within her and Shamanic practice is offers a pathway to that learning.

Adrian

Isa, it’s been such a rich conversation. I want to bring this to a close with sort of a two part question. Um, on the one hand, we’re experiencing this renaissance of the psychedelic interest in exploration and healing. I want to hear your thoughts and what you’re excited about and perhaps what you’re concerned about with this trend. And maybe just to along with that question is what is your vision of the future of consciousness exploration and healing?

Isa Gucciardi

Well I think that the, you know, in terms of the renewed interest in psychedelics, I think it’s a wonderful, um, and I also think that again, it comes with responsibilities and, um, I think that it’s important, um, to not approach a psychedelic plants or psychotropic plants with the kind of consumer attitude. Like what can you do for me kind of attitude. I think it’s important to enter into the realm of the plants from a place of respect and to remember that within Shamanic practice, the work with plants is very broad. It doesn’t only focus on psychotropic plants, the, the use of plants in all Shamanic cultures for healing is a specialized area of study for Shamanic practitioners. And understanding the broader intelligence of plants from that context is very important before you even begin to think about the realms of being that the psychotropic plants open to the practitioner or, and so I think we have to keep it, you know, the exploration of psychotropic plants well seated within traditional Shamanic practice that includes the broader intelligence of plants. So this is very, very important. Um, and I think that, uh, uh, of course the pitfalls are many because you have people who are facilitating plant circles that may not have this deeper understanding, may not have their intentionality as clear as it might be. But I think, you know, if you, if you do due diligence and you understand that the nature of the facilitator, the kind of education and intention they have, excuse me. Um, and let me just get a little drink of water. Thank you. Um, and if you are sincere in your own seeking, like I wouldn’t just drop into a plant circle off the street. I would make it part of a larger spiritual inquiry, to be very clear on what your intentionality is in engaging with the plants and to set an intention to receive teachings and to a particular area of your life that needs healing or clarity and, to set your intention in that way. I mean, the plants will do what they’re going to do, but by, by having the discipline to open yourself to places where the plant might best assist you is important. And also, I think it’s important after the experience to spend some time integrating what you have learned and to really not engage with psychotropic plants until again, until you have integrated what you have learned. And you know, in the plant medicine insight integrations program that we have as part of our Applied Shamanism program here at the sacred stream, we teach people how to facilitate, uh, you know, sessions beforehand that are Depth Hypnosis or Shamanic counselling in nature to help people focus and sessions afterwards to help people integrate. And I think this is really key and really fundamental to working with the plants to be working in this larger, larger context. Um, and you know, I think, you know, for me, I’m always concerned about the depletion of the plants and I think that we need to create farms. We need to create sustainable practices of harvesting and we need to keep front and center how incredibly lucky we are to be able to have access to this wisdom and to protect it’s access with our respect and, um, with our practice.

Thal

It’s like we need more wisdom to actually access wisdom traditions in some ways.

Isa Gucciardi

In some ways, that’s true. Yeah, and actually that’s, you just said what I do [laughing]. Here’s the tools. Like let’s try them on, let’s use them. Where did they take us? What did we learn?

Thal

Right, right, right.

Isa Gucciardi

Yes. Very important. Very, very insightful comment there.

Thal

Thank you.

Adrian

Thank you so much for today. We’re going to provide all those links for listeners to access the programs, Sacred Stream, and thanks for the guided journey. That was wonderful.

Thal

Yes. That was amazing. Thank you.

Isa Gucciardi

You’re so welcome. It’s such a pleasure. I’m so inspired by your dedication to the work. Congratulations.

Thal

Thank you so much. Thank you.

#15: From Ecstasy to Remedy – MDMA Therapy with Anne Wagner

As the so-called third wave of psychedelic renaissance unfolds, the notion of self-improvement has taken a new and deeper meaning. After a long slumber, the field of mental health is waking up to the therapeutic potentialities of these powerful tools in relieving symptoms of depression, PTSD, addiction, and fear surrounding terminal illness. Targeted towards beginners, Michael Pollen’s book How To Change Your Mind, published in the summer of 2018, propelled the conversation around psychedelics to the forefront. Whether it is MDMA, LSD, psilocybin, ayahuasca, or others, the potential for consciousness expansion and psycho-spiritual growth is immense.

The FDA recently granted “Breakthrough Therapy” Designation to MDMA for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and is currently in phase 3 clinical trials. Popularly known as a recreational drug, and as the main ingredient in ecstasy, MDMA is paving the way for the possible near-term legalization of psychedelic therapy.

On this episode, we talk to Anne Wagner, a clinical psychologist and one of the lead investigators involved in the MAPS funded clinical trials of MDMA + cognitive-based psychotherapy for PTSD. Anne tells us how she ended up working in the cutting edge of psychedelic science and what these studies offer for the future of mental health. In her clinical practice, Anne applies a cognitive-behavioural and mindfulness-based approach to therapy and she also offers preparation and integration of psychedelic and non-ordinary state experiences. We got to connect with Anne at her new clinic, Remedy in Toronto. 

Highlights:

  • MDMA + Cognitive Based Conjoint Therapy for PTSD
  • Leading Psychedelic Research
  • The Future of Mental Health

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal

Welcome Anne to the show.

Anne Wagner

Thanks so much for having me.

Thal

Thank you.

Adrian

Yeah, we’re sitting in your space, Remedy in Toronto. No, actually that’s one of the things we do want to ask you about is to learn more about the work that you’re doing here. Um, but before we dive into your current work. We tend to like to go backwards and just learn about your journey and how you got interested in the intersections between psychology, psychedelic science and specifically the MDMA studies and how did that all come together for you?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So it was not a planned path, that’s for sure. Adding these things together. So I knew pretty early on that I wanted to pursue psychology. So within, you know, the first two years of my undergrad degree, I decided that psychology was something I found really interesting. And the thing that I liked the most about it was just the breadth and depth that you could have within one field. So you could be, um, learning how to run studies. You could be seeing clients, you could be investigating all kinds of different things that have to do with the human psyche and our experiences in the world. So, uh, that to me, the ability to be able to have a life where I got to ask lots of questions and be constantly learning and changing seemed really appealing. So I started that in my undergrad and then decided that, you know, clinical psychology was probably the right route for me. And I started Grad school at Ryerson in Ryerson University in Toronto and I started that in 2007 so I started my master’s and my PhD at Ryerson and then my internship at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. And then I went back to Ryerson and did a five year post doc and it was during that post doc that I really, uh, developed a really strong love and interest in working with trauma. And that would have been something that I had always been interested in. And I’d done work in my PhD, uh, working with my mentor Candice Monson, uh, around treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder. And then in my postdoc that really got honed into how do we work with and improve the treatments that we have or potentially make new treatments for PTSD. So, and the reason why I found that so compelling was that the treatments we have, they worked for some people some of the time. And that’s amazing. When they work, you see such incredible change for folks, especially with PTSD. Feeling like that feels permanent or like people are totally changed from how they were before. And, um, the idea that someone can really have their world open up and be able to have a new future after that to me was absolutely compelling. And, um, you know, I tell the story sometimes that my, I think my interest really started in that given my grandfather was a World War II vet and he worked with Veterans Affairs Canada as an under administer of veterans affairs. And, um, he really, really believed in supporting the veterans in terms of their experiences. And at the time, you know, we didn’t have a word for PTSD after World War II, but he knew that there were lots of people who were struggling after their experiences. So I kind of grew up understanding that this was after really challenging and traumatic experiences oftentimes that people have no choice whatsoever in the circumstances in which they’re placed, um, that we owe our brothers and sisters, you know, the ability to help work through, move forward and heal in different ways. So, um, that all kind of started to resonate and coalesce when I was in my post doc and, uh, I was working with Candace on some studies around this treatment that she developed a called Cognitive Behavioural Conjoint Therapy for PTSD. And so it’s a couple’s treatment and that to me was so interesting and fit with my values in terms of being able to work interpersonally with folks and seeing the impact not just on the person, but on their relationships, on their families, on their communities, in terms of how trauma impacts us. So we were doing work with CBCT and testing that in various ways when Candice was approached by the team at MAPS around it, which is the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies about potentially collaborating. And the MAPS team had been looking at the use of MDMA for the treatment of PTSD, uh, for many years at that point, over a dozen years. And, uh, with, you know, the steps before that having taken, you know, another 15 before that. So there was some conversations and I was really lucky to just kind of parachute into this conversation right at the beginning with Candice and we decided to be open minded and give it a go. And so, um, the really exciting piece for me was that I have no idea about psychedelic use in psychotherapy at that point. Like zilch.

Adrian

What year was this?

Anne Wagner

Uh, this would have been in 2013. So I went from literally no knowledge to now running clinical trials with MDMA. And it’s been the most impactful transition for me, um, in terms of my own trajectory and growth and as both a person but also as a researcher and a clinician. So a lot has changed in six years, that’s for sure. And, uh, yeah, at that point, that’s when we started to work on this pilot study of Cognitive Behavioural Conjoint Therapy plus MDMA for the treatment of PTSD. And that started off by Candice and I getting to have our own MDMA therapy experiences through a study for therapists that gave them the experience of understanding what that feels like. And that for me was the thing that convinced me that this was going to be worth my time and energy and putting a lot of love behind this work. So yeah, that was the starting point. That session would have been in spring of 2014 and it’s been kind of history since then in terms of getting this going. So, yeah.

Thal

Um something I’m thinking about when you’re talking about PTSD, um, a lot of people connect it only with veterans. Granted veterans have, you know, they go through a lot and they see all kinds of horrible scenarios. But there are also different types of PTSD, complex PTSD. Um, there are people that, you know, due to childhood trauma have PTSD. So maybe we can, if you can just talk about PTSD a little bit.

Anne Wagner

Sure. Yeah. So PTSD arises from a whole number of different traumatic experiences in people’s lives and they can be, it can be for repeated experiences like a childhood abuse experiences. It can be from repeated exposure to adverse details. For example, first responders are prime for that experience. It can be from single incidents, like it could be from an assault or an accident or witnessing something really traumatic happening to somebody else. Um, and it can be, as you said, for veterans from the experiences of war. It can be from displacement, it can be from all kinds of different aspects of conflict. So yeah, the idea behind PTSD is it can come from all these different things. Um, but it often looks the same in terms of its presentation in terms of what it looks like and people feeling like their need to avoid things that remind them of the traumatic experience. Whatever that experience is. There’s the re-experiencing of thoughts and memories associated with the event or events. There’s a hyper arousal that goes alongside of it. So that feeling in your body of being constantly on alert or constantly activated in some way. And then there’s numbing that goes alongside of it as well. So you may have either really strong emotions and really challenging cognitions or you may end up having a numbed out experience where you’re not feeling much at all. And so all of those, that constellation of symptoms, if you will, or things that happen, they all form to make up PTSD. And, uh, the differentiation, you know, between complex PTSD and PTSD, um, is, you know, it’s one where I think people find it really helpful to talk about complex PTSD, to think about the extent of the experience that they’ve had. Um, and what would I find in the research is actually that the treatments that we have for PTSD as just PTSD work for complex PTSD as well. So I think that, um, for me, I, I would get questions around complex PTSD and what I think about that, and you know, I’ve, I’ve done some publishing actually around challenging the construct.

Thal

That there is no real difference.

Anne Wagner

Right. Yeah. And it’s simply because if we really whittle it down, what matters most…

Thal

Is the experience.

Anne Wagner

Is experience. But it’s also, if we’re going to differentiate, it’s usually because we want to figure out how to best help and best treat. And so therefore, if how we treat would be the same, why would we differentiate between the two? I mean, I’m a fan of parsimony, so.

Thal

I like that. Yeah.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. So he was very open to however, however you want to interpret your experience, 100%, that’s, that’s in your hands. Um, but how it guides how we formed treatment, I think is a different way.

Thal

I think the main thing is that because a lot of people who are suffering from PTSD and they’re not veterans, they don’t legitimize their, you know, they feel like, you know, or, or they perceive like, “do you really have PTSD?” Like you, yeah, we’re not in a war zone or something like that.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I do think that helps in terms of, or can I notice it more actually in terms of, uh, folks having a broader understanding of their experience if they feel like they identify with one term another and yeah. I think whatever means to be able to own and accept the experience is useful. Yeah.

Adrian

I put a flag down when you mentioned, um, having that experience with, with Candice the first time you were sort of, sort of convinced that you wanted to do this research.

Anne Wagner

Yeah.

Adrian

Are you comfortable sharing what that experience was like?

Anne Wagner

Sure. Yeah. Um, so yeah. Okay. So the experience of having an MDMA therapy session, uh, so the way it was designed in that first, the thing I participated in, we had one active session and then one placebo session of course that you don’t know which one you’re going to get first and uh,

Adrian

But you’ll pretty quickly know which one… [laughing]

Anne Wagner

Yes. Well, I figured it out, although it was pretty funny about an hour in, I wasn’t, I was not perceiving any effect at that point. And I thought to myself, I was like, “you know, this is probably placebo. All right. Like I’ll have to wait.”

Thal

“Oh, no it’s not!”

Anne Wagner

Oh yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like within 10 minutes. You know, it’s funny, everyone else had seen my blood pressure spike, but I had not seen the, um, the recording side. I had eye shades on and they were all, you know, waiting. And then I’m like, wow. Yeah. Um, so that experience for me was, uh, it was so interesting. It was the most impactful therapeutic experience I’ve ever had. It felt like I was able to check in and all these areas in my life really quickly where without any extra layers on top of it. Like it took away my own judgment and shame and guilt around things. And it let me literally just go through all the areas of my life and go, what do we think about this? What do we think about this? How about that? And it felt like I wasn’t particularly intending to check in these areas, but it allowed me to do that. And it felt like I reached my conclusion easily and readily. And even if that conclusion was ambivalence about something, I was like, great, I’m ambivalent about that. That’s the answer. So it let me not second guess a lot of things that were happening in my internal world. Um, and I found that, that the effects of it lasted for a really long time. I mean, it, it literally that session I felt like I was integrating and processing for, you know, weeks if not months later. But the overall impact for me has been, yeah, well it really, it changed my life and a lot of ways, not just because of the therapy, but also what it had then led to. And I think that that sense of that deep investigation and exploration can really help to shape your trajectory. So, um, yeah, so that was, and I was actually great, really grateful to have a placebo session next. Cause then I just got to integrate the whole experience a few days later. Talk about it going like, wow. All right, so all this stuff happened in that session. I get to chat about it. Now.

Adrian

I guess at that point then, um, what were the next steps after having the experience and then you can ask to go go ahead with the research. Was that the deciding point to, to move along and then to move ahead.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, it, yeah, it certainly was for me, I think we went in pretty open minded, like, you know, curious to explore it, but using that as a, uh, a test to see did we think that this might have value or could you see this working? Um, and so after that we ended up.. Initially we were thinking a lot about, okay, so we’ll go into the experience. So she had these questions in mind and we should think of that. And then as soon as I got into the MDMA experience, I was like, forget it. I’m just having my own experience. I’m not thinking about methodology for study. Right. We basically, we both chose to use that week just to have our own experiences and think through that. And then with time, you know, I quickly made the decision that I wanted to use this as a tool for therapy, but we then gave ourselves a bit of space to then actually start thinking up what that would look like in terms of a treatment and a protocol and things.

Thal

So, so you guys combined the MDMA therapy with uh, you said CBCT. That’s right. It, can you talk to us about that please?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, we use, so CBCT Cognitive Behavioural Conjoined Therapy for PTSD is a 15 session treatment that’s designed for two people to go through the treatment together and uh, those two people could be in any way in relation with each other. It’s generally speaking, is romantic couples who choose to go through treatment together, but it doesn’t mean it has to be. Um, and so within that treatment folks are taken through kind of three main phases of therapy. The first phase is really understanding PTSD. Um, doing some psychoeducation about what PTSD is, what it might look like in your relationship, how it’s impacting you as well as talking about, uh, how anger and aggression can impact the relationship and just beginning to understand what those look like in the relationship and building some skills to counteract that and cope with. And then moving into phase two, we go more specifically into other skill building. So communication skills, like paraphrasing and some problem solving skills and beginning to approach things that the couple has been avoiding. And so we designed these approach tasks with the couple to help them be able to live a life of approach where they’re, you know, engaging together and doing things that they may not have been doing otherwise. And then the third phase specifically moves into making meaning of the traumatic event. And so thinking about areas where each of them, and together they may be stuck around the trauma, um, and thinking through some core themes that are related to trauma. So acceptance and blame are a big one. A control, power, trust, esteem, intimacy, um, post-traumatic growth. So using those. And then, uh, so that’s the framework of CBCT. And then what we did when we added MtMDMA to it was, we put it in strategic places in the protocol where we thought, uh, you know, if we were going to want to boost the effect of what we’re doing, we’d maybe want it in these two places. So one was in right after they’ve learned the communication skills. And so being able to have those skills as a bit of a template to be able to work with the experience together, both during and after. And then again, we placed one right in the heart of the trauma processing. So they’d started some and then we put the MDMA session to allow them to see what else could unravel in that moment and then work with them to integrate it after.

Thal

I think he had mentioned that it’s not only romantic couples, right. Have you guys had different types of dynamics?

Anne Wagner

So in the pilot with the MDMA, it was only romantic couples. Uh, we were open to, the recruitment was open for any type of diet, but it was only couples who came in. Um, but then in case studies that we’ve worked with outside of that study, we’ve seen, um, parent-child, we’ve seen, um, good friends go through it together and trying to think who have had siblings. Yeah. So there’s been a few different constellations.

Thal

And, and do you think the impact of the therapy would be different if it was just singular? Like, just like the person that’s suffering from PTSD without the conjoint.

Anne Wagner

So, I mean there are other therapies…

Thal

Yeah, cause I’m just thinking about the difference between both. Yeah. Um, but I, I do see the benefit of the relational aspect.

Anne Wagner

It’s definitely a different frame in which to conduct the therapy and, um, you know, the individual treatment. Um, for example, Cognitive Processing Therapy, which is going to be the next pilot study that we’re running with MDMA. Um, it is an individually delivered.

Thal

Oh, so you’re going to do that okay.

Anne Wagner

Yeah and the work that’s been done up until now, so, uh, that the MAPS team has been running, has been an individually delivered treatment and it’s with an inner directive supportive psychotherapy for PTSD. So not, uh, specifically one modality, but kind of allowing what comes up. Uh, so partly one of our goals with doing the know the CBCT and now the CPT plus MDMA was to use treatments that have already been tested for treatment for PTSD. And to see when we add MDMA, do you have even broader or stronger effect? Uh, so they’re giving us a different starting point in terms of the evidence in which to see if it’s effective.

Adrian

I wanted to ask if the subjects who were part of that first pilot that you were involved in, were they diagnosed as treatment resistant PTSD? Have they tried other forms of treatment prior to the study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so in this, in the pilot we ran, they didn’t specifically have to be treatment resistant, but they all were. Um, so it was, it just so you know, it people are not necessarily jumping the gun to do this without having tried many different things. So yeah, everyone had had lots of different treatments in the past.

Adrian

I’m so curious. Um, yeah, there’s so many, so many questions. Yeah. I’m thinking a juicy place to dive into is their first experience, you know, if you can share with us perhaps maybe what their experiences were leading up to it and, and the, what the day looked like, when they had it for the first time?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, so folks had some preparation ahead of time, so obviously they’d gone through a consent process. And lots of conversation about what this whole treatment was going to look like. And then they’d had some intensive days or a day and a half, basically of CBCT. So we squished the equivalent of five sessions into a day and a half of CBCT. Um, and so, and some of that day was in the morning of their MDMA session. So they were, uh, mostly quite nervous before their MDMA sessions. Especially a lot of them were either psychedelic or entactogen naive or the experiences they had had where like 20, 30, 40 years ago and you know, university at some point. Um, so never in this context and never with the presumption that they’re going to be talking about trauma. So, uh, yeah, so there was definitely anxiety ahead of time, which we work with and a lot of the partners were quite anxious too, cause you know, they really, okay,

Adrian

They’re coming along for the ride.

Anne Wagner

So yeah. And everyone went through with it and did it. And, uh, so the way the room is designed, when we were doing the sessions, uh, there would be two recliner chairs. And so the couple would sit in those recliner chairs and be able to either have the option of sitting up or lying back, not completely flat, but you know, quite reclined. And then the two therapists would be in the room with them and facing them. And then if people were feeling really activated and they want some support from the therapist, we had like small camper chairs that we would sit beside them on the recliner chairs. So, um, they could have, it’s a little bit space or closeness and, uh, they were close enough to each other that if they reached out, they could touch hands or hold hands or can choose not to if they wanted to as well. And so the way the day was, there really was no structure to the day other than, um, you know, we would encourage them to spend time as we deemed it inside, which means, uh, with headphones on, eyeshades on and just reflecting internally and that experience and other times where they’d be talking with us, talking with their partner in sharing the experiences that were coming up or reflections. Um, so, you know, we’d go through different periods of time inside time outside, and we learned how to better orchestrate interaction between the couple in terms of, you know, at some point someone’s ready to talk and the other one’s deeply in process with something else. So we would, um, we learned how to kind of check in with one or the other, maybe jot down a note and say we’d hold that, that thought for them. And they could go back inside and we’d raise it again when everyone was, you know, out in the room. Yeah. So that’s basically what it looked like.

Thal

What about the role of music.

Anne Wagner

Music plays a very important role and kind of assisting the process. So, you know, allowing for an arc in the experience and having, um, supportive music kind of at the beginning. And then active music as you kind of getting peak effect and then, uh, music that helps with resolution and closer to the end. Um, but you also need to, you know, we had, we were flexible with the music within it. So, um, Annie Mithoefer who is one of the investigators and she’s a great Dj. So she was our DJ for all the sessions, which I’m going to have to learn how to do when I’m running the sessions here and, uh, yeah, so both members of the dyad would have earphones on and we’d also have it playing in the room so everyone could hear the music. And so we had splitters to do that and then at times we turn the music off when they’re talking and yeah.

Thal

I was going to ask like do you turn off when they’re talking?

Anne Wagner

Yeah or turn it down. Just mostly so it’s easier for everyone can hear each other.

Adrian

How many couples were there in total in that study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so it was a small number. So we ran six couples through it and it’s really, originally we were thinking of going up to 10, but, uh, for a number of different reasons, including time and money. And, uh, but also the main reason was because our effects were looking very good. We decided to stop at six. Um, to be able to kind of had enough evidence to show we can do it. It’s feasible, it’s safe, people tolerate it and people improve. And as enough of a signal to say, we need a larger study. So in designing the larger study that would have a control condition.

Adrian

I imagine all the internal experiences vary greatly between participants. But were there any commonalities you guys noticed, um, in, in those, uh, in the six that you, you were sitting with.

Anne Wagner

Uh yes. I mean, one thing that I think was very interesting as someone who does a lot of trauma therapy with folks outside of a MDMA work is just how consistently people would go into their trauma memories and recount the experiences unprompted with MDMA. And so that was fascinating and I’d heard that that had been the case, uh, with the other studies, but that it, like clockwork would happen every time. And um, you know, it was no priming no asking people to go into the memory. We don’t even actually require that at all if people in CBCT to actively go over the memory. But it happened for everyone.

Thal

It’s like they went through the files of…yeah, amazing.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. That analogy is used a lot actually like putting files in a row and you know, I had that experience myself of like checking in. It’s like checking all the files and then other people with PTSD when they’re going through this you know, checking through the files, the memories. And so then the role of the therapist, um, is really the major role is pre and post the experience. Like during the experience of course you’re holding the space for the, for the clients, but it’s, it’s, it seems like from what you’re saying that it’s like, um, self guided in a way. Yeah. The MDMA session itself, we’re definitely there to hold space and to help when people are stuck. And so I think that piece is also very important. Um, and you know, sometimes when we think about like being non directive, in fact there’s moments where we’re actively working with folks in session to help the experience or if people are feeling particularly stuck in a thought or a memory we’re there to help them work through that and you know, gently, you know, be socratically questioning, you’re asking different things or exploring. But the massive chunk of that work is before and after.

Adrian

So what happened after the first session? What’s the next stage in the protocol of the study?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so they’d gone through equivalent to five sessions of CBCT before and then they had the MDMA session and then the next morning we would talk about experience, integrate it a bit and set them up with out-of-session work for the following week. And then they would do the equivalent of four sessions of CBCT. In this case we did it over video, um, simply pragmatically, cause we’d all didn’t live in the same place. And then they came back together about three weeks later, I had another day where they did two sessions of CBCT and then they had a second MDMA session. Integrated that and then finished out the protocol, which was four more sessions of CBCT. So they received MDMA twice this whole thing. Yeah. It took about two months to get through everything.

Adrian

What were the results? Sort of dying to hear the summary of the findings.

Anne Wagner

So they are not published yet, but I can let you know. So we actually published a case study last week. Um, so that has the first results are out in the world.

Adrian

Congrats.

Anne Wagner

Thank you. Very exciting. It’s in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, so that’s good. Um, so yeah, overall the results were very strong. We had really good results for PTSD, both from the report of the person with PTSD, so their self report as well as the clinician rated report. And so that’s an independent rater. So not the people who treat them, it’s from someone who doesn’t know where they are in treatment and whatnot. And they also, we saw significant improvements in relationship satisfaction as well. And that was really interesting because not all the couples were distressed coming in. And I think that’s important because a lot of the time, you know, we think about actually how PTSD lives in relationships. People have to make sense of it and therefore, oftentimes they accommodate the other person as we all do in our lives. We accommodate the people we love. So it’s, you know, you’re trying to make it okay and especially when something’s not okay in a system, it creates a very difficult system. But that works for some people. And so that can be a challenge sometimes when things change, the system disrupts because everything’s been, you know, trying to hold tight to keep it together. So the fact that we saw improvement for folks who even already we’re starting okay. Which meant there might’ve been some accommodation was really interesting. Yeah. So more to come.

Thal

So it’s not really couples therapy, it’s, it was, it’s conjoined therapy, but um, that the, you know, the couple’s therapy is like that bonus part that came.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean the way we structure it, I mean it really, it is a couples therapy. Yeah. It could be any version of couple that you think of. Um, but the idea is the relationship is actually the client in CBCT. So it’s not the person with PTSD, it’s not the partner. It’s the couple or the relationship. And having that be the focus is really useful. So that one person doesn’t feel like the other person is their other therapist or that they’re responsible for the person, they’re doing it together.

Adrian

Are you, are you able to share any of the self reports by the subjects, um, things that they shared with you, whether it’s during the study or afterwards that you might want to share with listeners?

Anne Wagner

Sure. So, um, I mean, people spontaneously had really incredible, you know, things that they wanted to say or share. And, um, I’m, you know, feeling like they’d gotten their lives back or that they felt renewed hope for the future. And, um, you know, in the session itself, you know, I had people say that, you know, this is really, it felt like they had gotten their marriage back or that they now have a sense of feeling connected. Um, I got an email a few months ago, which marked like a year since one of the couples had started the study and it was just a reach out of gratitude and thanks. And reporting that they felt like they had a completely different life and they were very grateful and that they just thought it was all really cool. So that was a really neat thing to receive.

Thal

It’s amazing. How rigorous was it for you like to go through the daily experience of going through the study and, yeah.

Anne Wagner

Yeah. It’s a labor of love doing the clinical trial, that’s for sure.

Thal

I can imagine.

Anne Wagner

It’s, you really have to want to do it. And, uh, I remember, you know, Candice once told me, this is not for the faint of heart. I’m like, no, it was very, very true. It’s a lot of details and a lot of planning. Um, it a ton of work for a little bit of data, but it’s in my mind, so worth it. And you know, the days when you sit in the sessions with folks, um, and you see them change right there in front of you and you were like, wow, this idea we had, I think it’s working like this. That’s unreal. Um, that feels, that feels pretty cool. And, uh, so yeah, it’s, it’s, I found working on this particular study to be incredibly inspiring and so that certainly helps drive all the rest of the work and is now shaped what I’m doing going forward,

Adrian

If I remember correctly, most of the subjects, if not all, had improvements in their symptoms of PTSD. How, how did they do afterwards? Post study? What was the timeframe for the follow up and checking in on them?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, so the vast majority, well, I mean, there’s only six couples. The majority, not everyone, uh, a resolution their PTSD, but most did and those gains were maintained through six month follow-up. So that’s the, the most, the furthest data we have. Yeah.

Adrian

That’s really cool. Yeah. I mean, one of the things that we often hear a lot in psychedelic research and, and, and, um, just discourses the integration after these experiences. Can you share any wisdom that you might have gained from this study about how to better integrate or, or to tie back to their daily lives?

Anne Wagner

For sure. I think a big piece is that integration isn’t just like your next session with your therapist. Integration happens over time as you begin to put the lessons you’ve learned into action and it might shape your approach to something or how you feel in general. Or you might have an echo of it, you know, a year later and go like, oh, yeah, so it’s, it’s being open to that being the case, I think is the key thing with integration as you go forward. And we certainly saw that, you know, in some cases we saw people continue to make gains over the six months afterwards. And that for us was really interesting because that means that they’re still learning and growing. And that is ideal because you’re basically setting people up for a new baseline, a new place to start from. And that happens often when people find success with treatment without MDMA. Um, but it was particularly highlighted for me when the use of a psychedelic or entactogen.

Thal

I’m thinking about a psychotherapist listening to this wondering when will legalization happened. When can I start training?

Anne Wagner

It’s a good question. Um, so what is looking like right now? So all of the movement to have MDMA legalize as a treatment for PTSD? It’s, it started in the US because that’s where all of the studies have happened so far. It’s looking, we’re hopeful that it will be within the next few years that it will be legal. Because right now there’s a phase three study, which is a drug development study happening in multiple different sites across North America, uh, sponsored by MAPS. And they at that point they will, after phase three, it’s possible that MDMA will get the indication to be a treatment for PTSD. So that’s the doorway to it being legal. Um, and so the hope is we would quickly follow suit in Canada using the evidence for the US. So, I mean my fingers are crossed that it’s going to be within the next few years. Um, there is also in the states there’s something called Expanded Access where when things are demonstrating strong effect and people are at risk for death, that you can potentially be using um, a medication that’s still being investigated for specific cases to be used. So, uh, the training that’s happening right now for folks to become MDMA assisted psychotherapist is for this idea of Expanded Access or those of us who are studying it you doing through the research. Um, so that, I mean, could be as soon as later this year we’re expanded access could be available in some places, uh, in Canada. We’ve different regulations around that. So it may not be as straight forward, um, but potentially could still be a possibility. And then of course, I mean the psilocybin work is another area where, um, you know, we’re seeing fast movement in terms of potentially there being indications for treatment-resistant depression and other things. So that might be another area where we might be seeing the potential legal use of psychedelics and treatment.

Adrian

Yeah. I know everyone’s got their fingers crossed, right? It’s like, it’s, you know, it seems like this is the opportunity but also not to mess it up. And so it definitely, you know, important that this time around this renaissance that’s happening is to do it properly so that it is sustained.

Anne Wagner

Exactly. It’s extremely important that we don’t squander this opportunity over here. Uh, this, there has been so much work that has gone to this place and so many have been paving the way for this to be the case. And, um, I’m very conscious of just how measured we need to be and just how careful and thoughtful around all of this use.

Adrian

Can you talk about the other studies so that with the CPT plus MDMA that is.. Is it currently underway?

Anne Wagner

It’s in development right now. So I’m just finishing the protocol for it. Uh, so our hope is that we’ll be recruiting in the fall for that study, but that’s pending a bunch of different approvals that need to go through. Um, so that study design is very similar to the couple’s study. Um, it’s going to be, but it’s an individual treatment and using CPT. So cognitive processing therapy, which is one of the most widely used and most widely researched and has some of the strongest evidence for the treatment of PTSD. And it’s usually 12 sessions. And so right now we’re just, you know, we’re finding exactly where we’re going to place the two MDMA sessions within the protocol. Um, but it will likely have a similar structure in terms of having a masked dosing of treatment before the first time. Do you may session spread out over three weeks, second MDMA and then finish it out. And this time, not over video cause we’ll do it here in person.

Adrian

How is, um, how’s the recruitment for that? So how do people, uh, if they’re interested in joining the study or being a participant, how does that happen? How does that work?

Anne Wagner

So right now we’re not, we don’t have open recruitment since the study isn’t approved yet. Um, but if people are interested in it, uh, if it will be for PTSD. So it is specifically for PTSD and people don’t have to already have a diagnosis of PTSD because it will end up, you know, they will have to go through assessment through the study. Um, but they can always contact us at Remedy and, we have a contact us button on our homepage and can be added to a list to learn more. And so that would, uh, it doesn’t guarantee anything, but it just would allow folks to get updates as to, for example, when the study is starting to recruit or updates along the way as we get going.

Thal

Awesome. So maybe, um, then talk to us about Remedy?

Anne Wagner

Sure. Okay. So Remedy, um, it’s where we’re sitting right now. So Remedy is a center for mental health, innovation in Toronto. And, uh, the idea behind remedy was to have a home where research and practice really live together. And the idea that we want to be continually open to growth and exploration as clinicians, as researchers, as people who are working in mental health. And that includes our own growth as well as the growth of the field. Um, so the idea here at Remedy is everyone who’s involved as invested in the idea of innovating mental health. And that can be in a whole host of different ways. So, uh, for example, one of the ways we do that is going to be through MDMA research here. Uh, but also we have folks who are innovating how we manage a practice, how, um, you know, we run trauma-informed Yoga, how we do care for folks that’s integrating different types of treatments together. We have all kinds of different things. Someone is going to be writing, you know, pop psychology book based on evidence. So it’s innovating how we think about an access, mental health and, and thinking about it in a broader way so that we don’t feel stuck or stymied in how we do that. So we offer a clinical services, but also we do research here and we collaborate with different likeminded group to create a community who are all with the same vision.

Adrian

I imagine it’s part of the vision, um, to consider post legalization and what that might look like. Can you share a little bit about your vision for once it’s legal, what the clinic might look like and how it’s offered to the public?

Anne Wagner

Yeah, absolutely. So my vision for that will be, we’ll have basically two tracks. We’ll have our research stream, which will be running and testing interventions, uh, which you know, is where my love is there and that I’m also a clinician and I want to be able to offer this in terms of people being able to come in and receive MDMA psychotherapy for PTSD in the practice here. So it will be either people can participate through research or through being able to come in. And you know, have that treatment. So, uh, yeah, we’ll be set up here to be able to offer that given that war already going to be set up to run the research. And so we’ll be ready and opening our doors to that the minute it’s legal. So yeah, we’ve got a team here who, uh, actually I just took a team down to Asheville, North Carolina for the most recent MDMA therapist training and so we’ve got a team who are raring to go.

Thal

That’s awesome.

Adrian

I’m just imagining if, if you had infinite funding and resources from a, from a research side, what would excite you as far as future research studies that you might want to explore and go into?

Anne Wagner

I’ve already designed my next big one. So it would be a randomized controlled trial for the couples study. So it would be, um, CBCT plus MDMA in one condition and then with a placebo control and the other maybe a crossover design at the end. So, but that would be the, we really need to test it out with more people and more diverse sample. I think that was a massive thing is, you know, in the pilot study it was heterosexual Caucasian folks in that sample. And that is not representative of …

Adrian

The globe.

Anne Wagner

The globe. We are here in Toronto. And um, you know, I think particularly, I’ve done a lot of community work in queer communities here and I think, you know, expanding especially what that looks like in terms of our, you know, constellations of folks participating in the treatment and as well as the therapists that they, we have, uh, we’re really excited about what that’s gonna look like. And when we test it on a bigger scale, like what’s it gonna look like for everybody.

Thal

Yeah. It’s going to look very different. Hopefully it’s going to be legal very soon. It’s going to look different when it’s, you know, out there and different people are accessing it.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Thal

Can’t wait. Yeah.

Adrian

Yeah. We’re super stoked for your work. I mean, you’re right in the trenches, so it’s, it’s a real honour actually. Yeah. To be, to be in your space and to get a glimpse of the journey so far.

Anne Wagner

Aww thank you.

Thal

Any more questions? Feel pretty good there. Yeah. Is there anything that you’d like to add, something that you have not been able to share in other lectures or other interviews?

Anne Wagner

Um, that’s a great question. I think, you know, it’s a really exciting time for this work. Um, I think it’s the, the possibilities for growth and exploration are also huge when it comes to psychedelics and entactogens and I don’t want to lose sight of that. And I think oftentimes when we are focusing so much on the clinical work and the clinical indications, that sometimes feels like maybe gets pushed to the side when, you know, there’s so many cultures around the world who’ve used psychedelics as forms of ritual, as forms of growth and learning and healing that, um, you know, this is not new. This is not new at all. I want to honor that.

Thal

In fact it’s ancient.

Anne Wagner

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. Just so happens that we’re conceptualizing, it’s used right now with how we understand this particular version of how we present …

Thal

And in our modern context, which is fine.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I think I want to make sure we know that, that this, you know, while it feels “cutting edge” it is completely ancient. And this, we’re not, uh, coming up with new ideas particularly, but, uh, but really honored also to bring it forward into the here and now. So there’s that piece. Um, yeah, I think that’s a biggie. That’s on my mind.

Thal

Yes. And, uh, hopefully that will, you know, um, rev revolutionize mental health, which is, you know, the thing, you know, coming up now.

Anne Wagner

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And I think we have so much possibility there. You know, I do think we’re at a time where folks are far more reflective about their own internal world and the possibilities for that and that this might be one tool to really assist in that.

Adrian

I guess just one final thing to a, I’m reminded of, um, the way Michael Pollan shared just the excitement beyond the pathological use or, you know, addressing pathological, um, experiences and just for the betterment of, well-people, I think it was the way that he was putting it and I think yeah, starting to redefine mental healthy on sort of the, the sort of, the highly stigmatized, um, cultural perspectives that we have.

Anne Wagner

For sure. Yeah. I have hope that one day we’ll be able to offer, um, you know, MDMA assisted psychotherapy for couples, right? Just not because there’s PTSD, but because you know, people want to explore and grow together and understand the relationships and their dynamics or for individuals and you know, still thoughtfully and with precaution and all the good context of set and setting and a good container. But the idea that that would be a tool would be lovely.

Adrian

Thank you so much for your time today.

Anne Wagner

Thanks so much.

Thal

Thank you.

#14: Spiritual Inclusion with El-Farouk Khaki

The concept of spiritual inclusion becomes an important lifeboat for minority individuals who struggle to reconcile their expressions of identity be it sexuality or gender with their religious beliefs. Not everyone wants to throw the baby with the bath water.  Today’s guest self-identifies as a spiritual activist and places spiritual inclusion at the forefront of his cause. 

On this episode, we are joined by El-Farouk Khaki, a refugee and immigration lawyer, public speaker and human rights activist. We explore the toxicity of dogma and how religion can be used as a form of spiritual violence. El-Farouk shares with us his vision for a more inclusive and tolerant Islam. In 1991, El-Farouk founded Salaam: Queer Muslim Community and in 2009, he co-founded the El-Tawhid Juma Circle, Toronto Unity Mosque. El-Farouk speaks publicly on issues including Islam, LGBTIQ and human rights, refugees, race, politics and HIV. He has served in diverse capacities in groups and boards including Africans in Partnership against AIDS, The 519, & the Canadian Ethnocultural Council. He has received numerous awards for his work in spiritual activism and social justice. He is currently working on his first book exploring issues of sexuality, social justice and spirituality.

Highlights:

  • Spiritual Abuse and Violence
  • The Need for more Inclusion and Tolerance in Contemporary Islam
  • Sufi Practices

Resources:

Listen:

An Original Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:                 

El Farouk, welcome to the show!

El Farouk:         

Thank you. Nice to be here.

Adrian:             

Actually, I wanted to ask you right off the bat is the meaning of your name and how to properly pronounce your name?

El Farouk:         

I pronounce, my name as El Farouk, but I think it’s proper pronunciation would be more like El Farook, and it comes from the Arabic word ‘furqan’ for criterion. El Farouk is the one who can tell right from wrong.

Adrian:             

It sounds like an appropriate name.

El Farouk:        

It is sometimes burdensome.

Thal:                 

Yeah, I hear you there when the name is like, you know, there is a lot of expectations.

El Farouk:         

Absolutely. It has forced me to always measure my actions or my omissions with this premise that I have this capacity or this ability to distinguish what I’m doing and whether it’s correct or incorrect or appropriate or inappropriate.

Thal:                 

We’d like to start maybe with your early experiences with spirituality and religion, maybe spiritual orientation and childhood, if any. Sort of…how did you end up doing what you’re doing?

El Farouk:         

My family is Muslim and Islam has always been a very important part of our identity as a marker and also as a practice. My family is of Indian origin, but we are from East Africa, so we are … and my family’s historical roots are as a small Shiite community. So we are a minority within a minority, within a minority. So I grew up, I was born and spent the first seven, eight years of my life in east Africa, which is predominantly black. The majority of the black folk were Muslim, are Sunni. So we’re at diasporic, immigrant origin and Brown, Muslim, but not even majority – a Shia minority, Shia community. Maybe at that time I didn’t quite didn’t understand that, but I think over the years we left when I was about eight years old and lived in England, and then moved to Canada and to Vancouver specifically.

 I grew up basically with very limited sort of Muslims around me. You know, if we would go to our places of worship there were Muslims there, but most of them kind of looked like me. My day to day life was really not connected to those people. I grew up with people of all skin colors, all racial backgrounds, and all religious backgrounds. When we first landed in Canada, we were in Toronto for 10 days, and the first religious celebration was at a syngogue. That’s the kind of background that I came from and my family was very open and inclusive when it came to diversity in terms of race and religion. One thing that was always present was this notion of a spirituality.

 That religion wasn’t just about ritual, but it was about spirituality, which I understand as connection and connectivity and often spirituality is understood as a connection between an individual and the divine or to a higher power. I think that for me, part of my evolution has been this notion of spirituality that actually connects you to other human beings and to the rest of creation. The tradition that I grew up in didn’t necessarily embrace that or integrate that. That has also been a fed by my politics, my anti-oppression work, as an activist, as a lawyer who represents refugees, people fleeing persecution. Most of the folks I represent are either queer folk or women fleeing some kind of gender or domestic violence kind of a situation. My notion of spirituality started to evolve that it needed to address all of these injustices. It wasn’t just simply enough just to feel connected to some higher or some divine power, but it had to be transformative. It had to be transformative for me, but it also, someone had to transform my relationship to the world around me. I often call myself the accidental activist because I didn’t often find spaces that I found wholesome like that embraced the fullness of who I was. I would walk into, I would be an activist circles, but they didn’t have the spirituality or you know, you’d walk into political circles and you know they talk the talk but they didn’t really understand intersectionality and so on and so forth. A lot of times, I was in these spaces and going, but there’s more, there’s more, there’s more. And so in 1991, I started Salaam here in Toronto.

Toronto was the first time that I met other Muslims or other people who were Muslim identified and who are also queer and or involved in anti-oppression, social justice and human rights work. Salaam was my attempt to create a social support network for lesbian and gay Muslims because this was back in the nineties and you didn’t really talk about the bi- or the trans- stuff back then. At that time I wasn’t even ready to deal with the theology. I didn’t feel that I had the, the material, the capacity to deal with that. That has been part of my own sort of growth and my journey. I have even come to this conclusion that a lot of our social justice movements and our political movements are unsuccessful because they don’t actually embrace our spirituality and the notion of our own transformation as we are working to transform the world around us.

If you’re starting out as a hollow vessel, how can you fill anything else and so this, entrenched me even further into seeking a spiritual connection that embraced all of these sort of different elements of myself, which includes, you know, being a social activist and a human rights advocate.

Adrian:             

Yeah. Beautiful connection to, we did an episode with Andrew Harvey recently and he coined the term, I believe, sacred activism. And so looking at activism that’s not divorced from a spiritual connection, you know, sort of fueled by spiritual practice in something that is acknowledging the mystery that is also underneath all the great work that’s coming out of the activism but not forgetting that there is that connection that you’re pointing towards. How did the first few years go for you when Salaam was created, I’m really curious, the early challenges, what were some of the big obstacles when you had the idea to actually opening the doors?

El Farouk:         

The challenges were multilayered. Technology was a challenge, right? This was back in the early nineties. Not everybody, there was no cell phones and you know, people had these little answering machines at home that you had to press and play and you couldn’t retrieve them from somewhere else and so on. At one point we had a contact list of about 60 to 80 people and you had to phone each one of them in order to tell them about some activity or some event that you were hosting. There were people with varying degrees of outness and different living situations, you would have a note attached to the phone number as to what you could say and who you could say it to, and you know, you couldn’t leave on the message and so on and so forth.

That was a technological and an outreach. First of all, how do you let people know. What media do you actually use in order to get the word out? How do you keep in contact and how do you inform people, especially people who are sort of scattered and at various sort of different levels of autonomy. People living at home, people not out and all of that sort of stuff. Those were some of the challenges. I think one of the ongoing challenges is the toxicity of institutionalized religion. A lot of people have given up on their spirituality because religion has been such a toxic influence in their life. For me, that never works, I’ve never been able to do that.

 Never wanted to do that and always believed that I didn’t need to do that. Sometimes when you’re organizing these kinds of spaces and you’re reaching out to people and people don’t actually want to know about the space or don’t actually want to even walk into the space because they’ve got so many barriers to it. I think that ends up creating a lot of disconnect like a spiritual schizophrenia, if you will. I think that a lot of our issues that we face are that people have disconnected not just from religion but also from spirituality because often spirituality is vested in a religious tradition or in a religious path. When that spirituality has been stripped away, all your left with is religious toxicity. So even convincing people that this might be a safe space or a healing space for them to try to connect their histories and their stories and that they don’t have to make a choice. It continues to be a challenge even, even now.

Thal:                

 How do you reconcile that … because people who find themselves identifying in sort of alternative identities find themselves either having, especially those who are brought up in the institutional patriarchal and monotheistic traditions find themselves either having to throw the baby with the bath water or become paralyzed in dogma. How, how can they reconcile?

El Farouk:         

Oh dear, that’s a heavy question. I think that’s a journey that everybody has to take. I think that in some traditions there has been some opening up. We see that happening in, and I don’t think it’s just a problem with monotheism because you see it in non-monotheistic traditions as well. Whether you look at Buddhism and Hinduism, they’re also often plagued by dogma and by misogyny. I was in Bali and every Hindu temple had huge signs that prohibited people who menstruated from entering.

You know and I was shocked because despite all of the, the menstro-phobia in Islam or in Muslim communities, I’ve never seen a sign like that on any mosque. Yet, here are these Hindu temples, and we have this notion that Hinduism is so inclusive and so embracing with female gods and so on and so forth that you wouldn’t encounter this and yet, lo and behold, here it is. I think that everybody has to go through that journey. Certainly, like if you look in the West, the geopolitical north or however you wanna define it, certainly some Christian traditions have been grappling with some of the issues around gender and sexual diversity for some time. there are both internal and external influences and pressures in Islam today that tell us that Islam is a monolith. Even the people who have been oppressed by this notion still cling to this notion that there is only a singular ahistorical Islam.

 Which is actually counter-intuitive even to the whole message of the Quran and even to the symbolism in the Quran, right? I mean Allah in the Quran is constantly telling us to look at nature and to the passage of time and to the cycles of nature and the moon and so on and so forth, which integrates change and growth and development as being integral to the religious experience. Yet the religion itself, supposedly we are now being told is unchanging and unresponsive. It doesn’t respond at all. We are supposed to conform to this. Yet who defines what this is? It is certainly not us who defines it.

Adrian:             

I remember you bringing up the term spiritual abuse, spiritual violence. I think it was in a Ted talk you did. Could you elaborate what you mean by that? I love the wording because it seems so appropriate.

El Farouk:         

I heard the expression spiritual activism a few years ago from a friend of mine, a gay man from Jamaica who described him as being a spiritual activist. I went “bing” you know, and ended up talking to him about it and sort of started to sort of identify with that term myself. The notion of spiritual violence for me is how religion or spirituality is actually used as a weapon against certain kinds of people. For those of us who may not conform because of our views around gender or because of our sexual orientation or our gender identities or expression or just our politics.

Right and how religion under the guise of spirituality…and I think, you know, contemporary Islam is kind of really devoid of spirituality. It’s been reduced to a set of do’s and don’ts. And if you do this, then you’re Muslim enough. And if you don’t do this, then you’re not Muslim enough. And that’s violence, right? Because who is determining this…this who is judging this? In the Sufi path and in Islamic tradition we have the 99 most beautiful names of God. God is the judge, not you, not me, not somebody else. There’s a whole body of tradition and literature that dates back to the Prophet that talks even about diversity of opinion and practice even at the time of the Prophet. All of these narratives are, you know, unpopular to the contemporary discourse and so they’re pushed aside, they’re not discussed and they’re marginalized, because they’re just not convenient. The whole idea of spiritual abuse is how religion is used to bludgeon us rather than to liberate our hearts.

Thal:                 

There are so many layers to this. I’m thinking also about the psychological layer. For people to be so complacent and to just download and accept and not question is one layer. Then there is the just the black and white way of thinking. It seems like if there is no spirituality, then people have no sort of direction of growth. There is no spiritual growth, then there is no psychological growth, and so then there’s no emotional growth. I really don’t know where I’m going with this but…it’s it’s paralyzing.

El Farouk:         

There’s a whole notion of being unworthy. I was recently talking to a friend of mine who comes from a South Asian Muslim background and I said, do you celebrate Eid? She said to me I don’t practice and so I don’t think I deserve to celebrate Eid. So I said to celebrate Christmas? What makes you worthy to celebrate that? Right. It’s really so interesting how people compartmentalize, you know, and so she can’t celebrate Eid because she doesn’t fast, but she’s got a Christmas tree and you know,

Thal:                 

Maybe also the notion of the Divine as, you know, someone up there that’s going to zap you. Yeah. You’re not worthy of connecting to that God is also problematic and psychological and spiritual abuse too.

El Farouk:         

Now we get into language around decolonizing and decolonizing our faith tradition because the notion of God anthropomorphized into a male human form is not something that’s actually intrinsic to Islam, right? Even the word Allah has no gender, even though Arabic is such a gendered language. The word itself has no gender. It’s an irregular word formation. The notion of God as male is not something that comes intrinsically from Islamic theology, right? Maybe it’s part of our colonial legacy. Even the way we understand certain words like the word Taqwa, which in the early translation, English translations of the Quran, which all happened during the colonial period. 

Taqwa is translated as God fearing as opposed to God awareness or God consciousness. Right? Yet this notion of fearing God, which may or may not have come from a Christian European sort of paradigm is now so much embraced by people within the Islamic tradition, and I don’t think it’s actually intrinsic to our tradition, but it’s just adopted, embraced, and unquestioned.

Thal:                 

It’s like a tool that’s used for self abuse almost. Speaking of the divine name and gender wasn’t it Ibn Arabi, one of the early Sufi that referred to Allah as ‘hiya’ and you can him “howa”…you can call her or him.

El Farouk:         

He did and within variety of different Muslim traditions over the years, particularly within spiritual explorations the feminine quote unquote aspects of the divine, have often been embraced or talked about and theorized over and so on. Even with the 99 names, the Tao of Islam, is an interesting book. I found it very, very heavy reading. It embraces and explores the notion that the 99 names, and this is an old historical tradition within Islamic history that the 99 names are the names of beauty and the names of majesty and the names of beauty have what we would traditionally describe as more feminine qualities and the names of majesty as more traditionally masculine qualities. We’re projecting our own binary limitations but what it does is open up is this notion that God is not male, and that God has no gender.

That’s at the unity mosque, we’ve made an explicit choice in our English material to refer to God in a diversity of genders. In our format we tend to prefer feminine pronouns for the Divine simply because any pronoun you use is going to be inaccurate and insufficient. Everyone’s insufficient and inadequate in one side, Islam is very big on the ‘mizaan’ and on the balance. We’re just trying to balance it out by using another pronoun, which is equally inadequate.

Thal:                 

Right. I feel that this concept can serve well in the mainstream circles. I think if people open up and embrace these different…uhmm…it’s not even different. It is intrinsic to Islam. Lots of forgiveness will happen.

El Farouk:         

Absolutely, I think that what we have been experiencing is a growing intolerance of diversity within the Islamic tradition. I don’t want to have this sort of rosy image that our precolonial or pre-European colonial because we also have an Arab-colonial history as well, right…that it was all perfect and so on. We can see today, historically, that even today there are all these different traditions, but the dominant face of Islam is one of monolith and patriarchy. I use the examples of the Bamiyan Buddhas in Afghanistan that they survived a thousand years plus of Islam, but they didn’t survive 15 years of the Taliban.

Thal:                 

It is the toxicity of dogma.

El Farouk:         

It’s toxicity of dogma. It’s the same thing with the Sphinx and the pyramids. You know, these are, these are pre-Islamic monuments. These are iconography. There was no intention or desire to destroy any of these. When the Muslims went into India, they didn’t destroy Hindu temples. They didn’t prevent people from practicing their traditions. Yet, the intolerance that we find today for diversity and I actually think that if anything, historically, in the Muslim tradition, Muslims had been more intolerant of non-conformist Muslims and non-Muslims. Even within the Islamic tradition, there has been a notion of embracing diversity. I think that’s being eroded and I think that has been willfully eroded by political forces.

Adrian:             

I think I mean as a non-theist, like not really identifying with any particular religion. I see this pattern show up in places like science, like scientism, right? Where there are certain beliefs and ideologies that are becoming dogmatic and people are using that as a form of control to say, this is the authority who says this is the correct thing to believe in science and this is incorrect or, and so it seems like it’s the church of certainty that people are ascribing to in this modern world.

El Farouk:         

This happens politically too, right? I worked in political staff at Queen’s Park and I’m like, wow, this is their religion and it’s very dogmatic, you know, it can also change very quickly if it’s politically expedient for it to change.

Adrian:             

I think you’re absolutely right when you say it’s the tolerance for diversity, but it seems also for the mystery, for not knowing, to admit the uncertainty that, hey, we might actually not really know what the answer is and to sit in that space and have a capacity for that.

El Farouk:         

Sit with the unknown…but that’s also what drives us, right, is our intellectual and spiritual journeys are driven by wanting to know the unknown. What did somebody say to me, I read somewhere the other day and I thought it was magic is something that science hasn’t found an explanation for yet. I’m a believer of magic and I do.

Thal:                 

That what was very interesting too…when you had mentioned about activism as well, because there’s also dogma within the activist communities and it is almost interesting to see that because activism, I feel, at its heart is sacred work. If you’re asking for justice and pointing at the wrongs that are happening in the world, how can you not work on your inner-self?

El Farouk:         

Well, I think we get swept up with anger. Was it last summer or the summer before, one of the women who was part of the Unity mosque here asked me to speak at a rally and it was like, you know, an anti-racism rally and stuff. I agreed to do that and I went there and I listened to some of the speakers before me and they were all so angry, you know, we’ve got to crush this and we’ve got a crush that with him to stop this and we’re going to stop that, and I just couldn’t do it, you know? I spoke about transforming and building a better future so that all of our kids could live together and have a world to live in and live in harmony with not only each other, but with creation around them and that was the world that we had to create it as activist. I’m not sure how the message went over in a room full of anger, a space full of anger.

Thal:                 

I mean, I can ask you that question. How are you not angry with all those intersections, El Farouk?

El Farouk:         

I do get angry. I do get angry but at the end of the day, my anger is not going to change anything. If you’re empty on the inside or you’re filled with anger on the inside, how do you change something on the outside and what do you change it with? And where do you fill that space with? Right? At the end of the day, the work has to start with yourself. I often speak, the anger is righteous. We have every right to be angry. Now what do we do with it? Right? Where do we go from here? How does that work? And if you’re just stuck in the anger, there’s no movement. There is no transformation. You just replace one structure or one leader or one ruler with another, and then you just keep replicating that same, that same paradigm. 

We’ve seen this in revolution after revolution. We were talking about the Arab spring before we started our formal conversation today and we all had such great hopes. I was talking to some clients of mine who are from Iran and I said to them, you don’t know in Iran before the revolution and the revolution was something that was filled with hope and it brought a million people into the streets of Tehran from a variety of religious and political traditions. It was filled hope, but it got lost and it got lost in religion that became toxic. It didn’t embrace the human condition and it became stripped of spirituality in its need to have political and social control.

Thal:                 

Absolutely.

Adrian:            

I want to ask you, what fuels your work in terms of practices. What sort of daily or regular practices that seemed to really help keep you going? I imagine you’re met with all sorts of resistance and challenges and you need something to keep that energy going.

El Farouk:         

Yeah. I have Zikr playing constantly. I have sacred music playing constantly. Mostly Sufi music and native music that seems to calm my soul. I need to hug more trees.

Thal:                

I recommend that.

El Farouk:         

It’s a little bit difficult when it’s minus 30 outside. I’m a West Coast Kid, right? So that’s what I aspire to. We just came back from Costa Rica and I’m like, I just want to be here, you know. Be at the beach and walk through the forest and look at the birds and the butterflies. That’s not always possible. It is my connection to the sacred and it’s the music and the chanting that really hold myspace for me. Hmm.

Adrian:             

I know you regularly attend Dargah with Hoiking doing some of the Sufi practices. I’ve never actually gone to one. I’m actually curious to hear what’s involved in those meetings and gatherings. And I’m quite interested in the practices themselves.

El Farouk:         

Well, when we were talking earlier, you talked about breath, right? You actually need to be at a Sufi Dargah because breath is so important and all life starts with breath, right? The Koran says that all life starts with water, but creation starts with God’s breath being blown into us. I really like the Dargah space because I end up, like with the unity mosque and other spaces, I often end up being sort of a central to that space. What I like about the Dargah is I can just be a student in that space. Was that your question?

Adrian:            

I was curious to hear you describe what it’s like to attend one for listeners that have not had experience either.

El Farouk:         

The Dargah is basically the school of our teacher. In some Sufi traditions, the teachers is called a Sheikh. In the Rifai tradition, we call our teacher Baba, which means father, and we begin by sitting in a circle and he delivers his sohbet, which is a lesson or a teaching. He always tells us that this is the most important part of the evening because it’s basically where we are toned and brought into common space right through his teaching. Our Baba is fairly informal. Other communities are more formal or more vested in cultural or a ritual and so on and so forth. He’s quite open to people asking questions and we laugh and we, you know, engage in conversation, but he’s the teacher. We are in class and that lasts for about two hours. Then depending on the time of the year it is, we will then say our communal prayer, our ritual prayer, Muslim ritual, prayer and after that we begin Zikr.

Zikr comes from an Arabic word that means remembrance. Allah in the Koran says prayer is good, but remembrance is even better. A dervish is called upon to remember God at all times in all things. To see God manifest in all things all around us. And so the Zikr is the chanting of the Divine names. We chat La Ilaha Illallah, which means there is no god but God and I think essential to that is the understanding that small god is not just an idol or an icon, but the idle and the icons that we hold in our heart.

So whether it’s our money or it’s a person or it’s our job, our art or whatever it is, those are the idols or the icons that we hold in our heart. We have to break those idols and those icons because there is only One reality and that we’re all joined in that reality. That’s the foundational remembrance. There are other remembrances so we chant Allah as the name of God and Hu which Arabic means He, but it is the remembrance of the breath. The sacred name of the Divine that we remember each time we breathe. It’s orchestrated as part of the practice so that it is done in community and ritualized and then we do that for about 90 minutes and then we eat because by then you worked up an appetite. That’s part of my therapy, right? So I find the Unity mosque to be very therapeutic, but because of my position and location within it, it’s a different space for me. Then when I come intothe Dargah where I’m a student and I can just actually sit and just be present without having to be active, you know.

Adrian:             

Does everybody do the whirling or is it just the dervishes that are performing?

El Farouk:         

The whirling is a ritual that’s present in some Sufi traditions and not present in others. Our teacher, our Baba is part of a sacred lineage from two different Sufi traditions, the Rifai and the Jerrahi. The whirling is a ritual, a historical ritual component of the Jerrahi lineage. We used to have whirling, but not very often. So our Baba’s son and his wife, they both whirl, but we didn’t have it very often because we didn’t have a lot of people within our community who were, who knew how to whirl and that’s changing because now there’s more and more people. We get people who go for classes, and they are offered every Saturday before the Dargah. We’re starting to see it happen more within our Zikr ceremonies.

Adrian:             

I’m so curious because to me it seems like the movement practice is like sort of the yoga in other practices where the body and the mind actually there’s a component.

El Farouk:         

So Muslim ritual prayer is yogic, but we don’t recognize it as such. I’ve had friends who practice yoga who’ve come into Muslim space and joined us in prayer and said, this is very familiar. This is not foreign, this is, but Muslims don’t conceptualize our ritualized prayer as being a yogic practice. I think that’s our loss. The practice of the Zikr depending on which community can also have movement and that is combining the body, the spirit, and the mind in movement. The whirling for me is very interesting. Thal you and I were talking about Umrah and Mecca, and when we went in 2011 and we were staying at the hotel and we were overlooking the Haram Sherrif, the mosque in Mecca. There was never a moment in the day when there were people who were not doing their Tawaf. They’re circumambulation of the Kaaba. I remember thinking and because people are wearing a lot of the men are wearing white and some of the women are wearing black and then other colors.

I am a sci-fi fan. I looked at this and it was like Oh My God this is like looking at the Milky Way. It’s like looking at a galaxy that’s constantly whirling, right? It’s whirling around the central point…this black box that’s in the middle. It could be a black hole in the middle of the universe or the middle of the galaxy, and it’s all whirling around that. The Dervishes when they’re whirling, they are whirling around their heart as the center point, because the heart is where God sits. Right? So all of these movements, whether it’s the dervish that’s whirling or the pilgrims that are going around the Kaaba or the earth going around the sun or the galaxy spinning, we’re all turning towards the heart. We’re all turning towards the core. I really see a connection between what’s in the universe out there and the microcosm that is in the Dargah and the further microcosm that’s within each of us and within our bodies.

Adrian:             

That’s beautiful. Spirituality is underneath that is the connection and seeing the connection from all scales, whether it’s the large Cosmos to you as an individual, just even looking at your body as a cosmic representation. In our bodies, and actually Baba often talks about this as well. Our bodies are so complex. They are a universe in and of themselves. We don’t recognize that we take our bodies for granted, abuse it and neglect it and forget it and do all sorts of things with it.

Thal:                

 That’s true. How can you get angry if you think you want all those things?

El Farouk:         

I think anger is part of the human condition. It’s where we allow it to take us and how we bounce back from it.

Thal:                 

Yeah, absolutely. I’m thinking about, you know, who young are Muslim people that identify as Queer and who are really struggling mentally and probably thinking about walking away from the religion because they feel they’re not accepted. I mean, what kind of advice would you give those people?

El Farouk:         

Don’t let other people tell you who you are or what you are? Learn to define it for yourself and embrace your spirituality which is innate to us. Why should we have to choose because it doesn’t fit with somebody else and so I would say to people you know, look within and find your own path because it is possible to do.

Adrian:             

What is your vision for the future of unity mosque and beyond and I guess all the other manifestations that branch out of that.

El Farouk:         

I want to subvert the planet.

Adrian:            

 What’s your master plan?

El Farouk:         

The idea for me of the unity mosque is to transform the face of Islam, not everybody’s going to end up at the Dargah. It’s always been that way. Not everybody has a calling to a center stage, a spiritual connection, right? But everybody has spirituality. Everybody has a need for connection. I don’t think it’s a small coincidence that a small number of people who come to my Dargah actually started coming to Unity mosque first and some of them don’t come to Unity mosque anymore but they found their way from there to the Dargah. My hope for the Unity mosque is that it’s a vision of inclusion and of a shared humanity and a cohesive spirituality is something that continues to be disseminated and that similar spaces start coming up in different places. I’d like to see this as a globalized movement and we’re starting to see more and more spaces like this coming up in different parts of the world. 

Of course, in some parts of the world is not actually safe for these spaces to exist or to exist publicly and it’s not going to be possible, which is also why our sermons, our Friday services are broadcasted through Facebook live and we actually have an international congregation and every Friday there’s people from Kenya, Ireland, and places in the states and across the GTA who for some reason can’t get down to the physical location and so on and so forth, who do access the service and because the service is then…the recording is kept on the Facebook group. I will often go back and check and see that something’s been watched 200 times or 150 times and so on and so forth. It’s my hope that people’s mindset and their understanding is also being transformed. One of the things that I always say to people is that if you want to try to start a community in your own physical location, we’re here to help you start that. The Protestant reformation started with people taking back their Christianity, and so the unity mosque is hopefully a vehicle for people to take back their Islam.

Thal:                 

One of the interesting things that you had mentioned because we attended the Unity mosque prayer last Friday and one of the things that you mentioned that there are a lot of Jewish people that practice too, right?

El Farouk:        

 Not everybody who comes to the unity mosque is Muslim identified. For me it speaks to the potential transformative capacity of a space like the Unity mosque because we are not trying to convert people. I would like people to come and feel better about themselves and find their own connection and if that connection is through Islam, that’s fabulous and if it’s not through Islam then you know, well, Allah in the the Koran says not everybody’s meant to be Muslim and that even religious diversity is part of God’s plan.

Thal:                

 It is mentioned that, “or else I would have created you all just one type of people.”

El Farouk:         

Absolutely. So I don’t actually know when people come to the mosque, whether they’re Muslim or not. Yeah. Unless I happen to know them. Right. Most of them are but some but of them are not, and some of the folks come from a mixed religious backgrounds or mixed families or have Muslims in their extended family. Some of the folks who I spoke about, who come from Jewish backgrounds, some of them are converts to Islam, some of them come from mixed Christian and Jewish homes, and you know, if you come from a mixed Christian and Jewish home, then Islam is really a very good solution.

Thal:                 

It is like the end of the narrative.

El Farouk:         

Because you don’t have to, you don’t want to have to give up Moses and the Torah and you don’t have to give up Jesus. You find them both? You can. Exactly. You know, I said it jokingly, but it’s actually kind of true. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and it has appeal for people, and remember during the time of the Prophet in Madina, Muslims and Jews used to pray together. Yeah.

Thal:                 

Yeah, there are many stories.

El Farouk:         

We’re not doing anything new. We’re just reclaiming our past that other people have tried to pretend it never existed, and at the same time, move forward. I think this is the element or the essence of Islam that I think the fundamentalists forget that it is organic and it is responsive. Even the history of Islam, the Quran was revealed over a 23 year period to the prophet Mohammed because it was in response. It wasn’t here it is, now conform, which is what we are told Islam is today, but it is not the history of Islam. It is not even how Islam came into the world. It came into the world as a response and a response to the need of people and of society.

Thal:                

 I think people confuse the concept of surrender with conformity.

El Farouk:         

Yeah. Who is the surrender to is the question because usually the people who are telling you that you need to surrender. They’ll tell you to surrender to God as they understand God and to God’s word as they tell you to understand it.

Thal:                 

Whereas, you know, true surrender is a very deep way of being and it’s about a connection with your self, really.

El Farouk:         

Well, if Allah is closer to you than you’re own jugular vein, then you know, you need to look inside as well as outside.

Thal:                 

Any thing that you wanted to talk about that you haven’t had the chance to talk about or any questions that you would have liked to be asked because you’ve always been out in the media for like 20+ years.         

El Farouk:

We talked about psychotherapy and so on. I think that a large part if the crises that we see and the dependencies that we see in the world around us, I think it’s comes from this schizophrenia, this compartmentalization of our physical, sexual, spiritual, and emotional beings. The name for the unity mosque, it is tawheed, it is unity, it is oneness, but Oneness is not sameness.

I think that whether you find it in Islam or you find it through any other tradition. Finding that sense of balance and that connection to yourself and to the world around you, I think is what’s missing for many people and it’s what causes all this dysfunction in the world around us.

Thal:                 

Absolutely.

Adrian:             

Thank you. Beautifully said.

El Farouk:         

Thank you.

Thal:                 

Thank you very much for your time.

Bonus Material: 

El Farouk:

In my work as a refugee lawyer and I primarily represent the majority of the cases that I represent are either based on sexual orientation or gender identity or expression or gender. So everything from, you know, for the gender stuff, it’s forced marriage, domestic violence, a lot of female genital mutilation, but it, over the years of doing this work and listening to people’s stories, and I represented people from about 120 different countries, so from all religious and non-religious and racial backgrounds and so on, is how religion and spirituality are used as, as these weapons to bludgeon people. We talked about that within the Muslim context, but I’ve seen it sort of universally women. I think that, you know, not all gay men are visibly gay, but all, most women are visibly female from birth.

 The way patriarchy, misogyny, and religion intersect as how women’s bodies are controlled and how women, girl children are controlled and limited, and told that they’re not worthy. You’re not worthy to lead prayer. You’re not worthy to be in this space. You don’t have the capacity or the ability, and so this kind of gendered hierarchy is created within our theology and within our religious spaces, and to me, that’s abuse. That’s a form of violence right there to say that you are not worthy, that somehow you need to be confined in a particular space.

Thal:                 

Even women’s voices…

El Farouk:         

Yes, your voice cannot be heard, and so on. To me, even if you don’t recognize this as abuse or ss violence, it is. I just presented a case today, my client is a Muslim woman from West Africa. I remember having this conversation with her because it’s a question I have to ask my female clients who are alleging domestic violence is if they were raped during the marriage and the notion that they can be raped by their husband is actually something that they sort of look at me and go, what? If your husband forced you to have sex against your will, that’s also rape. It’s your body and you have to consent, and yet even within some Muslim theological constructs, there’s no concept of marital rape. To me, that’s a form of violence. These are the kinds of things that sort of have informed me in the development of my own theology and how our relationship to God and to ourselves and to religion and our spirituality has to be transformative and has to liberate because this is violence and surely our spiritual tradition doesn’t teach us violence as a vehicle for closeness to God’s creation.

Thal:                 

Yeah and shouldn’t be a source of pain and separation and trauma. Sort of take away people’s lives, really, not allow people to thrive as human beings.

El Farouk:         

That’s exactly what it does, it suffocates our growth as human beings, and if we are all created in God’s image, then how does this violence allow us to reach our fullest potential? It doesn’t, in fact, it constricts us and confines us and denies us that growth.

Thal:                 

Keeps us small…

El Farouk:         

And separated and the separation is also a separation from ourselves and I think that’s where all the anxieties and depressions and the mental health issues that arise.

Thal:                 

Yeah, not only in the queer communities, it’s everywhere now.

El Farouk:         

Pervasive.

#13: Symbols of Our Times with Jonathan Pageau

In his book “On Writing,” Stephen King says, “Symbolism exists to adorn and enrich, not to create an artificial sense of profundity.” The use of symbols extends beyond the literary world. Whether they are cultural, religious or psychological symbols are objects that are deeply ingrained in our psyche and help assign depth and meaning to our human experience that mere language cannot contain.  

On this episode, we explore symbolism and stories with Jonathan Pageau. Jonathan is a professional icon carver, writer, public speaker and the host of the popular YouTube channel, The Symbolic World. We talk about the role of art and how understanding symbolic language in religious stories, legends as well as blockbuster movies can help us navigate the modern meaning crisis. We dive into Zombies, The Matrix, feminine symbolism and more. Jonathan is the editor and a contributor for the Orthodox Arts Journal. He also teaches weeklong carving classes at the Hexaemeron School of Liturgical Arts.

Highlights:

  • Role of Art in Spirituality
  • Meaning Behind Zombie Stories
  • Symbols in The Matrix and Christianity

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Adrian:

All right. Jonathan, welcome to the show.

Jonathan Pageau:

Oh, it’s great to be here. It’s great to meet you.

Adrian:

Thank you. Thank you for coming on. Yeah, it’s my pleasure. Yeah maybe a place to start for us is to just draw the link between our previous conversation we had with John Vervaeke where we talked about cognitive science and spirituality and your name came up. You know, he mentioned that we might want to explore your work in the symbolic world, which is actually perfect timing because, you know, here we are, we have a chance now to go into that world. From an outsider kind of looking at some of your videos, I see that part of your goal is to unpack symbols or hidden patterns within stories. And you seem to do this both with religious stories as well as pop culture stories. And I know there’s lots we can dive into, but maybe as a starting point is to ask when did this start? You know, early on in your childhood, what was sort of your early spiritual life and how did you get into symbolism?

Jonathan Pageau:

I grew up in an evangelical world. My parents were Catholics who converted to the evangelical faith in the 1970s, late sixties, 1970s, in Quebec where I’m from, French Canada. There was a massive shift, you know, we call it the peaceful revolution, the quiet revolution, and a lot of people left the Catholic Church and some of those people, you know, discovered evangelical Christianity and that my parents went on that route. And for them it was really a way to free themselves from a very strict and, and misunderstood aspects of Christianity. But myself then when I was in my twenties, because I had an artistic tendency, I tried to join my faith and my art and it was very difficult to do that. First of all, because in the Protestant Evangelical Church, there is a quiet disdain of art, at least not in the church. Like some people will say, I know art is fine as long as it doesn’t come into the church and there’s no images, there’s nothing. And so I was struggling to find a place for being an artist in the church. But then also I was struggling to join, let’s say my, my faith with contemporary art because contemporary art is extremely cynical and it’s then the way that it represents the world, it’s always representing things. It’s as a commentary upon a commentary upon a commentary. It’s very removed from what it’s doing. Um, and it seemed like I just couldn’t fit it together. And so I finally decided to give up art and to kind of throw it all away. And as I was doing that, I was also looking and searching spiritually because it just felt like there was something missing in the, let’s say in the Christianity that I had learned in the Evangelical Church and you know, through different routes, different kind of… Going around reading all kinds of things, trying to figure out what was, what I was attracted to. I discovered mystical Christianity, Hesychasm, the mystical tradition of the eastern church. And then at the same time, I discovered medieval art and Orthodox iconography, which had a powerful symbolic language within it. And so it was that which kind of started everything. And my brother, um, who is going through similar things as I was, he really went down the route of reading a Jewish text and reading Rabbinical commentary and, uh, and even the Zohar and, and more kind of esoteric texts. And so in our discussions, you know, I was reading the church fathers in discovering all this medieval art and he was reading rabbinical commentary and we had these amazing discussions where we just realized…we realize all the patterns that were in the biblical text. Then how these patterns leaked out into the just the, you know, the architecture, the art, the shape of culture itself. And then finally, when that started to take shape in our mind and, you know, our minds started to be formed in that direction, then we could look at the world in general and see the same patterns within, uh, popular culture or anything. You know, it’s basically the symbolic understanding is basically the pattern which underlies the way we interact with the world. And so they, they, they are patterns, which are there in history which are there in our lives. Um, it’s easier sometimes to see them in stories because they’re so condensed, whereas, but they still, they lay themselves out even in the way we perceive the world. So that’s kind of how everything started and then slowly gaining that insight you could say, um, is what led me on this path.

Adrian:

That’s really cool. I want to ask you, was there a one pattern that stood out early that sort of was maybe more transformative than other ones that kind of sets you on that path?

Jonathan Pageau:

I think so because I guess I’m an artist and I deal in space in terms of what I’m making. I think that the basic pattern of center and periphery would be the basic pattern that then is the one I would hook everything onto. And I still do that today. And so I still tend to see the world in terms of a center. The center being identity, being a name essence, cause all these things. And then the periphery, which is the, uh, let’s say, the question you could say, you could call the center of the answering, you could call the periphery the question which asks, which is constantly asking the identity, you know, do I fit? Do I fit? How do I fit? What, what’s my place? And so understanding that, that, uh, that basic relationship of center and periphery is the pattern that I use. If you watch my videos, you’ll see I’m always using that same trope because you can, you can use analogies for that. We could use masculine and feminine, you can use a heaven and earth, but all those, you know, tend to manifest themselves in the world as this relationship between center and periphery.

Thal:

So, um, according to you, like it’s, this big question is coming to mind. According to you then, what is the role of art? Or what kind of, how does it serve a purpose in our modern world?

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah you have to repeat the question. Sorry, I, it totally broke up. Go ahead.

Thal:

That’s okay. What is the role of art and how does it serve a purpose in our modern world? Because you said something very important about contemporary art and it being cynical and removed from the source. That’s really an important observation.

Jonathan Pageau:

Well, one of the things that happened, I think as I discovered art and I discovered under a different, a more traditional, you could say, understanding of art is I really attached myself to the medieval, you know, definition of art, which is that art is, we tend to think of art as being, the object. So we say this is art, you know, some, some object in the world. Whereas the traditional definition of art is that art is a skill. And so we still use that word today. We say something like the art of bread making or the art of, you know, the art of painting. But the art is not the object. The art is the, the, there’s a famous saying by Ananda Coomaraswamy, which is “the art always remains in the artist”, right? The art is the skill of the artist has to fit things together in a proper manner. And so in that, in that manner, art itself does not necessarily have a value in itself. And, and I think that once you start to realize that it frees you so much because people argue over what is art and what is not art. And, they somehow have this presupposition that for something to be art means that it would have value in itself, which is absolute nonsense. Uh, and so the way that I view art is that art is a, is an accumulation of skill and knowledge to fit things together. And then what’s important is what you use it for until what is the purpose of the object that you’re making? Um, and so, so once you, once you kind of see that, then all of a sudden a lot of the art that’s, that’s being made today lifted the contemporary art. You have to always ask yourself, what is the, what is the purpose of this art? And the answer for it, the answer that it is art is not enough. It’s not enough of an answer. The fact. And so you realize a lot of contemporary art is actually there to offer prestige. It’s there to, uh, to create an elite, a cultural elite, which understands the hermetic language. And then, you know, the masters don’t understand it. There’s a whole, uh, it also has a, it’s also there for financial speculation to create, uh, you know a pyramid of investments with, uh, with different collectors who, who make their art being be worth more. So all of a sudden the world of art opens up and you see, you ask yourself what the purposes are. And so then you, so for example, then myself, I had to ask myself then what am I going to make? What objects am I going to make? And that’s when the notion of liturgical art kind of opened itself up for me, which is, okay, well what is the highest use of art that could did, I could engage in let’s say, and then liturgical art just appeared as being the highest because it serves the purpose of, first of all, it is there to kind of show you something higher. It’s there to kind of connect you to something that transcends you, uh, connect you to God connects you to the transcendent. But it’s also there to unify a community. And so sacred art is always also very particular. So iconography has a language which is known by the people who are within the church. It is a, it is a communal language. And so engaging in that language is also unifying a community together and participating in the life of a community. Um, so I think that those end up, I would say that those are, in my opinion, the highest forms of art. Art that can show you the patterns, show you something, connect you to something higher, and then can also create a locust, participate in a language that creates a community. Um, to me that’s it,

Thal:

That’s an important question too that I sit with. Um, I like to write poetry and that’s also a form of art and, um, especially mystical poetry really moves me. And so that brings up the question too of yes, the role of art. There are all of the artists, but also, um, the state of the artist and at what state are you producing? Like you said, it’s about the work itself, um, at that state of being present in a specific way and, and, and the material that’s brought that’s being created. What kind of, um, I don’t know what, like we’re limited with language, but what kind of energy or feeling is the receiver getting from that piece of art?

Jonathan Pageau:

Right. No, I, I agree. I think that for sure in terms of ideally I think that we should, art can be a form of meditation in itself. Creating objects can be a way to, uh, you kind of enter into this zone, and you lose yourself in a certain manner in what you’re doing. You become extremely present. Um, and then the object that you make will reflect that. And so I think that that’s definitely let’s say the greatest art, especially like you talked about a mystical poetry or mystical, um, works in general. I think liturgical art in terms of iconography as well can have that same effect. Yeah. If you look at the icons of the trinity by Rublev or just the icons of the Russian icons that were produced in that time, you know, there’s this, you look at them and there’s this just amazing connection to something which is beyond you. And you hope that, that, uh, the state of the also participated in creating that. But I have to be honest though that sometimes it’s not the case. I, I’ve experimented this very particularly myself because as a, as an icon carver, it’s my job. You know, I get up in the morning and I go to the workshop. So some days, you know, everything is great and I’m in the zone and you know, I, I took time in the morning to pray and to meditate and I go there and it’s good. And there are other days where it’s the very opposite. You know, I just had a huge fight with my wife and I went to bed at two in the morning and I’m getting up and I’m all groggy. Uh, and then I, I work on this piece and I’m not there, you know. And the surprising thing is that sometimes it, sometimes it doesn’t matter. And it’s very strange. I’ve had people tell me, Oh, this, this particular icon you made is, you know, it, it really shows something more. It really connects you to something more. And I’m thinking, Oh, if you knew what state I was when I made that, you would not, you would not think that. So, so hopefully I think that sometimes too, artists can act as a, almost as vehicles despite themselves. And I think that, that’s true. And you talked to any, any artists and they know they’ve had that moment where it’s like they know that it’s not them because they’re a wreck of a person, but what comes out of them ends up being, um, being amazing. And so I think that artists can sometimes act as tuning forks to a certain extent, uh, to something which is beyond them.

Thal:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Sometimes I feel that way. Even I’m writing a poem, I’m like, what? Like, what’s going to come out? Sometimes it’s just, it, just the process of writing the poem takes me from a more disheveled state to a somewhat somewhat balanced state. Yeah,

Jonathan Pageau:

That’s wonderful if it can do that, that’s for sure.

Thal:

Yeah. Sometimes.

Adrian:

Jonathan, I want to ask you, um, you made a reference, I think in one of your videos I watched you mentioned story acting as symbolic compression and that kind of, I really like that framing. Um, and in connecting, connecting it to arts like art can have that effect. It’s a compression of, of patterns or symbols. Why is that helpful for someone who doesn’t look at the world that way? If we don’t look at the world symbolically, how might we make a connection to a modern world? Um, we are putting our finger on the crisis of meaning to sort of tie in all those themes.

Jonathan Pageau:

Well first of all, an interesting, an interesting thing is that both the word symbol and the word art have similar etymologies in terms of what they mean. The word art and from Latin means, you know, properly fitted together. That’s what, that’s what it means. And symbol means two things thrown together. And so for example, the, in Greek they used the word symbol to talk about a place where two rivers would come and join into and become one river. And so both of them have this notion of joining together, coming together. And I think that that’s what symbolism does is that it shows you the pattern. That’s what a pattern is. A pattern is a coherent fitting together of something which could be disparate. So you have all these disparate elements and when you look and you see how actually they come together and they become one thing, you know, I always tell people, how do, why do we think that certain things are one thing? It’s because we have, there’s something in us, there’s a capacity. We have to see unity to see a pattern, uh, in anything, even a physical object. I always use the example of a microphone. Like, why do we think that a microphone is one thing? Why do we, why do we contain it in a, in a category? And that’s because it has a purpose and it has a pattern. And it’s the same for everything. And in stories we can, we can see it more clearly because the story, because the story has to have a beginning, has to have an end. You have to know, you have to recognize it as a story. You know, how do we know that something is a story rather than just a bunch of jumbled, uh, information, uh, put next to each other and it’s because it has a pattern. And so that that recognition is there to help us view the patterns. Now the problem we have today is that we are, we are in this crisis, this meaning crisis. And the way to understand that in terms of the symbolic structure is that we are in the rim. We’re in the periphery, we are in the margin and we use those, those, those words. You can just listen to culture. And you’ll see that we always talk about is the exception. The margin, the uh, you know, the, the, the peripheral, um, the strange, the bizarre, the monstrous, all these, all these images are the ones that are taking over our discourse. And it’s because that’s where we are in the pattern of the story. We are, we are on the edge. You know, we are on the end and so does it in means that we are the, we are at the end of something? I don’t know what we’re at the end of a, of a, of a, of a cycle of civilization where at the end of something, um, now my trick, the way that I’ve been trying to help people to be able to see the pattern is to help them see those, the patterns of the margin. Because the problem, most symbolic writing or most mystical writing has been trying to get you to see the heart, to try to lead you to the heart. Uh, and so trying to talk about the heart as the, the garden of delight as, uh, as you know, the oyster and the pearl as all these, all this type of imagery, which is there to help you understand, you know, the, the top of a mountain, the, the or, or using sexual imagery in terms of the union of masculine and feminine. All of these, the, these symbolic structures are there to bring you into that central space. But the problem is that we’re so far from it that we can’t even recognize those images. And so what I’ve been trying to do is start with the monster. Start with helping people understand where we are. Why do we have all this imagery around us? Why do we have, why, you know, why are we obsessed with ugliness? Why are we obsessed with exceptions, with, uh, with things that don’t fit? Why is that? Why are those the things we talk about? Because those are part of the pattern too. You know, that part of the pattern is also that which doesn’t fit in the pattern. That’s part of the bigger pattern you could say. And so helping people understand that that’s where we are. I think that that’s the, that to me, that has been the way to then point back and say, okay, well now how can we understand that? Understand the role of the periphery of the margin because it has a role. But then how can we then move towards now back towards that sacred space? How can we recognize, the bars of the ladder that will bring us back into, back into the heart, let’s say. Um, so that’s been the way, and I think that it’s, it’s been successful in the sense that I see that people recognize that they can see when you point to it, then you point to the analogies between monsters and zombies and, and uh, and, and all this other stuff that’s going on. And also the confusion that we’re bound in. They can see, okay, yeah. That’s where we are. So now what do I do with that?

Adrian:

Can you, can you help unpack that a little bit? So, yeah. Using this Zombie as a perfect example, I know John, there’s a bit of convergence there too with, for Vervaeke and him writing the book about zombies and the meaning crisis. Um, but how is it a symbol of the contemporary nihilism that I’ve heard heard you speak about?

Thal:

Also in connection with that question, when you talk about center, I’m thinking heart and just the zombies. Are they creatures that have a heart?

Jonathan Pageau:

Right. That’s the idea. The whole idea of a, of a Zombie is that he doesn’t, that he doesn’t have a heart and not a hard, of course, not in the in a physical sense, but the word heart is just means center. You know, and, and when you read in text, when he talks about the heart, it’s talking about the center of the person, both physically because that’s where we feel our life is here, right in the, in the chest. That’s kind of where we experience breath. That’s where we experience, uh, emotion. Uh, all those things happen in that, in that space. But it’s also the center of the person in a more, let’s say, metaphysical manner, you know, the place where meaning and body meet and all that stuff. Um, and I think that that’s the Zombie is very fascinating because the Zombie is a, is one of the only modern monsters. Uh, it’s an, there’s the extra terrestrial is one of them, but the Zombie is really a modern monster. He, he appears in the 60s, you know, with a, with Ramero, although there were hints of what zombies of zombies before. The modern Zombie, the way we understand it as this decomposing, um, you know, walking dead figure really comes from the 1960s and it makes sense because that’s when the 1960s is when the meaning crisis started to accelerate. Um, and when people, you know, when things started to break apart, when faction started to fight over meaning over identity over also, um, let’s say we developed a pleasure culture, a culture that is based on our own passions where we were to give into your passion. That’s the purpose of life. And now we’re seeing the end of that. We’re seeing kind of the gutting of that myth that that giving into your passion or giving into pleasure or you know, living a life which is based on those values is going to provide meaning it doesn’t, it leads you into emptiness. And the Zombie is the, is the perfect example of that because the Zombie is pure desire and, and it’s reduced desire to the, the essence of what desire ends up being, you know, which is basically that the desire to eat life like to devour life and also to devour, um, the, the other person. Because when we give into our just pleasure, when we give it only to pleasure, we always objectify the person who is there to, to serve us our pleasure. Whatever it is, when, when our purpose is pleasure, uh, whether it’s in sexuality or whether it’s just, you know, buying things at the store or whether it’s getting what you want, uh, when you reduce it to pleasure, you’re objectifying the person in front of you, then that person is not a full person, is just a tool to get you what you want. And that the Zombie is the ultimate, you know, the, the, the radical example of that, you know, where human beings become food for this ravenous desire that they have. So that’s just one aspect. But there are many aspects of the Zombie. The fact that it’s decomposing the fact that it’s idiosyncratic. Um, you know, the Zombie, the ultimate punk rocker is a Zombie because, you know, every Zombie is different because they’re decomposing and so they, they, they’ll decompose in a different manner, but at the same time, the strangely are all also this giant mass. So it’s like these two opposites seem to coexist where each Zombie is idiosyncratic, but it’s also, there’s just this giant, you know, like massive wave of death that is coming towards you. So it’s every, almost every single aspect of the Zombie is there to show us the world, the world that we’re living in right now.

Adrian:

Yeah. It seems like, even if we don’t think we’re looking at things symbolically, there’s probably an intuition, which is why these films and these images are so attractive. You know, people love these TV shows and movies and, um, they really sort of resonate seemingly on an unconscious level.

Thal:

And it’s like, it’s, it’s an image of us really. When you said monster, like other monsters are just different alien images, but the Zombie is, is us basically.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean all the day. Yeah. All the monsters are somehow are both, you know, the, the, they kind of represent the edges of, the problem with the edge is that, did the edge is always tends to be… On the edge is also the other, right. When you get to the edge and you, you reach a place where it’s not you anymore. It’s like it’s something else. It’s, it’s this, it’s this other, it’s a, it’s either your enemy or your neighbour or your, or the unknown, you know, the stranger, all those, all those images are there to… The monster tends to manifest all of those ideas we have about the, this, this stranger, the idea of the strange in general. Um, but the Zombie, like you said, it somehow comes closer to quite a bit because the characters in the story, you know, in the story, the characters will become zombies. Most of them, you know, almost in every Zombie movie, the idea is always like, okay, so who’s going to get bitten and who’s not, you know, and, and so many stories end with almost everybody, you know, turning. And so, like you said, it’s a, it’s a monster story which shows us, which comes much closer to us, where it’s like, it’s, it’s potentially us. Who are these monsters more than anything else? More than like, you know, the, let’s say the lizard man or the wolf man or all these kind of these dark creatures or you know, a vampire. Well, the vampire also has a little bit of that too. Um, but in a different manner.

Adrian:

Do you have personal views of how this all will end? I mean, just going off what you just mentioned, like most Zombie movies kind of in the same way, it’s that you don’t beat em. You can’t beat the monsters [laughing].

Jonathan Pageau:

The Zombie story is frightening. Exactly because it is shows the problem of the ending. Um, in terms of this problem that we have, the meaning crisis, you know, there’s a, uh, there’s a trope in video games for awhile where, I don’t know if they still exist. I’m not, I’m not a Gamer, but I saw it when people were playing that they had, um, every game had like a Zombie mode where basically all it was was just wave after wave of zombies coming at you. And you can never win. You can’t, you can’t win all you need to do the, the way you, the further you go, like you, you survive how long you survive, but you can’t beat the game. It’s impossible. The zombies will just get more and more and more until you and until you die. And so it’s very dark. It’s a very dark image. Uh, but in terms of the Zombie story, you know, some friends and I, we’ve actually worked on a solution to a Zombie story and it was very existential for a friend of mine, someone that, uh, someone that reached out to me in, he was having horrible nightmares about zombies, you know, just over, over and over. He would have nightmares, a nightmare then. So he was really an existential thing for him to, to deal with that. And you wanted to to, to deal with the zombies. And so he wrote me and he, he also, he’s the one who actually told me about John Vervaeke’s book because he said, oh here you’re talking about zombies. I’m, yeah cause he was online looking for Zombie. He’s like, I’m looking for solutions to his problem. And uh, he said that he said that the Zombie that John Vervaeke’s book helped him to get rid of the nightmares but not completely. And the solution to the nightmare came in a discussion that we had and the solution was the idea of a Zombie who would a person who would, who would somehow accept to become a Zombie to save others. Um, and then the idea of a Zombie waking up. We’ve never seen a story about that. I seems like that would be the best story. And I’m surprised no one has done it yet. Where within the horde of zombies, like one Zombie wakes up from their, from their situation. Um, so that, that seems to be the idea of waking up in death. I mean, obviously that’s it. That’s the Christian story of the resurrection. And we, I think that that’s the only solution. I don’t know in terms of a society how it’s gonna play out. I don’t, I have to admit that I don’t have the greatest hope for how this, how the social narrative is going to play out. It seems to be getting worse. Um, especially with social media, it seems to, it seems to make things worse because it seems to exacerbate a lot of the conflicts that we have in our, in our culture. And the conflict is exactly an extreme of the, of center and periphery. It’s actually a fight between people who want to, who, who see identity as dangerous, um, and who want to, who want to deconstruct identity and those who see that identity is necessary for the world, but then go too far and want to, you know, you know, um, let’s say declare their identity as being, you know, the one that, that, that you need to hold onto and know that they’ll fight for their identity. And so it’s, it’s a very, it’s a very disturbing, it’s very disturbing way for things to be setting themselves up. And I don’t see, uh, to me the solution to me, the solution is a hierarchy. Um, and I know a lot of people hate that word because it has such negative connotations. But the thing, the thing about a proper hierarchy is that a hierarchy shows you, let’s say, shows you the distance you have from the center.

Thal:

It’s like a roadmap.

Jonathan Pageau:

But it also, exactly, the hierarchy also gives you the steps you need in order to go into the center and so to be able to understand where you are. But also to have, so it’s not, it’s not an opposition between center and periphery, but it’s rather like a ladder that connects the two together, like or radius that connects the center to the periphery. And it’s a path that you can follow and, and kind of move in. And so I think that that, that re-understanding hierarchy, uh, in a proper manner, uh, not, not just not necessarily hierarchies of power, which is the only ones we understand, but let’s say a spiritual hierarchy. That I think is the only solution. So, so that’s why if you listen to my talks, you’ll see that I am always talking about hierarchy and I’m always, always trying to also show the positive and negative aspects of all sides. And so show the negative aspects of the center, how the center can become tyrannical, but then also show the positive aspects of the periphery. How do we also need that question? We need that, that doubt in order, you know, for the world to exist in a normal, in a normal manner. So I think that that’s, to me, that’s the only, it seems like that’s the solution. But in terms of the society, I don’t see it coming on before a major crisis. Uh, sorry. [laughing]

Thal:

It sounds to me like hierarchy is part of that symbolic world that it, the symbolic world is the, is like the paradox or the bridge between the center and the periphery. And when you’re talking about center and periphery, I, um, for me, I’m thinking about the form and the formless, um, and just, you know, um, that it doesn’t have to be that or that, that it’s, it’s really, it’s reconciling both sides and that it’s, what we’re stuck in right now is dualities, which are illusory essentially.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Especially when we don’t see how the duality comes together into something higher. You know, people often misunderstand or see a very limited image of the story of Adam and eve in the garden. And one of the understandings of that story is that when Adam and Eve ate the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, what was happening to them is that they were giving into duality and they were entering into a world of duality without unity. And that really then becomes the massive problem that’d becomes the, uh, the, the problem of the problem of everything. Uh, you know, and, and in Christianity, that’s why it’s kind of solved by love. Love becomes the manner in which both unity and multiplicity can coexist together. You know, because love does not, love, does not abolish difference. Um, it celebrates difference, but it also celebrates unity. It celebrates how difference can come together and be, be really one at the same time.

Adrian:

I love, I love to…this is all connecting and beautifully.

Thal: This is amazing.

Adrian:

I love your, um, your sequel to the Zombie story because, I’m thinking about the Matrix, right? So when you talked about waking up, and I think that’s sort of, uh, you know, uh, easily recognizable story that a lot of people know are familiar with. And, um, about an individual waking up to sort of a real, more real reality or you know, or differentiating what is simulation and what is what is truly real. And, but then also it brings the dualism, right, that duality that, that is perpetuated in that, in that movie. Um, would you care to, to, to unpack a little bit of symbolism in the Matrix. I know that was one of one of the videos I really enjoyed watching and seeing sort of the hidden patterns that are, um, they seem to do a good job of pointing towards.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah. Well I think that the the yeah, the Matrix is very fascinating because they really do set up an opposition. The Matrix is actually, at least the first movie, the second and third movie are such a jumble. It’s actually kind of hard to, to know what’s going on in those. He does, they do try to finish the whole, um, story with that kind of non dualistic finale where Neo joins himself to the source and then, you know, he, he tries to create a non dual, let’s say solution, but it’s difficult because it’s so jumbled. The stories are so chaotic and the second and third one, but in the first one for sure, there is really is a setup of a duality and it’s also an inverse hierarchy. People, it’s so funny how in the Matrix people tend to see, they tended to see spiritual symbolism in a way. I think they purposefully did put spiritual symbolism, but it’s an upside down spiritual symbolism because what’s real in the matrix is the body. That’s what’s real. What’s real is the, uh, this kind of nitty gritty, uh, existence of the flesh. And you know, everything related to the mind, everything related to two spirit is that’s the illusion, right? The illusion is the is the mind is the, uh, is the, let’s say the patterns of the world. Those are all illusions. And what’s real is, is the, uh, is the body. And so it’s an actually, it’s an upside down. It’s a revolutionary story and it’s presented as revolutionary in the, in the movie. It’s a revolution of the body against the, the mind. That’s what the Matrix is about. And that’s kind of, that’s what the modern world has been about, you know, especially since the, the 1960s. And I think that although I think that there are some interesting things in the matrix that that can help us to, uh, to understand some of the patterns. Most of it, most of the patterning is, is upside down. And I have to sadly say.

Adrian:

Perhaps it’s like an embodied spirituality. That’s kind of funny. I never even consider that. But like the flesh you world as, um, sort of a potential path, right? So, you know, it’s maybe not necessarily, um, just giving into passion. So you talked about, you know, the, the hedonistic way of living, but then just maybe celebrating, um, the somatic way of living. You know, cause we are often stuck in sort of left brain thinking modes. And we are disembodied, uh, yeah. In, in sort of a Zombie sense, but reconnecting with, with flesh and being reminded that we are walking around with these vessels and, you know, yeah.

Jonathan Pageau:

But I think that I, that that’s really, at least the Christian story, that’s what it’s, it ends up being all about the incarnation is really about finding the place, the reality of body, um, and the reality of body coming through it’s connection to that which transcend it. And that’s really the, in Christianity, we do not, we don’t view the body, the, you know, the world of phenomena as maya or as illusion. Um, but we, for it to be real, it has to be connected to the transcendent. That’s how it becomes real. And so it’s a, it’s a bit of a different, it’s been different from a lot of the eastern, or at least the, the, let’s say the cliche of eastern thinking that we, that we have in, in the west. Um, but in terms of the Matrix, I always tell people there’s the one scene that helps you to understand the difference between, I think real spirituality and the matrix is that when Neo resurrect at the end of the movie and he, he stands up, you know, and he looks out and he’s, you know, he’s, he’s kind of, he’s kind of full of what he’s going to be. It’s kind of attained this spiritual height that he’s going to attain. The only word that he says is “No”, that’s what he says. And I think that that’s really the difference between true spirituality, which says yes and, and the revolutionary spirituality of the Matrix was which who’s answered to kind of reaching enlightenment is to say no. Uh, so I think that that’s a way to see the difference. I think. Yeah,

Adrian:

There was another one. Um, we actually, it was so hard to select where like, oh, what are some pop culture references that I think people will really resonate. And another one for me was Moana [laughing]. It was actually, when you did a really cool, yeah, symbolic understanding of Moana, which I did not see it all. I mean, I really enjoyed the movie, but the moment you start pointing at those things, I got to rewatch it now and I feel like, yeah. Um, could you share a little bit about that trope that seems to be really popular about replacing the masculine with the feminine character? And I think you did that beautifully.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah, I think there’s, I think we have, there’s a very kind of sad trope in our culture, which is that we’ve recognized… let’s say we have these recognized patterns of masculinity and femininity. And at first it felt like, let’s say the feminist way of thinking was we need to get rid of these tropes. Like we need to everybody. Everybody is just a person, you know, like, we, we, everybody can do anything, that kind of thing. Um, but, but now it seems like there’s a, let’s say a one track, which is rather to take all the masculine tropes of a hero and just put a feminine body on the masculine tropes. And it’s, it’s very disturbing because what ends up happening is actually in a lot of movies what ends up happening, it, it looks like it’s actually a degrading of the masculine because in the stories you often see then the feminine character who, who is, has this, this role, you know, degrading a masculine character, you see it, you know, actually quite often. But what ends up happening in the end is that we’ve, we lose the value of the feminine. We use, we lose of the traditionally feminine, you could call it, you know, which is this whole idea of, of the question, this whole idea of, of, uh, of being the one who, the notion of the secret, this notion of the private, this notion of the, the, the hidden, all these, these, these important aspects that are part of symbolism, part of stories, you know, the mysterious, all these aspects are super important. Um, uh, and then, but then it’s like, we, we don’t, we’re almost degrading that by creating these characters that are just basically men with, with breast, uh, you know, cutting people’s heads off. I don’t, I don’t, I don’t totally, and, and it’s actually, it’s an interesting because it’s actually a sign of the times because in almost in all of western culture, there was this idea that on the edge of the world, you know, there existed these, uh, synchronistic nations, you could call them, synchronistic people and part of the synchronistic people were the Amazons, right? Like the Amazons where an upside down world where, you know, the, the, where all the women were warriors and they were fighting and usually there are no men or the men were just used to it to make babies and then they were kind of thrown out. Um, and so it’s very strange that we’ve come at a place where somehow we would, we would kind of glorify the, the, the image of that we would… at the same time, degrade the image of a strong man who would be a hero, but then elevate the same image with a feminine body. To me it’s such a weird contradiction. It’s like a, it, it’s such a jumble that it, it runs the risk of really confusing us in terms of our normal values in a society. I don’t know if that makes sense.

Thal:

It makes sense to me because, um, that’s something that I constantly think about. Um, especially with, uh, what’s going on right now. Like everything is, um, we’re living in a very charged times and um, it is important to situate feminism in a way where there is, um, we bring back the sacred and that’s where I feel like it will be the answer. One of the answers towards the meaning crisis. And we’ve had in the, uh, in our podcast, Jean Shinoda Bolen who, you know, wrote a lot around, um, the, the goddess mythology and that being a way of, of, um, or using the symbolic language to you know, portray the feminine in a more balanced way, the feminine and the masculine, not contradicting each other. Um, and to heal the feminine where you really is to heal the masculine and bringing both of, yet there is no separation. And, and, and your, your description of you know, how, again, limited by language, but how modern feminism or whatever, um, brings back the again, words, toxic masculinity and just dress it with a female body I think is for me as a woman and a woman of color is not the right answer.

Jonathan Pageau:

Oh, I mean, I, I definitely agree. I think that one of the things that I made my mission to do is to help people understand feminine symbolism in the most positive manner that is possible. And so, you know, I’ve done, I’ve written several articles on let’s say, the feminine and Christianity. I’ve done some talks on the mother of God on, on Mary and her role and her and the vision of her in the Christian story. Um, and also let’s say the role of the church itself as, as feminine. All of that is something that I’ve, that I’ve been trying to talk about because I do believe that one of the big problems that has happened is that the enlightenment, you know, for all the good that it has, it was a very masculine movement was, it was, it was in, uh, you know, it was a emphasis on reason, an emphasis on the public sphere, an emphasis on technological advancement. All that stuff was part of, let’s say from the 17th to the 19th century. And it led to the 20th century, led to the maniacal 20th century of totalitarian governments. And so I think that one of the things that have been lost has been a proper balance between the masculine and feminine. And so we need to look for ways to help to restore that, you know, help to restore the place of the, of the feminine. And, and I think that, I think a lot of people intuitively understand that. And I think that a lot of let’s say feminists movements intuitively see that and have a desire to find a way to kind of rectify that problem. Um, and, but I think they did often happens in a, in a confused and angry manner. And, and so it ends up not accomplishing what would we hope that it would accomplish. You know? And, and it ends up taking on that, that strange trope of, you know, a woman can do anything a man can do. And you’re like, oh, so you’re saying that that’s what’s valuable, right? You’re, you’re reaffirming that the only valuable thing is what a man can do. And then you’re saying a woman can do it. A woman can do it. Instead of saying, instead of looking at, at the feminine and looking at, at the wonderful aspects of, of, uh, of femininity and to, and valuing that and saying, this is extremely valuable, you know, uh, that the private, everything that’s related to the private sphere, everything’s related to the mystery, the secret, you know? Uh, you know, and, and also even the, the whole image of, I mean the mother is the most important thing in the world. If we didn’t have mothers, we have no, we would have no, we could actually probably we could, you know, theoretically dispense with pretty much with fathers and we would still, you know, for awhile have human beings. But without mothers there’s nothing.

Thal:

Mother is the heart, is the centre!

Jonathan Pageau:

And so, so I think, I think I, I think that that’s, you know, helping people really understand and relive feminine symbolism I think is, is a very important aspect of what I’m trying to do. That’s for sure.

Thal:

Yeah. And I was, as you’re talking about this, I was just thinking also about hagiography and the stories of saints and that’s something also that’s in the Sufi culture where there are many female Sufi saints that were leaders and had male students and a lot of them really, um, um, broke away and broke the rules, sort of, um, like hundreds and hundreds of years ago, which we see that as something modern. But really it has been going on for a long time. And I wonder how, yeah, and how is that connected to the Christian mystical tradition?

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah, well, for sure there are many stories of Christian mystics, especially as, as coming, you know, as having immense authority no matter what their gender is. The perfect example is Catherine of Sienna, who was so powerful, you know, she basically decided who the pope was when there was a conflict between different popes. It’s like, oh, well let’s ask Catherine of Sienna to see and to help us decide who the, the legitimate pope is. And so there is, there is a sense, uh, but, but it’s, uh, usually the, let’s say the power that women play is usually a, a whispering like, uh, it’s like, it’s a, it’s a very, it’s a very powerful, it’s kind of, okay. So here’s a, here’s a, a text that I wrote. If people are interested, I wrote an article about this, I think I called it “Sacred Art and the Power of Women”. And so there’s a trope in Christianity in the history of Christianity, which is that the, the woman always converts first. Uh, and so you see that in terms of all the important changes in the story of Christianity. So for example, you know, the mother of Constantine was a Christian before Constantine, you know, uh, the first, uh, Frankish emperor, the first Frankish king who converted his wife was a Christian. Vladimir of Kiev though converter of the Russians, his mother was a Christian and it’s systematic, you know, and not only that, but the great saints. So Saint Augustine’s mother was a Christian, uh, the Cappadocian St Basil and, uh, Saint Gregory, their sister was a Christian before them. And so there is this notion of this secret entering into this, entering into the secret place first, right? This entering into, uh, into a place secretly, first, and then a kind of calling. Uh, and then it kind of called let’s say a secret whisper, and then the world changes, the world moves and then the men start to publicly move around that, you know, and that starts right away in the story of Christ were the first person to come to the empty grave are the women, the first person who sees the resurrected Christ is Saint Mary Magdalene. And then she goes, she sees the resurrected Christ and then she goes back and then she tells the disciples, you know, he’s risen. And so it’s like, it’s right there, right at the beginning of the Christian story. And then the whole history of Christianity follows that, that, um, that pattern, which is this, this kind of this secret entering into somewhere by a woman and then kind of public, a later public coming out, let’s say, of of the, the official, let’s say masculine, uh, king or whatever. Uh, so, so I think that that’s something that people are interested in, that it’s definitely something worth looking into because it, it shows us also what the power of the feminine to invite or to frame. That’s the way that I represented in my, in my article is that because the feminine is a question, it actually frames the answer. It’s like, you know, the mother of God, there’s a story where the first time that Christ does a public act, which is to change water into wine, his mother goes up to him and she says, there’s no wine. And in Christ, the answer of Christ, the answer is, you know, like, why are you tempting me? It’s not my time yet. And it’s like, what? Like what? Very strange answer. He’s basically saying, I’m not ready to die yet. But she’s asking him to just telling them that there’s not enough, that there’s no wine. And so what she’s doing is she’s saying, here’s the problem. Now you have to, you answer, you answer this problem. But she’s the one who’s framing the problem. And so that’s always the, that’s always, that’s the power of the feminine is to ask the right question. And then the, let’s say the masculine answer is within that frame and that if you think about it for a little while, you’ll, you’ll see how powerful that is. It’s actually, it’s actually very, very, it’s more powerful than then we would think at first glance because you know, you don’t answer something that you’re not asked. Uh, you don’t, you, you answer within the question.

Adrian:

For me, a powerful symbol actually was sticking to the image of the moon and the sun using sort of solar consciousness to represent what we commonly consider masculine traits, clarity, height, ascension, um, and the lunar side, right? The moon reflecting perhaps more feminine qualities. You mentioned mystery and question, you know, being able to navigate the darkness, right? The shadows. Yeah.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah and veiling and unveiling for sure the moon avails and unveils herself.

Adrian:

And, and yeah, just the idea of a complete human perhaps is also the idea of having a complete day requiring both the day Sun as well as the night. And yeah, it was helpful for me to stay away from the polemics right. To move away from sort of that fraught territory of identity politics and getting caught up with words, you know, offending people. It’s you know, sort of pointing towards, yeah, I need to work on both my solar characteristics as well as my lunar characteristics and, um, and, and sort of treat it that way as opposed to even using the word masculine or feminine because it can be, can be triggering.

Jonathan Pageau:

It can trigger people. Yeah. Yeah. Do whatever works, you know. But I agree. A full, a full person is an androgen is like the, the ultimate person is androgynous. And I think that that’s, that’s inevitable. And, and it’s represented very much in Christian symbolism in terms of Christ himself or Christ is, is a masculine character. But he’s often described as the total man as being, uh, androgynous and Androgyny we have to be careful because we have a weird idea of androgyny. Androgyny is not, is not confusion of the genders. It’s not, it’s not a kind of weird, uh, you know thing where you’re not sure that that’s, there’s a difference between an androgyny and the Hermaphrodite you could say. The androgynous one and the hermaphrodite one. And so the, the Androgynous person is someone who is fully what they are but is also also contains the other side. And so it’s like Christ is fully a man, but he also has within itself all that is feminine as well. And so he doesn’t appear as a confused being, but he rather appears as one that has integrated they’re opposite into themselves. I don’t know if that makes sense.

Thal:

It does. Yeah. And I want to connect it back to what Adrian was saying and also bringing in, um, sort of the Jungian language where there’s the solar consciousness, lunar consciousness and Christ Consciousness is probably the, the marriage of both in a way.

Adrian:

Yeah. Yeah. Unity or nondual. Right. Sort of a non dual state. So you’re not one or the other. It’s sort of a blend of both.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah. And I think with, I think that right now it’s interesting because the whole, the whole question of nonduality, I think it’s very important. I for sure, I think it’s extremely important, but when we’re in the margin, we really have to be careful not to confuse nonduality with confusion, like confusion and mixture is not the same as nonduality. And so that’s very, it’s very important to make that difference because we, you’ll meet a, you’ll meet a nihilistic, you know, totally scattered punk rock person who talks about nonduality. But what they really mean is that they’re nothing. And in the negative sense, right? They have no focus. They had no center. They’re scattered. They’re there. Then it’s like, like, yeah, you’re not dual because you’re just a mess. It’s like being a mess is not the same as, as ecstatic mystical non-dualism.

Thal:

That’s a very important distinction. [laughing]

Jonathan Pageau:

Well, especially with the new age, a lot of new age thinking, you know, sometimes that becomes confused and uh, and you meet extremely destroyed people who have become so in the desire to, to become non dual. Uh, and so, so we have to be careful.

Thal:

That’s very important. Yes. A lot of new age type of thinking unfortunately is just narcissistic wounding repeating itself over and over again. And, and that could be, um, yeah, dangerous place to go to. Yeah, absolutely.

Adrian:

Jonathan, do you have any, uh, any favorite myths, um, just as somebody who devotes a lot of time, you know, studying stories and sharing, you know, patterns within them. Is there one sort of, you mentioned the center and the periphery. I guess that’s one theme or one pattern that has kept resonating for you, but is there a story? Yeah. Is there a story that stands out?

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah, I mean for sure. In terms of stories, you know, I mean, I think that my two favorite stories as they kind of play up against each other is really the story of the creation in the Bible up to the fall. Um, and maybe even up to Noah, let’s say that, that, that like slide, I think that that contains so much, there’s so much in that story and then the story of Christ as an answer to that. So you have these two stories that kind of play off against each other. I would say that if you listen to my talks, you’ll see that I’m constantly going into the story in genesis into the story of creation and the fall and then then going into the story of Christ and trying to show how they relate to each other. Um, but in terms of, um, that’s the, in terms of, of a secular stories, I definitely really enjoy fairy tales. I love to think about fairytales because a lot of them sometimes are, are so strange, you know, they’re so weird, you know, like the story, I did a video on puss in boots for example. You know, that story is so odd. There’s, when you see it on the surface, it just looks so weird and uh, but somehow it’s survived until today. And so it means that there must be deeper in it. And so what I love to do is to take the fairy tales and to break them down to show how they’re symbolically coherent and that that’s been kind of a favorite thing of mine where you see something. So like Rapunzel, I did a video on Rapunzel just recently where it’s like, what does that story of why does she have long hair and why she, you know, she’s up in the tower, which has this weird long hair and, and you know, the, the prince climbs up, but then she gets her hair cut and until it’s like it. And then also she wanders into the wilderness and we don’t even hear you often in the story about how the, how the, witch died. It doesn’t really matter. But you know, then she cries on him and he restores his sight. And it’s so strange, but it makes total sense. It’s completely coherent in terms of, uh, in terms of its symbolic structure. It just, it just seems odd to us at first glance. So that’s something that I love to do is to dive into those types of stories.

Adrian:

All right. Just to close. Is there anything you can suggest listeners as far as, um, maybe sharpening this faculty this ability to see things perhaps in a more symbolic way outside of just merely sort of studying the story? Are there any practices maybe you engage in that are, that are helpful for that reframing or shifting our perspective?

Jonathan Pageau:

Well, I think that being part of an actual tradition is important because you know, when you’re, let’s say I’m, I’m eastern Orthodox and, and there is a coherence which sets itself up not only in the stories but then also in the liturgical year. So what we celebrate during the year, how it follows the pattern of the year, and then what we will sing during those years, what icons we use during the feast. And so what it does is it really creates, and also the architecture of the church and how the images in the church fit with all of that. So what it does is it creates a puzzle, which is bigger than just a bunch of stories that are disconnected. It’s actually a coherent world. You know how we talk about people who write, talk about world building, you know, where you need to have this kind of coherent world where let’s say the liturgical year and everything that comes with it, all the, all the art is a, is this coherent world. And so you can, you can get a lot of insight by meditating on, on that and also being within it instead of just looking at it from the outside. It’s very different when you’re just looking at a story from the outside. Um, it’s different when you’re in the story and you’ve actually taken on the story as your own and you’re participating in it physically. So I think that that’s something that I definitely think is important in terms of, of understanding symbolism. But then, you know, there, there are some, there are some books that you can read. I think there are some church fathers you can, you can also read some of the church fathers. My brother, I told you a little bit about my brother. He wrote a book called the Language of Creation last year. And, uh, I would say it’s probably in my, I mean, I’m not objective obviously because he’s my brother, but I, I think that it really is a very beautiful, concise book that can help you understand symbolic structures and, uh, and he uses the Bible as the, as the core, but he’s actually really talking about cosmic and psychological structure so you can, uh, it can help you to understand all kinds of stories when you, when you read his book, so..

Thal:

Yeah, what you’re saying is making me think about how, how we can view our life as a journey and that we are the hero or the heroine and we’re on a journey and that the symbols we’re not looking at them objectively through a microscope, that it’s within us and it’s around us. And that’s how we can hopefully create some type of meaning.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah, I agree. And the meaning, you know, once you engage in that way, no, you’re surprised to see the patterns, like you said, in your own life. It’s not just in the stories outside, but you start to notice in your relationships, you know, in the way that things manifest themselves to you, let’s say you start to see that they do so in patterns as well, and that you’re also part of a story. And so that’s something that’s actually, I mean, it’s, it’s wonderful when that happens, when things kind of come together and everything fits.

Thal:

And that unfolds really regardless of what tradition the person decides to follow, it just unfolds naturally.

Jonathan Pageau:

Yeah. I mean, for sure. We are all here. We all are in those patterns, no matter where we are in, no matter where we do, uh, you know, the question is where in the pattern we are and hopefully we can move towards the heart. That’s what, at least the hope.

Thal:

Absolutely. That’s amazing. Yeah. Thank you,

Adrian:

Jonathan. That was a pleasure. Thank you so much.

Jonathan Pageau:

Okay. Yeah, it was great to talk to you guys. I wish you wish you all the best with your podcast as well. I hope that, uh, it’ll, it’ll, uh, it’ll continue.

#12: Reclaiming the Inner Teen with Avi Zer-Aviv

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

One of the most important aspects of healing is tending to our emotional wounds. We have all been hurt. It might look different from one person to another, but some of our wounds are deep and carry a specific age. When we are trying to work on our wholeness, we may have to pay attention to our inner child or our inner teen. Bringing back the lost parts of ourselves and integrating into maturity is the essence of self-development.

On this episode, we have a conversation with Avi Zer-Aviv, a Toronto-based Psychotherapist and educator. Avi is a member of the Canadian Humanistic and Transpersonal Association and a LGBTQI positive Practitioner. Avi’s holistic approach to psychotherapy is informed by decades of deep inner work and spiritual exploration. In this conversation, we discuss the role of psychotherapy in modern society and learn the tricky dance of working with activated “inner teens”. Avi shows us how our deepest wounds can end up becoming our biggest doorways to personal transformation.

Highlights:

  • Difference Between a Psychologist, Psychotherapist and Psychiatrist
  • Psychology of the Inner Teen
  • Healthy vs Unhealthy Shame

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal:

Hello Avi, Welcome to the show.

Avi:

Thank you for having me.

Thal:

Thank you. Thank you for coming on. Um, we wanted to start today with, uh, your personal journey. Um, you have been a psychotherapist now for a few years. Um, please let us know how did you get there?

Avi:

I’ll give you the coles notes.

Thal:

Alright.

Avi:

Um never thought I would be a therapist. Never set out to be a therapist. I had a sort of an early awakening when I was a teenager, sorta grew up in the suburbs of Toronto up in York region and white picket fence sort of life. I’m not really religious. I’m very much consumer. And I started to find myself wanting more of probably around 12 or 13 starting to think about things that, um, mystery, the mystery of life, but I didn’t really have any one to bounce anything off of. Um, and um, I had an, I have an aunt and uncle were kind of at the time were sort of the black sheep of the family and they, uh, asked me up to their cottage up in a Bancroft Ontario and I spent 10 days there, and it felt like I found my tribe. I remember thinking that when I was teenager, like, oh, these are my people.

Adrian:

So how were they different from the rest of your family? How are they black sheeps?

Avi:

Uh, they were, they just didn’t drink the Kool-aid of, you know, what is your, what the program of life is supposed to be. They were travellers, they were um, uh, spent a lot of time in Asia. They owned, they owned a, uh, an Indian clothing store on Queen West and meditated and were vegetarians and just things that were off the beaten track. Um, and um, yeah, so I, I intuitively felt that I’d found people I could talk to about things that I’ve been really hungry to talk about and that was kind of where it all started.

Thal:

That’s awesome because those questions that you have at that young age, a lot of people do have those questions and don’t know where to go and sometimes that causes more anxiety.

Avi:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s, it’s very easy to get isolated. Yes. Yeah, for sure. Um, so I felt really lucky, but then I had to come back to my suburban life and the contrast made things even more painful. Um, so I became kind of a rebellious teenager and uh, just was counting the minutes until high school was finished so I could go traveling, which is something really wanted to do and that’s exactly what I did. I, I the minute high school ended I set off and lived in Asia for a year and I myself in India for six months, on a spiritual pilgrimage and meditated my brains out. Lived in south India, different ashrams. The Aurobindo Ashram, Ramana Maharishi Ashram, and I went pretty deep with my meditation practices. But when I got back to Toronto I realized that wasn’t really in my body. I was very much opening a lot of doorways, but I was kind of, my energy was going up and I sort of left body behind and um, that’s how I just might, my instinct was to just to meditate more and that just seemed to perpetuate this kind of feeling of ungroundedness and just feeling of kind of not wanting to be in the world, just wanting to meditate back to whatever source was/is. And uh, then I started getting panic attacks in my early twenties, which was the invitation to psychotherapy.

Thal:

How old were you when you were in India?

Avi:

18.

Thal:

And it’s usually at that age, um, and you know, you going after the spiritual path without the embodied part is what may have caused, um, you wanting to escape, escape your body.

Avi:

Absolutely.

Thal:

And, and so psychotherapy helped you integrate body and soul?

Avi:

yeah, it came very reluctantly. I didn’t really believe that psychotherapy was a valuable tool because of the sort of focus on content, on story and on narrative, on history. I sort of, from a, from a young sort of a this not in not integrated spiritual lens, that was just ego indulging itself and that wasn’t, that was just kind of getting caught in the web of you know, at the time when I called maya, or illusion and so I really didn’t come in, in an open hearted voluntary. I came in really because these panic attacks were getting worse so much so I would have them on the street and feel like I would just couldn’t interact socially. Um, and so I really came to just, I wanted someone to help me get rid of these panic attacks and I gave myself a year to get and get back to my spiritual practice. I could go and become enlightened [laughing]. You know, what is it now 20 something years later? For me, psychotherapy was a doorway into an integrated spirituality. So I didn’t have to leave my spirituality behind. What I did have to leave behind was an idea of spirituality, though that was really about not being here in the world, which in my opinion, any good spirituality is one that is of the earth and is in life. We’re here, we’re alive, we’re in this body, and so why not be here?

Thal:

Exactly. That’s very important to remember because even the word spirituality, a lot of people find it problematic or don’t understand it and assume that it’s about escaping when in reality, all the authentic spiritual teachings are about being in the world and enacting your humanity in the world.

Avi:

Yes, yes.

Adrian:

It sounded like you had your panic attacks and so it was when things were so bad that forced you to, okay, now try, try new things. And psychotherapy, you went into it somewhat skeptical. It sounded like you, you know, you didn’t really fully buy into the idea of it. Um, you even set a deadline in a year if you want to be fixed and then you can just continue on with your meditation. What changed? So what at what moment did it start to shift for you when you realize, okay, this is not what I thought it was and what was it? What, what did it become for you?

Avi:

I worked with a really interesting therapist who was very much all about the here and now. And I thought, oh great. The present moment. There’s nothing like the present moment. This is a spiritual approach. Yet I didn’t, I didn’t have a sense of how much I didn’t want to be in the moment emotionally and vulnerably that I wanted to be in the moment with lofty concepts of mysticism and um, uh, you know, big picture stuff. But to be finite in the moment, to be raw, naked, emotionally naked in the moment was not only painful but was… Opened the door to my deep wounds and all my… And so I, this therapist was really challenging, did not, did not really like it, did not, not so much like, but really challenged me to stay in the moment with him. And, um, that’s not an easy thing when you haven’t been, when you’re not steeped in that and when that isn’t the way you’ve been brought up.

Thal:

Absolutely. And this is the, um, I guess, psychological arm of this spiritual path. A lot of people, um, you know, seek spirituality as a way to bypass a psychological trauma.

Avi:

yes,

Thal:

You know, developmental trauma, whatever, the pain of being human. And um, and so it sounds like psychotherapy in your life was a tool to bring you back into your body.

Avi:

It was. But you know, it’s interesting, when I first started spiritual practices at a really young age, Yoga, vegetarianism, I was amazed at how much clearing happened. And I think it’s a very common experience for a lot of people that don’t, that have just kind of, it’s a great starting point, spiritual practices. And it really does have a way of. A lot of these practices have a way of clearing energy and opening energy and expanding energy. And so, um, you know, in the moment you can be a little bliss bunny because you go from living a humdrum, mundane life to all of a sudden having visions or feeling waves of energy. I, everyone has a different thing, but it’s very intoxicating and beautiful doorway possibly for a lot of people in it. I think psychotherapy is just the downward movement. So if you think about spirituality is an upward movement. This is just the, the integration of, so you could say cosmos and the mundane and the transcendent and the imminent.

Adrian:

Since Thal and I are both training to be therapist, we are commonly asked what is the difference between psychotherapy and seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? There’s all these kinds of terminologies and credentials. Maybe this is a good chance for us to help kind of differentiate a little bit some of the differences and why you might seek one over the other.

Avi:

Sure, sure. Um, you know, psychotherapy up until the last few years has not been regulated in Ontario. So anybody could call themselves a psychotherapist and the focus of psychotherapists is psychotherapy, is counselling. It’s interventions around looking at people’s struggle, all of our struggle that the human struggle that we’re all in, but then our own personal struggles in our lives and essentially what gets in our way. That’s the, that’s the core of everything is what’s, what gets in our way of who we know we already are in how we want to live. And uh, the work of a psychotherapist is to help a client open to that and explore that and help the client get out of their way if they want to. Tt’s soul work. It’s the work of deep soul work. Now this is my lens of psychotherapy. Now there’s a lot of different types of psychotherapies. There’s cognitive behavioral therapy, which is more practical and psychoanalytic psychotherapy, which is more interpretive, but the kind of psychotherapy that I’ve been trained in and that has been my healing path is more a relational psychotherapy. It’s more psychodynamic, more, um, more opening to the mystery of self and without trying to fix or solve, but really taking the invitation to go deeper into the mystery. So that’s my unique experience and sort of how I look at psychotherapy. Now psychotherapy is now regulated in Ontario as of the last few years, um, through the college of psychotherapists, CRPO and um, uh, so to be, to call yourself a psychotherapists you have to be a registered psychotherapist. There’s a whole training involved. Um, do you want to know now that it’s sort of the distinction between…

Adrian:

I think it’d be helpful because some people have heard of, okay, I saw a psychiatrist and maybe they are also don’t know, is that psychotherapy? Right? Or a psychologist, you know, even looking at like in a very practical sense like insurance coverage, they might see, oh, I’m covered for all these things, but what’s the difference? They all start with a ‘p’ and I don’t know, you know, they’ll have psyche in it. They seem to be related to the mind because I, I’m sure there are lots of overlaps, but for a consumer who is new and is searching, it might be helpful to provide some guidance.

Avi:

Psychologist, it’s a doctoral program and they’re trained… The specialty with a psychologist is diagnosis. They’re very much trained around diagnosing mental health issues, mental health conditions, and they’re legally allowed to diagnose. Psycho therapist can assess, we can’t diagnose, but we can treat, um, whereas psychologists can diagnose and treat. There are a lot of psychologists that do psychotherapy in the sense of counseling and having these kinds of conversations with people. Um, the focus for many psychologists is diagnosis in that sort of their specialty area. Whereas the psychiatrist is a medical doctor who is trained in their specialty is prescribing medication. And um, uh, now, you know, a psychiatrist can do psychotherapy and psychologists can do psychotherapy, but psychotherapists can’t diagnose like a psychologist can and psychotherapists can’t prescribe like a psychiatrist can. So does that kind of clear up a little bit of the…?

Adrian:

I think that’s a great distinction. Having a sense of even the scope of what they’re trained to do and what they offer.

Thal:

I’m a second year student, a phd in transpersonal psychology. So, I definitely cannot prescribe or diagnose even because it’s not clinical psychology.

Avi:

Right.

Thal:

Um, it’s more, I would say it’s closer to the psychotherapeutic arm of mental health. Um, but a lot of people do also ask what does transpersonal mean? I’m from your description of psychotherapy. That’s, that’s the transpersonal, that’s the, uh, the, the, the space beyond the ego and um, and, and, and through my program, um, we’re able to sort of connect that with empirical research and I’m sort of, we look into how the brain functions during meditation and altered states and all that. So, um, and that’s all within the realm of mental health.

Avi:

The word transpersonal is misinterpreted heavily because the word itself, trans beyond personal beyond the self. Yes. There is an aspect to us that is bigger than ourselves, but it doesn’t mean we don’t get to take the self with us. It doesn’t mean the self sort of dissolves into nothingness and the spirit comes through and um, you know, is running the show without any. I like to the, the sort of adage that I really like when it comes to helping people understand what is transpersonal psychotherapy and what is just the transpersonal itself is, you know, do you guys know the saying it’s not the uh, you know, that whole idea of spirituality being like we’re like all like drops that drop into the ocean and sort of the ocean as the bigger, bigger consciousness, bigger, whatever your name for that is, whether it’s God or Goddess or whatever your thing. So I like to, when I, when I’m trying to explain what is transpersonal, I really like to say it’s not the drop that slips into the ocean, but it’s the ocean that slips into the drop. And that to me is what an embodied spirituality is. You don’t actually get to dissolve yourself, but you do get to take yourself along with, for the bigger ride that is bigger than you. It is bigger than your what do I want? What do I fear? It’s bigger than your wounds. So there is a place that’s bigger than our wounds. Truly. Yeah.

Thal:

And to get to that place, we have to understand her wounds and confront them.

Avi:

Absolutely. Absolutely. That is the price.

Adrian:

So on that note, since we brought up, um, you bring up a few things that are, I think are really important to highlight just so your approach to therapy as embracing the mystery of self, right? So really it’s a journey of getting to know parts of yourself that maybe you have either forgotten or didn’t place much attention and the wounded parts being probably a key part to actually focus on in the therapeutic relationship. Can you maybe share with us what that’s like for people that might not have experienced therapy? What does that process like and how might these old wounds show up in people’s current lives and how they experience the world?

Avi:

Do you mean how therapists work with wounds or how I would work with a wound as a therapist?

Adrian:

Maybe give an example for how it would show up for a person that might not be aware that these old wounds are affecting their experience of the world and that the way they interact with other people because it perhaps is not conscious yet.

Avi:

I see. I see, um, well wounds are a tricky business because to be alive is to be wounded. And what I mean by that is we’re our, our true nature is vast and spacious and wants to merge with everything. This is kind of like the true spiritual identity of who we all are. And so, and then we’re all tossed into this existence where you have a body and you’re called Adrian and we all have different names and you have a, you know, we have separate bodies and separate experiences and we’re sort of tossed to figure it out on our own. So that in itself creates an existential crisis that is just called life, right? This vast, expansive spirit trying to reconcile, living in a finite, um, singular experience. It’s William Blake, one of my favorite, a really great poet, uh, you know, he says eternity, which he’s saying like life source, eternity is in love with time and space. But to become, to go into the time and space, it has to be dismembered. It has to be broken. That pure vast spirit has to be. It’s like a shard of broken glass that you call it, that we’re all calling our separate selves. So it, you know, um, just to breathe and to take up space in a way is to be wounded. There’s a book called, uh, I think it’s called The Trauma of Birth and it’s essentially not, not birth trauma, but it’s just traumatic to be born in an existential sense.

Adrian:

It’s the price of admission.

Avi:

It’s the price of admission. So it’s, it’s a negotiation and um, you don’t have to have had a terrible childhood to… You could have a great childhood and you’re still in those waters. Now, for some people, like you said it, some people are more tuned into that level of, of their self, of their being, and other people are less tuned in and that’s okay. That’s, there’s no, I don’t think that, you know, at some point in life we all will struggle with this for a lot of people. It does come out around Midlife. It’s when a lot of people start to become a little more reflective, but some of us, and that’s all of us in this room actually, um, or just kind of have more of an orientation to introspection.

Thal:

And some people want to tune in, but have palpable wounds that maybe act as an obstacle. Um, and perhaps that’s what Adrian was trying to or was hinting at. Um, maybe developmental traumas or actual traumas. I mean, we’re not gonna go into the details of that, but that, those also can be obstacles or the tools. Yes. If confronted to, to, um, like tune in to the bigger self.

Avi:

Well, because our culture doesn’t give us enough tools, there aren’t enough elders in the culture to help us understand what these wounds are when they come up. The they come up through symptoms is, is because we don’t have enough elders to guide us. They do show up, but they come up through, you know, when I mentioned panic attacks in my case or it will be something different. Most people come to therapy for one of two things. Anxiety or depression or some variation of anxiety or depression means a hyper state (anxiety) or a hypo state (depression). And most, you know, the way, um, it’s like coming back to my story, just I want to get rid of this. It’s just that helped me get rid of my wound to help me fix my wound so I can go back and become spiritual person again. Whereas from an integrated, from an integrated psychotherapy and an integrated spirituality, those symptoms are the doorways to the gods. And what I mean by that is that in, in the exploration of what we’re calling wounds. What we’re calling our symptoms is not just pain and suffering, but is a whole ocean of, of who knows what, desire, longing, yearning, heartbreak, unmet dreams, unmet potentials. And if you follow that, it’s hard to follow that. To follow that means you have to really feel it. And, but if you can stay with it, if you can, if you can follow that thread, um, entire doors that were not there will open for you. So at the end of the day, it’s not so much, okay, I fixed my wounds. Now it’s more, the wound is an invitation into living a fuller, richer, more embodied life and having richer connections with people. I think the deep longing of the times is around connection. Um, there’s a deep isolation that we’re all of us experience and um, the instinct is to fill it with stuff, just name the substance that you know, just think about your life and what substance you go to to fill your need for connection. Right? And so this approach is like an alternative to just try and fill that place inside with stuff. It’s actually looking at the raw energy itself of the desire of the need and seeing how you live in your own skin and how do you, how do you feed yourself spiritually, how do you care for your own being? And a lot of that, that’s a mystery to a lot of people. How to just self care in the sense of …

Thal:

Inner work.

Avi:

Inner work and just being kind, being kind to self. That’s a mystery from..

Thal:

Self compassion.

Avi:

Self compassion, right?

Adrian:

I think a lot of people might actually be surprised to hear this, but even as adults, you’re walking around thinking, okay, I’m a full grown adult that we’re carrying with us many parts of self, including our child selves, right? Especially the ones who are carrying the wounds if these wounds happen early in life. Um, so we are walking with all these selves all the time and I think it’s a helpful language almost to even be able to name some of this stuff and start to just begin to get some clarity in the potentially messy experience that we’re having, you know, when, when someone is overwhelmed with anxiety to realize that, you know, maybe some of it is a longing or a crying for help and it’s coming from the inner child parts. Um, would you mind sharing with us what that might look like in a therapeutic setting where people are working with their, their inner child or. Sure. Or the term, you know, we often hear is reparenting, you know, when we’re learning to reparent these wounds.

Avi:

Something that you said just now, I’m sorta just, I just want to come back for a second to the cult, to our culture itself.

Thal:

Modernity.

Avi:

Modernity. Krishnamurti, a modern philosopher from India said, it’s no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. And the reason I want to come back to that is there are people that are just more sensitive by nature and those are the people that often end up in therapy, younger. It’s all of you, all of us. And uh, you know, to be sensitive in a world that is on fire, on, in so many ways is a very challenging thing to be really awake in these times or environmental catastrophe. And crisis of meaning. It’s to really look at that, to really be open. It’s, it’s not an easy time to be an awake person and to be a sensitive person. So, um, I just want to say this because just to give people listening a compass here actually, if you’re, if you’re feeling wounded and you’re probably more healthy. So I’m being a little facetious, but what I mean by that is, um, it’s okay to. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to, um, you know, struggle. It’s actually a sign that you’re alive when you struggle.

Adrian:

I think that’s so important to highlight. I mean in a, in a culture that is I think celebrates intellect and being able to rise into the cognitive parts of being that we lose sense of like it’s talking about the sensitivity through the body, through our emotions, and although it’s painful, it might actually be a sign that you’re waking up, that your beginning …

Avi:

And that you’re and that you’re part of you is listening to what’s happening around you.

Thal:

That you’re alive!

Avi:

Yes, that you’re alive! And reacting to what you know.

Thal:

Congratulations, you’re not a robot. [laughing]

Avi:

You’re not a robot, you’re not a robot. There’s such a fear right now of being impacted of impacting each other, that, that what you do and what you say in how he, God forbid that should impact me or God forbid what I do or say should impact you. It’s like we’ve come to a point now where it’s like, it’s that absurd, right? We’re afraid of impacting each other, where that is the whole point right here. That’s the whole reason of being alive is that’s the other word to say that is relationship. I impact you and you impact me. That’s the nature of relationship and so I’m coming back to being wounded, um, you know, using that as an invitation to what’s happening around you, what’s happening inside of you and all of your relationships inner and out. And so yes, we have Adrian about your question. We have relationship with parts of ourself that are at different stages developmentally, including a younger, more, um, a younger aspects of our own history, of our own self that live in us and we are in relationship with them. Uh, whether it’s our infant, part of our nature, pre-verbal part of our nature. I’m sort of more adolescent aspect. We, we do have relationship with aspects of self and I don’t mean that in a sort of defined sort of compartmentalized way. I mean it in the sense of who we are as a tapestry. Yes, just like life. And so we’re, we’re relating to different aspects of ourselves all the time. Unconsciously. Mostly.

Thal:

It is the complexity of being a human. We are not too deep, like, you know, there, there are so many layers to our existence and speaking of that, we’d like to go into the inner teen. That’s a term that we’ve heard you mentioned before. And um, what, what, what does that mean? And um, yeah, yeah.

Adrian:

How is it different from the Child?

Thal:

Exactly.

Adrian:

Yeah. There clearly are differences when we entered teenage years and how it affects us psychologically.

Avi:

So just coming back to what we’re talking about is the collage of our inner self. There’s different parts, um, were mostly encouraged to walk around with what we call an adult. If we are in adults, assuming we’re assuming chronologically we’re in that part of our life. And that could be different things too, but the idea is to be, you know, the adult part of us is autonomous and can make decisions for ourselves and is in negotiation with life, with prioritizing what’s important. And it’s, it’s kind of, you can think of it as a muscle in your, in your mind that, uh, is discerning and that knows how to respond to situations and people. And, and, and there isn’t, I just want to say when, because it’s very easy to fall into, um, perfection. We’re not talking, I’m not talking about any kind of utopic idealized sense. It’s just you could say the part of you that the part of us that knows how to navigate our life and knows how to, um, I don’t know, what’s the word I’m looking for is that knows how to.

Thal:

I’m thinking maybe like these are like bringing up these terms are just tools for us, like you said, to help us navigate our lives. Um, and uh, it’s not an end goal and it’s not. When we talk about the inner teen does not mean, okay, that means I have to grow into the adult. Yes. It’s, these are just tools for us to navigate our growth, our path in life.

Avi:

Yeah. It’s a lens to Lens.

Thal:

Yes.

Avi:

So this lens of adult is this lens of who we think we are mostly. And um, and then what do we do with the parts of us that come up that are more at a different developmental stage, the teen, the child. And so what is the teen? Uh, you know, it’s really interesting because there isn’t a lot of, we don’t often talk about our inner teen. You hear in popular psychology in books, the inner child is like, there’s hundreds if not thousands of books written on the inner child and how to work with the inner child. And that’s an easy concept for most people. Yeah. You got to have a young kid living inside of you. The kid feels things that kids feel it just named them. If the kid is, if the kid is a happy kid, the kid feels spontaneous and joyous and wants to play. And if the kid is not happy, the kid feels ashamed. The kid feels, um, maybe self-loathing, whatever it is. But it’s a very easy concept to grasp and most people can go, “oh yeah, yeah, there’s part of me that feels very young and shy and all these things”. But when it comes to the inner teen we’re getting into the weeds, because what happens when we actually move in our actual lives, when we move from being children to being adolescents, there’s a radical change happening in our bodies and in our minds and it’s a time where so much energy has to be mobilized to make that transition from childhood to adulthood. It’s a liminal intermediary time. And so the sort of life force us to really mobilize because if biologically, if we can’t do this, we really don’t grow up psychologically. And so there’s a tremendous energy that comes through in being an adolescent and we don’t, again, coming back to the culture, we don’t have a lot of guides for adolescence. Um, you know, there’s, there’s just such a lack of mentorship around what all these changes are. And so we’re, we, we’re often taught to shut it down and anything you shut down goes on the back burner and then it will show up later. And so a lot of us adults are walking around with a very activated inner teen and this inner teen is different than the inner child is not so much about the child kind of just wants to be nurtured in a very basic, elemental level. Children need gathering, support, to be seen, to be acknowledged. It’s very much about dependence needs from a childhood developmental level, an adolescent as a very different developmental need. It’s a time where you don’t want to be coddled and sort of held in that same way. It’s actually a time of… But it’s actually not a time where you want to be left to do your own thing either. In that liminal time it’s a time of rebellion, but even in their rebellion, you want to be there. There’s an energy that teenagers… I don’t know if anyone has teenagers in their life here…they want to be met often, even in their rebellion.

Thal:

My son is a preteen, so this helps.

Avi:

Okay. Well, especially boys, a lot of, a lot of boys with their mothers. Relationship with their mothers. It’s really a time that the psychological umbilical cord is cut and so on the one side that’s “get away from me, mom” but on the other side, on the other side, it’s “don’t leave me”, right?. It’s helpful for when the teenage knows there’s a place to come back to, to check in. So it’s an interdependent time, not a time of independence and not a time of dependence. It’s an interdependent time. It’s a very tricky dance and again, because the culture is very young in the sense of what to do with these energies. For many of us, we just bury that teen at the time when it’s happening, or spin out. You can bury the energy or you can spin out and act it out. So it’s that more stereotypical, rebellious teenager that tells everyone to F off and, you know. But even that it doesn’t fulfill the deeper need there, which is, um, “what do I… What the hell do I do with all of this life force channeling through me?” There’s an inner sexuality that’s being awakened. There’s um, you know, there’s an identity that’s being shed, but the new identity hasn’t been formed yet. So many, so many things happening. And so.. Fast forward later in your life, we all have an inner teen. I was a very rebellious teenager and just did what I wanted and didn’t really care. It’s a time of risk taking. I took a lot of risks as a teenager. Like I had a lot of luck. I didn’t get into as much trouble as I could have. And not everyone’s that lucky, but you know, I find that people that have been more on the Yang side of risk taking and acting out later in their life. Like I’m in my forties now and what I’ve been confronting over the last few years is an inner teen that is more quiet and shy. And that is a really unfamiliar territory for me because I was the exact opposite. So it’s kind of as when I tune into my teen he’s often really shy and I find working with people who have had the opposite experience kind of people that say “that oh my teenage years were fine. I didn’t really have any, you know, I was kind of just an obedient, quiet, good, good girl, good boy…”

Thal:

Yeah, you’re describing me! [laughing]

Avi:

People like you are fascinating because then they come to therapy and it’s like all this, all these jars just started opening and then all the, all the unmet, you know, all that life force. And it’s like, what do I do with it? So it’s good to create a podcast.

Thal:

Thank you Adrian! [laughing]

Adrian:

Even tuning into the energy of the conversation. I feel like this, you’ve mentioned the mobilization of energy. I’m feeling it as we’re speaking to, the teens are in the room now. You know, they’re mobilized. But I’m also getting… Kind of picking up on the importance of grounding that energy. And that sounds to be the key to this work is to find a way to work with that energy, not to diminish it and not to waste it.

Avi:

Yeah. The trick is grounding without shutting down because there’s a lot of talk about grounding and grounding is great, but you have to. We just have to be careful when it comes to the teen. The teen doesn’t want to… That energy does not necessarily want to ground. This is why working with our inner teen is not so simple. The nature of therapy is containment. You come in, you sit down, you have a conversation. Teenagers are future thinking. They don’t want to talk about what happened when they were five or what or what happened…Even when there are few…. it’s a drive. It’s visionary. A visionary energy. Therapy can feel like another suffocating place for an inner teen. So yes, that energy that you’re tuning into definitely needs grounding, but it has to be a very clever kind of grounding. Otherwise it can be instructive and it can come across as just someone telling me what to do.

Adrian:

Which is the last thing a teen wants to hear.

Avi:

So how to sort of, you know, trick somebody into grounding themselves. And it’s a, it’s like I love working with people’s inner teen because I know that place really well in myself and it’s not, it doesn’t freak me out at all. I actually find it really energizing and very… As a therapist, I’m learning a lot because I often get pushed back like, you know, “I don’t want to do that” or “God, I’m so sick of this”. Or “Oh God, you know, another therapist”. I don’t. “I’m sick of talking about my mom and dad”. Great. Because for me, I have to throw out the book of what I think I’m doing and I have to create a new therapy for this person by following them. And so yes, grounding, but on the teens’ terms. That’s where it gets complicated and tricky. Yeah.

Adrian:

Yeah. And, and the word sometimes I hear people use is transmute. So we’re maybe perhaps working with that energy. So by grounding it in where they feel like you’re trying to control them, it’s probably squashing it and we’re squandering this opportunity. I’m the visionary energy. It almost sounds it can be very productive. That’s going to actually, you know, it might be disruptive as it’s appearing in their life, but perhaps with the right guidance, it can actually be turned into a very productive transformation.

Avi:

Absolutely. Absolutely. I think so. And um, it’s only as we are seeing in the culture right now, it’s only young people that are going to be the leaders, to face the evolutionary crisis that we’re in right now. The environmental crisis and the crisis of meaning. It’s really young people that are going to pave for the way forward. And we just saw it in the United States with the midterm elections that just happened. All these incredible young people being elected, um, that are visionaries and are not afraid to put bold ideas that are necessary if we’re going to meet the sort of struggle of the time. And so it’s really, we need this energy. We need the energy. And yet we have to figure out how to help people, actual real teenagers, how to hold that energy because the life force in us is not. It’s actually transpersonal in the sense that it comes through us. It’s too big to hold. And when that kind of awakening starts to happen in people, it’s scary.

Thal:

It is. And when you say the word grounding, I remember that word. I like when I first started my own therapy. I was so annoyed with that word. I’ve been in the ground like “I’m done with being in the..” you know. Yeah. So, um, so even that word, like what does it mean to ground? Yeah.

Avi:

For me, what it means is to help somebody figure out how to be in what’s inside without shutting down and spinning out. And that’s tricky. And maybe channeling is a better word than grounding. I don’t know. But working with, working with the life force energy.

Thal:

Energy.

Avi:

Yes. I mean sometimes grounding could be a matter of just speaking the truth. I don’t know if you’ve had the experience of feeling sort of incredibly grounded after you’ve spoken the truth.

Thal:

Yes. Yes. It’s actually part of my journey to, um, uh, you know, express and, and heal that the parts that have been silenced or repressed at a younger age.

Avi:

Yeah. For anyone that wants some reading on the inner teen. There is one good book. There aren’t many books on the inner teen, but there’s a book called Brainstorm by, I believe it’s Daniel Siegal. The book is called Brainstorm and it’s all about the inner teen, but also it’s written for teenagers. I think it’s one of the better books on what this whole wild phase is or transitional phase is all about. And it’s a very practical book. So it would be a good one for your son.

Thal:

Oh, absolutely. And we’re going to look into it. Um, I also want to bring up age and also the word that’s coming up for me is shame. That people might feel like, wait, “I’m an inner teen inside?” And feel shame. There’s that. And then there’s age where, yeah, well there is biological age. There is psychological age, emotional age. Perhaps even spiritual age. So yeah, these are things to put into perspective and think about.

Avi:

If the energy of shame is coming up around the inner teen, that’s a really good clue that shame has happened.

Thal:

Oh, absolutely [laughing].

Avi:

So it’s not a coincidence. If you’re listening to this podcast and when you imagine inner teen, you’re going “ugh”, that’s a clue for you as to… Probably something in your own psyche. It’s really more about, you know, so that would be an invitation for somebody who does feel shame because not everybody does get shamed at this time of their life.

Thal:

And to be okay with it and work with it to have self- compassion.

Avi:

Well shame has two faces, right? There’s the healthy aspect of shame, which is a teenager needs to learn. They are limits. They’re are finite… there are limits to what you can do with time and energy and you can’t just, you want to go future, but you can’t conquer the world. There are limits to what you can physically do. And that’s healthy. It’s kinda good to know. Okay, and if I, you know, I’m just go and do what I want. It will have impact. It might have negative impact and I need to know what my impact is. So shame has a good side, but where a lot of us have been mentored in is the toxic side of shame. Where it’s about an identity. Shame becomes an identity and it’s not about teaching limits, but it’s about the whole sense of “you’re wrong”. You’re wrong for feeling what you’re feeling. You’re wrong for doing that or thinking that. If we live in a family unit where the emotions, the life force is not allowed to flow and our parents didn’t know how to ground and channel that energy in themselves then all of a sudden it’s coming up in us, we will be shamed on some level. And shame doesn’t have to look like scolding. It can look like just being ignored.

Thal:

It’s a feeling in the body too.

Avi:

Feeling in the body but just being ignored or being, you know, that could that deeply, that can be deeply shaming. So when shame turns into an identity, that’s the work then to work with shame.

Thal:

And from my own personal experience and experiences of like friends around me that shame actually causes a lot of stuckness in life. And, and you know, that question of what’s wrong with me? Why am I like this? It becomes a loop in the mind. And um, you know, all I think about is more compassion, more forgiveness towards self.

Avi:

You know, the first step with shame is an not necessarily compassion because they’re just wishing there isn’t compassion. The nature of shame is almost itself punitive, right? It’s the first nature. The first sort of thing to do with shame is to externalize it, to speak it, to have someone witness cause shame lives in hiding places. It’s that thing of I’m defective. “Something is wrong with me” and “I have to keep that a secret”. “No one can know that I’m flawed”, so I need to, I need to hide. I need to shut down. And when you start speaking it like I feel unworthy. That is the first step in the direction of healing shame. And um, later it’s really about going into the feelings around it and doing the deep feeling work. Um, but you know, the self-compassion will come later.

Thal:

I was skipping ahead. [laughing]

Avi:

Well, and that’s the thing is, you know, oftentimes people will get shamed in about being ashamed. Why are you so hard on yourself? You’re such a sweet, sweet person. What? Come on.

Thal:

I’ve actually heard that many times. [laughing]

Avi:

“Just be nice to yourself”. And if it was that easy we would all do it and it’s um, it often isn’t helpful to, to, um, to just let someone know that, you know, they should be different. So yeah.

Adrian:

I think that’s so important. Just you talked about… Like we need the courage, we need the courage to begin sharing, you know, and the healing that begins when you start to allow these inner things to come out into the open. I mean just personally this project of doing this podcast has been incredibly challenging because our own shits coming up all the time. We are stepping into a new territory or being exposed feeling more naked than ever. And so yes, like we are seeing it firsthand, you know, our own stuff is mixed in with this creative project and so we’re not just talking about it, you know, as some sort of a theoretical thing. It’s live.

Avi:

I can feel it through the whole…. I can feel a sort of an energy as we’re trudging along that is multilayered and has different aspects and feels strange at moments. And inspiring. There is a real energy here. So you guys are cooking whatever it is that you’re doing. You’re really in something here. And what I love is that you’ve decided to not be perfect in it and not try to get it right. It’s like, let it be messy. That’s great. Forget your perfect offering. Have you heard that? It’s a that Leonard Cohen Song, forget your perfect offering. And the next line is there is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in. So it’s, it’s your humanity that will probably make this unique.

Thal:

And you know, and I just want to also highlight that this is a universal human experience. I was brought up in a different culture that’s a little bit more collectivist and a lot of, you know, my individuality or individuality in general is usually squashed. And um, but then half of my, more than half of my life, I’ve been living here in Canada and I’m noticing that, wait, even here the same problems. It’s literally exactly the same problems that I’ve encountered as a teenager in the Middle East, people encounter here and personally, for me, I just don’t see the difference. Obviously context is different, but the essence of our human experience, our human pain, our wounds, shame, guilt, all those things are similar.

Avi:

I agree. Yeah. And I think Toronto is a unique place to be doing healing work in 2019, but we are. This is the social experiment. Toronto is a social experiment and it’s by no means, um, you know, a perfect microcosm of a global village. But it is, in my experience as a traveler, one of the better models we have in the world. I really …that the consciousness now is that we are, we’re all in this together. No matter where you’ve grown up, it’s, we have to figure out how to be with each other. And I think Toronto is a really good place to be doing healing work at this moment of history. A: we have the luxury of not having physical wars here at this moment and B, there is a consciousness in the city. I think if you’re tuning in, there is an openness to, to, to kind of stepping into the new. So I feel lucky to be here at this moment.

Adrian:

Yeah, we just had a conversation a few days ago with, with Andrew Harvey and he talked about we’re going through a birthing experience collectively and it’s a birthing of a new human that he was sort of referring to and it’s, we don’t know what it’s going to be. That’s part of the surprise, the mystery and we’ve been going through this, you know, on this planet time and time again, you know, there was a period where most species were underwater and we were a bunch of fish swimming around and at some point that the water got so polluted that some fish had to take the risk to go into the unknown. And some of them ended up on the shore, on the sizzling shore, in air without the proper, you know, gear to, to survive. And yet some of them did and that created the new birthing of an evolutionary transition and it’s such a beautiful metaphor because I feel like this is kind of what we’re referring to you right now, you know, with this collective, a yearning for meaning and people try new things and pushing the boundary that we’re about to see an emergence of perhaps many versions of a new human being or new ways of being.

Avi:

No matter what you feel about the times right now, whether you’re more cynical, “we’re all gonna go to hell in a hand basket” type person or, or more of the, “Oh, you know, we can, we can save our planet” type person, wherever you fall in that spectrum. And we’re all on that spectrum somewhere. And it might change every day for you. Um, these, these are fascinating times to be alive. Forget about what might happen. It’s just a pure wow, we get to be alive in this… What are we in? It’s like, what? What is this chaos that we’re in? Yes. It’s interesting.

Thal:

Absolutely.

Adrian:

There’s never a dull moment.

Avi:

It’s not dull. It’s not dull. Sometimes we, I think we’ve, a lot of us sometimes the wish for the volume to get turned down just a little bit, especially in the last few years with on so many levels, but I think coming back to what Andrew Harvey was saying, the volumes not going down if anything, the volume is going up and um, we’re gonna have to find ways… And this connects to the inner teen. We’re going to have to find ways to stay present with each other and with the crisis that we’re in a evolutionary crisis that we’re in. Um, we’re going to have to find clever ways to stay present because you know, it, it’s just too easy to dissociate. Right now [laughing].

Thal:

And mental health is at the forefront because of those reasons. And we’re learning now that mental health is just not just the brain or just the cognitive side of things and that there is more to mental health. Then just, um, then just that. Yeah.

Avi:

I agree 100 percent. Yeah. Yeah. We’re going to have to find a new model of mental health. I think too, that goes beyond…

Thal:

Everybody should go to therapy [laughing].

Avi:

Whatever your therapy is, I just want to say, psychotherapy is a method. And honestly it’s worked for me and that’s what I do with my life. It’s, you guys are all here because it’s working or has worked in some way for you. If somebody comes in and it’s just, you know, for people listening, you try it out. If it’s not your bliss, if it’s not your path, find another method. There’s really, there’s, there’s so many other ways in. What I, what I really do like about therapy, a good integrative therapy is non prescriptive and so it’s the hunger of the times, uh, to, to not be so regimented and not be so “okay I just need to improve”.

Thal:

Yes, one solution-oriented. Right. And that’s important. Because I’ve like, again, I’ve had people come and ask me, “Oh, so then what? We all need therapy?” And that’s why I made that joke. Therapy is just a tool inwards, like you said, there are many different tools and if it means that you seek a therapist world for a little bit in your life, then so be it. And if, I don’t know, if you decide to start dancing, then so be it. [laughing]

Avi:

I think. Yeah, you’re speaking of therapy is not so much like a session but just, you know, therapy in the sense of, the true meaning of therapy, which is the word therapy comes from a Greek word Tartarus. Tartarus is the underworld in the Greek mythological lens and the underworld is where you go to, um, find yourself in a deeper way and it’s where you go under your body under, down. And so we, yeah, we all need therapy in that sense of I’m tuning in, connecting to, to ourself into the larger sphere. Absolutely.

Thal:

Yeah.

Adrian:

Avi, thank you so much for your time and happy suffering. [laughing]

Thal:

Yeah, thank you. Thank you Avi and may we, you know, conquer our fears and shame and whatever it is that we need to do to become attuned with our inner selves. Thank you, Avi.

Avi:

My pleasure. That hour went really fast.

#11: Living Your Personal Myth with Jean Shinoda Bolen

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” – Mary Oliver

On this episode, we have a conversation with Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D., a psychiatrist, Jungian analyst and an internationally known author and speaker. Jean is a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, a former clinical professor of psychiatry at Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute at the University of California Medical Center. She has been a board member of the Ms. Foundation for Women, the International Transpersonal Association, and the C.G. Jung Institute of San Francisco. She is the author of thirteen books in over ninety foreign editions.  She is an NGO Permanent Representative of the Women’s World Summit Foundation to the UN. She is in three acclaimed documentaries: the Academy-Award winning anti-nuclear proliferation film “Women – For America, For the World,” the Canadian Film Board’s “Goddess Remembered,” and “Femme: Women Healing the World.

Highlights:

  • Finding Purpose in the Second Half of Life
  • Archetypes in Every Person
  • How Children Carry the Un-lived Parts of Their Parents

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired By this Episode

Full Transcript

Adrian:

Wonderful. I’m so glad this worked out.

Thal:

How are you?

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

I’m good. I emailed you, I didn’t know if you had a chance to read that. I realized that I was saying more in it than the questions I asked you on the phone.

Adrian:

I just had a read. Um with Mary Oliver and also a little thing of Lao Tzu. Yeah. Very nice.

Thal:

Oh she’s one of my favorite poets. Um, her passing away was a, um, it was like big news for me two weeks ago.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

It was like losing a friend.

Thal:

Aw. Yeah. She helped me through some very dark times.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

There’s, there’s the nature part of what she writes about, but then at the end of several of her poems, she just says something so wise.

Thal:

Yes.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

So are we being recorded as is right now or what? What do we do? Please help.

Adrian:

So we are officially recording, but we, we can officially welcome you to the show. So thank you for coming onto our podcast.

Thal:

Thank you.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Well, it’s an adventure always to have a potential depth conversation with people who are interested in such things. And I never know where the conversation will go. And I often feel it in such conversations, words come out that have never been, never come out before and link things together. So there’s an energy field between people. Uh, I know in my office as a Jungian analyst, the geometry of the space, it’s like two equal chairs and, and in between. And the invisible in-between is really the larger self or our soul. It’s a Soul space essentially. And, and a creative space because again, it’s just, it’s a conversation between two people, but it’s different than what you and I are doing because what I do in my office is the other person provides the information and the dreams and the thoughts and the angst and the losses and, and I receive and comment and back and forth. So I’m hoping that out of this intriguing sounding, program that you have, Soulspace. I actually responded to that. I thought oh, I know about different varieties of Soul space. Let’s see where this conversation takes us.

Adrian:

Well it’s a real honor. I, you know, when I, when I reached out on email, I didn’t know, you know, how busy you might be and whether you’d agree to come on. So this is a real honor for both of us to have this conversation with you.

Thal:

Thank you. Yeah.

Adrian:

maybe, um, I’m thinking actually right now what I would love to, to hear from you is actually how your journey began. I’m really curious what you were like as a young girl and how that evolved into, um, just early in your career and how your path brought you towards the work that you’ve done, the books that you’ve written and, and your current life. So it just the early experiences and um, I know it might be difficult to kind of condense the story, but I’d love to hear some of that.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Well some of that it comes to me quite easily because I had been working on a memoir based book, which means I’ve thought about some of these questions that you raised. And my ancestry is Japanese American. Both of my parents are born in the United States of Japanese ancestry. So when World War 2 broke out, every person of Japanese ancestry on the west coast was to be rounded up and put into relocation camps or concentration camps. I had a very, uh, I had very good parents, uh, who knew something about making choices and, and gut and take going on paths that needed to be go going on in my, and my father and mother then worked to get us out of the state of California ahead of the martial law that Japanese Americans came under. And consequently, I didn’t, I wasn’t put in a concentration camp. They are referred to that. They were called relocation camps. Basically. They were camps in the desert with uh, armed guards and, and, uh, uh, hastily built tar and wood and paper barracks, really. So instead I left the state and we went to New York to Kew Gardens to Grand Junction, Colorado, to, to Blackfoot, Idaho, to Denver, uh, during the war years and returned back to California as soon as it was possible to come back. And that meant the war was over. Well, what has this done on many different levels is that one becomes as, as you might be as apparently Asians of… in Canada, you, and yet there’s this place of being, of the words I came across in my time in becoming a psychiatrist, somewhere along the line is the idea of positive marginality that you can, you can be with other people who are not like you and yet you’re not marginalized in the negative way. Because I was this upbeat kid, always. I was. I came in privileged to be loved and privileged to, well, just come in maybe with a sunny disposition. So I became in, in going from elementary school to elementary school during the war years, uh, I was accepted and yet, I was different. And so the consequences is that you kind of be in the space of, of positive marginality, which you then are able to see much more clearly because you don’t just drop into being unconscious with everybody. You actually are aware that you are different and yet it’s perfectly acceptable and the differences help you to make your way and to appreciate what acts on you and what is in you. And actually that’s a way into describing something about why I would have the vision I have of thattThere are archetypes in us, there are like talents are, I mean they are, they vary in strength and they act through us whether we know it or not. And if they are acceptable then we blossom. But what if what you have in you is an archetype that is not welcomed in your particular family or culture. Then you have… You’re caught between two. We all are between two, the archetypes in us and the projections and expectations on us. And essentially what the work of depth analysis is, is to find out from what the dreams are saying from what your life has taught you so far something about who you really are. And that combination of who you are inside and what you were expected to be outside. Being the conflicts that created growth experiences or real difficulties.

Thal:

It’s very interesting when you mentioned positive marginality. Um, I mean I am someone that comes from different backgrounds, um, African, Middle Eastern, Muslim, and I’ve been going through my own Jungian analysis the past two years and I’ve been thinking about those things and, and reading your books and just thinking about Jungian analysis and how it can also help people who are marginalized, but that there are not a lot of people that have explored that path that are from my background. So just listening to you, so reaffirming. Thank you.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

You’re welcome.

Thal:

Yeah

Adrian:

I have to ask you, so which archetypes for you were emerging that maybe didn’t play nicely with the surroundings when you were growing up? You talked about possible friction or conflict. Where there any that come to mind?

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Well the archetype that has been my strongest one is Artemis. Artemis is the Goddess with a bow and arrow and the moon. I mean, she’s the Goddess of the hunt and Goddess of the moon. And she is really the Goddess of Sisterhood. Um, she’s the only Goddess that all of her mythologies has a great deal to do with what the women’s movement is up to really because she looked after young girls, um, and during the time that they were under the protection of Artemis, they could, they could be free like an Artemis girl. They could, they didn’t conform to, um, early marriage and things for that one year that they were under her protection after which they were had to live up to conformity and all of that. But Artemis is the kid who starts out with this innate, uh, watching say boys allowed to do things that girls cannot do. The Artemis puts her hands on her hips, so to speak, at four years old and says, “that’s not fair!” There’s a sense of equality, there’s a sense of competency that is pretty innate. And in an Artemis person who also likes to go off the beaten path and has an innate sense of, of nature. Um, I was realizing my privilege, it is to appreciate nature. I was just in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and every time I go there, I think I should come here more often because it’s, there’s something of nature there. The sky, the vastness of the sky and the quality of the air and the panoramic views that art for me, it’s a soul energy field as where I live. I’m talking to you right now and let’s see now at over the Bay, I live on the south side of Mount Tamalpais in north of the Golden Gate Bridge and, and it’s beautiful. And there’s something about the archetypes that respond to beauty, and this is another one. This is Aphrodite who is mostly known for being the Goddess of love and beauty in ancient classical mythology. But like as patriarchy got more and more, um, judgemental about women and women’s sexuality, she got to be, she went from what was considered, uh, she was considered awesome and revered. Now you don’t usually think of Aphrodite as revered but in ancient days she was, and, and as Goddess of love and beauty, it was not just sensuality of the body, but it was appreciation of the sensuality of the world really in general. Moved by beauty. Not everybody is moved by beauty, but if you have the archetype in you, you are, and what happens with an archetype is you drop deeper into your soul space. That’s what the archetype does. Otherwise, you, you live, in Jungian terms, the persona. The face you wear for the world. And that is what needs to be acceptable to many families and cultures. Can you wear a persona that works? Well, I was able to do that. Um, I, I didn’t come up against, well, I was well brought up so I behaved myself. So it, and it didn’t innately just, uh, live from my archetype. There’s some people might and might get in for trouble with it as well. So archetypes in us, are patterns, like every talent is a human talent. Not Everybody has the same amount of artistic talent or, or mechanical talent or athletic talent. They vary their gifts. So I think of archetypes as basically as similar to the gifts that we come into and we either have an opportunity to develop them or we don’t depending on the possibilities of their main culture.

Thal:

Um, I think this is very important for us to understand as we had approached you where I’m coming from this new generation and there’s a lot of clashes that are coming up everywhere. So you talking about the role of myths and archetypes and helping us to drop in deeper and understanding ourselves better. I mean, even considering all the, um, the current resurgence in feminism and a lot of, um, sort of reactionary behavior, which a lot of it is also coming out of wounds that have not been, um, like not understood or not addressed. So, um, so how do you, how can we integrate mythology back into our lives? Um, in our current times?

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

The archetypes, uh, are patterns, human patterns in us. They conform to mythology in many ways, but they exist without us knowing any mythology whatsoever. It’s what you know deeply in yourself that’s true for you and such things as what are you doing when you lose track of time? What are you involved in when you are so absorbed in whatever it is that it seems like three hours have passed like 20 minutes or 20 minutes has dropped you into a timeless zone. I mean, there’s something about only the person who lives in you can know what truly deeply feed your spirit. Uh, what is a soul space? And they are related to the archetypes and the sense in Jungian psychology is first if there is that persona, uh, that many mothers are, are especially concerned about that our kids, their kids go out in the world and are well brought up and acceptable, et Cetera, which helps the child to navigate the early world. But persona is the layer in its, it’s the, in theater, there used to be in ancient Greece, the smiling face and the frowning face representing the faces of the …. And they used to put on masks and go onto the stage. A persona is a mask of sorts. And if you, if you have a persona that really reflects you, then what you inside and the mask is not mask like, but if you have to conform to a culture or family that expect certain things of you, no matter what, then you create a persona that is not exactly who you are. And the more you identify with a persona, the more distant you get from what you are inside. So there’s persona, then there’s ego and that’s the part of us that that makes choices and speaks from the word I. And then there’s the deeper level of the archetypes, which, and these, especially the archetype that has to do with, with um, spirit or soul, or what Jung call the archetype of the self. See human beings do seem to have an affinity … an affinity for divinity essentially, that there is something in the human being that has worshiped forever as far as back as we can see images on in caves from thousands of years ago. I was just learning a bit about Mot, the ancient Egyptian goddess. And uh, you know, they go back thousands of years before the, the Greek gods goddesses. And it seems as if human beings have had a sense of awe and then from that, worship and then they’d been, the question about you, whatever it is, it is, divinity is so much broader than a human mind can wrap around that, that somebody will have a genuine experience of divinity and then thinks that that experience is the experience. And then if it’s a powerful male running something or other, you have a patriarchal religion that says this is what God is. And, and one of the interesting things about words and all is that when you own the words, someone can have a experience of divinity and not consider that it was until much, much later because when they were growing up, God was defined as this and the idea even of goddess, that there’s a feminine aspect of divinity, not in many religions. So what do you do with the experience that you have inside when the world outside has no words for it? One of the things is the more you have words for something, the more you can feel it growing in you and I had um, my own life trajectory has a lot to do with, with coming in touch with a sense of, of whatever God is and feeling, uh, the mystery of it. I mean, interestingly the word mystery, it comes from the word mystes, which in ancient Greece was the word of the initiates, the initiates who entered the Eleusinian mysteries and had a sense of, of, of a goddess actually then no longer feared death. And that is one of the things that actually does seem to happen to people, especially as they grow older and connect with soul inside in a sense of divinity out. That it doesn’t seem to be well okay, well there’s something on the other side that there, and this is the basis of all religions. Mostly all religions… And so each of us has accessibility to this. We don’t need a particular gatekeeper, which mostly most of the religions seem to feel and insist that they are the gatekeepers. They are the only way to the truth when built into each of us is our own ability to experience depth and soul and love for example. Um, I remember when when explaining things to little children. How do you explain God? Well, how is it that they know the word love? If you say God is love, oh that seems to be much more easy to grasp and yet that is just as difficult to describe to someone who doesn’t know it as it would be to describe God.

Adrian:

Yeah, that was beautiful. A lot of things come to mind when you were just saying that, um, I think it was Michael Meade where I heard him talk about the pathless path and how at some point we have to drop whatever maps that were helpful initially and go on her own individual quest. Um, what would you offer as guidance perhaps for a lot of young seekers who are maybe self initiated, you know, finding themselves in times of transition and kind of confused and overwhelmed. Um, to be honest with, with the information overload that we have with the Internet and access to, you know, as much knowledge as we want. How do we, how do we receive guidance and, and make sure that we’re discerning. You know, I think discernment is part of that question too.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

The Greeks had two words for knowledge, logos, meaning the mental apparatus, the intelligence and gnosis spelled with a g, like the Gnosis, but pronounced gnosis and knows this is what you know in your bones. So what to know at the soul level which is some kind of inner certainty or inner compass that says, oh, I feel at home here. I trust this person. And often we need to find some blessed solitude, actually, that’s how you kind of find your way. And one of the things about current culture is a bombardment of emails and there’s hardly any time unless you choose it to be by yourself or by yourself in nature. Um, and conversations. Who is it that you’re comfortable with without words? Um, where do you go to find peace? Where is your soul space? Now those are, that’s a gnosis thing. The intelligent mind, well, you know, can give you options and things, but only when you get to a place that feels safe, home, peaceful and then you stay in it. I didn’t do it. Meditation helps people who otherwise wouldn’t even create a space, but it’s also very natural for us, unless we have some heavy judgment in our head. And then the idea of concentrated meditation often allows a person to be in a space without the critic or the judge or the whatever that that makes internal comfort difficult. So there’s gnosis, trusting what we know in our bones about, about what really matters.

Thal:

This is definitely an important reminder. It’s like tuning into our internal compass to, to guide us.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

That’s true. And the poetic side of us is the gnosis side, by the way. Left brain right brain. Left brain knows a lot and it has details then it, and it… but it’s poetry that speaks to what we know inside, at a soul level. And so when, when I heard that Mary Oliver had died, it did really feel that I had another friend who died. Now, I’d seen her in person in San Francisco when she first made her first trip out of her life at Massachusetts in the, she read some other poetry and she was interviewed on stage. So I did have a sense of her in person, but mainly I knew her through her poems. And, and every once in a while there are words that come from her poetry that just is such soul knowledge. Um, there was one poem in which she wrote, and I may be paraphrasing cause I didn’t set out to memorize your poems. It’s more that they sort of sunk in. And so I can have access to some of the lines. It really has meant something to me. But one that said, you do not have to be good. You do not have to walk through the desert for a hundred miles panting, you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Now… What is that? What is that trusting…knowing…not confused part of us that we came into this world with and we got it diverted by so many dysfunctional families and dysfunctional cultures and especially for boys or is more than girls are trained to not be vulnerable. Girls, we make friendships through our vulnerability and from sharing things. Boys don’t. And so they’re much more apt to be cut off from the poetic side of their souls, or if they’re smart enough, they know to keep it sacred and not share it because somebody will belittle them, or will make fun of them. So they learned something who and with whom can they share their soul space? And often it is with a woman or if it’s a gay man with finally meeting another who has a soul space, as much as, as his own. So there, there is that. And then, then I’m remembering, uh, in one of my books, uh, Crossing to Avalon, I have a poem by Mary Oliver written, right, the whole poem is right in the middle of it. And it’s the one that is called The Journey. And it begins one day you finally knew what you had to do and began. That is when you start your individuation journey, when you listen to the inner compass. And I’m remembering also a quote from a man who rose to the top of, uh, his corporate work, he became head of Newsweek when Newsweek was very popular. And he wrote a line that said, he talked about the ladder that he climbed to the top and he got to the top of the ladder. He was made editor and chief of Newsweek and he said, I found the ladder had been put up against the wrong wall.

Thal:

Hmm.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Because climbing a ladder is sort of like going on a journey and, and then, uh, there is the end of the poem in Blackwater Woods in which Mary Oliver says, to live in this world, you must learn to do three things: to love what is more mortal. So hold it against your bones as if your life depends upon it. And when it comes time to let it go, to let it go. That is real depth, soul and psychological wisdom. And, and uh, what I have been doing workshops, um, past couple of years, I haven’t, not on my schedule right now, but I took a line from a poem called A Summer Day in which she ends up saying, doesn’t everything die at last and too soon? Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? And I’ve taken the phrase “your one wild and precious life” as a way describe to describe, you know, being on your soul path. Individuating. Living the life you were meant to live. Um, as, as uh, with “wild” being what you came in with. I mean, uh, uh, wild is, is like a forest of virgin forest. Nobody has logged it. Why are these your natural instinctual itself? And so when you are in your second half of life, especially when you’ve lived the life that you were supposed to live and either succeeded at it or failed at it, I don’t know. But in the second half of life is when you start to wonder what really matters to you and will you have the courage to follow your heart. And courage comes from the word cor, meaning heart. And that goes back to what was innately you. That’s the wild part. What will you do with your one wild or you could say archetypal that would fit too, your one archetypal wild and precious. Precious is something you also have to really value that, that who you are and the energy you have and the time you have and the words you use. This is, this is all you have. Time goes by so fast. She, you really get to know it. As you get older, it’s zip! And you get to where you wonder, how did I get this old so fast? That happens through where I am right now. How did I get to be this old? Let’s see, I was born in 1936, so I’m, um, I’m 80… um I don’t like that. [laugh]

Thal:

[laugh]

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

So, so and yet there’s a perspective on this.

Thal:

Hmm. It’s just amazing listening to you, you know, um, you’ve, you’ve led such a soulful life, so it’s so inspiring for us. Um, just listen, listening to you talk. Um, but you bringing up poetry is so important because, I’ve always felt that there was a poet in all of us. And um, when I was younger I started writing poetry. I published some poetry, but then I started the path of the academic path. And I, um, uh, I have a degree in English literature, my masters and I found that sort of the academy like academic path moved me away from my soul writing and now path of yeah. And, and now that I’m in my, um, hopefully individuating and in the path of healing, I’m going back to poetry and hopefully integrating that side of myself.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

When you listen to this or I do as an analyst to someone telling me something that is deeply meaningful and food are there and they have a vocabulary such as you would have with your academic background, what comes out is like poetry because it’s so true. And uh, in it unedited, we all tend to edit our stories as we tell someone else. But when you’re in analysis and you reach a deep place and you’re talking from your soul level about how awful it was or how deep it was or what the loss was like, it is like listening to a poet. Now I need to wait and stop for a moment because it says low battery. Okay. I need to go get a plug.

Thal:

Sure. No problem. No problem.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Okay. It’s good now. I didn’t think it would run out of juice, but it, you know, did.

Adrian:

That’s okay. That’s a good catch. Maybe it’s just the charge that we’re… Coming through our conversation. Jean, you talked about young boys. I mean, I can’t help it, you know, I was listening to you carefully there y’re about growing up in, in modern society and how we’re often encouraged not to be in our bodies, you know, the feeling body and be receptive to this poetic language. Um, and so for me, this is a very new territory. You know, it just within the last year, maybe two years to really explore, um, the essential aspects of being, you know, dropping out of my mind and the intellect, but not to demonize it. Right. Recognizing that’s been a gift along the way. Um, I love to hear you talk about the embodied spirituality. I mean, we, the new age movement has, has brought, you know, lots of different versions of spiritual life. And I feel like there’s something very important about highlighting the embodied spiritual path.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Well we get to be so out of touch with depth of body and the depth of body being not only having feelings but like the heart is usually considered in the body. Certainly and yet there is the heart chakra or the heart center, which is in the same general area as the physical heart. But the more you understand and feel in your body, what that Heart Chakra is responding to, you learn something about what really matters to you and you’re move by it and over years what happens is you either constrict it and lose touch with what is meaningful to you or you find it being like a receiver that grows over time, that becomes larger because you are, you can love more, you can feel more, you can, you can have a sense of connection with more that is. So those are the, those are, that’s an embodied part of us. But when you go out into the world as a little girl or little boy and you’re, especially if your family expects you to be an of themselves and not who you are, that’s where things really get into difficulties. Because if you are supposed to be living out the unlived part of a parent or to be socially acceptable because it’s a tight issue for them, then as you go out into the world you need to conform to be that person. And if you’re a little girl or little boy, it’s like there are certain qualities that that if you’re an extension of some hope for… if you’re a cute little girl, then that may be really emphasized. Or if you’re a bright little boy, that might be really emphasized. Um, and then you enter a culture of school and school is interesting because when you go into kindergarten or first grade and there is a difference between the school yard and inside the school room. And especially for the little boys, the bigger boys that are a year or two years ahead of you are bigger and stronger and they have… especially if they’ve come from homes in which they have been bullied, what kids do, boy, kids especially is they turn around and they identify with the aggressor at home by beating up on little boys who they can beat up on. And so a little boy with some sense of what you need to do to manage on the school yard learns about you go along to get along.

Thal:

Hmm.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

And so that’s why you have like boys watching the bully picking on a kid and nobody speaks up because you don’t want to be identified with the kid is being made fun of. And you just might, you know, and this, this pattern is actually is sort of, it was difficult to sort of call that patriarchy, but it is, it’s exactly the same as a later on. I mean, I saw the movie Vice recently, about Dick Cheney and the kinds of things that went along in Washington DC and it was like bullies beating up on weaker people. And the culture of the school yard begins that story where the boy learns to go along to get along to not challenge authority. And what happens is if they didn’t have, if a little boy kept saying things that were not welcomed. He often feels a lack of worth as he grows up too. And one of the things that little boys seem to have, um, difficulty with is saying the truth about how they really feel about something. Fortunately, often they can do that at home. Uh, with some families, uh, they also, if they can have a good friend, I think it’s very hard to be kind of just one of the kids without a really good friend going through elementary school for girls as well. And yet, you know, it is through… The question is, if you have suffered as a child and nobody gets through life without suffering, you’ll get your, your share of suffering all along the way. But what, what you do, will it grow you? Will it grow you to have more compassion for other people and for yourself or do you deny it and want to disidentify with anybody who is suffering something that you suffered from in the past?

Thal:

Yeah. All that you’re saying is so deep. It’s resonating deeply within us really. Um, and you talk about the young boy and the young girl, um, I realized that part of my healing is to heal the feminine within me, but it’s also to heal the masculine. Um, I know that it’s very, it’s using dualistic language when I say feminine and Masculine, but the truth is, um, they’re inseparable to heal the feminine is to heal the masculine and to heal the masculine is to heal the feminine. I mean,f I would love to hear what you think about that.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

There’s an interesting concept in near here in psychology about the tension of opposites. That the reason for often describing masculine and feminine as being separate and different is to be able to kind of label qualities. People, human beings seem to like to label things, but they’re all part of the continuum of being a human person essentially. So what is allowed on that big continuum? And uh, what Jung described as masculine and feminine in the unconscious, he called Anima and Animus. Uh when like when you’re a girl who, uh, girls these days are able to become whole people much easier than boys, at least in the United States for North America where education is so important and competition. I remember when my daughter went out for soccer at eight years old, you know, that’s a different … Teaching a little girl how to play soccer, play as a team member like competitively she is learning something, about physicality about teamwork and about the will to win, which is usually considered animus or male side. And, and um, education itself develops the whole right brain, left brain. And the more she goes up the the education ladder and in develops that side of herself and get some authority through that, the more she is, it isn’t her like, like there’s a place where you think “hey listen it isn’t my animus that’s doing the thinking. I am thinking clearly myself!” because you, you understand what the animus is when it takes you over, when is not who you are, when you are being defensive or something and, and you get out of relationship with the person you’re talking to because you really had been, there’s been stimulated. So then you are in your animus. I could recognize… I used to recognize and recognizing don’t do it as much when I’m in my animus versus when I’m just being me thinking clearly even though that is not probably my primary, uh, uh, I think I’m more feeling type than a thinking type, but the thinking type really get’s educated along the way. You cannot go through all the education I’ve had without really doing justice with the thinking type. And then that had happened then it happens to be who you become rather than some autonomous part of you taking over. That’s one of the things that are of value, to have an understanding of a concept that you could actually watch happen in yourself rather than watch happening in somebody else. But you can see it happening in someone else when they’re centered, when you’re centered and when something prods another part of you to come out and you behave in such a way that if you, fortunately have enough observing ego that you realize it’s happened at least afterwards, you can learn to change how you are behaving because you don’t happen to like that way of behaving.

Thal:

Thank you. That’s amazing. Um, I, I’m starting to slowly recognize when my animus is triggered. It’s pretty ugly. [laugh]

Adrian:

You mentioned, um, for females it might actually be easier in today’s society to be more whole. Um, can you expand on that a little bit? I’m actually curious, so, um, how, how is it possibly more challenging for males growing up in patriarchy type of a culture?

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

It’s because of the issues of power. And it being part of a culture. Um, I mean basically though the women’s movement and the education of women have made many parts of the world much more egalitarian in what a woman can aspire to and accomplish. This is fairly new and new on the other side that the gender with power, it has been men and so that’s been patriarchal. Well patriarchy is hierarchical and it’s a a sense of dominance. Who you have power over. It means that if you’re young and new at any of this and a guy, if there’s any part of you that is what has been suppressed in somebody higher up and you are showing what he sacrificed or judged badly and squashed in himself, he’s going to squash it in you too. And so the diversity within a person gets acted on by the family who can’t look at it and only likes certain qualities and culture says, you know if you, if you meet the stereotype, if you’re a boy who is naturally aggressive, who is extroverted, like this is an extrovert culture. So if you introduce a new ball or a game to five year old, six year old, eight year old little boys, it’s the extroverted kid who goes right in, wants to learn about it and the introverted boy. So he’s on the sidelines and watches and, and he’s nudged, he said, oh, what’s the matter with you? Why don’t you go in and play? His natural tendency and for the girl too is “I want to see what the rules are. I want to understand the game and I also want to figure it out by watching whether I want to even play the game.” But that is not acceptable in an extroverted culture when if you are there, if you wave your hand, “I’ll play, I’ll play, I’ll play!” and you go in and you play well and most of the games are pretty competitive and you do well then you really are a solid guy who’s gotten a lot of accolades for being an aggressive little guy and then the quiet guy who was taking it in and all doesn’t really see it. It’s like “what’s the matter? Are you shy?” Being shy is not a very positive word and yet the introvert has to be able to have some time out and time in in order to develop that side. So that’s some of the ideas of…

Thal:

it’s interesting when you, when you talk about the, you know, extroverted, introverted, and again, going back to the young boy and the young girl, I know I was brought up in a very patriarchal culture in the Middle East in the 80s. And I used to love to play soccer and I got into so much trouble because of that. And now that I’m a mom and my son is, I have a son, I tried to get him into soccer, but he just didn’t like it. He really refused and I kept trying for a good three years and he just does not like it. So..

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Well you’re starting early to, to realize that, that what, what parents seem to want to do is to have their child be able to do those things.

Thal: Yes, absolutely.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

It was a child and you’ve got a who has a sense of himself.

Thal:

Exactly. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. What you had mentioned earlier too, the whole unlived life is really what started my inner journey and reading… Um, uh, I think it’s, I can’t remember his name, but reading a book on, on the shadow and parents carrying the unlived life and the children carrying that weight, um, really woke me up. Um, so… I don’t even know if I have a question around that, but you know, just hearing your thoughts is amazing. Really.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Yeah. The writing side of my life. Uh, yeah. Well they actually began with the Tao of Psychology: Synchronicity and the Self, but the book after that called Goddesses in Everywoman and Gods in Everyman that followed were the ones that made it possible for somebody to read about and relate to a particular pattern which had happens to have a Greek God or Goddess name. And then there is an insight like “oh, this is why I’ve had so much trouble with my father or my mother or why I am who I am” and, and the idea of valuing who you are and not accepting the other choice, which is to conform to what it is your parents wanted you to do. Up to a point. It actually is adaptable to conform up to a point. But then it’s like you get to Midlife, you’ve lived out the life you’re suppose to.. you see, you individuate earlier if you don’t manage to do it just right the way your family wanted you to do. If you happen to be the archetype or the psychological type that fits the pattern in your first half of life, everybody says good for you, good for you. You know, and, and it’s easy. Except that you get to midlife and the sense is “is this all there is? Okay, you know, I got my education, I’ve got a good job, I got married and got kids. Is this all there is because I feel empty inside and this is why Jungian work is often second half of life work. It’s because there is a whole unlived out part. But then if you are nonconforming, you couldn’t be the boy your father wanted you to be or the girl your mother or father wanted you to be like you were introverted in an extroverted family. I remember working with a, uh, a young woman who was quite herself introverted and she was in this large extroverted Italian family and it was pretty difficult to be her.

Thal:

Hmm.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Or if you, if you, uh, are interested in things, your, your, your family is all into sports and corporate advancement and you are into the arts, uh, well in certain families that’s okay. But in other families you drop it, you don’t follow and you don’t do that which you would naturally gravitate to and.. Or you fight to do it. And when you fly to do what you start to individuate early. If you cannot conform which many gay boys have found true, they could not confirm. They would have liked to have conformed. Some of them managed fairly well to conform, but if they didn’t conform just to be who they were and have other people pick up on it meant that they were bullied, meant that they felt terrible about themselves. Except that now the environment is changing. It’s like for women in the 70s, for the first time there was uh, uh, the, the first woman’s was second women’s movement really first women’s movement was 1848 with the, when there was a whole issue about voting, but it was, it really in the late sixties and seventies, when the women’s movement that we know of people like Gloria Steinem coming in and seeing and expressing and then opening the doors for women to do, uh, what has been unacceptable before you could do now?

Thal:

Hmm.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

So the, the world has in, in in many places is a bigger world where we can grow into more of who we are and we can make more mistakes too. This is what happens to people also, when you have choice, you want, you can make mistakes or not. Maybe they were just, I like to use the labyrinth as a model for the path, not, not a straight line. And in the labyrinth you think you’re moving towards your goal and then, oops, there’s a u-turn. There was a block, there was a pain, there was a loss. Well, you’re still on the path and what will come next keep shaping you.

Thal:

These are very important things to, to um, listen to, especially for our generation because we’ve been brought up to just, you know, everything is so goal oriented. Um, once we are on the path, well, when am I going to become enlightened or when am I going to know myself better? Um, so keeping that in mind is, is very important.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Well, it’s important to remember, uh, when you’ve had it… it’s like if you can, if you can hold on to the best of each of the stages you’ve gone through, you know, you, you’d start out holding onto the kid self that had a sense of wonder, you’re going to hold onto wonder and take in a new experience or a person or something with a sense of wonder. And then you go into adolescence where were there really did a lot of idealism in adolescence. Can you hold on to that? Can, the maturity that comes later and the wisdom that comes along the way. The whole integrated person has an inner child, an inner adolescent, an inner masculine, an inner feminine, an inner wise person, a connection with divinity, however you define it. And with it, with that part of divinity, you have a sense… You have a sense of soulfulness in yourself. You have a deep sense that you matter of some level, there is something called grace. There’s something called the divinity. There’s something called mysticism that you have experienced and you have been blessed and all you can do is say thank you. And as soon as you have a sense of gratitude, of privilege that I, I now see that, you know, relative to say that the other kids in my family, or when you meet people who are disadvantaged and you start to realize that you’ve been privileged, you had no reason to feel superior, you have more reason to have gratitude. This starts to be soul shaping as well. And it could be that the whole work we have if we come into this world as a soul, and I think we do, I think we are spiritual beings on a human path rather than human beings who may or may not go on a spiritual path. So we come into the world as a spiritual being in a helpless little baby body into our version of dysfunctional family, in our version of dysfunctional society. And somehow this life that goes by so fast must be a major, major opportunity to grow soulfully to make a difference to others, to do something that makes you feel that you are doing what you came for and that sense of right rightness when you are doing something that you know is being true to who you are inside that is that you can’t, it isn’t a sustained thing, but you dip into it and you feel, oh this is who I am. This is what I came for. I am living my own soul journey. Which if you talked to Joseph Campbell in a way you’re living at personal myth and you are being true to it. And that’s a shorthand way of saying what individuation is about. Jung uses so many technically sounding words like individuation, anima and animus but underneath it all is such a deep evaluation of what it’s like to be human. And the opportunity for you have to be human, maybe, especially now, it’s the responsibilities of being human. I think about how I went through the nuclear stuff, uh, earlier when, when, when it seemed like people were right on the verge of pushing the button. Well, there are a lot more nuclear weapons in the world now than then, but now we’re looking at the environmental crisis, which could it end it for us as well. And so if you come into the world as a human being during a time of crisis, the responsibilities or the opportunities to make a difference are much greater. And for now, to be a woman at this time in history is both an opportunity and a responsibility. Like my major activism is to support feminism within the United Nations to have a fifth women’s world conference, and I now have a sense that it, that it will not, not be sponsored necessarily at all by the UN, but they will come into it, but it will be created in India in 2022. So I’ve had these buttons saying five WCW India 2022, because when you bring women together who have Artemis, the sisterhood architect as part of who they are, and we have the technical ability to communicate by all kinds of devices, we could have a, the rising up of a quality of feminism that feels like siblings with men, because this is Artemis also not patriarchal, but brothers and sister. Cause Artemis was the firstborn of twins. Apollo was her twin brother. And what she went in, her mythology she was concerned about she came to the aid of her mother. She came to the aid of children, um, and she did develop your own skills with a bow and arrow plus a sense of, Goddess of the moon means that there’s an element of mysticism. There is an enormous mystical element in nature if you tune into it. So I think that this, I would love it to see that, see more and more Artemis rising and so I’m doing that at the moment too.

Thal:

Amazing.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Activism is soul work when you’re doing it from a space in which it’s your journey and you’re doing, helping others.

Adrian:

That’s so beautiful. We just had the honour of chatting with Andrew Harvey last week and you know, he talks about sacred activism. So as you’re saying this, you know, it feels like there’s such a hunger right now. Um, I think for this type of energy to emerge in larger numbers and also for, for, for the elders, right? For, for the young seekers to connect with elders such as yourself and to make sure that there’s wisdom isn’t lost, you know, that we don’t have a disconnect with, you know, just this lineage of, um, of experience and wisdom that’s been passed down, uh, just to, to bring things to an end. Is there, is there anything you’d like to share as sort of last words, um, for, for the next generation, you know, of, of activists and seekers and, um, and, and, and curious souls?

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Well, yes. In the last year I started signing off on my emails with “love, hope, perseverance, trust and gratitude”. And I think as it is, we kind of a mantra. Love then hope are certainly obvious energies. Perseverance seems to be required to do anything that really matters to you. To become a doctor and a Jungian Analyst or psychiatrist. I mean it took a lot of persevering through subjects that were hard or not interesting. Again, the Artemis idea that you have, if you could aim at a target that is far off, but if it’s your target and you aim for it, can you tolerate what it takes to have setbacks, to have to do hard work. So perseverance and then trust is much more in the spiritual world. It’s the word that means that you trust that it matters what you do with your one wild and precious life. You trust that there is a world of invisible spirits that you can call upon that support you, through some difficulties you can count on prayer, you can count on a sense that there is a divinity that has…that you have access to. Even if you don’t know very much about what it is that it doesn’t mean, it doesn’t exist. Oh, are there people that have died? Then the whole tradition of the other side, if there are there, what are they? Angels? Maybe they’re angels, but then there’s this whole world is cares about what we do here too. That is trust. And the last thing is the motivation that can make us appreciate what we have, and that’s gratitude.

Thal:

Thank you so much. That’s so beautiful to hear. Thank you.

Adrian:

Yeah. With gratitude. Thank you.

Jean Shinoda Bolen:

Thank you. Namaste.

#10: Enter the Sacred Field of Kabir with Andrew Harvey

The mystical, the mythical, and the mysterium, the realm of cosmic forces remains enigmatic. We may project our human perception onto the unknown or completely reject it. What we don’t know scares us. Fear of the ‘other.’ It may be easy to dismiss mysticism as a way of the ancient ones. Yet, our mythical and mystical musings remain alive today through literature, poetry, music and yes, through video games and shows like the Game of Thrones and Harry Potter! There is no separation.

The lines between interviewer and interviewee become blurred as we shed our skin with a modern-day mystic: Andrew Harvey. We recorded this conversation a day after a poetry reading by Andrew, here in Toronto to celebrate the release of his latest book, Turn Me To Gold: 108 Poems of Kabir. Andrew brings in his energy and ecstatic presence as he shares his vision of sacred activism – in response to our meaning crisis or what he sees as a massive transformation of consciousness. Andrew was born in South India in 1952. He was educated in England and studied at Oxford University. By 1977, he became so disillusioned with life at Oxford, he returned to India where a series of mystical experiences initiated his spiritual journey. Andrew has studied under many sages and saints from different traditions. He is the author of over 40 books and lectures internationally.

Highlights:

  • The Mystical Experience of Writing Kabir Poetry
  • Problems with New Age Spirituality
  • Message for Young Seekers and Sacred Activists

Resources:

Listen:

A poem inspired by this episode

Full Transcript

Andrew Harvey:          

How lovely to be addressing you. How did you enjoy last night? How did it register in you?

Thal:                 

It was amazing. I felt the poetry, your presence, and your energy and you know, I come from a Sufi background so I was sitting there, I was like, yeah, this is what I already know but felt it.

Andrew Harvey:          

Exactly! Isn’t that wonderful? That to me is the exact response because we do know this, it is our reality and all the great ones like Kabir, they just wake up this knowledge within us. Kabir is not trying to be a guru, he is trying to empower us with our own authentic awareness because he knows that everyone is secretly divine and has all of this knowledge. That’s what I tried to do. I’m not, I couldn’t. What a boring thing to be a guru. My God. Terrible! What a waste of time where you can have all the fun in the world with people like you. Right. What did you feel?

Adrian:             

We were just talking, I am really raw right now. I mean from last night something happened where to me, you mentioned lion a few times the imagery of a lion and you were the lion last evening. You roared with that power. I felt like the lions in the room all heard it. We heard the cry and a part of me is kind of waking up to this realization of we got to act. You know there’s a sense of urgency and I love the energy that you are bringing.

Andrew Harvey:         

Act from sacred consciousness. Act from that vibrant wholeness within. You will be a lion in your own way. Everybody’s lion is different. There are tender lions. There are soft lions. There are wild lions. It is finding your own and unique inner lion, isn’t it? Yeah. I just do me, my big Me and then hope to wake up the lions in the room. I’m training the special forces.

Adrian:             

You’re definitely doing that.

Thal:                 

I want to share something with you before we start. I think it was two years, almost two years ago or a year ago when you were on a podcast with Tami Simone, “Sounds True”.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yes.

Thal:                 

Yes. I was going through one of my many dark nights of the soul and I’m just right in the middle of the interview…

Andrew Harvey:          

You’re a good Sufi.

Thal:                 

Hopefully. Right in the middle of the interview. You said one of the prayers that I have always utter in my practice, which is “show me things as they are”. Then you said that that’s from one of your favorite teachers, Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him. The moment you said that…It hit so hard with me that I just wept. I had to stop the podcast and I wept for like 30 minutes, so just wanted to share that.

Andrew Harvey:           

What a beautiful… You know, one of the things that hurts me the most is the way the Prophet is seen in the West. When you get a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of who the Prophet is, how could you not weep for half an hour?

Thal:                 

I love him, you know, he’s like…

Andrew Harvey:          

Oh God. Of course.

Thal:                 

He embodies the Divine Feminine. Like his teachings were all about the Divine Feminine…

Andrew Harvey:          

Absolutely…he says paradise is at the feet of the mothers. You remember?

Thal:                 

Yes

Andrew Harvey:          

Paradise is at the feet of the mothers and the first phrase in the Quran is about Rahman Al-Raheem. Both come from Rahm, the womb. God is mother first of all in the Quran and it’s impossible to read his life without being stunned by his tenderness. Look at the story of the cat. You know that wonderful story…he only has two tunis and his favorite cat is sleeping on one of the arms and he cuts off the arm of his tunic so as not to wake up the cat. ‘Adab (graceful comportment) is feminine. ‘Adab is entirely about tenderness and courtesy and respect and reverence. Those are feminine virtues and until you know that you know nothing about Islam.

Thal:                 

The most people who misunderstand Islam are Muslims.

Andrew Harvey:          

Wahhabis have no idea about the Prophet. If they could meet the Prophet he would be out of his mind with suffering about what they’ve made of his revelation.

Thal:                 

I believe that 100 percent

Andrew Harvey:          

And you can’t imagine why all the Great Sufi mystics have been so desperately and deeply and profoundly in love with him because they know that he’s the complete human being. No other teacher was a husband. No other teacher would have said that I love women, perfume, and prayer. That’s a complete man.

Thal:                 

Yes yes yes…

Andrew Harvey:          

A complete guy! He loves women. He loves sex.

Thal:                 

Yes he did…

Andrew Harvey:          

The beauty of celebrating with another being and perfume, the mystery and beauty of the world, and then prayer of course it’s the last one. It’s the ultimate one, but nobody lived as a complete life as the prophet. There’s never been as a complete life as him.

Thal:                 

I believe that. Thank you.

Andrew Harvey:          

You know that. That’s why you’re a Sufi. You’re so lucky to love the Prophet so much. What a life? So terrible! His life.

Thal:                 

So misunderstood…up to this day…

Andrew Harvey:          

Oh God, yes. You know that he is still available to those who love him…you never see him but you can…some people see him, but I’ve never seen him, but I have felt him…

Thal:                 

I felt him…Some people see him, some people see him like even in like during the day, you know, and have conversations with him, but

Andrew Harvey:          

I’m looking forward to that particular…

Thal:                 

Me too… I am looking forward to it.

Andrew Harvey:          

So glad you like that…that is such a blessing.

Thal:                 

I’m just happy to be talking to you today.

Andrew Harvey:          

Me too. But people always say to me, why do you say peace be upon him? Are you kidding? I would never talk about the prophet without honoring Islam in that way…it will be very vulgar. People have no conception of this. The ‘adab (good character) you need towards the holy ones.

Thal:                 

The holy ones from all traditions.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, but he would be the first one to say that. He said it again and again and again in the Quran. Nobody loved Jesus more than the prophet. Nobody loved Isiah, Moses, and Noah and all the great ones. He says there are 100,000 teachers who have no names who are great prophets and great saints. Women, men of all religions, shamans. It is much more than a religion, Islam. It’s a vision of integrated wholeness. It’s the most balanced vision ever given humanity. It has shadows, obviously. I mean homophobia, misogyny, and all the rest of it, but they were not his shadows

Thal:                 

These are the shadows of dogma.

Andrew Harvey:          

And the boys club and all the rest of it…

Thal:                 

I hear ya…

Andrew Harvey:         

 Rumi doesn’t have those shadows. The Great Sufi mystical saints don’t have those shadows.

Thal:                 

That’s why they were killed someone like Al-Hallaj was killed by the orthodoxy.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah. All. Can you imagine what happened with Rumi? Can you imagine? They were freaked out. He started dancing with this old man in the middle of Konya after giving good speeches and quoting from the Quran. They thought he’d gone completely crazy or even worse. Finally they had to face that he was radiant with God. You know? Absolutely. That’s always the way, isn’t it.

Adrian:             

Andrew…I feel like we want to do this in service of Kabir, right? I mean this is one of the major reasons why we feel so excited and grateful that you agreed to come on. And this is just the beginning of your book launch, essentially, and last night, I mean, what we experienced with the poetry, I mean, it was so moving. I am still raw from that experience…still processing.

Andrew Harvey:           

When you say raw, I love that word. What you mean by raw? What does raw feel like inside you? You know right now, let’s have a conversation. I’d love to. This is not me talking about Kabir, I want to talk with you. In the Kabir field.

Adrian:             

To me raw are new feelings. So it’s feelings that I’m not familiar with and there is an element of fear, like what is this? I’m confused, but it’s making me tune inward and try to hang onto it, try to be curious. And so that’s raw sensations in my body and these feelings that are all commingled. You know, it’s hard to put words to it that that’s raw for me. It’s pre-language.

Andrew Harvey:          

It is pre-language, why do you need to put words to it? Why do you need to? That’s the danger of trying too soon to get clear, not allowing the radiant confusion to breed its own revelation. To change one. It’s just like falling in love, isn’t it, with the person. It’s scary when you meet someone you can’t avoid you can’t categorize, you can’t not love, and you know that once you’ve made that commitment to love, it’s going to change your life. It’s not just going to change your mind. It is going to change your heart, your body, your whole trajectory. And that’s what happens when you meet someone like Kabir.

Adrian:            

 It feels naked. That’s the other word. Yeah. You mentioned that last evening…is to shed the costumes to shed the house, the houses and to walk in the open.

Thal:                 

Even the process of us making the podcast is really about coming out in the open. I’m waking up from my own journey where, you know, I went into the comfort of dogma for a few years and it just didn’t work because it wasn’t who I am and I was never that before. Adrian is coming also from his perspective. A more secular perspective, you know, and he’s waking up to the mystic in him. That’s what I see and you know, we belong to a generation that’s, you know, confused.

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, how could you not be confused? Everyone’s confused at this moment because we’re in the moment of trauma and terrible chaos, and terrible suffering. The possibilities of human extinction are real. How could that not be radically confusing? If you trust at the deepest level, that radical confusion can give birth to the new, a wholly new level of tenderness and vibrant openness and communion, which is a source of tremendous meaning and joy.

Thal:                 

What we’ve been doing after every episode…I’ve been writing poetry. I would say all my life. More recently I’ve been sharing them through the podcast after every episode, and I told Adrian this three days ago, I told him I feel naked whenever I write a poem, I feel naked and I’m okay with it now and it is what it is…

Andrew Harvey:          

Don’t you think being naked is the greatest possible gift you give to anybody.

Thal:                 

That’s true.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s the greatest gift.

Thal:                 

It is also being alive.

Andrew Harvey:          

alive. When you think about how you make the greatest friends of your life, it’s not by being brilliant, it’s not by being perfect. It’s by those moments of heart, rending fragility and expansion that suddenly snares another heart. Right?

Thal:                 

Absolutely.

Andrew Harvey:           

That’s it. That’s the whole of life.

Adrian:             

Yeah. Do we want to get into it, right?

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah. We are into it. Just keep this in the podcast. I love this because this is our field. You know, I can see your beautiful faces. I can see how much you are so alive and how much you are in pain, at what’s going on, and how much you are not just resting in that pain, but really wanting to understand beyond words beyond concept what this pain might mean. For me, what this pain is the pain of childbirth. It’s the pain of birth. It’s what happens to a woman when she gives birth is monumental. It’s being possessed by this birthing force that looks, from a man’s point of view, and I’ve seen it so many people give birth, looks like she’s being torn apart, but she’s not being torn apart. She’s been given the supreme privilege of being a gateway for the birth of a new being, and this is what’s happening in all of our psyches at the moment. Everything we think of as real, it’s being dismembered, it’s being burned down, not to punish us, but to release us from these terrible, horrible dominator paradigm structures which are quite clearly annihilating life, so we’re being born into life and that’s a scary, confusing process, but if you stay with it and trust and surrender and listen to the voices of the ones who really know this process, then something amazing gets born in you and with that, the passion to change, everything gets born in you. Together. We can do this.

Adrian:             

Thank you, Andrew. Thank you for that. I think. I think we’re both actually really wanting to hear how how you got drawn to Kabir to begin with. We know that in writing it was quite the experience. You lived with him. You mentioned multiple times that you were living with him. He was inside of you.

Andrew Harvey:          

I’ve loved Kabir all my life. I’m 66 years old now and I met Kabir first when I was 25 in Benares the city where he lived, which is called Varanasi now, but I can’t help calling it Benaras because for me the word Benaras means something exotic glorious and it is like an unfolding of purple silk, Benares. A very holy word and it’s a very wild, holy, gorgeous, terrible, amazing city, which is like a naked representation of every kind of opposites in life. I went there first when I was 25 and I was overwhelmingly grateful to be in a place as mad as my own psyche. I just recognized finally that there was a place on earth as gorgeous and crazy as what I was beginning to understand. The mystery really is… So I was out of my mind with joy and I used to go in the early morning to the temples and sit there and just look and breathe everything in. The perfumes, the smells, the amazing adoration of people. One day I was there and this old man came in this beautiful old Saddhu in rags but with the face like an eagle, and he started to sing and I can’t begin to describe singing, but it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t manicured. It was wild singing wild, holy gorgeous singing. The whole place shook.I plucked up my courage after he finished and I said, “what were you singing?” He spoke broken English and I speak some Hindi. Between my broken Hindi and his broken English, we communicated totally because we were in the space. He said, I am singing, “my beloved.” I said, “who is your beloved?” “Kabir! Kabir! Kabir! How can you sing anything else but Kabir when you’ve met Kabir. Kabir changes everything. Then he translated for me what he was singing and he was singing the song, “the beloved is in me, the beloved is in you as life is hidden in …(inaudible) rubble your pride my friend, and look for the beloved within you.” Just those words pierced me and I realized, oh my God, I have not heard of Kabir but that began a passionate search to find out everything about Kabir. I read everything in different languages. I speak French and Italian and German and some Hindi. I read all of the amazing new books that were coming out on Kabir that are incredible work done by, especially by two great women scholars, Charlotte Vaudeville, who wrote the most astonishing book on Kabir. Every single aspect of Kabir’s genius is explored by her with razor clear, deeply radical, wonderfully precise scholarship. Then there’s this other wonderful woman translator, Linda Hess, who has exactly the same degree of excellence in her work, but who also plunged deeply and mystically into the Kabir tradition and spent a lot of time with one of the greatest Kabiri singers, Kumar Gandharva, and if you’re listening out there, go on to Youtube, get hold of Kumar Gandharva. He is simply the greatest singer that India has produced in the last hundred years. He’s left, unfortunately, but his voice remains. So I plunged into Kabir from a scholarly point of view, from the translations that were coming out. Robert Bly is magnificent translations, a lot of Bly in there. He’s not really being very faithful to Kabir, but he did a marvelous job of bringing the perfume of the Kabiri spirit, but at the time I was obsessed with Rumi and I still remain obsessed with Rumi because Rumi was my first intense beloved. I just. I’ve never gotten over Rumi. I spent 40 years writing books on Rumi, recreating Rumi, going to Konya, plunging into the depths of Sufism, and Rumi is such an amazing universal poet. He is the other great universal poet with Kabir and the two of them are brothers that you can’t compare Everest and Kanchenjunga. They’re both supremely great mountains of brilliance and beauty, so I didn’t get around to really confronting my passion for Kabir until about seven or eight years ago when it suddenly became clear to me that the reason why I hadn’t done any deep work on Kabir because I myself wasn’t ready. You have to be ready for Kabir because Kabir is so fierce, so demanding, so real. I had to become real before or half real before I could dare to step into attempting to transmit him in English and then something quite dramatic happened in my life, which is I went through one of my periodic fits of bankruptcy, so because I’ve lived a pretty wild life as a teacher, I haven’t been user-friendly. I’ve tried to tell the truth because I know I’ve known for 20 years that we were in an apocalyptic situation. If you’re teaching in America, that’s the last thing people want to hear. They just want to hear everything is fine and it’s all going to go well. It’s not going to go well. We’re gonna have to die to be reborn and in this time I was compelled and it was one of the great graces of my life to go to live in a log cabin in Arkansas and I paid $300 a month for this log cabin and I thought more of my friends thought, oh my God, Andrew is now going off the deep end and we’ll never see him again. He’s a brave madmen, but bye bye Andrew. But in fact, what happened with that, that was the best thing that ever happened. I lived in simplicity with the deer and the hills of our Arkansas and the wonderful raw non-religious people who are just the best people you can possibly imagine. I was grounded and earthed in a way that had never happened to me before. I was humbled, radically humbled. At that moment he could enter because I’d been bashed enough, battered enough, reduced enough, humbled enough to be able to hear the unmistakable intensity of truth in him, and then something absolutely extraordinary started to unfold is that I really started to dream about him, to feel him around. I realized that in meeting Kabir at that time in my life, I was meeting the very, very best of myself. That the very, very best of myself would now be honed and deeply transformed by this encounter with this lion of truth. It was the most thrilling experience of my life. It unleashed an immense torrent of creativity in me because I started to write as Kabir. I’ve written hundreds and hundreds of poems in Kabir’s voice with my voice mingling his. I haven’t printed them and haven’t published them because I wanted my first offering to be about him because it would be an act of monstrous arrogance even for someone like myself to come out with my Kabir poems without spending time on really presenting the genius that gave birth to whatever I was able to say in this field, and what happened was that when you commune at that level of passion with a great being, you enter into the most intense, imaginable, sacred friendship with that being. This is known in all the mystical systems. The Catholics call this the communion of saints, the Saints are not in Heaven or whatever heaven is. The saints are all around. They’re still alive, they’re vibrant, and if you commune with a saint out of a particular deep love for that saint that saint will start to appear to you, talk to you, give you directions, guide you, you know them from within you. This is a tremendous mystery, but it’s a mystery that mystics of all traditions have experienced. And what I experienced was Kabir became my friend myself, my voice, my heart, and it was very scary sometimes because you can’t approach the field of Kabir without being exposed to yourself. And all of us have so much further to go. And when you’re in the field as clean and as incisive as the Kabir field is… You’re faced all the time with your corruption, your stupidity, your sloth, your vanity, in my case your desire for celebrity, all the stuff that swirls around in every human psyche, befriending someone like Kabir means that you cannot anymore befriend your own darkness. It becomes intolerable to you. There’s a real sacrifice involved when you come into this kind of field. But the rewards for making that sacrifice is so astounding because not only does he pitch that view and hits you over the head, he also got an arm around your shoulder saying, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been through it. It’s terrible facing who you really are. But you’ll discover through this facing who you really Are! That will make everything worthwhile. This was a most extraordinary process and out of that came my book, Turn Me To Gold and it couldn’t have come in any other way. I wasn’t ready to do it earlier on. I had to be cooked by Rumi, to be ready to be eaten by Kabir and I had to go through in solitude in that log cabin, this turbulent astounding relationship with him to be able to be guided by him to present the book in exactly the way that the Kabir field exactly wanted as a musical symphony in four parts that could open up all of the different aspects of the field to divine embodiment. It was an amazing journey. It’s not over. I’m just beginning a new journey now going out talking to people like you about the journey, that’s a new extension of this field. Does make sense to you? Does it ring true?

Thal:                 

I’m just thinking also about something that you had mentioned last night when you were talking about the book and about the two energies that are mentioned in the Sufi tradition, which come from the Divine name, which is the Jalal energy, which is the energy of awe and breaking the ego and the Jamal Energy, which is the beauty and the tenderness, which is Rumi, and that’s where you were cooked for you to get ready for Kabir as you had mentioned. I just want to relate or mention the role of poetry and the role of poet as medium and what does that mean to you?

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, what does it mean to you? You are a poet. I want you to hear what it means to you.

Thal:                 

Everything! I feel that poetry and the poet are mere mediums of energy. It’s like the connection between the sacred and the profane, the connection between the transcendent and the imminent. It’s only through poetry that we can contain the ineffable.

Andrew Harvey:         

Yes. How beautiful? I can’t speak after that, but I think that we’re in a time where religious dogma no longer captures us. I think we are in a time when people telling us what to do and how to do it, laying down laws is frankly horse manure to us because we’ve seen how many of those laws are not Divinely inspired but manmade and very crippling and I think we’re in the time of the birth of the universal mysticism that goes directly to the source that once the skinny about reality that once the essential disciplines but doesn’t want to be contained in any one dogmatic context and poetry is by definition non-dogmatic. It’s personal. It’s born out of the depths of the unique personal ecstatic experience, especially when it’s mystical poetry, and because it’s personal it transcends dogma, because it’s personal it speaks directly from the enraptured heart to the enraptured heart. It speaks above all the language of love and the language of love is the language which we are all, whether we are atheists or non-atheists or wiccans.

Thal:                 

Whatever the label is?

Andrew Harvey:          

What we’re famished for is that language of love and every humanbeing when they hear Rumi is thrilled because Rumi speaks as an ecstatic lover. Anyone whose ever known how love expands you will hear in Rumi, even if they don’t understand the kind and the vast of love that Rumi speaks about, they’ll know, oh my God, this guy is a lover and I have a lover within me, and I want that lover to grow because I know that lover is the best of me and the most noble of me and the most wildly deeply intelligent. Pardon me, much more intelligent than my brain.So poetry has that unique power to take us into the field beyond good and evil that is love in all of its majesty and power and beauty. That’s why poetry, mystical poetry now is coming back in such intense way because we’re being guided into a universal mysticism whose heart isn’t laws and dogmas, but burning rapturous, incisive, vibrant, violently beautiful and pure poetry, so the great new texts of the new universal mysticism will be the great mystical poets, will be Rumi, will be Kabir, will be Hildegard of Bingen, and Hadewijch of Antwerp.

Thal:                 

William Blake.

Andrew Harvey:          

William Blake, absolutely…and Rabiah. These are the great sacred, humble prophets of this new universal mysticism. This has always been known in the great sacred cultures. In India there are the Sanskrit Brahmans who love to quote the text, but what did the people of India love? They loved the songs of Kabir. What does the shopkeepers sing? They sing the upanishads. They sing Kabir because they want the raw pure naked, they need it because they’re living very difficult lives and sometimes it’s threatened lives and talking to them about the upanishads is not going to help them. What will help them in the most visceral way is that raw pure, absolutely bare poetry of a great mystic like Kabir. Who is their buddy. They can feel him go through everything that they’re going through and still goes through and they can vibrate with that. So you if you’re in India, in Benaras, for example, I remember one morning relatively recently going to the shop around the corner where I used buy my soap with this wonderful old woman and we became great friends and she in the morning would sing me Kabir. She was a very poor and she would tell me, you know, Kabir has helped me live my life. I know that everything is God. I know I have no money. I may not have money for my evening meal, but because of my singing of this magnificent holy brother of mine that is Kabir, I can get through anything. She told me that and that’s what so many people experience. Poetry has that divine gift.

Thal:                 

I was just listening to the late Mary Oliver, I think she just passed away two weeks ago or three. She said something about the role of religion. She said, well, religion is there to remind us that we cannot rely on our will but then the dogma comes in and flattens out everything and reduce it and it’s reductionistic much like a very staunch secular view is also reductionistic. Anything that is one side of something is reductionistic and…

Andrew Harvey:          

Poetry is all sides altogether.

Thal:                 

Exactly. Exactly.

Andrew Harvey:          

In a human experience that is non-judgmental that accepts all the pain and all the joy. That accepts all the struggle.

Thal:                 

The paradox of life.

Andrew Harvey:          

The great mystical poets are our best friends, they are the best friends you could ever have on your life journey.

Thal:                 

It’s where I go to when I feel alone. It is my world. I love it. Mystical poetry.

Andrew Harvey:           

Well you know that you’re not alone when you are sitting with Rumi or Kabir. These guys have been through everything. They’re with you right now and they will give you the consolation, the wisdom you need. In Iran, you know, they love Hafiz most of all. They say Hafez is the greatest of all the poets, even greater than Rumi.

Thal:                 

He’s powerful.

Andrew Harvey:          

What they do when they’re feeling miserable or alone or in front of a very difficult judgement, they pray and they open Hafiz. They’ve discovered that it is some kind of an oracle.

Thal:                 

I actually do that trick too.

Andrew Harvey:          

I do it with Rumi and Hafiz and it never fails. They are there present completely as a complete divine human beings, speaking intimately to us, and they can help us in ways that even the greatest scriptures can’t help us.

Thal:                 

I believe that…

Andrew Harvey:          

It’s all about friendship now you see, I think that when we really understand as human beings what friendship is capable of, what great friends can feel and do and experience together.

Thal:                 

Sacred friendship.

Andrew Harvey:          

We understand the full glory of what the poets ask because truly they are our deepest secret friends.

Thal:                 

In fact, that is one of the main messages within the Sufi tradition. The sacred aspect of friendship and communion and sisterhood and brotherhood and all of it.

Andrew Harvey:          

Isn’t that the deepest meaning of Shams and Rumi’s relationship? Nobody really understood their relationahip. Some thought they were physical lovers. That’s not true. Some foods that they were just buddies. That’s not true. Some people thought they were master and disciple. That’s not true because they were each master and each disciple. All of those previous definitions vanish when the true glory of friendship appears because they clearly loved each other, heart, mind, soul, and body. It was total love, but it was love that vibrated from the depths of the heart and included the whole field of the being. That’s friendship and we we’re just beginning to begin to begin to begin to understand what friendship can be.

Thal:                 

The tip of the iceberg,

Andrew Harvey:          

How wonderful, yeah. This is what awaits the human race if we can only stop committing suicide and matricide. It awaits the revelation of universal mysticism, the revelation of fundamental bond of sacred friendship between all beings gay, straight, lesbian acrobats, drunks in the street. Who cares? They’re human. They’re alive. They are our friends potentially.

Thal:                 

It’s fear. It’s ego. It’s, ah! These are the things that need to break.

Andrew Harvey:         

It’s fear because you might suddenly find yourself embracing a dirty old drunk by the side of the street as your long lost brother that would scare you, but that’s truth. Jesus is talking about the same kind of love. He says, “greater Love hath no man than the man who lays down his life for his friends.” That’s the whole meaning of the mystical path to lay down your life for your friends so that your friends can taste the splendor of God through the life you lead and come into their own unique splendor and live it out with their own unique joy and then you can encourage them in that they can tune you and you can tune them and a lot of fun is had by all. We’re frightened of joy more than anything else. You know that’s what’s so scary. People say that they are scared of suffering, but if you really look deeply into yourself, what you’re really scared of is love and really scared of joy.

You might find yourself loving all kinds of unlikely people, even people who you before you thought were your enemies or just having mad destructive views. You might suddenly find yourself feeling overwhelming compassion for Trump, for example, which will deeply annoy some of your liberal friends. It’s actually part of the geat beauty.

Thal:                 

It is part of the paradox.

Andrew Harvey:          

It is part of the paradox, but it doesn’t mean you hate him. You oppose his policies but it does not mean you hate him because you see the pain behind all the madness that can destroy the planet, but it doesn’t mean you have to hate him. Why should you hate him? Hate the policies, do everything you can to unnerve those policies, but never find yourself in the place of hating any humanbeing because they are still, however battered, the image of God. You have to keep that as a lover of God … that truth.

Thal:                 

Keeping in mind our listeners, I’m thinking when we’re talking about this type of energy and being sort of possessed with this radical love.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yes, yes! I love that…possessed by this radical love. She speaks as a poet. That’s why poetry is so important because you said it in a phrase. That’s the intensity of being, isn’t it?

Thal:                 

Thank you. I have to say it. I’m going to say it today, sometimes it’s my own fear and you know how I’m perceived by others that I sometimes have to tone down that side of myself. Working with Adrian, right now, I’m slowly not going to tone down that down anymore.

Andrew Harvey:        

This is the time of the empowered women. We need women like you to speak fearlessly, to sing out your truth. I need it. Every single man, however, evolved on this planet, needs to hear the voices of wild, empowered holy women. Be one of those. Don’t be frightened. I will tell you a story, which is one of my favorite stories, happened to me when I lived in Paris. I had a great friend. She was a Countess and she was a Coke addict, unfortunately, but she was the most luminous, wild, fearless person I ever knew. She was in her seventies and I was in my thirties. We were inseparable and she would take me to these glamorous dinner parties. Her favorite thing was to go off into the bathroom, smoke some coke, and come back to the table and tell everybody the truth about themselves at the table. Appallingly truthful.

One day the whole of France was sitting around this table. I mean the President was there, Yves Saint Laurent was there. It was a very grand party. She had known them all their lives, so she knew what a corrupt load of wankers they really were those people. She went from one to the other and she just said, you have been so selfish and narcissistic in the way… Look at the world, it’s burning because all you’ve wanted is power. She was possessed by sacred rage. It was tearing her apart. She went around and then the guy next to her who happened to be the head of (inaduble) said, “Helen, you are too much.” She quick as a whip said, “patron and you have never been enough.”

Thal:                 

Those words were used as a form of abuse, really. “You are too much.”

Andrew Harvey:          

She was not too much. She was agonizingly struggling to be totally real. She was on a quest for total authenticity and that made her to me heart-rendingly beautiful and a great, great teacher and I didn’t judge her. If I had been inside her mind, I would have been dead 30 years before. It was amazing that she was alive with what she knew and she loved me passionately. I loved her passionately. Seeing the way in which somebody who is possessed of radical love is treated made me really make the choice that I would never, ever silence my passion. You have to choose the passion of the truth and you have to let the chips fall where they may because what you’ll discover is that the real people will come to you.

Thal:                 

I am already seeing that…

Andrew Harvey:          

If you have five real friends in this world who are authentic, that’s everything. You don’t need 100 acquaintances. You need those five and they can’t come to you until you’re completely real yourself or trying to be. That’s the great truth. You know that, don’t you?

Thal:                 

I do, actually.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, so everybody out there who is frightened about being their real selves. Stop it! It’s time to tell the truth. It’s time, do it with dignity, do it with courtesy, but do it because even when people resist you, if you do it with force of your whole personality, you will shift something in them and three or four days later or maybe five years later, they will shift. At this time we can’t afford not to be radically passionate about life because the world is being destroyed and we have to speak up and we have to be ragged and we have to call people to account. We have to most of all call ourselves to account and we have to engage together in the sometimes painful, difficult, uncomfortable process because we’ve all got to get much more honest, much more real to get going together. Just do whatever we can to stop the human race. Committing suicide and matricide.

Thal:                 

We’ve done the physical destruction, the environmental destruction, destruction of ideas, and now it’s our psyche that we need to salvage.

Andrew Harvey:           

Well, Jung said the history of humanity is hanging by a thread and that thread is the the thread of the psyche. Well, that thread is fraying and now tiny little bits are left and the frays altogether, the world’s finished. Every animal will die. Every plant will die. We will die. The seas by 2049, the major scientists say, will have no, no fish in it. I was talking to a very important, I wish I could say his name, but it was a private conversation last week. He’s probably one of the world’s leading scientists with the men’s (inaudible) and he said that the recent report of the UN, which said we have 12 years is not true. We have seven years and a lot of information is being deliberately kept back from the public, the powers that have control over the the information are terrified that when the public really knows what’s really happening, there would be madness and riots on the street. That’s where we really are. We’re about to go through a massive 50 gigaton burst of methane from from the melting Tundra in the Arctic, which has been keeping back a lot of methane gas and it’s now warming up and it’s going to release more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than has been released since the beginning of the industrial revolution. We have no idea what’s this going to mean? This is very sobering, but my belief is that we don’t need to be paralyzed by this. We need to be activated by this and not by rage, but by joy, by love for everybody, our friends, our family, animals, and that love has to be experienced in rawness and then lived in sacred action. That’s why I’ve devoted my life to what I call sacred activism, to help people experience this deep, embodied, passionate, raw love that is divine love for each other and for everything, and then realize that love is not completely real until its become active.

 If you weren’t doing this podcast out of pure love, you wouldn’t be real. You’d still be having emotions and indulging in your emotions, but you have put yourself out there so bravely. That’s sacred activism, that’s stepping up that’s saying, not in a bossy way, saying that we care and we want you to care and we want to hear how you care. We want to help you care more and so that we can care more so that we can come together more to do more together to really wake the human race up and give people hope and energy in a time of despair so that instead of being paralyzed by this exploding crisis, we use it in the deepest sense to get real, get down and get going. So there’s a huge birth taking place and we’re part of it. You and I and the people listening to this are a part a bit, and we can do this together.

Adrian:             

Can you talk more about radical embodiment because it is a thread that I’m hearing in Kabir’s poetry and what you’re saying right now, this is not intellectualizing our way out of the mess it is.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s what created the mess.

Adrian:             

It is not an ascending path. It sounds like it’s a dissent. It’s coming down.

Andrew Harvey:          

It’s both.

Adrian:             

What I was just going to say, what I heard last night when you were talking was to experience the ecstasy, but to bring that into the ordinary life and that sort of that downward energy, bringing it into the body and through our actions is how we’re going to be able to get get through to the next, to the other side of this evolution.

Andrew Harvey:          

That’s so beautiful. I’m so glad you heard that because what’s happening in a lot of New Age spirituality is that we are using the ecstasy as a drug to leave being here to get out of being here and to go to some other where this is disembodied ungrounded spirituality. It’s actually a higher form of narcissism and it’s very dangerous because it’s using the highest experience for not the highest ends, the real way as it’s been shown us, by the great prophets and the great embodied divine mystics such as Jesus and the Prophet, peace be upon him, and Rumi and Kabir and other great women masters like Teresa of Avila. The real way is to allow yourself to experience that ecstasy, and be taken to the source of life itself that is ecstatic love and ecstatic joy and then through opening completely allow that ecstasy and that joy to irradiate your mind, to come down into the depths of your heart and open your heart completely to its presence in every living thing and every flea and in every stone.

 The ecstatic light is actually the source of everything. Everything is crystalized light energy and this is what quantum physics is discovering now, so science and mysticism are revealing the same paradoxical, amazing reality that everything is energy, light-energy, then, and this is what the embodied mystics tell us, the great masters of embodiment and Jesus is one of them, and the Prophet, peace be upon him is another and Kabir is another. Then it needs to come down into the depths of the body itself because the body is secretly crystalized light-energy also in experiencing that in the depths of your cells, grounds you, makes you strong, makes you powerful, makes your love real and that love cannot be completely real and completely the embodied until it is acted on in a passion for justice and in a compassionate passion of love towards all beings.

Not just human beings, but animals, insects, everything. That’s the complete human divine experience and that’s the one that is struggling to be born against immense odds on the earth and actually our crisis which seems so horrific and is so horrific, is perfectly designed to be the birthing canal of this because nothing else could possibly work in our situation. When you’re in increasingly that state of radical love embodied in the mind and embodied in the heart, embodied in the body and embodied in real sacred action based on your own deepest talents and your deepest abilities. You don’t care whether somebody is a Muslim or a Hindu or a Christian or an atheist. You don’t care whether they agree with you or don’t agree with you. You all you see is that the world is dying and that you need to put love into action in your own unique way with your great heart friends and that that’s the only game in town.

That is the most important possible thing that you could do with your life at this moment. When you get that, it actually gives you enormous joy and peace and strength and passionate energy. Even in the middle of all of this despair, so you instead of being somebody who gets despairing and paralyzed and adds to the problem, you become someone who takes water to the thirsty, who can go to visit a friend who’s going through a massive depression because they feel that they can’t do anything and say, don’t be fooled by the fact that the world may be ending. Don’t let that depress you. Don’t let that stop you discovering who you really are. Join me. We’ll do it together. I’ll help you get catch flame with eternal joy and we will do something fabulous together and we’ll make creative projects together and even if it all goes and it might, we won’t have wasted our lives because we will have lived our lives in joy and peace and resilience and passion and really found meaning and above all have loved each other, truly.

Thal:                 

In a way that’s piercing through the veils to get to the gem…living that way. When we are talking about sacred activism and spiritual bypass in the New Age movements. It’s also important to recognize that there is a lot of problematic things happening within activism too.

Andrew Harvey:          

What would you say they were?

Thal:                 

Well, it’s the sacred aspect is missing.

Andrew Harvey:          

What does that lead to in your opinion in activism?

Thal:                 

A lot of reactionary behavior and a lot of ego inflation.

Adrian:             

And not acknowledging the shadow or integrating it because that is where the gifts come from. I mean, we talk about the light coming out of the darkness. But if we don’t acknowledge it, if you don’t even talk about it, then we’re being very naive about the situation.

Andrew Harvey:          

And we’re in a way indulging in self-righteousness and making ourselves feel good by denouncing other people. You know, the traditional mystics have had the shadow of wanting to go off into the light and not be here in relationships and responsibilities to the real world. That’s been the shadow of all the patriarchal mystical systems. The activists as they’ve evolved have had the shadow of self-righteousness, of blaming others, of wanting to feel above the others because they’ve got the real skinny and everybody else is just hopelessly deluded. Both are afflicted by profound kinds of narcissism and very dangerous kinds of narcissism. The danger of the mystics narcissism is that it is drained this world a bit sacred significance. It’s demonized the body. It’s made relationships part of illusion instead of the place where we learn so many wholly and important truths. It’s made a world in which animals are treated as inferior to us because we’re supposed to have the superior consciousness with the disastrous genocidal results that we see.

That’s the responsibility of those mystics who got addicted to transcendence, but the activists have also got a tremendous responsibility for the darkness of this situation because instead of really staying humble and loving and compassionate while pursuing just courses, they have been very often beacons of ego-ridden jostling amongst themselves and also deep self-righteousness so that they put off people who would otherwise want to join them. Who would want to be somebody who is self-righteously demonizing and denouncing every other human being that doesn’t agree with them. Every normal human being knows that that’s not the way so activists are their own worst enemies. The amazing thing is, and this is where sacred activism is so important, is that you if bring the best of the mystic, which is the passion to unite with God, it’s source of reality together with the best of the activist, the passion to uphold the truth of justice, which is a noble holy passion and don’t deny activists that they do have that.If you bring them together, then you have a whole truth. You have people who are deeply grounded and rooted in the sacred, humbled before the sacred, deeply aware that they need to constantly vigilantly work on their selfishness, on their self-rightousneess, on their desire to demonize others instead of recognizing others as aspects of themselves and you have people committed to putting the sacred into living wise, focused radical action. And that’s the new kind of human being that’s been born now, and it cannot be born either through the old mystic way or through the old activist way, but it can be born through this mysterious fusion that happens and we’ve seen it work. Gandhi was that kind of person. Gandhi’s genius was that he didn’t demonize the British. He knew exactly how dangerous the British were… I come from an imperial family. I was born to an imperial family, I have got the scars on my psyche to prove it, so I know how dangerous the British were…

Gandhi’s genius was to say to the British, I honor you, I don’t hate you. I just think that you’re not living up to your own deepest principles because you’re telling us that you’re the apostles of democracy and freedom. Whereas the democracy in India and where is the freedom in India? So that was amazing because the British would have been a lot more comfortable had Gandhi been demonizing them all the time. He made them deeply uncomfortable because he held up a mirror to them of their own deepest principles. And then very tenderly said to them, I honor these principles, they’ve changed my life, but where are you acting on them? And he then brought in a whole extraordinary system of the profound sacred activism, which was called Satyagraha, soul force, which was a commitment to nonviolent resistance. It wasn’t just sitting passive and praying.

They would go out in the streets and risk their lives, but they would never fight back because they knew that fighting back could activate tremendous violence and that violence of any kind would lead to more violence. Over time, this astounding practice unseated the biggest empire, the most powerful empire the world has ever seen. So it works. We’ve seen it work. We saw it work too with Martin Luther King. Martin Luther King said to the whites, are you crazy? You’re supposed to believe in Jesus and you’re treating your black brothers and sisters like worse than dogs. He said to the blacks, I know why you hate the whites, but the way through is never the way of hatred. We have to love our white brothers. Both resisted him until they realized that he was holding the mystery of the authentic Christ consciousness. That’s why Martin Luther King has been such a source of inspiration and that’s why America hasn’t yet there may still descend into a bloodbath because Martin said to both sides, we’ve got to go forward to honoring the truth of love in action. We’ve seen it work in Poland with Lech WaĹ‚Ä™sa, nonviolent resistance fortified by deep spiritual strength works to unseat terrifying difficulties if it’s put into practice by people who are disciplined, humble, constantly working on their shadow, and constantly constantly opening up deeper and deeper to divine love. This is the only thing that can work in a situation like ours for the simple reason is that the dark has all the power. If we get violent and crazy, they’ll just shoot us in the streets. They will get rid of us in a second. Why wouldn’t they but if we rise from the depths of our truth together, loving, even the perpetrators and the tyrants, even extending love and hope and possibility to them, constantly saying to them, why do you choose this miserable lust for power when you could be living the life of the illumined heart? Why do you choose your Malibu mansions with their fortresses when you could actually be dancing with us in the dance halls of ecstasy? Why do you choose a narrow life rooted in selfishness when you could live the life of expansive truth?

Thal:                 

Andrew, you bring up so many important issues that are at the heart of what’s happening nowadays. I don’t even know what to say but there are so many things that are charged out there. As we’re speaking, people are having twitter wars, Internet wars, on the issues that you brought up. I think part of the path is shadow work, not I think, it is part of the path. Shadow work includes also the psychological aspects. In a way it’s the merging of the psychological and the spiritual. We have to recognize, too, that people do carry their individual traumas and if people don’t address those individual wounds then they create some of the thickest veils and it’s just wallowing in narcissistic wounding and just perpetuating…

Andrew Harvey:          

Haven’t you done that yourself?

Thal:                 

I have and that’s where I’m speaking from.

Andrew Harvey:          

I think it’s important to say that yes, I think you we all are attempted, like you said, you had this period of dogma.

Thal:                 

Exactly.

Andrew Harvey:          

That is because you were wounded and you needed certainty and you needed to get out of your wound too soon.

Thal:                 

I needed clear answers and it was a comfort.

Adrian:             

We were just saying this morning that at the time was a shield for you, protected you, but it became your prison. There has to be a time that we are ready to let go of the shield.

Andrew Harvey:          

Maybe that is what you’re feeling too in this rawness, you’ve had the shield of secularism and now that’s going. We all have shields and they’re created out of our trauma. There is this amazing teacher. I hope you know him. His name is Jeff Brown and he’s just about to produce this incredible book called Grounded Spirituality. And Jeff has an extraordinarily rich and detailed and profound vision of how we really need to pay attention to the traumas and the physical blocks that make us addicts of certainty that is disembodied because otherwise we will never get to a place where we’re just human beings, ragged human beings in an endless process, helping each other through love and through communion grow in this amazing experience. It is divine human life, but that takes a lot of work. It is painful to confront the pain of the past and it’s very humbling journey.

Thal:                 

I also want to mention that we need to recognize that what we’re talking about is not reaching a perfected states. That we will still care about the little things in life and that that’s part of the path. It’s okay to want the finer things in life and that’s okay too…It doesn’t mean rejecting everything.

Andrew Harvey:

Oh no, that’s part of the patriarchal separation too, isn’t it? It’s more than that. We are looking for wholeness, not perfection, only the Divine is perfect. As Jesus says, you know, as someone is trying to praise him. He says, oh, stop it. You know, my righteousness is as rags before the Lord. If you don’t know that about yourself, you know nothing and it makes you pompous and the secret guru trying to lord it over others and that’s catastrophe. In fact, those failings or what we call failings keep us human. When you suddenly want to get crazy and angry at somebody and you stop it, I hope, but then you realize, oh my God, I’ve got to be vigilant on this side of myself and I’ve got to explore more the wound that comes from this.

Thal:                 

Yes, there goes my anger. There goes my jealousy. There it goes like these things don’t go away. It’s part of being human.

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, but you do get modest with some of them and you do get really clearer and clearer indications of where they come from on the torment of your past, and that is the beginning of liberation because instead of indulging them, you can look at them compassionately. You could even have compassion for yourself getting angry because you realize that that was because you were locked in a room, or your mother abandoned you, or you were treated like garbage. So you can be the mother to your own self and slowly, slowly those bursts will get less and more and more controlled. You will have, not in a patriarchal way, but in a wave of compassionate restraint of the dark in yourself, and this is a phenomenally, that makes you really happy when that starts to happen and that’s the great advantage of living to an older age. You will think, oh yes, I’m not condemned to be me all the time, I can expand this. I don’t have to act as I did in the past. It can be changed.

Thal:                 

When I tell some of my friends, I actually can’t wait to grow older. I’m hoping that some of my neuroses will diminish as I grew older. Hopefully.

Andrew Harvey:          

And they may become more fruitful. It wouldn’t probably diminish, but you’d be able to be more compassionate towards them.

Thal:                 

Sometimes it feels like when will this go away? When will this anger go away?

Andrew Harvey:          

Anger is not wrong, it is, part of patriarchy has be to say that anger is always wrong. Anger is sometimes the sacred passion in you waking up. It’s conscience speaking. It’s saying, this has got to stop without transformed anger. We can’t go forward if you’re just angry. We demonize, but if we’re not angry, we can be very passive in the face of massive injustice. The trick is to find sacred anger. Jesus was angry at amazing moments when the moment when he overturned the tables in the temple, but his anger was a gift to those who were doing that garbage because he was saying to them, is this what you’re going to try and do? Sell God in the temple? Are you out of your minds? He was trying to help them. He was trying to reach them. He was not trying to kill them. He was trying to break through that complacency and they agreed to reveal the possibilities of a much larger life. I’ve seen the Dalai Lama wildly angry. I mean, you may find that amazing because the Dalai Lama is so beautiful and so, but the Dalai Lama has sacred anger. Every great teacher has to have sacred anger and every great human being has to have it, but it has to purify the sources of that anger, so it becomes the anchor of truth and not the expression of neurosis.

Adrian:             

That’s the title. Turn Me to Gold. The transformation. The dark with the goal emerging from the dark.

Andrew Harvey:          

The great discovery of the path of embodiment is that it isn’t the light alone that does the work. The dark is also sacred. Your lust is sacred. Your anger is sacred, not as they are in their raw state, but as they will be. When lust is turned into a passion to communicate and to reach out, and when anger into a clear voice of truth, calling people to sacred action, that’s the turning to gold so you don’t reject things because you can’t get rid of them. You can amputate these things that belong to you because the light and the dark meant to dance inside you. What you can do through increasing experience of light is strong in clarity so that you will know the difference in your lust between the lust for power and the deep passion to reach out and communicate and you’ll choose the second, not only because it’s the right thing to do, but because it gives you more joy and it doesn’t end in suffering and that is a very subtle operation, but it can happen, but it has to happen through being compassionate to yourself.

 You have to be compassionate to why you are so wounded in some ways, but you have not got to have idiot compassion and just say, well, I was wounded so therefore I have absolutely every right to be as angry as I want. You’ve got to start working with your anger and neither reject it nor embrace embrace it, but work with the mystery to transmute it into golden anger, the golden anger of Rumi, the golden Anger of Shams, the golden anger of the Prophet, peace be upon him, the golden anger of Jesus, the golden gorgeous lion anger of Kabir, my God, that majesty of Jalal, isn’t it?

Adrian:             

I’m mindful of time and I want to make sure that you get a chance to share. We’re mindful also of young listeners, young seekers out there. I mean, right now we’re talking to a living legend and elder, you know, is there anything that you feel is really important that they hear right now? You know, the young generation, the next generation of activists that you would like to get across.

Andrew Harvey:         

I think the most important thing that I could say to you is that the most single important thing that you need is a simple daily spiritual practice because you’re going into the most profound crisis that humanity has ever faced. I believe in you. I believe in the strength in you. I believe in the courage that you have. I think you are amazing, but I want you to be shielded by deep spiritual knowledge. I want you to be balanced in the depth of yourself because you’re going to need that knowledge and that piece and that strength so much because there were many defeats before, great victories and you need to be able to endure those defeats without losing your hope, and you can only endure the defeats that are inevitable because this, the people in power, the dark forces in power and they are dark.They are not going to yield easily.However, right you are…however, beautiful you’re actions are. They going to hold onto power and they are going to be very unscrupulous and contribute to a great deal of suffering. So prepare yourselves without being afraid and know that if you do deep spiritual practice in faith, you will be given unimaginable strength and unimaginable power and over time your deepest impulses will become realized and you will be the pioneers, wholly new way of being and doing everything. If you want the most beautiful possible statement of this, read the Dalai Lama’s new book, which is addressed to you from the holiest man on the planet and the wisest man on the planet who’s really lived through everything. It’s called a call for revolution and it’s a magnificent statement of everything I’ve just said. He says it from the authority of his absolutely amazing life and he says it with such humanity and such belief in you.

I share his belief. The other thing that’s very important, I think now is to realize that it can only be done by all of us together. You need us and we need you. You need to listen to the old ones who’ve been through a great deal and who have certain marvelous things to share with you. I know you must think our generation is catastrophically self-absorbed and I don’t blame you because the baby boomers so signally failed you, but there’ve been some of us who have known this throughout this long orgie of greed and we’ve been fighting in the trenches. Sometimes I’d say very painfully and unsuccessfully for a long time, but some of us have come to a place of resolution and real joy and real knowledge and we have priceless things to share with you and what you have to give us is you. Your beauty, your intelligence, your passion, your incredible desire to change this world and between you and us, we can help and then stick the world wake up. Don’t abandon your elders and don’t go with the boring old elders who think they know anything. Go with the elders who are really on fire with love and wanted to give you the very best of what they know in the very best way because we all are ready to serve you, to help you to be at your feet, to give you everything we know, because we know you’re going to need every bit and what we know to go forward and be the pioneers of the new.

Thal:                 

Uh, wow. Thank you so much.

Adrian:             

Thank you so much. Thank you. Bless your soul.

Andrew Harvey:          

Well, I’m here and I’m not the only one, obviously. There are lots of us out here who are absolutely crazy about you and want to be of help to you and want to learn your language to be of help to you because we were brought up in a different language and are prepared to listen deeply to find out how we can translate what we know into ways that you can get, but we’ve learned timeless truths and it’s cost us our many nights of pain and heartbreak. Don’t waste our suffering because it’s born this in us and we want to give it to you because you are going to go through even greater suffering and you will need it.

Adrian:             

Thank you for paving the way. I mean just to activate, to break the inertia to get things going.

Andrew Harvey:        

That was my job. That was the job of our generation. There are many of us on the planet now and we’re ready to help and it was a terrible job because it’s been the most appalling suffering. Seeing my generation conspired with the death of the planet through greed and vanity and the New Age garbage and all the rest of it, but it has woken some of us up and it has given us absolute resolution to continue until we die as sacred activist. I’m not retired. I’m not giving up even if I’m in a wheelchair, I’ll be speaking truth to power. There’s one nun and I met who’s 95 called sister Rosa. Oh my God.

She’s in a wheelchair and she lives in Ohio and every time everything goes bad in Ohio. Sister Rosa wheels herself to wherever it’s going bad and she talks to the cameras and she just lays it on them. You cannot imagine she’s not giving up. I’m not giving up. I’ll be there until the end with you, so will all of us who are like me and who really know that everything is at stake now, but also everything is possible in an unimaginable way.

Thal:                 

May we be ready to receive.

Andrew Harvey:          

And may we be ready to listen and ready to truly hold all the young in our arms and really instead, not from a position of superiority, but from a position of deep compassion.

Thal:                 

From a position of mutuality?

Andrew Harvey:          

Yeah, we need each other. Yeah. I’m bored to death with the baby boomers and most people between 35 and 70 seem to be dead at this moment. They bought into the corporate mess, so the people are going to really shift this. There are some amazing people in their forties. I must say who are waking up, but it’s the young who are going to carry the horror.

Thal:                 

I am actually 37.

Andrew Harvey:          

You know what I’m talking about. They bought the let’s go out and make money and eat, drink and lets marry. Everything’s ending. We can’t do anything. Let’s just sit in our yachts and watch the world burn. This is a sick and decadent response and I have nothing. There’s nothing you can do with those people except hope God bashes them on the head with a saucepan.

Adrian:             

The bitch slap,

Andrew Harvey:          

Of course God is capable of that, so some of them may wake up and be amazing radicals soon. You never know anything can happen, so nobody’s left out of our embrace, but the chances are slim in the cases of most of the people, but the younger in this state of confusion and despair, which is a very fertile state for true transformation. Now we need to really give them everything we can to help encourage that and the poetry of Kabir and the poetry of Turn Me To Gold and the poetry of Rumi will be such a wonderful way to do that and music and dance, which are the traditional ways anyway, because the Bushman used that. I think young people are much more likely to be inspired by poetry and sacred music and sacred dance, sacred physical activity like sacred yoga than they are to be by people pontificating them about religious platitudes and dogmas. They know all that stuff is horse manure. They want the real stuff. They want the real experience and some of us who are not yet in wheelchairs who can actually help them arrive there. So count me in.

Adrian:             

You can dance in your wheelchair too. So that’s fine.

Andrew Harvey:          

I know I can. I know lots of people who do actually.

Thal:                 

Can you recite one of Kabir’s poems as a closing?

Andrew Harvey:       

Absolutely. What shall I do? I will recite the first poem I ever heard from him, which is still my favorite of his poems actually. Whenever I try to look for a poem in my book, it hides from me. This is Kabir’s game you see. It’s such an incredible poem. Oh, so beautiful. This is for all of you young people. I hope you. I hope you can hear it in such a way that you realize this is truth speaking and this is your truth. This is what if you take the path humbly, you will found out I found this out and I was crazy as a loon when I was young and didn’t believe in anything but life brought me to my knees and I opened my heart to the beloved. The beloved took me to awakening, so if it’s possible for me. It’s possible for you. Go for it.

The beloved is in me and the beloved is in you. As life is hidden in every seed, so rubble your pride, my friend, and look for him within you. When I sit in the heart of his world, a million suns blaze with light, a burning blue seas spreads across the sky. Life’s turmoil, falls quiet. All the stains of suffering wash away. Listen to the unstruck bells and drums. Love is here. Plunge into its rapture. Rain’s poured down without water rivers are streams of light. How could I ever express how blessed I feel to revel in such fast ecstasy in my own body? This is the music of soul and soul meeting, of the forgetting of all grief. This is the music that transcends all coming and going.

 Kabir is not escaping into ecstasy. Kabir is embodying that ecstasy and then living out a life of profound, beautiful service to all beings grounded in that joy. There is a way to stay in that joy, my dear friends, even in the middle of the crumbling and burning up the world. Find that way. You’re going to need it, and if you find that way and act from that, miracles will happen. Just wait and see.

Adrian:             

Thank you so much, Andrew, to be continued.

Andrew Harvey:         

 I hope so. You’re beautiful people. I’m honored to be with you. Thank you. God bless you.

#9: Pockets of Silence with Aryne Sheppard

Slowing down and sitting with silence seems to be the antithesis of our modern life. However, the reality of our lives or what we have deemed as reality is often incongruent with our nature. With this week’s episode, we dive into the importance of cultivating silence.

Our guest, Aryne Sheppard, has been a Vipassana meditator since 1999. Following, a major mental health crisis in her twenties, Aryne shares with us how she discovered the power of inner exploration. Currently, Aryne continues to juggle her modern life as an educator and counselor while attending regular silent retreats every six months. She holds an MA in Philosophy and an MA in Adult Education specializing in Transformative Learning. Aryne has been working in the areas of personal growth and wellness, leadership development, and counseling for over 12 years.

We hope this week’s episode inspires to find your own pockets of silence!

Highlights:

  • 20 Years of Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreat Experience
  • How Silence Supports Creativity
  • Tips for ‘Re-entry’ After a Silent Retreat
  • Why Cultivate Silence in a Noisy World

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired By This Episode

Full Transcript

Thal

Welcome Aryne, welcome to the show.

Aryne

Thank you for having me.

Thal

Yeah. When did you start meditating?

Aryne

I started when I was 25, so about 20 years ago, but I would say silence was a big part of my life even before then. And I think that’s why meditation was drawing me for a long time.

Thal

And, and so, when did you incorporate then silence in your life?

Aryne

Yeah, it’s a good question and I don’t know if I’ve really thought about it exactly, but I remember spending a lot of time on my own as a child and I was always very comfortable in my own company, you know, in, back then of course there wasn’t as much tv or media and so I did spend a lot of time outside as most kids did, a lot of time in my own imagination. And there was always part of me that was, that was kind of always seeking something, although I wouldn’t have known what it was at the time. I was not raised in a religious family, even a spiritually oriented family, but I was drawn to these kinds of big questions about life. And what it was all about and just seeing the suffering and it was always kind of trying to understand why. And I think that was really my, my, that was the magnet. I think that I ended up finding the answers in silence.

Thal

Do you think it’s the silence then that took you towards meditation?

Aryne

I think so. I mean they’re, you know, like so many of us when you’re in your early twenties, it really is a time of finding out who you are and exploring. In my life that was kind of when there really was this crisis of identity. What I would probably call now looking back an early midlife crisis. An existential crisis of sorts where I was just kind of stopped and I think the interesting thing is I ended up coming out of it through silence. I think I had been trying to find the answers and kind of all the normal ways through study, through academics, through reading, talking, thinking, and it really wasn’t getting me anywhere. Eventually I had really nothing left. I have to kind of find a new direction and that was silence.

Adrian

When you mentioned silence, so are we talking about periods of not speaking or as well as in combination with reduction of external noise, you’re not listening to the sounds or what do you mean by silence?

Aryne

Yeah, good question, certainly not talking is a big part of it and certainly in meditation the not talking is a huge part of that practice, but I think the real definition of silence for me is silence inside. It’s so it’s when kind of all the mental machinery slows down and ideally when it stops. So, you know, in nature being on your own, being in a quiet space helps. But I think silence is something that you cultivate on the inside as much as you do on the outside, the changes the external environment you create for yourself. Supports the inner silence. I would say

Thal

You mentioned something about an early midlife crisis. So was that the point where you formally incorporated meditation?A

Aryne

Well, I think I had been on my way there for a while. I remember maybe when it was about 20, I really struggled with depression and eating problems and I was kind of drawn to this monastery and I used to go there for silent weekends and I found it very healing. It wasn’t enough at that point, but I, you know, I would spend time with Jesuits in the Franciscan monks in Ireland and being a non-religious person that seems like a strange thing to do, but those big, beautiful churches were so quiet and I found that was the only place I could find some peace and I think that kind of put me on that road towards formal meditation, which I ended up starting a little bit later, after meeting my spiritual teacher and she really helped me understand what silence on the inside was. Not just an external environment that you visit.

Adrian

Does an early experience come to mind, sort of your first taste or glimpse of a quiet internal landscape during that time when you’re just starting?

Aryne

Yeah, I mean even earlier, certainly. I was fortunate to grow up in a family that really loved nature and camping and those early experiences in nature, you know, the kind of archetypal sitting around the campfire, which is so much part of the human DNA. There was something very beautiful about that and you could feel everything quiet down inside when you’re out under the big sky around a campfire and that kind of sense of perspective where you start tuning into context rather than the content of what’s in your mind. I think I have those early imprints in my experience and I found that’s what I get through the formal meditation, which again, I started about age 25 and it felt very much like coming home. My very first course I sat down and you know, it can be a kind of a scary experience your first time entering in to a long period of silence where you’re not talking to anybody. It felt like, oh, this is where I’ve always meant to be. It was meant to be for sure.

Adrian

Aryne, you mentioned you started working with a spiritual teacher. What was that like as you were just beginning these practices and what was the teaching?

Aryne

Yeah, her name is Viola Fidor and she is a psychotherapist, but really in my mind, she is a spiritual teacher. She is one of these rare kind of psychological geniuses, like Eckhart Tolle were just in her presence, you feel different. There’s something palpably different about her energy and I think what she showed me being somebody who is very confident of my intellect, you know, I had a very strong analytical mind and it was always trying to figure things out and trying to understand, you know, in my head what I probably could never understand with my head. I think that was her biggest lesson and she’d always kind of sit there with this very small smile. As I was telling her, I understand the world, I’ve studied science, I studied philosophy, I kinda get it and she just kind of nod patiently, asked me to be open minded and she kind of gave me this practice of just quiet time. It wasn’t even formal meditation. It really was finding ways that you could slow down inside, kind of tap into that kind of deep inner pool of quiet that’s in all of us. That’s when things started to shift because I met her of course in a time of deep suffering in my own life and I had no where else to go at that point. I kind of tried every strategy my mind could come up with. I had read everything. I had run out of willpower literally. I was literally stopped in my life and silence was kind of the doorway that I never, I guess, at least in my head, I didn’t realize it was always there waiting for me and I think I just needed a little nudge and things shifted very quickly after that. So yeah, I do kind of credit her with probably the biggest transformation in my life at probably age 24.

Adrian

You went to her with symptoms of depression at the time, was that what the suffering?

Aryne

Yeah. Depression and an eating disorder. Yeah. I had been struggling for probably about five or six years on and off, you know, at different levels of seriousness, but at a certain point it really kind of stopped me in my tracks. I was in grad school at the time and it got to the point where I wouldn’t leave the house. It did reach a point where I wasn’t coping, you know, in for many years, nobody really knew I was struggling because I could kind of put on a facade and like many of us do, you get through life and nobody knows what’s going on in the inside, but at a certain point I literally couldn’t move in my life and that’s when I ended up at her doorstep quite literally.

Thal

There was no resistance on your part in terms of like when she told you just to sit in silence and here you are suffering. Was there any part of you resisting or…?

Aryne

I just remember at the time all I could do was cry and I think I was in so much pain, I was willing to kind of try anything and I think subconsciously I did have all these past experiences of silence and being drawn to silence that I think I just kind of put all my faith in her and in her presence and I was just willing to give it a go, you know, I think intellectually I was kind of skeptical perhaps, but I think the pain was such that I was like, well, I have nothing else to try, so I’m going to give this 100%.

Thal

The pain surpassed the intellect.

Aryne

It’s kind of a shame but for so many of us it really takes… Pain is often the biggest motivation to make a change or to really look at something. I had been trying, you know, the best way as I knew how to use my head and to try to figure out what was wrong. You can’t use your head to figure out existential problems. that was a hard lesson. Yeah, that was a hard lesson.

Thal

It sounds like within the silence there is a form of surrendering that happens.

Aryne

Yeah. Yeah. I mean the process is so…It’s very difficult to articulate in some ways, but it’s, it’s not like you’re learning new information. It really is about shedding and it is surrendering and it’s accessing a deeper level of understanding and wisdom that’s yours, but that’s kind of more than just yours. I think that’s kind of what you tap into in silence. In some ways, part of my identity had been wrapped up … I was a grad student philosophy at the time. So, you know, the intellect was very much valued. That’s certainly what modern day philosophy is all about. Part of that was letting go of that identity. So there was a bit of a surrender there to your “intellect is not up to this challenge”. I had to kind of finally accept that and see what else was there.

Adrian

Aryne, I know you kind of live almost two lives, in terms of your regular practice of returning to long intensive retreat and, and you know, in the day-world you have, you have a career and you know…you’re learning. When did that schedule of the regular intensive practice begin and how did you get inspired to do that? Because I can’t imagine a lot of people have been committed to that form of practice for that long.

Aryne

When I met my teacher Viola I was about 24 and silence became very much part of a regular practice for me. So usually once or twice a day I would sit in quiet and slow down inside very deliberately consciously and then one day in grad school a friend of mine mentioned Vipassana meditation, this Meditation Center he’d been to in Massachusetts. The moment he said that I thought, oh my goodness, this is what I need. It was one of those things, ironically, my meditation teacher said, if you have the seed of practicing meditation, as soon as you hear about it, you’re going to be drawn. And I think that’s really what happened to me and I signed up that day for a 10 day course and from that point on, I think I went when I was 25. I’ve been going every year and practicing meditation ever since. So it, yeah, it is become a very big part of my life when, you know, I would say most of my vacation from work, you know, because I am a working person it all goes to meditation, almost all of it goes to meditation.

Thal

You’ve been now practicing Vipassana meditation for almost 20 years. How did you practice shift or evolve from when you first started?

Aryne

Well, the first time I went, and this is probably true for most people, and I think both of you, Adrian and Thal, have done one of these 10 day intensive retreats. 10 days of silence. Like, Ooh, what’s going to happen? It is incredibly intense and sometimes difficult and certainly transformative. For me I never wanted to leave. The minute I sat down on that cushion and that big quiet room and started listening to the chanting, I thought, okay, this is it. I almost had this image of me as a monk or a nun in a past life. It was really interesting, of course, so much comes up…so much of the static that’s in your mind, you kind of regret this TV shows and movies and Youtube videos you’ve been watching because it’s all in there still. All of that kind static is bubbling up all the time. And then memories start coming up, personal pains, personal triumphs, regrets, you know, you’ve kind of have to start looking at all of that. So that was the very first experience kind of was all of that and in some ways it’s still that. 20 years later…it’s still all of that but I think what happens is that you get to the quiet faster and you know, from that time 20 years ago till now, my life has started adapting to become more in line with the silence of meditation. So, you know, even though my life was always quite simple and I lead kind of a somewhat nomadic existence, didn’t own a lot. My life really has shifted so that there’s quiet in my external world more and more. The things that I choose to do with my free time, the people I spend time with, a lot of them are quite aligned on the same spiritual path. The experience of meditation in some ways shifts and changes but I think it becomes this anchor, the center for your life more and more and I think that’s probably the biggest thing that’s changed over the last 20 years.

Adrian

Was that a deliberate move for you to start seeing the bleed over from retreat experience into your outer world? Or did it happen organically?

Aryne

Yeah, I think organically. I mean sometimes you’re making conscious choices and I think with awareness, and this is kind of the, one of the gifts that silence gives you is more awareness. You’re much more sensitive to your surroundings and so you just don’t want the noise and the drama and the static in your life as much. So that kind of shifts quite naturally. It doesn’t feel like you’re forcing and I think at times, you know, you get the meditation cushion and you get all of the external paraphernalia is accessories of silence or meditation but if you’re forcing yourself it tends to backfire. I think you have to let go of things naturally as much as possible. So it did feel quite natural. I would say is even now still…the experience on retreat: 10 days, five days, you know, I’ve spent a month in silence. It still feels a little separate from the rest of my life. In some ways I wish it wasn’t, you know, I wish and I guess the goal is ultimately to have that quiet, that silence on the inside, just be embodied throughout your life. I feel like what I do still, what I still feel like I need to do is go back regularly and it kind of feels like you’re quieting that pool inside or, or filling the tank or you knew there’s a number of different metaphors I guess I could use, but I keep going back and the silence deepens and it lasts sometimes a bit longer…and when I’m feeling like ugh…it’s very clear when I need to go back. The more time you spend in meditation, day to day, the more silence you have in your life, the better. That still kind of the work I think that I’m doing right now, is to see how I can extend the feeling and the peace and the insight and the wisdom that you get through the silence of a retreat environment and bring that more and more into daily life. It’s hard.

Thal

It is…I remember after…my first experience in Vipassana meditation, the 10 days, just going back to my regular life…there was… Like I missed my family, but I did not miss the noise. That must be hard to shift and to do that regularly…

Aryne

I mean the transitions do become easier in some ways, although you are definitely much more sensitive. I mean it’s like you’ve pulled down a lot of the armor, the defenses against daily life. I mean, I live in Toronto, it’s noisy, it’s busy. I work full-time, so the transitions have become easier. But again, I think, you know, my, where I live, my home is very quiet. I don’t have a TV actually, I don’t have a radio, even don’t even have the Internet, so I’ve kind of slowly, quite naturally just given these things up because there is a bit of a sanctuary when I come home and I feel like I need it, you know, and I’m quite happy to have my evenings and weekends very quiet now…I still look forward to the retreats, you know…I try to go at least two, three, maybe even four times a year if I can find even just small ones, you know, four or five days at a time is kind of enough to just kind of remember and I remember that’s actually one thing my teacher Viola told me is that we will sometimes get off the path, we’ll kind of get lost a little bit again. The answers will always be there in the silence and that has proven, has been proven true to me again and again in my life. There is a deep faith that I have in it actually where if I’m struggling or even trying to work at a problem, sometimes even a problem at work. I know the answers will be there waiting for me if I can, if I can find the quiet.

Thal

I think the first thing I think about when you’re talking about that especially…I find it fascinating that, you know, in your house you don’t have the technological distractions. Someone out there listening to you talk about silence and how you lead your life and like they’d probably ask why they don’t want to part ways from Netflix or whatever. What are the benefits of incorporating more silence in our life?

Aryne

I’m getting, there’s so many things I guess that in it’ just become such a normal part of my life. So very practically, we start very practically. So I was just recently on a 10 day meditation, very typical. I came back at the beginning of December and some of my colleagues at work where where’s Aryne and they were talking about it and kind of trying to understand why does she do this? Some of them were making jokes about…I’d have to be kidnapped or I’d have to be sick or you know, they kind of came up with these kind of very dramatic scenarios for having to actually unplug and step out of life, quote unquote, for two weeks. I kind of came back and I started laughing. I said, you know, you can’t do this by choice, but, one thing that they do know is that I come back with lots of ideas. I think the first very practical thing that silence offers anybody is enormous creativity, you know, even for things that work for relationships, for your life, for a direction that you want to go, there’s so much there when the static quiets down in your mind when everything slows down, it’s like, you know, that eastern metaphor of the pool, the pond, and it’s, it’s kind of always, wavy and there’s a lot of thrashing around day to day in most people’s lives. Storms, yeah, there’s, there’s a lot of storms. And so if you stop and slow down and eventually just be still the pond,you actually see to the bottom. That’s really a metaphor for insight. So as soon as you quiet down, all of those ideas have room to kind of flourish…I write novels in my head…I write campaigns for work in my mind. You know, it’s very enriching. So that idea of creativity just needs space, you know, everybody is creative whether you’re an artist or not, and I’m not an artist, but the creativity that we all need to kind of lead meaningful lives comes in the silence. That for me is the first piece. The second is, is really insight, you know, understanding yourself, understanding life, understanding others, you know, I mean, you guys probably had this experience too. You run through conversations and scenarios in personal life and professional life with others relationships and you really start getting some insights about what was really going on at that point and it gives you an opportunity to examine a little bit more objectively. I played a role in that situation. Sometimes you have to go through the pain of that inner cringing because, you know…insight also comes with responsibility and so that’s part of what silence offers and not everybody wants that. But I found it has been so helpful in my interactions with others, with understanding myself. Holding true to my own values, kind of the direction I want to go in my own life. Things become very distilled and clear. Maybe the third thing I’ll mention and there’s probably so many more I could talk about, is at that deep sense of peace and I feel I’m very grounded and calm most of the time in my life. You know, there was a retreat I went on probably about three and a half years ago now, and the day after I got back, my dad died suddenly and it was in a way, an interesting test of what meditation and what that silence offers. I felt extremely calm through that whole…It was a very stormy time for the family. Of course there was a lot of grief, but I felt very anchored. The interesting thing was I felt it was just very natural that he died. Like that kind of wisdom, I think without even realizing. It just starts infusing you through silence. That it was very sad and there was kind of a bitter sweetness to it for me, but I didn’t have the raw grief that a lot of the people around me had and I think it was hard for them maybe to understand, but I think that’s what the silence gave me. So those are the first three things that come to mind.

Adrian

It’s really interesting you mentioned that…I get the sense that quite often people misinterpret meditation as a way to escape discomfort as a way to like some sort of a warm spa for the mind, you know, it’s like a luxurious escape. But in that example, it’s clearly actually improving your tolerance with challenging experience.

Aryne

Absolutely. Yeah. You know what? I had a lot of people in my life, you know, none of my family members meditate or have found the same kind of solace or have made the same commitment to quiet that I have. There was a little bit of curiosity around, are you escaping or you just avoiding life by going away. Especially for these longer retreats. I’ve lived at meditation centers for months at a time, so it has been a big piece of my life. The reality is it’s the opposite. You know you’re kind of forced to face everything in silence. So I mean there is a huge benefit, but, you know, I don’t like to say that there’s a price, but you know, you have to give a lot of yourself and you have to be willing to kind of look at everything. Everything that you’ve said or done that you regret is kind of, is right there in the mirror for you in the silence.

Adrian

It’s not all UNICORNS and rainbows.

Aryne

Meditation is not really about getting somewhere? It is a process. I think that’s probably another maybe misconception, but it is like a mirror. The silence is like a mirror and so you have to be very willing to look. Once you are, you know, there’s so much to be gained, but it’s definitely not an escape.

Adrian

I imagine you must have considered living a full monastic and becoming, you know, a full time meditator. What keeps bringing you back to the outer world?

Thal

Back to the noise…

Adrian

and worldly activities?

Aryne

Yeah and I have many times over the last 20 years wondered whether I should live a monastic life and sometimes I joke I’m a secular nun. I went so far as to actually write letters to well known monks and ask, you know, is this possible for a Western woman to become a nun? It’s very difficult. I mean, there are of course women who have for me, um, you know, of course I have family and friends and I am very drawn to service I guess in a way and being part of the world. I totally respect people who do lead the monastic life and those are the people I read. Those are my teachers, but for me it just doesn’t seem part of the Karma for this life. It really doesn’t. It feels like suffering is out in the world and I’m interested in helping. I think that’s what drew me to silence in the first place and I feel like that’s what I want to help in the world. That’s, you know, like you guys have, that’s part of the work that I want to do while I’m alive.

Thal

So speaking of going back to your work, your work is very involved in the community and so I don’t know if you want to share with us how that silence and the meditative practice informs your work?

Aryne

Sure. Well, I’m an educator and counselor and so certainly with my one on one clients, cultivating a quiet mind is definitely the foundation of my work with people. I honestly, I don’t know how to get around the big problems that we’re dealing with our own personal suffering without quieting down inside because I don’t see how you can really have access your own wisdom and strength without quieting down because for me that work is about realization. It’s not about learning new things. It’s about kind of stripping away and getting down to who you are and the strength and the wisdom is there already. In the work that I do more publicly as an educator. I do find certainly the insights and the programs I create are certainly informed by my practice of silence. I get lots of ideas on retreat or when I’m quietly, you know, at home on the weekends, that’s when I tend to do a lot of that work. But the educational programs, I run tend to have a lot of reflection and journaling and they’re not rushed. I find right now, you know, as adults, you go to conferences or some kind of learning program and it’s just like this fire hose of information that’s being kind of shot at us all the time. It’s so exhausting and our minds cannot learn that way. We cannot take that much information in. So in my leadership programs and the programs that I’m running right now, slowing down, having time to integrate the learning is really for me a core principle an I’m pretty stubborn about it. I don’t want to do programs that are just, you know, information out.

Thal

Information heavy.

Aryne

I want people to reflect on who they are, why it’s important for them, how it’s relevant, how they can apply it. I think they’re much more enriching experiences for everybody.

Thal

In fact, that’s the first thing I sensed when I left my only one 10-day retreat is the distraction and the noise. And so I can’t imagine how it is for you that, you know, having to come back to that noise every, every time. Yeah and the intensity of it.

Adrian

Actually on that note, do you have advice for people who may have experienced retreat and re-entry tips since you’ve done it so many times? How do you feel, you know, what can you offer as a tip?

Aryne

Well, I mean, ideally if you can take the first day off of work when you get home from a retreat, that’s really a wonderful gift to yourself if you can. It’s not always possible. Often I cannot do that because I’ve already just taken eight, 10, 30 days off of work. A day off is wonderful to kind of just re-integrate into your own space, family, if you’re living with others. All of that energy on retreat is being held on the inside and what you really start noticing is that energy is going out of your eyes, out of your ears, out of your mouth, out of your body when you’re out in the kind of average day to day world. Being really gentle with yourself, not planning a lot that first week or two, kind of reducing the busyness of life. I mean that’s kind of a longer term commitment. That’s wonderful. If you can make it to just to kind of slow down in your life. Certainly turning off the radio or the TV or the computer in the mornings, having quiet in the mornings. It’s almost like an anchor for your day and certainly maybe at the end of the day as well. That’s the one thing I’d recommend to clients day to day, but certainly after retreat, anchoring your mornings and evenings with some silence can really help to process. And definitely time outside to breathe, breathe some fresh air. Yeah, so all of those tips.

Thal

So it’s energy, like leaking energy and also absorbing all kinds of energy.

Aryne

Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, you don’t realize until you spend a longer period in silence the impact that the world is having on you and that you’re having on the world and that energy exchange is happening all the time, very unconsciously. I think that’s one thing you do become very attuned to and you can keep that awareness if you keep going on retreat, if you keep cultivating that practice of silence in your own life. That sensitivity is kind of that feedback loop that’s always with you and you start making choices differently. It’s almost like pieces or peace and quiet as the rudder of your life. Once you’re kind of committed to that, then the direction of your life just kind of shifts very naturally. You know, you start doing things differently.

Thal

It’s interesting because Adrian mentioned earlier that one of the misinterpretation around meditation is that it’s an escape. But also the flip side, the other misinterpretation is that people see it as something…that they don’t want to face their pain and they don’t, like, it’s, that it’s not an escape, but it’s just too much and that they can’t, they cannot handle it. What kind of advice can you offer on that?

Aryne

Well, I mean, not everybody’s going to want to commit to five days, 10 days or more of silence right away. Certainly that’s understandable. I think kind of anybody could just look around our world and there is just too much noise. There’s too much distraction. I think that’s not a coincidence. I think we are trying to escape from a lot of, you know, these existential issues, the crisis of meaning that you guys have talked about. Certainly there’s a lot of suffering politically in the world right now, environmentally in the world right now. You know, entertainment, work, technology and all kinds of things that we use to kind of numb our experience and so silence is really the opposite of that. Instead of activating your nervous system and putting input into your nervous system, what you’re doing is just letting it settle and it is disconcerting at first and so small moments of silence is probably a good way to start. In the morning, again, don’t put on the TV or the radio. When you’re in the shower, actually just feel the water, feel the soap on your body. Those moments of mindfulness can be a good way to start. I sometimes even would suggest to clients a bath that’s kind of a nice way to start light a candle, have a bath even just 15 minutes. Certainly being out in nature is a wonderful way or moving through yoga, things like that are kind of kind of these gateways. I think at the end of the day. I think we all need is to be able to just sit quietly in your own presence. I think that’s where we all need to get to, but certainly that might not be the first step on the path.

Adrian

The word that’s coming up to me is finding a rhythm because naturally we go through rhythms in our lives where there’s periods of lower activity and rest like we have circadian rhythms. We are, we are drawn towards resting and not moving, but then we go through periods of the day where were hyperactive and it’s finding that rhythm perhaps to where it aligns with, you know, with your, your proper output. I’m reminded of my days in exercise and the importance of perhaps interval training and using the idea, having periods of high intensity, but followed with enough rest in between that you can recover and go back into the intense workload.

Aryne

I think the one thing you know when I read these great spiritual teachers is the silence is always with them, at a certain point it it, it doesn’t become a state that you cultivate on retreat or in a meditation sit. It really is something that stays with these people, these great teachers where they are just silent inside all the time. They can turn on their minds as a tool when they need them, but the mind isn’t going all the time and I thought, oh, what a wonderful place to get to, and I think when you’re on retreat, for example, you do get to those stages where you’re fully awake and alert and aware in your mind is just so quiet and it’s this incredible piece that you can have all the time, but it’s a practice. It is that practice. Right now at work, you know, your mind is fully on work and you do your work and or when your with another person, a loved one then you’re fully present with them. The more and more your mind can be quiet in the background, you just are more present for everything that you do. So that’s, I think that’s the goal of silence is again, not the noise externally, but the noise internally it, it just tends to enrich everything. I find.

Thal

You mentioned something earlier that once we strip away the noise and the static that we all can access this innate wisdom and that’s very empowering, especially for people who are stuck in patterns and in suffering to know that we all have that innate wisdom and that we don’t have to look for it externally and we just have to sift through our own garbage sometimes. I’ve heard you mentioned great teachers, who inspires you?

Aryne

Well, I’ve already mentioned Viola, of course, my meditation teacher, S.N. Goenka. I also like Almaas who is a Kuwaiti teacher, I think he’s got some lovely books about silence. Obviously, Eckert Tolle, The Power of Now. Most people in North America are quite familiar with him. I love David Hawkins is another one. there’s so many, there’s a lot of Buddhist teachers, of course, Thich Naht Kahn. He’s another well known teacher, but ultimately, you know, reading is the inspiration, but ultimately the greatest teacher is actually just sitting or cultivating that silence for yourself and however, in whatever way it works for you. So not everybody’s going to sit for formal meditation. I don’t think you need to actually, I think people need to find a way to quiet down their own minds. Even it could be sitting with your cup of coffee or a cup of tea in the morning and just watching at your window. Like it could really be that simple and informal. Yeah, the reading of kind of the greats is really inspiring. You know, one of my favorite books actually from the time I was a teenager and I still read it like the Bible now is Thoreau’s Walden. He was one of those first explorers of the internal world, I guess that was much more made public in North America. He kind of brought some of that eastern philosophy over here to the West and he kind of lived fairly solitary life for two years, you know, beside Walden pond as the story goes. He did have interactions with people. The time he spent just witnessing nature and witnessing his own mind and being on his own was so enriching. For me reading him is just so inspiring and it actually literally puts me in that silent place inside. That is one wonderful thing that teachers and books can give you is it actually puts you in the right frame of mind so you can access that quite pool of silence inside quite easily.

Adrian

Aryne, do you think there’s something about the communal aspect of retreat practice? Because maybe, maybe those like we’ve never been. What they might not realize is that although you are in solitude, you are practicing with lots of other humans close by sitting right next to you in front of you, behind you. Do you think there’s something to that about the practice with others in the same room, even though it’s an individual experience that you’re going through? That’s part of the impact?

Aryne

Absolutely. It’s incredibly supportive. In a formal meditation retreat or another silent retreats I’ve been to seeing kind of. It’s almost like these brothers and sisters are walking on the same path and it’s like you’re holding each other up. If you’re having a hard day or you know if memories are surfacing or there’s a problem that you’re grappling with or a regret that you’re kind of ruminating on, you know, being around others who are probably going through a similar experience is very supportive and it kind of gives you the courage and the energy to keep going. I know for me, even sometimes my experience on retreat is, you know, you’re given a meditation cell which is this very small, dark room. Very intense. Very quiet. It’s wonderful, but sometimes it’s too much. So going back and sitting with others helps you calm down and helps you make it through the day. You kind of do feel it’s kind of this strange phenomenon. I don’t know if you guys experienced this too. You feel so close to those people when you come out the other side, all these people, you’ve never heard the sound of their voice, but there’s a sense that you kind of know them and I think what you end up getting to is that just the essence of who these other human beings are, you’ve kind of accessing and connected to that part of them. It’s beautiful. It’s this wonderful kind of love that you’re feeling for these other people that have had probably a quite a similar experience.

Adrian

Yeah, definitely, for me, I think on that last day, when we break silence and you actually for the first time hear each other’s voice. First of all, you’re surprised by their voice, oh, I didn’t imagine that voice would come out of that person, but on that sort of graduation day, it is what it felt like was, you’re actually right, there is this bond. Even though there was not much of an exchange throughout the week, it’s just the movements were done together. You marched along to the kitchen hall together, you marched back to your dorms and you kind of repeat the next day, the same time, and just that repetition was part of it and coming out of it you feel really connected to these people and a lot of them I might, I probably just would never see again and but you remember that. Actually most of their faces are still very prominent in my memory.

Thal

What stood out for me was the conversations. There was no small talk right away, depth and just sharing and open heart and even crying and yes, love.

Aryne

Earlier you asked me some of the benefits of silence, I think one of the things that’s for me that one of the most beautiful things, and I kind of know I’m in a good place in my life when this happens, is there’s this…I guess a deep sense of compassion that silence gives you because it kind of strips away, like you said, there’s no small talk. All of the superficialities stripped away, and you kind of see into the heart of other people and, and there’s a sense of, everybody’s trying their best and we’re all kind of on the same journey together. So there is that sense of brotherhood and sisterhood. So after retreat when that stripping away has happened, often I find myself tearing up on the subway or at the shopping center or in a restaurant, you just happened to look and you see somebody and it’s almost like you see directly into their humanness. I’ve been known to weep in coffee shops.

Thal

That’s a good thing,

Aryne

But it’s not out of sadness. It really is out of a sense of deep connection and compassion. It’s kind of funny because nothing has happened, you know, somebody just riding the subway or having their coffee. But I take it as a good sign and I think that is one of the most beautiful gifts is that kind of compassionate and sympathetic joy and sense of connection with others that silence also offers.

Thal

The word that comes up for me is simplicity, is that, there’s beauty in simplicity. Our humanness is not as complex as we think it is.

Aryne

There’s something that I’ve been thinking about lately and when you feel that silence, when things have quieted down inside, it shifts kind of almost in a way time, things slow down. Your life doesn’t feel like an emergency anymore from kind of an experiential perspective. You kind of make decisions in. It is just kind of the experience of your life is calmer so silence does tend to affect time, but also space in some ways it’s a metaphor, but it kind of almost gives us buffer. It gives this distance. So when you’re in your life interacting with others at home or at work or whatever, often, we’re so reactive and I think that is a, maybe a consequence of things moving so fast. I think because science slows things down, it also gives some space between you and the situation where you can actually make a decision and you can make a choice. You actually have inner freedom and maybe that’s one of the other great gifts that silence gives. It gives you the space between what you’re going to do in the situation. If somebody says something that bothers you, you know somebody pulls in front of you in the car and what is your reaction? Often it’s one of anger or irritation or hurt, and I think the space that silence gives is somewhere where you can find the freedom to kind of look at something a bit more objectively and make a choice rather than just react in the same way you’ve always reacted. That is one piece that kind of just keeps growing the more and more you cultivate silence, that’s something that I don’t think I’ve lost. That’s something that just keeps growing and strengthening is that buffer, that distance between me and whatever’s happening in the world. I don’t feel I’m so much a victim of life circumstances anymore and that’s kind of a wonderful thing that you feel, not so much in control of life, but you have more control over yourself in your own reactions.

Thal

It’s amazing that you mentioned the connection between space and time and silent meditation. I just want to share this with our listeners. Just being in your apartment is an experience. It’s very quiet. Lots of books, not a lot of technology noise. It is important what you said considering social media, you know, there is, I don’t know why, I was just thinking what Snapchat when you’re talking about reaction. It’s just the nature of those apps and how people are, how we’re constantly reacting to each other to other people’s lives and how silence can give us a perspective and you know, perhaps some people may listen and think, how is this relevant to my life? In fact, it is.

Adrian

Yeah. It really strikes me is because we are living in the information age and there’s, this seems like there’s this race to accumulate more information, you know, get an advantage where what you’re describing the cultivation of silence is that what you really get is a perceptual advantage. It’s a change in perception not merely just having more ammo to use, but these almost mystical things that you’re describing, changing time, having the control to actually alter your experience of time and what that actually opens up as an opportunity. One of the challenges is that we’re talking about these things, but it’s experiential. That’s the other thing too, is that we’re using words that are always going to be insufficient to describe the direct experience of what it is that you’re sharing with us. Is there anything you can share with us perhaps those who are meditating that have never gone on retreat and maybe they’re doubting that they can ever even fit it into their lives or they have all sorts of reasons that, you know, that is preventing them from having the experience. Is there anything you might want to offer as a way to kind of walk them through if it’s something that you feel is…

Aryne

Certainly anybody who’s interested in silence or meditation? I would absolutely recommend a retreat. I mean, I’ve known so many people over the years who have had zero experience with meditation old or young and they jump into these long intense retreats and they make it and they get so much out of it. It’s a transformative experience even if they never come back. So if you are interested in silence or meditation, there’s so many places where you could do a weekend or Vipassana certainly offers 10 day retreats that are free of charge. They’re wonderful experiences. I would just say, you know, you can do, it is kind of scary and it can feel a little intense, but generally, there’s people there to support you. You’re well cared for…I think it’s just one of those kinds of leaps of faith at some point you have to do. For me there’s been nothing else that’s been as enriching as longer periods of time in silence. So whether that’s a long camping trip solo, a weekend retreat in your home or something more formal where there’s some teaching or meditation or silence. There’s probably nothing that really replaces it.

(silence)

#8: Cognitive Tools to Wisdom With John Vervaeke

The meaning crisis that is currently unfolding in our culture is producing a form of existential angst that is gnarly, messy, and very real. There is a palpable collective low-grade anxiety that can be felt on all levels. We may turn to various distractions or succumb to a silent form of apathy.

On this episode, we interview John Vervaeke. Speaking to the meaning crisis, John’s work is centred around bridging the gap between science and spirituality. He talks to us about psycho-technologies such as meditation and psychedelics as tools to help us overcome self-deception and move towards wisdom. We also navigate the world of altered-states and transformative experiences. John has been with the University of Toronto since 1994 as an Assistant Professor teaching courses in the Psychology department, Cognitive science program, and the intersections between Buddhism and Mental Health. He has won numerous teaching awards. John is the first author of the book “Zombie in Western Culture: A 21st Century Crisis”. You can find his most recent series on YouTube titled “Awakening from the Meaning Crisis.”

Highlights:

  • Knowledge vs Wisdom
  • Overcoming Self-Deception
  • Meditation and Psychedelics as Psycho-technologies
  • Convergence of Cognitive Science and Spirituality

Resources:

Listen:

Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Adrian

John, welcome. Thank you for coming on the show.

John Vervaeke

Great. Glad to be here.T

Adrian

I was sitting and thinking about all the different things we could really explore with you. At a basic level, I see all the stuff that you’re doing, all the research and lectures that I’ve watched seem to be trying to bridge or unify science and spirituality.

John Vervaeke

I think that’s very fair representation of what I’m trying to do. I see the situation that we’re in culturally in the West right now is one that I’ve called the meaning crisis. Many people are converging on this topic, and you see increasing number of books even talking about this. The Malaise of Modernity by Taylor or the Crisis of Modernity. These kinds of books are proliferating. I don’t just mean quantitatively, the quality of somebody like Charles Taylor is bringing to bear his enormous philosophical acumen on this, it tells you that something central is going on. He followed that up in The Secular Age. So I think all of us are concerned with what do we do with our spiritual heritage. So I mean, we come from this period. I’ll often do this with my students in class. They’ll say, how many of you read anything from the bronze age? How many of you read the Epic of Gilgamesh, the Egyptian myth. Nobody reads that. I’ll say, well, how many of you read Plato? A lot of people put up their hands or the Bible. A lot of people, you know, Confucius, lot of people. why are those people sort of ours and the people before the Bronze Age clubs aren’t? There’s some controversy about this, but I think I agree with many people like Bella and Karen Armstrong that around 600 to 300 BCE. We went through this radical transformation, right? That laid the foundations many of the foundations for what we call Western civilization. That axial revolution gave us kind of a grammar, the fundamental grammar for our spirituality and what had happened is before the bronze age collapsed and then the axial revolution that follows it during the bronze age you had a much different view of the cosmos so that there was a lot more continuity. It was like a continuum between the natural world, the human world and the world of the gods. Right? It was much more sort of a continuum of differences in power. So it wasn’t strange for a very powerful human being to be godlike or even a god perhaps like in ancient Egypt. Then what happens when the bronze age civilization collapses is that continuous Cosmos tends to be to be challenged. Sorry this is a bit of a speech, but I need to lay some groundwork here. What happens is there’s a dark age and then there’s an invention of a bunch of psycho-technologies. We can talk a little bit later about what a psycho-technology is. One of the most important is alphabetic literacy. Another one is coinage and what they both do is they are invented for very practical reasons, but the thing about alphabetic literacy is it makes literacy available. The thing about literacy, you think about how much it empowers your cognition. If I were to take literacy from you, most of the problems you try to solve most of your information processing, collapse and look around you. Everybody is using literacy. The other thing they’re using is numeracy. And that’s what coinage does. Advanced numeracy, advanced abstract, symbolic thought. People get these psycho-technologies and they, they internalize them because they’re using them everyday and automatically. See the thing about technology is it, it spreads beyond where you originally use it. What happens is people’s cognition is suddenly amazingly bootstrapped and they’re seeing the world, right? They’re getting what Bella called second order cognition. They’re getting much more critically and self aware. And this is what seems to be prototypical of the age. It’s the rise of what’s called theoretical man. Sorry for the sexist term, but that was the traditional way of talking about it.

Thal

It can also be noise.

John Vervaeke

Uh what? The psycho-technology?

Thal

Well yes, being bombarded with text and numbers and all that, and a lot of people become disenchanted with being bombarded.

John Vervaeke

Well, that’s part of what I want to talk about. Part of what I want to talk about is the fact that when we got the axial revolution, when we had that bootstrapping and people became much more self critical. What happened was they create this sort of legacy and when we’re in danger of losing the legacy precisely because of what it has given us. What happened to us before there was this continuous cosmos, but as people became very critically self aware, they, they gained a tremendous sense of responsibility that they were responsible for the violence in this suffering in the world. It wasn’t just a natural part of the world because they have become very aware of how self deceptive the mind was. this is where you get this emerging awareness of how much the mind can create illusion and self deception. So what happens, right, is before the axial revolution, wisdom is about fitting into this continuous cosmos. It’s kind of like you know, the, the, the vulcan way of life, living long and prospering, right kind of thing. After the axial revolution, people are like, they’re really aware of their capacity for self deception, but there are also simultaneously because these two go together, aware of their capacity for self transcendence, right? What they do is they change the notion of wisdom. It’s not about fitting in because you don’t want to fit into this everyday world because this is the everyday world of illusion and self deception and suffering. Instead what you want to do, wisdom is about transcending, rising above, freeing yourself from those self deceptive processes and what happens is right and the degrees to which this is taken literally and it’s understood philosophically or mythically like Plato, but nevertheless you get this. You get this grammar of two worlds, the everyday lower world of illusion and suffering into which we have fallen and then there’s an upper world or the real. The really real world and wisdom is about getting there. What develops is people start developing entire sets of psycho-technologies for trying to enhance. You can see it in Buddhist mindfulness. You can see it in a platonic theoria. There’s all these psycho-technologies that are developing and think about how a lot of this way of thinking right has just become natural to you. It’s becoming your grammar. Now the problem is we have this tremendous heritage that gives us all these psycho-technologies for dealing with how we can deceive ourselves and get enmeshed in foolishness, but they’re bound up with this two world mythology, this two world grammar and the problem is for a lot of historical reasons that dovetail with the emergence of the scientific world view. We don’t have that two world mythology anymore. Very few people, and I don’t mean to step on anybody’s religious toes, but very few people believed that there is a supernatural world or an other world above and beyond the scientific worldview. What happens is all of these psycho-technologies that are still effective because of the way they work with cognition are now orphaned. They have no world view that legitimates them. That legitimates them to into a systematic set that really helps you cultivate intellectually and existentially respectful manner like this wisdom and self transcendence we’ve been talking about. So people thrash around and they try to cobble together little bits and pieces of discarded world views and they play with alternative realities and they alter their state of consciousness to try and get an alternative metaphysics. And they’re struggling to try and get back something that we’ve lost because there’s a deep sense, right? That the psycho-technologies were almost essential or at least indispensible to dealing with these deep issues of foolishness and flourishing. As our lives become more foolish and as flourishing becomes more and more difficult, our sense of connectedness to ourself, to the world and to each other is being radically undermined. That’s what I mean by the meaning crisis.

Adrian

It looks to me that part of your work is to actually come up with a new grammar that helps to unify this fragmentation that’s happening where everybody’s trying to claim, you know, that their version or their techniques are better, you know. Maybe that’s a nice place to actually lay down some understanding of how you view the mind. What are you talking about when you mention cognition?T

John Vervaeke

That’s a great question. The central idea is to try and understand cognition in terms of our capacity for problem solving. This is the initial and profound insight that goes back to Binet. When we started studying intelligence and that’s why we test it. We test it by giving people problems to solve and what has been found or repeated over and over again is that there seems to be a general factor. So if you’re solving a set of problems here, like it tends to be predictive of how you will solve. So spearman founders, right? Like he noticed that, you know, how kids were doing in math was weirdly predictive of how they were doing in English and how they were doing in art contrary to a lot of the cultural stereotypes we have. There’s variation in talent. I don’t want to, and personality and I’m not dismissing that.

Thal

Separation is an illusion. Part of separating between the different ways we perceive, separating between Math and English and how we perform is illusory.

John Vervaeke

Well. I mean there are some aspects that don’t transfer it.

Thal

Right

John Vervaeke

But there does seem to be a general factor. Yes. Underlying all of them are. People don’t like this because they tend to think of intelligence as sort of some sort of death sentence. In fact, we’ve got quite a bit of research coming out of Carol Dweck lab and others. How you think of your intelligence has a dramatic effect on how you’re living your life. The main idea is that you are a general problem solver. This mic that I’m talking into is a special purpose problem solver, it solves basically one problem, doesn’t really well in fact it does it way better than I could do it. Right? And this class is a special purpose problem solving. The thing about you is you solve a wide variety of problems in a wide variety of domains across many contexts, throughout a very long lifespan. What’s impressive is that capacity, we can measure that capacity. People don’t want to hear this, it’s the single best measure we have in the life sciences for human beings. If I can only get one thing from you, one variable in order to try and predict as much of you as I could, I want to know your general intelligence because that will give me the best set of predictions for you better than anything else. Personality variables come second. Self regulation abilities perhaps. Right? I wanted to understand like what’s the center of this? And initially I was just interested in this scientifically because I thought of this as the core of our cognitive agency and I came to the conclusion with the help of a lot of great people like Tim Lillicrap, like Richards, Leo Ferraro, Anderson Todd, Richard Woo. Just a whole bunch of people that I’ve just been so lucky to work with and continue to work with. The core, and this is convergent with other people’s works. So it’s not just my conclusion, but the core of this ability to be a general problem solver is your ability to zero in on relevant information and ignore the irrelevant information. That sounds sort of trivial because your brain devotes so much energy and effort to it that at the, at the level of your personal ego, you’re just taking for granted, you know, what’s standing out for you, what salient, what’s grabbing your attention because technically, scientifically, the amount of information available to you in this room is astronomically vast. All the possible ways in which you could put together your behavior patterns to interact with it, also explosive, and then all the information you have in your long term memory and all of the possible combinations, overwhelmingly vast. So this is what you don’t do. You don’t search it all because you can’t. You can’t search it all and yet, and this is what you don’t do either, you don’t look at everything and determine if it’s important to you or not because that would take the lifetime of the universe. So somehow, and this is sounds like it sounds like a magic thing or miraculous, you brain ignores most of the information and those three domains and somehow zeroes in on the relevant information in a way that fits you to your environment so that…and this is not a static thing, so you have to stop thinking of the mind and this is part of third generation cog-sci as something in your head, think about the mind more like Darwinian fittedness, like what makes an organism fit is not something in the organism or in the environment, but how the organism and the environment fit together. That’s what relevance realization is. It’s your evolving cognitive fittedness to your environment. I’ve done a lot of work on that and trying to understand that. And like I said, there’s just increasing convergence like sort of this is not meant to be self promotional meant to be the opposite. Many people are coming to similar ideas about this being a central thing and that it’s, it’s a dynamic self organizing self optimizing process. The insight I had. I suppose. Is that I came to the conclusion and I have a lot of argument for it, that that cognitive connectedness that makes us an intelligent agent is also the same sort of connectedness to ourself and the world and other people that’s at the core of spirituality so that your relevance realization machinery is inherently interested and invested because it’s a self organizing, self optimizing process, thinking about when you have insight, that’s the relevance realization process, feeding back on itself and restructuring itself. It’s inherently interested in and invested in this because it’s just foundational and it precedes you egoically. Relevance realization is there from the beginning, fitting your brain to the world and then your sense of self and how meaningful your world is co-emerge out of this ongoing evolving fittedness and that’s why it has this sort of primordial, mysterious depth to it. There’s so what I’m trying to get at, although there’s some hard brain science, I think emerging and dynamical system, self optimization, to point your listeners to so many things, right. There’s all these deeply spiritual aspects of this relevance realization that seemed to line up with a lot of the traditional stuff and then here’s the final gem and then let you guys talk. What if, what we’re doing when we’re overcoming foolishness and self deception and becoming wise is enhancing that capacity for relevance realization so that the wise person is the super insightful, super connected, super able to make meaningful connections person. Well that sounds both scientific and spiritual at the same time.

Adrian

What I want to ask you about is at the practical level, the practice of spirituality. You’ve mentioned psycho-technologies. How does that activate or get this process of relevance realization going or evolving?

John Vervaeke

I mean, we’re doing it already, but here’s where I think, the work of Keith Stanovich and others has had like a profound impact on me. Keith, I think he’s emeritus now, but he was also at U of T, at OISE, for the center of applied cognitive science. Really brilliant worker researcher and he’s just a amassed all this work. So remember I told you had an, and this will directly answer your question, it is directly pertinent. Remember how he remember how I said we have this general measure of intelligence, right? So what he showed is like you can also give people all these, all these experimental tests for how rational they are. So let’s say rationality is about using your intelligence best. Remember I mentioned earlier that how you relate to your intelligence has a big impact on how adaptive it is, right? What he was showing you, is that right? I think he’d be okay with me. This is my language, but I think I don’t think it’s imposing on him. That’s why I’m being a little bit cautious here. But I would say this, those very processes that make us so adoptive are our general intelligence are also the ones that really drive and enhance our self deception and make us vulnerable to self deception. I recently gave a talk about this on how as we’re making ai more like us, we’re making it more and more capable of foolishness. You can give people all kinds of rationality tasks and what’s going on in these rationality tasks, for example, I’ll give you a proposition you tend to agree with very deeply like, and I’m not taking a stance on this issue just using an example. Abortion is right. Okay. So you find people who either agree or disagree with them and then what you do is you give them two arguments. One is a valid argument that leads to the opposite of what they believe, you know, so let’s they believe abortion is right and here’s a valid argument that leads to the conclusion that it’s wrong. Then you give them a very bad argument that leads to the conclusion they like and you ask them to evaluate the argument, right? People vary on that because you can imagine what happens is a lot of people find super salient the product or the result of their cognition and they’re not stepping back and caring about or paying attention to the process. If you don’t pay attention to the process, you just go to the conclusion and right, and then so your ability to evaluate arguments is very, very poor. Now that’s very, very dangerous, right? Because it means we can’t use rational persuasion to alter people’s beliefs. That’s an example of many kinds of tests. So you can do all these many varied kinds of tests on how rational people are and what you he found was just like the measures for intelligence. They form a general factor of reasoning. They form a positive manifold. So then he asks, and this is what makes him so brilliant, right? He then asks this really straight, this really profound question. I mean he is a great scientist that makes complex things simple, right? He asks this profound question, so simply. Are the measures of intelligence identical with the measures of rationality? The answer is no. Overwhelmingly, no. On average, the correlation between the measures of your intelligence and the measures of your rationality are point three where, where it varies from none, which is zero to one, which is maximum. Intelligence is necessary but nowhere near sufficient for being rational. So what’s the difference? This is now the core of your question, what the psycho-technologies are doing is that there are ways of internalizing, practices and skills and ways of training your attention that get you to best applying intelligence to paying attention to how you’re using your intelligence. That sounds so trivial, right? But people, it takes a lot of practice and effort. So one thing he talks about is he, which is directly relevant to the ancient practice of stoicism and modern psychotherapeutic work in cognitive behavioral therapy. He talks about Jonathan Barron’s active openmindedness. This is a psycho-technology that makes you more rational. It helps you overcome the ways in which your intelligence makes you deceptive. So let me give you an example. I just flew back from Cuba. I told you that. Okay? So here’s what people. Your loved ones take you to the airport, right? You’re about to get on the plane and they’re oh safe trip and text me when you’re there. Basically what you’re doing is saying, don’t die, don’t die, don’t die because you’re terrified that they’re going to die on this airplane. Now, why are you terrified? Well, think about it. Your brain is trying to calculate the probability of things. Remember when I talked about that explosion? If you were to use pure probability theory, trying to calculate the probability of events is vast (inaudible). You can’t do it. So your brain does these two short cutting technique. It uses like a couple of what are called heuristics. It uses this availability heuristic. If I can easily imagine or remember something, I think of it as highly probable. Well, I can remember airplane crashes because they’re on the news and I could easily imagine it because my homo erectus brain goes” a big metal in the sky…no it will fall.” The other is how representative, how much does it sort of stand out? Then again, when there’s a plane crash, people make it super salient. They call it a tragedy a disaster and so you go in and the availability heuristic, which is very adaptive for you and the representative heuristic, very adaptive, this sort of frontline relevance realization, and they tell you this person’s going to die in a plane crash. This is self deception because you worry about them. Then without a second thought, you get, you go into the garage and you get in your car..

Adrian

Chance of dying goes up.

John Vervaeke

…which is the North American death machine, right? So active open mindedness is about learning to see how these heuristic processes that are central to our adoptive intelligence can be present in our day to day behavior. What you do is you look for…you actively try to look for these heuristics misfiring. How often do you look for evidence that disconfirms one of your beliefs as opposed to just finding evidence that confirms it.

Thal

I just have to say I’ve been enjoying what you’re saying and it’s in line with the questions that I have been sitting with prior to my own awakening in a way. My background is more literature. I also come from the Sufi background.

John Vervaeke

Excellent.

Thal

The way you’re talking for me is just giving language to questions that I’ve had in my mind for a long time. Your wording and everything you’re expressing is just answering very deep questions that are probably even pre language for me, so I don’t even have any question right now, but maybe more like..

John Vervaeke

You don’t know how often I get that comment. It always takes me a little bit aback and I get it informally and student evaluations in my courses, but I get it like in spontaneous situations, like, just happened now. People often talk about me giving them a vocabulary even for before, and this is like an or a grammar like we were talking about earlier before they could articulate it itself, but nevertheless, it resonates very deeply with us.

Thal

It excites me because I just started my journey as a doctoral student in Transpersonal Psychology. Right. That’s where I’m like, okay, I want go into that space where science and spirituality meets. I’ve been in the spiritual space for a long time, but because using your words, a lot of the way my cognitive space was working, I didn’t have the language to explain what was going on. I’m hoping that with the recent work that you’re doing. I’ve had experiences in the psychedelic space where now I have the language. I get it.

John Vervaeke

I think that’s excellent. I think that’s a great point because I want to be clear the active open mindedness that I mentioned is just one psycho-technology. We step back and become aware of another important one, our mindfulness practices. So whereas active openmindedness is about paying attention to how your adaptive process can mislead you when you’re making inferences. Mindfulness is about how can those how could this salience machinery cause you to basically deceive yourself at an attentional level? So what you want to do is you want to find as many of these, what I would say scientifically validated psycho-technologies and try to see how we can align them together and, and so there’s a lot of work right now and my lab is involved with it and I’m just involved with a lot of really great people about it. Daniel Craig is doing this great work. I want to continue to make it clear that I’m privileged belong to and to some degree lead a community. So we’re really interested in this question of what’s going on in both psychedelic experiences and spontaneous experiences that are similar. What I’m particularly interested in and what it aligns with the most is the aspect of the psychedelic experience with the mystical experience where the awakening experiences that align most with what we’re talking about is when people get a particular kind of experience. The Griffith lab did the same thing on this. There’s a difference between a psychedelic experience and a mystical experience and I think there’s a difference between a mystical experience and what L. A. Paul calls…if there is a book I can recommend to you L. A. Paul’s book on transformative experience is literally the book. I got to meet Lori and lecture in her class, I was very privileged to lecture in her class on transformative experience. So what I’m interested in, and Steve Taylor does this, talks a lot about this in his book and sort of Andrew Newberg. Normally when people have an altered state of consciousness, they do the following thing. They go into that altered state of consciousness. Let’s consider a typical one. You dream, you come out of your dream and you say, oh, that was weird, that wasn’t real. This is real. And why do you say that? You say that because, well, it doesn’t fit together very well. It doesn’t make sense and it’s not coherent with the rest of your life. Right? So this sort of coherent intelligibility that people sometimes have, there’s a subset of altered states of consciousness, higher states of consciousness, which can sometimes occur in psychedelic experiences. I don’t want to talk about when and where but they’ll have an experience and they’ll say that is more real than this. It’s that hyper-realness what I called onto-normativity, because it’s not why I call it that is, it’s not just, it’s more real. They feel like an obligation that they have to transform their lives and their identity so they can stay in contact. Remember that sense of connectedness. So they can stay in contact with that deeper realness. It struck me. I mean this is a really good scientific problem. Why? Here’s this bizarre experience. It doesn’t fit into the rest of their life. They often come back and they say it’s ineffable. I can’t tell why it has no content to it and yet they say it’s more real. It should be discarded. I was trying to get at what’s going on in these experiences that, right. Why are people experiencing them as more real? And secondly, is that a legitimate experience? Like because they’re changing their lives, right? And so you want to know, do those kinds of experiences, can they be ultimately enmeshed.

Thal

Practical.

John Vervaeke

That’s it. Can they be integrated with these other psycho-technologies? Could we, I mean, this sounds ridiculous, but could we come up with a set of psycho-technologies for these higher states of consciousness that would be nicely systematically working with active openmindedness and mindfulness. Could we create this systematic sap and so that’s, yeah, I’m really interested in it. The thing I would really tell your listeners and I’m not telling you what to do or anything, but I just, I just feel a responsibility. The transformation isn’t in the drug, right?

Thal

This is important to mention.

John Vervaeke

The drug isn’t, this…So like higher states of consciousness are tools, they’re not toys, right? If you’re using them in a situation where you have not put them within a set of psycho-technological practices in which you’re cultivating wisdom, you’re really looking for ways in which you are prone to self-deception. If you stick that into those, there’s a great chance you’re just gonna bullshit yourself.

Thal

Perpetuate that self-deception at a deeper level.

Adrian

I’m reminded of what Jack Kornfield who wrote first the ecstasy then the laundry because there is a real trapping in the pursuit of peak experience. So you have a glimpse and then you want to go back to it because it’s not sustained. You’re bringing this important point of the mundane everyday practice to bridge that.

John Vervaeke

What you see in ancient traditions like in the neoplatonic tradition, which greatly informs Sufism by the way. You see this tremendous philosophical endeavor to, in a deeply integrative fashion, create a worldview that tries to articulate this enhanced sense of meaning and intelligibility, the cultivation of all of these practices, right? And then, and then they’re integrated with these existential moral practices. So the idea of being rational and mystical are not oppositional. They’re supposed to be deeply intertwined, mutually constraining and mutually informing each other.

Thal

This was the split too in Sufism between the orthodoxy and the ecstatic poets. Where, in my opinion, the ecstatic poets were to mesh the rationality and the mystical, but because they were talking about the ineffable then the orthodoxy were unable to accept them and were considered as heretics.

John Vervaeke

I think this is a very important point. I think that pattern gets repeated. It gets repeated. I think also within Christianity, I mean, Meister Eckhart is almost, you know, he’s pretty much, he dies before he gets condemned as a heretic.

Thal

Even within science, there are those who would consider what we’re talking about as heretical in scientistic or scientism.

John Vervaeke

There’s all kinds of orthodoxies, right? And this goes towards your point, and this is another point I would want to make this is a broader issue about the ways in which I want to speak very carefully here because I’m not, I’m a scientist and I love science, but there’s ways in which the culture at large has been misled by science. What I mean by that? What science does, right? Is Science, and this is what the scientific revolution when it, it actually, it actually comes out of and then sort of solidifies and exemplifies a trend that had been growing in western civilization since the, around the beginning of the 13th century. What am I trying to get at? What science does is enhance your capacity for propositional knowledge, right? So propositional knowledge is your knowledge of what we call facts and people. You know, what a lot of the people that are, um, you know, rationality, this, on Youtube, and they talk about facts. Ask them what a fact is, is it made out of matter…What is a fact, what do you mean by that? What’s the metaphysics of a fact? Well, they’ll say, well, things are true. Okay, well what do you mean by true? What they’re basically talking about is propositional knowledge is knowledge of that something is the case. So what they’re talking about is that they have propositions that they consider are well-evidenced and well-argued, right? And that’s propositional knowledge and so that is a form of knowing that is centered on belief, that is why belief has become so central in our culture. We understand everything in terms of belief, why ideology is so powerful, because what ideology is…it is the attempt to replace spirituality with sets of beliefs that are supposed to be doing, but the problem is for all the terrific importance of propositional knowledge. It’s not the only kind of knowing we have.

Thal

It can be dogmatic.

John Vervaeke

Well not only it is dogmatic, which is true. I don’t deny that, but I think what’s happening in the case of the teachers you’re talking about, right, is that they try to represent another kind of knowing that has to a very large degree, been sort of quashed in our culture. Let me give you some examples. In addition to knowing that something is the case you have, you have what’s called procedural knowledge. You know how to do things. For example, you know how to ride a bike, which isn’t the same thing as having a bunch of beliefs like you know how to ride a bike. In fact, you’ll find a great deal of difficulty and actually putting into effective words what it takes to ride a bike. This is one of the gifts of the work in ai because we thought, you know it’s all about propositional knowledge. Getting computers to do propositional knowledge it’s hard, but we’ve gotten really good at that. Getting computers to skills like knowing how to catch a baseball. That turned out to be way harder than we thought because that procedural knowledge is much more embodied. It’s much more about that direct online fitting of the brain to the world, but in addition to that, because you’re a conscious being and consciousness is not the same thing as belief at all, right? Because most of your beliefs are unconscious. You, for example, believe that Africa is a continent. You don’t have to hold it in your mind or consciousness, right? Because you’re a conscious being. You have perspectival knowing. You know what it’s like to have this experience right now. What it’s like, what does water here? I’m having a drink right now. You know what it’s like to drink water and notice how ineffable that is. How would you explain that to somebody.

Adrian

The direct experience. That’s been directly experienced.

Thal

The embodied experience.

John Vervaeke

It’s a perspectival knowing. It’s how is your salience landscape being shaped and altered and what’s standing out to you and then what state of consciousness are you entering into and this is all not captured by your beliefs. Then finally, and overlapping with the procedural and the perspectival is participatory knowing this is the knowing you have not by altering your beliefs or even alter your state of consciousness. You have it by altering your identity. It’s the knowing you get by binding your identity to something and letting your identity being transformed in conjunction with how that thing is transforming. Hopefully this is why this metaphor was used in the mystical traditions. This is hopefully how you know the person you love, right? You don’t just have beliefs about them, that’s kind of creepy. You don’t just have skills about how to work with them. You should have skills, you know what it’s like to be with them, but there’s something deeper. You have become a person you could not have been or become other than in your relationship to them and also they have become in their relationship to you. So you know them by how differently you know yourself and the world in knowing them. Does that make sense?

Adrian

It reminds me of sort of that Buddhist notion of the dissolving in self and other.

John Vervaeke

Yes, it’s so. It’s very much that it’s knowing by identifying, its knowing by being at one, it’s knowing by sort of being dynamically coupled to something so that you’re getting reciprocal revelation and this goes to like what’s at the core of what is called third generation cog-sci and sort of it’s Heideggerian framework. Is this notion of a deeper kind of truth. Sorry, that’s going to make the wrong people in California happy. What I mean by that is like there’s propositional truth which is can be deep and profound like e=mc squared, but there’s also Aletheia, which is a Greek word that Heidegger uses. There’s a sense of, right before I can make sure my beliefs correspond to the world, I have to be connected to the world in the right way. There’s this irrelevance realization stuff again, so that right as the world discloses itself, it draws something for me and right and then that draws something from the world. They’re mutually growing from each other. And this is all part of what’s right and, and this can also be put into very scientific language about complex, complex systems and dynamical systems. But the basic philosophical idea is there’s this reciprocal, a revelation, reciprocal revealing of self and world. Now what’s interesting is my good friend Mark Lewis recommend his work highly, by the way. He’s one of the people that brought this whole dynamical systems approach into neuroscience. Also at UofT, he’s one of the. He wrote memoirs of an addictive brain. He’s one of the foremost people on addiction and what’s interesting, he’s got a theory of addiction that’s the opposite, which is what he calls reciprocal narrowing. So instead of addiction being thought of as just biological, by the way, that’s just not true. We have this model that addiction is this biological craving that your system has and that’s just insufficient amount. I like. I was at a conference in July, the Society for Philosophy and Psychology and they’re just one, one…That’s the wrong model of addiction, right? Because it doesn’t explain a lot of things. It doesn’t explain the fact that a lot of people would just spontaneously.

Thal

It is disempowering.

John Vervaeke

It doesn’t explain again that like a lot of people will just spontaneously stop being addicted when they enter their thirties. People will like, you know, all the people that were using heroin when, during Vietnam and then they returned to North America and they just stopped. They don’t have to go to treatment, they don’t have to go through Rehab. So he has instead this sort of what you may call anti-Alatheia model of addiction. What happens is right, because the addict’s salient landscape is being altered by the drug. The options in the world narrow a bit and because the options in the world narrow a bit, their right, their sense of self gets a little more rigid and you see what’s happening. It’s like this vicious cycle and as the self becomes more rigid, the world narrows and as the world narrows, the self becomes more rigid and you get this reciprocal narrowing.

Thal

Their cognition becomes impeded.

John Vervaeke

Yeah. It becomes you lose cognitive flexibility and and that’s exactly what’s happening in the things like PTSD and things like that. Right, and that’s why the psychedelic experience can be so liberating because what it can do is it can throw the brain into a state that it’s not normally in and break that vicious cycle, but it’s gotta be. It’s gotta be coordinated with therapy. It’s got to be coordinated with cognitive restructuring. Flexibility is great, but it has to be. It has to be. That engine has to be tapped in insight and a change in the sense of identity. Look we’re continuously in a process of co-identification. Look, I’m here right now. I’m assuming that identity, either professor or a scientist and I am assigning identities to you. Here’s a glass, I’m assuming identity as a glass grabber. This object is a water holder for me, even though it’s a million other things, scientifically molecules and all kinds of electromagnetic field. We’re always, always, always in this agent arena relationship. We’re constantly in this, you know, bi-directional fashion, creating identities in the world.

Thal

Assigning meaning.

John Vervaeke

It’s not in your beliefs, it’s in the way in which your world is either reciprocally opening up because your sense of agency is being opened up and the world is being opened up or it’s narrowing down in a self deceptive self destructive fashion.

Thal

I was enjoying like when we first started our talk like you, you gave some amazing historical context, but I was also thinking about what about those people that their cognition is so impeded and their sense of self is so rigid and so small and you know, they’re unable to break free from whatever cycle that they’re stuck in.

John Vervaeke

That’s a really, really important question and I’m hesitating precisely because I have so much to say about it.

Thal

That was the one question that was sitting me when you were talking in the beginning… I was like…how can I bring that in?

Adrian

It’s that inertia, right when you’re stuck like existentially with midlife crisis, quarter life crisis, whatever you want to call it.

John Vervaeke

I call it existential inertia, by the way. Let’s talk about. Let’s talk about this. Let’s devote some time to it if you’re okay with that, because I think this is. This is where these broad issues about wisdom and transcendence and the meaning crisis. This is where it comes to people when people get this fundamental stuck-ness, this barrenness, emptiness, voidness, futility, right? And by the way, Thomas Nagel is right. All the arguments people give for meaninglessness, none of them are logically valid. All right, well oh I’m so insignificant to time and space. So what…If I blew you up to the size of the galaxy are you better? Like, does that do anything for you? It’s not helpful. It’s not…what I’m doing does it matter a million years from now? Well, the argument is symmetrical. What they’re thinking of you a million years from now does it matter to you? He, he points out that all of these arguments are not actually logically valid. They don’t, they don’t lead to. So it’s not that people’s reasoning is actually leading them into this, but I think that’s basically a form of rationalization. I think you guys would put your finger on the actual issues. What are like, what’s going on in this existential inertia? I would say there’s another thing, there’s an existensial indecisiveness. So let’s talk quickly about both. We were talking about that agent arena. I was talking about this in one of my talks, but right, there’s a thing where like there’s a difference again because of the participatory perspectival, there’s a difference between believing something and actually it being something you live within.

Thal

Lived experience.

John Vervaeke

I want to really deepen that. I appreciate how you’re introducing it. I have some criticisms of how some people use that. I think that gets used often romantically as a way of…you have to be careful here because I’m not saying that everybody uses it this way. I’m not saying that I am not saying that, but what I am saying is some people use this as a way of doing what you mentioned earlier, Adrian, right? What they’re doing is they’re collecting important experiences of suffering or you know, or, or peak, you know, people look for tail ends of the distribution that will guarantee their uniqueness, right? There’s their narcissism by special, special uniqueness, right?

Thal

Thats the word, narcissism.

John Vervaeke

It is a response to the meaning crisis. That’s why narcissism is becoming such a problem for us. I want to deepen that notion. Let’s say like, sometimes this will happen to me like you’re reading a novel perhaps, or like for me, I’m reading like a particular philosopher, like Whitehead or something and I’m finding the arguments very persuasive and I’m getting all kinds of beliefs. Right? And it’s very propositional, you know, but then there’s this thing and it goes from being like propositional to being adverbial. I start seeing the world in a Whiteheadean way. I start feeling it, experiencing it, and I start to understand and experience myself in a Whiteheadean fashion. Now I’m living the worlview. It’s viable to me as opposed to. Right. And so I’m really interested in what makes, because it’s relation to the meaning crisis, what makes a worldview viable like that. And I think Harry Frankfurt’s work is really helpful here. He talks about um, whether or not something is, he calls it unthinkable. I don’t like that word, but that’s his term. So let me give you an example. My son, my oldest son, lives with me right now, right? So I can imagine kicking him out and I can make all kinds of inferences about what I would pay. Say more money. The apartment would be cleaner, right? So in one sense I can imagine, I can make an inference, but it’s unthinkable to me because I can’t make it a viable option. I can’t get myself into that process of identifying the world and I, I can’t get my identity and the identity of the world to be resonant in such a fashion that I could be the kind of person that would kick my son out the fittedness. So it just doesn’t work. It’s not viable for me. Now that’s positive. Right, and that has to do with love because it can think about it because you know when I was talking about that reciprocal revelation in Alethea though as the world is revealing its self to me, I’m revealing myself to it and those are deeply interpenetrating processes. That’s also, that’s also love. That’s why love has been used as a metaphor for this kind of participatory knowing. Right? In fact, if you do that with people, that’s what Erin’s work show. If you get people to do mutually accelerating revelation about each other, disclosure, you start to disclose a bit about yourself and that I disclose a bit more about me and then that makes you, and if we start getting into that, then that’s how you get people to fall in love. Whether it’s sexual or friendship, right? So there’s that love element that that reciprocal connectedness right now, that’s a positive version of it. And I remember talking to asking Laurie Paul about this, and she thought it was a good a good point. I said, but isn’t there a negative version of that? Where like, and I remember bringing it uo to Mark. I said, Mark, you’ve got the negative version. Where’s the positive insight? Because also say to Frankfurt, you’ve got the positive versus the negative. Can’t that reciprocal relationship. So bind you in, and this was your point, Thal, so binds you in that you can’t write. You can believe what you need to believe and you can imagine it, but you can’t unfold. You can’t, you can’t, you know, reverse the direction of the reciprocal relationship in that’s existential inertia. You get locked into a world that’s the existential inertia.

Adrian

Which is different from indecisiveness?

John Vervaeke

Indecisiveness is another thing. So let’s call it, let’s call that an existential to inertia and I want you to think about how important that is to therapy. Because when people come into therapy, they know they have to. They know what they have all the right beliefs about where they should be and they can imagine it. They could make mental images of where they need to be.

Thal

They can probably see their patterns too.

John Vervaeke

But they can’t get there, they don’t have the know how they don’t have the perspectival and the participatory knowing. Okay, let’s do the existential indecisiveness. Adrian, and this goes to the heart of Lori’s work. L. A. Paul’s work and transformative experience. She talks about transformative experiences and they’re, and they have this following kind of characteristics. She had this wonderful gedanken experiment. Philosophers do this, right? They put you in bizarro world and you play with it, and then once you sort of agree with, oh, that makes sense. Then they say, Aha, so this is what she does. She says, imagine the following. Your friends come up to you and they give you indubitable evidence that they can turn you into a vampire. Do you do it? And you go, what? And she says, well, here’s the problem you face. You don’t know what it’s what it’s going to be like. Remember the perspectival knowing to be a vampire until you’re a vampire so you don’t have that perspectival knowing, right, and you don’t have the participatory knowing, you don’t know who you’re going to be because when you become a vampire, your priorities and your sense of identity and your sense of agency, all that coin and all that’s going to be changed. So here’s the problem. You face, you’re ignorant. You’re deeply ignorant of the perspectival knowledge that you don’t yet have ahe participatory knowledge that you don’t yet have. So what do you do? What do you do? Well, I don’t do it, but then you don’t know what you’re losing. You don’t. No you don’t. No, sorry. You don’t know what you’re missing. You don’t know what you could be missing the best thing ever. Well then I will do it. Ah, but then you don’t know what you’re losing. You don’t know what you’re going to. You don’t know what you’re going to see. The thing is you can’t, you can’t do. So we typically, what we thought is, well, what we do in situations of uncertainty is we go we are bayesian in, right? We calculate the probabilities, we calculate the utilities, but you can’t calculate the probabilities. You can’t calculate the utilities because you’re absolutely ignorant. So what do you do, and so she said this is the thing is this is what she calls a transformative experience. When you go through this radical transformation of your perspectival and your participatory knowing. So people also face that when they’re in therapy, they face this existential indecisiveness, which they’re stuck in inertia, but they’re also contemplating changing. They don’t know how that’s part of the problem. But the other part of the problem is, well, what will I be losing when I go over there? What will I don’t know what I’m missing and I don’t know what I’m going to be. So they’re, they’re existentially indecisive. And you see, we used to have, you mentioned the Sufis. We used to have these broadly powerful traditions in which we had institutions and traditions and communities that gave people support and guidance and structure to transformative experience.

Thal

So that they plunge into the unknown…

John Vervaeke

But they don’t, like we sad, with the psychedelic, they don’t plunge into it like in an autodidactic fashion. Autodidactism is, uh, you know, it’s the worst way to do science. It’s the worst way to make literature. It’s the worst way to do poetry. It’s also the worst way to do spirituality. Right? Laurie sort of does that and she really wrestled her point, which is the brilliant point of the book is like our normal notions of standard rationality just don’t apply to transformative experiences. Laurie’s no romantic or like she’s a hardline.

Thal

It is funny that you use the word autodidact because I consider myself an autodidact and that’s what hindered me from my own progress. Absolutely.

John

You only have most of your cognitive flexibility comes from your ability to internalize the perspective of others and to internalize psycho-technologies from your culture at large. Right? And if you’re an autodidact, that’s often that self organizing adaptive intelligence just runs in its own echo chamber. So I got really interested in this problem, the transformative experience problem and how psychedelics and mystical experiences. So I started thinking, okay, Laurie’s right, you can’t sort of logic or probability or theory your way through it. So what do people do? Do they do the Kierkergaard’s leap of faith?

Thal

I was about to say that. Kierkegaard’s leap of faith.

Adrian

Do a test drive where they, they do little micro experiments.

John Vervaeke

Excellent. Exactly. So this is so, so let’s do this. So the point about the gedanken experiment, right, is you’re not going to vampire, but then Laurie says, but you face real decisions like this in your life. Here’s one, have a child, and if you haven’t had a child and I have had to two, you don’t know what it’s like until you’ve had one and you don’t know who you’re going to be because you’re going to be a different person after you. If you’re a good parent, right? Or you decided to enter into a romantic relationship with somebody. If all that participatory knowing we talked about, it’s going to happen. You’re going to be a different person in a different world. You don’t know what you’re losing. You don’t know what you’re missing, and then I pointed something out to Laurie, which she, she agreed with. I said, you know what? Every developmental change that the brain’s going through into all of our cognitive development, we’re facing these transformative things. She said, yeah, it’s that pervasive. So let’s go back to Adrian’s point because I think it’s excellent. What did people do when they think about having a child? He said like, they do the test run, so I looked around and so what people do is they get a pet and they do weird things with the pet like they get, they’ll take family pictures with it and they’ll take it on vacation with them. So they do this, they do this thing or in, you know, uh, my, my partner and I were talking about this when we we’re away going to Cuba. It’s like one of the things people do, but in order to decide to get a relationship as they go on a trip with somebody and I thought, okay, what’s going on here? What’s going on here? And I thought, oh, this is really interesting. So what people are doing is they’re engaging in a very serious kind of play, right? So think about like how a play object is, has two identities, the plastic sword, it’s a sword but it’s not a sword so you can play with it to see what it’s like, but it doesn’t have the danger. So same thing with the pat, same thing with the trip, right? So it’s this, it’s this, it’s an analogy, but it’s not a propositional analogy, it’s an inactive analogy. You’re acting it out and it, and it takes tremendous skill. Like a good analogy. It’s gotta get. It’s got to get the balance between the two worlds, right? It’s got to get. It’s got to keep you in contact with the world you’re in right now because you know you don’t want to lose it without right, without being able to judge, but it’s got to give you enough. It’s got a trigger, enough of that perspectival and participatory knowing so you get a real good taste and think of the word we use taste. A taste of that world and you and you got to get it perfectly balanced. And I realized that’s one of the things that was going on with the ancient gnosis. Gnosis was this participatory knowing that was supposed to bring about transformation by trying to get. Give people these inactive analogies, this symbolic way of interacting so that you could play right now. You need it to do one other thing. Let’s go back. So that’s going to deal with the indecisiveness by giving you the test run. What about the inertia? Well, here’s an idea that comes from sort of the central Plato, platonic tradition, but we talked about it already, right? Giving people psycho-technologies that get that, that process of reciprocally opening the world up. Plato had a word for this anagogie the ascent, right? And what you do is, and Plato had this great insight that if you get the psycho-technologies lined up in the right way, they will become mutually reinforcing. So what I want is I want psycho-technologies that reduce my inner conflict because it’s the different motivational centers are what skew my salience landscape and make me self deceptive. So here’s a typical one. You have, you have hyperbolic discounting. You tend to find presence stimuli, very salient and future ones, very non-salient. That’s why people procrastinate. That’s why dieting is such a failed industry, right? Recidivism rate is 95 percent. They only have a five percent success rate and they rake in billions of dollars, right? What you want to do is you want to make sure, and this is what was lacking, what Stanovich was noting was people was lacking. See, your intelligence makes things quickly, salient, to you. Remember the airplane crash, right? You’ve got to retrain your salience landscape so that it will tend to zero in on the real patterns as opposed to the illusory or false patterns and that takes a lot of practice. One of the ways you do that, plato saw is by working to try and get an optimal relationship between what you find salient, but also what you find true, right? So trying to get that part of you that urgently connect you to the world, talking to the part of you that can pick up on more abstract but real patterns. What Plato saw right is as that internal conflict goes down, my self-deception goes down. Because if my salience landscape isn’t radically skewed away from my truth landscape, if they’re much more talking to each other and consonant then I’m much less likely to engage in self-deceptive practice. But here’s the. Here’s the insight, as I reduced my self-deception by achieving inner peace, and that’s what was behind the stupid hallmark card, right? And we want inner peace with the idea that what I want, right? I have this meta drive to try and optimize these various adaptive ways of interacting with the world so that I get an optimal grip on the world. Right? But what plato saw as I get better at reducing this inner conflict, I start to see the world more clearly.

Adrian

What does that look like in practice? So I’m having a hard time what’s the exercise that Plato was referring to? Is it inner dialogue and like how do you.

John Vervaeke

That’s the thing, you’re not gonna find it in Plato because Plato is enormously. You’ll find it more on Plotinus and you’ll find it also like in the Sufi tradition, you’ll find it all these practices. So one of the things that you should be going to a mindfulness practice for is not relaxing, not feeling better. I’m actually going to be on a TV show for the fall The Beaverton, where I represent a scientist talking about mindfulness as opposed to people who are sort of practicing mindfulness to feel good.

Thal

I’ve heard people actually refer to mindfulness as…oh, this is bullshit now.

John Vervaeke

That’s right and that’s because mindfulness should be about education. It’s not a vacation, right? You should be going into mindfulness. To reduce. You should see a significant reduction reported to you by others in your self deception. That’s what it starts to look like and you start to see situations and people differently. Now as you start to see people and situations differently, you know what that means. You start to do, you start to understand yourself better and differently, so you now start to get better at aligning the psyche, which then means it’s better for you to see and understand. That’s how you can start to get that positive feedback cycle going. Does that make sense?

Thal

I’m just also thinking about spirituality also that some people even use that as a self deception mechanism. Totally. It just becomes a bypass and don’t go into the like your inner world and to reduce that inner conflict.

Adrian

I think part of it is how it’s sold to us. I mean, for me, I started diving into meditation practice only about three years ago, so I consider myself very early on the path, but the way that it’s often taught or the way I interpreted it is escapist version of meditation.

Thal

It has been my journey for seven years, Adrian.

John Vervaeke

It’s part of this sort of crypto romanticism. I mean that as a philosophical cultural project not romantic love although that where it came from too. Like romanticism with the idea, right? How can I put it here? Here’s how I would put it in a somewhat simplistic slogan, the idea that you have a true self, not at, not in a Buddhist sense or like the the inner machinery but you have an autobiographical self that you have to be true too, right, and this is, this is the opposite of the axial revolution is the aspirational self. Socrates was trying to help us realize and cultivate and through wisdom and transformation come to our true self. You are not born with it as a finished identity that you constantly have to harken to and then your project is to show to the world how unique and special right that inner self that you’re born with. The project isn’t the project shifts from how do I realize and become my true and better self to the project of how do I continually demonstrate to the world myself and what it is and how unique it is. And so what people do, I think is they collect spiritual experiences and then they’re like, they’re these bejeweled glamorous that they put on their narcissistic shelf and um, yeah, I think, I mean I think that’s just a disaster, but if you go back to what we were talking about, if you, if you get a community that gives you this serious play and that gives you the tools.

Thal

The cognitive tools.

John Vervaeke

That serious play, that inactive analogy, that enacted anagogic transformation, then you can bring about a transformative experience and people are doing this spontaneously and they’re doing it and they’re doing it. Let them. Let me give an example because this is so bizarre, right? So what are some of the most secular countries in the world? The Scandinavian countries. So in Scandinavia there’s a role playing a style of jeep form that has emerged. And so the point about this is like a you know what a role play game is, right? Dungeons and dragons, and then you have larping where you live action role playing, right? Larping I should say. Right? And then this is one thing more or so what you have is you have a bunch of people, they come into a situation, they’re given a situation, they have to act out, and then the dungeon master is actually like a director and what to do like a movie set director. He’ll cut a scene or they’ll say switch or switch roles, or I’ll give you a prop and say this is a sword now use it and what you’re doing is you’re acting out scenes and you’re acting on scenes that are actually real life scenes and this is what you actually are striving for. You’re trying to get a phenomenon called bleed, so what you want is you want the senior acting out to be similar enough analogically similar enough, but open you up and do enough flexibility in play that you’ll the line between what you’re playing and your real life bleeds so that you can do. Now if you would ask the people or even religious, they go, what are you talking about? But you said, but why are you pursuing this? I mean, from the outside. This looks to me like a spiritual practice. This is a radical practice that started a highly ritualized situation with a community of support and desire and you know, and it’s not escapist this like it’s often like deeply disturbing and troubling to these people, but they’re seeking genuine release from this indecisiveness, existential indecisiveness, and existential inertia, that’s the kind of thing.

Adrian

Is this unconscious, you suspect they’re not going and knowing that that’s what they’re doing it for?

John Vervaeke

I think it’s semiconscious. It’s sort of like it’s mythologically aware to them they, they got, they know that this is meeting, look like. Think about it. When we were talking about that inner peace, you have played this Plato’s great insight that in addition to whatever you want, you want to, you want to experience it with inner peace. If I said to you, I’ll give you tremendous fame, but it will rip you apart inside. Do you want it? You go, no, I don’t think so. Right? But there’s another one. Remember, in addition to any piece, I want to be in contact with the real patterns. Same thing. People have a metta desire to whatever they have, right? They want it to be real. So I’ll do this in class with my students. So I’ll say, how many of you I’ll probably have I do this too much. I’m going to spoil it because they are students and they’ll start just screwing around with me but generally I’ll say, how many of your in like deeply satisfying personal relationships right now put up your hand. Surprisingly, a lot of them put up their hands contrary to all the complaining we hear. And then I’ll say, now the following, I want you to imagine it’s like Laurie’s Gedanken experiment. Imagine that your partner is cheating on you and finding out that they were cheating on you would absolutely end the relationship that you have right now. How many of you want to know if your partner is cheating on you? Keep your hands up. 95 percent of the people keep their hands on it. They’d rather have the real suffering that the fake happiness. Right? And so I think the same thing’s going on with this jeep forming this. They’re, they’re finding that they’re getting, they’re getting a bit of that analogic play, they’re getting a bit of that anagogic, you know, reciprocal revelation. They’re getting that opening up, right? They’re getting that, that, that transformation and their perspectival and participatory knowing they’re getting that gnosis and they’re feeling deeply connected to themselves and to each other into their world. Now they don’t think of that as the hallmark of spirituality and I think that spirituality is about believing in supernatural entities and seeing strange lights, but I think that’s the key is spirituality because they’re going through these radical transformations of consciousness and cognition, community and communing with others, designed to bring about enhanced relevance, realization, enhanced insight, wisdom, cognitive flexibility, changing. They’re very patterns of co-identification, how they identify others and their world and themselves.

Thal

It is like that awareness expansion. To go back to that question you mentioned, is it, is it religious? No, it’s not because there’s no dogma.

John Vervaeke

I make a distinction between religion and religio. So religio is a Latin word and it is one of the two contenders for the edible, logical origin of the word religion but religio actually means connectedness this to connect things, to bind things together. So that sense of binding I think was crucial. Now I think what, what goes on in religion is you also get credo, I believe, right? And you get these propositional statements. Now the point of the propositional statements is to originally is to, is to create a community and to create practices and psycho-technology, literatures about psycho-technologies to help people. But the problem is like you can get a creedal oppression where the credo crushes the religio.

Thal

Brings about rigidity and increases inner conflicts…

John Vervaeke

Right and so what we get is we get, we get another thing that is a terrific sign. So we talked about narcissism and these two are related, although most people won’t see them initially is related, but. Oh well good. Okay. So the narcissism, the meaning crisis. And then here’s another thing that’s connected to the meaning crisis and also connected to narcissism and that’s the rise of fundamentalisms. Beliefs not enough. So what I’ll do is I’ll just believe even more, like I’ll, I’ll pour everything into belief and I’ll make credo absolutely like the complete identity. When I talk to people from a religious background. I’ll often say … when I get into discussion and I do this respectfully because I really respect people who belong to a religious traditions because I understand like what, sorry, that sounds arrogant. I don’t mean it to be, I’m trying to say I understand in an appreciative fashion what they’re doing, what they’re trying to do, but I’ll often say to them, don’t tell me what you believe…tell me what you practice and tell me how those practices are making you more wise and more compassionate or capable of self transcendence and more capable of transforming the world to deal with the situations we’re dealing with. Don’t tell me what you believe. Tell me about your practices.

Thal

This is an important distinction. Just because I come from a, like I was brought up in a more religious environment and that’s the struggle. Growing up, a lot of young people are just given all these dogmas and instructions and it’s so divorced from the reality of everyday and so the young generation becomes so disenchanted, so they either turn to complete nihilism or the other side is fundamentalism.

Adrian

Yes. The interesting move for me coming from pretty secular, um, you know, upbringing towards a more open mystical, you know, explorer. I think the move for me was to shift away from asking what’s true to how is this useful, right. It is literally the bring it to the practical ground to get in practice. Was, was the move that helped open me to something that was uncomfortable and different and scary and start to experiment.

John Vervaeke

Well, I think that’s the key. I mean, I think the summit of propositional knowledge is what we call knowledge scientific knowledge. I think the summit of the procedural perspectival participatory stuff is what we call wisdom. And those are not the same thing. You don’t get wisdom by getting a lot of knowledge. Knowledge is relevant to wisdom, but it’s like the relationship between intelligence and rationality. It’s a necessary but not sufficient. I would say useful, but you want useful again and I’m hoping this is helpful to you. I’m not trying to step on your toes, right? But you want useful to be broadened in the sense of useful for helping you overcome patterns of foolishness and useful for helping you engage in patterns of flourishing, things that are useful for the cultivation of wisdom. Are you getting better at seeing when you’re in messy situations do you have sets of practices that help you zero in on what’s relevant and what’s real. So I understand what, what, what true, but if we talk about real in that athletic sense, that sense of I’ve got a connectedness to the world that’s opening up me and the world in an ongoing fashion. A fashion that in which I can. There’s good reason and good evidence to believe that, you know, I’m, I’m becoming wiser, more compassionate, more engaged and effective person. Right. Then that’s what I’m saying…usefulness means…I hope you find that helpful because of the problem with the word useful is it’s, broad and, it can be sucked into that narcissistic project. It could be useful for promoting myself image and then it undermines the very, the very thing we’re trying to talk about here, I think.

Thal

Useful in a more meaningful, profound way.

Adrian

In a relational sense.

John Vervaeke

I would say existential and sapiential sense. Yeah. So if you’re, if you, if you have sets of practices that take you through the unavoidable and indispensable transformative experiences that you need to encounter and to go through there are unavoidable in your life. Someone dies, you leave, right? You lose your job, you decide to enter into relationship. All these things we’re talking about like do you have right cognitive practices, consciousness practices, community practices, character building practices that reliably take you through the in a way in which the field of flourishing life is expanded for you and the lives you touch. That for me is what I would say usefulness is so I’m a little bit critical of people who have some points where have a little bit critical of Jordan Peterson. I wish Jordan would get a little bit clearer on his pragmatic theory because I have. I want to debate him again at some point.

Adrian

It brings it back to the narcissistic tendency of I think a lot of spiritual circles. That pursuit of selfing it keeps defining it actually making the self more rigid.

John Vervaeke

This is why, again, like you’ve got to so, so the struggle, Thal, that you’re going through. For example, as where do I go to get like a community because you need, you need many people committed together to this like the jeep formers, regular, reliable meeting and getting together. Where do I find a community? Where do I, that it has as systematic set of psych-technologies and exemplar role models that are at different developmental stages in life so that as I moved through those developmental stages, I have a narrative understanding of what’s going on. Where do you have that? Well, the only place where we’ve typically had that up until now are religion, right, and when we tried second or alternatives, we tried ideologies in the 20th century and that drench the world in blood. Right? So we don’t want. We know that that’s not right. That’s not working and many of us, the traditional religions don’t work for a lot of the reasons we’ve articulated, but we need something very much like what they did. This is why I’m critical of people like Dawkins and Harris, right? Because yes, I think, I mean I consider myself a non-theist that, that I think both the theist and the atheists have presuppositions that are shared that I reject and at some point I’d like to talk about that agree not today but at great length, but see the thing about people like Dawkins is they concentrate on the false beliefs. It’s like, yes, okay, great, but you know, and this is what I sometimes point this out, you know, you have to get what Nietzsche talked about, like what he said, God is dead, right? The madman runs into the marketplace and he’s telling them who’s he talking to? He’s not talking to the theist, he’s talking to the atheist. He says, you don’t know what you’ve done. You’ve wiped away the sky. We’re forever falling. You don’t know what you’ve done by killing God. You don’t know. You’ve thrown away all this axial legacy, all this machinery and you and you don’t know how to replace it.

Thal

It is the most misunderstood statement.

John Vervaeke

Yes. So I mean Nietzsche’s great project is to try. But the problem is he was too much of an autodidact, right? And that’s my great criticism of Nietzsche. His project was, I mean he’s, he’s a great prophet of the meaning crisis, and his project was to try and create an alternative form of spirituality and then alternative mythology, the mythology of the Ubermensch. I have lots of criticisms of that, but people need, you need to see, what he was, what he was on about, wasn’t that people had silly false beliefs he was on about. No, no, we’re facing the meaning crisis and we’ve got to do something about this because if we don’t, it’s just going to get worse and it’s gonna get worse and people are going to turn to fundamental systems at the totalitarianisms and ideologies at escapisms and we’re going to get kind of the situation we’re in now today.

Adrian

So I’m just being mindful of time. I want to ask you personally, what are you working towards in moving towards the middle thing that we, you know, you mentioned about, you know, not religion but also not, not the secular ideology. What, what are you doing currently to support?

John Vervaeke

So in addition to the academic study and teaching of this material, I also try to teach people extracurricular that some of these psycho-technologies, mindfulness practices, I teach classes on meditation, Tai-chi and contemplative practices. I used to run a wisdom sanga. I’d like to start that up again. When you’re an academic your schedule changes all the time and it’s because it’s difficult. What Im doing also is I’m trying to…I’ve just, I’m just coming off sabbatical, like I have another one in a half a year. It’s a weird situation. With other people, not on my own, but with other people. A lot of these people I’ve mentioned colleagues, RAs, and fellow professors try to examine a lot of these psycho-technologies and trying to salvage what was going on when people are practicing this practice or that practice or that practice or that are trying to what we do in cognitive science, we reverse-engineer the mind. We tried to reverse engineer the mind, right. That’s what we’re trying to do in AI. I’m trying to reverse engineer what, like there’s all these oftern these creepy wonky metaphysics and weird beliefs and crazy superstitious. Right? But thinking about what Nisha said is, can we reverse engineer what were the psycho-technologies, what was going on in neoplatonism when people were doing theorgia, what was going on in, you know, when the gnostics were doing all their weird strange stuff, what’s going on when the Tibet and Buddhist and you can’t be, you can’t just dabble, right? You have to like, you have to like seriously read and study and practice and go through that transformative challenge, right? Yeah. So you have to guinea pig yourself to a degree, but you can’t autodidact. So doing a lot of that and trying to integrate that practical in a deep sense. It’s an insufficient word, that practical knowledge into a lot of this theoretical knowledge. I’m about to release a video series on my youtube channel. I’m awakening from the meaning crisis. It’s a series of hour long videos. I’m basically trying to lay out all this argument and that also talk about, right, how do we respond to the media crisis culturally, how is it enmeshed and interacting with other crises we’re facing. We were facing sociopolitical socioeconomic environment, socioeconomics, socio ecological crises, how, how is it Intermesh, right? And trying, but also individually giving people, okay, well what are, what are psycho-technologies you can practice, how can they be systematically related? Trying to give people, again, not on my own, but with many other people. Like what does wisdom mean? What does, how, what’s the theoretical structure that you could use? Right and trying to set that up for people. Sorry, that sounds pretentious and I don’t mean it to be, but I’m trying to answer your question.

Adrian

I appreciate it because there’s a sense of urgency. We can’t, we can’t wait for the perfect product, we just have to start doing it. We have to. Everybody has to try their best and, and collaborate and not, you know, not one person is ever going to solve this whole thing.

John Vervaeke

Exactly. Totally. And we are facing individually, collectively, and culturally we’re facing like we have to go through the greatest transformative experience with like and all those levels in some coordinated fashion that we’ve ever gone through because, you know, as I said, these crises are all mutually interacting with each other, like the meaning crisis and the ecological crisis. Like they talk to each other, they resonate with each other and you know, in, in this sort of nasty fashion. I talked about this with Christopher Mastropietro and Filip Miscevic and the book we wrote on Zombies as a current mythology that the culture is produced for trying to give expression to the meaning crisis, but also right? The idea of, uh, you know, have a devastated ecology because the interesting thing with zombies, they’re not super natural, right? Monsters, they’re just us diseased…decadent, right. What’s weird is that they’re mindless. They lack the capacity to make meaning and they’re like us. They’re the only communal monster. They move and horns, but there’s no culture.

Thal

There’s no real connection.

John Vervaeke

Right? And they consume, they consume, but to no purpose to no end, right. They represent like the meaning crisis and the way it has a both metaphorically like did the destruction of our spiritual ecology when, how that is intermeshed with the destruction of our biological ecology.

Thal

Just in closing, like the things that you’re mentioning is in line with why we even started this podcast. Adrian and I we’re having coffee together and we were talking about the crisis of meaning and how that’s affecting us on a daily basis and our generation. Today you just gave us a lot of food for thought a lot.

John Vervaeke

Thank you for the opportunity. I mean I really do that. There’s so much here. Sorry every academic says this, but we’ve really just scratched the surface in so many ways. There’s just so much going on. There’s so much going on and I’m like I said, you know, there’s going to be the video series.

Thal

Your language…to me is very mystical and scientific!

John Vervaeke

Well, that’s the thing. I would hope it’s both I find one of the things I find gratifying was when I teach courses like this, I’ll have people from both sides of the aisle who are usually yelling at each other and come up and say that was really good. Absolutely. Yes. I mean that’s obviously appeals to my egotism and acknowledging that, but I think I can, if I can put myself aside to some degree, but you also mentioned that you’ve worked with a lot of people. There are a lot of people that are talking this language now. That’s right, and that’s what I think. That’s what I’m trying to say. That’s what I try to tell my students that, and again, in this, the people say this and this could also be a twisty narcissist thing. Really focus on the work and focus on what was happening with the idea is don’t focus on me. Right. But really there’s…It’s simultaneously a terrifying and exciting time.

Thal

It is. Absolutely, yes.

Adrian

John to be continued. It was a pleasure.

John Vervaeke

Great. Thank you very much, guys. Really enjoyed this a lot.

#7: Mental Game with NBA Strength Coach Drew Cleary

To be in a Flow state is to be in that moment where you lose all concept of time and become engrossed in the activity at hand. It is that moment when you even lose your awareness of yourself. Many artists, writers, and creative types concur. 

Flow state is also accessible to athletes. It becomes this meditative state that players competing in a sports game may find themselves in – totally attuned to their skills, and to their teammates. After all, sports are about being entirely in the moment: embodied, focused, and highly aware.

On this episode, Adrian does a solo interview with Drew Cleary. Drew worked as a Strength and Conditioning Coach in the NBA for 18 years. In his career, he has worked with over nine Hall of Famers and personally trained athletes like Scottie Pippen and Monica Seles.

Enjoy!

Highlights

  • Working in the NBA
  • Coaching Flow State
  • Scottie Pippen Stories
  • Veteran Mentorship for Rookies
  • Changing Attitudes Toward Mental Health in Sport

Resources

Listen:

An Original Poem Inspired by This Episode

Full Transcript

Adrian

Drew, welcome to the show.

Drew

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Adrian

Yeah man I’ve been looking forward to having this conversation with you so we can talk hoops, performance and life in general. But actually one thing I never asked you personally is from one basketball fan to another, when did you first develop your love for the game? You know, what was that like when, I’m assuming it was early in your life?

Drew

Yeah, I’m from Australia originally. I grew up in a very small town, about 30,000 people south of Sydney in Australia and I was a soccer player when I was a little kid and um, every team in Australia, every town has their own home team and that team has an American or two on it. And so there was an American that came out at the time I was about 11 or 12, his name was Dennis Caron and he lived with my family for a year and had a profound influence on me making me have an appreciation for basketball. My mother and father were involved in basketball, but I played soccer and he lived with us and he became like a big brother to me and that’s kind of what turned me into loving basketball more than anything else was, you know, I have two older sisters but I didn’t have any brothers and it was like a bonding experience for me to have this person in my life and that’s kind of how I got started into basketball. I gave up soccer and started playing basketball and then when I was 18, I got a scholarship to come over to the United States and play basketball. That was kinda where I got my start and how things come to evolve for me.

Adrian

That’s awesome. So he was clearly one of your heroes or mentors growing up. What was the age difference? How much older was he?

Drew

He would have been in his 30s at that point. Um, you know, when you’re a little kid, you know, you don’t really, you don’t understand that you’d like to play golf. And uh, I played a lot of cricket and so I was a wicket keeper in cricket and so we had this big field next to the basketball stadium and he would go out and bring these golf clubs out there and he hit golf balls towards me and I would catch the balls with my wicket keeping gloves, you know, probably probably child abuse today, but you know, they’d be these balls flying out towards me and I would catch the balls and put them in a bucket and collect the balls. It’s like a little brother, you know, like, just happy to be along for the ride and you know, he found ways to include rather than exclude me like saying “get lost a little kid” , you know, he was very friendly and you know, to the point where he was, he’s always remained in my life. I recently spoke with him we haven’t lost contact. He’s always been a piece and a part of my life. Not just my life, but my family’s life. He lives up in Vermont and I went up, visited with him a few years ago and I know his kids and his wife and it’s a relationship that’s lasted several decades, obviously 30 years. It’s a, at least a 30 year relationship. So, very influential on me and the reason that I went into basketball for sure it was because of him.

Adrian

That’s beautiful. So you were playing basketball in college and I guess at what point did you set your focus on working in sports because you later went off and did a masters in sports science. And so when did you know you wanted to get into the field professionally?

Drew

Oh, I didn’t really know to be honest with you. I never.. I came to the United States with obviously with the aspiration of playing in the NBA because every kid thinks that he can play in the NBA, you know, like, I know there was an assistant coach that I work with in the NBA told me one time that every kid that starts at a D1 program in the United States right now thinks he can play in the NBA. Well, there’s like 300 D1 programs, so that means there’s 1500 kids today that think they can play in the NBA when this 60 slots in the draft, you know, of which 15 are going to be foreign, you know, like the probability of you planning the NBA is astronomically small. But you know, I came with aspiration but I’m never really had a inkling of playing in the NBA. Like once I started playing in college I realized that I wasn’t going to be a pro and education was going to be important, but I enjoyed the training component of it. The performance component of it. Really the most… the point in my life where it turned was when I was finishing my master’s degree at Boise State University and my father who was a president of a university in my hometown, a very influential person in my life, had two PhDs and education was a big part of his life. We had a phone call, I had a phone call with him one day and I was confused. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and, and he had always told me when I was a little kid that if you can turn your hobby into your occupation you’ll never feel like you’re going to be at work and if you never at work then it won’t feel like a job. And so he had said to me, I’ve always told you from the time you were a little kid, you know, like you need to turn your hobby into your occupation and you know, like, I’m going to ask you a couple questions, like, what do you like to do? I said I liked to play basketball, lift weights. And he said then you should find an occupation that involves playing basketball and lifting weights and now he had no idea of anything about strength and conditioning or athletic training or sports performance or any of those things because like you need to figure out what you can do. And it was like, you know, do those jobs exist? It’s like, well you know, there’s strength coaches. He goes “if I was you, I’d start at the top. What’s the top?” I said, the NBA. He goes, “what’s the next?” I say college. “What’s next?” High school. “If the NBA don’t want you, go to college. If college don’t want you, go to high school. If high school don’t want you, you have, you need to figure something else out”. So I wrote nine letters to nine western conference teams because I was in Boise and I told them, you know, like at the time the Seattle Supersonics, the Portland Trailblazers, the LA teams, the Sacramento team, Phoenix I think was one of them. I think I wrote to Chicago. So there was one eastern conference team and I just told them my story. Uh, you know, I’m an immigrant. I came to Australia. I played basketball in college and I’m done and I have a Master’s degree in Exercise Physiology and I’d love to come work for free, you know. I’ll throw myself at the mercy of… I just want to learn the trade, you know, and, I’ll survive somehow some way because I always have been able to do that and you know, just let me come learn from you guys. And surprisingly, I got six responses from the nine teams and one of the teams that I got a response from was the Portland Trailblazers and the guy that was there at the time, his name was Mick Smith. I literally packed my stuff up within a week and just jumped in a U Haul truck and whatever I had I took with me to Portland and I started working there for free. You know, and I was only there a very short period of time. He had said to me, “hey, perhaps you’d like to come to summer league with us because it was around may or June and Summer League is around that timeframe, June or July. So maybe I was there two months. At the time Summer League was in Salt Lake City, Utah, and he said to me, you know, like, we can’t give you any money but you know, you can fly over with us and we’ll give you a per diem. Per diem in those days was like $60, which was a ton of money to me. Like I’m good. 60 bucks a day man I’m good. Now, per diem in the NBA is like $140, but I literally lived off per diem for that couple of weeks. And while I was out there, I had an opportunity to meet with the owner of the team at the time, who recently passed away Paul Allen. And then, um, he asked me if I was interested in working with a friend of his Monica Seles who is a Hall of Fame tennis player. And I said, yeah, of course. And so that’s where my career started. I was literally an unpaid intern for a couple of months and two months later I was training a hall of fame tennis player on the road with her. And that’s how my career began.

Adrian

Wow. So what was your responsibility with Monica Seles? Were you the main personal trainer?

Drew

Yeah, I was a personal trainer, she had a very well known incident at the time. She had been stabbed by some crazy guy during an event and she had sat out of tennis for a little while when she was looking to get back into shape. So through that relationship with Paul, I went down and met with her in San Diego, La Costa, very nice country club then where she was playing in a tournament. And the agreement was I train her for a week. And if she liked me, I’d stay and if it didn’t work out, I’d go back to the Trailblazers and be an assistant back there. And we kind of hit it off. And I just continued to travel with her for quite a while. It was a really fun time in my life, I got to go to all different places in the world with her. She’s probably one of the nicest human beings I’ve ever met. She was, you could tell that she was a great person, not by just my interaction with her, but how the general public received her. She was was very well received by the public and the fans, you know, she was just adored like a princess, and she was a very easy person to talk to and communicate with. I really enjoyed my time with her. She was a very competitive, intense person that, you know, was very easy on the side, very easy person to deal with it. It was a great time in my life.

Adrian

What do you feel like you learned during that time working with Monica that really prepared you for the NBA because you returned back to the League after that?

Drew

Yeah. She taught me a lot of things. First of all, her skill level was incredible. Um, she could do things that you would never see in real life, you know, on the television or when you watch her play. She showed me one time we were in Atlanta and she liked to like fine tune her skills by hitting the ball against this wall. And I’d never seen anything like this. Just her ability to stand three, four feet from a wall and off the volley off the half volley and side-to-side. It was a 15, 20 minute display of hitting a ball against a wall that your jaw was just dropping. She honed those skills in a very small town in Yugoslavia. She was originally from Hungary a little town called Novi Sad. And she used to hit the ball against the garage door. Her eye- hand coordination was, you know, her ability to pick up a ball at very short distances was something special. And just her competitiveness, you know. I remember we were at the Trailblazers one time and I took it into the back and show her the video room and stuff was where they break down film and stuff like that. And I asked her just casually like, do you watch film of your opponents? And she just matter of factly was like, “no, why would I watch film of my opposition? Like they need to watch film of me.” And it wasn’t swag, it was real confidence, you know, and she had told me before, the only time that she ever really watched film was when she felt like she wasn’t playing well, so she’d break out some old tapes of when she was at Wimbledon and you know, just to see herself performing at a really high level to get her confidence back, you know.

But other than that she didn’t really break film down of anybody or watch her opposition at all. So just her competitiveness and her self confidence of who she was as an athlete. And she was unbeatable. Which translated male, female basketball, tennis. It didn’t matter. That translated into the NBA. And when you saw players in the NBA, the really good players, there was a level of confidence that they had that they didn’t see the opposition really at all. They just went out and competed at a really high level because they were really confident in their own ability. So that was one of the things that I saw that translated very quickly was just to, you know, she’s a hall of fame player, she’s a hall of fame human being and I saw that translate from her to basketball very quickly and very easily. It was something that they both had in common and one’s a man, one’s a woman, one’s in basketball, ones in tennis. But the mindset was the same.

Adrian

Yeah, I definitely want to explore that with you. Fascinated with sort of the mental edge that some of these human beings seem to have that are you know, extraordinarily. But before we go there, I kind of want to go back and just have a chance for you to describe what exactly is a strength and conditioning coach. For those that might not be familiar, what is that role? And maybe walk through sort of the day, a day in a life, you know, what it’s like during the season and what does that job entail?

Drew

There’s two distinct days. The first day obviously is a game day and if you’re not on a back to back, if you haven’t played the day before, you go in in the mornings for shoot around and contingent on you know whether you’re on the road or at home. will determine the time. If you’re at home, usually you shoot from 10 to 11 and if you’re on the road you’ll shoot from 11 to 12. In that period of time, the players come in, they don’t get taped or anything like that. They just come in and watch a little bit of film on who we’re going to play and then they go out onto the court and depending on where we are in the season, earlier on in the season you may get some shots up, but later in the season it’s really just going over your offense and then going over whatever the other team’s going to run, what you’re going to see and how you’re going to defend it. Different players you give different looks to that. There’s three different types of looks on a screen: a hard show, an even show and then a soft show like someone that can’t shoot the ball very well, you go underneath the screen on them, so you kind of encouraging them to shoot the ball. But somebody that’s a really good shooter from the perimeter, you’re gonna try and put more pressure on the top of screen and rolls and most of basketball these days, uh, uh, looks out of screen and roll situations. That’s kind of why the Chicago Bulls success was a little bit different because they ran a lot of other different stuff, but the majority of basketball is running a pick and roll situations and so they kind of really just going over personnel and how are we going to defend different personnel and different situations. They’ll show it to them and film first and then they’ll go out on the floor and kind of go through it physically. I think athletes have a desire or a need, whatever you may want to call it, to feel the sensation of it and see it physically. It’s not just showing it on video or drawing it up on a whiteboard. It’s going out and kind of feeling what it’s going to be like, not at full speed, but just to go over, just to walk through it. Then the players will leave and go home or we’ll go back to the hotel and eat or whatever you kind of on your own. And then they’ll come back in the evening and depending on who you are as a player will determine where you where and what you do in the slots of the game itself. So the game is at 7:00, the first players will arrive around 4:30 4:45 and if they’re not going to play a lot of minutes that night, their time on the floor will be earlier. And then as you get closer and closer to the tip off the players that are going to play the majority of the game or do the majority of the heavy lifting, so to speak, they’ll have slots in the court where they go out and shoot for 10 to 15 minutes, usually alone with a specific coach that works with them on their game and they get specific shots that they’re going to take in the game and they try and get ready to play. From my capacity you know, like everybody’s kind of got a different programming. First of all, you’re working on what may be deficient within their system. Uh, so there’s some form of range of motion evaluation that we’re going to try and treat some kind of compensation pattern first to make sure that your symmetric and then if you’re a player that doesn’t play a lot, then there may be some component of actually trying to build something inside you because we can put a little bit more force through you because we know that you’re not going to take a lot of force tonight on the court. Um, and then the players that are going to play significant minutes, we’re more interested in making them feel good. The range of motion component becomes important and make them symmetric on both sides and feel good about themselves. And some players will actually like to lift before the game and when I say some, the majority of players when I was in the league, like 50, 60 percent of the players that played a heavy amount of minutes, will do something in the weight room before every game. Um, some more than others, but nothing like you would visualize at a health club or anything, you know, like one set of a push, one set of a pull, some form of shoulder stuff, bicep, tricep, something for their hip and their trunk, you know. Then you know, some form of stretch or PNF or forced eccentric, something to get the tissue to cooperate. You really just trying to make them feel good. And that was reciprocated a lot, you know, in the NBA a lot of the teams that had weight rooms in their arenas would let you come in within a certain timeframe to do that work. And we would tell the players that wanted to come in like, “this is the window that we’re operating in”. And they were very good at coordinating themselves to get it in if they wanted to get it in. So that’s kind of the schedule. That’s the way it’s set up. And then, you know, when 7:00 come, 7:30 comes. It’s showtime.

Adrian

Yeah, I know in sports, you often hear people talk about how it’s 90 percent mental, 10 percent physical or whatever the, you know, something along those lines. The term being “in the zone” is often used, right when people are performing at their peak, or the flow state. This is something that you studied in your master’s thesis. Could you talk about what the flow state is and how or what seems to contribute to it?

Drew

Yeah, when I wrote my master’s thesis, I used Chelladurai’s Leadership Scales, and Susan Jackson had written some flow scales. The flow scales are from a guy called Csikszentmihalyi, who kind of documented, I think there’s nine states of flow. It involves losing yourself in something, not having a concept of time and being completely indulged into this thing. And surprisingly enough, the place where most humans experienced this, the most often is reading when you get into a book that you really enjoy, next thing you know, you look up at the clock and an hour has passed and you don’t have this concept of time. You don’t have a concept of hunger or you don’t have a concept of distraction thinking about something else. You completely indulged in the act. Whatever the act may be. And the most commonly experienced place, like I said, is reading a book. Now in sports, when you get into it, um, there is a physical component to it. Like everything feels easy physically and you don’t, like in a basketball sense, you don’t see a defender, you’re just the, the hoop looks like a 10 foot circle and you’re throwing a tennis ball into a pool basically. Like you just feeling in this very confident place. And what my master’s degree was about was I was looking at collegiate basketball players, both men and women. And I was using Chelladurai’s Leadership Scales to determine how in alignment the athlete was with the coach’s message. Were they down with what the coach was talking about or were they not down with what the coach was talking about? And then using Susan Jackson’s flow scales from Csikszentmihalyi, trying to see if there was a correlation to the players that were in alignment with their coach’s message and how frequently they experienced flow and was there a correlation to players that did not understand their coaches leadership style and were they experiencing flowing less often. And obviously that’s not rocket science to figure out which ones experienced flow more often so this human interaction, this human performance was being dictated essentially by what connection I was having with this other human being. It wasn’t something that was insular within the individual. It wasn’t me just sitting there reading a book and getting indulged into this book and experiencing this flow state. What was creating this flow state in the individual was actually a relationship with another human being and in this case that the relationship between the player and the coach. Now I didn’t delve into the relationships between all of the players, which obviously could have also had some form of influence on this psychological and physiological state in the individual itself. But, essentially what I was looking at was, how do we motivate players to experience a high level of performance, this flow state, based upon this relationship. Like what it is that we’re talking about and some of the coaching that I had seen in the past, you know, the old school coaching where you “get into somebody! Toughness!” You know, “we’re soft!” All of those things that we’ve heard in coaching. The coaches are trying to make you tougher and make you play harder. But the reality of it was players didn’t really want to respond to that. So what I’ve found in the, leadership scales was that certain players would experience flow at a higher level if they were in tune with what it was that you were saying to them and how you were saying to it, how you were delivering what the message was and how the message was being delivered. And it was really interesting to see. It’s not rocket science to think that if you’re yelling at me and calling me names and pushing me down physically and emotionally, I’m probably not going to experience high performance states at a very high level. There is a fine line between that.oObviously I. I do understand that if you’re gonna, if you’re gonna make an Omelet, you’re going to have to crack a few eggs. I get that concept. It’s not all going to be hugs and kisses. We’re not going to make it to the finish line in that capacity. There are going to have to be moments when criticism is going to be alleged at people and you’re going to have to have some form of mental toughness to take that guidance. But within the parameters of that, all of the successful coaches that I’ve seen in the end that I’ve seen in college and not individuals that berate people and talk down to them. That’s not how you have success and that. That was kind of in alignment with what the research showed that that having some form of empathy and care towards somebody was going to improve or arouse their performance sensations. I was really lucky to work with the hall of fame coach and Orlando. His name was Chuck Daly, won a couple championships with the Detroit Pistons and I clearly remember we were at home and we had lost to the Clippers who were not very good at the time. Um, and we were walking out, I was just a young guy and we were walking out of the locker room after game and he’d gone into to greet the players, you know, like after the game. It was a bad loss, you know, we had really planned on winning that game and we did not win and we did not win convincingly. And he’s like, “all right, bring it in”. You know, like “tough night tonight”, you know, “let’s bring it back tomorrow. We got a game again tomorrow and let’s strap it up tomorrow and let’s go after tomorrow”. So the players brought it in and you know, “Magic on three, ooh ooh ooh” and we left. As we walked out, I said, “man, coach, I thought you were going to yell at them. Thought you’re going to go off on him”. And he’s “like, oh let me tell you something young fella. They know they messed up. There’s going gonna be times in the course of this that I’m going to have to get into them. There’s an 82 game season and you can fire off 8 or 10 bullets a year. One game out of 10 you can fire off a bullet at them. You can’t yell at him all the time. This is not a situation where I need to yell at them. They know that they messed up tonight. They know that they made some mistakes tonight. They know we should have won tonight. This is one of those situations where you’re holding the bullet back.” It was an eyeopening experience for me to understand that you don’t have to verbalize everything. You know, they did feel horrible because as a strength coach, you’re in and around the team, you know more about the team than anybody because you’re with them all the time, all the time and they’re in the weight room and that humans want to tell you things. They want to interact with you, they want to have a relationship with you. So as a strength coach you knew more about the players and more about the team than anybody else in the organization potentially. So there was a very eyeopening experience for me to understand that you don’t always have to berate someone or tell them that they made a mistake. They know when they’ve made a mistake. So he was really good at getting the most out of people. You know, he was a hall of fame coach, won a couple of championships. He had a lot of success. I felt really blessed to have been around him and seeing how somebody at a really high level like that conducts themselves more than anything else. He was a consummate professional and did he yell at players? Of course he did. Did he get pissed off in time outs? Of course you do, but at the same time did he lift people up? Yeah. And so that’s that dichotomy of relationship that I’m talking about knowing when to be aggressive and call someone out, but at the same time know when to lift somebody up and they’re the two things that, you know, seem to be shown in research in my master’s degree that if I’m in alignment with what you’re talking about, I’ll experience peak performance more often.

Adrian

Was there ever a time when you can recall when the entire team experienced flow? So not just the individual player but as an organization almost like an organism functioning at a very high level.

Drew

Yeah, when you get on a roll. You know, I got a couple of instances on that. First one, I was with Scottie Pippin for four years as a personal trainer and I remember asking him about the ’96 Bulls one time and he told me that, because that was the year they won 72 games, and he told me that they’d be warming up, he would look across the other side of the court and in his mind he’s like, “man, we already won”. He could literally look across the court and see the fear and intimidation in the other team and it was a supreme confidence and the supreme confidence didn’t necessarily come from an arrogance or confidence knowing that we’re just better than them. It was knowing that the cohesive unit, what they had on their side of the floor was unbeatable. He talked in depth about how people like Phil Jackson, the practices was all dedicated towards running their offense. And when they got out of practice and into the game, it was just such a natural extension of what they had done in practice. You know? So they didn’t have to create anything in game because they’d already seen these things in practice. It became like a mechanism and the trust that they had for each other, which turns into a special bond. And that special bond allows you to rely on your fellow teammate at a very high level, which creates this massive confidence and ability. You start winning 8, 10, 12 games in a row. You win games just on confidence. And I experienced that with a couple of teams. When we had Gilbert Arenas in Washington, you felt confident that we were going to win because we got Gilbert. I’m talking about Gilbert in his prime. When Gilbert was rolling, you know, it didn’t matter if it was end of quarter situations, low shot clock situations. We had a guy that could score on anybody at any time in any given moment. And you win a game just on his brilliance. And then that translates into confidence into other players. And next thing you know, Antawn Jamison’s scoring 50 points and Caron Butler is getting 35 a night and all of a sudden the whole team, the thing starts to get going and start to get rolling and you start being teams just on confidence, you know, and “the other team’s getting paid too! They’re all pros too! Down the hallway”, famous Flip Saunders line. Like “they’re pros down the hallway too! They’re getting paid too!” Everybody’s good. It’s not like a team that’s only won five or six games and another team has won 20, doesn’t have any talent on their team. They got tons of talent. They’re pros too. They got drafted too. They played at a high level in college too. Like there’s nobody in the NBA that’s not playing at a high level. So it really comes down to not the physical things, but you know, the mental things. Like what drives the physical? What kind of CPU you got a your computer? That’s what it really comes down to. When you look at the anthropometric numbers of NBA players, they’ve all got really long arms. Guess what? On average 6’7″ tall and they’re 7’1″ long. They’re four inches longer than their height on average. And when you see guys that played a very high level, the Pippins and the KD’s and the Kawhi Leonards, they got extraordinary anthropometric measurements. Their wingspans are 8, 10 inches longer than their height. They got extraordinarily large hands, you know, like they have anthropometric measurements that normal humans don’t have. Not to say that they’re the things that made them successful in the NBA because a lot of, a lot of NBA players have those things, but they’re the things that separate them from the rest of the crowd. What separates you from your own, um, union, the group, the NBA players? What separates them from those groups is the brain. How do I buy into what coach is talking about? How do I buy into what the general manager’s talking about? What does our team message, how do I buy into what it is that I’m trying to accomplish? You know the teams on the front of the Jersey, but it has Jordan on the back and there’s Pippen on the back, like they own half of that jersey. What is their take on how things are going to operate. Some guys are selfish, some guys are team guys, and how do we bring all of this together and it’s a really interesting dynamic that you have from the front office to coaching to players, to the support staff, the people that are around them and travel these guys and take care of these guys. How you’re either giving to the pie or in some capacity taking away from it. If you’ve got enough guys taking out of it doesn’t work and it doesn’t take much to get it off balance. So there’s a lot that goes into it. As you know, it’s a long year. Your season starts late September and if you go all the way it doesn’t end till the end of June. That’s a long time to spend with people and it’s every day. You know, I tell people all the time, you want Christmas off? This job, ain’t for you. You want Thanksgiving off? This job ain’t for you. You want New Years Day off? This job ain’t for you. You’re going to work every single day. And you know, it’s a great job. Like my father told me, turn your hobby into your occupation. I got to work in pro basketball for 18 years. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of work.

Adrian

I guess on the other side of flow, when a team is struggling, like they’re going through a slump, you know, maybe 10 games, 15 game loss, what have you seen that can really turn things around? To bring you out of the slump. Maybe from a mental aspect or from an organizational or cultural standpoint?

Drew

Um, yeah, you’re going to have to do it together. We’ll have to pick each other up. Um, sometimes you need a little luck. Sometimes you need a guy that can just get hot and sometimes a guy wins a game on his own, you know, like, which creates this togetherness like all of a sudden. I remember we were playing the Lakers in LA and Gilbert scored 60 points in LA and it was just amazing. He just won the game on his own and then the next night he scored like 50 in Phoenix. Just won that game on his own. And then that builds confidence. Like sometimes it can be an extraordinary individual performance. Sometimes the coaches can come up with a great defensive plan that really mutes someone on the opposition that was having a lot of success. Um, sometimes there’s a trade of some sort. All of a sudden you got some fresh blood in there, you could infuse new energy and bring a new view on culture to the team. There’s not just one way that you can break out of it. It’s a myriad of things that can take place during the course of a year. Because there’s so many things moving in so many different directions. You have 15 brains headed in so many different directions and that’s the biggest challenge in coaching in the NBA is to try and understand how do I get these brains headed in the same direction? How do I get them pulling for each other and if you got guys headed in different directions, it’s not successful. It can be the strangest of reasons for why things aren’t working out. You know, it doesn’t necessarily have to be that we’re just not good enough because that’s usually not the case. Usually there’s enough talent. It’s just we haven’t put it together correctly or it’s too young. I remember there was a coach that I work with in Washington, he was with the Warriors. At one point he was working in the front office and he use to say to me “yeah, you know, Drew, when I was working in the front office, I used to say to the coaches at the time, ‘put the young guys in. Put the young guys in,’ And now that I’m sitting on the bench and I’m coaching, I always saying ‘put A young guy in! Because when you go to like the younger guys, like, yeah, they bouncy but you’re not going to win many games with young guys. You’re going to win with vets and guys who know how to play and when you’re in the front office you want to see those young guys evolve and when you’re in charge of it and the records on your back, it’s like put A young guy in. Sprinkle in a couple of young guys. Let’s play the vets.

Adrian

Speaking of young guys, you got to watch a lot of these essentially boys become men. I mean, these 18 year old rookies coming into the machinery of professional sports, you know, with the money, the fans, the cameras… what have you noticed are common challenges that they go through in that transition when they’re forced into the machinery of the business.

Drew

Yes, there are 19 year old guys coming in. If you’re fortunate enough to get some first round pick guys that are lottery pick guys, the chances are they’re one year college guys in there into the league, you know, they, they are young. And how, what kind of habits did they start creating? You know, if you come onto a team where there are bad habits on that team where guys party a lot and go out and they, you know, they’re into some things that maybe are not more in alignment with a professional kind of viewpoint. Then they can quickly be dragged into that life and you can, you can see guys struggle and maybe not, maybe not reach the levels that they were hoping to get to and that as an organization hope that they would get to it because they become enamored with this lifestyle, you know, so at the most important thing is to have them come in and to start to have a veteran guy that knows how to prepare and cares about his body. What he eats, what he drinks, how often he sleeps, does he work on his game? Like a lot of the things that you don’t see that you only see on the television is when, when guys come to practice in the morning, if you’re a pro, if you want to have a long career, you’re going to come back at nighttime and you’re going to shoot. And I’m not talking about pump fake one dribble, pull up jumpshot and make 500. I’m talking about going in and making 500 shots from 15 to 18 feet just to keep your touch. My time there when I was with Scottie, he would go back to the gym every night, every night, we’d be back there if we weren’t playing and making 500 shots and he wasn’t, wasn’t at a full blown sweat, but this guy, he genuinely cared about the game when we were at home just kind of hanging out and he watched NBA basketball, he watched college basketball, he was a student of the game. You know, so you’re picking up pieces of, you know, tendencies of the opposition in tendencies of the other team by not just watching them from an analytic standpoint in film sessions with coaches, but you’re, you’re watching the game at home as a fan and because the way in which he sees the game, he’s able to pick up tendencies on guys that at some point during the course of the season he’s going to play against and realize, Oh man, I know the style. He likes to go left and she’d pull up shots going left. Wasn’t necessarily something that he learned from a film session. It was potentially something that he learned from just being a student of the game. You may see a move of that somebody does and be like, Oh wow, I like that! Back that up. Let me take another look at that and put that into your game. Gilbert arrays was notorious for that. He had this whole list of different things that he would work on. And he had different names for it. The Steve Blake Crossover, you know, the Michael Jordan had big hands and he had the ability to Suction Cup the ball. So instead of crossing over and like carrying the ball, like Allen Iverson did. MJ would suck the ball up and literally like lift it and put it over into a different spot, will give what I big hands. So he would come in and work on those things and those things were picked up, not necessarily in a team environment but in an environment of wanting to understand the game from their own self. So go back to the young guys, the young guys that are coming in. Do you surround yourself with a pro that really cares about the game and watches the game and is informed on the things that he eats? And do you surround yourself with that guy or do you surround yourself with the guy that likes to go to the club and get drunk and stay out all night because the one guy will have a much more profound, successful career than the other guy will. So how do you surround yourself as a young guy coming in with individuals that care about your professionalism? That becomes really an important aspect of your development. And I’ve seen both directions. I’ve seen guys that came in with a ton of talent that got caught up in some things that ended up kind of shortening their career and I’ve seen other guys that have come in and really surround themselves with, with consummate professionals and try to learn from frozen and had great careers as a result of that. So you see both sides of the. You try to encourage guys on organizations, try to encourage guys early on. Where they put guys lockers? That’s thought out. They’ll say, we’ve got this young kid coming in like let’s put him next to Antawn Jamison. Antawn Jameson was one of the most professional guys I was around. So got a young guy, a young draft pick coming in? Put him next to ‘Twan. ‘Twan will teach you how to eat right and come in and get things working and get his treatment and do the things that needs to be done. Lift weights, take care of his body, like will do the things that are going to be required of being a good pro. So there were a lot of things. Where they sit on the plane, you know, they try to match guys up, you know, big brother, little brother kind of situation. They try to encourage guys to be together. They try to create environments where that relationship can flourish. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t for whatever reason. So it’s very important. And the NBA, the league itself has recognized that. So they’ve been, they’ve encouraged teams to continue to use veteran guys by giving teams financial breaks for signing. Those guys know it’s cheap, but assign a guy that’s been in the league 10 years to a minimum deal than it is to sign other guys that you’ve been breaks on the salary cap because they’re trying to encourage this. This mentorship, this brotherliness where we can teach young guys to be successful and the best leaders on your team are not necessarily your best players on your team. You have the guys that galvanized teams are not necessarily your best players. When I was in Washington, we had a guy, Trevor Ariza that was a very galvanizing player. He had the ability to talk to all the players on the team and play as listen to what Trevor said and and he was very influential on them. Maybe he wasn’t our best player. You know Beal or Wall and those guys were probably more productive in terms of points per game and shots taken per game and all of those things. But in terms of who had the most influence in the locker room, Trevor had a very big influence in that locker room and so those guys become very important. They become kind of foundation guys in your organization to help you be successful down the line because when something goes wrong during the course of the season, coaches and general managers can’t always fix that. Sometimes the players have to fix it themselves and when you have guys and you’d seemed like that it can fix things, then they become very valuable to your organization and if they can play there even more valuable. The less they play, the less influence they usually have. So the whole thing is kind of, you know, it’s like anything else, like a family, you know, your little brother, you got to take care of your little brother and hopefully your little brother will grow up to be a productive member of the family and the society. But if little bro is, is hanging around the wrong people, then it doesn’t always pan out to be what you want it to be.

Drew

From the outside looking in. A lot of these pro athletes are revered as gods. I mean people, fans are worshiping these celebrities. As somebody who spent years in that world, can you share about the reality of the celebrity lifestyle, perhaps like the shadow side of that world that we don’t. You know, fans on the outside don’t typically appreciate.

Adrian

Yeah. They’re humans man. There’s a lot of different instances that I bumped into in regard to that. They like to have fun. They goofy. Some of them are more serious than others, but at the end of the day they’re just people that have an extraordinary talent and what I say that they have an extraordinary talent. What I’m really saying is that they had some physical gift that enabled them to be who they are, that they spent an inordinate amount of time honing that skill. You don’t just fall out of the womb and play in the NBA. You have to put an inordinate amount of time in to play at that very high level. And with that comes this level of fame and fortune, you know, part of that is debilitating. Because you can’t really do the things that you want to do, but because you so famous, everywhere you go. you’ll know you’re revered and in some cases hounded on some level. I remember it was Christmas Eve in Chicago and Scottie had gone back to Chicago for his last year. He called me and said, come on man, let’s go buy Christmas presents at the water tower place, which is this mall in Chicago. Like “it’s Christmas Eve!” Like “you’re going to see a thousand people following us.” So he shows up and he’s got this little hat and these glasses on and I’m like, “what do you think that hat and glasses are going to do?” “If it fools one person, succeeded if it fools one person!” We went into this mall and I turned around. At one point we will build into the Sharper Image. I’ll never forget this. The security guard was like “nah bro, you ain’t coming in here” because there was like 5,000 people chasing behind us like “Scottie!!”. So the environment that he lived and he lived in a bubble. It was very hard for him to be a normal person, particularly in most cities, but most particularly in that city, you know, in that timeframe, he was a god. He was a legend and he still is one of the best human beings I know, one of the best people I’ve ever been around. Generous and caring and you know, I saw him be a big brother to several players in the NBA, like most importantly probably within the timeframe that I spent with him was the relationship that he had with Zach Randolph and Zach just followed him around like a little puppy dog. Zach was a rookie, a year in Portland. It was around 2000 when he came into the league. And, uh, what Zack was able to take from Pip was important. Work ethic, being in the weight room and taking care of his body and being the best player that he could possibly be. Those relationships become really important. The fame part of it is just a byproduct of the skill level that you have. If you’re super skillful and you’re super successful, then there’s going to be a level of fame associated with that. How that manifests, how you deal with it, you know, that becomes part of it also. So, I dunno, the fame part of it, they’re just regular people, man. They have an extraordinary talent, but usually they have that extraordinary talent because they put an inordinate amount of time. One of the biggest misconceptions that people have is that the Scottie Pippen was a great basketball player just because he was born a great basketball player. There’s no such thing is that he put so much work and I saw it on a daily level, the amount of work that he put in and I was working with him towards end of his career when he was really just trying to maintain health and wellbeing to, to continue to play in the NBA and know when he was younger. He, the amount of time and effort he put in had to be immense because the time that I saw him putting in to putting it, putting in towards the end of his career was. It was crazy. You know, he was, he was dedicated to the game and it wasn’t always about being on the floor and and shooting baskets. It was watching film and being a student of the game and loving the game. If you love the game, the game will love you back, you know, and you had an immense amount of knowledge. It was fun to talk to him about different players and different teams and he saw the game differently because he, he was somebody that had an immense amount of knowledge about the game. That itself was a great historian, uh, you, you’d say, man, this guy is better than that guy and he’d be quiet for a second and then he’d go, no, no, I need to give you 10 reasons why that guy wasn’t better than the guy that you just said at the end of like, yeah, okay. Maybe he’s right because he was a student of the game. Um, the fame, you know, dictate that the fans dictate that, you know, what, how they perceive you, how they know that’s not necessarily up to you. So you got to put the time in. That’s the bottom line.

Adrian

Yeah, that’s such an important point. It reminds me of a quote I read in a book and it’s “to over idealize is to dehumanize” somebody, right? So really treating these people like humans and last year was kind of a big year where two of the star players in the league, DeMar and Kevin Love opened up quite publicly about their mental health issues. And that’s an interesting trend that we’re seeing, you know, as they’re setting this example for other professional athletes to possibly come out and humanize the image of the star athlete because they are like everybody else, you know, some of them also are dealing with things that are not always obvious outwardly. Why do you think this is happening right now?

Drew

I think as more guys come out, you know, it’s like anything else, you get comfortable. Guys were uncomfortable talking about this. “It’s not manly!” Like “I’m a punk, if I talk about that.” “You don’t have kinks in your armour when you’re the man! I’m the Mamba!” You know, like, “I’m impenetrable, I’m Zeus!” You know, like these things that we build about guys. To show any form of weaknesses, that’s showing your underbelly a little bit. “We don’t have any weaknesses, we’re impenetrable, we’re strong”. And I think as more guys come out and explain their struggles in their life, other guys potentially will have the confidence and the capacity to come out and share some of the things that have happened to them, um, in, in terms of just mental health and not just mental health, but other things in their life that have had profound influences on, on the direction and shape of their career that, that show them as humans more than anything else. It’s more about confidence than anything else. If you’re, if you’re terrified that you’re going to be ridiculed by your peers who will stay quiet no matter what, no matter what we’re talking about, whether it’s mental health or whether it’s something in your life, monetary or doesn’t matter what the issue is in your life. You’re going to tend not to talk about the things that are going to create ridicule within your peer group. As the peer group becomes more open about things that are taking place inside themselves. I think others tend to be more confident in sharing their experience and it becomes even more prominent if it’s from an individual of high stature. When we’re talking about DeMar DeRozan, and Kevin love, these are all stars. You know, these guys are meant to be the most impenetrable people, the most indestructible people. These guys are the Creme de la creme and when they come out and say, “you know what? Sometimes I’m down. Sometimes I need therapy. Sometimes I need medication. Sometimes I have periods of time that I’ve been very difficult for me where I haven’t wanted to get out of bed and guess what? I’ve had depression.” When people come out and a confident enough to share those experiences and they are. People are very high levels of gives other people confidence to come out and do the same thing and and, and share their experience, whatever it may be. So the more it happens, the more I think you have a free flow of information and hopefully our society will, will begin to less demonize it. You know, guess what, you do go through tough times in life and how you respond to those times and knowing that those times will will always be a part of you, has shaped who you are and how you respond to things later in your life will dictate how you’re able to deal with those things in and having a peer group and a group of individuals around you that are supportive of view and understanding of what’s going on. It’s less likely to have a disastrous effect. Whether it, whether it be through suicide or homicide or whether it just be through the inability to perform at a high level anymore and through anxiety, you end up not being able to play anymore. Creating these mental states that you can’t play anymore. So I think it’s very important for the peer group to recognize that these states exist and everybody goes through it. There’s points in your life where people pass away and your family and people leave your life. Whether it be through divorce or whatever reason it is, that people leave your life and how you deal with those things. Become really important.

Adrian

Yeah, I mean you’re pointing towards the importance of accepting the messiness of life. I mean just normal human life.

Drew

Yeah. Not just the messiness of it, just that no matter who you are, you going to deal with stuff, you know, and so being able to accept that those things are going to be part of the story and how do you respond to those things. That’s important because it’ll shape who you are as a person.

Adrian

What was some of the best life advice you’ve received while working in the NBA? You know, something that transfers to everyday life.

Drew

Um, yeah, like the, like I touched on before with my dad there, the turning your hobby into your occupation is probably some of the best advice I ever got. Um, you know, start at the top, you know, if you believe that you’re good at something, then pursue it at the highest level, whether it be through, I’m trying to get an internship or starting your career at the highest place, but indulge yourself in whatever it is that you’re trying to accomplish at the highest level. And read as much about your occupation or whatever it is that you love, that know as much as possible. You never know when that information is going to come in handy at some point, whether it be, you know, sharing a live situation with somebody that draws them closer to you, that then makes them think, you know what? I really liked her. I’m going to go spend some more time within which turns into that athlete coming into the weight room and wanting to spend some time in the weight room like maybe it was a conversation that you had with someone, a life experience that you had with someone, a human interaction with someone that helps you generate a more positive attitude from that person towards you that makes that person want to be around you. Try to know as much as you possibly can about your occupation and and you’ll learn things from the strangest of places. You’ll gather information and stories, instances from the most unusual places and try and keep those experiences within you to just share with people in our hope that you can mold the people around you and help the people around you. If you just want to be a constant giver, then you’ll have success and I think for me in the NBA, the reason I survived so long was my relationship with the players. The players were surrounded by people that wanted to take from them, whether it was money or tickets or autographs or jerseys or shoes. A lot of people tried to take from them and my objective, the whole time that I was in the NBA was to be a giver and to give to them like, I want to help you take care of your body. I want to help you make more money. I want to help you get along the contract. I want to help you be a better player. I want to help you make more jump shots. I want to, I want to help you. There’s nothing that I want to take from you. I don’t want your money. I don’t want your autographs. I want to help you be better. Be a better person and be a better basketball player and I think that enabled me to stay around in the NBA longer than most we we’re able to because because I gave to them unconditionally and if you give to people, then it will give back to you, so that’s probably the best advice that I could give to people to try and turn your hobby into your, into your occupation, trying to learn as much as you can about your occupation and really live your life as much as you can in whatever that thing is that you love and then unconditionally give to people. Try to help people in as many ways as you can because the people that you see on the way up are the same people that you’re going to see on the way down and if you’re mean to people, they’ll be mean to you. If you give to people in times of need, those people were genuinely give back to you and it will help you stay afloat and it’ll help you cruise through life. You have a brilliant life. If my life ends tomorrow, I have no regrets. You know, I came from a very small town in Australia and got to play college basketball and spent 18 years in the NBA, worked with nine hall of famers. I have had a blessed life for sure and I think a big part of why my life was so blessed was because I tried to give to people. I try to be generous to people and that’s definitely paid dividends for me.

Adrian

It was a pleasure.

Drew

Thanks. I really appreciate you having me.

Adrian

Thanks for coming on.